03x15 - Ol' Rockin' Chair

[bunniefuu]

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Wilbur, how about a
game of gin rummy, hmm?

You always win.

Last night, you b*at
me for eight carrots.

You'd win, too, if
you used my system.

- Oh? What's that?
- I cheat.

Don't you know it
isn't nice to cheat?

And it isn't easy.

I have to sit up all
night marking the cards.

All right. Here.

Ohh!

Here's a carrot.
You've cheated again.

Thank you, Wilbur. [chuckling]

You're a real pal.

- Wilbur...
- Oh, boy.

I'm glad my wife hired
such a cute little maid.

Come here, honey,
and sit on my lap.

Oh, Wilbur, please.

I'm busy cleaning the house.

Story of my life. I
married a broom.

Honey, the junk man
is coming this morning,

so would you please bring this box
of old horseshoes around to the front?

Honey, I'd like to save
Ed's old horseshoes.

Such a hoarder.

No matter how old and
broken down a thing is,

you just won't let
go of it, will you?

No. And on our golden
anniversary, you'll thank me for that.

I just can't understand
why you want to hang on

to a box of useless
old horseshoes.

Dear, they have
sentimental value.

- Sentimental value?
- Oh, yes.

Why... [chuckling]

Remember when Ed
used to bite his nails?

Ohh...

I've saved these shoes
ever since we got Ed.

You take these.
These are the shoes

Ed wore when he
got his first haircut.

Are you going to
have them bronzed?

No. Think we should?

Oh, Wilbur.

Every time I try to
clean this place out,

I break my back
trying to move this box.

Well, maybe you're right.

Maybe we should get rid of them.

[slams]

And then, maybe we shouldn't.

They don't take up
too much space, dear.

Oh, but, honey, we're
so cluttered up now.

We've just got to get rid
of anything we don't need.

Please, Wilbur.

All right. The horseshoes go.

Ah, thank you, honey.

[door closes]

Ed, where'd you get these?

I've been saving them.

Your first pair of riding boots.

Ed, I feel like a heel,
fella, but Carol's right.

Your old shoes... They
kind of get in the way,

and we just gotta
get rid of them.

Aww...

[sighs]

Ah, there you are.
It's all finished, Ed.

What do you think
of my rocking chair?

Oh, it's beautiful, Wilbur.

You turned my old
shoes into a work of art.

Not only that, but it's a
work of art you can sit on.

It sure is unique.

And comfortable-looking,
too, huh?

Well, don't ask me.

I'm not a rocking horse.

The main thing is Carol can't
throw away your old shoes now

because they have
a useful function.

- [sighs]
- [Roger] Oh, Wilbur?

Oh.

Is this the secret project you've
been working on for three days?

Yeah. What do you think of it?

You should've kept it a secret.

I made this rocking chair
out of Ed's old horseshoes.

You should've made a
leather chair out of Ed.

[blows raspberry]

Come on. Give me a hand. I
wanna carry it in the living room.

The living room? You
mean to say that Carol

is going to allow this iron
monstrosity in the house?

Well, she doesn't
know about it yet.

It's gonna be a surprise.

I have a feeling it will be.

Well, come on.

Sturdy little thing, isn't it?

- Still want it in the house?
- Yeah.

Then you better call the
Auto Club and have it towed in.

Look, Roger, just give me a
hand. Put it up on my back, huh?

Come on. Lift. Lift.

That's it.

Well, hurry it up, Wilbur. I
can't hold this thing forever.

Oh, this weighs a ton.

Are you sure you're
not sitting on it, Rog?

- Positive.
- Now, uh, here's a good place.

Now, when I say "three,"
just let it down gently, huh?

- All right.
- One, two, three.

Nice and sturdy, huh?

[mutters]

[groans]

Ah. Thanks. Thanks
very much. Here.

- [car approaching]
- Ohh!

It's Carol.

She'll flip when
she sees this chair.

Don't you go away.

Go away? I wouldn't
miss this for the world.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [car door opens]

Hi, darling.

Close your eyes. I got
a big surprise for you.

- A surprise?
- Close your eyes.

That's it. All right. Follow me.

- All right.
- Oh, honey.

- Don't open them.
- A surprise?

Yes. This way. Right here.

- That's wonderful.
- Stand right there.

- All right.
- And don't open them
till I tell you.

- Okay.
- Is, uh, that the surprise?

Can I open my eyes now?

Not if you're smart.

Okay. You can look now.

She's flipping,
Wilbur, but inwardly.

Yeah. It's a
rocking chair, Carol.

It's made out of
Ed's old horseshoes.

The ones you wanted to
throw away. Remember?

Well, what do you think of it?

Well, it's unusual.

But where are we
going to keep it?

What do you mean,
where? Right here.

Don't look at me, sweetie.
I prefer Chinese modern.

This is Early
American. Old Ironside.

Honey, this is something
you can be proud of.

Why, this chair is
a collector's item.

A dust collector's.

Dear, this is something
I've always wanted.

A nice, great big, comfortable
chair I can call my own.

- Oh, but, Wilbur.
- Look, a man's home
is his castle,

and this is my throne.

I think we better leave.

Good night, Your Majesty.

See you later, Your Highness.

Come, Duchess.

Admit it, dear.

Doesn't that chair
look beautiful?

You're right, darling.

Sit down and enjoy it.

Yeah. [chuckling]

[sighing]

[sighs]

I just made some fresh
coffee. Would you like a cup?

Good idea. Let me get it.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, honey.

You just sit and be comfortable.

No, honey. I'll
get it. I'll get it.

Whoa! Whoa!

- Honey, what happened?
- My foot's caught.

- It happens in
the best of chairs.
- [laughing]

- What's so funny?
- I'm beginning to like
this chair.

It's one way of keeping
a husband home nights.

Never mind that. Just get my foot
out of there, please, would you, dear?

[laughing]

Playing charades?

I got it. "Old Rocking
Chair's Got Me."

- What happened?
- He was trying
to get off his chair.

Well, there's nothing
new about that.

He's always been off
his rocker. [laughing]

Sorry. You are
beautiful. Beautiful.

Addison, maybe you
better go back home.

King on a throne.

This boy is too much.

[laughing continues]

Wilbur, you'll just
have to forgive Addison.

He didn't... I mean,
he didn't mean to...

He... [laughing]

[laughing continues]

[typing]

How's this sound, Ed?

"For sale: collector's item.

"Unusual rocking chair
made out of horseshoes.

A real conversation piece."

Right now, all it's
saying is good-bye.

Look, Ed, I know it's beautiful,

but it's also very
uncomfortable.

Horseshoes are very comfortable.

I've been standing
on them all my life.

Have you tried sitting on them?

Believe me, it's like
curling up in a waffle iron.

You were saving my old
shoes 'cause you love me.

I still love you, Ed.

It's just that if we
can't use the chair,

we might as well try to
make some money out of it.

Why don't you chop off my
tail and sell it for a whisk broom?

- Ed...
- Or have my teeth strung,

and sell them for
a charm bracelet?

- Ed, it has to go.
- Ohh...

That chair has an
iron seat, and I haven't.

Well, I'll make sure

nobody calls us about that ad.

You've gotta
fight fire with fire!

I can't understand.

Not one call this
morning about my ad.

Making the rocking chair
set don't get up this early.

I'll call the editor and have him
run the ad a couple more days.

Uh-oh.

This phone seems to be
dead. I don't know what c...

- Ed?
- [stammering]

Ohh! Easy, Wilbur.

That's real hair, not a wig.

Come back here, Ed.

Come back here.

Who pulled out that wire?

Well, uh, uh... [laughs]

Last night, a pussycat...

Yeah, he was chasing a mouse,
and he tripped over the wire.

And the name of this pussycat
wouldn't be Mister Ed, would it?

Meow.

Don't you try to con
your way out of this.

Just for that, you're gonna trot
me down to the phone company

so I can get a man
out to fix that wire.

I didn't want my baby shoes
to wind up with some stranger.

You pull that trick once more, and
you'll wind up with some stranger.

Wilbur?

Can I help you?

Excuse me, sir.
Are you Mr. Post?

No, I'm Mr. Addison,
his neighbor.

I was looking for
Mr. Post, but he's not in.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

Well, my name is Farnsworth.

I came in response
to the ad in the paper.

I was hoping that I could see
that horseshoe rocking chair.

You wanna buy it?

Well, let's say that I'm always interested
in objects that are a little unusual.

"Unusual"?

Mr. Farnsworth, you
have just hit the jackpot.

Follow me.

[chuckles]

Mr. Farnsworth, if you please.

[laughing] Oh, boy.

- Here it is.
- Oh, yes.

Very interesting.
Very interesting.

These are real
horseshoes, aren't they?

Oh, yes, sir. Right
from the horse's hoof.

You might say
they're still warm.

You know, I admire the
simplicity of the design,

the way he's laced
the shoes together.

Ah, Mr. Post is
certainly a fine artist.

An artist? He's the
Rembrandt of the stable set.

The things he can
do with horseshoes.

It's a crime to waste
them on horses.

- I like it.
- [stammers]

- You do?
- Yes.

Would you be kind enough
to give Mr. Post my card?

Tell him that I'm prepared
to go as high as, uh, 200.

- Dollars?
- Yes.

Oh, if he makes a decision, I'll
appreciate hearing from him later tonight.

Thank you, Mr. Addison.
Good day, sir.

$200.

Well...

♪ Rock-a-bye baby
on the treetop ♪

Roger, I don't know
why you wanna buy this.

- I thought you hated it.
- Well, frankly, Wilbur,

I had no idea this chair
was so comfortable.

- Comfortable?
- And healthy.

When you sit in it, you have
the feeling you're still standing.

Oh, look, I don't wanna
sell you a white elephant.

Please, Wilbur. I'll
give you $25 for it.

35? But not a cent over 50.

Let me try that once more.

- You can have it for 25.
- Oh, no. No, boy.

I wouldn't take
advantage of you.

I'll give you $35.

Make it 30, you got a deal.

You drive a hard bargain.

Now hold it. Hold
it. Hold it, Wilbur.

Just a second. I want to
pick out a good spot for it.

- How about on the floor?
- No, no.

Eh... Hey, how about...

Well, right here by
the fireplace. Come on.

- Before I put it down... all right?
- This is perfect.

- Put it down, Wilby.
- Okay.

- [Kay] Hold everything.
- Huh?

What's that chair doing in here?

Why, sweetheart,
I just bought it.

Bought it? Addison, have
you been nipping at the sherry?

Now, calm down, my dear.

I know I said I
didn't like it before,

but this is the kind of
chair that grows on you.

- [groans]
- It's growing on me.

Addison, don't be ridiculous.

Wilbur, get that iron
monster out of here.

Don't you pay any
attention to her.

- I say it goes.
- And I say it stays.

Addison, I'm tired of arguing.

I'm tired.

Kay, my mind is made
up. I am keeping that chair.

Over my dead body.

It'll be over mine in a minute.

Sweetheart, darling,
let us compromise.

Now, let me keep the chair for just
a couple of days until I find a buyer.

- Roger, I'll give you
your money back.
- Absolutely not.

I have too much honor
to back out of a deal.

Kay, let me keep the
chair for just one day.

I want the man to
know I own that chair.

What man?

A-Any man. Any woman.

The buyer. Whoever
answers the ad.

Well, until you sell it, I'm
sure that Wilbur won't mind

you keeping that chair in
the barn, will you, Wilbur?

No. I'm getting
quite attached to it.

- Well, I'll help you with it.
- All right.

Take it easy now.
Let me get the door.

- There's a step. Just...
- Come on.

- [grunting]
- Attaboy. Through the door.

- To your right.
- Okay.

Easy, boy. Easy.

Easy does it, boy.

All right, boy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I wish you'd stop talking
to me like I was a mule.

There, boy. Take it easy now.

Watch my head.

All right. Okay.

Ready? [grunts]

[groans]

I just straightened out
your telephone, Mr. Post.

- Huh?
- I said, "I just straightened
out your telephone."

Fine. I wish you'd
straighten me out.

- [groaning]
- All right.

Wait. [mutters]

- [bones cracking]
- Ooh!

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

[sighing]

Wilbur, boy, I want you to know

I really appreciate your
letting me keep this chair here.

Thanks, Rog. Now,
if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go and
have Carol rub my back.

Good idea.

What's left of it.

Oh, Mr. Farnsworth.

This is Mr. Addison.

I want you to know that I
own Mr. Post's chair now.

If you bring over the
$200, you can have it.

Fine. Fine. I'll see
you in Mr. Post's office

in the morning.

[sighs]

♪ Rock-a-bye baby
on the treetop ♪

Ed, I don't believe you.

Roger would never do
a thing like that to me.

But I heard him on the phone.

That $200 should be yours.

Ed, if there's anything
worse than a man who lies,

it's a horse who lies.

Just a minute.

You just want me to get
that chair back from Roger

so you can have your old shoes.

It's the truth, Wilbur. I swear.

Ed, let's face it.
You and the truth

have been strangers for years.

Ohhhh! Ohhhh!

I'm not gonna let moustache puss

make a profit on
poor, simple Wilbur.

[splash]

Farewell, old shoes.

What do you mean,
my chair disappeared?

Believe me, I left
it here last night.

This morning when I came
in, it was gone. Vanished.

- Disappeared. Pfft!
- A chair doesn't pfft
just like that.

I didn't take it. I
don't know where it is.

- Somebody must've stolen it.
- Stolen it?

To steal a chair like that, a man
would have to be strong as a horse.

Look, Rog, I'll give
you the money back.

You haven't lost anything.

Lost anything?

I could've sold
that chair for $200.

And any man who would
make a friend lose $170

is not a true friend.

How do you like that?

There was a buyer.
You were telling the truth.

Eh, you'll never learn.

Okay. Where'd
you hide the chair?

You won't holler at me?

No. Where did
you hide the chair?

Well, now, don't
get sore, Wilbur,

but I may have to tell
you to jump in the lake.

Well, Ed, now, let's run
through the signals once, huh?

- Mm-hmm.
- All right.

Now, when I get this grappling
hook around the chair, see,

I'll pull on the rope, and then
you just pull me out, right?

- Roger.
- Now, when you pull,

I want a nice, long, slow pull.

- No jerks.
- Except the two of us.

Yeah, we're two
of a... Wise guy.

Come on, Ed. Let's go.

All right, Ed. Pull!

Thanks, Ed.

What happened?
You're supposed to hook

that grappling
hook onto the chair.

It's so dark down there,
I couldn't see a thing.

Well, who do we
get to do this job?

Look in the Yellow Pages
under "train lobsters."

- You did it, Ed. You did it, boy.
- [shudders]

I am proud of you, Ed.

Just get me out
of this cold outfit

and into a hot toddy.

[Mister Ed laughing]

[clanging]

How are you coming
along with that sunlamp, Ed?

- Are you dry yet?
- Yeah,

but I think my tail has shrunk.

Don't worry about it.

If it's too short, I'll
tie a flyswatter to it.

Honey, dinner
will be ready in...

Wilbur, what in the
world is this mess?

Well, I was just taking
the rocking chair apart.

Why did you do that?

I don't know. I guess I'm
just an old sentimentalist.

[mutters]

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪