04x21 - New Deputy in Town

[bunniefuu]

- 'Yee-haw!'
- 'Yee-haw!'

It all started one
Hazzard morning

as Bo and Luke Duke was
comin' back from a huntin' trip.

When they weren't hunting
co*n, they weren't huntin' possum.

They weren't even huntin' women.

They was huntin'
The American Dream.

Uncle money.

How're we doing now?

Well, what with that
$ for the fencing job

we got a grand total of

if I don't let it blow
out the window.

Hah. Well, great!

That means we're
only $ short now

of getting that tractor fixed.

Oh, sh**t, they're
playing our song.

- You're speedin'?
- No, I'm going .

Right on the nose. Cross my
heart and hope to give up women.

Now, friends, that's an oath.

We can't afford a
citation right now.

- Get a-hikin'. Let's go.
- Right.

Bo!

Nah.

Right now, it looks
like the Duke boys

are on a losing streak,
with more to come.

Special Hazzard town
meetin' will come to order.

Everybody sit down.

Now, the secretary will read
the minutes of the last meeting.

Done.

The chairmen of all
committees will give their reports.

Done. Now, we come to open...

Chairman Boss, listen, would
you mind going easy on the gavel?

You're giving Flash
and me a headache.

You're out of order. The
chair didn't recognize you.

Quiet, quiet. Now, we
come to old business.

Done. Now, we
come to new business.

- Would you give her an aspirin?
- Ooh, yeah, yeah.

Now, new business. And
that's what we're here for.

- New business.
- New business.

Very first item on the
agenda is the financial crisis

facin' our town treasury.

Our cash flow has dwindled
down to an itty-bitty little drip.

Ooh, good news, good
news, Boss. Listen.

I just, I just got the Duke
boys and gave 'em a $ ticket.

- Didn't we, Flash?
- Ah, bull feathers!

That ticket is just
a hunk of paper.

What we need around
here is cash. Cold cash!

- And on the barrel head.
- Right.

Therefore, in view
of this, I hereby move

a new town law to it.

All citations shall be
henceforth paid for

by the perpetrators
on the spot... in cash.

Cash.

Or else, into the
clink, they go.

- 'How say you vote?'
- Well, I don't...

Pass!

J.D. Hogg.

Oh, hello, Lulu.

Uh, no, no, I can't talk to you
now, precious. I'm very busy.

Well, eat another
breakfast, then.

- Oh, my.. Rosco!
- What?

I want you to get Cletus
and you get out there

and start that money rollin' in.

Just remember, our
new Hazzard motto.

- Cash or clink.
- Cash... or clink. Ooh!

Meetin' adjourned.

Where's my gavel?

That fleabag of yours
is chewin' on my gavel.

Oh, Flash darlin',
don't do that now.

- Give me that!
- 'Spit it out.'

She's got the munchies.

- Look at this.
- That's a mess, isn't it?

That hound of yours
is gonna pay for this

now, on the spot, in cash
or into the clink with her.

Maybe, we can get
some putty, fill it in.

Give it a varnish job.

No, you can't do nothing.
Meetin' adjourned!

What with the $ you just
brought and the we had

we're still gonna be short
of getting our tractor fixed.

We need $ , or we
ain't gonna have no tractor

and maybe no new crop.

Now, the situation
was a mite ticklish.

You see, when
they gave out pride

the Dukes got more
than a double dose.

A lot of the Hazzard
folks owed them money

for the work they'd
done for them

and the Dukes had to
try and collect that money

from everybody without lookin'
like they's hard up, you know.

Which they are.

You see, Jesse feels the
same way about that tractor

that the boys feel
about General Lee.

Some folks are like
that about machinery.

Now, let's think a minute.

We still got money comin'
from Mr. Pringle, that roofin' job.

- That's right. That's right.
- I got two weeks back pay.

Alright. And Bill
Tucker never paid me

for that last load
of corn he got.

You see, a little bit
here, a little bit there.

We're not gettin'
anythin' standin' around.

- Let's go.
- Alright.

Where the heck did
that stop sign come from?

Cletus. Dang it all!

Must be the Hogg
blood in him coming up.

Ha ha ha.

Well, all he's hurt is his
pride and his fender, I think.

'Where's that comin' up from?'

Looks like an
out-of-town smokey to me.

Who's drivin' that thing?

Listen, officer, we..

Okay, hold it right there.

My, oh, my! Think I have d*ed
and gone to speed trap heaven.

- Get outta there right now.
- Yes' ma'am.

Please, no need to sugarcoat it.

Put your hands over
here, where I can see 'em.

What seems to be the problem?

I saw you tryin' to
escape from that deputy.

- Cletus, huh?
- That's Cletus. Come on.

We're just kinda
playin' around a little.

Look, you can relax,
and kinda turn that thing..

It's okay, deputy, I
caught them for you.

Oh, thank you very
much. Eh-h.. Pretty!

A girl, aint' you?

Cletus, will you call her
off? Tell her who we are?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. This
is Bo and Luke Duke.

That's okay, you can
put the w*apon away.

- 'Know each other a long time.'
- 'Grew up together and stuff.'

Ain't you out of
your jurisdiction?

Well, I've been assigned to
a temporary duty in Hazzard.

And right now, I
gotta go report in.

Deputy Hogg, they're
all yours. Bye-bye.

Thank you, ma'am.

Goodbye, now.

Nice workin' with you.

Keep between ditches.
We'll see you later.

I'd like to find myself in
the hands of that kind of law.

Are you kiddin' me?
We don't need it! Get it?

Don't hang..

Boss, listen, that was a phone
call from down in Roseville

and they're sending a
deputy sheriff down here

on a tour duty, here in Hazzard.

- What'd you say?
- I said they're sending a...

I heard what you said! Oh,
dang it, that's all we need!

Some big, dumb
flatfoot from outta town

sticking his nose
in our business.

Listen, don't you
worry about it, fat buddy

because if a big, dumb flatfoot
comes in here, I will kick...

Sheriff Coltrane.

I'm Officer Barnes
from Roseville.

Barnes. Did you say L.M. Barnes?

Officer Linda Mae Barnes
reporting for temporary duty.

Oh, well..

- Well, well, well and well.
- To say the least.

I'm J.D. Hogg,
police commissioner.

- And I'm Rosco P. Coltrane.
- Nice to meet you.

And I'm commissioner of
everything else around here.

Say, would you like a piece of
my homemade chicken pizza?

It's homemade.

Oh, no, no, thank you. I
have to watch my figure.

You're gonna have to stand
in line with the rest of us here.

Sheriff. The US Marshal's
office has sent you

these signed secret orders.

- Oh, I appreciate it.
- Secret? What secret?

Uh, it says "Top Secret" here.

- Hello?
- Can I open this right here?

Oh, hello, Lulu dumplin'.

Oh, that's my fat sister.

I'm too busy to talk
to you still. Mm-hmm.

Eh? Well, just have
another breakfast.

Alright, what's in them
secret orders you got?

Are they kiddin'? They
kiddin' about this Rafe Logan?

Rafe Logan?

Ain't he public
enemy number two?

'Well, read it, read it.'

"This is to notify
you that Rafe Logan

"is being transported by car

"from Roseville to Atlanta

"He and his escort'll stop
for the night in Hazzard

and use the jail facility."

What do you know about that?

Officer, honey, these secret
orders just made my day.

Are you kiddin', Boss?
Why're you so happy?

It says, Logan's a k*ller.
He could hurt you, too.

Which means, I can
charge the U.S. government

a big bundle for boardin'
a dangerous criminal.

Oh! That's good!

Thank you very
much, officer, honey.

You see, we was havin' a little
cash flow problem around here.

- It was better than drippin'.
- Yeah!

In return for what you're
doin', I'd like to offer you..

A piece of this pizza.

- There's a pizza.
- It's my very own recipe.

- I made it with my own hands.
- With his chubby li'l fingers

It's smothered in chittlins
and floating in hog fat!

Now, that's awful.
He left off the okra.

I thought you
wouldn't wanna eat.

Now, the boys were
curious about two things.

The girl deputy and the car
that overtook them so fast.

- How you doing, Luke?
- Fine, sweetheart. How are you?

- Fine.
- How you doing, Luke?

- How you doing?
- Just fine.

There's old, Cletus.

Go ahead, you take a big bite.

You know, I'm going
to sell this pizza

to them folks comin'
to see the jail cell.

Which jail cell is that?

- The one Rafe Logan slept in.
- Oh, that one!

I'm gonna sell
tickets to see it, too.

And plus t-shirts and
mugs and little figurines.

No, Mr. Hogg!
This is top secret.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah!

- You saw the orders.
- Of course, I did.

Listen, I was
referrin' to afterwards.

When Rafe Logan's long gone.

- Hi Buddy!
- Oh, Cletus!

Say, you bringing
me big load of cash?

I nailed them Duke with that
cockamamie stop sign of yours.

- Good, good.
- Officer Barnes nailed them.

Oh, she did!

I think I'm going
to like this girl.

You're the only one in
Hazzard who can nail Dukes!

Cletus, hand over the
money. That's a $ citation.

They also damaged his patrol car

which makes 'em liable
for that money, too.

So you saw that, too?
Thank you very much.

Cletus, how much
did you collect?

After Officer Barnes left,
I gave them a $ ticket.

I didn't have change, so
they went home for change.

I don't want to hear that.
How much did you collect?

I'm coming to that.

I took the ticket, and
walked around the car.

They told me to hold
the ticket for collateral.

How much did you collect?

Nothing. They never came back!

They never came back? Oh, damn!

Oh! Oh!

Now, you see,
dipstick, what you did?

You made him squish his pizza.

I'll just go watch..

- Would you...
- The Duke boys are here.

- Duke boys are here!
- The Duke boys are...

That's $ plus $ for
damaging a county car.

If them Duke boys
don't have the money

which I'm sure they
don't, in the jail they go.

Yes, it's cash or clink!

Go on, go on, go get 'em.

- Oh!
- Why don't you use that door?

- You want some help?
- Are you kiddin'?

I don't need help. You just
watch two deputy sheriffs

do their duty.

I swear, she'd come
right on over top of us.

Freeze!

Alright, you Duke boys,
you're under arrest.

Seems that you
owe the county $ .

Five hundred and
twenty-five bucks!

- Are you...
- How'd you figure that?

I'll tell you how I figured.

Twenty-five dollars for the fine

and $ for scuffing
Cletus' vehicle.

- That $ per fender.
- 'You hush.'

Come up with it or
you're going to the clink

and this time I mean business.

- No business like go business.
- Mm-hmm.

What are you two ruffians
doing with this vehicle?

Yeah, look, Rosco. Look
under this carburetor.

- Look under the air cleaner.
- It's a little bit fancy.

Come back here! Take it out.

- Come back here!
- Cletus...

You know, this is hot pursuit!

I'm sure..

He's comin'.

Looks like they're in a giant
pinball machine, don't it?

Hope they don't tilt.

Well, they look alright.

Cletus' fenders are sure
takin' an awful beatin'.

Meanwhile, back in
town, that girl deputy

was slipping out to
make a phone call.

I didn't trust her
from the start.

She's too pretty.

- 'Hello.'
- Denny, it's me.

Our scam is workin' perfectly.

- Did they buy me callin'?
- Sure, did!

And the secret orders, and
maybe a real police officer.

Good. Good.

Listen, my inside guy in
Roseville just tipped me.

A U.S. marshal'll arrivin'
in Hazzard with Rafe.

- At : this afternoon.
- Perfect!

By : we should
have your brother sprung.

'Right. Anyone gets in our
way, we'll take care of 'em.'

I'll be there by : .
Where can we meet?

On , there's a
dirt road, take a right.

Then go down till it ends.
There's a gully to the left.

- I'll meet you there.
- Okay. Got it. Bye.

Uh-huh! I told you.

Phonier than a
three-dollar bill.

Boy, she does walk
good, don't she?

'Wiring looks to
be alright though.'

- Well?
- Daisy just pulled up.

Been able to find
any wires there?

'What the hell's goin' on?'

Bo and Luke sent
out a call on the C.B..

And the Duke family gathered
to talk over what was happening.

Y'all tellin' me,
because you couldn't pay

their phony ticket,
they'll throw you in jail!

- You got it!
- Cash or clink.

That's Boss Hogg's new motto.

Not only the
bucks for the ticket

it's $ damages
on Cletus' car.

You gotta pay damages?

We still gotta fix our tractor.

That just has to be done!

Hey, we can't give up here.
Where's the Duke spirit?

Let's not stand around here.

- Lets get at 'em.
- Let's get movin'.

- See you later.
- We'll catch up with you.

- Call us if you want us.
- Take care.

In town, when Boss heard
about Bo and Luke escaping again

he got so mad that he
made some big changes.

So I'm making Linda
Mae Barnes acting sheriff.

- What?
- Are you kidding me?

What do you mean you're
making her "acting sheriff"?

I don't want nothing wrong when
public enemy number two's here.

I've had it up to here
with you two clucks!

It happens that I'm
an elected cluck.

Not anymore, you ain't.

I'm making you, honey, acting
sheriff of Hazzard County.

And I'm making
you acting deputy.

Ooh-hoo! That hurt!

Well, your wallet's
gonna start hurtin', too.

On account, if you
don't catch them Dukes

the money's coming
out of your pay.

I don't want to cause trouble
around here, Mr. Hogg.

Will you please
call me Jefferson?

And besides, it ain't
no trouble, honey.

It's a real pleasure.

Now, let's just
adjourn to my office.

'J.D. Hogg here.'

Oh, hello, Lulu honey.

What, my little apple
pie? I still can't talk to you.

I'm busier than ever!

Well, start on your lunch.

Uh, acting sheriff,
won't you know

there's an awful lot
of particular points

about your duties in Hazzard,
I've to discuss with you.

Hmm!

You know something,
I'm so mad, I could spit.

Don't do that. That's $ fine

Will you just hush hush?

It's all 'em Duke's
fault anyway.

If it hadn't been for
them.. Tell you what I'll do.

I'll nail 'em to the wall.

Don't just stand
there. Let's go!

Free that car. Get it on out.

- Cletus!
- What?

Get in your own vehicle.

Hogg will sh**t when he sees it.

Alright. Eee!

Thirty, forty, fifty.

Meanwhile, Bo and Luke was
collecting money owed to 'em.

- Let's get outa here!
- Alrighty!

Come spring, I'm gonna
put a new roof on this barn.

We'll do it!

Thank you, sir!

Well, another
bucks in the kitty.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it sure is
growin' slow, ain't it?

Why don't we go to Cooter's.

See if he could sell that C.B..

- Good idea.
- A first time for everythin'.

It's best to let Cooter know
about our financial problems.

Ol' Cooter'll sell his boots if
he knew we needed money.

Pretty embarrassin' seein'
him runnin' around barefoot.

You got that right.

Ooh!

Cletus, this is your
superior officer, Rosco.

'I guessed right. Here they go.'

We got 'em in a box this time.

Now, let's gift wrap 'em.

A little hot pursuit.

- Where Rosco is...
- Cletus ain't far...

In front.

They'll never get
through all that!

- Ha! You son of a g*n!
- Yeah, he looks alright.

What a horrendous embarrassment!

Oh, man!

Cletus, you dipstick,
get me outta here!

- You alright?
- You know you.. Hurry up.

Well, Linda Mae's partner
was right on schedule

headin' for town.

As you can see, I
gotta make myself

another one of my
famous chittlin pizzas.

So if you don't mind

you can wait around
here and watch me.

Uh-oh, here comes Lulu Hogg.

She's only eaten
about three times today.

She's feelin' hungry and mean.

First, I roll out this
here pizza dough.

I take me the rolling pin,
and away I go. He he he.

You wouldn't like to try this
yourself, would you, Linda Mae?

Oh, I'd love to, Jefferson.

Oh, you would? Alright,
just take this here.

That's right. Now, be gentle.

I mean, you need to
have a very delicate touch

so as not to bruise nothin'.

'Oh, no no no.
Easy, easy, does it.'

'Here, let me put
my arms around you'

I ain't too close,
am I, sugar pie?

'Oh, no, Jefferson!'

'Oh, there we go.'

Ain't this fun?

Fun?

Jefferson Davis Hogg! So this
why you've been too busy for me!

No, listen, sugar pie.

Look, look, I don't
know what you're thinkin'

but I was just showin'
Linda Mae here

who is actin' sheriff, uh,
how to roll pizza dough.

Well, when you come
home tonight, just forget it

'cause you ain't
gettin' in that door!

Look, I was just
rollin' out a pizza.

See? See? Yoo!

Animal!

Oh, sugar, don't go!

Oh, dang! Oh, what a woman!

Oh, hello!

'Where's the bowl of butter..'

Hey! I got some
good news for you two.

That C.B. you brought
here you wanted me to sell.

Got $ from my cousin.

- Hey, alright!
- Whoo! You are a horse trader.

Hey, listen, if y'all are sure,
I got a little in the mattress.

Nah, we just got a bunch
of junk up in the barn

we figured we'd get rid of it.

Just a little drinkin' money.

Yeah, that lady police
brought this thing by.

She wants me to fix an oil leak.

You know, that
gal moves like a..

She's got more curves than
old Mount Pine Road, ain't she?

That's what I meant to say.

I still can't shake the feelin'

that somethin'
about her ain't right.

- What?
- Cooter.

Have you ever seen a police
car with an engine like that?

No, I can't say that I have.

No smog device on it.

And it's got that
nitrous oxide...

And look at that air
conditioner compressor

it's just for looks,
it ain't hooked up.

I wonder what else.

'J.D. Hogg here callin'
Actin' Sheriff Barnes!'

J.D. Hogg callin'
Sheriff Barnes.

This is Barnes here, Mr. Hogg.

I'm havin' a little slight
domestic problem over my house.

Oh, please, lamb chop

let's act like civilized
people, shall we?

Oh, listen, sheriff, I
can't get over there now

so, I'm gonna put you in
complete charge of everything.

Don't do that, please
little jelly donut.

Think of the kids.

We don't have any kids!

You beast! You animal!

Don't do that! Argh!

And meanwhile, the
marshal escortin' Rafe Logan

was headin' for Hazzard

We're gonna stop for
the night somewhere?

Don't worry about it, Logan.

When I get you to Atlanta,
you're gonna be nice and fresh

for that grand jury.

Yeah, we're gonna be stoppin'.

We just gonna have
to go check her out.

Or Luke ain't gonna
be able to sleep nights.

How you suppose
we're gonna do it?

- I figure you can handle it.
- Me?

Sure, we put in a phone call
to Roseville Police Department.

- I will?
- You will.

What am I gonna say?

Well, you ask them about
patrol car number

I don't know, think
of somethin' for once.

I gotta think of somethin'...

Cooter, could we use the phone?

Would you give me the Roseville
Police Department, please?

Cletus? Cletus?

I'm gonna go to Cooter's garage
and have some dents taken out.

Me, too. I gotta get
three new fenders.

Be better check in with
the new actin' sheriff first?

You just hush it! I ain't gonna
check with that badge grabber.

Just hush it up...

Don't have to get
hot, I was just askin'.

- Ooh! Cletus!
- What?

You dipstick! You
see what you've done?

You really scuffed it then!

You ain't got no patrol
car number - - ?

'Thanks a lot. Bye.'

I guess, our little patrol
car here is a phony

And so is Officer
Linda Mae Barnes.

- Oh, ain't that a shame?
- What kinda game she's playin'?

Whatever, we ought to
report it to the authorities.

After the bill we got
lined up out there

for wrecked police cars?

It could be a bank shipment
or a payroll or somethin'.

Whatever it is, it's gonna
come down bad and hard on us.

Then, y'all better
decide somethin' quick

'cause I recognize that
engine. Rosco is here.

Let's try it.

Hey, Rosco, We're
sorry about all that.

Hush, I wanna talk
to the Duke boys..

You are the Dukes..

We got somethin'
mighty important to tell ya.

- Hush, I don't wanna hear it.
- It's about the gal there.

Don't wanna hear
about that girl.

I'm gonna show
that badge snatcher

'what a real sheriff's like.
Now, just march over to jail.'

- Hold on there, Rosco!
- You hush, too.

- 'March it, march it.'
- Yes, sir. You got it.

Well, would you look at that?

Bo and Luke spent
so much time in a car

I wonder sure if
they can even walk

much less, run.

- Let that go!
- Freeze!

Just go get my
vehicle and follow me!

Through there?

- Cletus, you idiot!
- Oh, go around. Right.

Come back here!

Cletus, you dipstick!
You nearly run over me!

After those Dukes!
I'm gonna catch them

if it's the last thing I do!

Well, so much for
tryin' to tell Rosco.

Ooh! Ooh-ooh!
Another hot pursuit!

We got 'em this time.
We got 'em good!

Cletus, you mud-hole!

What're you doin'
with my steerin' wheel?

- It came off, - Give me that!

Get it on there!

'You stop it!'

Okay. What should we do now?

Should we go to Boss?
Call Roseville or what?

Look, we ain't got time to
do either of those things.

We keep a close eye on that girl

'cause things will
start happenin' fast!

Hello, Lulu cupcake,
this is J.D.. Uh, wait, wait..

Uh, wait a minute.
Don't hang up on me.

Listen, I'm just
goin' to clear up

this little misunderstandin'
between us.

I sure hated to see that
little pumpkin face of yours

all sad and miserable..

Mm-hmm, yeah, I want
you happy and smilin'

with 'em cute dimples
of yours, oh, sure.

Yeah, all of 'em.

'Yeah.'

Hello? He.. Oh!

Dang!

I'm really sorry

I caused you so much
trouble with your wife now.

It really ain't your fault.

I mean, she is
like this a little.

She'll get over it.

When she gets her appetite back.

Meanwhile, thanks to you

I got a good chance of gettin'
my cash flow going again.

How's that look to you?

You promised there'd be no talk
about Rafe Logan comin' to town

till after he's long gone.

Yeah, yeah.

This is top secret, remember?

Oh, yeah, I remember, honey.

But don't forget, this
is a small little town.

Won't be many folks around.

What harm can it do
if we sell a few tickets?

Tickets?

In case you folks
lost your time table

the hood pal of Linda Mae
is due in Hazzard at o'clock.

And Rafe Logan at o'clock.

In Hazzard, it's : .

I sure am gettin'
sleepy, marshal.

How about you?

You lookin' awful tired.

You look like an
old man over there.

Bo and Luke called
Jesse and Daisy

to help keep an
eye on Linda Mae.

Or whoever she is.

You boys, alright?

And when they told 'em
about the gal police officer

being a fake, and the
trouble that was comin'

well, the Duke money
problems was put aside.

Folks was in trouble.

Did y'all tell Rosco this?

Well, we tried to

but it's kinda hard to talk
and run at the same time.

We figured since
she is acting sheriff

maybe you two could go in
there and get somethin' out of her.

Okay.

We'll see what we can find out.

- Alrighty.
- Where's the General?

Well, we figured he'd
stick out as a sore thumb.

So borrowed Cooter's tow truck.

Okay.

Be careful now.

- Yes, sir.
- You got it.

Now, look here, Mr. Hogg

this is an undercover operation.

Oh, yeah, so it is.

It's got to remain a secret.

Yeah, like you say it, honey.

'Calling the Hazzard County
sheriff. Come in, please.'

Acting Sheriff Barnes, here.

Howdy, sheriff. This is
U.S. Marshal Ken Collins.

I'm gonna be comin'
through Hazzard

about : p.m. with a prisoner.

Like to use your jail facilities
if possible for the night.

Be our pleasure, marshal.

We'll have everythin'
waitin' for you.

Over and out.

Rafe Logan arrivin' here
in Hazzard, at o'clock.

It's almost : now.

- I gotta go out for a while.
- You do?

Mr. Hogg, you've gotta
promise me somethin'.

Oh, honey, I'll
promise you anything.

Now, you gotta
give me your word.

This is gonna be a secret.

I give you my word.

And my word ain't
worth diddly-doo.

Gotta be here.
There is that car.

Oh, hey there.

We were just coming
looking for you.

The Dukes decided to lay on
a little Hazzard shuck and jive.

To stir things up.

We lost six of our
good laying hens.

Couldn't you come out,
and maybe take a look?

Look, I have an emergency call.
You have to come back tomorrow.

But just maybe.. It'd only
take you a few minutes

to get out there
and we could go..

Looks like our little
bird's on the wing.

- Let's make tracks.
- Alright.

Now, Bo and Luke had their
own shuck and jive going.

'Cause the phony deputy
would spot General Lee

the boys was followin'
her in Cooter's truck.

- What are we gonna do now?
- I don't know..

There's Rosco now.

Rosco we've gotta talk to you.

Jesse, the last
thing in the world

I wanna see right
now, is a face of a Duke.

Cletus, get that
chicken off of me.

Wait a minute, Rosco.
It's real important.

- Well, Rosco..
- Hush.

- Rosco!
- Well, Cletus.

Daisy, I'm sorry about
that $ the boys owe.

Don't you start with that
cash and clink with me, Cletus

or I'll clunk you.

- Ah, here.
- But listen, Cletus we got..

Uncle Jesse!

It's like tryin'
to talk to a rock!

Nobody'll listen to nobody.

Well, sure we ain't
on a wild goose chase.

I was kinda hopin' she was
gonna lead us to somebody.

'Cuz, you're bettin' today.

- Pull over near the bushes.
- Alright.

- How you doing, sugar?
- Okay.

We got lucky.
Can you believe it.

He made me acting sheriff.

Could be a whole new career.

On you, looks good.

- We all set?
- 'Yeah.'

'Marshal will be riding
with Rafe at o'clock.'

Good, we'll be
there to greet him.

Yeah, only one problem.

There is this butter
ball named Boss Hogg

who's trying to turn
this all into a circus.

Can you imagine, he wants
to charge admission to the jail.

And sell t-shirts, "Rafe
Logan slept here".

Don't you worry about fatty.

He gives any problem, he's gone.

Get 'em up or your dead.

What are you two doin' here?

Ah, bird watching.

You know these jokers?

Yeah, they live in
Hazzard. Their names' Duke.

Just wanted to know
for the tombstone.

Alright, just hold on a second,
friend, now. Can't we talk?

Not after what you just heard.

- I didn't hear nothin'.
- I got me an idea.

We only need 'em out of our
way, until we are long gone.

So, how about we use
the tools of my trade?

Cuff 'em, just one hand apiece.

In deep, ain't you?

Shut up! Or I'll
finish you right here.

Hook 'em up to the side mirrors.

Alright!

Don't pull it so hard,
you know. I'm coming.

- Luke..
- Uh, listen to me.

You know, really...

- Don't try anything.
- Uh..

Talk-talk this over?
Have fun, fellas.

I have the impression
he doesn't wanna talk!

Let's slow this thing down.

Think of something. You're
the smart one. Do something.

Turn around, run forward.

How long do you reckon
they can thread water

with that car hanging on?

The dang thing's
gettin' faster, Luke.

I know.

Jump up. Jump up.

- Dang it!
- Come on.

I'm going to church this Sunday.

Early.

Amen.

How about that
little sweetheart?

Looks like she's
in the big time.

Tryin' to break out Rafe Logan.

And there ain't no good
can come from it either.

We gotta get back to town.

Never tried hotwiring a
car with one hand before.

- Together we got two.
- Right, come on, down there.

Ooh! Don't that feel good?

Oh, Cletus! Watch
what you're doin'!

Alright, here, put
this up, will you.

Rafe Logan, arrivin' any minute.

- We got us a cash flow.
- Oh, we got it!

What you got here?

Those are the little
pieces of steel bar

that he spend of
his time behind.

Oh, just like I asked
you to provide.

And these are little
baby walkie-talkies.

They're make of licorice.

- Oh, you got your ears on?
- Give me that.

Say "over and out"
before you eat it.

'No I'm savin' 'em
for the customers.'

- Crowds beginning to gather.
- Oh, beginning to gather.

Come on in. Don't be bashful.

Step right up here, everybody.

Here, get your tickets now.

It's five bucks a head
to meet and greet

public enemy number two,
and get your pictures, too.

We don't want any of that.
We're here to talk to you.

Linda Mae Barnes, ain't
a police officer, Boss.

That's right Boss,
Bo and Luke called...

Wait a minute, I've got no time

for no cock and bull
story about Linda Mae.

If you ain't paying customers,
then you just get out.

Pull on that thing, right there.

Hold that wire.

- Got it.
- Hold that wire, hold it..

Not much of a town.

What you see is what you get.

'Oh, looky there.
There's Rafe Logan now.'

'What's going on here?'

This could louse up
everything. It's almost o'clock.

You shut up or
you are dog food!'

- 'Get these people out.'
- 'There's a cell downstairs.'

Good. Let's get 'em down there

then we gotta clean
this place up fast.

- Okay move it.
- Come on, move it!

Bo! Luke! Help! We got
caught. They're taking us to jail..

You get on over there!

Daisy? Daisy, come
back. This here's Luke.

'Daisy, this here's
Luke. Come back.'

'Daisy, this here's
Luke. Come back.'

'Got your ears on?'

Sound like big trouble.
We gotta get out of here.

Alrighty, now start.
Try it now. Try it now.

We're in business!
Let's go to town.

- Hold it!
- We must stop..

You, with the funny
hat, over there.

- What's funny?
- Watch where you're..

- Keep moving.
- I'll see you later, pal!

You can't make us
do this kinda... stuff.

- Now, take off your uniform.
- You can't make me.. Oh!

'Come on, move it. Get it off!'

Logan, you wanna
try somethin' foolish

just tickle me to death.

Now, get out.

Now, you just move
right over there.

Move it.

Marshal Collins.

Oh, Sheriff Barnes. Well, howdy?

Well, I think I'm gonna
enjoy my little stopover here.

What kind of dump is this?

Will you shut up, Logan?

Now, you wanted to
stop, so we are stopping!

Sheriff Barnes would you
mind watching this prisoner

for a few minutes?

- I'd like to wash up.
- Through that door over there.

Alright, thank you.

Unh!

Nice work. Get me outta
this. Key's there on the belt.

Boy, you're in trouble now.

You lose that g*n, and
you're gonna be in trouble.

That costs about four months'
pay, and listen, another thing.

You sweatin' that hat, just..

Get out!

Anybody makes a
sound, it'll be your last.

Listen, bring it back, will you,
when you get through? I mean..

Cletus, you have the
keys. Let us outta here!

- I don't have any keys.
- 'Come on, Cletus.'

- I don't have any clothes.
- Come on, Cletus.

'There's the marshal's car.'

We still got these
dang handcuffs on.

Come on, let's go over
to Cooter's. I got an idea.

See if you can
see any bolt cutters.

- Ha ha!
- There you go you.

Come on, let's go. It ain't
gonna hold them forever.

Little brother! We did it! I
didn't think you had it in you.

Nice work. That's nice work.

I want to give y'all
something extra this month.

Come on, let's get out.

- Right there. Ahh!
- There you go. Let's get out.

Along about now, Miss Lulu
had decided to make up with Boss

'cause she had missed him.

That should tell you somethin'
about what her life's like.

- Got it?
- Got it.

- Ahh!
- Bingo!

Now, let's get outta
here. Come on.

- Mrs. Hogg.
- 'Who's that?'

'The local big sh*t's wife.'

Good, we'll take her along
with us for a little insurance.

- You almost spilled my goodies.
- They got Lulu.

Well, what're you doin'?

I wanna see my chicken
biddy. I decided to forgive him.

- Just get in, lady.
- Oh, Lulu!

What're you doin'? What?
Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh my!

They got my little praline.

Oh, chicken biddy! Oh, my!

We're gonna need the
General to catch 'em.

I am Mrs. J.D. Hogg.

You'll never get away with this.

- Shut up, lady!
- You shut up!

Help!

'Help! Oh, my!'

- Bingo! Here they are.
- Alright.

- Don't 'em go, cousin.
- You got it.

They got my Lulu.
They got my Lulu.

Listen, my Boss, don't worry.

If anybody can, them
Duke boys can do it.

Yeah, well, I hope so.

Because if anything happened
to her, I just couldn't go on.

Oh, I know.

Let me tell you I've
badmouthed her sometimes..

But she sure has
a heart of gold..

Yeah.

Underneath all that blubber.

Boss... you didn't
say "over and out".

Hey, someone's following
us. An orange car.

Oh! That's those Duke boys.

Oh, we should have
really wasted 'em.

What are we waiting for?

You know, Lulu can't be
helpin' his aim no whole lot.

No!

- Will you shut up?
- Aah-h!

Now I know how it
feels like to be a duck.

Long as they keep missing.

I can't see through
this windshield.

Might as well get this
thing out of the way.

We're in the clear
now. Let's drop her.

I'm gettin' you outta here.

- You're getting off here, lady.
- Now, you let go off me.

What're you doin'?

Tugboat! Here, you take this!

Good riddance!

- Alright, hit it!
- Come on. Let's go.

They dropped off Lulu.

We'll be back to
get you, Ms. Lulu.

Gotta cut them off before
they get to county line.

Come on, step on it.

- The road behind's clear.
- We shook 'em down.

- Nice work, honey!
- Whoo!

- Here comes the creek!
- Hang on.

Yee-haw!

Luke, I think
they're out of b*ll*ts.

Dang, you never could count!

- Alright, get out of there.
- Come on.

And that's how
them flyin' Duke boys

captured public enemy number .

And Cletus got his pants back.

Don't you thr*aten me.

- Oh, you're too pretty...
- Settle the bill..

Watch her 'cause
she's probably got a..

Rosco got his job back.

And Boss got his Lulu back.

He's just hopin' she don't try
sneaking back into his bedroom.

And with the reward
money from the government

the Dukes got
their tractor fixed.

So things in Hazzard
was back to normal

which most folks will have
to look pretty hard to spot.