01x14 - Nicole in Charge

[bunniefuu]

...I know. I know.

I don't understand.
This is the third day

in a row we're having
breakfast at Klawicki's.

How come we don't have breakfast
at the loft anymore?

All our cereal's
expiring.

Good morning.
What can I get for you?

I knew it couldn't
be the food.

Patti Ann. Is it your shift
this morning?

What a surprise.

Well, I like to keep the
afternoons open for auditions.

Oh? You been getting
any work?

Well, I'd rather be
doing theater work,

but I did get an audition
for a commercial last week.

It was for dishwashing liquid,

and all they needed of me
was up to my wrists.

Well, you know, a poet
once said that,

the, uh, eyes are
the windows to the soul.

You know, I think the wrists
are the windows to the arms.

Check, please.

Oh, hey, judge.
I didn't see you.

How are you?

I don't know.
You tell me.

[???]

NICOLE:
This is me, Nicole Bradford.

Cute, huh?

This is my Dad.
And this is my Dad.

How'd I get two dads?
They inherited me.

Congratulations.
It's a girl.

Here's the judge
who brought us together.

She lives in our building.
My building. I own it.

NICOLE:
we're one big happy family,

with one dad
who's down-to-earth,

and one dad with
his head in the clouds.

I-- I think we're
father of the year.

? You can count on me
No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? I'm standing by your side
I'll be right behind ?

? No one loves you
More than I do ?

? Put your hand in mine ?

? You can count on me
No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? You can count on me ?

Okay. Magellan.

Born , d*ed .

Didn't fall off the world.
Give me another one.

Right. Uh, Pizzaro.

Born , d*ed .

Conquered the Incas.
Ask me anything.

Vasco da Gama.

Born , d*ed ,
appointed King of England,

invented baseball, th
president of the United States.

Boy, when you're wrong,
you're wrong.

Listen to this,
because it's unbelievable.

You're not going to believe it,
because I can't believe it.

There's this guy at work,
George Blankenship, great guy.

Everybody says he's a lucky guy

'cause he got
the Slocum Steel account.

You know how lucky he is?

I'll tell you how
lucky he is: he's dead.

Some guy d*ed at your office?

It was between me and him
for Executive of the Month.

He must've been working
all night,

'cause they found him
this morning at his desk,

slumped over
the Slocum proposal.

Ooh, that's gonna be
hard to b*at.

Hi, Nicole.
Hey, Cory, how ya doin'?

Hi, Dad.
Oh, we're doing good, sir.

See, Nicole and I have this deal
where I help her with explorers

for her history test
and she supposedly helps me

with algebra
for my math test.

We'll get
to algebra tomorrow.

Nicole, you said
that yesterday.

I think you're going to pass
your test and end up

at a great college and I'll be
cashier at a supermarket

who gets fired 'cause
he can't even make change.

Well, I got homework of my own
to get started on.

Can't you relax first, Dad?

I don't want you to ever end up
slumped over your desk.

Don't worry. That was
probably some real old guy

whose time was up,
right, Mikey?

Actually, Joe,
he was our age.

Your age?

How could that happen
to somebody your age?

Aren't you young anymore?

[SCOFFS]
I'm young, Nicole.

You don't see me buying my pants
with more room, do you?

Besides, this guy was
much different than me.

He was a type A personality.
Obsessive compulsive workaholic.

He was nothing
at all like me. Quiet.

I have a great
family history.

Everybody lived to be a ripe
old age, except my Uncle Milt

who had a heart att*ck
at ,

but he was dating a year old
belly dancer at the time.

It was his goal
to go out that way.

You know, maybe it
wouldn't be a bad idea

for you to come to the gym
with me a couple nights a week

and get yourself
back in shape.

What do you mean,
"get myself back in shape"?

Myself never left.

Myself happens to be
in great shape.

I'm just saying you're in
a high-stress business

and maybe you should start
taking better care

of yourself, like me.

Michael's not sick. You're not
sick, are you, Michael?

I'm a bull.
I am the picture of health.

Joey wishes he was
as healthy as I am.

Hey, my laundry's
as healthy as you.

You think you're in
as good shape as me?

Why shouldn't I be? Oh,
because you're taller than I am?

That's a liability, pally.
I'll tell you why.

Your heart is farther away
from your feet,

so at the end of your life, the
blood don't go there anymore.

So you're gonna have to sit
with your feet elevated.

That's a medical fact
that I just made up.

Hey, I got one word for you.

Ha, ha.
Challenge match.

Ooh, ooh, I can't believe
you remember that.

What are you talking about?
What challenge match?

It was . Michael and I,
we've always been

two different people,
but in one thing

we're exactly the same.

Racquetball. No matter how
many games we play,

we always break even.
Yeah, yeah.

The championship match was
our world series

to decide once and for all
whether Michael Taylor

or Joey Harris was the
Racquetball Champion of Life.

So who won?

We never ended up playing.
No.

How come?

'Cause we challenged each other
on the beach in Florida.

We were supposed to play
as soon as we got back

from that summer vacation...

but a funny thing happened.

Was that when
you met my mother?

That's right.

Another competition
where we ended up even.

So we got some unfinished
business, buddy,

on the racquetball court, huh?

Say, a week from today.
Mr. Taylor?

If you're in shape for it.

You're on, fool.

Fool.

[???]

What am I, nuts?

Good morning, judge.

Coffee.

Coming up.

Papers.

Times, News--

Racing form.

Anybody seen my dads
yet this morning?

I got a note from each of them
saying they'd see me later,

and all the eggs
were gone.

[SIGHS]

Boy, waking up with the sun
and running five miles

around a reservoir,
no better way to start your day.

I don't know
when I've felt better.

Judge.

Honey. Hi.

Good morning,
and what can I get for you?

I'll have a stretcher.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I'm gonna...

[CHUCKLES]

I feel like I'm gonna run
a couple more miles.

That workout at the gym
didn't put me through the paces.

Save it, Joey. I was at the gym
this morning. I saw you there.

Oh, really?
I didn't see you there.

That's because you were
hyperventilating

and you had a bag
on your head.

That wasn't a bag.

That was a gym hat.

Hey, you guys, what'd I tell you
about talking to my sister?

Klawicki, we gotta talk
to her, she's the waitress.

You're not hitting on her?

No, we're too tired.

Michael, you don't
look too good.

No, I'm okay.

You look sick.

You didn't have my
Catch of the Day, did you?

'Cause it was from last week.

Michael, you do look
really pale.

Maybe I just better go upstairs
to the loft

and lie down
for a little while.

Aah...

Hey, Michael,
what's the matter?

Ow...

Nothing to panic
about, Joe,

but would you just call
an ambulance, please?

[???]

Well, come on, lay down.
Don't be a hero, lie down.

I don't want to lay down.
I want to sit up.

I don't have to lie down.

Lie down.

Right.

And I would appreciate it
if you would wait outside.

Do I have to?

You should do
what the doctor says.

He's the doctor.
He knows best.

You too.

You all right?

Yeah, it's okay, go ahead.

Hey, I'll see you
on the racquetball court.

He's gonna be okay,
right, Doc?

If you gotta take his shirt off,
make sure you hang it up, okay?

'Cause if it gets wrinkled,
he gets real upset.

I love you.

[PANTS]

I love you too.

Doctor?
Yes?

Am I going to live?

Yes, Mr. Taylor.

What's the matter with me?

Well, you have
a radiating pain

caused by inflammation
of the stomach.

Particularly
the stomach lining.

Is that going
to shorten my lifespan?

It shouldn't.

Is there a name that
this condition goes by?

Yes, there is.

What is it?

Gas.

Gas?

Well, you can call
it gastritis, if you want.

How exactly does
one get that?

What exactly did one have
to eat this morning?

Five eggs.

And then what?

I ran five miles.

Don't do that.

[???]

My dads are old.

Both of them.

What?

In this book, it says
that at our age,

new cells are being
produced faster

than the old cells
are dying.

But at my dads' age, the old
cells are dying faster

than new ones
can be produced.

Well, then we don't
have much time.

So teach me algebra.

No, don't you see
what this means?

Every day there's
a little less of my dads.

I mean, how many cells could
they possibly have left?

I wouldn't know, Nicole.
I'm flunking Math.

Hey, hey, Cory,
how ya doin'?

Hey, Nick. Hey, listen.

I want you guys to be extra
specially nice to Michael, okay?

Why?

Because he
is a dead man. Ha, ha.

Tomorrow at
at the Racquetball Center,

I am going to wipe
the court with him.

The world championship of
the loft will belong to me.

You're still gonna play
this crazy match?

Why can't you just go to
the park and take a nice walk?

Hey, he knows
he's gonna lose too.

He's gonna try
to psych me out.

He's gonna come in with
this cough.

[IMITATES COUGHING]

And I'll say,
"Hey, Michael, you okay"?

He'll say, "Sure,
never felt better in my life."

[IMITATES COUGHING]

And then I'm gonna feel
sorry for him.

I'm gonna give him a break,
and he's gonna nail me.

That's his plan. But it's not
gonna work. Uh-uh. Never works.

[GIGGLES]
I own him. I own him.

Joey, Michael just got out
of the hospital.

Sweetheart, you heard what
the doctor said.

He's going to be fine.

No, I didn't hear the doctor.

The doctor threw us
out of the room.

How do we know
what he told Michael?

How do we know he's okay?

Hello, hello.

Hi, sweetheart.
Hey, hey, Cory, how ya doin'?

Fine, Mr. Taylor.
How are you?

Never felt better.

[COUGHS]

Come on, hey,
tell Nicole you're okay.

Uh, my shoulder's
a little sore,

but I don't think
it'll slow me down.

Ooh, you're not gonna
get one single point off me.

Uh, Nicole...

Guys, I have to talk
to both of you right now.

Sure, Nick,
what is it?

I don't know how
to put this, but...

you're decaying.

Your bodies have
to work harder every day

just to do the same things.

You're losing percent
of your elasticity every year,

and you've got bones
like twigs.

Nicole, where are you
getting all this?

From these medical books.

Encyclopedia
of Human Physiology

and Disease Pathology.

I read that. I read that.
The guy dies in the end, right?

It's not funny.

You guys aren't as young
as you think you are anymore.

I don't want you to play
this crazy match tomorrow.

I want you to go see a movie
and eat popcorn without salt.

Hey, Nick, it's just
a racquetball game.

Racquetball is dangerous
for people your age.

There's walls,
and you're so brittle.

Nicole, we're
very experienced.

We know where those walls
are at all times,

and if we hit them,
we promise we won't shatter.

Why can't you
just play one game?

Because it's the world series.
It's seven games.

Well, seven's too many
for Michael.

Why does he have
to strain himself?

What are you two,
in cahoots?

He's a young man,
he's fine,

and I'm gonna b*at
the hell out of him.

I don't want you to play.

MICHAEL: Why not?
Because you had a warning.

The doctor just warned me
not to eat and run.

You were in a hospital.

I don't want you
being in hospitals.

Why do you have to play if
it's going to make me worry?

Is it so important
who's better than who?

All right, Nicole,
we won't play.

We won't?

We won't?
No.

Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Cory, let's go to Klawicki's
and split a milkshake.

Split a milkshake?

Good.

Division.

Let's go.

She's still worried
about you.

She's afraid you play
this match, it's gonna k*ll you.

She's got the right
to be sensitive.

She already
lost one parent.

She's only got two left.

So why should we make
her worry, anyway?

And I never want
to make her worry.

I do, however,
enjoy having a life.

So you have a life. We play
tomorrow, just don't tell her.

That's not nice.

When you were Nicole's age,
and your dad

had a rough few months,
and there's no money coming in,

the mortgage payment's due,
and the bank's saying

they're gonna take
the house back,

did your parents
make you worry?

So, what you're saying is,
sometimes ignorance is bliss.

No, Michael, if I wanted to use
a cheap cliché, I would've.

No, what I'm saying is,
what good is it to worry

a -year-old kid?

I mean, she sees life
through -year-old eyes.

As far as she's concerned,
we're old.

Remember how old we used
to think was?

Now I'm , and I've got
a little bit more perspective

and I realize you're not
old until you're like .

We're not-- We're not
decaying, are we?

Of course not.

I thought I was getting some
gray hairs up here

the other day, but
I realized it was the way

the light was hittin' it.

You know the light's hittin' it
pretty good on this side too.

And the back-- Woo!
Absolutely blinding.

In fact, if gray hair
is dead hair,

you have a graveyard
for a head.

At least my chin
doesn't flap.

I'm sorry.
What was that?

No, nothing.

You just said
something about my chin.

No, I said that, uh,
sometimes when you talk,

you know, the skin right here
just kind of flaps.

[LAUGHS]
Hey, my skin does not flap.

No. How do we know
your skin doesn't flap?

Maybe that's why you grew
the beard. You're covering up.

Hey, hey, hey.
I am in great shape, huh.

I am proud of my body.

Yeah, and every day
there's just

a little bit
more to be proud of.

Flap, flap.
Hey.

Flap, flap, flap.
Hey.

Listen, graveyard head.

One hour with me on
the racquetball court,

you're gonna be flapping out
of the other side of your mouth.

Oh, an hour? An hour?
That's as long as you can go?

That's as long as it'll take.
Best of seven, bud.

World championship
of the loft.

Done. Tomorrow.

Done.

Hey, judge.
How was your day?

I know the jury is going to come
in with a guilty verdict,

and I'm all prepared to go
easy on the sentence

because that's the merciful
kind of gal I am.

And I'm feeling real good
about my lenient disposition,

and then they
find him innocent,

and now I'm in the mood
for something fried.

Mr. Klawicki.
A double ice cream sundae

with extra fudge and nuts.

You got it.

It's for Cory.
His Algebra test was today.

I never helped him.

He may flunk.
He may blame me.

Aw, that sweet
little boy.

Nicole, it's my job
to know people,

and you have nothing
to worry about.

I may have to find
another line of work.

Everything's fine.

It's over. And I'm fine.

Sixty questions on the test,
and I answered three.

But now I can look
to the future.

It's not much of a future

because you never
really bounce back

from failing
seventh-grade math.

But after repeating
junior high school

three or four times,
I'm sure there's some

fine Central American college
I can get into like

Vasco da Gama Tech.

This is mine, right?

It's got extra fudge
and nuts.

Thanks.

Hi, everybody.
Where've you been?

I was at the gym.
I just couldn't leave.

Everybody was watching
Michael and Joey.

The world series
of the loft.

It was tied to . I stayed
for the whole fifth game.

They were playing?

Yes, and I can't wait
to find out who wins.

The way they were
going at it,

it's gonna be
whoever's still standing.

[???]

Aah!

You guys, you guys.

You were awesome.

That wasn't a match,
it was-- It was a w*r.

It was a battle
of gladiators.

Can you move?

No.

We live here now.

I've never seen so much
sweat on a court.

They're out there
with squeegees right now.

Legendary.

I came here to play tonight,
but, I mean, I'm not going to

because I have just seen
this sport at its ultimate.

Thank you.

I'm going in to the steam room
now and be proud to be a man.

Thank you.

I wouldn't mind hitting
the steam room myself.

Oh, good.
Bring me some, will ya?

[GROANING]

Hey, Joe?

What?

I'm years old.

Yep.

These are my arms.

And these are my legs.

You know what?
What?

I look pretty damn good.

Uh-huh.

Especially this arm.
You know why?

Why?
'Cause this...

is the arm
that holds the hand

that held the racquet
that scored the point

that b*at you, Joe.

I am the champion
of the world.

And you...
are a graveyard head.

[GIGGLES]

[GROANING]

Look at that body,
will ya? Yeah.

The hell
we're brittle. Ha!

We are big.
We are strong.

We got hair.
We are men.

[BOTH LAUGHING, GROWLING]

Hi. Hi, honey.

You know, you're not supposed
to be in here.

Michael,
what are you doing?

What are you doing?
Look at you.

You're sweating.
You're breathing hard.

You're gonna have
another heart att*ck.

Sweetheart, I-I didn't
have a heart att*ck.

Hey, Nick. There's no danger.
He's fine.

Yeah, you told me and he'll be
dead in three months.

Because that's
how it works.

That's how what works?

"Don't worry,
the doctor says I'm fine.

I just need rest and
I'll be back on my feet."

You know where
I heard that before?

The hospital
my mother was in.

They sent me out
of the room then too.

That's what they call
protecting the daughter.

I just got you guys.

I don't want to lose you
for a long, long, time.

Sweetheart,
I am really sorry

about what happened
to you then.

But the doctor really did
tell me I'm okay.

Really. In fact, he told me
to get some exercise.

Would I lie to you?

You told me you weren't going
to play racquetball.

Would I lie to you twice?

Nick, we only just--
We just said that to you

because we knew
you were upset.

We knew that it was
okay to play,

we didn't want you
to worry.

Just be honest with me, okay?

Even if you think
it's gonna make me worry.

Because I'd rather worry
and know the truth.

Nick, you are absolutely
right. We're wrong.

I was wrong to even think that
I could keep anything from you.

And from now on, nothing,
but the truth, okay?

Nothing, but the truth,
starting right now.

Michael,
I let you win.

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, right, right.

As you were diving desperately
as my blistering serve

rocketed past
those graying temples

Guys--
Yeah.

I would've had it
if my racquet hadn't got caught

in the flap of your chin.
Guys.

You want to go
back out there, bud?

Rematch, bud.
Guys.

BOTH:
What?

One more
honest question...

What?

Are you gonna keep
arguing like this

for years and years
and years?

And years.

Good. Hit the showers.

[???]

[???]