05x09 - Jubilee's Fairy Tale Theater

[bunniefuu]

[opening title music]

[bats screeching]

[Jubilee] The limestone
is easily dissolved by water

containing small amounts
of carbonic acid,

creating caverns which form--

Incrementally over
millions of years!

Yeah. Right again, Spenser.

Did you know
that Carlsbad Caverns

is as big as
14 football fields?

Er, no.

I'm going to be a geologist.

That's because you like playing
in the dirt.

-Do not!
-Do too!

Hey, time out!

These caves go under all

of Professor Xavier's school,

so we've got a lot of exploring
to do.

What kind of school
does Professor Xavier run?

Well, it's kind of
experimental.

I bet you get to do
some really rad things!

Some of us do.

[aircraft starting]

[Jubilee] Why do I
have to do it?

[Xavier] Jubilee,
surely you've learned by now

that there is no more
important work

than teaching the young.

Then let one of them do it!

But, petite,
I'm not as patient as you,

or as wise.

You know how I go to pieces
around kids.

These students were promised
this field trip months ago.

If the President hadn't called,

you know I would have
happily taken them.

Yeah, how hard could it be?

[Jubilee]
That's not the point!

[blasting off]

You all get to talk
to the President

while I get to babysit!

-[thwack]
-[thud]

[Cynthia] Miss Lee? Miss Lee?

[Jubilee sighs]

Sorry, I guess
I kind of drifted off.

Let's go this way.

I bet there are even more
rocks to see.

[Spenser] Wow!
Look at the cool stalactites!

[rumbling]

[crumbling]

Everybody,
get against the wall.

Will it hurt us?

No, it won't last long.

This is awesome!

-Everyone okay?
-Yeah.

-[Jacky] I want to go home.
-I'm okay.

Wow!

It came from behind us.

Stay here, I'll be right back.

[Jubilee] Uh-oh.

-[Beeping]
-Wow!

Is that a Sat-Com 2000
Digital Beeper?

Yeah, I'm telling my friends

where to find us
when we're done.

Can it get through
all these rocks?

Sure, no problem.

Miss Lee, is it dangerous
down here?

Heck, no!

These caves have been here

a zillion years.

Hey, I've got an idea.
Forget the rocks.

Everybody gather around.

Until my friends show up,
I'm going to tell you a story.

A scary one? With lots
of fighting and monsters?

[both] Bad guys
getting stomped!

Is it about
a handsome prince--

And true love?

[both] Love? Yuck!

It's about all that
and a whole lot more.

[Jubilee] A long time ago
there was a happy kingdom

ruled by a handsome prince

and his true love,
the fair Princess Jean.

The greatest treasure
in the land

was a shard
of the MacTaggert Crystal,

a source of great power
divided in half
by the ancients.

But that power
had attracted great evil.

The sorcerer
Magnus the Malevolent,

master of metal, att*cked.

Now Magnus could pursue
his evil dream

of acquiring the other half
of the crystal,

and with that power,

conquer all kingdoms
everywhere.

Halt! By order
of Magnus the Magnificent.

Sorry, but this thief,
he no follow orders,

he just run.

[zapping]

Get him,

or Magnus will use us
for pots and pans!

Hide me, mes amis.

If the Clankers get me,
the rebellion is doomed.

It will be a nightmare
if you don't help me!

Under the hay!

[zapping]

Halt! By order of Magnus!

Now what do we do?

We fight!

[zapping]

[grunts]

[thuds]

[clanks]

Let me go!

[grunting]

-[screams]
-[thuds]

By aiding this traitor,

you have declared yourselves

the enemies of Magnus.

Destroy them.

Can no one help us?

Listen!

Can it be?

It must be her!

She does not exist.

She is a fable you peasants
tell to give yourselves hope.

If she does not exist,
mon capitaine,

why are you so nervous?

I fear nothing.

Smash the peasants!
It is the command of Magnus.

That's all the commanding
Magnus gets to do today.

It is her!

She is real!

The one they call Jubilee!

Destroy her!

[zapping]

[gasps]

How come you get to be
the hero?

Because it's my story.

But that's cheating.

[rocks crumbling]

don't like that noise!

It's okay.

Caves always do
stuff like this.

Hey! You guys want to hear

what happens
with the metal warriors?

-Yeah!
-Finish the story!

What happened
with the metallics?

[All] Yeah, what's next?

[Metallic Captain]
Beware of her thunderbolt!

[zapping]

[smash]

Help me! Please!

Get her, you fool!

We are still three to her one.

Three, huh?

The problem with you clankers

is that Magnus
never taught you to count.

[boom]

Looks more like two to me!

[zaps]

[clunks]

Look like it just you
and Jubilee, eh?

How you like them odds?

[clunking]

Going somewhere, Tin Man?

[roars]

[thuds]

What manner of creature
is this?

What's it to you,
you ungrateful--

Hey, cool it!

This is Logan,
my right-hand troll.

He may look disgusting,

but his heart is
brave and true.

[growls]

We thought we were doomed.

Getting out of tight places
is what I do.

The question is why,
my scruffy friend,

were they so interested in you?

Have you never heard
of the MacTaggert Crystal?

Of course! Do you have it?

Could you show it to me?

Ah, fair warrior,

I could show you
so many things--

Watch it, bub.

Just answer the question.

Mon ami!We are friends, no?

Come, I take you both
to the crystal.

[Thief] Magnus,
he study for years

to find the other half
of the crystal.

When he find it,
he hire me to steal it.

And you did, didn't you?

I am the best of thieves,
and this was a challenge, no?

Let me guess.
You decided to keep it?

I may be thief,
but I'm not stupid.

If Magnus get both halves
of the crystal,

he'd be unstoppable!

I give him a fake!

And Magnus got wise,

so your challenge now
is staying alive.

[Logan] So, where did you hide
the little sparkler?

[Thief] There,
in the Cavern of the Lost!

I hid my half of the crystal
in the safest place there is.

Beyond these doors

is the secret stronghold

of the Guild of Thieves.

Most who find this place

don't live long
trying to get in,

but I know its secrets.

[rumbling]

[jingling]

[lava bubbling]

Could I change my look
in this place!

[sighs] Get a grip, Jubilee.

You're here for a reason.

Maybe it not so good

for a thief to say this,

but I'm happy to get rid of it.

Then you'll thank me
for taking the crystal

and your worthless lives!

[echoing]

[Marie] Why'd you stop?
This is so cool!

You guys sit tight.
I want to check something.

No way the bad guys
are going to stop her!

[rumbling]

[gasps]

This could be a problem.

I've got to get us
away from here.

[Sam and Casey]
Is everything okay?

Sure. I just think we ought
to see more of the cave.

Well, why do we have to move?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

This tunnel
kind of goes uphill.

It will make it easier
for my friends to find us.

Can we hear
the rest of the story?

Sure.

[bursts open]

Keep moving, guys.

Miss Lee, the cave stops!

Oh, I know. This chamber's
kind of my favorite.

Hang loose for a sec.

Man! I just can't
catch a break today.

[water rushing in]

Please let that hold
for a little while.

[Casey] What happened
in the cave?

In the cave?

In the story, Miss Lee!

Oh, yeah, the story.

Well, things looked
pretty bad.

[Jubilee] We... I mean,
the mighty warrior Jubilee

and her followers were
outnumbered.

And then...

What do we do now, boss lady?

Don't be afraid, Logan.

Getting out of tight spots
is what I do.

Not this time!

Surrender the crystal,

and I promise
your destruction
will be painless.

Not so fast, fur ball!

You want it,
you've got to get it.

[laughing]

[shouting]

Is that all you've got?

[thud]

[high-pitched voice]
Did I upset
the little kitty cat?

[grunting]

You're just not very good
at this, are you?

I'll rip you apart!

I'm waiting.

[shouting]

-[roaring]
-[thuds]

[thwacking]

[grunting]

[growling]

-[thuds]
-Looks pretty ended to me.

You are correct!

Surrender or be destroyed.

Destroyed, destroyed,
destroyed!

Is that all you guys
ever think about?

[Logan] Well, what do we do
with the Sabretooth?

We'll come back for him,
someday.

We've got the trinket,
but what do we do with it?

I guess you've got a point
there.

It's Xavier, the all knowing.

[Logan] They say
he's the one wizard

that even Magnus
can't get his hands on.

Jubilee, heed my words.

You are the key
to the power of the crystal.

Your own light of goodness
will activate the gem,

but not until the two half
pieces are joined.

Then, and then only

will you have the secret
of destroying Magnus!

[Xavier echoing]

Oh, that's great.

All we gotta to do to get
the other half of the crystal

is waltz right
into Magnus' fortress.

Not this troll!

Logan, we have no choice.

It's mortally dangerous,
but that's what we heroes do.

Well, at least we'll have
the advantage of surprise.

[rat squeaking]

[zap]

Surprise the Master?

[chuckles]

I think not, short stuff!

[thunder rumbling]

[zapping]

This lead to the dungeons,

near the great vault
where Magnus keep the crystal.

The vault is over there.

How come you know so much
about this?

It is my job.

So far, so good.
It's been easy.

Yeah, too easy.

Look! There it is!

Okay, guys, it's showtime!

[Metallic Captain] Halt!

[Logan] We've been set up!

-[zapped]
-Logan!

[Magnus] You play a good game,
my little brigand,

but the final hand
is always mine!

[gasps]

[grunting]

See how they pulsate,

even in the dim light
of my dungeon!

Imagine the power
trapped within,

waiting to be unlocked
from its centuries of slumber.

And you, my dear, are the key.

Restore the shard
and I may even let you survive.

I expected as much,

and it would do scant good
to thr*aten you.

You would resist me
to your grave.

However, to save your friend,

-I wager you would do anything!
-Logan!

Your light brightens my world,
mistress.

Please, don't use it
to make an evil darkness!

Nobly said.
Better decide quickly.

Stop it! You win!

You want power, Magnus?

Okay, you're going to get it!

[Magnus] You have all been
loyal, whatever you are.

But your services
are no longer required.

[explodes]

Let him go! Now!

Now why would I do that,

you pathetic,
silly little girl?

You always claim

that getting out
of tight spots is what you do.

So get out of this one!

But you promised!

I am beyond promises!

I am power!

Well, power this!

All you are doing
is making me stronger!

That's just what I had in mind,
oh, Master of Metal!

[clanking]

You tricked me!

I cannot control my power!

[expl*si*n]

[men coughing]

Watch where you're aiming
those things.

We picked up your signal
and got here

as soon as we could.

-Is everyone all right?
-Yeah.

You guys have
a great sense of timing.

Okay, g*ng,
last one out is a troll!

Hi, kid. I'm...

Logan!
Yeah, I know, the troll!

Who wants more hot cocoa?

It's odd, Professor,

but I don't sense the fear
that I should

from children who have been
through this kind of trauma.

Time to go.

You haven't told us

what happened to Jubilee!

Finish the story!

[both] Please.

Story?

I just thought
we all needed something fun

to think about down there.

Well, with Magnus destroyed,

the kingdom was restored
and everyone was pretty happy.

[cheering and applauding]

They love you
for the hero you are.

[giggles]

They shall love you even more
as a princess.

Of course, you'll have to learn
how to dress, how to speak.

How to deal with
matters of state--

We'll get you
the very best tutors.

You'll have to study
day and night,

but never fear, you can do it!

You're going to give
all this up?

Sure!

Maybe I'll be a princess later.

But for now there's still
lots of adventures

to have in this world.

Can we come back and hear
another story
sometime, Miss Lee?

Yeah!

Can we?

[both] Please?

It's a promise!

Jubilee,
did those children know

how much danger they were in?

What danger?

We all knew
we were going to be saved

saved by a one-eyed prince,

a yellow troll

and the fearless Jubilee.

Got to go wash up!

You know,
I think our young lady

has always been ready
for all the "adventures
to have in this world."

[Wolverine] Yeah,
but is the world ready for her?

I know that voice!
Wait! Don't go in!

-Mother?
-Mystique?

Rogue!

I don't know what tricks
you're playing, mama,

but nobody's touching
Nightcrawler.

What are you doing here?
You'll ruin everything!

They just want your brother!

[Both] Brother?