08x07 - Luck Be a Lady

[bunniefuu]

PREVIOUSLY ON ONE TREE HILL

SYLVIA: Trick or treat!

BROOKE: Can I help you?

SYLVIA: Is my son here?

BROOKE: Oh, please, God, no.

MIA: Hey. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry Alex left town.

CHASE: Look, we both know you wanted her gone. And now she's gone. Just do me a favor... don't pretend you care, okay?

CLAY: I was thinking about what you said about that quarterback, Troy Jameson.

NATHAN: Yeah? You gonna talk to him?

CLAY: No. But you are.

NATHAN: I can't do that. I'm not an agent.

CLAY: Look, if you want to help me out with the agency, this is where you can start.

SYLVIA: So the reason that I came a few weeks early is that I want to help with the wedding. Financially.

JULIAN: Mom, what are you talking about?

SYLVIA: I'm gonna pay for everything. I'm gonna make this the wedding that you both always dreamed of.

HALEY: Crisis intervention.

ERIN: Hi. Haley?

HALEY: Hi. You haven't called in a while.

ERIN: I wanted to call, but I figured I shouldn't be wasting all your time. I'm not the only person with problems.

HALEY: Trust me. You're not wasting a second of my time.

ERIN: Slainte, Haley.

HALEY: Sorry?

ERIN: It means "cheers."

HALEY: Slainte, Erin.

HALEY: Hey. You were great... I mean really great.

ERIN: Thanks very much. Slainte.

HALEY: Cheers.

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Julian sees his documentary. Brooke joins him.

BROOKE: I wonder if they'd all be smiling if they knew you were filming them from the bushes.

JULIAN: I was just thinking about the wedding, and I realized I don't have a best man. Since I moved to Tree Hill, I've lived in this Brooke bubble, and I haven't gotten close to anyone else. Brooke?

BROOKE: Sorry. I was just trying to envision a Brooke bubble. Who was your best friend growing up?

JULIAN: Um...

(Sylvia comes)

SYLVIA: I was! Isn't that right? Ju-ju bee?

JULIAN: 10-4, big mama.

BROOKE: Okay, maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to have some male friends here. Why don't you bond with the guys today while I take your mom to the bridal expo?

JULIAN: I can't go? Not that I want to. It's just... Are you sure you're gonna be okay spending the whole day alone with my mom today?

BROOKE: Yeah. It beats spending the day with my mom in prison. Besides, she's almost as excited about our wedding as I am.

SYLVIA: Ready?

BROOKE: Mm.

SYLVIA: Okay.

BROOKE: Over and out, mama's boy.

SYLVIA: You look pretty.

PEYTON'S OFFICE

Chase come in with coffee.

CHASE: I thought you two could use a coffee break.

HALEY: Hey!

MIA: Thanks, Chase.

CHASE: Oh. I heard pregnant ladies can't drink coffee.

HALEY: Oh. Yeah. We can't. Juice would've been fine...that was really nice of you... glass of water.

CHASE: No problem. Let me know if you need anything else. Chase, out. Sorry.

HALEY: See you, buddy. So, things seem to be going really well with you guys.

MIA: Yeah, now that Alex is out of the way, I can finally talk to him again.

HALEY: Yeah. Oh, look... "knuckle-puss." Let's put that in the pre-hate file.

MIA: We're never gonna find another artist.

HALEY: Yes, we will. Okay. What about the girl from open-Mike night?

MIA: She was awesome. Why? Do you know her?

HALEY: Sort of. Her name's Erin.

MIA: Great. So get her in here.

HALEY: I would love to, but the only reason I know her is that she's been calling into the crisis center hotline. It's supposed to be anonymous.

MIA: But you know as well as I do that artists love to hear how great they are.

HALEY: Yeah. That's true. I think you're great.

MIA: You're so awesome.

CLINN'S HOUSE

Nathan enters in the house and sees Clay dancing.

CLAY: Quinn's out of town, man. What'd you expect?

NATHAN: Literally, anything else.

CLAY: Yeah. Hey, I got an interesting phone call this morning.

NATHAN: Yeah. Sorry about that. Jamie's been calling everybody about this frog he found.

CLAY: No, I... Jamie found a frog? That's awesome. No, but, uh... I just heard that Troy Jameson fired his agents. So if we want to sign him, we got to act fast.

NATHAN: Great. What can I do to help?

CLAY: I need you to fly to Atlanta and talk to the falcons' management.

NATHAN: I was thinking more along the lines of getting you something for lunch. There's no way I'm ready for something like that.

CLAY: Nate, all you got to do is go there and find out what's holding up Troy's contract. You'll be back in time for dinner. I mean, look, I would do it myself, but I'm under strict doctor's orders not to fly.

NATHAN: Yeah. You feeling any better?

CLAY: Yeah, you know, a little. You know, but it's still hard to move my right arm. So, that and the fact that Quinn's out of town is really k*lling my sex life.

NATHAN: Well, that's why I learned how to dribble with both hands.

MOUTH'S APARTMENT

Mouth wakes up. He sees a man in his bed. He screams. Skills have him a joke.

SKILLS: Oh, quiet, Mouth. Lucas had a rough night.

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Alex is back.

JULIAN: Alex, what are you doing here?

ALEX: I had a few days off, and I wanted to come visit. What are you up to today?

JULIAN: I was just gonna hang with the guys today.

ALEX: Yeah, right. In your dreams, buddy.

JULIAN: W...

CRISIS INTERVENTIONS

Haley is at her job.

HALEY: Yes, it was all just a dream. Mm-hmm. That's why the top kept spinning. Yes, it was a little long. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye. Crisis intervention.

ERIN: Haley?

HALEY: Erin? Hi. I'm so glad you called. How... how have you been? Uh, have you had any luck finding inspiration?

ERIN: Actually, yeah. I, uh... I got up and I sang at an open mike the other night. It felt great.

HALEY: Good. Um... Can I tell you something?

ERIN: Yeah.

HALEY: I was there. You said "slainte" to me before you left.

ERIN: What do you mean you were there?

HALEY: Well, Red Bedroom Records is my label. I own it. And I think you're great. I would love to meet with you sometime. I...

(She hangs up)

HALEY: Erin?

ONE TREE HILL - CREDITS

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Julian makes documentary about Alex.

ALEX Hi! My name is Alex Dupre. You might recognize me from tabloids, rehab, and Internet p*rn. But I also do an occasional movie.

JULIAN: Okay. Come on, Alex. Be serious.

ALEX: Um...not long ago, I... I tried to commit su1c1de.

JULIAN: Uh, okay, maybe not that serious.

ALEX: Okay. What do you want from me? I didn't come to town to be videotaped for your perv collection.

JULIAN: Okay, it's a documentary about what comes next for the people in my life.

ALEX: That sounds really boring, but that's not why I came back, either.

JULIAN: So why did you come back?

ALEX: To talk to Chase. I didn't like the way things ended with him.

JULIAN: Okay. Perfect. How did things end with Chase?

(Alex takes the camera of the hands to him)

ALEX: Let's see how you like it.

JULIAN: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm n... I'm not a part of the documentary.

ALEX: You are now. So, what's up with this need for sudden male bonding? Come on, Clarice. Quid pro quo.

JULIAN: Uh... I need to find a best man for my wedding.

WEDDING EXPO

Sylvia and Brooke are the exposition.

SYLVIA: Ohh! Well, what do you think?

BROOKE: I feel like bridezilla, and this is my little, unsuspecting Japanese village.

SYLVIA: Ah. Thank you. To you and your wedding.

BROOKE: Two of my favorite things.

SYLVIA: Ooh! Matt McGraw photography. They would be perfect for your wedding.

BROOKE: I'm sure, but I'm actually gonna ask my friend Quinn. She is an amazing photographer.

SYLVIA: Quinn? Quinn who?

BROOKE: Quinn James.

SYLVIA: I've never heard of it.

BROOKE: Okay, um...

SYLVIA: Hello. This is beautiful.

MOUTH'S APARTMENT

MOUTH: "It"?

SKILLS: Now, is that any way to talk about one of your oldest friends?

MOUTH: Sorry. Where did you get... Lucas?

SKILLS: We needed a stunt mannequin down at the job, so I had one made that look just like him.

MOUTH: You don't have one of me, do you?

SKILLS: Hell no. That would be weird. So, what's been up, man? You good? I was kind of hoping Millie would be here right now because Lucas wanted a three-way.

MOUTH: No, that ended when she went home with a gladiator. It was Halloween.

SKILLS: At least it wasn't the crow. You want to talk about it?

MOUTH: Not really.

SKILLS: You want to talk to Lucas about it?

MOUTH: No.

SKILLS: That's cold, man. Hey, look, at least we're here to cheer you up. We're going out, man, so go ahead and get dressed. But first, Lucas needs a bath.

MOUTH: Ugh.

CLUB TRIC

Mia talks with Chase.

MIA: Thanks again for the coffee.

CHASE: It was a peace offering for the way I've been acting lately.

MIA: Guilt coffee, huh? Yum!

(Alex comes in)

ALEX: Excuse me, bar manager. When you're done helping that little boy, can I get a drink? Can I talk to you? Alone.

CHASE: I don't think so. We're in the middle of something.

ALEX: Fine. Next time, I'll just text you.

CHASE: Don't bother.

ALEX: Sorry. I know that was hard for you. But... if you ever need to make that bitch jealous... I'm your girl.

CHASE: Thanks.

WEDDING EXPO

SYLVIA: Now, there are three things to consider when selecting a church. First is pew size.

BROOKE: Um, we are actually gonna have an outdoor wedding.

SYLVIA: Oh. No. No, no, no. What if it rains? No, my son and beautiful daughter-in-law will not be married in a tent like circus folk. You can't control mother nature.

BROOKE: Or mother Baker.

SYLVIA: And even if it's sunny, there will be bees.

BROOKE: Well...

SYLVIA: But I guess you could always hang salami.

BROOKE: That's what he said. Wait. What?

SYLVIA: Salami keeps away the bees.

BROOKE: But wouldn't that look awful?

SYLVIA: You're right. That's why we should have it inside.

BROOKE: But...

PEYTON'S OFFICE

Haley arrives, Mia is here.

MIA: Hey!

HALEY: Hey.

MIA: Hey, you'll never guess who came in today.

HALEY: Erin?

MIA: Alex.

HALEY: Oh.

MIA: Yeah. She wanted to talk to Chase, and he blew her off.

HALEY: Nice. I think you should talk to Chase and see if you can convince him to give her another chance.

MIA: Hello? Why would I do that?

HALEY:I don't know. I'm just trying to give you the same quality advice that you gave me earlier. Open-mike night? Crisis center girl? Is any of that ringing a bell?

MIA: Okay.

HALEY: Yeah, I talked to her today. I took your advice and told her how great I thought she was. And she hung up on me.

MIA: Oh. Whoops.

HALEY: "Whoops" is right.

MIA: Well, Haley, you're the counselor. I mean, you should never listen to a musician for help out of a crisis. We're usually the ones in a crisis.

HALEY: I'm a musician, too.

MIA: Probably part of the problem.

GYMNASIUM

Nathan meets Troy's agent.

AGENT: Nathan Scott. I got to say it's strange discussing a football player's deal with a basketball player.

NATHAN: Retired basketball player.

AGENT: Yeah, I was sorry to hear that, but I can't say I was sorry to see you go. You gave our hawks a bit of trouble last season.

NATHAN: Well, hopefully I can make that up to you by getting Troy onto the field.

AGENT: That'd be nice. We're trying hard on our end, but his former agents didn't exactly help his situation.

NATHAN: And that's why they're his former agents. So, can you tell me where things broke down?

AGENT: We agreed on everything except for one-timers and escalators. What did you have in mind in terms of escalators?

Nathan calls Clay.

NATHAN: What do you think I said, Clay? The only escalator I know about is the one I'm riding down from the office where I looked like an idiot! Whatever. I'm coming home.

WEDDING EXPO

SYLVIA: Ohh. Here we go!

BROOKE: Oh, we can skip this section. I'm gonna make the bridesmaids dresses myself. I think all my girlfriends deserve a sexy Brooke Davis original.

SYLVIA: Sexy bridesmaid? Ohh. Those two don't go together. No, honey, the whole point is for them to look ugly so that you look pretty, right?

BROOKE: Well, I'm gonna look fine regardless. Sylvia, ugly bridesmaids dresses make me sad. They get one night out where they just get made fun of. And then it's off to the back of the closet, where they emerge as a bad joke on Halloween.

SYLVIA: Oh, g... look how ugly this one is. You're gonna look so beautiful.

PEYTON'S OFFICE

HALEY(at phone): And there are no messages? Oh, okay. Yeah. Thanks. Bye.

MIA: Maybe she's just busy. You know? I'm sure she'll call again.

HALEY: I'm sure she will... to tell my supervisor I violated the one rule that they have.

MIA: Haley, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm an idiot.

HALEY: It's not your fault. I just... I should've listened to that monkey. I'm the idiot.

(Nathan comes)

NATHAN: I looked like an idiot.

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Alex sees again Julian.

JULIAN: I doubt you looked that bad.

ALEX: Trust me. I did. I am never going to Tric again. And why does Mia always have to be there?

JULIAN: Uh, isn't her label there?

ALEX: Chase just flirted with her right in front of me. I mean, why do guys do stuff like that?

JULIAN: I have no idea.I'll ask the guys later today if I can figure out a way to bond with them.

ALEX: Guys aren't that tough to figure out, Julian. They like sex and poker. I go with sex, but I'd suggest you go with poker.

JULIAN: Hmm. Isn't it a little late for a poker game?

ALEX: So tell them it's for Clay. I mean, who'd turn that down? The guy almost d*ed.

JULIAN: That's genius. You're really good at trapping people.

ALEX: I know, right? Oh, and invite Chase and let me be the dealer. That will give me a chance to corner him without that troll lurking around.

JULIAN: Like, really good at trapping people.

PEYTON'S OFFICE

Nathan talks with Haley.

NATHAN: You should've seen the way he looked at me. I haven't felt that stupid since high school. And at least then I could b*at somebody up to feel better.

HALEY: Well, don't b*at yourself up. It was just your first try. Did you make the first basket you ever sh*t?

NATHAN: Yeah.

HALEY: Oh.

NATHAN: To be fair, I was 2, and the basket came up to my waist. But stats is stats.

HALEY: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I screwed up pretty bad with Erin today. She called in, and I told her I had seen her perform live, and she hung up on me.

NATHAN: I'm sorry, babe. So we're both a couple of screw-ups, then.

HALEY: Always and forever.

(Their phone ring)

HALEY: Brooke.

NATHAN: Julian.

HALEY: Hello?

WEDDING EXPO

Brooke calls Haley.

BROOKE: Get your prego ass to the wedding expo, pronto!

HALEY: Hi, Brooke. Love you too.

BROOKE: I'm serious. Julian's mom is out of control. She's making me try on tiaras and wedding dresses.

HALEY(at phone): I thought you were making your own.

BROOKE: Well, so did I, but apparently Sylvia doesn't care. She's even picking out the bridesmaids dresses. And she wants them to be ugly, Haley! On purpose!

HALEY(at phone): I'm on my way.

(They hang up)

SYLVIA: Ohh, you know what that dress is missing?

BROOKE: Style?

SYLVIA: That's right. A smile.

PEYTON'S HOUSE

HALEY: Well, I have another crisis to deal with, and if it's anything like this morning, Brooke's gonna cancel the wedding before tonight.

NATHAN: Sweet.

HALEY: Yeah.

NATHAN: I'm gonna gamble all our money away in a poker game.

HALEY: Rad! Screw-up superpowers activate.

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Julian calls everybody.

ALEX: Am I gonna have to give you a pep talk before every call? You act like you're asking these guys to prom.

JULIAN: I should've called Clay first. What if he says no? Then I have to call Nathan back.

ALEX: Wow, Julian, I haven't seen you this nervous since I took my clothes off in front of you. Just call, you wuss.

JULIAN: Okay. (at phone) Hey, Clay. It's "J." J-man.

CLAY(at phone): Jamie. What's up, little man? I heard you found a frog.

JULIAN(at phone): Um, no. It's Julian. Uh, Baker. Brooke's fiance. The movie guy. We hung out in Utah. Wait. Jamie found a frog? Um, anyway, uh, never mind. Um, I'm just having some guys over for poker tonight. You know, poker night. You busy?

CLAY(at phone): No. Uh, not busy.

JULIAN: Okay, well, I... I'll see you later, then. Yes! He said yes! Yes! Whew! Nice!

ALEX: Okay. Great. Good job.

JULIAN: Oh, no. It's a text from Nathan. He's probably canceling.

ALEX: Okay, take it easy, sensitive Julian. He wants to have the game at his house instead.

JULIAN: Oh.

ALEX: Probably for the best.

NALEY'S HOUSE

Julian arrives at the party.

NATHAN: Hey, Julian's here.

MEN: Hey!

MOUTH: Come sit next to me, J-man.

NATHAN: No, he's sitting next to his best man.

MOUTH: I'm his best man.

SKILLS: No, no, I'm his best man.

CLAY: No, no, no, no. I'm his best man.

CHASE: I'm bar manager!

JULIAN: Guys, guys, you can all be my best men.

MEN: Yeah!

In fact, Julian dreamed. He glossies to sound itself to enter the house.

JULIAN: Okay. Okay. Be cool, Julian. Just... just be cool. Be yourself. Hey, guys. W... what's wrong?

ALEX: Julian's here!

JUNK: Hmm. A girl. At poker night.

CHASE: Good going, Julian!

JULIAN: Ohh.

WEDDING EXPO

BROOKE: Please, Sylvia, no more dresses.

SYLVIA: You're right. This is the one.

BROOKE: Hey! What a random and... total coincidence. My best friend Haley is here!

SYLVIA: Oh?

BROOKE: Unexpectedly.

SYLVIA: Where?

BROOKE: Let's see what she thinks. Hales!

(Haley comes in)

HALEY: Oh, my God. You look so beautiful. Hi.

SYLVIA: Hi. Well, I told her this is the one. I'm gonna put these two back.

BROOKE: Okay. Are you kidding me, Haley?! I called you here to help me!

HALEY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I... you're right. I forgot how much my hormones act up when I'm pregnant. Sorry. I'm so excited you're getting married!

NALEY'S HOUSE

ALEX: If this impresses you, I can also cut the deck with my tongue.

SKILLS: Hmm.

ALEX: You ladies know how to play hold 'em, right? No-limit. When you're out, you're out.

SKILLS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Those are Lucas' chips.

JULIAN: Sorry, Lucas.

NATHAN: There you go.

JULIAN: Thanks.

SKILLS: Oh, yeah. I'm in.

CLAY: So, how's the documentary coming along, Julian?

NATHAN: Wow. I'm surprised you didn't send me to ask him.

JULIAN: Uh, really well, actually.

SKILLS: Oh, word? What's it about poker?

JULIAN: No, it's about the people around me as they enter the next chapter of their lives.

JUNK: Ahh. Poker sounds better.

SKILLS: Which people?

JULIAN: Actually, I've spent the last few days filming Mouth.

CHASE: So you're following up your successful indie with a documentary about Mouth?

MOUTH: What's wrong with that?

CHASE: It's just weird. I mean, he hasn't even filmed me yet, and I'm your boss. Which reminds me, who said you could have the night off?

SKILLS: Uh, Lucas did. You know, and since he owns Tric, he's your boss. Ha ha! My dawg!

JULIAN: So, Clay, how you feeling?

CLAY: A hell of a lot better since I got out of the house. I was going a little bit stir-crazy.

ALEX: Are you kidding me? I could never get sick of a house where you can see the ocean from your bed.

CHASE: How do you know that?

JULIAN: So, who needs a snack?

WEDDING EXPO

SYLVIA: Ooh! You two are just in time. Steve over here gave us a deal on the last baby angel made of pate.

BROOKE: Okay. Can... can we just slow down a bit? I... I wanted to come here to get ideas. But I don't really want to commit to everything right away.

SYLVIA: Well, regardless, you are gonna have to pick a caterer at some point. Unless your friend "Quint" can cook, too.

BROOKE: Quinn. Quinn. She's Haley's older sister.

HALEY: Oh, Quinn can't cook to save her life, mnh-mnh.

BROOKE: Well...

HALEY: No.

BROOKE: Actually, we were thinking, rather than a traditional dinner, we might have a constant flow of appetizers throughout the night so people can mingle and dance, and there's always new food.

SYLVIA: No, no, no. People come to a wedding expecting dinner. Can't just pass around snacks like a backyard hootenanny. How about a Tuscan feast with a carving station? I think that's a bit much for me.

BROOKE: Don't you think, Haley?

HALEY: That sounds awesome.

SYLVIA: Right.

NALEY'S HOUSE

CHASE: Of course you slept with Clay. Were you researching to be an agent or a slut?

ALEX: That was before I even knew you. You act like I'd sleep with... anyone.

JUNK: Hey.

ALEX: No offense, Fergie.

JUNK: I'm Junk.

SKILLS: Everybody always mixes them up.

FERGIE: Lauren didn't.

JUNK: Right. She got you and Mouth mixed up.

MOUTH: Hey, why you got to bring me into this?

CHASE: Hear that, Alex? Mouth's available if you need to study more on bar-tending. But this time, at least try being honest about it.

ALEX: I never lied to you.

CHASE: No. You just conveniently left out the part about using me. I guess it was easier to let me figure it out for myself. There's a lot of that going around.

CLAY: Oh, dude, come on. How long are you gonna stay mad at me?

NATHAN: I'm just saying, if I wanted to look stupid, I would've stayed at home and played trivial pursuit against Haley. I didn't have to go to Atlanta.

JULIAN: What were you doing there?

NATHAN: I don't know. Clay, what was I doing in Atlanta? I mean, besides making an ass of myself?

JULIAN: Uh, full house.

CHASE: I'm b*at.

CLAY: Nice call, Julian. Poker night.

NATHAN: Two bucks. Clay, please, tell everybody here what I was doing in Atlanta.

CLAY: Well, I sent him to Atlanta so that he could talk to the Falcons' management, but he got stuck on an escalator.

JULIAN: I always hated escalators when I was little. I thought the teeth at the bottom were gonna eat my feet.

NATHAN: I'm glad you think it's funny. You know what... if being an agent means setting up your friends to fail, I don't want to be a part of fortitude. Two more.

SKILLS: What's fortitude?

CLAY: It's my agency.

SKILLS: Sounds like it belongs on one of them inspirational posters with a dude paddling a canoe.

CHASE: I have one of those hanging in my office.

MOUTH: You mean above the bar?

ALEX: You should name it adobe.

SKILLS: Aw, hell.

ALEX: Adobe is bricks made out of clay. So it would be like the agency built from clay.

SKILLS: All right, now, that's cool.

CLAY: The name of the agency is fortitude.

SKILLS: I like adobe better.

CLAY: Whatever, "Skills."

JULIAN: Okay. I'll play.

CLAY: Two pair.

JULIAN: Uh, three aces. Who needs another drink?

WEDDING EXPO

SYLVIA: Champagne!

BROOKE: Listen to me... unless you want your baby to be born with a dent in its head the size of my fist, you had better start agreeing with me.

HALEY: Hear that, baby? That's auntie Brooke's way of saying she can't wait to meet you.

BROOKE: Hmm!

SYLVIA: Oh, wouldn't this champagne fountain look beautiful at your reception?

BROOKE: It's... not really my taste.

SYLVIA: Well, what kind of wedding doesn't have a champagne fountain?

BROOKE: Mine.

HALEY: Mine, either. I wish it did, though. I do. Brooke, it's so cool. Come on. This is like a fountain of happiness.

SYLVIA: Ahh. That's what I thought, too.

BROOKE: I know. You know, just excuse us for one second. I want to show Haley something.

HALEY: What did you want to show me?

BROOKE: The exit.

HALEY: Why?

BROOKE: I love you, but your hormones are not helping me right now.

HALEY: Fine. But go easy on her, okay? She's so excited for you!

BROOKE: You're doing it again! Go.

NALEY'S HOUSE

SKILLS: What's wrong with my name?

CLAY: Well, it's not even a real name. I mean, what is it you're so skilled at?

SKILLS: Everything.

MOUTH: I think nicknames are cool. You never had one, Clay?

SKILLS: Oh, no, he don't need one, remember? He has "fortitude."

JULIAN: So, how'd you get yours, Fergie?

FERGIE: My name's Ferguson.

JULIAN: Oh.

JUNK: Uh, my parents own a junkyard. Bet you want to sleep with me now.

CHASE: She would if they did a remake of "Sanford and son."

JULIAN: Oh, so, Mouth...uh, there's got to be a great story behind that nickname.

ALEX: I have a few guesses.

MOUTH: When we were kids, I used to do commentary for games at the river court. Then one day, Nathan came up to me, said I had a big mouth, and punched me in it. After that, it kind of stuck.

NATHAN: No, I didn't.

SKILLS: Yes, you did. You hit him hard, too.

NATHAN: Damn it. I... I was a jerk back then. I'm sorry, Mouth.

MOUTH: It's okay. It was a long time ago. And besides, I like "Mouth" better than "Marvin."

NATHAN: You see that, Clay? That's how friends apologize to each other.

CHASE: I'm glad I never had a nickname.

MOUTH: Yeah, you did.

CHASE: What was it?

MOUTH: "Chaste."

CRISIS INTERVENTIONS

Haley comes see if she has a message.

WOMAN: Hey, Haley. Isn't your shift over?

HALEY: Uh, yeah, I just came by to see if anybody called or left me a message.

WOMAN: Oh. No. Were you expecting someone?

HALEY: No. I guess not. Shut up, monkey.

NALEY'S HOUSE

ALEX: Why Chaste?

NATHAN: Because he was in the virgin club in high school.

CHASE: Uh, I'm all-in. It was called the Clean Teens.

JULIAN: I'm all-in, too.

JUNK: Yeah, yeah, that's better.

CHASE: At least I was a virgin by choice.

ALEX: I think that's sweet. We didn't have anything like that in my high school.

CHASE: Of course not. You went there. I'm all-in, too.

NATHAN: Okay. Trip jacks.

SKILLS: Straight.

CHASE: Flush.

MOUTH: Full house.

JULIAN: Royal flush.

NATHAN: Great. Well, that's everything. No money, no job. Thanks, Julian. Thanks, Clay.

MOUTH: Thanks, Julian. - Thanks, Julian.

MEN: Thanks a lot. Great party. Good time.

JULIAN: So, who wants to be my best man?

WEDDING EXPO

BROOKE: Excuse me. Have you seen a middle-aged woman with short hair running around here like she's the bride?

WOMAN: Uh, you just described every mom here.

BROOKE: Right. She's probably stuffing the champagne fountain with bee-repellent salami into the back of my car. "Come down to the expo. We'll have a good time, have a few laughs." Yippee-ki-yay, mother Baker. I've been hanging around Julian too long. Come on, Sylvia!

NALEY'S HOUSE

Everybody go home.

NATHAN: Oh. I'll take that.

CHASE: Ahh. You guys want to grab a drink at Tric?

SKILLS: Uh, that would've been a great idea about, what, an hour ago, before Julian cleaned everybody out.

CHASE: No, I'm buying. See, I'm bar...

MOUTH: Manager. Yeah, we know.

CLAY: Hey, man. Can I talk to you for a second?

NATHAN: Yeah.

Julian joins Alex inside swimming pool.

JULIAN: 10 bucks for your thoughts. I had a big night. Are you okay?

ALEX: I never got to talk to Chase. He was just so mean all night.

JULIAN: Wow. I... I... I didn't think it was bothering you. You seemed fine.

ALEX: I'm an actress, Julian. The whole reason I flew back was to apologize to him, and I never got the chance. Now it's worse than when I last left.

JULIAN: Then fix it. Everyone's over at Tric. You can go over there and apologize to him now. But when you do, just be yourself. Don't act.

ALEX: Why not? I'm a great actress.

JULIAN: Yes, you are, but you're an even better person. Let him see that.

ALEX: Ah. I'm not that good of a person. I've been dealing you cards from the bottom of the deck all night.

JULIAN: That wasn't luck?

ALEX: Nope. It's probably why your male bonding didn't go so well. I forgot that guys hate to lose money more than they like sex and poker. I'm sorry.

JULIAN: That's okay. I've always been better friends with girls anyway. Come on.

Clay discuses with Nathan.

CLAY: You're right.

NATHAN: Well, that's the best start to a conversation I've ever heard.

CLAY: I... I'm sorry I didn't prepare you for Atlanta.

NATHAN: It's fine. I don't think I'm cut out to be an agent anyway. I never studied in school 'cause I could sh**t a basketball.

CLAY: That's exactly why you should become an agent.

NATHAN: Why? Because I never studied?

CLAY: No, because you could sh**t a basketball. Look, not many of us on this side ever played or understand what that's like. You know, but you do. And the rest of the stuff you can learn.

NATHAN: I don't know.

CLAY: Yeah, but I do. Look, man, I know you struggled today. But my instincts tell me that you're gonna be great at this. And Troy must agree with me because he wants you to be his agent. Congratulations, you signed your first client... who happens to be a first-round pick. Not a bad start.

NATHAN: I... I've never had a business card before. Oh. Thanks, man.

CLAY: And, uh, by the way, an escalator clause... it's just an incentive based on playing time and performance.

NATHAN: So, basically, it's a fancy word for a bonus?

CLAY: See? Look at that. You're already talking like an agent. I'll see you tomorrow.

NATHAN: Hey, Clay. Fortitude. Strong name.

CLAY: It is, right?

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Brooke puts Sylvia in bed.

SYLVIA: Thank you, Brooke. You are wonderful.

BROOKE: And you are drunk.

SYLVIA: And thank you for loving my Julian.

BROOKE: He makes it easy.

SYLVIA: He is so happy. And that means the world to me. Ohh. I always wanted a daughter. And today was...well, it was just everything that I dreamed it would be.

BROOKE: I had fun, too. Get some sleep.

SYLVIA: Mm-hmm. Please don't tell Julian that I was drinking. He worries.

PEYTON'S OFFICE

Finally, Erin comes in.

ERIN: Nice studio.

HALEY: I was kind of expecting a bedroom. Um, j... listen, Erin. About earlier, I'm... I'm so sorry. I should never have betrayed your trust.

ERIN: Let me ask you a question. Did you really like my music? Or did you just not want a su1c1de on your hands?

HALEY: I really liked it.

CLUB TRIC

Alex comes to see Chase.

ALEX: I'm sorry about the way I left things. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the movie. I just... I knew if I did, it would ruin what we had. And I loved what we had. I should have told you that.

CHASE: Huh. That's a good speech. Who wrote it?

ALEX: No one. It's the truth.

(Chase kisses Mia)

CHASE: I guess the truth hurts, huh?

(Alex punches him)

CHASE: Sorry. I just...

(Mia punches him)

MOUTH: You're in the movie now, boss. Thanks, Skills. This did cheer me up.

BRULIAN'S HOUSE

Julian comes back at home.

JULIAN: So, how was the expo?

BROOKE: Your mom had a good time.

JULIAN: Ah. What about you?

BROOKE: We had a good time. How'd bonding go?

JULIAN: Oh, guys are mean. I missed being in the Brooke bubble.

BROOKE: Well, yeah. 'Cause it's the best place ever. Not that I've ever really been out of it. Mm.

JULIAN: It wasn't a total loss, though. I won 200 bucks, and I found my best man.

BROOKE: Oh, yeah? Oh... No.

JULIAN: I won him from Skills. What do you think?

BROOKE: I think you are never allowed out of the Brooke bubble again.

JULIAN: It's either him or Junk/Fergie.

BROOKE: Okay. "Best mannequin" it is. Make sure he gets a tux. Put that thing...why is there salami hanging from the lamp?

JULIAN: I saw a bee.

NALEY'S HOUSE

Haley joins Nathan at bed.

HALEY: So, guess what?

NATHAN: What?

HALEY: Erin is gonna come back tomorrow. I guess I didn't mess up as bad as I thought I did.

NATHAN: You never do. Turns out I didn't, either. Troy Jameson wants me to be his agent.

HALEY: Are you serious?

NATHAN: Mm-hmm.

HALEY: Oh, my God! That's amazing! See? I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it.

NATHAN: I haven't really done anything yet.

HALEY: You signed the first client that you talked to. That's one for one.

NATHAN: It was luck, Hales.

HALEY: Stats are stats. You said so yourself.

NATHAN: Well, I guess neither of us are screw-ups after all.

HALEY: I guess not. You picked up Jamie from Chuck's house, right?

NATHAN: I thought you did.

HALEY: Ohh.

NATHAN: Screw-ups.

HALEY: Screw-ups.

End of the episode.