02x19 - Chopping Spree

[bunniefuu]

In 1972, a cr*ck commando unit
was sent to prison by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped
from a maximum-security stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Hi.

Here you go. Enjoy your lunch.

Hey!

This ain't your car.

Any trouble?

Some jerk parking attendant
decided he'd play hero.

You'd think it was his car.

Mr. Friendly,
it just came in.

All right, good.
Hold off on chopping it.

I have a buyer in Vegas who's waiting.

Now, there's an Alfa one of my sales people
sold off the lot last week.

316 South Cabrillo Drive.

Tell Payne and Simms
I want it done by tomorrow night.

I'm shipping out a load of parts
at the end of the week...

and I want it chopped and ready to go.

Right.

Hey, Tony!

The bum thinks that if he burns me
they'll elect him mayor.

I'm only gonna get one chance at this guy.

Everything's got to be right.

Cops will never be able to tell it apart
from the real thing.

They better not. It's my ticket in.

You got two days.

Hi, kid.

Hannibal.

Face, Murdock, B.A., what...

Yeah, we heard about your trouble.

Thought we'd look into it.

I said, if you stole the car
you'd be on a bus on your way to Florida.

Maybe I should be.
I don't have a job...

I got the cops hanging all over me...

and forget about getting a reference
from my last employer.

Now, these guys...

who took the car, are they the same ones
who stole the car before?

Yeah, I think so.

What was it you and Donny said, B.A.?

About when I get out of the stir...

how things were gonna turn around for me
if I worked hard at it.

Yeah, well they sure did.

Look, Davey, don't go around
feeling sorry for yourself.

Your brother, Donny, believed in me
when I was a kid in trouble...

and now I believe in you.

B.A.'s right.
You got a bad break.

We'll try and straighten it out.

Now, are these guys pros?

These guys had a lot of practice.

Which means we're dealing
with a professional operation here.

I don't know, Hannibal.

You know, we're supposed to be
in Jidda, Saudi Arabia.

The prince is real anxious to get back
those two wives of his...

that were kidnapped by the Bedouin sheik.

Also, he's wiring to our account
one million riyals.

- That's nice.
- Isn't it?

Hey, man, I don't want no riyals or reyals,
whatever it is.

I want cash money.

Which, at the current rate of exchange...

comes to $430,000, thank you very much.

Right. So we still have five days.

63.2, Colonel.

This is Murdock's gardening therapy.

He's getting back to his roots, so to speak.

Daddy Murdock is here...

with his magic growing powder...

and he's gonna make you grow up
to be big and strong for...

Grow, B.A., grow.

I don't need to grow, fool.

Face.

Get hold of Tawnia.

See what she's got
on current auto theft rings.

Right, I'm on my way.

Davey.

Congratulations, kid.
You just hired the A-Team.

According to information
Tawnia gave us...

there were nine car thefts
in the last three months...

that could be our guys.

All of them expensive cars
ripped off restaurant parking lots.

I marked down the locations. Interesting?

Very.

B.A., would you mind
turning down the heat a little?

The little guy's leaves
are beginning to sweat.

Murdock, put the plant to bed.
We've got work to do.

You got a plan, Hannibal?

Yeah, we're gonna cover the perimeter
that these guys hit.

Hannibal, that's an awful lot of territory.

Well, not if you've got the right bait.

Oh, no. Come on.

You can't do this to me, Hannibal.
Not my Corvette.

I just got it Simonised and tuned.

Well, I'll tell you,
if we had another great-looking car...

but we don't.

These guys are probably working
for a chop shop.

You know what they'll do to my car?

I'll be looking for my fender in Detroit...

while some guy's buying my carburettor
off a shelf in Kansas City.

Kansas City.
I don't think I ever been to Kansas City.

I'll park it myself.

Thanks.

You're doing it again, Face.

Didn't Hannibal say to leave your keys
in the ignition?

It's one thing to park out here in Siberia,
but to leave the keys?

Try not to think about it.

- Enjoy lunch.
- Enjoy lunch.

I'm glad when we get lucky, man.

I'm tired of riding around
looking at restaurants.

Patience, B.A.

Everything comes to those who wait.

Face, if you're gonna jump
every time you hear an engine...

you're gonna turn into a nervous wreck.

You're right.

And if I eat in any more restaurants,
I'm gonna lose my figure.

This is the sixth lunch
I've had in the last two days.

Looks like we might get lucky.

It's going down. Let's go.

Going somewhere?

Now, would you mind telling us
what you're gonna do with that car?

Hey, you know something? Wrong car.

That's my car.

Hey, man, he's taking my van!

B.A., will you stop acting
like a crybaby?

Wait a minute.

The little guy's in the van.

They've got my plant!

He's been plantnapped.

They'll probably cut off a leaf
and send it to me to prove they've got him.

Hannibal, we got to do something!

What happened?

- Two guys. They took it.
- Thank heavens!

They took my Vette?

- No, the van!
- They took the van and the Vette?

They took the van and not the Vette.

Hannibal and B.A. got in the Vette
to go after the van.

And they took my plant.

I'm gonna get them. They got my van.

If I don't get my ride back,
I'm gonna be talking to you.

Relax, B.A.

You think I'd let anything happen
to your van?

Don't worry, B.A. We'll get them.

Man, I can't believe this is happening.

Nobody messes with my ride.

This wouldn't have happened
if not for your so-called fast car...

that can't catch nothing
when the chips are down.

All it is, is just a piece of junk
you use to pick up the girls.

What do you want, B.A.?
The tire was sh*t out.

I want my van!

Come on! Admit it.
You just don't like my car.

You're right. I admit it.
I don't like your car.

- And I ain't too crazy about you, either.
- Yeah?

Typical 20th-Century
unenlightened male conflict.

Both of you fighting over
an inanimate object.

What's this crazy man talking about now?

B.A., somewhere out in this
inhospitable, polarised world...

a little plant is shrieking for help.

It's withering in the heat, alone.

If we want the van or the plant,
we better get moving.

You're right, Hannibal.
Chop shops don't waste any time.

I've seen cars hacked to pieces
in 20 minutes. Ruined.

What happens to what's left inside...

Never mind, I can't bear to hear it.

They're put into the oven.
Cooked alive, like little pork chops...

until they turn into tumbleweeds,
then they roll away.

Where's the local chop operation
around here?

You used to boost cars.

- Who's plugged in?
- I'll tell you.

I don't even know if this guy's
around anymore, but if he is...

Tiny Roscoe has done business
with just about everybody.

He used to run a cycle repair shop
over on Pico.

He's a huge guy.

Gentlemen, we're gonna see Tiny Roscoe.

Who's Tiny Roscoe?

- Who wants to know?
- Me, fool!

Me, too, sucker!

A little nocturnal auto supply, Tiny?

Some people paid
some good money for this.

Unless, of course...

it came out of that chariot over there.

Look, you didn't even tell me
what you want yet.

Answers.

We want answers!
For instance...

how is it such a big guy is called Tiny?

Answer that one, blimp-face.

I don't know nothing.

Yes, you do.

Who specialises in ripping off
expensive cars from restaurant parking lots?

I don't know, man.
It's not my kind of action.

B.A., would you give me a hand here?

Now.

Unless you see some future
for yourself in being an omelette...

I suggest you speak up.

You're talking about major league stuff here.
I don't handle anything that big.

Who does?

All right, look.

It's just a rumor, but it's a rumor
I heard a few times.

Tell us. We're incurable gossips.

Friendly.

Sam Friendly.
It sounds like his kind of chop operation.

The guy plays both ends.
He brings in stolen cars from out of state...

and then he sells them off his lot.

Buy a car from Mr. Friendly,
drive it around for a couple of weeks...

and then while you're taking
the little lady to lunch...

He steals them back
and chops them up for auto parts.

Kind of a circular poetry there.

Man does like to milk the cow, Hannibal.

Indeed.

I don't care about no cow, Hannibal,
I want my van back.

And Murdock wants his plant.

- His what?
- Shut up!

Thanks, B.A. Thanks a lot...

Shut up, fool! Don't push your luck.

Come on, we got things to do.
We've got to get out of here!

- You see, I told...
- He's gone bonkers, Hannibal.

Personally, I think he's more concerned
about my plant than he's admitted.

I don't think they're really gonna
chop your plant.

I mean, what's to be gained, a salad?

Of course, the van, that's another story.

We could safely assume that pretty quick
it's gonna end up as a charm bracelet.

Gonna break some bones, man.

- Somebody got to pay.
- That's Friendly.

We'll go over to his place
and see what we can dig up.

All right, man.

As long as I find them dudes
before they touch my ride.

But Sam, if we do that,
all those other orders go into overtime.

Everything is dropped
except the Victor job as of right now.

Security's gonna be extra tight
and the cops will check everything.

The car has to be an exact duplicate,
you understand?

Look, do I do good work or not?

Leave it for later.

We got to get that other job done first.

What do you think you're doing
taking these people for a drive in my car?

The Denvers? A lovely couple.

Been married 40 years.
Only had one argument.

It was about meatloaf.
Isn't that something?

Anyway, I just took them
for a spin in the chariot of their dreams.

Sort of helped them
make up their mind, I think.

Hey, Jack. Get this flake out of here.

Wait a minute. Now, tossing out
the best salesman you ever had...

before he gets a chance to close the deal.

You must have money to burn, Mr. Friendly.

Sam.

Those folks are gonna take that sedan.

Who do you want me to write this up for?

Look, give me a week, huh?

I'll be out selling every plaid coat
you got standing around on this lot.

- A week?
- Right.

You got a day, big sh*t. Coat not included.

Now I know why they call him Mr. Friendly.

Thanks.

What do you think?

I won't be long.

But do k*ll the pistons, would you?

Keep your eyes peeled. I need my van.

See anything you like?

Hannibal, this is disgusting.
Me selling used cars.

You know what that does to the
self-esteem of an artist like myself?

Poor chap. Sales not going well?

Not going well? I had to slow down
so half the stiffs around here...

don't think my customers are setups.

By the way,
Roscoe was right about Friendly.

Half the cars around here
don't have papers on them.

I need...

a dozen stretch limos.

Six black, six silver.

Loaded. As you Americans would call...

wall-to-wall, bossa nova.

A dozen stretch limousines?

Yes.

You see, I'm promoting this rock concert
at the stadium on Tuesday.

Heavy metal, light metal, every metal.

I don't see anything, though.

I do hope you chaps can help me.

I mean, this concert...

is going to be a gigantic happening!

You understand?

We like to think we can handle any order.

- Sam Friendly.
- Call me Johnny B.

I do hope you can help me, dear boy.

I haven't got all day.

Just cut a master disk.

Extremely valuable, you understand?

As a matter of fact, perhaps we could
tuck it in your safe while we ink the pact.

As you probably know,
piracy is k*lling business.

You do hear Cashbox and Billboard
out here, don't you?

Mr. Peck, you know where the safe is.

Be careful.

Now, Johnny B. What I don't have
on my lot here...

I can always get.

- Good.
- It may take a few weeks...

but I don't see any problems getting them.

Excellent.

Shall we say $50,000?

As a deposit, dear boy.

As a deposit.

Perfect.

Johnny B. is ready
for his attaché case.

Sure.

- Thanks.
- My pleasure.

Here you go, Johnny.

Thank you, dear boy.

It's been a real pleasure, sir.

Sammy.

I shall call you in two days.

And do get in touch with my secretary.

I'll leave half a dozen tickets...

for backstage at the concert.

Just tell her...

Johnny B. said it was okay...

and doors will open. You know what I mean.

Well?

No van.

Step on it.
Face will call us as soon as he gets off.

You know, B.A.,
your gold looks really good on me.

No, it don't.

Man, I never thought I'd get a coffee break.
Did you get it?

Play it at a slow speed, Face.
You'll hear the tumblers.

Can you do it later?

Yeah, I'm working late.

How you doing, big guy?

We should have taken that job
in Saudi Arabia.

Then all we'd have to worry about
are camels.

- Cindy, hi.
- Hi.

I have a copy of a loan agreement
I'd like you to put on file.

Oh, sure. Just leave it on my desk.

Thanks.

Five...

eight...

three.

I hope you don't mind.

I was just looking at the cars
in the photograph.

Yeah, well, Mr. Friendly
likes expensive cars.

I've been wanting to do that
from the moment I first met you.

Looks like we've got a lot in common.

- Really?
- Pumpkin.

Did you get what you were looking for?

I know what you're thinking.

Look, I can explain everything. See it's...

It's one of those foolish,
crazy things you always read about.

Take him out back.

My chiropractor is gonna love this.

Want to tell me why I find you
in my office with my lady...

in under 10 words?

Your lady? Cindy's your lady?
Hey, I didn't know.

You know what I do with guys
I find messing with Cindy?

Believe me, if I knew Cindy was your lady...

I never would've even looked at her.

The last thing I want is to get caught
messing with the boss's girl.

Oh, no.

You wouldn't want to put your best
salesman in the hospital, would you?

Yeah?

- Problem?
- Well, I don't know. It could be.

He says his daughter's been
begging him for a Porsche.

Brand new, all the extras,
including a vanity mirror.

The kid's serious.

On top of 12 limos,
he wants a Porsche now?

Incredible.

This guy's a walking Christmas morning.

Hey, talk about luck, huh?

This guy's gonna make our year
in a single day.

You tell him his troubles are over.
We'll have it for him...

quicker than he can say speed trap.

Speed trap. Right.

- See anything?
- No.

All I see is a crazy man
asking me a stupid question.

I know you're upset, B.A.

I mean, it's especially understandable
to someone like me who's experiencing...

his own personal...

sorrow and despair...

but check it out, man.

Best way to deal with this...

is not to think of the source of pain as such.

Just clear it out of your mind, totally.

Just like one of them little fizzies that you
drop in a glass of water, you know?

Want a bite? Chopped liver.

It's beautiful, Face, the way you
Photostatted old Sam's schedule...

before we got there in the limo.

Well, thanks, Hannibal. I do my best.

How come he punched you
in the eye but he didn't fire you?

He may be mad but he's not stupid.
I sell a lot of cars.

According to this schedule,
there should be a truck arriving any minute.

- Full of hot cars.
- I'm gonna enjoy this one.

The trucks are coming.

Now, climb down nice and easy.

Probably doesn't even have a permit, right?

I want you to give your boss,
Friendly a message.

Tell him he ran into mechanical difficulty.

I suggest he retires
and watch out for guys like us.

Let's go, Murdock.

Nobody muscles my action and rips me off.

Listen...

I want those jokers found
and put on ice permanently.

And don't stop working on that project.

Your deadline
is in a couple of hours, Dirksen.

Mr. Friendly,
Johnny B.'s here for his Porsche.

It ain't here. Tell him it ain't here.

But he's gonna...

What do you want me to do, give birth to it?

It's not here!

- Yeah, but I'll tell you...
- Now, listen.

You're such a terrific salesman
and everything.

You want a promotion? You want a raise?

You go out there and you get him to wait.

But...

I'm real sorry.
It's gonna take another couple of days.

No Porsche, no deal.

Got a problem.

Johnny says this junks the deal.

If he doesn't get a Porsche
by this afternoon.

I got those cars on order already.

Believe me, I really feel bad for you.

But the guy kept staring at me
through those...

jazzy music business
sunglasses, you know?

Kept telling me that he places a lot of
value on a man being as good as his word.

Now, frankly, I really don't think
there's much I can do.

All right, just wait here for me.

Yeah, it's here, Sam,
but you're making a mistake.

It just got off the street
three, four days ago.

I know where it's been, jerk.
Is it road-ready?

Yeah. Nothing wrong with it.

Good. Get it ready, polish it.

Muffle the noises,
glue it together, the whole mess.

Couple of days we can pick it up
and fence it out of town.

Your ball game, Sammy.

Thank you and hey...

call me that name again and I'll cut
your face off and sew it on upside down.

Hey, Johnny B.

Listen, I'm really sorry
about this misunderstanding.

We've got your car.
It's gonna be here in just a little bit.

How about this?

Listen...

I hate guys that punch me in the eye.

You're gonna take us
to see your friend Dirksen.

And off the subject, you really
ought to change your name. Friendly?

I mean, that's ridiculous.

Get in.

All right.
How'd you guys know about Dirksen?

We got him, B.A.
We'll be right there to pick you up.

Move it, fool! I want my van back.

Mr. Friendly, I've decided
to give you my notice.

You know how it is.

I just feel we haven't been
getting along very well lately.

Okay, Murdock's in place to cover us.

We're ready.

Let him through.

Move!

All right, boys.

Your chopping days are over.

You're a very lucky man.

I could have been real mad.

Really mad. But...

as it stands, I'm in a pretty good mood.

Drop the pieces!

Oh, boy.

Wish I was sunning
on the banks of the Nile right now.

These clowns thought they could
muscle into our operation, Mr. V.

Ripped off today's shipment
and tried to close us down.

And it looks like they were doing
a pretty good job of it.

What about our other project? Any trouble?

Mr. V.

Mr. Tony Victor.

Up for a grand jury inquiry
pretty soon, huh?

Tax evasion?

You know.

That's way big Al got it, Tony baby.

You got quite a mouth, pal.

Maybe I ought to do something about that.

I owe these guys.

Yeah, sure. Why not.

Retire them with flowers.

Okay, put on the uniforms.

Flowers.

I don't know
what my wife did to it.

I don't know nothing about cars.
I sure am glad you came for it.

Boy, I'm just a dummy
when it comes to mechanics.

Whatever you can do,
I'd be real grateful.

Check that oil while you're at it.

I don't like being late for funerals.

We don't have much time.

Okay.

You guys wanted to see
my other operation so bad.

We're gonna show you.

All right, hold it right there.

Now, before we drop
your blood pressure, boys...

I want to know who you work for
and why you're here.

If you want us to tell you what you
need to know before you bury us...

you've been eating
too many nut rolls, fellow.

You must be watching
too many old Cagney films.

I said talk!

Or what, you'll k*ll us?

Tell them we're closed.

We're closed, buddy.

Oh, sh**t!

Isn't it the case, man?

Every time I want something
this place is closed.

It's enough to make a guy feel paranoid.

All right, drop the hog irons, pilgrims.

Well, look what we've done.

Look what we've done,
and look what I found.

Now, where's my plant?
Has anybody seen my plant?

Murdock, it's in the van, nice and safe.

It's a good thing. I don't know what
I'd have done if they hurt the little fellow.

I'm gonna use your body as my car bumper.

When I get finished with your boss,
Mr. Un-Friendly, I'm gonna take care of you.

What we want to know is,
what is Tony Victor up to?

- You talking about the gangster?
- Yeah.

Him and two of his hoods dressed as cops
pulled out of here in a squad car.

He said something about
not wanting to miss a funeral.

The question is, whose funeral?
And why go as cops?

Remember Tawnia telling us
that Judge Holloway d*ed last week?

That was the judge that was
sitting on Victor's grand jury.

Holloway's funeral's today...

and the DA who's coming hard
down on Victor is gonna be there.

Victor's not crazy enough to try and take out
a DA at the judge's funeral.

You're right, he's crazy enough.

I think we better pay our respects
to the dearly departed...

before there's a whole lot more of them.

Face...

look at that old hearse over there.

What a great way for four wanted guys
to get into a funeral full of cops.

Nice day for a funeral.

Hey, I don't like cemeteries. It's too quiet.

It won't be for long.

Judge Holloway's services
should be up there, with that group.

There they are.

It's those guys at Dirksen's.

Colonel, we got company!

Now, that's gratitude for you.

Yeah, but it was
a terrific funeral.

Hey, what do you know,
we just nailed Tony Victor.

Thank you, guys for helping me.

It was a pleasure.

It makes my day when we put guys
like Tony V. and Friendly in the slammer.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to buy
no used car from that fool.

Now, you get it together.

You don't have to worry about that, B.A.

Looks like it's time to say our farewells.

Aren't you coming, B.A.?

Are you joking?
I don't say goodbye to no plants.

Hannibal, we had such good times
together, you know?

Captain, we all have to go out
on our own sometimes.

I know.

The little guy's gonna be all right, Murdock.

He's got plenty of fresh air,
sunshine, nice view.

Thanks, Face.

I'll stop by on my way home from work
and look in on him.

Appreciate that.

Well...

I promise you...

I'll come back to see you every year.

Don't you laugh at me now.

We'll just sit out under that old warm sun,
you and me together and we'll, you know...

Well, you be good, now.

And I want you to be nice
to dogs that pass by in the night, okay.

Hey, B.A...

don't you want to go
say goodbye to the little guy?

I don't talk to no plants, sucker.

But he's almost a member of the team.

He used to watch over the van
when it was afraid and alone.

Like I said, crazy man,
I don't talk to no plants.

Can't you go over and say, see you?