02x18 - It's a Desert Out There

[bunniefuu]

In 1972, a cr*ck commando unit
was sent to prison by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped
from a maximum-security stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Nineteen.

Twelve.

- Fifty-six.
- Max, that's us.

Come on 43.

That's all.

- That was close. Sorry, honey.
- Time for one more, Max.

Afraid not.

Gotta head for home, or you'll start
hawking your jewellery.

Listen up, folks, the bus is ready to go.

- I did all right.
- You did?

- Yes.
- You liar.

Don't worry, folks,
we'll be home in time for dinner.

Driver's taking us on a back road.

It'll be bumpy, but it's an hour shorter.

We'll just eat our candy bars...

and tell a few jokes. It'll be a blast.

Okay, I guess this is all of us.

Here we go. Okay, honey.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune,
do you read me? Over.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune,
do you read me? Over.

Fortune, this is Sun Dog, come on.

You've got a freezer heading your way.

- It's loaded with ice.
- That's a copy, Fortune.

The Iceman cometh. Out.

We are the Scorpions.
When we sting, you die.

Anyone left in this bus after one minute...

is gonna get some bad news.

Move!

All right, come on! Move!

All your money
and jewellery in the bag.

You heard him, get the money
and jewellery out. Put it in the bag.

Come on.

Come on, get it off and get it in here.

Now, you folks who want to die
before you need to...

just call the police when you get home.

Just remember...

we have your name, address, everything.

We will find you.

No! That's her wedding ring,
it's of no use to you.

No, don't.

This is B.A. Baracus,
I am Hannibal Smith, of the A-Team.

Call them in, B.A.

Come on in, fellas.

You really showed up.

Max, the A-Team.

I didn't think you guys were real.

Now, you told Mr. Lee...

that you thought the Scorpions knew
exactly where that bus was going to be?

They had to know.

You're not gonna wait around out there,
all day, for just anybody to come along.

Why didn't you go to the police?

They told us that if we called the police,
they would come after us.

So, everybody in that bus
was scared to death.

We're all still scared to death.

We figured you would be our only chance.

Nice of you guys to finally call.
We weren't getting any younger out there.

Don't say it.

Mr. and Mrs. Klein,
you've just hired the A-Team.

That's wonderful.

That's wonderful, Max!

God bless you.

Slow down, B.A.

Miriam said they hit the bus
right around a sign that said...

highway resumed in 5 miles.

That looks like it.

- Small world.
- Yeah.

Okay. Pull up here.

Yeah. Look at those tracks.

Perfect spot for an ambush.
That bus was a sitting duck.

Right. And now we're going
to check and see if Sid's Oasis...

is where the old folks
were turned into targets.

- I'm close, right?
- You knew I was going to say that.

Of course he did. He's telepathic.

It's a gift given to all of us...

thousands of years ago by extraterrestrials.

You know, "Phone home."

Telepathic?

You sure it's not just
I know Sid's comes before Vegas...

so why not try there first?

That's just the kind of cynical resistance...

to child-like wonder
that's held man back for centuries.

We were looking for vehicles
with lots of horsepower, big wheels.

They don't need a road,
they make their own.

That means that they could
be anywhere around here.

We'll bring them out of the woodwork.

How are we going to leave
a trail of crumbs...

if they've got all this land to hide in?

That's easy.

It's Uncle Ned.

The Neon Natural.

Eight. Eight, easy.

- Eight's the number.
- Hard eight.

Hard eight? The only system in craps...

is the system whereby the house
collects all the money.

Now, besides, Hannibal...

I ought to be rolling the dice.

These hands have had the gift since birth.

With me, it didn't stop at the hands.

Eight. Two fours. Eight hard. Pay the eight.

♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪
♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪

♪ Baby you're a rich man now ♪

♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪
♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪

♪ Baby you're a rich man now ♪

♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪
♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪

♪ Baby you're a rich man ♪

You're being watched by a gal
with L. Palmer on her name tag.

Man is hot. He's got hands,
folks. Get your bets down.

Eleven!

Eleven. Yo lev, winner lev. Pay the line.

Uncle Ned,
Aunt Sophie will have supper waiting.

You know what she did with the beans
last time we didn't show.

Let her roll, boy!

When a man's on a roll, let him keep rolling.

Come on seven!

Sev, pay the line.

Nice badge.

You buff it yourself?

Yeah, when it needs it.

Let's see the low.

Eleven!

- Elev, yo lev.
- All right.

Let her ride!

Is he always this lucky?

Oh, yeah. With Uncle Ned,
it used to be poker.

He got bored with poker,
now it's always craps.

He just loves to throw things.

You're a whole lot nicer
than your average pit boss.

Tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind
putting all my chips on your number.

I'll just take that as a compliment.

- Thirty-three!
- Six, another winner!

Pay the line.

Is this an official visit?

I just came over to see
what all the commotion was about.

Somebody get me a tray!
I gotta carry all this cash.

Come on, boy. Time to go.

Time to hit the highway.

I don't know if know anything
that can hold all the cash...

I'm gonna get when I cash these in.

That man always goes home a winner.

Where is home?

- Near L.A.
- Really?

Would you like a travel tip?

I've never turned down a tip, yet.

There's a back road about 10 miles
across the state line.

It'll hook up with the interstate.
It'll save you an hour's driving time.

- Ten miles across the state line?
- Right.

- Thank you. I do appreciate it.
- You're welcome.

- I'll see you.
- Bye-bye.

Okay, Mr. Party Animal.

I have time for one more.

This time, I want the cherries jubilee.

Murdock, let's go.

Please. You don't have
a change purse, do you?

You know, something with
the face of a squirrel on it.

Murdock, winning isn't everything.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune, come in.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune, come in.
Do you read me?

Fortune, this is Sun Dog, come ahead.

You've got a shipment of lettuce
heading your way.

Be sure it doesn't spoil.

That's a copy, Fortune.

Over and out.

I think our little floor show will bring out
the local critics.

Get out of sight, guys.

- Car trouble?
- No, thanks, we got some.

That's real cute. Get out!

Give me all the money
you're carrying, or die. Your option.

The money is locked in the back.

Drop your weapons!

Okay, Darth.

I'll tell you how it is.

We know where you are, and who you are.

You hit anybody else out here...

we'll come back and bury you.

Meanwhile, we're all going
to take a little ride.

Pick up some jewellery that belongs
to some friends of ours.

Senior citizens.

You hurt an old man named Max...

and you hurt him right about here.

Grenade!

Those guys were prepared, Colonel.

Too well prepared.

Grenades. Smoke.

We're gonna find out why.

Come on, Hannibal. There is no way
she's gonna believe me...

going all the way back there
just to be friendly.

Not after all this.
She knows what happened out here.

Face, you surprise me.

Where is that indomitable thrust?

You can go in there and convince her...

that you can turn cabbages into carriages.

You're magic, kid. Right, B.A.?

Yeah, man.
I get the chills just by looking at him.

All ready to go, Sergeant?

Ain't good as nothing.

It won't be good as new till I find
the suckers who sh*t the tire.

And the fools who tried to blow us up.

Oh, Frowning One...

don't you realise
that's just your human side talking?

That's just stray signals
from a mass of grey ganglia...

located somewhere
in the left hemisphere of your brain.

Hannibal, this fool has blown
his manhole cover for good.

Très naïve.

Why don't you recognise?

Why won't you accept and understand...

that the gentle, poetic, and tender...

space-faring side of yourself
wants you to reject...

these feelings of revenge?

Only thing I'm gonna reject is you, fool.

If you don't drop this crazy space rap,
I'm gonna drop you for good.

Fool.

Howdy.

What are you doing here? You...

- I thought you left.
- Overheating problem.

I just had to come back.

The same thing happened to my vehicle.

You're serenading the wrong person.
It's not worth it.

- Hold on.
- Wait, don't get serious. I'll break your heart.

Then why don't we just stand here
and make faces at one another.

Faces?

It's a little crowded in here, don't you think?

Yeah. I just...

I just hate crowds, don't you?

You want to tell me why?

What do you mean? Why what?

Why you're so surprised?

I mean, you are a very attractive woman.

Thank you.

It's just that...

when a man finds out that I'm a pit boss...

he doesn't stay attracted very long.

Really? Boy, I don't know. I mean...

maybe it's just me...

but I find you very mysterious.

Like you were hiding some secret
only you knew about.

You want to swap...

incredibly personal secrets?

You know what I do want to do?

Make a phone call.

I have to phone in the tally.

I'd let you come in with me,
but it's real classified.

A lot of things about you are classified.
I like that.

It's frustrating.

You might not like...

all those things that you think I keep secret.

You know what...

I just found a gamble I'd love to take.

- The tally.
- Right.

Face activated the bug.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune,
do you read me? Over.

Fortune, come in. This is Sun Dog.
Come on.

What is going on out there?

That high roller's nephew
just walked back in.

Did you hit the van or not?
What is going on?

We hit it all right.

They got the drop on us.

You got a fix yet?

We were lucky to get out of there
without getting our heads blown off.

We have located the planet...

where this garbageous material
is emanating, Colonel.

Do you think they're cops?

From the way they look, no way.

The nephew is waiting for me
outside my office.

He's coming on to me pretty strong.

What do you want me to do?

Just put a lid on him.

Make sure he stays there
until you hear from me.

Whatever you say.

"X" marks the spot.

That's right outside Sandstone Cliffs.

Let's go.

You lied to me.

You said you took those g*ns in to Smithy.

We had an opportunity and we took it.

You're trying to work
your stupid side action, Jackie-boy.

And you keep stepping
in your own stupidity.

I don't need that from you, man.

Who got the drop on you?

On the radio you told Lila
that "they" got the drop on you.

I don't know.

Somebody, you know.

They said it was those people
that we hit. Those old people.

You're not supposed to hit a soul.

You ever do that again...

and I'll take you out so fast,
you won't make a sound when you fall.

Understand?

Understand?

- Yes, sir.
- Good.

Jackie-boy.

How does it look, Murdock?

I think we have about a half-mile, Colonel.

- Wrong. Try 50 yards, sucker.
- Get out of here, B.A.

- Murdock, give me a r*fle.
- You got it, Colonel.

That's the same van.
Something's going down.

Tomorrow we move camp. Problems
arise, but the operation goes on, right?

Absolutely.

Those guys are on full-scale manoeuvres.

They're up to something
more than just ripping off tourists.

Like what, man?

Face will find out for us.

I hope.

There's something about champagne,
isn't there?

Yeah, if you do it right.

More.

You're really working on me here.

It's good stuff. Must be imported. Europe?

Cheers.

Yes, Fortune, this is Sun Dog. Over.

Sun Dog, this is Fortune.

Flagg, is that you?

Yes, it is.

Did Burke tell you that I was
to take a customer out here?

- Yes, I know.
- He's out.

- He should be out for 10 to 12 hours.
- Don't worry about him.

By the time he wakes up, we'll be long gone.

- Everything will be over with.
- Can't wait.

Listen to me.

I want you to go out to the jail...

and say hi to Al, like you always do.

Routine.

Keep him relaxed and happy.

He'll love the surprise he's going to get.

Believe me.

- Hi, honey.
- How're you doing?

I'm doing okay. How're you doing?

I'm doing great.
I'm sitting here in the Hilton.

I'm having the time of my life.

Would you not get upset?
We've only got a few minutes.

I told you we're not gonna see each other
till I moved to L.A.

I'm very sorry.

Al, I just wanted to see you, that's all.
I miss you.

I'd believe you miss me
if you'd do what I told you.

- What are you really doing here?
- I just...

It does not have to be like this.

Can we please just treat each other nicely
for a change?

What do you like, seeing me like this?

You get some kind of rush out of this?

I was just thinking about the fact...

that you're being transferred.

Maybe I can get a vacation...

in a couple of weeks
and come to L.A. and see you.

That's all I was trying to say.

That's all.

That's all you're trying to say.

- What's really coming down?
- Nothing.

Nothing. I just...

wish we wouldn't argue
every time I come to see you.

- Let's go, Driscoll.
- Al...

I love you.

I'll just have to come back later
to see my client.

He's real moody. He doesn't like
social gatherings, either. Sometimes.

It doesn't matter though.
I have to go to court.

I got a big case. There's this guy...

who insists that he's in league
with extraterrestrials.

A lot of wackos out there.

I think I'll just go this way. Thank you.

Don't worry.

She probably still thinks you're asleep...

like a goo-goo back at the office.

If I hadn't seen her
put those pills in the glass, I would be.

Al Driscoll? Why does that sound familiar?

I think I ought to give Tawnia a ring.

No Murdock. On the telephone.

I want to check
into the old journalistic data bank.

I think we ought to get out of here first.

You do have something
on Al Driscoll?

He's got a book full of credits.

Just the highlights, honey.
I'm in a hurry.

Right.

We're talking armed robbery,
interstate flight...

assaulting police officers, note the plural.

General as*ault, grand-theft auto.

We thought this guy wasn't a good citizen.

What about the Scorpions?
Any connection?

Best for last.

Driscoll used to be their leader,
till he got busted.

Now he's being extradited to L.A.
to talk to someone at the D.A.'s office.

That can't make the rest
of his little Scorpion buddies very happy.

They probably don't know.

It's not common knowledge.

Oh, yeah. Then how did you find out?

It's something Ted slipped to me.

- Ted?
- He's a Deputy D.A. I know.

Listen, Face...

you should pick me up
at the nearest airport...

so I can get a great story.

Even an interview on this Driscoll guy.

The answer is no.

As in foolish, impossible and say hi to Ted.

Did you know...

that you can lose your gaming license
for fraternising with a known criminal?

Like, say, Al Driscoll, for instance.

You're making a very big mistake.

You're in a bad spot, lady.

Right in the middle.

Between your boyfriend...

and the Scorpions.

He is a friend of mine. I went to visit him.

That's the only relationship there is.
End of story.

He used to tell the Scorpions who to sting.

When he gets extradited to California...

he'll turn State's witness.

Against the Scorpions.

You know, I can have you all arrested
for forcing your way in here.

Lila, we think you're the kind of girl
who gets real nervous...

when bad guys with m*rder weapons
start pushing on you from both sides.

Something big is going down
with the Scorpions.

They're out there practicing like an army.

They don't have to do that
to rob some half-sauced tourists.

You know what I think?

I think you're in it with them
and you are the finger on this hit.

Hit?

What're you talking about?

The only thing I wanted
was just to get Al free.

You're just making a herd of mistakes, lady.

- What do you mean?
- They're going to turn Al into powder.

The Scorpions must've guessed
he's going to L.A. to confess.

- He wouldn't do that. He's their leader.
- He was their leader.

They've got a new leader now.

Somebody who does not
want to be number five anymore...

or serve 20 years in the slammer,
if you know what I mean.

So, when they get close to him...

your Al is going to wind up in a box
with heavy make-up.

That's why they carry all those weapons.

They don't carry all that stuff
to break somebody out.

Unless they want to rub someone out.

Listen, the only thing I wanted to do
was get Al back, that's all.

Your chances for that are from zero to zero.

Unless, you tell us
what the Scorpions' plan is.

Why should I trust you?

Because you can't trust those creeps...

running around
in those motorised trash cans, that's why.

- It's supposed to go down today.
- When?

During the transfer,
when he's on the bus at 3:00.

- Is there time?
- Is there ever?

We appreciate your help. If I were you,
I'd get home and lock out the world.

What're you gonna do?

If I explained it to you,
you wouldn't understand.

We've rehearsed the operation...

and we all know what to do with it.

We move in here...

and here...

and we corner them.

Exactly like we practised it.

There's only one difference.

Next time...

it's for real.

Face, I don't believe it. A whole bus full?

All but just one little red-head.

- She just wouldn't...
- Sergeant...

- we got two hours.
- No problem.

Howdy.

Somebody call for a limousine?

I.D.

We're 15 minutes early.

We get here on time, we meet the real bus.

- Your R&T has expired.
- My what's expired?

- Release and Transfer authorisation.
- I have my extension right here.

- All right, my man.
- Right.

- For a minute, Face, I thought you blew it.
- No way.

I had the R&T expired on purpose,
so I could pull out the extension.

A whole lot more believable,
don't you think?

Not bad.

You don't understand, Officer.

I've got the full authority of the paper
behind me.

You're denying the freedom of the press!

Here they come.

- What's up?
- SOP, buddy.

- You don't want any stowaways do you?
- No, I sure don't.

You, come with me, please.

Open that.

Face.

Thanks.

What are you looking at?

It isn't everyday I get to spend time
with a deposed king.

Ever hear of Louis XIV?

That's you. The target.

What're you talking about?

The Scorpions, your Scorpions...

are planning on wiping you out,
this afternoon.

That's bull.

I don't know what you're trying to prove.

But there'll be a time and a place
where we'll settle this.

Sure. If you live long enough.

I have to talk to Hannibal...

about putting me in the desert
with nobody but you, sucker.

You use that word quite frequently
in reference to me.

- I'd like...
- Here they come.

What's going on?
What're you doing to the bus?

This is an anti-Scorpion bite kit.

Colonel.

We either got some luggage here
that's ticked off or...

How clever.

- Hannibal, I didn't plan it this way.
- No kidding.

You didn't plan on hanging on
with your fingers and toes...

and you didn't plan
on almost getting us caught.

Murdock, give me a radio, will you?

I had to get a story
when I saw one, Hannibal.

When you didn't feel you needed me,
I had to follow my own plan.

I'm thrilled to know
that you are you're own person.

- Hannibal, are we going to be here all day?
- No, we're almost ready.

Now, here's the plan.

- You mean I'm on the mission?
- Yes.

It's like the All-Star game.
Everybody gets to play.

Now, take this radio. Get in the van.
Keep close to it...

till you hear from us.
And then, come in fast.

- Got it?
- Got it. Thanks, Hannibal.

All right, let's get out of here.

Stand by.

Hey, you!

You got good posture.
I'm sure your mama's proud.

But, I don't think sitting up straight
is appropriate for this occasion.

The man said hit the deck, jack. Hit it!

You think I'll get home
to make dinner for Charlene?

If you have a microwave.

Hannibal, we got company.

Everybody, mount up.

Your friend Driscoll's inside, chained up.

When he gets through singing,
you can all look forward...

to a long stretch in the slammer.

These cops will see to it.

Have a nice time.

Goodness, I feel just like 19 again.

This is just like our first wedding day.

Give or take, how many years was it?

Never mind.

The important thing is,
you got the ring back.

Tawnia, are we going to be hearing about
Driscoll and the Scorpions for a few years?

Not very likely.

I checked the wire before I got here.

Even as we speak,
Driscoll is being whisked to scenic L.A...

to talk his little heart out.

The cops have enough on those guys
to make them ancient history.

I thought history
was the accumulated events of mankind.

Otherwise, it would've been
in the papers, right, guys?

You want to read something in the paper...

you check out tomorrow's obituary column.

We just wanted to thank you people again.

I didn't think you would
ever get our stuff back.

It's about that time, guys.

Miriam, Max...

thanks for the cake.

- Hannibal, don't be rude.
- Rude?

Rude. Our interstellar predecessors...

have told us
that in moments such as these...

we should have cooked bread.

That is their quaint way of telling us
to have a toast.

- Hear, hear.
- That's a very classy instinct.

- Now, if I may...
- Love.

To say that love is important...

is only the beginning.

Love is as precious as the finest jewels.

Murdock. The essence.

Essence. Right. Okay.

Here is my multi-purpose essence toast.

Wash them molars...

and douse that throat...

but don't drink too fast,
or you'll get the bloat.

I heard that in Baltimore.

I guess I drank too fast.