02x10 - Full Marital Jacket

[bunniefuu]

Previously on l.a. Law...

Stuart and I want to announce

That we have finally set a date.

January 10th at stuart's house.

She's not sophisticated
in a lot of ways, stuart.

I'm just afraid you're
not gonna like her.

Ann, she's your mom.
I'm gonna love her.

You know, your
father used to say

If only he had had a
jewish bookkeeper,

We'd all be millionaires.

Abby, who am I kidding,

I never had it in
me to be a lawyer.

Mr. Markowitz carried me
the whole time I was here.

What are you gonna do?

The flying gianellis?

That's my uncle baldo.

He set the world's
distance record being

sh*t from a cannon
in the 1936 world's fair.

Five generations
of flying gianellis,

Now it's gonna be six.

A cannon?

They want to sh**t
you out of a cannon?

I'm the only one left
who's not in a wheelchair.

What are you doing
in my bed with my wife?

Quid pro quo. You play, you pay.

And if you don't like
it, I will divorce you

And take half of
everything you hold dear.

I never had a job before.

I used to worry that
maybe I never could

Because nobody would
want to work with me.

I just want to
tell you that I'm...

I'm really happy
to be working here.

L.a. 30, 461 Eastern...
Read his rights?

Yeah, we read him
but I don't know

If he got a take or not.

I think he's a d-u-m-m-y.

Huh.

Hey, just keep moving.

You don't have to talk
to us if you don't want to.

And you can call a
lawyer if you want, right?

The detective's talking to you.

His name's benny stulwicz.

Matched the victim's
general description.

He took off running when
we tried to question him.

Okay, benny.

I'm gonna ask you
a few questions.

What's happened is very bad,
don't make it worse by lying.

Do you know why you
were arrested, benny?

Sex.

r*pe is just a little more
serious than just sex.

Uh-huh!

Don't lie to us, benny.

Easy, walt.

Listen, everything
will be much better

If we talk about it, benny.

You hurt a woman
tonight, didn't you?

Why don't we start
from the beginning.

I want arnie.

Can... Can I talk to arnie?

Who's arnie?

He's my friend.
He's also a lawyer.

Why don't you just
tell us what happened?

He asked for his
attorney. We're done.

Let him make the
call then lock him up.

Not so tough anymore,
are you, big guy?

Tough man with the women,
but not so tough here, huh?

Morning, rox.

Mrs. Tossi canceled
her 2 o'clock,

And there's a message
that benny called.

What about?

I wouldn't know.

He called the
service before I got in.

Still mad, rox?

Why shouldn't I be mad?

I go all the way to palm springs

At your invitation,
to be marooned

With your family while you...

You skirt off with a waitress!

I was helping a distraught
woman get over the trauma

Of being separated
from her family.

Look, I'm late!

She left her family in sweden

When she came over here
to be an actress, you pig!

Sometimes your
lack of compassion

Really astounds me, lady.

You ditched your
family on christmas,

You ditched me.

You know, you are
so damn selfish,

You don't care
about anybody but...

Roxanne!

I have got a staff meeting.

I'm very disappointed.

People, please, if we
could get started?

First, on a personal note

And to assuage any
lingering anxieties,

My doctors assure me that
I'm totally out of the woods.

There was, however,
an interesting aftermath

To this frightening experience

Which I would like
to share with you.

You see, it forced
me acknowledge

Just what a slender
thread binds us to this life.

And to realize that in the end,

It isn't the acquisition of
material goods and prestige

That counts for anything,
rather it's our friends

And our family.

Those that we love
and those who love us.

Stuart, ann, my dear
friends, be happy together.

Excuse me.

It's just looking at you two,

I feel so very
privileged to be asked

To share your
special day of love.

Thank you, douglas.

Me too.

I love weddings.

Other people's.

Saturday, 2:30, right?

Saturday, 2:30, and I
have maps printed up

In case anybody
needs directions.

Arnie.

Now how come it's
always so impossible

For me to find a
date to these events?

Who are you going with, victor?

My sister.

She's staying with me
over semester break.

Doug, I have to be
in federal court.

Of course. Forgive
my digression.

Miss perkins, how
are the muffin kings?

We'll be taking roadgrad inc.

Public by the end of next month.

Hear, hear.

Once again I want
to compliment you

On the superb job
that you've done.

And what is this,
gianelli versus hartvig?

This is gianelli as
in tony gianelli?

He called me yesterday,

He said he had something
kind of an accident.

He doesn't harbor
any old feelings

About leaving the firm?

He did asked me to meet him in
a restaurant instead of here.

Arnie, that message from benny,

He's in jail.

What? What for?

I don't know, he must
have been there all night.

Come on, you got to get him out.

I... I don't even
know what to do.

Run a writ?

Let's go.

How can he be in jail?

Where was he last night?

I don't know.

There goes the mail room.

You want to fill me in?

Not too long a story,
woman leaves the theater

By 11 o'clock, your guy
grabs her in a parking lot

Off of western avenue

And forces her to
orally copulate...

No way!

We got a confession and
the victim ided his picture.

Detective, benny
stulwicz is Ret*rded.

From the neck up, maybe.

This guy doesn't
even know what sex is.

I've been doing this job
for 17 years, counselor,

Trust me.

Over the age of 12,
they know what it is.

Huh.

Benny.

Benny, it's me, arnie.

What happened?

Look at me.

Benny, we're gonna
get you out of here.

But you have to help
us out a little bit.

Tell us what happened.

Benny, I know
you're afraid but...

You got to be strong.

Talk to us now.

Benny, it's us...

Your friends.

We can't help you unless
you tell us what happened.

Now come on.

I did something bad.

I have to go to jail.

You look great.

Thanks.

When you told me on the phone

You were suing over
a cannon accident,

I was pretty worried.

You look okay. Are you?

Oh, it's not me that's
doing the suing.

It's this guy in the
audience that got hurt.

I don't get it.

Uncle baldo must have used
too much expl*sive and um...

I overshot the net.

You're kidding.
Tony, that's terrible.

Yeah, well, lucky for me

I landed on top of
this 300-pound guy,

He broke my fall.

Only now, he's suing
us for $5 million

And we don't have
enough insurance.

Anyway, I entered
the complaint myself

And I tried to settle
it out for $25,000,

But the guy said no.

Tony, I'm in the middle of
this big public offering.

You've got depositions
day after tomorrow.

I don't know if I can
just drop everything.

Look, abby, this might seem
like small potatoes to you,

But to me, my family,
this is no laugher.

If we lose, we lose everything.

Every penny, the compound in...

I mean, they'll probably
repossess the wheelchairs.

I tell you what, let me ask
jonathan rollins to take it on.

He's very bright and
he's very aggressive.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm. And if he
won't do it, I will.

Okay?

Okay.

I really appreciate this.

Forget it.

Look, abby, can I say something?

Mm-hmm.

This is from the heart.

I love you.

Thank you.

I mean it. I really love you.

As in man-woman?

I want to marry you.

Don't you think this
is kind of sudden?

Yeah, well, getting sh*t out of
a cannon is kind of sudden, too.

It changes the way
you look at things.

Tony, look, I'm a
26-year-old divorced mother.

And even if I did love you,

I don't think that marriage to a
human cannonball's in my future.

How about a date then?

Come on, give me a chance
to change your mind.

I don't know.

Will you think about it?

Sure.

And in the meantime, I'll have
jonathan call you about this.

I really appreciate this.

Hey, it's the least
I can do for a guy

Who's just proposed marriage.

The way I see it,
we've got two choices:

We go to court
and plead insanity

Or we avoid trial altogether

By having benny
declared incompetent.

You can do that?

Well, he's uncommunicative,

Can't contribute to his defense.

He's unfit for trial.

In which case they
throw him in a mental bin.

If you have any better
ideas, I'm all ears.

Look, get him declared
incompetent for now.

Three or four
months down the road,

He's judged competent again.

By that time the victim's
memories fade a little.

You have a better chance
of shaking... At trial.

Yeah.

But in the meantime, benny
rots in the rubber room.

Beats doing 15 at vacaville.

But hey, look, we're
talking about benny, okay?

He could not have
done this, I know this man.

He does not have an
aggressive bone in his body.

Judging from the evidence,

I'd say at least one of his
bones was a little contentious.

Douglas!

Look, arnie's right
about one thing.

If benny gets
locked up anywhere,

He's not gonna recover.

He's already deteriorated
after one night.

The main thing is to get him out

And back here before he
goes further into the dumper.

Well, hold on.

I don't think you should
bring him back here.

Where else is he gonna go?

Well, I don't know,
but if we turn him loose

In our employ

And he att*cks
anybody in the building,

We could be sued
right out of business.

Leland, he didn't do
this. He is a good person.

I'm not disputing his
goodness, but let's face it.

None of us really knows

What benny knows
when it comes to sex.

Huh.

Maybe he didn't think
what he did was bad.

So we're just gonna abandon him.

No, but neither are
we going to expose

This firm to a lawsuit.

Put up the bail, michael.

But unless he is
completely cleared,

Benny doesn't work here anymore.

I'm sorry.

Hi. Hey.

How is it going with
the flying gianellis?

It's actually kind of
an interesting case.

Do you want to hear some
thoughts I have on strategy?

Do you have any idea how long you're
supposed to leave these things in?

Frozen burrito,
about two minutes.

Oh, hell.

Ouch.

Anyway, how about a
cross-claim against the circus?

It could be that
they were negligent

In providing the
dimensions of the tent,

Or where the seats
were positioned.

Uh, that's interesting
but I've come up

With something along a
slightly different tack.

Really? What?

Tell you what, the plaintiff's
deposition is tomorrow.

Come on by.

I'll try and find the time.

Great. It should
be a hell of a show.

Right through here.

This session's in order.

People versus john simpson.

Mr. Simpson's...

I'm sorry, you want to
go for incompetence,

Get him stuck in a
laughing academy,

I won't fight it.

No, but I got to
get him out of here.

Michael, come on, you think
he's fit enough to stand trial?

Well, I will make
that decision later.

And meanwhile, you
want him on the street.

Ralph, I know this guy.

If I don't get him
out of lockup,

The damage to his psyche
will be irreversible.

Just give me
bail, I can make it.

Come on, I know you.

You're gonna get
him outside today

By using that he's got
all his monitors okay,

Trial date comes, you'll be
back pleading insanity, huh?

People versus benny stulwicz.

Let's let him decide, okay?

Is counsel here?

Michael kuzak for the
defendant, your honor.

Waive reading. Plead not guilty.

Question of bail, judge.

We've got v*olence,
sexual deviance,

thr*at to public safety.

My client has no
record, your honor,

No history of sexual v*olence.

Strong roots in the community...

Lives alone, no
family, no money.

He's an employee of my law firm,

Your honor, and I can
attest to his reliability.

This is an isolated incident
of alleged v*olence...

Serious v*olence, judge.

This man is dangerous.

He's not dangerous. I know him.

This is the first
offense, your honor.

There's no thr*at
to the public safety,

No chance that my
client will miss the trial.

An o.r. Is certainly in order.

It's not in my order, mr. Kuzak.

There's some indication of
mental incompetence here,

And I'm not inclined
to put the defendant

Back on the street
without supervision.

Well, I would agree to exercise
such supervision, your honor.

In so far as my client
is already emotionally

Debilitated from this ordeal,

I think that further lockup
could cause irreparable harm.

I respectfully urge
personal recognizance,

Or in the alternative,
a reasonable bail.

$15,000, With the
condition of supervision.

The court will
draw out the order.

Next case.

Hang in there, benny.
We're gonna get you out.

I don't know.

Stuart likes it a lot,

But i... I'm not sure
if it's really me.

Come on, let me see it already.

You look gorgeous.

And notice the detailing.

Victorian lace, sea
pearls at the neckline.

Don't you think I can get
away with my beige silk suit?

Ann, come on, you're only
gonna do this thing once.

Okay, twice.

But the last time
was so long ago,

It's probably been
expunged from your record.

Think of the
romance of the gown.

The other happy brides
have worn it through time.

Right, and where are they now?

Either divorced or dead.

I don't know.

Let me think about it
for a few minutes, okay?

Fine.

Oh, god, if I were
you, I'd go for it.

It's so bridey.

The whole point of this
thing was to keep it simple.

Just a few friends.

I know, but it means
a lot to stuart

And I'm sure it does
to your mom also.

She's not coming.

I haven't spoken to her at
all since she was here last.

The truth is, I
don't want her here.

Feeling the way she does
about stuart, I don't think

She'd come even if I did.

Of course she would,
ann. She's your mother.

Please.

No lectures about the sacredness

Of motherhood right now, okay?

So who did you decide
to bring to the wedding?

Well, I guess I could
bring tony gianelli.

Don't sound so enthusiastic.

Maybe I'm a circus
bigot or something.

I just can't see myself
going out with someone

Who gets sh*t out of a
cannon on a regular basis.

Come on, nobody's perfect.

You like this one?

Um... I like this one better.

I don't know.

Can I see that bracelet?

It would look
lovely with the dress.

Oh, god, it's gorgeous.

But never mind.

So you really like it, huh?

I love it.

Okay.

Let me get our dressmaker.

I'm sure we can have all the
alterations done by friday.

And if you do decide
to marry gianelli,

Maybe I can loan it to you.

I don't think it'll
be right for me.

You're the one
who likes it so much.

I do.

I... I just have a
feeling that the groom

Would be more into
spangles and capes.

Arnie?

Did you get him out?

Yeah.

He's in the stairwell,

He doesn't want
anyone to see him.

I can't get anything out of him.

He just won't talk about it.

Maybe you could get
him to open up a little.

Let me have a try.

A condition of bail, we
got to supervise him.

Can you take him
home with you tonight?

No, I can't.

I... I sort of have
this, it's a date there...

Arnie!

Well, gracie's at
my place tonight.

Believe it or not,
you're the one

He seems to trust the most.

If anybody can get
through to him, you can.

Okay. I'll take him.

Benny, it's time to talk.

Look, I know that you're scared

And ashamed and stuff, but...

You got to tell
us what happened.

Come on, benny.

I don't want to.

We can't defend you in
court unless you tell us.

I don't want to!

But dammit, you have to!

Look, maybe we can
show that you didn't know

What you were doing or...

Or that you didn't
meant to hurt her,

There are different things we
can do to keep you out of jail.

But we can't do anything
until you open your mouth

And start talking.

You'll get mad at me!

I will not get mad at you!

I'm not gonna punish you, benny.

I promise. We're friends.

Friends can talk to each other.

I...

I went to one of those places

Where girls have no clothes on.

Oh, boy.

Benny, what... No, never mind.

What happened at this place?

I gave a man some money

And he took me to a little room.

He left me there.

A girl came in.

She was naked...

All over.

What happened?

She talked to me.

She said dirty things.

She told me to touch
myself in bad places.

Did you?

No, my mother told me never.

So what happened?

After a while, she went away.

Then another man came
in and said I had to leave.

So I did.

Then when I was
going to the bus stop,

The police came to get me.

Wait... Wait a second.
Wait a second.

What happened between the
time you left the naked girl

And the police came?

Nothing.

They just came 'cause they knew!

They knew what?

That I was in a bad place!

That's it?

Benny...

Benny...

I want you to tell me the
truth now, the 100% truth.

After you left this bookstore,

Did you meet with
up another woman?

No.

Did you ever physically
touch any woman?

No!

Benny, you... You
told the police,

And you told us that
you did something bad.

What did you mean by that?

I saw it. I saw sex!

She was naked!

They arrested you because
they think you grabbed a girl

And forced her to
touch your penis.

I did not! I did not!

I... Man to man, benny,
friend to friend,

Did you ever try to
make a girl touch you

Or have sex with you that night?

No, arnie, no!

You didn't do it, did you?

Do... Do what?

Are you sure?

I was joking about him, I
called him ricky retardo.

And you'd recognize
him if you saw him again?

Sure, he was sweet.

Told me I was
pretty. That's a first.

What about the time?

Are you positive he
was in here at 11 o'clock?

My shift was from
11 to 5 that night

He was my first customer.

The victim said the att*ck
occurred at quarter past.

If your testimony
can establish that...

Whoa, whoa, I'm not testifying.

Melanie, you're
the only one in here

Who remembers him.

He could go to jail.

Look, between you
and me, I'm on parole.

I'm not supposed to leave
the state of colorado.

I testify, I go to jail.

Well, I can talk to
your parole officer,

We might be able
to figure out...

No. No way.

Wait a minute, please come
with us and talk to the d.a.,

He might decide to drop charges.

No, look, I'd like to
help this poor guy

But I ain't going
to do time for him.

Look, lady, an
innocent and good man

Is gonna get sent
away for 10 years

If you don't help him.

He's Ret*rded.

He'll get completely
destroyed if he goes to jail.

His life is at stake. Please.

You're his only hope.

Can you really fix
it with my parole?

Yes, I think so.

Okay.

If you can fix
it, I'll help him.

Oh, sh...

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

I... I just looked away
for a split second.

You all right?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Oh, my god. I'm sorry
about your car.

Is there much damage?

I don't think it's
anything too serious.

My insurance will cover...

Well, that's okay.

Roxanne melman. You
work in this building?

Yes, I work for
mckenzie-brackman.

You a lawyer?

No, no, I'm a legal secretary.

Oh... Jimmy markham,
levi-strohler.

I've seen you in the elevator.

Yeah, I've seen you, too.

Kind of an expensive
way to get introduced.

Oh, not really, I mean I like
to think that people come

Along in your life, it's
worth a pile of sheet metal

To have known them.

Sometimes it's just a
matter of getting those

First few words out.

You don't seem like
you'd be all that shy.

Oh, I think everybody
is basically shy.

I mean, you meet somebody,
you want them to like you.

You say, "will they laugh
at me? Will they hurt me?

Will they disappoint me?"

"Will you disappoint them?"

"Will the opportunity arise
in which we can find out?"

Interesting questions.

How about dinner?

Grazie!

Mckenzie-brackman.

I need my passport, douglas.

Passport?

I've got to get away.

I need a vacation desperately.

From what?

All you do all day is shop,
eat lunch and play tennis.

What is this, a freak show?

This is making me nauseous.

Why don't you leave?

Why don't we go
into your office?

I need a check for $10,000.

$10,000?

Who are you taking?

Bjorn? Roger?

My god. Not erroll.

Oh, stop being so paranoid.

Now can I please
just have the money?

No.

We'll have a vacation
together in july.

There may not be a july!

Every dime you own
is half mine, douglas,

And I want my nickels now!

Sheila, you're out of control.

Here's $100.

Have a facial, get
your nails done.

You'll feel better.

You were seated in the third
row of the arena, mr. Hartvig,

Is that correct?

Well, I'd taken my wife
and our five children out

For a special day.

Some special day
that turned out to be.

Crippled for life.

Uh-huh.

Poor man. I know his pain.

He's trying to take
all of our money.

They announced
the flying gianellis

And they rolled
this big cannon out.

Well, my kids were
scared to death.

They're covering their eyes,
they're afraid this gianelli

Guy's gonna hurt or something
when all of a sudden, bam!

He's flying through
space right at me.

I don't have time to duck,

To protect my
kids, to do nothing.

Wham!

Hits me like a ton of bricks.
You can't imagine the pain.

I just thank god
every day that it was,

It was me and not my wife
or kids that had to take it.

Uh-huh, he's a good
family man, you know.

I feel for his pain.

Shh, shh, shh.

Mr. Hartvig, I see you're
asking for lost wages

In your cause of action.

Nobody ever gave us
any money for our pain.

Your claim starting from...

He should bear
it like a gianelli.

But he's not a gianelli.

Well, I haven't been
able to work a single day

Since this terrible tragedy.

But you weren't working
before it either, were you?

I was temporarily laid off.

For 3 1/2 years?

Uh, lazy.

If we could have a
little quiet, please.

The man's lazy.

There's a big difference
between being temporarily laid off

And never being able to work
again for the rest of your life.

Forget work, I can't even move.

And that's why you're
in a wheelchair now,

Is that correct, mr. Hartvig?

I can't move a
muscle. Not a one.

Not any?

Well, my arms.

I can wiggle my
toes a little. That's it.

Oh, my god! Fire!

Everybody out! Wait a minute!

Hey!

Fire!

Get out of here! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.

Hey, hey!

Nice to have you back
on your feet, mr. Hartvig.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

Okay, tony. Be
good. Thanks. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.

She's gone.

Who's gone?

Moses.

I called the bookstore
to tell melanie

You'd pick her
up for the prelim.

Her boss told me she'd quit.

Where did she go?

He doesn't have a clue.

Oh, great.

I got to call renee quintana.

Maybe she can track her.

Can we get a
continuance on the prelim?

Only if I can give assurance
that we'll find her.

Oh, god.

What... What's this mean?

It means that we have no way
to prove that he's innocent.

Benny could go to jail.

This is just a prelim, right?

I mean, we have plenty of
time to find her before trial.

Well, we were
hoping to avoid a trial.

And with the trial,
you have a jury

And they're gonna
take one look at benny

On the stand and see
this big hulking creature,

With all the paranoia,
about the mentally Ret*rded,

Sex, their libido...

They're gonna think he did it.

No, they won't. They can't.

Roxanne, even I thought
that he was guilty.

Mike, do we have
any way of winning

Without that stripper?

I don't see how we
can unless maybe...

Maybe we can shake the
victim's testimony somehow.

Benny is in trouble.
Big trouble.

And what he
demanded, miss flood,

Was oral copulation?

And I thought if I didn't
do what he wanted,

He would k*ll me, so I did it.

Did he say anything
to you during the act?

He kept saying,
"enjoy it, bitch.

Show me that you love it."

Do you see this man in the
courtroom today, miss flood?

That's him over there.

Let the record reflect.

The witness has indicated
the defendant, benny stulwicz.

Nothing further.

Miss flood, you told
the police at the scene

That you never
really got a good look

At the man's face, didn't you?

Yes, but i...

So you're here today
making a positive i.d.

Of a face that you never
really got a chance to see,

Isn't that right?

I gave them a
general description.

Well, you couldn't tell
the color of his eyes,

His approximate weight,
or even his approximate age!

He's badgering the victim.

The victim is over there!

He confessed, for god's sake.

Is that why you think he did it,

Because they told
you he confessed?

Objection!

Overruled.

Of course that's gonna
make me think he did it.

A confession's a confession.

Miss flood, I'm not trying
to b*at you up, I swear,

But an innocent man
could go to jail here.

My client benny stulwicz,
is mentally Ret*rded.

On the night that this happened,

He came out of a strip show
in the area of the att*ck

At the time of the att*ck.

Now this was the first time

That he'd ever gone
to see a show like that

And he was very much ashamed.

So ashamed that he ran away
when the police approached.

So ashamed that he admitted
that he had done something bad.

Now that is the essence
of this so called confession.

He thought that going
to a strip show was bad!

Is there a question
remotely in our future here?

Miss flood, benny stulwicz is
sitting in this courtroom today

Because you singled him out
as the man who att*cked you.

Now I think the reason
you think he did it is

Because the police told you so

And you figured
they have to be right.

Possible?

I don't know.

All right then, I
want you to do this.

I want you to listen
to my client's voice

And tell me... This
is a circus, judge.

She testified that he talked
all through the att*ck,

Your honor.

Voice identification
appropriate.

I'll allow.

All right, benny, I
want you to read this

Over and over again.

Don't stop until I
tell you to stop.

Just like we
practiced, all right?

Did the man speak
quickly or slowly?

He spoke very fast.

Okay, benny, read
it as fast as you can.

As fast as you can.

Read.

"Enjoy it, bitch. Show
me that you love it."

Again, benny. Faster.

"Enjoy it, bitch. Show
me that you love it."

Your honor...

Again, benny, louder this time.

"Enjoy it, bitch.

Show... Show me
that you love it."

This approach is
completely inflammatory.

There's no purpose whatsoever!

It's relevant, your honor.

And he should be
allowed to continue.

"Show me that you love it."

Mr. Trevino...

This is ridiculous
grandstanding, judge,

And I ask that it stop.

Your honor, the district
attorney is interfering

With my cross-examination.

Will everyone just
quiet down for a minute?

"Show me that you
love it." It's not him.

Mr. Kuzak, please
instruct your client...

That's not him!

God, you told me you caught him!

Your honor, she's
been so been badgered...

That's not him!

The man who att*cked
me didn't talk like that.

This man's Ret*rded,
for god's sake.

Miss flood, are you
sure that's not him?

Oh, my god.

That animal's still out there.

He's still out there!

You may step down
now, miss flood.

This case is dismissed.

The defendant is free to go.

This court is in
recess until 2 o' clock.

Yeah. We did it, benny.

We won.

Do I have to go to jail?

No, benny.

You don't have to go to jail.

Man, I owe you a
beer or something.

I'll take those for you.

Thank you.

Not too far I hope.

Arnie, I swear to god if
you do this to me again,

You'll be typing your
own letters on monday.

Okay.

Hey, there, benny.
Good to see you.

What?

I'm scared.

Why?

Do... Do they know what I did?

It's okay, benny.

You don't have to be
embarrassed or afraid.

Everybody here is going
to be real happy to see you.

Hey, congratulations. Hi, rox.

Hi.

Hey, benny! How are you?

We missed you.

Can I come back to work?

You bet.

The mail room is all mixed up,

We got a dozen packages
that need to be delivered...

You want me to come in tomorrow?

Monday. Monday will be fine.

Okay. 8 O'clock?

Okay.

Ann?

Ann?

Ann!

I'm in here!

Are you almost
ready, my darling?

My hair still looks awful.

Let me see.

It's bad luck for
you to see the dress.

Ann, it's okay. I've
seen it already.

Let me see.

You look unbelievably beautiful.

You were right about the dress.

I love the dress.

My hair's a disaster.

No, your hair is great.

The only thing
wrong is the wrist.

My wrist?

Yeah. It's too bare.

Oh, stuart.

The bracelet.

How did you know?

I guess you wouldn't believe me

If I told you that's
how physically

Attuned we are, huh?

You wouldn't believe that, no.

I had a spy. Abby.

Uh-uh. The saleswoman.

She works on commission.

So is my lady ready
to go to her party?

Wait, I just want to check out.

Ann, you're beautiful.

Something wrong with the hem.

Dammit, I snagged my
hose on the damn bracelet!

I hate these hose.

Damn bracelet?

Oh, of course.

Here, what about these?
These are the same color.

Stuart!

You're making me very nervous.

Please, go outside.

I'll be ready in five minutes.

Five minutes.

They're giving the
bar again in march.

Not for this cowboy they're not.

It's no big disgrace
to fail it twice, tony.

I know guys who
failed it 10-12 times

Before they finally passed.

Well, that gives me an awful
lot to look forward to, doesn't it?

I didn't mean it like that.

I haven't worn one of
these things in months.

I feel like it's choking me.

I used to get nuts sitting
in the office all day.

There's a guy I
went to school with,

He wears t-shirts and jeans.

He has a private practice
out of his condo in malibu.

Abby, the truth is, I
like what I'm doing now.

It's exciting. I'm my own boss.

I get to travel a lot. It's fun.

That's great then.

You've got a life that you like.

Give me champagne, please.

Stuart, everything
looks beautiful.

Yep. Thanks.

How's ann doing?

Abby, she just redid her
hair for the ninth time.

At the day of my wedding,

It took me five
hours to get dressed.

Thanks, that's very encouraging.

Stuart, I am so happy for you.

Thank you.

You're a hell of a
lucky guy, stuart.

Yeah.

So you think maybe you and I

Ought to try this some day?

I told you we wouldn't be late.

We're the last ones here.

Hello, douglas, sheila.

I'd like you to meet my
friend janet robinson.

Sheila and douglas brackman.

Pleasure to meet you.

Pleased to meet you.

Sheila was late getting
back from shopping.

It appears the bride is running
a bit behind time herself.

Maybe she's come to her senses

And bailed out on this farce.

Sheila...

To forsake all others
till death do you part.

Is that a crock, or what?

I mean, have you seen
the new hite report?

70% Of married women in this
country are fooling around.

Sheila, please.

And of course, my loving hubby

Here does everything he can

To keep up the
men's average, too.

Come on, ann, you
said five minutes!

What? Wh-wh-wh-what?

I had to do something
to give it some height.

We're talking about
two more minutes.

Two more minutes.

You have 50 people
waiting down there

Who don't give a damn
about the height of your hair!

What?

Annie?

Mother?

Great.

This is for you...

For both of you.

I know you don't want me here,

But aunt vit told me.

Annie, I'm only human,
it isn't easy to admit

When you've done
something wrong.

At first I tried to
convince myself

That it wasn't me, that
it was the two of you

Who owed me an apology.

Oh, sure.

Annie, please, I've cried
myself to sleep every night

For two weeks.

And that's supposed
to be our fault?

No! No, it's my fault.

I was ignorant and
cruel and hateful.

Stuart, do you think
you can ever forgive me?

Give me another chance?

It would mean so much to me.

It's, um...

It's nice to meet
you, miss kelsey.

Annie, what about you?

Do you think you
can forgive me, too?

We've always been
so hard on each other.

I'm not even sure if
I've ever even told you

How much I love you.

And I do love you
so much, my baby.

My beautiful,
brilliant daughter.

And I want so much to
share this day with you.

Will you let me?

Think we can get those
things out of your hair now?

Oh, my mascara's running.

No, the mascara's fine.

We put a veil on, we got to
go, we got people waiting.

They're just gonna
have to wait, stuart.

I'll get a tissue.

I told you to get
started earlier,

I told you not to go
into the office today but...

And you just love getting
to say, "I told you so."

No, but somebody's got
to be an adult around here.

You are the most compulsive,
the most controlling...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, let's go.

I'm warning you, take
your hands off me!

Benny, right here.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Arnie, give me a hankie.

Weddings always make me cry.

2-To-1, this marriage
doesn't last a year.

Sheila, I'm warning you.

Might I suggest that since
the two of you seem incapable

Of getting in the
spirit of this occasion,

You might take your leave now?

And might I suggest that you
are a totally inconceivably

Pompous, self important
bag of wet brownies?

Sheila, how could
you say that to him?

Because you don't have the
courage to do it yourself.

For 20 years, you've
let him step all over you,

He steps on you at the
office and then you come home

And step on me.

You're manufacturing
this, sheila.

I'm sick of it, douglas.
I'm sick of you.

I'm sick of your bald
head and your hairy back.

I'm sick of your
three-piece suits,

That stupid pocket
watch of your father's.

But most of all, I'm sick
of you humiliating me

With your sickening
little affairs.

My affairs?

And who are you,
the virgin mary?

We're gathered here in the
presence of these witnesses

For the purpose of uniting
this couple in matrimony.

The contract of
marriage is most solemn

And is not to be
entered into lightly.

But with the deep
realization of its obligations...

And this is deep
realization, douglas.

I can't stand
another day of this.

My lawyer will call
your lawyer monday.

Now, then, do you, stuart,

Take ann to be your
lawful wedded wife?

Fine.

Do you promise to
love and comfort her,

Forsaking all others, so
long as you both shall live?

Yeah, fine.

And do you, ann, take stuart

To be your lawful
wedded husband?

Fine.

Do you promise to
love, honor, and obey?

To love and honor?

In sickness and in health, so
long as you both shall live?

That's fine.

Aha.

At this juncture, ann, you
had asked to say a few words.

There was a poem that
I was going to read.

I must have left it in my purse.

I know, I should
have planned ahead.

It's no big deal.

The only big deal is that
you're here, believe me.

Stop that.

Stop being nice
or I'm gonna cry.

I've totally ruined
this whole day for you.

Ann, you didn't ruin it.

I did.

I wouldn't do anything
till the last minute.

It's just your way.

It's your way of dealing with
what's really bothering you,

Which is how scary it
is to be standing here

Doing the "m" word.

Oh, stuart, I'm such a bitch.

I can't believe I'd fight with
you on our wedding day.

Ann, people fight. I've
even grown to like it.

I don't love it, I
grew up thinking

It was the worst
thing in the world.

It's really
liberating to realize

That you can fight with somebody

And still love them.

With other people,
I always used to try

And pretend that I
was someone I wasn't.

Then I'd feel angry that no
one really loved me for me.

But you do, stuart.

You really love me for me.

And that is the
most incredible gift.

And I just I hope to god that
I can make you half as happy

As you've made me.

I've never been so happy.

I never thought I
could be so happy.

Here.

I love you so much, stuart.

Let's not screw it up, okay?

Deal.

Deal.

You can go ahead
now, I'm finished.

By virtue of the
authority vested in me

By the state of california,

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You've already done that.