Oh, hi, Bub.
Hi. You're a little late
for dinner, ain't you?
Only about three hours, huh?
I grabbed a
sandwich at the plant.
Still have a lot of work I
have to finish up tonight.
No mail?
No mail?
What are you talking about
at this time of the month?
I brought it down here... I've
been checking on the bills.
Oh.
Hey, what are you doing
cleaning out the fireplace?
That's Mike's chore.
The whole house
could be full of ashes,
and he'd find some darned
excuse for not doing it.
So it's easier to do it myself.
I don't know what's the
matter with those guys.
Chip didn't put his milk
bottles out this morning.
Robbie hasn't cleaned
the garage in a week.
Bill... bill...
Hey, what's this? "To
Dad, from the boys."
It's not Father's
Day or my birthday.
No, no, no, it's "Be Good to Dad
So We Get a Raise
on Our Allowance" Day.
They finally got
around to it, huh?
You know, if I've
asked them once,
I've asked them a thousand
times to stop talking about a raise
in their allowances and to
put their request down on paper
in a businesslike way...
and then we could discuss it.
They want their
allowances doubled?
Why, they must be kidding.
Well, if they're kidding,
that's the only thing
they're doing around here.
They're sure not doing
any of their chores.
They want a trampoline
in the backyard?
Yeah. They say they need
that for off-duty relaxation.
You mean, they want to relax
from the work they're not doing.
Oh, boy.
Contractors on my back all day,
misprints in the specifications,
blueprints lost, and now this.
No wonder I got a headache.
Oh-oh, the bills,
don't forget the bills.
More headaches.
It's just too much.
14 hours a day, six days a week.
That makes, uh,
4,032 hours a
year... It's too much.
Hi, Dad! Boy, am I glad
to see you. You got the list.
I got it. Did you read it?
I read it.
Well, what do you think?
It's too much.
It's just too much.
Hi, Dad! Glad to see
you finally got home.
We got it in writing;
what do you think?
I think you ought to be in bed.
Why do we have to go to bed?
I thought we were
gonna talk first.
Yeah, Dad. You said when
we got our demands in writing
you'd talk to us about 'em.
Sorry, but I have
my chores to do,
and I don't like to leave them
undone so Bub has to do them for me,
if you know what I mean.
Now, what did Robbie
forget to do now?
Me? He didn't mean
me, he meant you.
Didn't you, Dad?
He did not mean
me, he meant you,
bean brain.
Hi, Dad. How'd you like what
we said about the trampoline?
Who are you calling
bean brain, knucklehead?
It was my idea about
the trampoline, Dad.
I took out the milk
bottles, didn't I?
Well, I took out
the garbage cans.
Maybe we can get a used one.
If it's not used too much.
The fireplace. I'll bet
you forgot to do the fireplace.
Hey, Dad? Will you knock it off?
Yeah, come on, Chip,
cut it out. You heard Dad.
No time for kid stuff.
Well, if we could just start
talking about allowances.
Where do we start?
You can start by going to bed.
Aw, gee, Dad, can't
we have our talk first?
Hey, Dad, you promised.
Not so loud.
Hey, Dad, you promised.
Who broke a window
at the Pearson's again?
And this telephone bill.
Boy.
Well, if we can't talk
tonight, when can we talk?
I don't know, Mike.
151 quarts of...?
What's Bub feeding around
here, the United States Navy?
It's too much.
It's just too much.
I need an aspirin.
Well, if you don't
know when we can talk,
when will you know, Dad?
I'm sorry, fellows, I'm so b*at,
I can hardly think,
let alone talk.
Okay, we understand...
A man only has so many
words to say every day,
and I've already said
mine. I'm talked out.
Sure, Dad, but think of
all the... And thought out.
What if I need a...?
And pooped out.
But, Dad, all the trouble
we went through just to...
Quiet, you guys.
Can't you see Dad's bushed?
Dad, if you could just set
a time for us to talk about it.
And pretty soon, please,
Dad, because I'm broke,
and if I don't get some money...
We're all broke.
Me, too. I need some more...
Not so loud, dumbo!
Dad's tired.
Pipe down, Robbie.
Quiet, all of you!
And go to bed.
Well, gee, Dad!
It's not fair.
Robbie's right.
We've put all our
gripes down on paper,
just like you told us to.
Well, it-it just
doesn't seem fair.
Okay, so I'm unfair.
Why don't you get a soapbox
and go out on the corner
and tell all the neighbors?
Tell them you've
got an unfair father
who won't discuss an
increase in your allowances
until you start earning the
money you're already getting.
Or better still, if you
think I'm so unfair,
why don't you go out on strike?
You know, walk up and down
in front of the house,
carrying picket signs.
"Steve Douglas is
unfair to his sons."
What's a strike?
Gee, Dad, we don't
want to go on strike.
All right, don't go on strike.
If you think things are
so bad around here,
join the Foreign
Legion or something.
But before you leave, I strongly
suggest you all hit the sack.
Right now.
Good night.
I'm sorry, fellows.
It's just that I've
had a rough day.
Good night, Dad.
Night, Dad.
Wow.
Yeah.
Is Dad talking about baseball?
Well, he told us to do it.
We were just following orders.
Gee, how come he wants
us to go out and strike?
Coach is always
telling us not to.
Bub didn't have
to do that fireplace.
I was going to do it tomorrow.
Every time I try to
clean up the garage,
Dad's car is always in the way.
Gee, who wants
to go out and strike?
Sometimes, it's the only
way to get to first base.
Are you kidding?
Three strikes, and you're out.
Yeah, well, in this
game, it's one strike,
and you're out.
And when the umpire
calls out on you,
you're not just out,
you're locked out.
Boy, that doesn't
sound like much fun.
That's the whole point, stupid.
We got to do
something about this kid.
He's getting
dumber every minute.
How come you got to
ask so many questions
when you don't know anything?
If I don't,
how am I ever going
to find out anything?
Come in.
Chip, why aren't you in bed?
I want a drink of water.
Well, go in the
bathroom and get one,
and then get to
bed, will you, please?
Dad...
how can you get to
first base by striking out?
When the catcher drops
the ball on the third strike.
How come Robbie says
you're out on the first strike?
Well, I don't know what
he meant by that, Chip,
but I guess none of us know
quite what we're saying tonight.
Maybe we'll all feel
better in the morning, huh?
Good night.
Night, Dad.
Oh, Chip, uh, don't
forget your drink of water.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Now batting with 56
homeruns and 410 RBIs,
the league's leading
hitter, that king of swat,
Chip A. Douglas.
Winds up. Here's the pitch.
Strike one! You're out!
♪ At the old ball game. ♪
Oh!
Daddy, let me in!
No!
Please, Daddy. Why?
Let me have a
glass of water, Dad.
Please, let me in, Dad.
Let me in, Dad.
Water, Dad!
Why did a young genius
with your sense of humor
ever join the Foreign Legion?
I don't want to talk about it.
It's too ugly.
Things got rough back
home after we struck Dad.
The whole town
turned against us.
I came here to forget.
If we ever get back
to the post... Yes.
If we ever get back
to the post alive...
Yes? Yes?
Don't forget to
clean the bathroom.
Oh, Bub!
And I tell you, ladies
and gentlemen,
that I'm here to see
that justice is done.
Hip, hip.
Steve Douglas is a sl*ve driver.
Hip, hip!
Steve Douglas is unfair!
Hip, hip!
Look at him.
He's the enemy!
We need your help to
free the Douglas boys.
He's almost on his knees.
Get him. Get him!
He's almost on his knees.
He's almost on his knees.
Get him. Get him!
Get him. Get him!
He's on his knees.
We've got him!
We've got him! We've got him!
No. Let him go.
He's my father.
Let him alone!
He's my father.
Let go of him!
He's my father!
Let him alone!
He's my father!
Let him alone!
He's my father!
My father!
Hi. Anybody home?
Hi, fellas.
Sorry I'm late for dinner.
Fellas?
Robbie?
Mike?
Chip?
It's me.
Oh, boy.
Mike?
Mike?
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, it's, uh, almost 2:30.
What are you doing up so late?
I, uh, I-I got hungry.
Oh.
Dreams are, uh,
funny, aren't they?
Huh?
I, uh...
I fell asleep
upstairs... I, uh...
Yeah, they're real funny.
Real real sometimes.
Yeah.
You know, Mike, when
you were a little fella,
you used to have bad
dreams once in a while,
and you'd come flying
into bed with Mom and me.
Pretty soon, you'd settle
down and go to sleep again.
Then one of us
would carry you back
into your own bed.
That was a long time ago.
I guess you don't remember that.
Well, sure, I do... sort of.
Hmm, good cheese.
Want some? No.
You mean you can
smell it from there?
Tastes better than it smells.
You know, this is nice.
I mean, just the two
of us sitting here, uh,
talking like this.
I'd forgotten how easy it is
to talk to just one
of you at a time.
Yes, sir, it's,
uh, it's real nice.
I enjoy talking to you.
Unless it's about money.
Oh, I didn't mean
that, it just came out.
Sometimes, that's when you
say what you really mean, Mike.
When it just
comes out like that.
Why don't we get it all
out in the open, huh?
All right.
Look, answer one thing.
Can you afford
to give us a raise?
Yes, I can afford it, Mike,
but that's not the point.
Well, gee, a guy
needs a little money
in his pocket to
operate, that's all.
I mean, senior year's
a lot of loot, Dad.
I'm gonna have
to-to-to rent a tux and...
and pay for things
like class pictures and...
and class pins and-and games
and-and the yearbook.
I know that all runs
into money, Mike.
How do you think
I feel when I pull
into a service station
with a g*ng of kids
and say, "Fill her
up," and then have
to sneak two fingers
out the window.
I just got to get a
raise, Dad, or-or...
or maybe I'd better
quit school and get a job.
Oh, come on now,
Mike, it's not that bad.
Oh, no?
Even Robbie's in hock.
He borrows from Fizzy
to pay Streaky Beloff and...
and then borrows from Streaky
to pay Fizzy back.
And Chip's broke,
too, because...
because I even have
to borrow from him.
Well...
Mike, I... I told
you I'd read this,
but I didn't want to discuss it
because I thought your
demands were unreasonable.
But, uh, maybe I'm wrong.
Let's talk about it, hmm?
Well, okay.
Like I said, we... we've
got so many expenses.
Well, then, you'll
just have to cut down.
I thought you said
we were going to talk.
We are talking, Mike.
You're giving orders.
Oh, no, no, I'm just suggesting.
All right, suggest.
Now, let's not get
emotional about it.
Just say your piece,
and we'll go from there.
Well, boy... But let's get down
to the real issues...
Let's not play
cat and mouse with
each other, hmm?
Okay.
Now, you want your
allowances doubled.
Right. Well, that's out.
Out? Well, just let me finish.
Well, if we're
gonna talk about it,
let's at least be fair.
Now, wait a minute...
What good is talking gonna do
if you've got your
mind already made up?
"Out," you said,
right off the bat.
What good is talking
about it going to do?
Well, what do you want me to do,
put your demands
on a silver platter
and come crawling
to you on my knees?
Get him! He's on his knees.
He's on his knees!
We've got him.
We've got him, we've got him.
I'm sorry, Dad.
It's all right, Mike.
Well, uh...
let's, uh, talk about this, huh?
Now, you, uh,
say you want your
allowances doubled, hmm?
Yes.
Well, suppose you had a chance
to double your allowances,
but you had to do
extra work for it.
How would that be?
Well, fine. Okay.
I will, uh, work out a pay scale
for extra work you
do around the house
with, uh, bonuses
for doing it in a hurry
and, uh, then you get
docked if you don't do it
or you don't do it
when it should be done.
How's that? Okay, okay.
Now, this, uh, trampoline
and, uh, some
other things in here,
that's just padding, isn't it?
Well... Well, now,
come on, Mike,
let's be honest with each other.
You knew I wouldn't
go for everything in here,
so a lot of it is just
frosting, isn't it?
Well, yeah, I guess so.
I guess so.
Now, uh, here, Mike,
extra money for gas.
What is that?
Well, I take Chip to school,
and-and I'm always hauling
Bub around someplace.
I don't mind, except
that, you know,
it comes out of my pocket.
Yeah, you've got
a point there, Mike.
We'll work out a fair
mileage allowance for gas.
We'll make it
retroactive to, uh,
well, the beginning
of last month.
How will that be? Oh, swell.
Of course, you understand,
we don't expect to get
paid for everything we do.
I mean, we'll still do a
lot of things for nothing,
aside from our regular
chores. Oh, I hope so.
And I'm always good for
any unexpected expenses
that might come up, like, uh...
well, like your renting
a tuxedo for the dance.
That shouldn't come
out of your allowance.
Oh, thanks.
So you see, Mike,
it isn't all just black
and white, is it?
I guess not.
Why don't you get a couple
of pencils and some paper,
and we'll really get
to work on this thing?
Okay.
Well, Mike, that, uh,
takes care of
everything, doesn't it?
Well, I can't think
of anything else.
This is going to work fine.
Of course, it's all subject
to Robbie and Chip's approval.
Oh, they'll go for it.
Don't worry.
Let's get to bed, huh?
Good thing we don't
have to get up tomorrow.
Yeah... clean this up
so Bub doesn't get on our necks.
Shh, I was not
yelling. Yes, you were.
You were yelling in your sleep.
Shh. Shh, yourself!
What are you fellas
doing out of bed?
Well, who can sleep
when dumbo here
keeps grinding
his teeth all night?
I was not grinding my teeth!
Shh.
Bub's asleep in there...
Now, don't wake him up.
I was not grinding my teeth.
How can you tell what you're
doing when you're asleep?
Well, I just know!
Now, come on,
let's get back to bed.
I'm hungry, Dad.
Yeah, me, too.
Well, we might as
well make a party, huh?
Well, how about some
cake and a glass of milk?
Yeah, sure. Oh, boy.
Hey, Robbie, come
and look at this.
Dad and I got this whole
allowance thing worked out.
No kidding, let me see.
Dad?
Hmm?
How come you slammed
the door in my face
when I only had one strike?
What are you talking about?
In that bad dream I had.
You had a bad dream, too, huh?
Hey, how come I got
to do both the backyard
and the garage?
Shh, read the rest of it.
You don't expect to get paid
for doing nothing, do you?
So you see, Chip, this, uh, kind
of strike has nothing
to do with baseball.
It's, uh, well, it's a way
of getting attention.
How do you mean, Dad?
Well, let's see, how
can I explain it to you?
Uh, well, say you ask me nicely
for a glass of water.
Here's a fork, Rob. Thank you.
And, uh, I didn't pay
any attention to you,
so you started
pounding on the door
and yelling that you
wanted a glass of water,
and I still didn't
listen to you.
So then you said to me,
"Dad, if you don't
give me a glass
"of water, I'm going on strike.
"I'm going in my
room and lock the door
and never come out again."
Boy, I bet you'd
get me a glass of water then.
No, no, maybe I wouldn't.
Because, uh, well,
maybe I'd get mad
and refuse to give you the water
because I didn't
want to be threatened.
Then where would we be?
You would be in your room
without the water, and, uh,
I wouldn't have you
to talk to or to play with
or to help with the
work around the house.
That'd sure be goofy.
So that's what
retroactive means!
Not so loud.
Boy, that's great.
Now I'll be able to pay
off both Fizzy and Streaky.
Of course, most of
the time these days,
there's no need for a
strike, because the boss
and the workers
sit down at a table
and work out their problems,
just like Mike and I did.
That way, uh, everybody
comes out ahead.
Hey, Steve, for crying out loud,
what's the big idea?
Oh, Bub, we were just,
uh, working here on...
Hi, Bub. Do you
know what time it is?
Yes, we were just going...
What kind of an example
is this to set these fellas?
Well, Mike and I started working
out... Now don't stop to explain now.
There's no reason on
Earth Go on to bed, boys.
To be sitting up at this hour
of the night chewing the rag.
Now just leave that where it is.
Just put it down there,
I'll take care of it. All right.
Get these guys up to bed
where they belong, will you?
I do the best I can around here,
but I need a little
help, you know?
Fine thing.
Steve letting those
kids sit up all night
in a bull session at their age.
And I get stuck with the mess.
Dirty fireplace, dirty bathroom,
dirty dishes.
Dirty shame, that's what it is.
Well, good night, Chipper.
Good night, Dad.
Good night, Dad.
Good night, Rob.
See you at breakfast.
Breakfast, Dad... Do
we have to get up?
Uh, Rob, lunch time. Good night.
Good night, Dad.
Good night, Mike.
Dad?
Thanks.
For what?
For taking the time to talk.
Oh.
Well, Mike, I guess there's
not much use in being a father
if you can't, uh, find time
to talk to your own sons.
Well, at least you'll never have
to worry about a strike
in the Douglas household.
I'll go on a sit-down strike.
That's what I'll do.
Get myself a little
action around here.
Call attention to all the
mess around this place.
I might even print a
sign and picket the place.
"Douglas family unfair
to household help."
That sounds pretty good to me.
I should've signed a contract.