03x04 - Mac and Quon Le: No Reservations

[bunniefuu]

-Hey. guys.
-Hey. judge.

Where's Dan?

Last I saw Dan. he was out in the hall
pitching pennies with that shoeshine kid.

-Pay up.
-Hey. it was a leaner.

Get real. Fielding. You were the one
that said double or nothing.

-If I had a piece of piano wire--
-Hey. How you doing?

Well. we're just fine. Your Honor.
How are you?

Well. run along. little boy.

-You owe me for five shines.
-Go suck a shoetree.

Hi. everybody.

Hey. So how's America's favorite
married couple. huh?

-Oh. poor. Very poor.
-We had a very big day today.

We went returning.

-Returning?
-Yes. returning.

It's much more fun than shopping.

We returned the home fitness center.
the hot tub and the home organ.

It's like having a symphony
in your living room.

-Tomorrow. we return the big stuff.
-The big stuff?

Yeah. it's in a garage
on rd and Lexington.

Buick?

-Sailboat.
-Oh.

See. Ouon Le now understands we can't
afford to keep acquiring things on impulse.

-Right. Quon Le?
-Right. Mac.

The deal is that she gets to keep one thing
if she agrees to return everything else.

-Well. that sounds prudent.
-What purchase have you decided to keep?

The restaurant.

It was on sale.

Yeah.

That's what most people say.

You know. there are so many things
that I wanna show you...

...I barely know where to begin.

Try the fire exits.

[LAUGHS]

"Try the fire exit." I love it.

But seriously. folks. I gotta get up there
and get some contracts...

...so don't anybody get too comfy.

Mac. did you actually buy this place?

Well. I just put down a deposit.
The rest depends on my grandfather.

-Your grandfather? The grandfather?
-Your grandfather's gonna put up...

-...more of the money?
-Well. if he likes what he sees.

We plan to redecorate
the place ourselves.

The kitchen equipment all works.
Practically no overhead.

-There's practically no ceiling.
-Are we talking about the grandfather...

...who owns the most profitable
import-export business in New York?

-That grandfather?
-The other one's dead. Dan.

-Hey. well. who has a complete set?
-Hi. everybody.

-Hi. Quon Le.
-Ouon Le. what the he--?

Uh. I thought you had some errands to run.
Ouon Le.

I did them all.

Well. g*ng.
what do you think of the place?

Well. it's very homey.
It has a real lived-in look.

So did Anne Frank's attic.

Gramps is here.

Ouon Le. here. here. Take some money
and go spend it on some trash.

-Go on. now.
-But Grandpa is here.

-No. no. you don't understand. Come on.
-He's down here. I swear.

It's too late.

-There's my boy.
MAC: Hey. Grandpa.

-Mac.
-Ha-ha-ha. You look--

-Hey. you look great.
-Why shouldn't I?

-I'm a Robinson. aren't I?
-That's it.

-Hey there. Mr. Robinson. |'m--
-Tall. scrawny. rather pale.

You must be Judge Stone.

Yeah. that's right.

-This is--
-Hello. Hello. sir.

It is a pleasure to share your airspace.
I'm gonna have that bronzed now.

-Fielding. right?
-Yes. sir.

I apologize. son.
I thought you made him up.

-This is Christine Sullivan.
-Pleasure to meet you. sir.

-Florence Kleiner.
-How are you?

-That's Bull Shannon.
-Sir.

Uh....

Uh. and now I'd like to take you
to the backroom. sir.

Hi. Grandpa.

-The cook?
-Well. sort of.

Howie. take my grandfather
on a tour of the premises.

-My pleasure.
HARRY: Mac.

Does your grandfather know
about Ouon Le?

Well. yes and no.

-Mostly no.
-He doesn't know you're married?

-Oh. you make it sound so extreme.
-Mac. how could you?

-Well. it's complicated.
-What is complicated?

I am so proud to tell everyone
you are my husband.

And you cannot tell your own grandfather
I am your wife?

It slipped my mind?

I lost his phone number?

-I'm scum. and I deserve to die?
-That's the one.

HOWIE:
Real plaster.

-You don't see this kind of thing anymore.
-Thirty-five thousand is our best offer.

Grandpa. there's something
I wanna tell you.

-Mac. don't worry. I'll take care of this.
-No. sir. I don't think you understand.

You see.
we already have an agreement for . .

-Thirty thousand.
-No. you don't understand.

I go down. you go up.
He does not know how to do this.

-Seventy.
-Twenty-five.

-Sixty.
-Twenty.

Sold.

You are my god.

Grandpa.

Mac. please don't mention it.

How about percent down?

Ouon Le is my wife.

I beg your pardon?

Ouon Le is my wife.

You keep that much in checking?

Very pleased to meet you. Grandpa.

Six figures.
The man keeps six figures in checking.

The things I could buy you.

Excuse me. sir.
is that your normal signature?

-“C|a"?
-Why was this marriage kept secret?

-"C|a" may not be legal.
-We||--

I'll tell you why.

Because you know deep down
that it is a disgrace to your family.

Ouon Le is my family.

Then you are no longer my family.

-It's torn. It says. "C|a." and it's torn.
-Grandpa.

Wait a minute.

You don't think this has anything to do
with Ouon Le being Asian. do you?

Honey. you just came this close
to consciousness.

That will be a $ fine and time served.

Florence.

You made a fashion mistake.
you pay for it.

Next case. Mac.

-Mac?
-What?

Next case.

Oh. yeah. Yeah.

It's right here somewhere.

Sir. perhaps you should call a recess
and talk to him.

Miss Sullivan. I cannot suspend
the proceedings of this court...

...every time someone gets a little upset
around here.

I don't have a grandfather.
He's dead. I k*lled him.

Five-minute recess.

Don't even think it.

LEON: Fielding.
-Find an expressway. play on it. die.

Fielding.

I've been a good guy all this time
by letting you slide...

...but you're forcing me
into a corner here.

What are you gonna do.
tell your big brother?

Leon. I see that you are closed.

Any way you can fit me in?

Sure thing. Godfather.

I owe you one. Leon.

The scene with the horse
was my favorite.

I'm sorry. sir.
I let my emotions get away from me.

It'll never happen again.

Sorry.

Oh. forget it. Mac. It's nothing.

It was just the only memento from college
I ever kept.

I know my grandfather.
I'll never see him again.

You know that when he's had a chance
to think things through...

-...he's gonna come around.
-We're talking about the man...

...who once waited three days
for me to finish my Brussels sprouts.

He and a former partner
got in a minor argument in ...

...and they didn't speak to each other
for years.

Mac. you've always told me
that your grandfather is an admirable man.

So when he realizes
that what he's done is hasty and wrong--

You don't understand. Harry.

He's my grandfather.

And my grandfather is always right.

That man could tell me
why the sky was blue.

He knew everything.

When I was a boy...

...I would come to him
when my world would fall apart...

...and he would tell me a story
and tickle me. hee-hee...

...and it would all come back together.

Do you know
what kind of people those are. Harry?

-Yeah. I think I do.
-Oh. they are your heart and your soul.

IEXHALESI

-And now....
-Hey. Mac. this wasn't your fault.

But does it matter?

He's gone.

If I could just take a walk around the block
before we get started up again. I'll....

Yeah. yeah. sure.

Thanks. Harry.

Hey. Mac. got a great idea.

What say. instead of lunch...

...you and me grab some fresh air
by taking a ride on the Staten Island Ferry?

We'll shake out Mr. Bad-Feeling
and shake in Mr. Good.

Your cuffs are in the top-left drawer.

Oh. poor gUY-

Bull told me how close they were.
I wish there was something we could do.

Maybe there is something. Miss Sullivan.

-Have you got an idea. sir?
-Yes.

Either that. or I'm having a mild stroke.

Well. good luck. sir.

Mr. Bad-Feeling?

You were on the pep squad.
weren't you?

And so I think
Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes...

...put it best when he said.
"Certainty generally is an illusion...

...and repose is not the destiny of man."

I took a doughnut. I'm sorry.

-Your Honor?
-Okay.

Guilty as charged. Suspended sentence.
We'll take a -minute recess.

But I don't want anyone
to leave the room. Bye.

You've just been disoriented by the best.

Mr. Robinson.
how the heck are you tonight?

You issued a bench warrant
for my arrest.

So I did.

-Hey. real glad you could come down. Mr.--
-I had no choice.

Some men forced me into a car
with vinyl seats and brought me here.

Vinyl. I hate vinyl too.

-I could have your job for this. Stone.
-I know.

Mr. Robinson...

...now. normally. I make it my policy
not to interfere in family matters...

...but in this particular case--

-Yes. you do.
-What?

You always interfere in family matters.

Excuse me.

Time to go leaf through
the old phone book.

-Now. Mr. Robinson. about Mac--
-He is not getting my money.

Mac does not want your money.
He wants your blessing and your approval.

It means a lot to him.
You mean a lot to him.

-What is he doing here?
-I arrested him.

Oh. God.

Hi. Christine. Hi. Harry.

Hi. Gramps.

You mean. you...?

Him and her...?

Stone. you're insane.

Well. the jury's still out on that one.
believe it or not.

If you'll excuse us.

You want me in here. or should I set up
the machine-g*n nest in the hall?

No. Flo. I think they'll be fine.
They're both adults.

There is a fresh pitcher of Kool-Aid
in the fridge.

I loved Roots.

-You arrested my grandfather?
-Yes.

You arrested my grandfather?

-Yes.
-You arrested my grandfather?

I think we've established that now.

You're throwing your career
out the window. You know that. don't you?

Well. maybe.

But then again.
maybe Mac's grandfather will realize...

...that we cannot force others
to live by our rules.

Maybe he'll learn something about himself
that he never knew before.

He'll expand his horizons.
He'll set new goals.

There. there. there.

We'll miss you too.

You sure you don't want any? It's cherry.

-I want my lawyer.
-Okay.

Yeah. Thompson? You wouldn't believe
where I'm calling from.

No. no. A terrible thing has happened.
I've been arrested.

Thompson. I'll get back to you.

Young lady.
what do you think you're doing?

I cannot come between a grandfather
and grandson.

-I must do the honorable thing.
-The honorable thing?

Yes. In my country.
when a wife has disgraced herself...

...she must fling herself
from an -story building.

An -story building in Vietnam?

It is rare we are successful.

And you want to do this?

Not particularly.

But I have no choice.

-Why?
-Tradition.

Thousands of years of honor.
dignity and sacrifice.

Everything that is anything to my people.

-Don't do it.
-Okay.

I guess I'm not
your old-fashioned kind of girl.

Yes. I can see that.

You put my wife in there with him?

HARRY:
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Well. I'm sure human sacrifices...

...seemed like a good idea at the time.
sir. but--

Mac. I'm sorry. Forgive me. please.

What's past is past.
What's done is done.

For everything. there is a season.

[LAUGHS]

I was kidding.

[LAUGHING]

Not a lot of tall comedians. are there?

[DOOR CLOSESI

-I hope you like it straight. No ice.
-That'll be fine.

You know. this is one of Mac's favorite.
He likes cherry and--

-Grape.
-Yes. grape.

When he was a kid.
we used to have the darnedest time...

...getting him to drink anything else.

I know.

In Vietnam.
my family used to serve him tea.

I don't think he liked it much.

But he was always very polite.
so he'd drink it.

Especially when I made it.

He was in love with you then?

Oh. no. I was just a child at the time.

He used to take care of me
and my family in Vietnam.

It wasn't until I came to this country
that I made him fall in love with me.

Mac taking care
of a whole family in Vietnam.

That's not surprising.

Mac was always
a very compassionate human being.

Even as a child.

In Sunday school.
he'd make these little projects:

biblical scenes and stuff like that.

Mac would always bring home
little scraps of paper.

He hated to throw them away.

He felt sorry for them.

Is that what I am?
A scrap of paper he feels sorry for?

I said he was compassionate. not stupid.

He used to say the same thing
about you too.

-You're pretty sharp for a--
-Minority?

My boy never had a chance. did he?

MAC:
The room is gonna be empty...

...because he threw her out the window.
felt bad and jumped himself.

People that rich don't jump.
They have people jump for them.

-Maybe only one jumped.
-Now. come on. come on.

I've taken a chance. and a risky one at that.
but before you prophets of doom...

...render your final verdict.
let's see what benefit. if any--

My God. she sh*t him.

-Hi. everybody.
-Ouon Le.

-Hi. Mac. We were just talking about you.
-Bright little woman you've got here. Mac.

Hey. you're not dead?

Oh. no. I got a few good years left in me.

Your Honor. I--

-What happened?
-I'll tell you what happened.

I feel great.

I've tried masseurs. chiropractors.
but this little girl is something.

My back hasn't felt this good in years.

-Hey. can I try?
-Maybe later. Bull. On a fallen oak.

-Would somebody help me up. please?
-Yeah.

What. did she use
that karate stuff on him?

No. Florence. I think she just used
good old-fashioned charm.

It's a natural substance
we women produce in our sweat glands.

It's the first thing to go after the bust.

Well. I guess I'll have to be going.

Providing all the charges against me
have been dropped.

You have been a great sport.
Mr. Robinson.

Well. and you've been a good friend.
Judge Stone.

MY boy got lucky.

So did I.

-I'm still gonna like you when you're rich.
-I appreciate that.

Mac. Ouon Le. I'm expecting you
at Meadowlane for dinner next Sunday.

Are you sure?
Everything's straightened out?

-We've reached an understanding.
-We sure have.

However. I would still be glad
to impale myself if you like.

Oh. no. no. That won't be necessary.

She's really a find.

She really is.

I'm sorry. I apologize.

Is that beautiful or what?

Come on. guys.
let's get back to work. huh?

I was afraid I'd lost you there for a while.

Oh. nonsense. son.
You know I'm a little pigheaded.

-Well. Grandma always said so.
-Now. wait a minute. Listen. Hey. hey. hey.

Now. next time you go running off
and get married without letting me know...

...then you-- You know what I have to do
to people who do things like that?

-Come on. Grandpa. No. don't tickle me.
-You always let them have their tick--

No. no.

[LAUGHING]

-Let's have a good tickle. Yeah.
-No. no. Don't tickle.

You know. I really like this place.

I get kind of misty-eyed when I remember
all the great times we had here.

One night. he ate this spicy stuff
and got sick and threw up on the cashier.

God. I could hear that story
a thousand times and never get tired of it.

-Hi. gUY -
-Hey.

HeY-

-What is he doing here?
-I invited him. He's so cute. isn't he?

Considering he was raised by wolves.
I guess so.

You still owe me. porcupine hair.

Listen. chump.
you're not gonna intimidate me anymore.

I don't care who your friends are.
I'm never gonna pay you.

I knew you'd never pay. Fielding.

-You did. huh?
-Yep.

That's why. on that last shine.
I mixed battery acid in with the shoe polish.

Oh. that's crazy.

[DAN SCREAMSI