01x34 - Trial by Separation

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Three Sons". Aired: September 29, 1960 - April 13, 1972.*
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Widower Steve Douglas raises a trio of boys.
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01x34 - Trial by Separation

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, Jean!

Jean!

What is it, Mike?

Hey, when do you go into orbit?

Very funny.

Did you want to
dance with Ted Stover?

This is about the tenth time
you've asked me that, Michael.

Yes, I'd love to
dance with Ted Stover.

Why?

Ted Stover can do the cha-cha.

Oh. Suave.

Very suave.

Dance is all set, Ted?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Have about the tenth
dance, you got that taken?

Well, um, how about number 11?

Good.

Yeah, I'll put you down.

Yeah. Okay.

That's all right.

Bye-bye.

Oh, don't tell me I can
use the phone now?

Dance with Ted's all set.

Little me?

It-It's too much.

Why don't you get out of here?

Out of my own room?

Has your dad said anything
about your graduation present yet?

That's a whole week off yet.

I know, but he doesn't have
to wait till the last minute.

I'm getting mine tonight.

How do you know?

Mother and Dad
have been wearing that

"aren't we the greatest parents
in the world" look all day...

You know, the funny
way they smile at you,

when they're thinking
what a lucky girl you are.

Everybody graduates
sooner or later.

What do you think it is?

I don't know.

I've been hinting for a watch.

Would anybody like to know

that I'm graduating
this week, too?

Maybe I ought to get
a little special attention.

Are you still here?

♪ ♪

I just love Latin-American
music, don't you?

Yeah.

It's so... so primitive.

Very suave.

Boys are so catty.

That was just wonderful, Ted.

Thank you.

Isn't Ted the greatest dancer?

Oh, he sure is.

How about some punch?

Wonderful idea. All right.

Everything is
absolutely perfect.

I wish this night
would last and last.

You're all coming over
to my place afterward,

aren't you? Oh
sure, we'll be there.

Jean, you look
just dreamy tonight.

Thank you.

You should've seen
her this afternoon.

Mike... Like from outer space.

You mean, with all the hardware?

Wired for sound.

Mike, so help me...

Ted, don't you think we ought
to leave before the last dance,

so we can get to your
house before everybody else.

Yeah. Good idea.

Thanks for the dance,
Jean. Bye-bye for now.

I enjoyed it. Bye, Mike.

So long.

Well, uh, shall we sit down?

I wish you'd grow
up, Mike, I really do.

What are you all
steamed up about?

Oh, never mind,
if you don't know.

Excuse me.

The outer space bit?

What's the matter?
Can't you take a joke?

If it's funny, yes.

Boy! You're always ready
to pick a fight, aren't you?

I'm not picking a fight.

Well, what do you call it?

Oh... oh, never mind.

One good thing about graduating:

I'll be getting away from
certain children I know.

Oh, well, you'll probably
like it a lot better up

at hotshot State University,

with all those mature
college men, huh?

That's right!

Well, maybe I can
find a girl at Stanton

that can take a joke.

Maybe so. Good luck!

Well, same to you.

And you don't have
long to wait, either.

You'll be living it up
in just three months.

Two weeks! That's
all I have to wait.

Two weeks?

What do you think,
college begins in July?

I'm going to Europe
in two weeks.

What?

On a tour.

I did get my graduation
present tonight.

That's it.

Well, when are you coming back?

Just before school starts.

Just in time to pack.

You're leaving in two weeks.

Not very far off.

I know it.

The last dance.

♪ ♪

Do you like graham crackers?

I'm crazy about graham crackers.

Do you think Ted
will be mad at us

for not going to his party?

I don't know. I don't care.

I'm glad we didn't.

Well, so am I.

Mike...

I'm sorry about getting mad.

Oh, forget it.

I shouldn't have
acted so stupid.

We shouldn't fight during
these last two weeks.

I know it.

I'm gonna miss you, Jean.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

Remember when
our parents thought

we were gonna get married?

Oh, they just about d*ed.

Getting married in high school!

Maybe we should have.

At least, we wouldn't
be getting ready to...

to practically never
see each other again.

Jean?

Yes?

Are we in love?

I don't know.

I think we might be.

And if we are,

shouldn't we do
something about it?

I mean, like staying together,

instead of going
away from each other.

We have to go to college.

Yeah, but we could
go to the same one.

I guess we could.

Well, if it was
important enough.

Like if we really
did love each other.

How do you know
if you're in love?

I guess if you can't stand
to be away from somebody,

then you're in love with him.

But I've never
been away from you,

so how would I know?

I mean, I've...

I've seen you practically
every day of my life.

We have a special problem.

We should probably
try and find out.

In case we are in love.

I guess we should.

Well, I'll tell you what.

We could stay away from
each other for a week...

Not-not see each other,

or-or even talk on the phone.

I'd hate not seeing
you for a whole week.

Well, there, you see,
it's working already.

Especially this week.

Well, all we'll be doing is
studying and taking exams.

After graduation we
can see each other again.

By that time we'll...

we'll know what to do about it.

Yeah.

Agreed?

Agreed.

It's a nice night.

I wish it would last and last.

You haven't had your nose
out of that book in three days.

Your head's gonna explode.

If I don't pass these
exams, I don't graduate.

You... graduating.

I can't believe it.

Why not?

I'm not as stupid as you think.

Who said you were stupid?

I'm thinking you're
five years old,

ten maybe, 12 at the most.

Bub, I'm pushing 19!

Well, you weren't yesterday,

or the last time I
thought about it, anyway.

And all of a sudden,
today, you're graduating.

No, not until Saturday.

Well, how come everybody else

is getting so much
older and I'm not?

Yeah, you have been around
a long time, haven't you?

Maybe you can help
me with something.

Something I've been
trying to figure out.

I'm afraid Physics is a
little bit out of my line.

Well, no it's... it's not that.

Well?

Well... forget it.

I'll-I'll work it
out for myself.

No, no, come on, try me.

I might know... I know
a few things, you know.

This is a pretty tough one, Bub.

Well, try me anyway.

No, I... I guess not.

If there's anything
that burns me up,

it's anybody asks me something,

and then not ask
me in the first place.

All right, then.

What is love?

What's what?

Love.

Gee, what a crazy thing.

Well, you told me to ask you.

People don't go around
asking silly thing like that.

Well, how else are
they gonna find out?

Well, they just know.

Everybody knows what love is.

I don't.

And you're gonna
graduate Saturday?

I'll ask somebody else.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute now.

Don't get a sore head.

Well?

Well, it's, uh... It's...

Well, it's, uh, what
happens to people.

To men and women, like.

What you ought to do is
listen to a couple of good songs

for a change.

Huh?

This junk they write nowadays...

No wonder people get confused.

What does that
have to do with it?

Well, you'd hear what
love is, that's what.

Oh, brother.

You asked me,
and I'm telling you.

Love is romantic.

That's what love is.

Not a lot of mushy stuff.

It's romantic.

Nowadays, kids don't
know what the word means.

♪ A garden of Eden ♪

♪ Just made for two ♪

I don't believe it.

♪ With nothing to mar our joy ♪

I just don't believe it!

♪ Alone from night to
night you'll find me ♪

Russ Colombo.

There was a fellow who
knew how to sing about love.

Why, he'd tear your heart out.

♪ Too weak to break
the chains behind me ♪

But there aren't any
Russ Colombos anymore.

♪ I need no shackles
to remind me ♪

♪ I'm just a prisoner of love ♪

♪ Dee-dee, ya-yada,
dum, da, da, dum... ♪

Who's drying tonight?

Looks like I am again.

How's it coming, Mike?

Huh?

The studying... how's it coming?

Oh, fine.

I got English and
science exams tomorrow.

How does your
English teacher feel

about the word "huh"?

Huh?

Oh.

Can I be of any help?

It's been a long
time, but, uh...

Oh, I don't think so.

Except for one thing, maybe.

What's that?

Here I go again.

How do you know
when you're in love?

You want a straight answer?

The straightest.

I don't know that I
can give you one.

It'd just be my opinion.

I don't know what that's worth.

It's a... Well, it's a pretty
personal thing, Mike.

Well, is there a way to
tell when you're in love?

Yeah, I think so.

Of course, there
are false alarms,

you know, where you
think you are, and you're not.

But I think when you're...

when you're really
in love, you know it.

Some pretty remarkable
things happen to you.

Like what?

Well... when I fell in love,

I... I found myself being happy

because of what I could give,
rather than what I could take.

And, uh, that came
as no small surprise,

because, well, naturally,

we're all big takers, to
start off with, anyway.

And then comes the big switch,

and, uh, well, you're in love.

At least that's
part of it, Mike.

It's pretty hard to explain.

I-I don't know whether
you could ever understand it

until it happens to you.

What else?

Yes, there's, uh, communication.

That's-That's a part of love.

It's a very high form of
communication, where you know...

where you know
what someone thinks

and how they feel
even before you're told.

Sometimes you even know
what they're going to say

before they say it.

Does that make any sense to you?

Yeah. Go on.

Well, then there's,
uh... there's sharing.

There's a lot of
sharing in love.

In fact, I, uh...

I'd say that was
the foundation for it.

Yes.

Giving, communicating, sharing.

Love is all those things.

Is that all?

Look, Mike, love is
something you feel.

It isn't something
you figure out.

Well, you were
pretty good about it.

At least what you had
to say made some sense.

Oh, thank you.

You ought to hear
what Bub told me.

Well, I don't know
what he said, Mike,

but whatever it was, I
wouldn't sell it too short.

And I think she and
Mike have had a fight.

That's all I can figure.

Jean just mopes
around the house.

Well, that certainly would
explain a lot of things.

Well, they haven't seen
each other in four days,

ever since the prom.

That is unusual,
to say the least.

Unusual? I thought I'd see
the end of the world first.

Yeah. Well, it's to bad

it had to happen right
now, graduation week.

Well, I hate to interfere,

but don't you think we
should try to help out?

Well, you're right,
Flo, sometimes it's best

to keep out of these things,
but what do you suggest?

Well, what do you think

of a backyard
supper, both families?

'Course, Henry's out of town,

but the rest of us
could get together.

Well, now that
they're graduating,

we'd have something
to celebrate.

Why don't we plan on it? Good.

I'll check with Bub
about the food.

You know, I'm
just trying to decide

whether I'm being the kind
of parent I don't approve of.

I know what you mean.

Of course, I'm
gonna do it anyway.

Chip, will you
pass the hot dogs?

You had three already.

Are you paying for
them, or something?

No. There won't be any
left for you-know-who.

Well...

I, uh... I think I'll
go in and study.

Me, too. I'm through eating.

I had a swell time.

Yeah, me, too.

Mike?

Uh, you, too, Jean.

Now, just a minute.

What's going on?

Just eat.

There's something
cooking besides hot dogs.

Oh, for gosh
sakes, that's not it.

Jean, you're not
making things any better.

Oh, Mother, you've
got it all wrong.

Well, for Pete's sake, we had
to find out somehow, didn't we?

Now, wait a minute, Jean.

We were only trying to help.

I'm sorry, Mike.

I guess we shouldn't
have interfered.

Jean! Yes, Mike?

We might as well
have our talk now.

I guess so.

I'm getting a crick in my neck.

We can go over to your place.

Okay. Excuse me, Mother.

Uh, just a second.

I'd like to ask a
question, if I may.

Yes, Mother?

Well, what if you decide

you can't get along
without each other?

Yeah.

What then?

Well, I don't know.

We'll probably get
married or something.

You think they mean it?

I don't know.

I'm, uh, still working
on that, "Or something."

I hated it.

Oh, so did I.

Every day, I thought of a
hundred excuses to call you.

Me, too.

We really do communicate,
and we share, too, don't we?

Of course we do.

I think we ought
to stay together.

That's one thing
we can hold onto

with everything else changing.

And it'll be easy.

I'll switch to State,
and get a part-time job.

Oh, Mike, I don't
want you to do that.

Education is more
important for a boy,

so you should stay at
Stanton, and I'll go there.

No. We'd be better off at State.

I'll ask Mother and Dad
to give me the money

they were going to spend
on the tour, and that way...

Oh, the tour? Oh, no!

You still should take the tour.

I mean, you might never get
another chance to go to Europe.

I couldn't leave you, not now.

I don't want you
to give up your trip.

I don't mind sacrificing
a few things. After all...

That's exactly
what I don't want...

You doing a lot of sacrificing.

Don't be silly. I
have to. Don't you...?

Will you just let
me handle this?

Now, I'll take a summer job,

and then when you get
back from Europe, I'll...

I'm not going to Europe!

When you get back,
I'll have enough money

saved up so we can get married,

especially if I sell my car.

Sell your car?!

Why should you do
a lot of sacrificing?

Well, somebody
has to do something

if we're gonna get married.

What do you mean if?

Well, I mean if you
still want to get married.

Well, yes! Didn't I say so?

Well, all right.

Stop yelling! Me?!

Honestly, Mike, I really
do wish you'd grow up,

especially if we're
going to get married.

Well, I'm certainly glad
we brought them together,

so they could patch things up.

Or something.

Never mind about Mike and Jean.

Help Bub with the dishes, huh?

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Well, come here, Rob.

I'm feeling like one
of those parents.

One of those parents you
don't approve of? Mm-hmm.

Well, a good fight
sometimes clears the air.

It's probably the best thing

that could have
happened to them.

Well, you know what they say

about lover's quarrels being
the first sign of marriage.

Yeah.

Jean?

Jean!

Please don't yell in my window!

It's rude. What do you want?

Hmm.

Well, I just thought I'd
give you a little break.

If you ever want anybody
to marry you, just don't

let him see you with your
hair all curled up in those...

You're a child, Mike
Douglas, a child.

And I'll appreciate it

if you don't ever
talk to me again.

That is, until you grow up.

Me, grow up!

Which will be never!

I really feel sor...

Yes?

I really feel sorry for you
when you get to Stanton.

You're going to
be absolutely lost.

Oh, I'll be just
fine at Stanton.

You'll be a riot in
Europe, though.

A laugh a minute!

Wouldn't you be surprised

if I married a-a count or
a prince or something?

I think we had better end
this discussion, Mr. Douglas.

Don't call again!

Catch the countess!

Well, I guess that's that.

You think they're really
ready for marriage?

Oh, sure they are.

About as ready as Chip is.

Jean?

Yes?

You, uh, want to go to a movie?

I mean, we don't... we don't
have to study or anything.

There's a real good
one at the Majestic.

Can-Can you be
ready in ten minutes?

Sure.

You know what?

I'm sure glad I don't
have to sell my car.

I mean, think what a
problem it would be,

just-just going to the movies.

I didn't want to give up
my trip to Europe, either.

Love is wonderful
when you're young.

Yeah, it's wonderful anytime.

♪ She's in my dreams
awake or sleeping ♪

♪ Upon my knees
to her I'm creeping ♪

♪ My very soul
is in her keeping ♪

♪ I'm just a prisoner of love ♪

♪ Ya, yada, yada,
ya, da, da, dum ♪

♪ Dee, yada, dada, da, da... ♪
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