02x05 - Fallen Idol

[bunniefuu]

(WHISTLING)

(CONTINUES WHISTLING)

How do I look?

Better.

This is a
facial masque.

I want to look good when
Malcolm O'Dell gets here.

Oh, well you look good, in a,
uh, post nuclear sort of way,

I'd wash it off if
out of the bathroom.

Hey, get outta
the bathroom!

Don't hate me
because I'm beautiful.

Look, I didn't exactly
you-know-who coming today.

You know how he
his eccentricities.

Yeah. You get this weird
reaction from Michael

if you even say
the name Malcolm.

MICHAEL: Ow!

I just got this deep,
stabbing pain in my ear.

Ah!

Joey, look! It's...
It's a woman thing!

That's a facial masque.

Hey, these products help us
keep our natural healthy look.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi.

Honey, we love you just the
way you are. Don't change.

Shelby, great outfit!

Yeah, really, with the
leather and the chain links

and the spikes.

You see this? No!

This? This is just a little
something I threw on

in case a major rock star
happens by today. Where is he?

Where's who?

SHELBY: Malcolm.

Ow!

Malcolm powder. Er,
another woman thing.

You know, you sprinkle
it on, you smell good.

And it's my friend,

and it's only gonna be
its next album.

Oh, no. It's back!

(BELL RINGS)
Oh, no, it's here!

He can't be here.

I'm not ready!

I am.

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

Miss me?
Ow!

? You can count on me

? No matter what you do

? You can count on me

? No matter where you go

? I'm standing by your side

? I'll be right behind

? No one loves you
more than I do

? Put your hand in mine

? I can see
a part of me in you

? A little something special
that comes shining through

? I hear it in your laughter

? And I feel it when you cry

? I will be right
there for you

? Until the day I die

? You can count on me

? No matter what you do

? You can count on me

? No matter where you go

? You can count on me ?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So, huh? Is it true
what they say?

Is it lonely
Well, ask them.

Ask who?

Entourage!

Who are these
people, please?

That's my business
manager, road manager,

personal manager,
and a gaggle of tarts.

So, where's my
little Nicole at?

Hi.

Nicole?

Is this you?

(GIGGLES)
this little girl,

not this gorgeous
woman standing here.

Well, you'll just have
to take me for what I am.

Oh, it's great to
see you. (LAUGHS)

Hey, listen, get some clothes
on. We're out of here.

Be right back.
Come on, Shelby.

So, Malcolm,

last time you were
here, you were this

struggling, irresponsible,
kind of a bum.

But now you're a big
successful rock star,

and I gotta ask you...

When are you leaving?

Come on, Mikey.

No, no, I understand.
I used to be a real idiot.

But now I've settled
and comfortably.

We're a little tog calm and
then, aren't we, mate?

Joe, Michael,

allow me to introduce
Dennis Bernard,

personal manager and...
And Jiminy Cricket.

Hello.

I'm just doing what you
pay me to do, Malcolm.

Trying to keep you out
of the discount bins.

Which is proving
rather difficult

considering it's
been eight months

and the new album
is nowhere in sight.

There are two
dozen low-life

degenerates running
around my building,

which can only
mean one thing.

Malcolm, you've
returned to me.

Megs, my pet.
You are a vision.

I know.

We're ready! Let's go!
Where are we going?

Well, that's right.
Where are we going?

Oh, you'll love it.

It's called the
recording studio,

where we'll be
working all afternoon.

Hey, hey, Dennis, Dennis,

don't make me go
in there, okay?

Er, my friends don't want to
spend the whole day in a...

In a recording studio.

Everyone's been dying for
your new record, Malcolm.

Your fans are
waiting, Malcolm.

Sooner or later
you've got to go in.

Okay, Mother.

Entourage! We're
outta here!

Oh, no, Nicole,
don't worry about us.

Just, just pretend
we're not here.

Oh, wait, you
did. (LAUGHS)

I guess that leaves
us all alone, huh?

What do you
want to do today?

I hear there's a Fellini
festival at the Waverley.

So everything's set
to go at the studio,

and all the musicians
and Malcolm says,

"I want waffles."

So we went to
Wally's Waffle World

and they named
a waffle after him!

Hey, I'll tell you, something
is not right with him.

I mean, it used to be
him out of the studio.

But now that he's rich,
famous, successful,

it's like you
can't get him in.

And so Malcolm's
to sing something,

and Malcolm said he'd rather
hear me sing something,

so I sang something!
I could die!

We've been supplanted Joe.

Overthrown in our
daughter's affections.

A... A coup d'dad.

She's a fan, guys.

Come on, you gotta
to idolize somebody.

What, you had an idol?

(SCOFFS) No. I was
the object of idolatry

I played pro ball
for years.

You think I didn't
have any fans?

Okay, a guy named Leon.

But he was important to me.

I mean, I'd come out
a tough game, and

there he'd be, sitting
on his blanket,

wearing his lucky
huntin' cap,

one flap up, one flap
down. (LAUGHS)

Then he had this sign that
said, "Go Ed." (LAUGHS)

It was usually
misspelled,

but Leon was always
there for me,

city after city
after city,

until I got traded
to Green Bay,

and he
couldn't find it,

I think what Ed's
trying to say

is that since he was
presence in Leon's life,

that Leon's dads maybe felt
a little underappreciated too.

That's not what
Yes, it was.

See, as you guys
know, parenting

can sometimes be
a thankless task.

And Malcolm said
go on tour with him!

Wouldn't, that be great?
I could follow him

from city to city for
the rest of my life!

Don't worry, Joe. We'll show
her. We'll have another child.

Goodnight, Dads. See
you in the morning.

Goodnight, sweetie.
Hey, Nick?

Hey, how about you
come down here

and you eat ice cream
with us and watch TV, huh?

With us.

Thanks, Dads,
but I'm exhausted,

I am asleep on my feet.

I just want to lie in
my day with Malcolm.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Let's b*at him up.

Nah, Michael,
he's my friend,

I'll b*at him up.

Hey, you don't fool me.
about him, aren' t you?

I mean, why does a guy
that loves what he's doing

all of a sudden start
trying to avoid it?

My mom and dad said that
business, that I'd fail.

Now, they were off by
several million dollars, but

they knew what they
were talking about.

Malcolm, you're
back! I'm so glad!

I'm not as tired as
I thought. (CHUCKLES)

I have these posters that
I need you to autograph

for my friends,
I kinda promised them.

I hope you don't mind.

You can tell
your friends this.

There won't be anymore albums.

They'll be no more cassettes
and no more CDs.

What do you mean?

I mean, you've picked
the wrong horse, Nicole.

I mean, I can't come up
because you want me to.

Hey, hey, come on,
calm down, pal.

Don't you get it, Joe?

I'm scared that I can't
top my first album.

I'm scared that I don't
have it anymore.

There's nothing
in my head!

There's no words!
It's empty!

Hey, don't worry
about it. Come on.

Hey. Look, if it's not
there, it's not there.

I mean, look, you and
time, right? (CHUCKLES)

It's gonna come.
It always does.

No, not this time.

Look, I've walked
out of the studio.

I fired my manager.
Look, I'm giving it up.

You mean, you're never
gonna do any more songs?

Hey, Nick, maybe we should
let Malcolm be alone and

we'll see him in
the morning, okay?

Look, Joe, I've
done a lot of living,

and I put all that
into my first album.

And now they want
another album on demand,

and I... I'm sorry!

There's nothing on
me at the moment.

You can't do that, though.
You're just not trying.

You just have to go
back in there and try.

You can do it.
I know you.

You don't know me.

You don't know
me at all. You...

You know some
article in a magazine.

Look, you know
this guy.

Well, let me tell
you something.

This guy is finished.

He's dead.

You can tell your
friends that, too.

You've...
and you've k*lled him.

Hey, Nick,

look he doesn't
him personally.

He's just feeling
a lot of pressure.

And he's afraid that he's
not gonna be able to...

To deliver to his
of his biggest fans.

You gotta
believe that.

Well, I'm never gonna
believe in anybody again,

I mean, the one guy
was so perfect...

I felt so special because
I actually knew him.

And all my friends think
he's so great, but now I know.

He really isn't.

Sweetheart, do you think
it's possible that may...

Maybe you're
overreacting a little bit?

Apparently not.

Please go away.

I'm inconsolable.

So, to recap,

as far as Nicole's
concerned, Malcolm is out,

and we're back in.

Now, now, I realize,
person would feel

some compassion for
the man, but, uh,

I'm very petty
and I have to laugh.

You want your daughter
to worship you?

Never happen.
Know why?

You're her father.

You're around
all the time.

She's seen you in
your boxer shorts.

Face it, It's your thankless
back together again.

You're... You're wrong.

About what?

I don't wear
boxer shorts.

I wear jockeys.

Me, too.

I don't really
want to know that.

Well, he's asleep,
she's depressed.

What do we do?

We write a song.

Oh.

Oh, and why
do we do that?

Follow me, Joe.
Malcolm needs a song.

Nicole needs Malcolm
to have a song.

So what's missing?
We provide that.

We write a song,
we say it's from him.

She feels great,
he's terrific, we're nothing.

Where's the flaw?

We don't write songs.

Why must you
be so negative?

This song is gold,
Joe. This is gold.

Platinum.
This is a platinum...

What comes after
platinum? Plutonium!

This is plutonium.

Joey and Michael,
the White Album.

We rhymed "Holiday" with
"What the collies say."

It's plutonium, baby.

Let's play it again.
I'd like to play it again.

Do we have to?
Yes, we have to.

Come on. Sound check.

Sound check. Test, one,
two. Hello. One, two.

Hello. Good
evening. One, two.

One.
One, two.

(PLAYING KEYBOARD)

Wanna do the thing.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(PLAYING KEYBOARD)

? I see you're down
in the dumps

? Like a clown with the mumps

? Well, don't you he that way,

? Because today is the day

? Stop being depressed

? Yeah, baby stop
being depressed

? Give your blues a holiday

? Do lang, do lang, do lang.

? That's what the
happy collies say

? Do wop, do wop

? Stop being depressed

? Now tell your friends
to go get dressed?

? Oh baby,

? Put on that smile and
slip into that grin

? Because now it's
of that lousy mood

? That you've been in
there's a bunch of cherries

? Sitting in your life's
of fruit, Nicole

? Nicole

? Nicole ?

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo!

I wanna play this for
play it for Nicole.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey,
wait, wait, wait.

Ah, man, ah, man.
You... You heard that?

What are you two
guys up to then?

What do you
Don't ask him that.

Hey, you wouldn't have
that I could use, would you?

I told you! This
is a great song!

You see, I've been having
this problem lately.

It's called no inspiration.

I forgot, you can't just
good song, you know.

You can't?

No, no, no.

It's got to come from a...
From a special place.

Yeah, like right
here, right?

Like here, Among friends.

Where you. can catch your
breath again, you know?

Where you can
find yourself.

JOEY: Hey,

welcome back.

Thanks, mate.

But... But you did...
You liked the song, right?

Loved it.

Yeah, just...
I'll tell you what.

Why don't you let me
just polish it up a bit?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean, polish?

(CHUCKLES) Well,
well you know, polish.

You just want
Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's...
(CHUCKLES)

Hey,

thanks, mate.

You're a pal.

What are pals for, huh?

(LAUGHING)

Great, Goofy, you just
gave him plutonium!

Fine, fine.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

I don 't want to talk
to anybody, okay?

It's not anybody.

Hi, Judge.

Come on out.

I don't feel
like it right now.

Yes, you do.

What's going on?

Hello, Soho!

It's great to be back!

You may have heard that
I'd taken leave of my head.

Well, this is a vicious
rumor, and no longer true.

I'd like to kick off the set

with a little song
that goes out

to a very special
young lady.

I think she may be
in the crowd tonight.

I believe I see her.

Nicole...

This song's for you.

Are you ready,
Mr. Piano?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

? I can remember

? The first time I
gazed into your eyes

? You looked at me and smiled

? Child I went wild,
I was hypnotized

? Well, I'm still here
at your command

? But I need you to understand

? Oh, Nicole,

? Oh, Nicole,

? Girl you know I didn't
mean to hurt you so.

? Oh, Nicole, Oh, Nicole,

? Give me one more
chance, baby please don't

? Go, Nicole.

? With the faces of strangers
my only companions,

? I was so alone

? How could
I sing about love

? When I had no friend
to call my own.

? Well, I hope you can
find your way free

? To please be that
friend to me.

? Oh, Nicole, oh, Nicole,

? Girl you know I didn't
mean to hurt you so.

? Oh, Nicole, oh, Nicole,

? Give me one more chance,
baby please don't go, Niccole

? Oh, Nicole, oh, Nicole,

? Girl you know I didn't
mean to hurt you so.

? Oh, Nicole, oh, Nicole,

? Please keep on believing
in that rock and roll, Nicole,

? Oh, Nicole

? Oh, Nicole ?

I liked our
version better.

I'm taking this down
to the studio right now.

I'll expect you there
in minutes, Malcolm.

Hey, thanks, Dennis.
Hey, by the way,

you're rehired.

I am? It must be Tuesday.

Oh, by the way,
Mr. Taylor, Mr. Harris,

you've got a
lovely daughter.

That was the best song
I have ever heard in my life!

Nicole, as much
as I like that look, don't.

What look?
That one.

The one with the wide
adoring eyes that says,

"Malcolm, you can
do no wrong."

Well, I can, Nicole.

And when I do, I need a
friend who'll understand.

And that's why I've come
here, to be with my friends.

Friends?

Friends. (CHUCKLES)

Mission accomplished.

Yep, we're back to
zilch. We're nothing.

We don't exist.

Too bad.

Because of Nicole's
dads were still here,

I'd offer them a
rare moment of praise.

But they're not.

Too bad.

Before I go, I'd like you
to know that the inspiration

for that song and many
of its actual lyrics,

were contributed by my...

My two co-writers and my...

My dear mates, Joey
"Slow Hand" Harris.

All right.
Master" Taylor.

Well, I gotta be off.

Hey, Malcolm, now...

Now that you're leaving,
I gotta ask you a question.

When are you coming back?

Well, rock and roll stars
don't say goodbye.

They...
three and a half minutes.

You wrote a song
with Malcolm?

Yeah.

You didn't think your fathers
were that talented, did you?

As a matter of fact,

we wrote another
if I could just sing it.

Run!

(MUSIC PLAYING)