02x19 - Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

[bunniefuu]

(All speaking spanish)

It's not their fault, mom.
The blueprints are wrong.

Tell them it doesn't
matter whose fault it is.

- I just want them
to move it.
- (Arguing in spanish)

Okay, okay. Shut up now, okay?

All right. This is it.

La mesa... Esta...

We've already had this
conversation, mr. Stapleton.

(Speaking spanish)

You know, I've been
watching you, kid.

How would you like a job
for the next three weeks?

Kind of an after
school kind of thing.

I'll pay you five bucks an hour
for on-the-spot translation.

- Actually, I have
a job... I'm a doctor.
- (Electric saw buzzing)

Are you putting me on?

Only in l.a.

I can see how that can be a
little bit of a problem there.

What is this?

I know you said fresh.
They only had frozen.

Doc, I get a pain right here.

Hits me behind the shoulder
blades whenever I lift this arm.

Well, then, bill,
don't lift that arm.

Is there any way we
can hurry this job along?

- I'm going as fast
as I can, katherine.
- (Phone ringing)

Hello?

Yes, he's here, but he's busy.

No, I'll take it. It's
probably a tile man.

I'm having some
problem with delivery.

Yeah. I don't care if they're
having a big problem in detroit.

I want what I want. Yeah.

What I want is 500 on the
pistons against the lakers.

What kind of price
can you give me

On the knicks and
the trail blazers?

What is this,
caesar's palace now?

Honey, we knew there were
going to be some problems.

Yes, but...

I can't open my own
refrigerator, katherine.

Mr. Stapleton, you and I are going
to have to have a conversation.

David, don't antagonize him.

- They're almost finished.
- (Electric saw buzzing)

Give me 40 bucks on the knicks.

It will only make things worse.

How could it possibly
get any worse?

(Phone conversation continues)

- Hi, sweetheart!
- Mom?

I don't want to rain
on your parade, david,

But is that island
supposed to be there?

Stapleton: give me
that again, ron.

There's a lot of
noise going on here.

(Theme music playing)

Yeah, I finally
did it... Retirement.

- Wow!
- Great!

Lifelong dream.
No more blueprints,

No more blisters.

Yeah, this contractor

Has finally hung
up his tool belt.

Your father and I have
bought a motor home.

We plan on driving cross-country

From monterey to palm beach.

Room to let. 50 Cents.

But, of course, we had
to make this our first stop.

David: well, we don't
want to hold you up.

- America is
a vast country.
- (Humming)

- Is this pressed
wood in here?
- What do you mean?

- That's solid oak, mister.
- Solid oak, huh?

- Sounds pretty
flimsy to me.
- Who is this?

Why don't we go
into the living room?

(Electric drill whirring)

(Workers speaking spanish)

Doog, I hope you're not going
to be too busy these days.

I was hoping we'd get
to know each other

After all the
years we've missed.

- How long do you think
that's going to take?
- Calm down, david.

We're only going to
be staying the weekend.

Why don't you fly out and
join us later on, sweetheart?

We're going to some
wonderful places.

Have you ever been
to graceland, doogie?

You can look right
into the bathroom

Where the king keeled over.

That sounds like fun,
grandpa. I'll think about it.

Gosh, look at the time. I
got to get ready for work.

Doog...

I saw the winnebago
in the driveway.

I thought to
myself, "old people."

Is demon don back in town?

Yes, and he wants to take
me to elvis's bathroom.

What happens to people
when they get old?

It's like they lose
all sense of shame.

They make pilgrimages
to graceland.

They wear pink socks.

All they can talk about
is their aches and pains

- And ellis island.
- Tell me about it.

That is grandpa's
favorite story...

How the o'briens came
over on a boat from ireland

With nothing but a sack
of potatoes between them.

Same with my grandfather.
Just substitute naples and garlic.

And he wonders why nobody
would sit next to him in steerage.

And then, just when you thought
things were going to be okay,

- Along comes
the depression.
- Bread lines!

- No shoes!
- Everybody saving
paper bags!

Both: son, you don't
know how good you got it.

Oh! Oh, doog,

Uh, speaking of unemployment,

Do you think I could
borrow the chevy?

- My car is in the shop.
- Are you crazy?

You'll be lucky if my dad ever
lets you look at that car again.

Come on, doog!
Cut me a break here.

I mean, I already owe
your old man 2,500 bucks

For wrecking it.

- I got to hunt for work
to pay it off.
- Forget it.

Oh, man, I'm up to
my ears in debt.

I got no job, no car.

The most I'm going to
earn is minimum wage,

Standing over a vat of french
fries, wearing some dumb hair net.

Do you think I'm going to be telling
this pitiful story to my grandkids?

(Laughs) all right.

You know, I never get sick.

This is the first
time I've ever fainted.

There's a nasty flu going
around, but don't worry.

You're in good hands
with dr. Howser.

- (Southern accent) don't worry, honey.
- I love your accent.

Where did you say you were from?

Fordham, louisiana...
Small town,

But the people have the biggest
hearts in the entire south.

Well, mrs. Mcdonald, the
good news is, it's not the flu.

In fact, you're not sick
at all. You're pregnant.

Oh, god. Dennis, what
are we going to do?

- Shh, shh, shh!
- (Sobbing)

That's the big reason
she wanted to move to l.a...

Get away from all
the bad memories.

Well, how many children
in her family have d*ed?

Her brother d*ed
when he was four.

Her nephew didn't
make it to three.

But it wasn't
just nora's family.

It seemed like everybody in town
knew somebody who'd lost a child to it.

I can remember my grandparents

Talking about babies
who d*ed years ago.

Has there been
any research done,

- Any speculation
by local doctors?
- Plenty.

No answers.

The babies are born healthy,

And then they just
seem to waste away.

Anyway, when, uh...

Nobody could tell me and
nora what was happening,

We decided not to
have any children.

You can understand
that, can't you?

I guess what I'm
trying to tell you

Is that I don't think...

My wife and I are going
to want to have this baby.

Look, mr. Mcdonald, I
understand your anxiety,

But please don't make
any decisions right now.

Just give me some time to
find out more about this.

It starts with a loss of motor
functions at about six months.

Then progressive spasticity,
emaciation, grand mal seizures.

Okay, let's spitball.
Cerebral palsy.

It sounds like it, but in a
way, it's more devastating.

- These kids are all dead
before they reach five.
- Genetic disorder.

- A.l.s.
- That doesn't hit till
much later in life.

- Tay-sachs.
- No, that's passed through
eastern european jews.

This is a catholic
family from louisiana.

Muscular dystrophy.

I tested them. The serum
c.k. Was low normal.

I'm telling you, my best hunch is
environmental, some pollutant.

- Lead poisoning.
- No. I checked it out.

It's got to be something.

(Sighs)

(Beeps)

Look at that. There's a
six-inch gap under that one.

- I haven't leveled it yet.
- You couldn't level that
with a bulldozer.

- More coffee, mom?
- Yes, dear. Thank you.

Don: look at this pass-through
here. It's much too small.

Look at these
hinges. 85 Cents a pop.

- You're charging my daughter
a buck and a half.
- That's what it costs.

- Hello, sweetheart.
- I was hoping that
was the tv.

I'd like to take a
look at your math.

Where did you get your
contractor's license? From a catalog?

Stapleton: okay,
buddy, that's it.

Lady, life's too short.

Either he goes, or I go.

This man's a charlatan. This kitchen
would blow over in a strong wind.

- He's robbing you blind.
- I'm waiting.

Don: tell him, katie bug.

He's my father.

- Fine.
- (Whimpers)

- Fine? Not fine!
- Luis? Miguel?

- Sí.
- Okay.

Mr. Stapleton, you can't quit.

You're not finished, and
nobody would take over.

Please!

We can work this out.
We're civilized people.

Here.

Would you like
some orange juice?

- I found fresh.
- All the orange juice
in california

Couldn't make up for
what I've been through.

- Good-bye.
- Stop.

Please.

(Speaking spanish)

Stapleton: I'm only paying
you for half the day.

- (Groans)
- good riddance
to bad rubbish.

Dad, look at my kitchen!

Just thank your lucky
stars that I'm here.

Otherwise, you'd
really be in trouble.

Don dear, you are not thinking

Of doing this whole
job by yourself, are you?

Grandma's right, grandpa.
You're supposed to be retired.

This is a big project. You
can't do this by yourself.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

Ladies, meet the team

Of o'brien and howser.

Grandma: ah!

So there we were,
the five of us,

With nothing between us

But a few battered suitcases.

I was 10 years old.

We waited for hours in
that great immigration hall,

Surrounded by poles

And russians and italians,

All talking different languages.

Like the tower of babel.

They were like
the tower of babel.

Then there was the
medical examination.

Nail fungus.

This boy in front of me, he
had a bad case of nail fungus.

But...

What are you two doing?

This here's work.
It's not a sandbox.

Mr. O'brien, you
know, I am a student.

The most physical work I've
done all this year is erasing.

Put your backs into it.

That's the trouble with
kids today. They're soft.

When we got off that boat, it was
understood that I was going to work,

Even though I was barely old
enough to tie my own shoelaces.

We just had to
roll up our sleeves

And fend for ourselves.

Irene?

Is there any coffee
in that motor home?

Irene?

- (Door closes)
- (sighs)

Marone!

Doog. Doog, this is sl*ve labor.

It's like we're building the
pyramids without the oxen.

At least we're getting paid.

Yeah, sl*ve wages.

By the time I pay your father
back, he's going to be so old,

He'll be drooling
all over the check.

Just be happy, when this
is over, you get to go home.

I've got to sit there and listen
to my grandfather's stories

For the rest of my life.

I feel like I could
go on "jeopardy"

And sweep the blarney category.

You think that's
bad? Wait till we get

To the first house he ever built

And we go through that
thing board by board.

(Irish accent) there we
were, just the four of us,

With nothing but a few
rusty tools between us.

We lived on potato skins.

Actually, it was the depression.

We didn't even get the whole
skin. We just got the eyes.

One day, my uncle liam, he
gave me his potato skin and said,

"Here, son, I want
you to have this.

Keep it as a family heirloom."

That's the trouble
with kids today.

They don't know what it's like to roll
up your sleeves and eat a potato skin.

- Well, faith
and begorra to ya.
- I don't think that's funny.

So that's what you think
of your heritage, huh?

- No. Grandpa...
- Do you realize how different

Your life might have been if
we hadn't got on that boat?

Suppose you've been
too busy making fun of me.

Just a stupid old man,
never been to college,

And you're the big doctor.

You may have all the
degrees in the world,

But there are a lot of things
that you don't understand.

Grandpa, I'm sorry.

I'm proud of my family, boy.

I'm proud of what
we've accomplished,

- Pulling ourselves up
from nothing.
- I know.

I'm proud of you, too, damn it.

A man spends his whole life trying
to give his family opportunities

That he never had

'Cause he wants them
to be better than he was.

One day, they are better. They're
better educated. They're more successful.

Then they make him feel like
he hasn't got anything to offer.

That's not true, grandpa. I
know you can teach me things.

- You don't act like it.
- I'm sorry.

I was being stupid.

I shouldn't have
blown up at you.

Short fuse.

I understand. I've
got a short fuse, too.

Boy,

It's an o'brien legacy.

Frank o'brien, your
great-great uncle,

He was the worst.
They hung him for it.

For yelling at his grandson?

(Laughs)

No. No, he k*lled a man

In a bar fight back
in county cork.

Really? You mean, there's
a m*rder*r in our genes?

- Yep.
- Cool.

My grandfather told me this.

I mean, the whole
story, and he was there

For the execution.

Oh, yeah, they brought

Poor old frank out in a cart.

He was all dressed in white.

It was the custom of the day.

(Conversations overlapping)

And a big old strapping
fellow called patrick.

He was quite a character.

They said he had two
hands the size of two hams.

Now, is this patrick,
the bricklayer?

No, this was patrick,
the prizefighter.

I hope you don't mind
my saying so, mr. O'brien,

But there seems to be a strong
belligerent streak in your family.

An o'brien never
walked away from a fight.

Of course, the men
were all afraid of patrick,

But the women were all over him.

He was like an irish frank
sinatra. And that's the reason

He had to come to america.

He left his own country to
escape women? What, is he an idiot?

No. He had a
romantic streak in him.

- He just fell for
the wrong sort of women.
- That's my favorite kind.

- Was she married?
- Worse. She was
a protestant.

Their families wouldn't
let them marry,

- So they had no choice
but to leave.
- I can't believe it.

They had to leave their own country
because they came from different religions?

You read the history books.

You'll see that this
country was built

By refugees from
religious persecution.

Look, you have your catholics.

You have your puritans and
your jews. It was a terrible thing.

They came here afraid.

I mean, so afraid, they
changed their names

And hid their beliefs,
just trying to feel safe.

- Say that again, grandpa.
- What?

The last part about the
religious persecution.

Well, it was awful. Whole
families lost their heritage.

That's why it's
important to keep alive

- Where you come from.
- That's it.

That's it. Thank you, grandpa.

I got to go to the hospital.

Oh, sure.

He always pulls that doctor crap

Anytime he wants to
get out of anything.

- It never works
when I try it.
- (Chuckles)

(Indistinct
announcement over p.a.)

(Phone ringing)

(People chattering)

(Overlapping dialogue)

(Printer buzzing)

(Beeps)

Yes!

I did a lot of research, but kept
coming up against a brick wall.

Then my grandfather
said something

- That gave me the clue
to the whole mystery.
- What?

Well, he started talking
about religious persecution.

See, hundreds of years ago,

Jews from all over
europe fled to america

To escape religious persecution.

For extra security,
some of them moved

To remote areas of the country,

Changed their names, even
converted to other religions.

I'm sorry, but what's
this got to do with us?

Well, everything. See, there are

Isolated pockets of this country

Where people are of jewish descent without
realizing it, places like louisiana.

But, doc, our
families are catholic.

Well, now they are.

See, the disease you described
to me has all the characteristics

Of a genetic disorder
called tay-sachs.

But nobody suspected
it because tay-sachs

Is passed down in the genes
of eastern european jews.

So now you're saying that's
what k*lled my brother?

Nora, I'm sure of it. I
had your parents tested.

They're both
carriers of the gene.

A geneticist in new
orleans, a dr. Shapira,

Has found the same problem in
other communities near yours.

So then our baby has it, too.

I tested your blood samples,
and neither of you is a carrier.

There is no reason
to think your baby

Won't be born perfectly healthy.

Doogie: here, grandpa.

- David:
are we ready yet?
- Just a minute, dad.

Grandma: don dear, it's
getting cold out here.

Don: all ready, men.

Don: hit that circuit
breaker, doogie.

- Doogie: now?
- (Laughter)

Doogie: got it, grandpa.

- (Gasps, laughs)
- ooh.

Oh!

Oh, dad, it's beautiful!

Oh, it's elegant.

David: this is magnificent, don.

You've really done us proud.

I had some very good
men working with me.

Oh, dr. H,

I hate to introduce the
delicate subject of money

At such a warm family moment...

What do I owe you, vincent?

Well, let's see.

18 Hours at five bucks an hour,

That's...

105 Bucks.

90 Bucks.

Oh, right. My mistake.

Mm-hmm.

- $90.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

- Well, whew! That's
a load off my mind.
- Mm-hmm.

Only a mere $2,410 to go.

Vincent, when you factor in

The commitment and enthusiasm
you put into this project,

I'm inclined to call it, uh...

Even. What would
you say to that?

- I'd say, "thank you!"
- (Chuckles)

Oh, thank you! God
bless you, dr. H!

I love you!

Stand up. Stop it.

- You ever driven one
of these things?
- No.

It's like being
king of the road.

And you should see
the heads that turn.

- I mean, the girls go
crazy for this thing.
- I'll bet.

Come on, irene! The
open road's calling me.

Don't rush me.

Well, I guess we made
up for a little lost time.

More than a little.

I'm going to miss you, grandpa.

(Chuckling)

(Computer keys clacking)

(Theme music playing)

(Orchestra playing
vivaldi's "four seasons")