03x21 - Wilbur's Father

[bunniefuu]

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

"Mr. Wilbur Post."

"Mr. Wilbur Post."

"Mr. Ed Post."

"Occupant." I wonder
which one of us that is.

It doesn't say barn or house.

I think I'll take it.

Ed, what are you doing?

[Ed] Sorting our mail.

"Our" mail?

Yeah, I sent away
for some travel folders.

Don't tell me you got
the urge to travel again.

Well, birds fly
south every winter.

I'll settle for any direction.

And who did you
expect to pay for this trip?

You, but don't worry.

We'll win it back
at Monte Carlo.

Oh. Look, take off
those ridiculous glasses

and get into your stall.

[Ed] Eh, why don't we
hop a boat to Hawaii?

I've always wanted
to go to Hawaii.

I've been practicing my hula.

♪♪ ["Aloha Oe"]

You and your hula.

Hey, I just got a
letter from my father.

Wilbur?

Honey, your breakfast
is getting cold.

Carol, got a letter from Dad.

Dad? Why, we haven't
heard from him in a long time.

What does he say?

"Dear Wilbur,

"please excuse
the little white spots

"on the letter.

"I just got through
milking the cow.

"Everything up
at the farm is fine.

Our sow just had a
litter of 13 baby pigs."

Oh.

"She's worried because she
can only set places for 12."

- Oh, Dad always had
a good sense of humor.
- Yes.

"By the way, I'm getting
married next week."

He really is funny, isn't he?

Wait... Wait a
minute. This is serious.

[mumbles]

He's getting married to a...

An Emma Hoblock, whoever she is.

Imagine my father,
over 70 years old,

he's getting married this week.

He doesn't tell
me about it till now.

Oh, honey, he doesn't
need your permission.

Why not?

I got his permission
when I married you.

Oh, now, try not
to be too upset.

Come on in to breakfast,
and we'll talk about it.

How can I eat when my
father's getting married,

I haven't even met the woman?

You're just upset
because your pride is hurt.

You're darn right
my pride is hurt.

You worry about your
parents all your life,

they reach a certain age,

and all of a sudden they think they're
old enough to take care of themselves.

Oh, honey, everything
will be all right.

After all, he asked
us to come up,

and he was sweet enough
to invite the Addisons

even though he's never met them.

Now, come on. Sit down
and eat your breakfast.

Come on.

He knows he's wrong, you know.

That's why he never mentioned
the wedding to us until now.

Now, Wilbur, don't you think

your father is mature enough
to know what he wants?

Oh, yeah. Last year,
he wanted swim fins,

a snorkel, and a spear g*n.

What's wrong with that?

He can't swim.

Eggs taste funny.

That's just because
you're so disturbed.

I know what they need.

Wilbur's father
is getting married,

and Wilbur doesn't
want to go to the wedding.

Please come over and help
me to convince him to go.

We'll be right over.

Come on, doll.

We've got to go over and
convince Wilbur that he's wrong.

Of course he is.

What's he wrong about this time?

Wilbur's upset because
his father is getting married.

I'm with Wilbur.

Come on, doll. We've
got to go over there.

I will not be a party to
helping any man get married.

You're married.

The defense rests.

The defense might
rest, but you're not.

Come on, doll.

And you do love your
father. Don't you, Wilbur?

- Yeah.
- And, dear, you are concerned
about his happiness.

Yeah.

- Then you're going.
- No.

A man shouldn't
succumb to pressure.

You took the words
right out of my mouth.

If my father wants
to be independent,

I can be independent, too.

Exactly what I would've said.

Hey, now I see
what your strategy is.

Sure.

What is my strategy?

You're going to teach
your father a lesson.

A lesson?

Yeah, you're going to
let him marry this woman

even if she's wrong for him.

I didn't mean that.

Then when he's unhappy,

you can say "Ha
ha ha, I told you so."

I wouldn't do a thing
like that to my father.

That's what you're
doing. Isn't it?

I better get up to that farm
and have a look at that woman.

Hey, Wilbur.

Will you phone me and let me
know how everything comes out?

Phone you? You're going along.

You're the only one
who understands me.

Well, I'm going
to travel after all.

You know, Ed,
it's hard to realize

that every year my father's
getting older and older.

I'm glad you made
me change my mind.

Here.

It's a picture of my father.

Sweet old Scotsman.

♪♪ [jazz]

Go, Emma. Go, go, go, Emma.

That's it.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh, Angus, you're a caution.

You never stop.

And that's the way you like it.

Isn't it, honey, yeah?

[laughing]

[sighs]

Let's see what the flipside is.

Don't you ever slow down?

Plenty of time for that
when we get old, kitten.

No. No more dancing today.

I have to go home and have
a fitting on my wedding gown.

Emma, I can't wait to carry
you across the threshold.

Oh.

Mother, you run along,

and I'll see you as soon
as I pick up the supplies.

All right. See you later, Angus.

Oh, allow me, my bride.

That'll give me time
to rewind my motor.

[grunts]

Penny, there goes a sweet kid.

My young bride.

Mother picked a wonderful man.

Maybe, but she's marrying me.

[chuckles]

I'm so anxious to meet your son.

I hope he has your
sense of humor.

Oh, don't count
on Wilbur, Penny.

I don't think he's
coming to the wedding.

But why not?

You invited him, didn't you?

Yes, but Wilbur's old-fashioned.

He's... He's not young-minded.

You're kidding.

No, no, he's a
square. He's a square.

See, Wilbur, ever
since he was a child,

he's been afraid
of anything new.

He didn't get off his
milk bottle till he was 8.

Mr. Post, you're so much fun.

Here, here.

No more of that Mr. Post.

From now on, it's Daddy.

Oh, okay, Daddy.

I better run along
and get those supplies.

♪♪ [jazz]

[horn honks]

[honks]

[honking]

[knock on door]

- Wilbur.
- Dad.

- Wilbur.
- Dad.

- Wilbur.
- Dad.

This is my dad.

How do you do, sir?

How do you do? Welcome to you.

Dad, these are the
friends I wrote you about,

Roger and Kay.

Oh, yes. Come on in, all of you.

Come in.

Sweet of you to invite us.

Can't have too many
clams for a clambake.

Come in. Come...
- Carol.
- Dad.

- Carol.
- Dad.

We don't say much,
but it's all heart.

Oh, just a minute.

There's a young beauty
I want you to meet.

I won't be long.

Young beauty?

Now, Wilbur, don't
jump to conclusions.

He said young beauty.

But, Wilbur, youth
is a relative thing.

You look at Addison,
you look at me,

and next to him, I'm young.

No wonder he didn't let us
know until the last minute.

Now, honey, when a
man of your father's age

refers to a woman as young,

she could be 60.

- Or 50.
- Or 40.

Or less.

Oh, hello.

You must be Wilbur.

What a remarkable resemblance.

You look just like your father.

How do you do?

This is my wife Carol,

and this is Mr. and
Mrs. Addison,

and you are... Miss Hoblock.

Uh, Miss Hoblock.

We're so glad you're
here for the wedding.

We were afraid
you wouldn't come.

Well, I'm certainly glad we did.

Where's Daddy?

Daddy?

That's what he
likes me to call him.

Oh, well, Daddy... He
went to look for you.

He just never stays
put for a moment.

He certainly doesn't
act his age, does he?

Apparently not.

Isn't it wonderful?

It must be.

Well, I better run
off to get Daddy.

I guess we'll be seeing
an awful lot of each other

now that we're
going to be kinfolk.

Daddy?

I've got to call her Mother?

I'm going to stop that marriage.

So you're Wilbur's horse, eh?

I'll never figure how he
got to pick the right horse

or the right wife.

Wilbur. He was 14 years old

before he learned
to buckle his knickers.

Dad?

Dad, I want to have a talk
with you about this marriage.

Yes, I... I picked
a sweet little girl.

Yes, well, I realize that
a man can get lonely.

Widows get lonely, too.

Widow... You mean
she's been married before?

She used to be married
to Old Clem Hoblock.

"Old" Clem Hoblock?

How old?

Hm, 80.

80?

Look, Dad, I think
you're making a mistake

rushing into this marriage.

I mean, after all,
you're no kid after all.

I feel pretty young, Wilbur.

Why don't we just sit
down and talk this over?

Two heads are better than one.

Even when one of them is yours?

Dad, I think this
marriage is a mistake,

and I intend to
put my foot down.

And if you don't
hold your tongue,

you know where I'm
going to put my foot?

- But, Dad, I...
- Don't you go telling me what to do

until you learn to
buckle your knickers.

Oh, uh, Mr. Post.

Yes?

Uh, I really don't
know, but, well,

after the wedding
should I call you Mr. Post

or... or Wilbur?

Well, I really don't
care what you call me,

but I'm certainly not
going to call you Mother.

Mother?

[chuckles]

Oh, that son of mine.

Imagine, thinking I'm
going to marry you.

Well, I don't think
it's very funny.

Well, I do. I do.

Only raised one son,
and he's a beauty.

How could he possibly
make a mistake like that?

Oh, he always got
things mixed up.

When I first told him about
the birds and the bees,

he tried to put them together.

The bird bit him, and
the bee stung him.

Let's tell him the truth.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

If he's that stupid, and I...

I regret to say that he is,

he deserves to
be taught a lesson.

What kind of a lesson?

Well, if he thinks you're a
flirt and a bit of a gold digger,

then the next time you see him,

do a little flirting and
a little gold digging.

Oh, but I couldn't do that.

Oh, of course you could.

It's all in the family,

and there's nothing we Posts
like better than a good laugh,

especially at another
one of the Posts.

Come on. Come on.

Well, okay.

I'll try.

That's the girl.

All right, sister,
make like a cow.

Come on, give.

[cow moos]

Hm, all moo and no milk.

Guess I'll have to stick to hay.

You know, Kay, I've
never seen Wilbur so upset.

But, Addison, I'm worried, too.

Wilbur's father should marry
someone near his own age.

Sometimes that doesn't
work out too well, either.

Now, let me tell you...

My dear, their quarrels
are none of my business.

Here we are, on a
farm. Let's enjoy it.

Oh, you're right.

Oh, I just love the country.

If they could
bring it to the city,

I'd live there all my life.

Very well, my dear.

I shall take you on a
personally guided tour.

Come along.

Now, uh... this is a barn.

- Really?
- Go ahead.

[inhales]

Bucolic, isn't it?

Oh, I love the
smell of the country.

Yeah.

Now, uh... uh, these are hens.

They manufacture eggs.

Now, they're all
setting except that one,

and she seems to be
on a stand-up strike.

She is not.

Well, why isn't
she doing anything?

Because she is a rooster,

and he does plenty.

That so?

Ah, now, here... here.

She is a cow.

Fool around with that.

You fool around with her.

Let's see you get
some milk out of her.

I suppose you think I couldn't.

You don't even know how to
get milk out of a refrigerator.

We shall see.

Now, let me figure this out.

Lots of luck.

[cow moos]

Hey, it works.

Hey.

[chuckles]

Eureka, I'm a farmer.

[laughs] Well.

Well, don't just stare at me.

Fill her up.

Kay. Kay!

[slurping]

Boy, that milk was delicious.

I wonder if she
makes house calls.

You thought I
couldn't do it, huh?

Well, I'll show you.

You just take a
look for yourself.

It's empty.

Well, it can't be.

Why... Huh?

Maybe I better
go look for Wilbur.

Carol, it might be better
to let him walk off his anger.

That's right.

If I know husbands,
he'll take it out on you.

Huh?

I see the country air hasn't
dulled your tongue, my dear.

My dear, do you want
to start an argument

right here in front of Carol

or wait till we go to bed?

Well, why don't you go to
bed and start without me?

I don't blame Wilbur
for being upset.

That girl is too young.

She couldn't be
more than 20, 21, 22.

I figure her for 36, 23, 36.

Is, um... Is Wilbur here?

Why, no... no, he isn't, but
we expect him any minute.

[door opens]

Roger.

Miss Hoblock, I'd...

I'd like to have a little
talk with you, please.

Oh, well, tell, uh, Mama
what's on your mind.

Uh, Roger, will you
please excuse us?

Three's a crowd.

Good-bye, Wilbur,

and I'd like to send her
a card on Mother's Day.

Uh, Miss Hoblock,

why don't we sit down and
put our cards on the table, huh?

Oh, now, just relax, son.

Why, that's a strong perfume.

It's called Widow's Delight.

Now, what was on your mind?

Oh, I wanted to talk to
you about what's-his-name.

Uh, about my father.

[clears throat]

Miss Hoblock,

don't you think that my
father is a little too old for you?

And after all, he is 70.

Well, a man is
as old as he feels.

How old are you, Wilby?

Now now now, that
is beside the point.

20? 21?

Maybe a few years older.

Besides, what difference
does it make how old people are

if they're really in love?

Yes, but a girl as
beautiful as you,

surely she can attract
a much younger man.

But younger men just
don't have the security

to offer a girl.

That's not true.

Yes, they can offer a girl

security and affection
and companionship.

My, you're certainly making
me an interesting offer.

But, I... I... I
beg your pardon.

You are younger than
your... What's-his-name?

Uh, father.

J-J-Just a minute.

And you're much
cuter than he us.

Now, Miss Hoblock,
I'm a married man.

Then why are you
holding me in your lap?

Huh? Oh, that. No, no, you see.

You were coming along,
and you pushed me...

Oh.

Kissing the bride a
little early, aren't you?

[tries to laugh]

Please, Miss Hoblock.

I was just telling her that she's
far too young for what's-his-name.

M-M-My father. My father.

Too young for your
father, but just right for you.

Yeah. No!

- Carol...
- Mrs. Post, you don't understand.

It all started out as a joke,

but, well, I'm afraid
it got carried away.

It certainly did.

Embarrassing me
in front of my friends.

And witnesses.

But you don't understand.

Wilbur, I'm sure there's a
simple explanation for this,

and I wish I could
help you think of one.

Hello, folks.

Hello, Daddy.

Don't you "Daddy" him.

Why shouldn't my daughter

"Daddy" the man
I'm going to marry?

Your daughter is... Marry you?

Folks, I'd like you to
meet my future bride...

Emma Hoblock.

And her daughter Penny.

W... You mean,
she's... and she's...

and... and you're... Oh.

Oh.

Wilbur, you're always
jumping to conclusions.

This time I thought
I'd teach you a lesson.

Yes, Dad.

Would you show me again
how to buckle my knickers?

[laughing]

I don't know about you,

but I'm glad I'm a horse.

Hey, Ed, wasn't that
a beautiful wedding?

[whimpering]

What are you crying for?

I always cry at weddings.

Aw, sentimental, huh?

No. I was the only one
there without a tuxedo.

[laughs] Oh, Ed.

[Ed sniffles]

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪