02x06 - Ed the Voter

[bunniefuu]

[whinnying]

Hello. I'm Mr. Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Uh, hi, Wilbur.

Ed. What are you doing?

Looking for the TV section.

I'm sorry, you can't
watch anything now.

Carol is on the air
in just a few minutes.

Your wife's on television?

Yep. She's making a speech
for the Women's Voters League.

Ho ho ho. That
should be something.

[chuckling]

I wonder if I have
the right time.

Don't look at me. My
wristwatch is being repaired.

Just think, Ed. My
wife, our little girl

will soon be talking
on this television set.

What's so unusual
about a talking woman?

Now, a talking horse...

I don't see you using
that great talent of yours

to get people to come
out and vote at the election

this Tuesday.

If a horse ever
runs for president,

I'll make a speech.

Just you be quiet, Ed.

I don't want to miss
a single word of this.

♪♪ [music on TV]

Is it okay if I breathe
during the commercial?

- Shh!
- Shh!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, WPXQ,

as a special public
service, is happy to present

Mrs. Carol Post, who will...

Here she comes.

On behalf of the
Women's Voters League.

Mrs. Post.

[applause]

Hello. Fellows...
Fellow citizens.

- As your...
- Can we switch to the races?

My niece is running at Hialeah.

Quiet.

Councilmen

and vote on some very
important propositions.

She's pretty, but
my niece is faster.

Quiet!

So many of us may feel

that these issues are
not so very important.

So why bother
going to the polls?

Just what I say... why bother?

When we fail to take
advantage of our right to vote,

we are forfeiting
the most precious gift

a citizen possesses.

Make your voice heard.

Make your vote count.

Thank you so much.

[applause]

Admit it, Ed. My wife looked
beautiful on that screen.

Gorgeous. Now will you
please switch to Hialeah?

[announcer] Politics
in General, WPXQ,

- as a special public service...
- [switching channels]

and trailing the pack
by twelve lengths

is Little Princess...

Turn it off. My
niece is last again.

She takes after my lazy brother.

Well, I'm home!

Well, how did she look?

- Gorgeous.
- Aww.

[laughing]

Carol, tell him the big news.

Yeah, tell me the big news.

- Guess what, honey.
- What?

They're going to use our house

as a polling place next Tuesday.

Well, what happened? We
usually go to the Webster's.

Well, their little boy came
down with the measles, and...

So I volunteered our place.

Well, how many
people will be coming?

About 120.

Is it all right, Wilbur?

Well, sure, honey.

I'll just pretend a
few of your relatives

are dropping by for a visit.

See, Kay? I told
you he wouldn't mind.

Mm, I'd have
volunteered our home,

but you know Addison,

with all those people around,

he'd put a lock
on the refrigerator.

Say, why not?

What a perfectly marvelous
way to get out the vote.

Don't you see? We'll
make a little party.

Sandwiches,
refreshments, the works!

I'll pay for everything!

My dear, you just
used four words

for which I can
never forgive you...

"I'll pay for everything."

Wilbur and Carol are
allowing their home to be used

for a polling place...
The least we can do

is help get out the vote.

Oh, I can hardly
wait to tell the girls.

They'll just love the idea!

Remember, sweetie.

I want to cater this party.

What party? This is an election.

We can make the food ourselves.

"Make the food ourselves."

Yeah, what's 120 people?

Yeah, what's... 120 people?

It might rain.

Wilbur, be sensible.
Imagine what a shambles

those people will
make out of your home.

He may have a point there.

But... But, honey, you promised.

Yeah, well, I was
thinking, though,

they may be able to
move the voting booth

into the back, in my office.

- In the barn?
- Ed wouldn't mind.

He's non-partisan.

[chuckling]

That Dennis the Menace kills me.

[laughs]

Ed, this Tuesday, the
voters are going to come here

to do their voting.

What do you mean, here?

I mean here, in my office.

- You finished?
- Yeah.

Why can't they vote
where they voted last year?

Well, the kids in that house
came down with the measles.

I'm sorry, Wilbur.

This is my home, not town hall.

I already told Carol it
was okay to use my office.

- How can I get out of it?
- Tell her I got the measles.

I'm sorry, Ed, we are
going to use this place.

It's for a civic cause.

Wilbur, I'm just as
patriotic as the next horse,

but my stable is my castle.

And you're going to
have to learn to share!

I don't see the
Addisons sharing.

That is where you're wrong.

You could take a
lesson in generosity

from Roger Addison.

A man who's willing to
spend his hard-earned money

to make sure more people
come out and vote on election day.

Kay, if you think I am going to
spend my hard-earned money

just to attract a few
more voters to the polls,

then you have snapped
your ever-loving shower cap.

Roger, please!

Let's not fight over a
few measly sandwiches.

120 sandwiches are not measly.

Please, doll, the neighbors.

Oh, please, please.

Turn off the sprinklers.

So you don't love me.

That's not... exactly true.

You love 120
sandwiches more than me!

That is exactly true.

[weeping]

Oh, Kay, Kay, please.

I'm only teasing.
Now Kay, stop that.

- [crying]
- Kay, darling, please.

Sweetheart. Lover-girl.

May I give the
voters that little party?

No.

[weeping]

- [sobbing]
- [doorbell rings]

Hello. I'm Harold Sawyer,
from the county registrar's office.

Is Mrs. Addison home?

Yes. I'm Roger Addison.

- Won't you come in?
- Oh, thank you.

I was on my way
over to the Posts'

to drop off these
voter's registry books,

but I thought I'd stop in
to compliment your wife.

That's a wonderful idea she has,

serving refreshments
on election day.

Yes, we were discussing
it just before you came in.

- Won't you sit down?
- Oh, thank you.

I understand the mayor
is interested in seeing

whether your wife's little party

brings out more
voters this year.

The mayor?

Oh, yes.

And I wouldn't be surprised

if he drops by here
on election day,

just to see how
things are going.

Really? Here?

And I must say I admire
your civic-minded spirit,

Mr. Addison, very few people

would go to the
expense you're going to.

[chuckles] What's a
paltry few sandwiches?

As I was just
telling my dear wife,

anything we can do to
encourage our fellow citizens

to exercise their franchise

is a cornerstone in the
bulwark of democracy.

Well, Mr. Addison, it's a pity

that more men like you
don't get into politics.

Well, I...

I never really considered
going into politics.

You should. You've got
standing in the community,

you've got the appearance,
the maturity, the ability.

And I was head of our
college debating team.

You know, this little party
your wife is giving Tuesday

won't hurt you a bit with
the voters of this district.

Oh, uh... Not
that I'm interested,

but do you really think I'd
have a chance in an election?

I mean, you know, entering
politics an unknown, at my age?

Well, Eisenhower was 62
when he was inaugurated.

And I play a
better game of golf.

Oh, tell me.

Now, you know, if I
were to enter politics,

what office would I seek?

Alderman? Assemblyman?

I mean, you don't run for
mayor right away, do you?

You just keep on doing what
you're doing, Mr. Addison.

Get to know the
voters of your district.

Then the citizens will
come looking for you.

- Believe me.
- I can promise you one thing.

If drafted, I would run.

And if elected, I would serve.

The voters can't ask more.

Well, I'd better go over
and drop off these books.

I'll see you on
Tuesday, Mr. Addison.

Oh, and I can promise
you another thing.

It's going to be quite a party.

I like to go all out
on these things.

So bring your wife.
Oh, and the kiddies,

because I love little children.

- The future of America.
- Yes.

Well, uh, say hello
for me to Mrs. Addison.

Thank you, I will. Oh!

Give my best to the mayor!

[sighs]

Four score and seven years ago,

our fathers brought
forth upon this continent

a new nation,
conceived in Liberty,

and dedicated to the proposition

that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged
in a great civil w*r...

Over a few sandwiches.

Over a few sand...

Kay, my dear, I'm...

I'm sorry I behaved
the way I did

a little while ago.

I've changed my mind.

You may have your
little party on Tuesday,

and don't spare the expense.

- Come here, dear heart.
- No, no!

Don't touch me!

Kay, darling.

Carol was the last
person to see me alive.

You'll never get away with it!

- Kay!
- [screaming]

Ed?

Ed?

Ed, I know you're in there.

We are going to use
this as a polling place,

so open those doors
and stop sulking.

- Who's sulking?
- You are.

I am not.

I guess I'm wasting
my time with you.

How can I expect you to
understand the meaning

- of good citizenship?
- Go ahead, insult me.

Tell me I'm only a horse.

For your information, horses
played a tremendous part

in the history of our country.

Take Paul Revere's horse.

Nobody voted in his barn.

If it hadn't been for
Paul Revere's horse

carrying him in that
famous midnight ride,

we might still be
13 colonies today.

15. You forgot
Hawaii and Alaska.

- Don't be funny.
- I'm serious, Wilbur.

What can a horse
do for his country?

Plenty! It was horses
that built the West,

by pulling those
heavy covered wagons

over burning desert sands,
across high mountains.

I think they were jackasses.

Now, don't you say it.

Why, horses have run
all through the history

of our country.

There was Custer's Last Stand.

The famous Message to Garcia.

Teddy Roosevelt's Roughriders!

Uh, George Washington
crossing the Delaware.

That was on a boat.

Well, when he got off,

there was a horse
waiting for him.

The point I'm trying
to make is this...

That all through
American history,

it's horses that have made
this country what it is today.

Are you calling me a foreigner?

No. I'm just saying
you're very selfish.

You are trying to deprive
the American voter

of a place in which to vote.

Paul Revere's horse.

General Custer.

Teddy Roosevelt's Roughriders.

Yeah. We horses have
made America what it is today.

♪ Oh, beautiful ♪

♪ For spacious skies ♪

♪ For amber waves of grain ♪

Wilbur?

What would you say if I were
to wind up in City Hall one day?

I'd say pay the traffic
ticket and forget about it.

Would it surprise
you if I told you

I might run in next
year's election?

You?

It seems some of our neighbors
are considering drafting me.

You?

Ah, life can be full
of little surprises.

One day, I'm a
retired businessman,

basking in the sun,
taking things easy.

The next day, I'm
a public servant.

Still basking in the sun
and taking things easy.

Roger, are you serious?

Well, it wasn't my idea.

This morning, an official
from the registrar's office

dropped by and told
me I'd be a natural

for some public office.

Hmm. Well, with your
dislike for animals,

I'd say you'd make
a great dog catcher.

Well, if you're going
to talk like a fool...

No, wait a minute. I'm sorry.

I thought you
were pulling my leg.

You mean, you really
want to get into politics?

It isn't my idea,
the voters want me.

Wilbur.

You can do me a big favor.

Now it's very important that
I make a good impression

on the voters, you know...
Meet them on my own ground.

So I was wondering,

could we switch the voting
to my home tomorrow?

Oh, I don't know.

Carol's all hipped up
about having it at our house.

Talk to her, will you? And let
me know as soon as you can.

Mm. I better. I mean,
if we turned you down,

why someday you may run
a freeway through our house.

Hmm!

Ed, you can stop sulking.

I've got great news for you.
Roger has volunteered his house

for the voting tomorrow.

What's wrong with this place?

I thought you didn't like
all the noise, the people.

What people? These
are fellow Americans.

What made you change your mind?

That little speech you
made about American horses.

You made me fell like Black Bob.

Black Bob? Who's that?

The only horse
that chickened out

at the battle of Gettysburg.

I'm glad I finally
got through to you.

Wilbur, am I a good
American horse?

Oh, Ed, you're the finest.

If you were human,
you'd make a great citizen.

- Wilbur...
- Yeah?

- Can I vote?
- Can...

Oh, Ed, don't be ridiculous.

Show me in the Constitution

where it says horses can't vote.

Ed, please believe
me. Horses cannot vote.

Women vote, don't they?

Will you forget it?

This place will be crowded
with people tomorrow.

Why, they'd put me
away if I let my horse

go into a voting booth.

Well, we should
be allowed to vote.

We were here
before the pilgrims.

"Chickened out at Gettysburg."

I'll vote tomorrow if I have
to put on a pair of pants,

a shirt, and a
stupid expression.

Oh, thank you for voting.

If you want seconds,

there are fresh
sandwiches on the buffet.

- [Woman] Name, please.
- [Man] Ella.

We're very fortunate
to have such a nice day.

We'll have a fine turnout.

And may I say that is
a most attractive dress

you are wearing, Mrs. Willard.

Why, thank you, kind sir.

- Name, please.
- Oh, you know.

Flo Belle McGuire! [laughing]

That was a wonderful
table you set, Kay.

The food is delicious!

- [laughs]
- Well, thanks so much.

- Did you try the salad?
- Mm, marvelous.

You know, I wasn't
going to vote today,

but I couldn't resist the menu!

- Sign it, please.
- Flo Belle.

You know, if the voters
keep pouring in at this rate,

we should b*at last
year's mark by plenty.

I think we already have, Kay.

Any voters from now
on are pure gravy.

Gravy?

Hmm, that makes me hungry again.

I'll vote later.

- All right.
- No, Flo Belle.

No seconds till after you voted.

Oh, dear!

Well, I'll vote fast!

[clears throat]

Next, please.

Yes, there's a good chance

I may run next
year, Mrs. Phillips.

- Oh, really?
- Yes. You know...

that for years, the boys at
the club have been after me

to make my voice heard in
the cause of good government.

That's wonderful.

They seem to think I
have a lot of good ideas.

Well, your food is excellent.

Thank you.

Uh, Wilbur, the camera?

My, what a beautiful baby.

I would love to have
my picture taken

kissing that beautiful
child... may I?

- Of course.
- Well, thank you.

Baby?

- Okay, Governor.
- Thank you.

Uh...

Got it, Senator!

This picture will appear
in the Valley Express,

Mrs. Phillips... and don't
forget, tell all your friends,

next year, Roger Addison
for good government.

- Of course, and thank you.
- Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Say, Wilbur.

That kid's face
looked kind of puffy.

Do you suppose
he's got the mumps?

I don't know. Have you
ever had the mumps, Roger?

No.

If you get 'em, I know
a good baby doctor.

Pardon me.

Enjoying yourself?

- How do you do?
- Oh.

May I present myself?
Roger Addison.

I am, as you might
say, hosting this party.

How nice!

Thank you.

It is supposed to be a secret,

but there's a strong possibility

I may run for
assemblyman next year.

How nice!

My, what a cute little puppy.

You know, I adore animals.

- Wilbur.
- Coming.

May I have my picture
taken with this little dog

for the press?

How nice!

All right. Would
you smile, please?

Not you, Your Honor. The dog.

- Thank you.
- How nice.

It's going beautifully.
We've got a great turnout,

and I think I've met
every voter in the district.

"How nice"!

Pardon me.

- How do you do?
- This is quite a spread,
isn't it?

Thank you. Roger
Addison, your host.

Uh, boy. Would you
take a pitcher of me

with this distinguished
gentleman?

- A picture?
- Yes, you see,

I'm just getting into politics.

There seems to be a popular
demand to make me mayor.

Oh, you'll cherish this
picture, believe me.

I doubt it.

I'm the mayor.

Can't blame him much.

He's upset about losing his job.

Excuse me.

How do you do? I'm here to vote.

My name is Wilbur
Post... P-O-S-T.

Post.

Mm, what a handsome man.

Sure wish I weren't married.
Right in there, Mr. Post.

Thank you, ma'am.

And this isn't even my district.

How do you do?

[softly] Ed, get back!

I want to vote.

Ed, don't be silly.

I want to vote.

Listen, Ed, please.

Let's compromise, Wilbur.

Let me vote on
half of your ballot.

That would be illegal.

Ever hear of a split ticket?

Ed, for the last time...

Please, Wilbur, let me
vote on one proposition.

Okay.

Vote "yes" or "no" on this one.

"Whereas, the city water supply
has been proven inadequate

"to supply the constituency
from its normal sources

"as provided in
Article 4, Section 3

"of the amended charter of 1938,

"it is hereby proposed
the influx be diverted

"so as to supply the
aforesaid constituency

in the manner described above."

How do you want to
vote, Ed? Yes or no?

- I just remembered something.
- What?

I'm not old enough to vote.

Ed, it really worked.

We had a hundred
percent turnout.

You got to hand it to Roger.

He made it all possible.

Personally, he'll
never get my vote.

Why don't you like Roger?

It's like those propositions.

Too complicated to explain.

Well, he did a wonderful
thing for the community, Ed.

And he is my best friend.

You and your $2.00 camera!

Look at that picture
in the Valley Express.

My entire political
career is ruined.

How nice!

[laughing]

[mocking] "How nice."

Hello, Mrs. Davis.

I'm calling for
Mr. and Mrs. Post.

We want to thank you for voting.

And please vote at
our house next year.

It's a pleasure to do
business with you.

Thank you.

Ed? Are you still calling the
voters and thanking them?

Yep, and I gave them
a real strong argument

for coming back next year.

Appeal to their patriotism, huh?

No, their appetite.

I told them the main
course would be filet mignon.

[laughs]

I still wish I could
vote, Wilbur.

Ed, if horses could vote,

and you were elected president,

what would be the
first thing you'd do?

Well, uh, ahh...

I'd sure make a lot of
changes, you can believe me.

Like what?

For one thing, horses
would be riding people.

Hm. What else?

Every time a horse won a race,

the winnings would be
put aside for his old age.

Hmm. That's a good thought.

And, Mr. President,
of course you realize

you'd have to have a First
Lady in the White House.

Y-You mean, I'd
have to get married?

Sure!

Well, I'm back in
the barn, eating hay.

[laughs] You'd better
leave the voting to people.

Yeah. [laughs]

Anyway, I sure am lucky
to be living in a democracy.

We all are, Ed.

Who was it once said

"The man who can
right himself by a vote

will seldom resort to a musket"?

James Fenimore Cooper.

By golly, I think you're right.

How did you know that?

Well, I know I didn't say it,

and you didn't say it, so...

[together] It had to be
James Fenimore Cooper.

I know.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪