04x25 - Share and Share Alike

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Dukes of Hazzard". Aired: January 26, 1979 – February 8, 1985.*
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Cousins Bo and Luke certainly have a way of finding trouble with the law everywhere they turn.
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04x25 - Share and Share Alike

Post by bunniefuu »

Yee-haw!

It was one of them normal
laid-back days in Hazzard.

Bo and Luke were layin' low
from a Boss Hogg bum rap.

And had gone fishin'.

Which is a great
way to hide out.

Lulu Hogg was causin' more
trouble than a newborn baby.

As president of Hazzard's
Equal Rights Society

which meant that all women
were to become more equal

than all men.

And Cletus was tearin' up tires

tryin' to get rid of
his last speedin' ticket

so he wouldn't have to pay it.

One of Boss's new rules.

Just a normal day in Hazzard.

'Course, Cletus had
no way of knowin'

the car that he was chasin',
was no ordinary speeder.

We got company.

'Oh, dang it!'

We get away clean with
this bag full of credit cards

worth a million
bucks on the streets.

And we get a yokel cop on
our tail for a speedin' ticket.

We get caught with that
bag, we get a ten-year rap.

Come on, punch it.

One of the nice things
about livin' in Hazzard is that

you can get off to Sunset
Lake for a little peace and quiet.

That is, peace and
quiet, Hazzard style.

Hey, hold on a second.
Do you hear that?

That's Cletus, Rosco's
a little higher pitched.

That's right.

Wait a minute, he's
can't be after us.

We're not speedin', the
General Lee's parked there.

You forget the fishin' permits?

No, I didn't, got
'em in my pocket.

Alright.

He's sticking to us
like a fly to a glue pot.

'We gotta do
something with this bag.'

See that log up there?

- Yeah.
- Throw it behind it.

- Are you sure?
- We'll come back for it later.

Okay.

Get alongside.

What was that?

What could be in that
bag that thems guys

are so all fired
to get rid of it?

- Only one way to find out.
- Let's take a look.

Let's leave these things here.

Let's see what the
heck we got here.

There's gotta be a
credit cards in there.

Luke, there ain't no names
printed on these things either.

Means they gotta be stolen.

They could be used to charge
Lord knows how much money.

We better call Uncle
Jesse. Let's get out of here.

Now the boys knew
the contraband had to be

turned over to the law.

But the law in Hazzard ain't
like the law everywhere else.

The way I see it,
you got no choice

but to turn that
bag over to Rosco.

But they ain't got
no names on 'em.

It'd be like givin' a
thief license to steal.

Well, don't you
think I know that?

But the law is a law, and
Rosco's about the only law

we got around here.

'Course now, you could keep
him on the straight and narrow

if you was to turn that bag
over to him in front of witnesses.

- And I don't mean J.D.
- That's right, Shepherd.

That's a big - .
Thank you kindly.

I tell you, he's smart
enough to be twins.

You got that right.

What about them fishin' poles?

Well, them guys are
bound to be headin' back.

We best leave 'em here for now.
We'll come back later. Let's go.

- Won't you need a copy of this?
- Uh... yes, I do.

- Oh, here.
- Oh.

You want this one, too?

Without that
incriminatin' evidence

Dickens and Clark let
Cletus catch up to 'em.

And old Cletus saved
himself bucks.

And the bad dudes
went back to that bag

of stolen credit cards.

And we know what
happened here, don't we?

But where is it?

I'm tellin' ya, it landed
right in here, some place.

Well, it ain't here now.

We are talkin' about
one million dollars.

Just knock it off! Keep lookin'.

Gotta be here some place.

Look, that bag didn't
sprout legs and walk away.

- Maybe it drove off.
- 'What are you talkin' about?'

Remember seein' an
orange car over there?

Yeah, but there
wasn't anybody in it.

Not that we saw, but
maybe they saw us.

Maybe you're right.

I still don't cotton to givin'
Rosco them credit cards.

I feel pretty much the same
way, but like Uncle Jesse says

Rosco's the only law we got.

Let's get back to Hazzard
and we get rid of this stuff.

Ooh. I love it, I
love it. Hot pursuit!

Speak of the devil.

Rosco found us
before we found him.

If we let him catch us,
we'll have to turn over

this satchel without
any witnesses.

- Don't think he'll understand?
- I don't think so.

Well, let's not lead him
into the evils of temptation.

Hang on, cuz.

Alright, you Duke boys.

'This is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane'

'ordering you to pull over.'

There's nothing we'd like
better than to pull over and talk.

But if it's all the
same with you

we'd like to do it back
in Hazzard, alright?

Alright, Dukes, I'll
show you this time.'

Listen, you want me to add
to all the rest of your crimes?

Like, uh, tryin' to
escape prosecution

uh, resisting arrest,
and-and endangering the life

of a police officer and his dog.

That oughta break your
probation into itsy-bitsy little pieces.

Pull it over. Let's
get this over with.

I knew it. I knew it.

Alright, I'm adding evasive
action to that charge!

Hang on, Flash. Ooh!

Oh, alright! Alright, you Dukes.

- Listen...
- Freeze!

There's a reason we
wanted to talk to ya.

- Couldn't stop?
- Gonna throw the book at you.

- We wanted to talk to you..
- They were pushers.

I'm serious this time.

We weren't kidding
about wantin' to talk to ya.

- Would you listen to us?
- Hush! What've you got there?

We were bringing
it into Hazzard.

- We're trying to tell you..
- Oh, I ain't buying that.

- What have you got in there?
- Take-take a look!

Ooh!

Wait!

Freeze!

Freeze it. Oh!

Oh.

Okay, Flash, let's go.

Flash. Flash?

Fla-Flash!

Flash?

If you're gonna be a police lady

you gotta learn
to control yourself.

You just... will you hurry?

Oh, boy, we really
messed up this time.

Rosco's not only got
them stolen credit cards

but sh**t, without a
witness, people will think

we're the crooks that stole 'em.

Anything else you wanna
tell me I don't already know?

With all this cookin'

there was enough sweat
buildin' to start a flood.

Now Bo and Luke were
sweatin' about their situation

the bad guys were
sweatin' over their lost booty

and old Boss Hogg was
really workin' up a sweat.

Ah. Yeah. Alright.

J.D, we have got to
have ourselves a talk.

Alright, talk, talk. I've never
been able to stop you before.

- Alright, you just hear me out.
- I will.

- As president of HERS.
- HERS? What?

Hazzard Equal Rights Society.

It is only befittin' that
I set the first example

of puttin' down male chauvinism
by assumin' my rightful

legal role in life.

Lulu, Lulu Hogg, what
are you talking about?

I mean, what's got into
my prize little heifer?

Well, to put it plain
and simple, J.D.

from here on out, and
from this day forward

accordin' to community property

I am your full and
workin' partner

in all business enterprises.

My full and workin' partner..

Oh, well, oh, no, wait, ooh!

I can't talk, can't
talk about this.

I'm too starved, I
gotta go eat somethin'.

No, you don't!

That ain't your lunch, that's
mine, and that's another thing.

When you get hungry

you're gonna have
to fix your own vittles.

My own vittles? Uh-huh-uh-huh.

That's your job. A woman's
place is in the home.

No more it ain't, J.D.

From here on out,
it's in the office as well.

Share and share alike.

And that means equal billin'.

Share and share alike?
No, no, not on your life.

Your job's in the
kitchen, you see.

My job's out in the jungle,
fightin' and scratchin'.

'Yeah, and you're too
frail, even at your weight.'

'You know that. Whereas me,
I'm the one who's gotta be fighting'

and makin' money
out there in the world.

That's a man's place. Eh..

'Boss, uh, this is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane'

'You got your plump
little ears on? Come on.'

'Rosco, this is J.D.
Hogg answerin' your call.'

'Listen, hold
everything a minute'

because I gotta get myself
some lunch before I can talk to you.

Aah!

It's gon.. Oh, dang blast it!

Alright, Rosco, what is
it? What is it? Come back.

Oh, Boss, listen. If you'll
hurry your fat little bod

over to my office
in about minutes

I got good news, good news.

I got enough evidence on
those Duke boys to put 'em away

for more years than
the hairs you got

on your little chrome dome.

Uh, I mean, uh, that is,
before you lost your hai-hair.

'Well, I mean, well,
you have a lot of..'

Uh, I'm gone.

Rosco P. Coltrane,
Lulu Coltrane-Hogg.

Brother and sister.

Just like their mother. Bluh!

- Do you want somethin' to eat?
- Oh, no, thank you.

Daisy, you and I
have got to have a talk.

Yeah.

Daisy Duke, what
kinda work is that

for a pretty young
woman to be doin'?

About the only kind of
work Boss will hire me for.

It ain't that bad, Lulu.

He gives me %
of all the tips I earn.

That is sl*ve labor.

Now you put that dish
towel down right now

because Lulu Hogg
is gonna set you free.

Thanks, Lulu, but I
can't afford to be set free.

Well, you can work for me
as my personal secretary

and chauffeur at twice
what you're makin' now.

And if J.D. don't like it, he
can lump himself right down

and complain to HERS!

That is the Hazzard
Equal Rights Society.

Well, I've never felt
not equal before, Lulu.

If that's what HERS
can do, I'm all for her.

Well, then, let's get goin'.

We've got some
office furniture to buy.

Ya-hoo!

While things were
pickin' up for Daisy

they was just slidin'
downhill for ol' Bo and Luke.

Luke explained to
Jesse what happened

and Jesse was ready
to lean heavy on Rosco

and, neighbor, that
is a lot of heavy.

No more inclined to
take your word than ours.

Well, he better take it or
I'll shove it down his throat.

Maybe. But I think the
best thing is for us to lay low

until we can put our plan into
action and get out of this mess.

Alright. If you need any help or
anything, you know where I am.

Thanks a lot,
Shepherd. We're gone.

Oh, gosh!

Well, what's that plan, huh?

Plan?

The plan you just told
Uncle Jesse you had.

I ain't got no plan. You crazy?
I didn't want him to worry.

Fine. You didn't want him to
worry, so you got me worried

twice as much.

Don't see how we can get out
of this and you're making jokes.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We can find them guys or that
car they threw the cards out of.

What then? Ask 'em
to go down to Rosco

and tell him that they're their
stolen credit cards, not ours?

Maybe, if we said please.

Clever.

Boy, Boss, look at
all these credit cards.

I tell you, when that judge
catches those Duke boys

with all these cards

he's gonna throw 'em in the
slammer and throw away the keys.

- Rosco.
- What?

What you lack in
brain, you make up for..

In sheer stupidity.

Ooh, I appreciate it.

All we need is a little
handful of these cards

to send the Duke
boys to the slammer.

As for the rest..

Well, have you got any
idea how much they'd bring

if we sold 'em to a certain
party I know in Atlanta?

Let me guess. Um, uh..

- Millions! Millions, millions.
- Oh, millions.

Oo-hoo, millions!

Everybody uses these here
cards nowadays, you don't think?

And you can buy anything you
want, buy automobiles, clothes

furs, diamonds, you name it.

I'm gonna be..

Let's see. Uh, out
of all that money

how much you figure
I'm gonna make, Boss?

Well, you're gonna
get % of %

after we deduct % from
the original % for expenses.

Wait just a pea-pickin'
minute, Boss.

That only leaves me with . %

Oh, you add up pretty
good, but you did it wrong.

- I meant of the gross, not net.
- Oh, that makes a difference.

Oh, hello, Mabel.
Listen, this is J.D. Ho..

- Say hello from Rosco.
- Yeah.

Would you forget
that and give me this?

Mabel, I want you to get me
a certain number in Atlanta..

Huh?

Say please?

What do you
mean? I haven't got..

Equal rights?

Well, now, look here!

You..

Alright, alright, alright!
Alright, I'll say please.

'Look here, Mabel. Huh?'

Miss Tillingham?

Alright, alright.

MissTillingham

would you give me a
number in Atlanta, - ?

Huh?

Please.

Equal rights.

Spreadin' like chicken pox.

That was them. That was
them, the orange car. Come on!

Hey, Luke

'remember when Rosco
found us before we found him?'

Yeah.

Yeah, well, we don't
have to find them bad guys.

Look back here. They found us.

From the way they're
makin' a move on us

I think they think that
we got what we ain't got.

Kick the pedal, Bo.

I got my foot
through the floor now.

That's some engine
in that thing they got.

Take 'em.

General ain't gonna
take much more of this.

Do somethin'.

Why don't we do like
General Grant would do?

- What's that?
- Retreat.

- You sure this is a good idea?
- Yeah, don't worry about it.

I got a plan.

Great plan, Bo.

Hold it right there.

Maybe we should've gone fishin'.

Okay, nice and easy, boys.

Come on out of the car.

'Bring that satchel with you.'

Gentlemen, you're
barkin' up the wrong tree.

We ain't got no satchel.

You're just making it real
hard on yourselves, boys.

Search for yourself.

Give him the key, he
can look in the trunk, too.

- Alright.
- Go on. Check it.

Nice and easy now.

Here you go.

It ain't there.

Okay, you got seconds
to tell me where it is.

Won't take half that
long. Sheriff's got it.

'Confiscated the satchel
and all 'em credit cards.'

If you don't believe
us, you can call him.

Use the phone, it's
up by the bus stop.

You boys must think
we're a couple of fools.

Asked us to call
sheriff like that.

Now, hold on a minute. Hold on.

These boys might
not have a bad idea.

But if you're lyin'
to me, you're dead.

We ain't lyin'.

Agreed! That's the price.

D.I.A. Deliver in Atlanta.

Deliver in Atlanta.

Let me tell you, you just
bought yourself a real swell deal.

Look at this.

Rich, rich, rich! I'm
gonna be filthy rich.

I'll tell you the first
thing you're gonna do.

You're gonna buy yourself
some sound proofin'

for that wall over there.

Yeah, what is that?

Uh, Cletus! Cletus!

What in blazes is
goin' on in there?

That's Cousin Lulu, Cousin Boss.

She's movin' her furniture
into yours and her office.

Hers and mine what?

What!

Lulu, where do you want this?

I think right about
there, honey, don't you?

Right behind you. Oh,
that looks wonderful!

Pretty.

Wait a second. Where
you goin' with this stuff?

Give it to me. It's mine.

Lulu Hogg!

What in tarnation do you
think you're doing in here?

What does it look like?
We're following our motto.

What yours is HERS
and what's HERS is ours.

No, you ain't. You can't
do this. Wait a minute.

Rosco, would you give me a
hand settin' up this branch office?

Well, sure. Oh,
I think I broke it.

Uh, Lulu, where
do you want this?

Well, I think over here.

Listen, you put that back
on the truck it came off of.

You dim-witted dodo.

Go on, go on,
move with that thing.

Oh! What do you
mean by "branch office"?

What she means is
that we've already moved

into the main office
at the Boar's Nest.

Daisy Duke, what
are you doing here?

Now, don't you put your
two cents worth in here.

Besides, you oughta be over
at the Boar's Nest waitin' tables.

No more, Daisy's a HER.

Oh, well, I can see that.

I am Lulu's personal
secretary and chauffeur

at twice the money you
were payin' me, Boss.

Are you kiddin' me? What
a goody-goody for you!

Will you just hush
your mouths over there?

Lulu, my little pumpkin
pie, you're a woman.

And you're frail, and
runnin' something tough

like Hogg Enterprises,
that's man's work.

No, it ain't no more, you
male chauvinist Hogg.

We woman can do
anything you men can do

just as good or better.

- No, you can't.
- Yes, we can.

Oh!

There's a phone call
for you from Atlanta.

- Wanna take it in here?
- Atlanta?

He doesn't wanna
take it in here.

He wants to take it in there.
Away from these here women.

- So he can get some privacy.
- A little more privacy.

Cletus, will you take that out?

What am I gonna do with it?

- Ow!
- Oh-ho!

Leave it here..

Cletus, I'll give you one hour

to get this junk out
of here, you hear me?

Rosco and I got some
important business to attend to.

What do we do now, Lulu?

I'll tell you what we do now.

You just put that
Florentine hat rack

right back there where J.D's is.

- It looks good in that corner.
- Beautiful.

Take it easy there, Cletus.

Sheriff, this is Clark
with the Atlantis Dispatch.

I got a tip that you busted
a stolen credit card ring

and got all the evidence.

Oh, well, you could
say that's a half negatory

and a half pository. Part yes..

Hello, this is J.D. Hogg,
Hazzard County Commissioner.

What my sheriff
means here is that

we got ourselves two
suspects that we're looking for

namely, Bo and Luke Duke.

'As soon as we got
'em apprehended'

'then I think we may get our
hands on all that evidence.'

Bo and Luke Duke? Thanks,
Hogg. That's all I wanted to know.

'Boys are lyin'.
They still got..'

Dickens!

Dickens, get up!

'Dickens!'

Tell me, how did the
Atlanta newspaper get a word

about all these here
credit cards so quick?

- Well..
- Unless some blabbermouth..

Not this blabbermouth!
My lips have been as sealed

as tight as your money belt.

- Well, they know.
- Well, it's not me.

And if they know, then the
Atlanta State Police know, too.

Well, that's a possibility.

Alright, then we got to
be doubly-doubly careful

while getting these credit
cards all the way to Atlanta.

Oh, listen, Boss, I
was just thinking..

They might set up a roadblock
and examine every vehicle

going through there.

Yeah. They might do that.

But... what if they
was being transported

in a Hazzard County police car?

Ooh, I love it, I love it!
Hazzard County police..

Are you kiddin' me?

You're not gonna use no
Hazzard County police car.

Not my vehicle,
absolutely not. No way, no.

Would you rather notuse your
car... or make some money?

I thought so.

Alright, come on, let's go.

We can't use this here
satchel, it's too obvious.

Get me a paper bag to put
these here credit cards in

and we're in business.

- Ooh, paper bag!
- Yeah, come on.

Let's get.. Get away!

What're you doin'?

I saw somethin'.

Them guys back there still
think we got them credit cards.

They won't stop looking
for us till they find 'em.

Luke, that ain't exactly news.

No, but they know our names now.

All they got to do is look up
our address in the phonebook.

We better warn
Uncle Jesse and Daisy.

Uh, Lost Sheep to Shepherd,
Lost Sheep to Shepherd

'You got ears on?'

'Uncle Jesse, Daisy, come back.'

Lost Sheep to Shepherd,
are you out there? Come back.

Must be out working the
back forty or somethin'.

We'll have to try
again in a few minutes.

Well, when a Duke is
right, he's really right.

'Cause that's exactly what
them heavies was doin'.

- Mornin', Boss.
- Hello, Murkin, how's business?

Business is great, Boss.

Oh, it is. Alright, alright,
I'm glad to hear that.

Say, listen, as a reward there,
why don't you go get yourself

a nice hot cup of coffee?

I already got me a cup, Boss.

Let me see that.

Uh! Ice cold. Yuck!

Here, go get yourself
a real hot cup of jello.

Yes, sir.

Take all the time you
want, take minutes.

- Take more.
- Thirty minutes.

Listen, Boss, you know
what I can't understand?

Why did we have to drive all
the way here to your used car lot?

- Why?
- Yeah.

Well, for the simple reason
that we couldn't very well use

Cooter's garage to take
off the inside door panel

of your patrol car to hide them
credit cards in, now could we?

Ooh, to hide 'em, brilliant
idea! Where'd you get that idea?

Oh, I'd seen some
men do it once.

- In a moving-picture show.
- Were they crooks?

Uh, yeah, maybe they were.

Oh, come on, unscrew that thing,
will you? Come on, hurry it up.

The sooner we're done, the
sooner I get me some lunch.

Oh, I could use a little myself.

Try 'em again.

Lost Sheep to Shepherd,
Lost Sheep to Shepherd.

You got ears on? Come back.

That's all of 'em, I think.

There, come on, that
does it. Let's go, I'm starved.

Oh, listen, Boss, may
I ask you a question?

What?

You sure of this? Is it safe
leaving my patrol car here

with those credit
cards in the door?

- It's your patrol car, right?
- Right.

- It's my used car lot, right?
- Right.

What could be safer than that?

- Well..
- Come on, let's go.

Boss, I'm back. Got
me a nice hot cup, too.

Well, don't spill it on
me, will you? Just move it.

Listen, it took you
minutes to get here.

I'm taking that out
of your commission.

Come on, let's go, Rosco, I
wanna get me some lunch.

Ooh, that's a good
idea. Can I join ya?

Oh, I'd like that. I'd be
very happy to be your guest.

Oh, that's good..
Did you say, guest?

Well, it had to happen.

He didn't even flinch.
Duke chickens are tough.

You oughta try to eat one.

Look, old man... them boys
got a bag that belongs to us.

And we want it.

'So, I'm not gonna
waste the next one.'

Well, you would be
wasting the next one

'cause them boys
ain't got the bag.

Sheriff Coltrane's got it.

And we already heard
that song, old man.

And we're runnin'
out of patience fast.

Now you tell me where them
boys of yours got that bag

or we gonna tear
this place apart.

Startin' with you.

Lost Sheep to Shepherd,
Lost Sheep to Shepherd.

- 'You out there? Come back.'
- Stay right here, old man.

Uncle Jesse, Daisy, do
you hear me? Come back.

'Uncle Jesse, Daisy, you
out there? Come back.'

Your uncle's right here, boys.

Safe and sound
for the time bein'.

Now, as soon as that old man
tells us what we wanna know

we'll be on our
way. But if he don't

I can't say how safe and sound
he's gonna be... or for how long.

The sheriff told you he
ain't got them credit cards

but you gotta
believe me, listen.

He's saying that because
Boss Hogg and he figure

on selling them himself.

The boy is right. That Coltrane
and Hogg are so crooked

that when the time comes
the undertaker's gonna

have to screw 'em in the ground.

Give me that thing.

Now you listen to me
and you listen real good.

'I don't care. All I
want is the bag.'

Maybe what you say
is true, maybe not.

'I'll tell you what we'll do.'

We'll give you one
hour to bring it back here.

Or the next time you see
your uncle, bring some flowers.

Now, Uncle Jesse's
life's on the line.

Yeah, well, you heard the
man. Come on, let's roll.

By stealin' 'em credit cards
and giving them to these guys

we're breaking the law
no less than they are.

I don't see a choice, do you?

No, but once we
get Uncle Jesse back

we'll have to nail
'em boys good.

I got no quarrel with
that. Come on, let's go.

- Boss, did ya notice something?
- What?

Lulu's moved into your bank.

- What? My bank?
- Look.

'How do you mean?'

- 'Well... '
- 'Oh, you're right!'

My bank's is my bank, and
look at that, she's stolen it.

- Well..
- Oh, no!

Oh, no! No, no, no!
Look at my funeral home.

She's overtaken
my undertakin' too.

It's that dang Hazzard
Equal Rights Society

she callsHERS!

Well, they seem to be
wheelin' and dealin', don't they?

I wonder if there's any
room for a his and hers.

You do?

I wonder how a jackass like
you became sheriff around here.

Alright, come on,
take me to lunch.

Before that sister of yours
takes over half my appetite too.

Come on!

I sure hope Boss
don't fire me for this.

Oh, fear not, Mr. Murkin.

You always got half
a job workin' for me.

Now what else we
got to cover, Daisy?

Well, let's see now.

We have the Hogg Real
Estate Development.

The all-night
drive-through grocery.

Hogg's Yummy Bakery.

And we have Road Hoggs
Supply Trucking Company.

Oh, well, we best get to it.

The time has come for the
womenfolk to take their rightful

place alongside the menfolk.

Long about now, Sheriff
Little of Chickasaw

the meanest sheriff in the south

was headed for Hazzard.

Abigail, now you finish
that up and meet us over

at Road Hogg Truckin', you hear?

We got a lot of work to do.

What brings you
all the way over here

from Chickasaw County, sheriff?

I'm shoppin' around
all the used car lots.

I'm looking for a good used car.

- A good used car?
- Mm, a good used car.

I just put on a new man
and I need a new patrol car.

Well, we got on right
here. Raring to go.

And we'll make
you one sweet deal.

Miss Hogg!

Hush now, Mr. Murkin,
we'll take care of this.

- But-but...
- Butt out, honey.

This is a Hogg lot now.

Sheriff, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna give you a
fine price on this here car.

And in addition, I'm gonna
throw in four spankin' new tires.

Ohh. Color's wrong.

Chickasaw cars
is green and white.

We'll paint it green and
white in no time at all.

Hmm. Well..

Man's got to be crazy
doin' business with a Hogg

touted by a Duke.

But if the price is right..

Lulu and Daisy
not only sold the car

they agreed to repaint
and deliver it that afternoon.

I reckon y'all remember what's
hidden in the door, don't you?

- There you are, my dear.
- Oh, my!

When are you gonna deliver it?

Uh!

I tell you

Uncle Jesse would kick our
tail if he found out we're stealin'.

- Even if we're helpin' him out.
- Get the door.

You don't worry about
feelin' bad about this.

'Cause there ain't
nothin' to steal.

Credit cards are gone.

Boss and Rosco must've been
anxious to get into business.

And dug six feet Uncle
Jesse's grave in the meantime.

We got half-an-hour to find them

and find out what they
did with them cards.

What happens if
we don't find them?

I'll take the empty sacks and
get Cooter to give me a ride.

If they see it, it might
buy us some time.

Take the General and scout up
Boss and Rosco and the cards.

Let's get out of here.

Bo wasn't about to be the
only one who was gonna have

a hard time findin'
them stolen credit cards.

'Cause Boss and Rosco
not only lost them cards

but Rosco's patrol car to boot.

My Lulu did what?

She had Rosco's car
painted green and white.

And they're drivin' it over
to Sheriff Little's office

in Chickasaw right now.

I tried to tell her you left it
here when you went to lunch.

But she wouldn't listen.

Lulu Hogg, this is your
husband calling you, you hear?

Go Ahead, J.D., I'm right here.

I don't care wherehereis,
you just change it tothere

and you get that patrol
car of mine back here.

I mean to my used car lot and I
mean on the double, you hear?

J.D., this car has been
sold and we're delivering it

to Sheriff Little as ordered.

- She did get a good price.
- Oh.

I don't care what you
got for it, you numbskull.

Oh, oh, Boss, listen,
I was just thinkin'

if Sheriff Little looks inside
that panel and finds that..

You-know-what's in there..

My patrol car, my
personalized patrol car..

- He's gonna..
- Zip! Zip! Button your lip.

Lulu, Lulu, honey.
Listen, little buttercup.

Whatever you got for that
there car, let me just tell you

it's gotta be worth at least a
hundred times more than that.

That maybe so, but a
deal is a deal, honey.

Lulu, I'm through
foolin' around with you.

You get that car back here on
the double and that's an order!

J.D., I'm a free woman and I
don't take orders from no one.

Now, this - and we are gone.

Boss sure sounded
all het up, Lulu.

Oh, it's just typical
male chauvinism, Daisy.

Men can't stand to see a
woman get ahead, is all.

- Yeah.
- Have a bon-bon, honey.

Oh, thanks, Lulu.

What're you sittin'
there for, knucklehead?

- You mean me?
- Yeah, I mean you.

Come on! Come on! Come
on! Get to the county courthouse

so I can get another
patrol car and go after her.

Why can't we use this car?

This car? But it
ain't built for speed.

No, it's built for beauty.
Don't you know that?

I don't want nothin' to
happen to it. Move it! Move it!

Things are really
startin' to cook.

As Boss and Rosco are preparin'
to chase after Lulu and Daisy

Bo spotted Rosco and Boss
after lookin' all over for 'em.

And as soon as they drove off

Murkin thinkin' everyone
had gone coo-crazy

told Bo all that he knew.

That was enough for old Bo
to start puttin' pieces together.

Time's almost up, old man.

Sure hope them boys of
yours didn't take a powder.

You don't know Bo and Luke.

They know what they gotta do.

They'll do it.

One way or another.

You wait and see.

I hope so.

For your sake, as well as ours.

You really think you're
something big with that g*n?

Meanwhile, Luke and
Cooter was movin' along.

Right through the
Hazzard carwash

and on down the road.

I knew we could
count on you Cooter.

Heh heh. Hey, I wouldn't
miss it for the world.

Ten minutes left.

Yeah, we're five minutes
away. We'll make it.

When you're travelin' through
Hazzard, you never know

who or what you're
gonna meet on the way.

No wonder Hazzard
folks can drive so good.

They do get some practice.

Hey, buddy, you lost your load!

Got you loud and clear, Bo.

Lulu and Daisy just sold
Rosco's patrol car to Sheriff Little.

They're in it now, drivin'
over to Chickasaw County.

What's that got to do
with them credit cards?

Boss and Rosco are hot after
it, which means only one thing.

Them credit cards
must be in it someplace.

You're gonna have
to get to 'em first.

'I'm going to the farm.'

'I'm gonna try and bluff them
fellas with the empty satchel.'

- 'We're gone.'
- So are we.

When them heavies
heard Jesse's CB

and knew where
their credit cards were

they took off after
Daisy and Lulu.

Which is exactly what Boss
and Rosco was a-fixin' to do.

Now I think they're fixin' to
have a typical Hazzard reunion.

- Hi, Rosco.
- Hi, Cletus.

Cletus, I'm condamandering..
I'm condadeering.. I'm..

- I'm takin' your vehicle.
- What's wrong with yours?

Lulu sold mine. It's now a
patrol car in Chickasaw County.

Chickasaw... what?

'Cletus, will you stop tryin'
to figure out everything?'

You lugnut! Just go get
yourself another patrol car

and roll, roll, roll!

Ro, ro, ro.

You're not gonna
sell mine, are you?

Uncle Jesse, you alright?

Get this down. There you go.

They heard you and
Bo talkin' on the CB

They took off after
Lulu and Daisy

faster than a hot Kn*fe
through soft butter.

Better give 'em a call on the
radio. Tell 'em they've company.

And they're gonna
need a lot of help.

Those men are mean. Real mean.

We ain't doin' no good here.
Come on with me in the pickup.

- Alright.
- Right behind you.

Yeah, this is Bo. Listen,
y'all get to the farm?

How's Uncle Jesse?

He's fine, sittin'
right next to me.

Them fellas took off before
me and Cooter got there.

Now, they know
about Daisy and Lulu.

- Ain't heard of anybody yet?
- No, nothin' so far.

Just me and the birds.

You better switch over
to the police channel.

We gotta tell Daisy
to expect company.

You got it. - .

'Bo Peep, this here
is the Lost Sheep.'

'Got your ears on?'

. 'This is Bo Peep.
Come on, Lost Sheep.'

Just thought I oughta tell
you that police car you drivin'

is hotter than a p*stol and
loaded with stolen credit cards.

- What?
- With what?

What are you talkin' about?

Stolen credit cards, Lulu.

I got a strong feelin'
the guys that stole it

is gonna be hot on
your tail any minute.

- Oh-oh-oh, you hear that?
- What?

Not only do the Dukes
know where them cards are

but so do the crooks
they got 'em from.

You know somethin'?
That just galls my gizzard.

You can't keep a secret
around these parts at all.

And he can say that again.

'Cause Sheriff Little is also a
part of the listenin' audience.

And he just loved
audience participation.

So, I suggest that
everybody watch real close.

'Cause things could
get a mite confusin'.

'Cause here comes that Hazzard
reunion we were talkin' about.

Luke, the fellas
you're talkin' about

are drivin' a black sedan.

Honey, they're on my
back porch right now.

'What's your twenty?'

'Cottonwood Road,
headin' south.'

Listen, I'm just about reachin'

the Cottonwood Sand
Ridge Road intersection.

Cottonwood Road, headin' south!

- Come on, come on!
- Don't fret little fat buddy.

I'm gonna catch 'em
this time or my name ain't

Rosco P. Coltrane.

- You know what?
- What?

If you don't catch
'em, your name is mud!

Deputy Cletus Hogg callin'
Sheriff Coltrane. Come back.

Cletus, you dipstick,
this is Rosco.

Where in the heck have you been?

I've been around. But right
now I'm alongside of you

and below you on
Flatbottom Road.

- Oh! Look out! Look out!
- Oh-ho! Oh! Oh!

Woo-hoo!

Well, at least
they're savin' gas.

- Ohh-ho-ho!
- Oh, no!

You donkey-headed, dim-witted
dunce, look what you done!

Thank goodness you didn't
chase 'em in my beautiful car.

Listen, if you think
you can drive any better

here, you do it!

No, no, no!

Don't give me this, we're
gonna go out of control!

How much control
do you think we got?

We're ten feet off the ground.

Cletus, this is your
superior officer speaking.

'You'll have to steer from
down there while we're up here.'

Ain't no way, sheriff.

My hood's up, I
can't see anything.

You call the
signals and I'll steer.

That's a big - , Cletus.

Right.

Here, go.

'To the right!'

Alright, y'all, get out of
the car. Come on, get out!

'Come on! Move it!'

Listen, young man. You
may think you own the road

but we have just as
much right to it as you do.

Lulu, there's no such
thing as equal rights

when they got a g*n on you.

- I'm gonna go search the car.
- Not now.

There are too many
people lookin' for this car.

Let's go some place
where we got some time.

- Okay.
- You, get in the back.

Come on.

You get in the front.

- Get in.
- You be careful with her.

'Bo, this is Jesse here.'

Any sign of Daisy, yet?

Uncle Jesse..

Hey, y'all, wait a minute.
There's Rosco right now.

Hey, you in the orange
car. Listen to me.

'I got the car, the
cards and two ladies'

'so if you don't wanna see
nobody get hurt, go home.'

Let's not take chances, Bo.

'Do what he says, I'll
meet you on Route .'

- You got it.
- Switch over to channel .

Thirty.. Oh.

There you go. You there?

Yeah, hangin'
right with you, cuz.

Pretend like you're gonna
drop out. You know, hang back?

I'm cuttin' across Dry Creek
to cut 'em off at Hidden Pines.

- , good buddy. I'm gone.

Dang blast it! Them thieving
crooks have got a hold

of my most prized possession.

I know it. Poor Lulu.

No, I was talkin' about
them credit cards.

I don't want nothin' to happen
to Lulu, not Daisy, neither.

- Oh-oh!
- What?

That's Jesse's
truck right there.

- They're gonna b*at us!
- They ain't gonna b*at us.

Not if that don't flog us to
death first! Watch out for that!

Look at that. They
must've doubled back.

Well, those sneaky
little women critters.

'We got 'em this time.'

Ooh-ee-oooh!

Lulu! I got you, Lulu!

- Alright.
- Lulu, we got you!

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh!

- Oh, he he he.
- You're not Lulu.

Well, looks like we
made a little mistake.

Wrong, you boys
made a big mistake.

But you..

Dickens, them boys don't listen.

We got that orange car
and a truck on our tail now.

I'll take care of 'em.

- Sit still.
- I don't..

Ah! Ahh!

Hold on, Daisy, I got him
all trussed up back here.

Good job, Lulu!

Now that's pretty
slick. Even for Hazzard.

The stolen credit cards
was returned to the bank.

Cash or credit cards,
you get what you pay for.

And Bo and Luke
was cleared and free

while Clark and Dickens will
be payin' for the next ten years.

Boss was payin'
through the nose, too.

Not only wouldn't
Sheriff Little let Boss

off the hook for Rosco's
patrol car that Lulu sold him

but Boss also had to
pay for all the repairs

on Little's own car.

And this was the
least of his problems.

Listen, everybody.
Could you quiet down?

I have somethin' I wanna say.

I'm throwin' this here
party for two reasons.

And the first reason is
that I wanna thank Daisy

and all the Dukes
for savin' my life.

Good, good.

Oh, mercy, I tell you.

And the other thing is that
I will no longer be runnin'

my half of J.D.'s
business enterprises.

- Oh, well, that's a relief!
- That's good.

The reason she can't
work with Boss is 'cause

Lulu Hogg is formally
announcing that come next election

she's runnin' as the
first candidate of HERS

for County
Commissioner of Hazzard!

Now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute! No, No!

Like I said before, your
typical laid-back Hazzard day.
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