07x01 - Happy Birthday, General Lee

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Dukes of Hazzard". Aired: January 26, 1979 – February 8, 1985.*
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Cousins Bo and Luke certainly have a way of finding trouble with the law everywhere they turn.
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07x01 - Happy Birthday, General Lee

Post by bunniefuu »

'Yee-haw!'

Now, this looks like a
typical day in Hazzard County

with a big orange car being
chased by a gigglin' sheriff

a dog and a fat
man in a white suit.

But today is sort of special.

Where'd that come from?

sh**t, we ain't
got time to find out.

Hang on.

Ow!

'Yee-haw!'

Where they headed?
Went through it..

'Get away, get away, get away.'

I can't believe you
went through there.

Neither can I.

Anyhow, threadin' a
needle through a drain pipe

at miles an hour ain't
what makes this day special.

'Well, it's about
time! Happy Birthday.'

- What's going on?
- Happy Birthday?

It's a birthday party.

We thought you
was gonna miss it.

Y'all are a couple
of months early.

No, it's not for
you. Look at it.

Oh, it can't be
that time already.

You see, it was
eight years ago today

that the General
Lee came into being.

'Cause before then,
he was just another car.

He's one of the family
and he's earned it.

To the General.

- Our best pal.
- Ain't never let us down.

That's for sure.

You know, there ain't a soul in
Hazzard including Boss Hogg

that ain't been bailed
out by the old General.

It's hard to think we
were ever without him.

Yeah, but we were,
though. It's been, uh..

My gosh, it's been eight years.

I was just out of the Marine
Corps and you outta high school.

We was driving that
old wreck of a truck.

'Old man Conkey had throwed
that truck away for years'

'when you two drug
it up here in the yard.'

Dang it! It's Rosco again.

It's his phony speed trap.

- Can he do that?
- He did it.

Come on. Get after it.

I'm getting after it. It just
ain't doing much good.

- Alright.
- There you are.

We caught you Dukes this time.

What a chase you gave us.

Old Boss was a mite
skinnier back then.

He looks plumb poorly.

And how about that bird
nest under Rosco's nose.

Would you just stop
primpin' and preenin'

on that lip fuzz of yours. And
write these here Duke boys up.

Write us up? What for?
We weren't speedin'.

It won't even do
the speed limit.

- They got a point there.
- What, uh..

They were going that slow, huh?

Alright. Then just right 'em
up a ticket for impedin' traffic.

'Impedin' traffic.'

- That's good.
- Would you, please..

That's brilliant. I'm
glad you're my partner.

- Just start writin', please.
- I'm gonna write.

When he gets through
writin' that ticket

you are gonna have
to pay bucks.

Cash on the barrel head.

We ain't got no bucks.

Uh, c-could we
maybe owe it to you?

Owe me? Owe me?

- You owe me too much already.
- Yeah.

I'll tell you what. I'm gonna
have to impound that vehicle

until you make good
on all them other tickets

including this one.

Rosco, get in there
and start drivin'.

Give 'em the ticket
and start drivin'.

Rosco, you can't leave us out
here in the middle of the road.

I don't intend to.

I'm gonna CB your Uncle
Jesse and have him pick you up.

'I love it.'

It's been a day and a half..

You spelled "impending" wrong.

What the..

'There he is again. Annual
road racing champ. $ , .'

And this was gonna be our year.

'Lookie here. Lookie here.'

Well, some things don't
change in eight years.

Daisy's still cute
as a speckled pup.

Uncle Jesse must
have been born feisty.

No way could that
truck be speedin'.

You know, it just ain't fair

Boss impoundin'
your truck like that.

Fair's got nothing to do
with it when it comes to Boss.

Just how much
money he can take in.

It's like that road race of his.

It's like stealin' money for
Boss in that souped-up car.

Yeah. Let's get outta here.

'And I thought this would be
the year y'all broke his streak.'

'Yeah. So did we.'

We got us a souped-up
engine and no car.

With the drought, this
has been the worst year

we've had on that farm.

I just.. I ain't got the money.

You don't have to
apologize, Uncle Jesse.

You always give us
more than we deserve.

- That's for sure.
- We'll win it some other year.

'Stay right where
you are. Don't move.'

But things wasn't that simple

because over in Capitol
City, something was happenin'

that'd affect the whole
future of the Duke family.

This sure is a terrific
car you swiped, honey.

We made a clean getaway.

I told you we'd make
a great team, baby.

This is our biggest hit so far.

We got us grand in gold-dust.

sh**t. Bonnie and Clyde
didn't start out this good.

Now, let's pull
over right up here

and stash it like we planned.

Friends, how are two
losers whose heroes

are Bonnie and Clyde,
who've just stole something

that they can't spend,
gonna affect the Dukes?

Sure is a beauty.

- Looks powerful, don't it?
- Yeah.

We put every ounce of
know-how we got into that engine.

Yeah, and a couple
of ounces we ain't got.

Uh, boys..

If you was to get the money

do you think you could have a
car ready to race by Saturday?

Well, that's three
days away. I..

Providin' we could find
a body and a chassis

that thing would fit into, and
providin' we could come up

with that $ entry fee.

I'm gonna get you that money.

- What are you talking about?
- How?

I'm going to J.D. Hogg and
I'm gonna ask him for a loan.

You said, you'd never
go to Boss for a loan.

You know he's just
gonna rip you off.

I-I-I-I know that, I know that.

Now just be quiet.

When you get a little older,
you'll learn that sometimes

you just got to take a chance
on the people you love and..

Do what you gotta do.

And right now we gotta
get ourselves a race car.

- Come on, let's go get it.
- Okay.

- Come on.
- Alright.

How about that?

They're hiding all that gold
behind the instrument panel.

Reckon that's better
than under the mattress.

Lots less lumpier too.

There.

Tucked away real snug.

Ain't it been a piece of cake
like I promised you, Ginny?

Sure is. And to think of all the
time I wasted hauling warm beer

at that broken
down bowling alley.

Am I glad you came along, Rick.

You stick with me, sugar.

We got a long money-making
career ahead of us.

Now, them larcenous lovebirds
sure guessed wrong on that one.

Here comes the
sheriff of Capitol City.

We got company.

And meanwhile, over in Hazzard

little old pudgy Boss was
workin' on his race car.

His pride and joy
back in them days.

The Hogg Hellcat.

Here come them nosy Dukes.

Oh, good grief. Ow!

I certainly am gonna earn my %.

- Oh! Good grief.
- J.D.

- Hello, Jesse.
- Uh, we gotta talk to you.

We got something
important to talk to you.

- Alright, go ahead.
- Uh..

Well, uh, we wanna ask you..

- Huh?
- I can't say it. You say it.

Boss, we need a loan.

- Oh, is that what you want?
- Oh.

- A loan?
- Yeah.

Never let it be said

that J.D. Hogg's Bank
of Hazzard County

ever turned down a fair
request of any citizen for a loan.

'So, I'll give you a loan.'

Uh, at an interest rate of %.

percent?

That's three times
your usual rate!

- Oh is it? Well, so it is.
- Yeah.

And I'm gonna have to attach
your farm as collateral too.

Our farm?

That's a little rich
for our blood, ain't it?

A little rich.

Uh, J.D., I'll tell
you what I'll do.

I'll take the loan
for % interest.

- % or forget it.
- Forget it.

'Wait a minute.'

Boss, you have always wanted
me to come to work for you

at the Boar's Nest, right?

- Yeah, so?
- Yeah.

If you give Uncle
Jesse % like he said

I'll do it.

Daisy, you don't want
to go work for Boss.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hold your horses, everybody.

Uh, let me get
this straight, Daisy.

You're saying, uh, that
you'd go to work for me

at the Boar's Nest, permanent,
if I give your Uncle Jesse

a loan at % interest.

- I said, %, Boss.
- Make it .

' % or you can forget it.'

Ah-da-da. Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

You may be a Duke,
but you got the most

beautiful legs
in all of Georgia.

- So, it's a deal.
- Alright.

Well, there ain't nothing
wrong with ol' Boss's eyes.

Now, Daisy was a
mite green on the job.

She spilled more
beer then she sold.

I think y'all owe me some money.

- Oh, Daisy.
- There we go. Yes, Boss?

I need some
barbecue sauce, honey.

Okay, Boss. It'll be one second.

- Alright, but hurry up.
- Yeah, you bet.

Here you go, honey.

No, no, no. We
ordered the beer now.

Oops. Oh, I'm sorry.

Here, I have it right here,
though. There you go.

No, honey. Honey, listen.

No. We ordered tap beer,
not these here cans, now.

Oh, well..

Well, I happen to
have it right here.

Yes, here you
go. I'll get it. Oops!

Oh, no.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, my goodness.

No-no-no, don't do
that. Don't do that!

Just go get me a
towel, will you please?

Alright, go on,
will you, please?

I just can't sit here in this..

Meanwhile, over in Capitol City

the sheriff had searched
the wrecked getaway car

but he couldn't
find the stolen gold.

So he locked up the two
crooks till he could get 'em to talk.

And the Duke boys,
with the loan money

had borrowed old
Cooter's tow truck

and was searching the
junkyards for just the right wreck.

Friends, now, that
takes a special eye.

Not a decent
chassis in any of 'em.

Hope we have better
luck in Capitol City.

We gotta have better
luck in Capitol City.

If we're gonna make that race,
we gotta find something soon.

- Rosco, did you hear that?
- What?

This here fella's
from Tennessee.

Looks like my fame
has spread far and wide.

If you keep munching those

that's not all that's
gonna spread.

Huh? Oh, don't be silly.

- I won't get fat.
- No?

No, sir, this stuff
goes right through me.

- Boss. Excuse me.
- Like a big white snow goose.

- Boss, I-I got you towel.
- Good. Give me my towel.

I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.

What a horrendous..

- I'll fix you up.
- Get off, get off.

Now, y'all watch close.

You see that yellow
wrecker, don't you?

Well, it's just delivered
the stolen getaway car

which has still got
you-know-what in it.

And it's just
been sold for junk.

Now, there ain't
nobody that don't know

what's about to happen.

- Howdy.
- Hey.

You can call it fate.

In Hazzard County,
it's called Dukes' luck.

But something led Bo and
Luke to that Capitol City junkyard

and right up to that wreck
of an old black Charger.

Sounds like a song ol'
Willie'd sing. Don't it?

Looks a little rough
underneath there, don't it?

How bad is it?

Well... if we get after
it with some tools

we could fix it up, I guess.

Front end's pretty banged up.

I think I could
straighten her out.

- Think that engine would fit?
- Yeah.

- Let's do it.
- Alright.

'Well that's step number one.'

'Got us a chassis and it
just might work out for us.'

Now, all we gotta do is
straighten out that front end

drop that engine in there

and get the dang
car to the startin' line.

We got two and a half days.

It's tall order, alright. But
we're gonna have to do it.

Uncle Jesse really stuck
his neck out for us this time.

How do we get into these things?

Clean livin', I guess.

Nah.

If the boys only knew
that hidden behind

the dashboard of the wreck
was $ , in gold-dust

well, they wouldn't know
how to spend it either.

Them Dukes are the
only people I know

that would have a
wreck with a wreck.

That was close enough.

Yeah. We almost
got sent to the pits

before we even started the race.

Let's drive back to
Cooter's, uh, slow and easy.

Meanwhile, the only
two people that knew

about the fortune
stashed in that wreck

are locked up tight
in the Capitol City jail.

Or are they?

That car.

Get outta here.

That's good right there, y'all.
You can drop it on down now.

Well?

Little worse than I expected.

I seen 'em worse than
this, Uncle Jesse, uh..

And we gonna
make us a silk purse

out of a sow's ear right here.

Well, Cooter, where do we start?

We start with some
acetylene torches

some crowbars and we
just go to bendin' metal.

While you boys are doing
that, Bo and me'll go to the farm

and pick up the engine.

'See y'all later.'

Friends, that's
serious sh**t'.

Now, during all this,
Bo and Uncle Jesse

had picked up the
boys' new engine

and was headin' back
to Cooter's garage.

Meanwhile, Boss was
gobblin' groceries with one hand

and road-testin' the Hogg
Hellcat with the other.

Uncle, Uncle Jesse.

You, look what you
made me do now.

You done scuffed that
sandwich beyond repair.

If you'd given me a bite,
we wouldn't be in a mess.

Now, back in Capitol
City, the gold-dust twins

had finally made the
rounds of the junkyards

and hit pay dirt.

Yeah, that's right.

Sheriff's office
hauled it in yesterday.

'b*at up black ' coupe.'

'Looked like it been
through a meat grinder.'

He was Glad to get rid of it.

Where is it? We want that car.

'Sorry, you're a little late.'

Uh, two fellas bought it
yesterday, right after. Huh!

They towed it away.

'Who were they?'

Come on. Talk!

We want names.
Where do they live?

I don't have no names.
It was a cash deal.

All I know, it was
two young fellows.

One was blond and
one was dark-haired.

They said they's from Hazzard.
They called each other cousin.

Alright now, friend

if you know what's good for
you, you'll forget you even saw us.

'I guess we head for Hazzard.'

'You got it, babe.'

Meanwhile, Cooter and the
Dukes had re-hauled and overhauled

that piece of junk into
something respectable.

But they still ain't
discovered the gold

stashed behind the dashboard.

These old leaf
springs look just fine.

I think them new shocks we
put on oughta help us out a lot.

That's good 'cause
if she gets to swayin'

she'll go out from under you.

- What are you doing?
- I'm welding the door shut.

What are you doing that for?

You weld the door's shut on
a racing car for safety sake.

How do you get in?

Climb through the windows.

Hmm, count me out.

Okay, everybody
time to take a break.

- Hallelujah.
- Put it right here.

Got you sandwiches
and coffee and cookies.

- It's about time.
- Yeah.

Whoa, look out.
Don't spill the coffee.

- Cookies?
- Alright.

Well this thing's starting
to look like a car already.

- How about that? Here you go.
- Some of that java.

How did your first day go?

Oh, not so good, Uncle Jesse.

I mixed up orders,
and then I managed

to spill a whole
tray on Boss Hogg.

Well that ain't so bad.

Sounds to me like
you did just fine.

Listen, we got a long
night ahead of us.

We better get back at it.

But I ain't even got
mine unwrapped.

I ain't even had a bite yet.

I'm taking mine with me.

Think you're gonna get this
thing started in two days?

We're sure gonna give it a try.

Mayonnaise?

And with the dawn,
came, you know who

on the prowl for Bo and Luke

and their wrecked getaway car.

Jiggle that engine
a little, will you?

That's it.

'That got it, ugh'.

Okay. I think I got everything
y'all need out at the farm.

I'll get into some work clothes
and I'll be right back, okay?

- See you later, babe.
- Ah.

Listen, the only way we're
gonna see that vehicle now though

is through those windows because
they got the doors all locked.

That's right, that's right.
Alright, well then listen.

Put that rope around
you, get down there.

I'll hold on and
you take a look.

- Alright.
- Come on.

Wrong, wrong! No, do.

I ain't gonna do that. No,
no. Listen. Listen, Boss.

- I'm terrified of heights.
- Yeah?

In fact, standing on a short
stump I get a nosebleed.

Alright, fraidy cat.

Listen, put the rope around
me. I'll go down. Tie it around.

'I got the front end done.
I gotta get to the back'.

'You know, this
reminds me of the time'

'Old J.D. and me built
a... a moonshine car.'

Alright. Alright, I gotta
get down there now.

Well, hurry up.

I can't get my foot
around. That's it. I got it.

Hold me tight. Don't let go.

Hold on, will
you? Hold on to it!

That's burning my hand.

So I said to J.D., "If I was you

I... wouldn't take that panel
off without draining that engine."

- Go on, take a peek.
- I will.

Oh, goody, oh.

- Oh! Watch this thing.
- Oh, oh..

No, no, no! Rosco, Rosco!

'Hey! I can't hold on.'

'Hang on.'

Old J.D., he said,
"Well, I'll just lower it

a little bit".

- I can't hold on.
- 'Hang on now!'

I can't hold on..

Hang on, Boss.

We'll slip a new
gasket in there..

And save all that oil.

Alright, let go, Rosco.

No, don't Rosco! Don't let go!

Don't let go. No!

- Hang on now. You alright?
- You alright?

Rosco, get on down here.

Get that rope off him.

Let me out of here. Let
me out of here, will you?

- Let me out..
- Watch your step now, Boss.

- Let me give you a hand there.
- Oh, no, no, no!

Put-put me down! Put me down!

What are you Dukes
trying to do, k*ll me?

From the looks of
things, we just saved you.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What were you
doing up on my roof?

'Trying to sneak a
peak at our racecar?'

Uh, uh... I'll tell you
what we were doing.

Rosco, come down
here and tell 'em.

- Little buddy.
- There you are.

'There you are. I'm
alright, I'm alright.'

Just tell these Dukes
that we were just making

a safety inspection of the
building under the code.

- We were?
- Yeah, of course we were!

- Of course we were!
- Get me out of here.

'I want you to give
Cooter a citation'

'for having an unsafe roof'.

Listen, uh..

You get a chance to see
that vehicle on your way down?

Would you hush up? Hush up.

- I didn't see nothin'.
- No.

So, listen, put a -hour
guard on my Hogg Hellcat.

These Dukes will do
anything to win this race.

- We gotta get back to work.
- Hang on.

We've been workin' all night.
Why don't you take a break?

Me and Bo will run over to the
coffee shop and get something.

That's a good idea.

Get me a couple of cups,
will you? With cream?

- Sure..
- You got it.

- Yeah, a-and... jelly doughnut.
- Yeah, you got it.

Uh, two jelly doughnuts.

He took the last pan nut out
and the pan didn't come down.

So he thought he'd
just tap it a little bit.

Well, he tapped it.

And quarts of oil
come down right in his face.

Sure did.

Ah, that's a good
one, Uncle Jesse.

Meanwhile, the baddies
had been in Hazzard

asking questions
about two cousins..

One dark-haired
and the other blonde.

They was told that it was
probably the Duke boys

since the only other
cousins like that

was Thurlow Westley's two mules.

Hi, boys. Uh, you got a second?

- We'd like to talk to you.
- Yeah. Sure, we got a second.

- Hi.
- What can we do for you?

It's about the wrecked
car you guys picked up

in Capital City yesterday.

You see, it got pulled onto
that junkyard by mistake.

It's uh, it's ours.

And, uh, we'd like it back.

Well, uh, sh**t, mister...

Please, fellas. It's
not worth anything.

And besides, we went on
our honeymoon in that car.

Yeah. You know, it's got
a lot of sentimental value

so... come on, how about it?

We'd sure like to help

but we paid for that car fair
and square. We got plans for it.

Come on, boys, we'll
pay you what it cost you

but we want that car.

Mister, uh, we need
the car till Saturday.

M-maybe after then we can sit
around and talk about it, but...

We ain't waitin'.

'Come on, move around the
corner and let's discuss this.'

- Come on, Bo.
- Come on, move it.

Friends, that must've
been some honeymoon.

Okay, boys, start talking.
Now, where's that car?

Remember, friends, this
old boy is a pretty fair sh*t.

Stay there.

Come on, Bo.

Hey, let's go over here.

Oh!

Oh!

I just don't get it.

What could be so all-fired
important about that car

that them two are hot under
the collar to get it back?

You heard 'em,
sentimental value.

- Uh-huh.
- If you buy that.

Let's head back to
Cooter's. Take the high road.

Alright.

Oh..

- Oh, where have you been?
- I lost them.

- What are we gonna do?
- Come on.

'How come you'd be
comin' in thataway'?

It's a long story, Uncle Jesse.
Cooter, Cooter! Wake up.

Listen, we're gonna talk
about it later. I gotta CB Rosco.

You got the coffee?

Rosco, this here's Luke
Duke. Come in, please.

'We got an emergency.'

Oh. Oh..

Uh, Rosco P. Coltrane here.

Uh, alright, state
your business.

'Look, me and Bo just
got sh*t at by some couple'

'we ain't never seen before.'

- You got sh*t at?
- Yeah, yeah, listen.

'Do you expect me to buy that?'

'Well, I don't.'

Listen here. I just
know this is a trick

so that I will get away
from Boss's vehicle.

And you can do
something to it. Come back.

Rosco, this ain't no trick.
We could have been k*lled.

'Oh, tiddly-tuddly.'

I'm not gonna buy that story.

See, Boss has told me

to stay hours on
guard on this vehicle.

And that's exactly
what I intend to do.

So you ain't gonna do nothin'?

'Now, I have
spoken. Over and out.'

Dang it all.

Trying to talk to that
Rosco is like talkin' to a rock.

What's going on here anyway?

Couple that owned
this car want it back.

They say it's got some
sort of sentimental value.

That don't give them no
right to go sh**t' at you.

We're gonna have to worry
about all that after the race.

Startin' time just keeps
on creepin' up on us.

Luke. Luke, come here.

That ain't the only
thing creepin' up on us.

'That them?'

'Sure is'.

Looks like they're
headin' out of town.

Or headin' back to the farm.

- Daisy!
- Oh, wait a minute..

Bo Peep, this here's Lost Sheep.

'Come on in, Bo Peep.'

I hear you, Bo, what's up?

Listen, we want you to get out
of the farmhouse. Get out fast.

There's a couple totin'
g*ns lookin' for Luke and me.

We don't want
'em runnin' into you.

Grab one of them bows and
arrows on the way out the door.

Now, even back then
the boys were on probation

and they couldn't
touch firearms.

Even to defend themselves.

So them bows and
arrows just had to do.

What I can't understand though

is what they want with
this old wreck anyway?

Well, there's only two reasons.

Either they wanna
put it somewhere

where nobody'll ever find it

or they got
somethin' hidden in it.

Well, we about had it torn
apart and ain't seen nothin'.

Whatever it is, we'll have
to worry about it later.

Race is tomorrow and we
ain't even fired up a spark plug.

We got plenty
of work left to do.

We're gonna have to keep
watch. Mind takin' the first shift?

No. You think you're
gonna get this thing started?

Are you kiddin'?

We'd better.

Now, here's what was happening'.

The crooks were searchin'
for the car and the boys

while the Dukes and Cooter
were workin' into the night

shapin' up that racecar.

And Boss' racer was being
guarded around the clock

by the entire Hazzard
Sheriff's Department

Ol' Rosco.

You see, back then
ol' Boss was so cheap

that he wouldn't even
hire a deputy sheriff

a police dog or even a
moderately alert chihuahua.

I knew it.

Rosco!

Oh! Santa Claus is
gonna steal Boss'...

- Huh?
- Oh.

- Oh, Boss. I-it's you.
- Yeah. It's me.

Oh... hi.

Hi? Hi? I'll "hi" you

right into the unemployment
office, you dodo.

Listen, if you fall
asleep on the job again

you're fired.

- You hear?
- Well, I won't.

- Alright. Now stay awake.
- I'll do it.

Me, I'm gonna have
a midnight snack.

Then I'm gonna get
a good night's sleep

so I'll be right sharp
for the race tomorrow.

- Oh, right!
- Yeah.

Well, nighty-night. Don't
let the bedbugs bite.

Ah-da-da-da-da! Huh!

They just don't make
grownups like they used to.

- Hm.
- Hm.

Hm.

Da-da-da-da-da!

Alright.

Hit it.

Hit it again.

Yeah!

- You did it.
- Yes, sir. We got us a horse.

Yeah, boy.

Hear that little tappin'
in there, Cooter?

A little tappin'. The
timing's a little off.

Listen, you two get after that.

We'll find some paint
to throw on this thing.

Uncle Jesse, that
thing sounds great, huh?

Is this all the paint
you got here, Cooter?

Well, this is all,
it's all orange.

Yeah, y'all, I am a little
thin in the paint department

but, uh, now that's a
nice reddish-orange.

You know, for eight years

I've been wondering
how that happened.

When the sun finally
rose on Hazzard

the mornin' of the big
race eight years ago..

The sound of a powerful
motor could be heard

comin' out of Cooter's garage.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

It's awesome. It's just awesome!

Yeah, and this old boy's
gonna run awesome too.

I love the way you put
that " " on the side.

From now on out, that's
gonna be the story of our lives.

We start out with nothin'.
It's number one all the way.

Amen. I'll tell you
somethin' else

Uncle Jesse couldn't have
come up with a better name.

After we put the rebel flag
on and that dixie horn in

there couldn't be nothin' more
appropriate than "General Lee."

Well, we only got a
couple hours till race time.

If we're gonna get a trial
run, we better get at it.

And Bo, listen..

I'm lettin' you drive this
thing, but you be careful.

Yeah, I'll be careful.

'Hey.'

Beautiful.

'Cousin, even if I
do say so myself'

we did a heck of a job
on that there engine.

You got that good.

We got a couple of
things to smooth out yet.

'Lost Sheep callin' Shepherd.'

'Lost Sheep callin'
Shepherd, come back.'

Uh, this is
Shepherd. I hear you.

Uh, uh... how's it going?

'We're doin' just fine.'

'Got a couple of minor
adjustments to make'

but why don't y'all
jump in the truck

and meet us over
at the Boars Nest?

A-a-any sign of
them gunslingers?

No, and we're keeping
our fingers crossed.

Hey, Uncle Jesse..

We think we got a
chance of winnin' that thing.

Listen, we'll get on over there
and get you boys signed in

and pay the entry
fee and everything.

And, boys..

I'm proud of you.

This is Shepherd. Out.

Hey, did you see who
was in that racing car?

That looked like
them two hick cousins.

And it looked just like our car.

Whoa.

Oh, sh**t. It's them again.

Pull over, you rubes.
We want that car.

Why don't you
just leave us alone?

We bought this car. It's ours.

Yeah, and this says
it's ours. Now, pull over!

Hit it, Bo.

Aw, dang it! Them
two never give up.

We left the dang bow
and arrows in the trunk.

Well, the General needed
a trial run. He's gettin' it.

Oh, great. The dang
bridge is washed out.

Oh, we got 'em now.

Why aren't you slowin'
down? We're gonna crash.

Well... wish me luck.

Bo!

Folks, this here is
a historic moment.

The first jump ever
made by General Lee.

It's okay, sugar.

We'll have to take the long
way around, but we'll get 'em.

You okay?

Yeah.

We just jumped a dang creek.

Yeah!

General Lee always
was a cavalry man, huh?

We built more into this car than
just plugs and pistons, I guess.

Fightin' spirit of the South.
Come on. We got a race to run.

Hang on, I'm gonna
get the bows and arrows.

'Cause I don't wanna
have to do that again.

General, you're somethin' else.

We jumped us a creek.

Hit it.

Jumped right over
that creek, didn't we?

Sure as heck did.
Right clean over it.

Woo-hoo!

And this is the Boars
Nest eight years ago.

Well, at least, it
didn't deteriorate.

And this is the start-finish
line of the big race

that's gonna either save the
Duke farm or plow it under.

'J.D.?'

Good luck to you.

J.D., the Dukes is
entering a car in the big race

and here's our $ entry
fee. Give me an application.

'You're enterin' the race?'

Jesse Duke, don't tell me that
you're serious and thinkin' that

you can b*at anybody in that
piece of junk you drove up in.

No, we're entering
the General Lee, Boss.

- 'General Lee?'
- 'General Lee?'

- Honey, General Lee is dead.
- Yeah.

Just like yours and anybody's
chances of beatin' me

and my Hogg Hellcat.

'Listen, if you happen
to have a vehicle'

that is so hot, and so
fast, where you hidin' it?

It's gonna be along
soon enough y'all.

Bo and Luke are
drivin' it over here.

Here's our entry form.

Well, Bo and Luke
just better get here fast.

On account of this here
race is startin' in five minutes.

And we ain't gonna
wait for nobody.

- Nobody.
- Now come on, Rosco.

You'll be announcing the
race from inside the car.

Oh, goody, goody gum drops.

I want you to practice
on your vocal cords.

Oh, I'll do that. Do-do-do-do.

No, no, no. Mi-mi-mi-mi.

Oh, do-do-do-do.

No, no! Come on, I'll
show you what to do.

I'll tell you, this is
startin' to get to me.

You think the
boys' got a chance?

Well..

All our hopes and prayers
will be ridin' with 'em.

To say nothin' of the
farm, and the pickup truck

and everythin' else we own.

Wonder what's keepin' 'em.

Oh, would you just stop?
Your voice sounds fine.

- Oh, good.
- Start the race.

Alright, gentlemen!

To your cars.

'Hold it, Rosco.'

Oh, good grief.

Now, you can't
start the race yet.

- Oh.
- The boys' ain't here.

- Oh.
- Yes, they are.

'Alright.'

- Oh, you made it.
- Yeah, we did.

Woo!

Well, what in the name of
all that's holy is this thing?

Boss, meet the General Lee.

- Oh, it's the General Lee.
- Oh. General Lee.

Well, it sure is the
ugliest color I ever did see.

Oh, ugly, ugly, ugly.

Ugly, huh? The only thing
you're gonna see of this car

once the race
starts is the tail-end

spittin' dust back at you.

- Oh, is that so?
- Oh?

- You hear that, Rosco?
- Oh.

These Dukes think they're
gonna b*at the Hogg Hellcat.

'Oh, tish-tosh, here.'

Listen, in fact, I
am so confident

that Boss' car is gonna
b*at this orange clunker

that if it doesn't, I will
cut off my mustache.

Yeah, and I'll eat my hat.

He'll eat his hat.

Alright, gentlemen,
you've got yourselves a bet.

Let's get this race started.

- Alright.
- Let's get started.

And I'll tell you what,
I'll even let Daisy here

wave the startin' flag.

'While at the same time,
you Dukes are wavin' bye-bye'

to your entry fee, your
loan and your farm.

We'll see about that, J.D.
We'll just see about that.

Alright, gentlemen,
start your engines!

- Alright.
- Come on.

- Good luck.
- Thanks a lot.

Alright, racing fans

this is your announcer and
sheriff, Rosco P. Coltrane

bringing you the Annual Hazzard
County Road Race Championship.

Now, listen, this is brought to
you absolutely free by H.B.C.

'That's Hogg
Broadcasting Company.'

'Daisy Duke will
now start the race.'

- Ready?
- Yep.

Let's go.

Hit it!

'Yee-haw!'

Alright. We're off, racing fans.

'Yeah, we sure are.'

'Alright, start with a
commercial, will you?'

'Oh, uh, alright, racing fans'

'now this program is being
brought to you completely free'

'by Hogg's Friendly
Fertilizing Company.'

'Uh, it's the
friendly fertilizer.'

- Remember, it grows on you.
- Yeah.

And now, back to the race.

'Yeah, some race.
Oh, my goodness.'

'Number is in the lead,
followed by number .'

'And then number ,
which is the General Lee'

'followed by .'

And then, of course,
there's , Hogg's Hellcat

which is bringin' up the rear.

- Yeah, but not for long.
- Not for long.

Dukes cut me off at the start.

Yeah.

Out of my way, you losers!

'Yeah.'

Now, is old Cy Morley.

And that's the very
moment he gave up racing.

There, that's one.

Uh, yeah, uh, racing fans,
number just crashed.

Get 'em, General.

Look out.

Hang on.

'I guess that
took care of them.'

Whoa! Uh, good news, good news.

Uh, uh, number and
number , the General Lee

'is now out of the race.'

Well, that tears it.

Looks like some kind
of road race going on.

You're right.

This must have been where
them cousins were headed.

'There they are.'

They ain't gettin'
away this time.

Alright, cousins, pull
over or you're dead.

Luke, this just ain't our day.

Alright, y-you got us.

'We'll-we'll pull right over.'

- Hit it.
- What?

Go!

Aim for a tire. We
gotta stop them.

Listen, you want marksmanship,
call Robin Hood, alright?

Look at that, Ginny,
a bow and arrow.

They've got to be kidding.

Hang on, baby. Hang on.

Alright.

You okay?

Well, looks like they're okay.

Argh.

Whoo!

Nice sh**ting, Robin.

Ah, I'll tell you what. You just
get after that Hellcat, okay?

Alright.

Whoa! Whoa..

- That does it. Hallelujah!
- Oh, goody, goody.

Oh, nobody can
stop me now, Rosco.

- Nobody.
- Includin' them Dukes.

Yeah, that ,
bucks is as good as mine.

Not to mention the Duke farm.

Come on, Rosco. What's goin' on?

What's going on
with Bo and Luke?

'Well, folks, the
race is about over.'

- Yeah!
- Hoggs Hellcat is number one.

Oh-h yeah.

Uh, and there ain't
nobody else in sight.

'And speakin' of sights,
just wait until you folks'

'cast your beady blues
on the colorful new sack'

'of Hogg's Happy Fertilizer.'

Hey, look at this.

It's a bag of gold dust, Bo.

Must've been stuck up there
underneath the dashboard.

Hey, you know somethin'? I
bet that's what them two is after.

You got that right.

We'll get into that later.
Right now we got a race to win.

Look at that, Rosco.

- The coast is clear.
- It's clear.

There's Boss up ahead.

And he's almost
at the finish line too.

Come on, General. Gotta
give it everythin' we got.

Don't fail us now.

Time for a little victory snack.

Oh, yeah.

Could I have a little chomp? Hm?

Well-well, alright. In
honor of the occasion.

- Just one little bite.
- Okay.

- I got an idea.
- What?

Think you could pull off
that jumpin' trick again?

Uh..

Yeah. With my eyes closed.

'Let her rip.'

Hang on, cousin.

- A-ah!
- It's the Dukes.

'Where did they come from?'

- Yeah.
- Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

Alright, alright.

And so the race
had a happy ending.

The Dukes won the $ , prize

and caught up a
little on their debts

was able to buy a new well pump

and even give
part of it to charity.

The road company Bonnie
and Clyde was apprehended

and confessed to
stashing the gold dust

behind the General's
instrument panel.

So that mystery was solved.

And last, but not least,
the icin' on the cake

is Boss and Rosco
paid off their race debt.

I think old Boss is beginning
to put on a little weight.

'I'll never forget that
day as long as I live.'

At the rate you're going,
that's gonna be a long time.

Hear, hear.

- See you all later.
- Alright.

We got you.
Impound that vehicle.

I love it. I love it.

We're gonna
impound this General...

You gotta catch us first.

Don't let them get away.

Now, don't just stand there.

- You know somethin'?
- What's that?

If they went away,
I think I'd miss 'em.

He may drive better,
but he ain't no smarter.

And that, friends,
is how General Lee

came to live permanent
with the Dukes.

And Hazzard County
ain't been the same since.
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