03x21 - The New Look

[bunniefuu]

Boy, you really know antiques.
You know, you're incredible?

- Yes, I am.
- That's some buy we got on that clock.

Okay, Bob, Watch it.
Don't scratch it.

Watch it. Watch it. Don't scratch it.
In it goes. In a little farther.

In a little farther. Watch it.
Hold it. Wait, wait, wait.

Right, right there. Watch it.
Uh, will you watch that dolly too, Bob?

I rented that in my name.

So I'd like to take it easy.
I like to return things the way I got them.

- Howard?
- I'm a very responsible person.

- Howard?
- I like to take care of my things.

- Howard?
- I have albums that are years old...

and they don't have
scratches on them.

Howard, can we talk about
your record collection later?

Oh, yeah, right.
Uh, when would you like to talk about it?

Later!

Oh, Bob, that is really beautiful.

What could be better
than a grandfather clock?

A grandfather watch.

Well, where you gonna put it?

Well, I thought we'd put it
by the bedroom door.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. It'd look nice there.
- Yeah.

No, no, no, it won't fit there.

- Oh, it won't?
- No, uh-uh. Oh, how about over there?

It'll be out of the way,
but it's still prominent.

Emily]
Yeah, that's okay.

No, no, no,
that's not good either,.

- Well, then where else can we put it?
- How about down?

I'm sorry, honey.
just put it over there for now.

I'll give you a hand. Here.

Thank you, Howard.

Okay.

One, two, three!

We're, uh- We're a great team, Howard.
You know that?

You know, Bob, I really think it would
look better by the bedroom door.

Tough.

Well, I guess we can
leave it there for now.

The whole room's
gonna change anyhow.

- The whole room? Wow.
- [Emily] Uh-huh.

What's it gonna look like?

Well, we're gonna have
new drapes and new carpet.

We're gonna enlarge that doorway.
We're getting rid of the bookshelves.

And we're gonna get
all new furniture.

I know howl can
save you a couple of bucks.

You can get some of that
new fun plastic furniture.

Uh, this pilot friend of mine has a couch
that looks like a banana...

and a chair that looks like a strawberry
and an ottoman that looks like a tangerine.

Let's get it. That way you can sit
on the fruit of your choice.

Howard, we're going for a look
that's warm and eclectic.

Electric? Oh, that's great!
I love electric furniture.

We can have races.

Eclectic is a mixture of new and old,
but we're going mostly old.

- You know, mainly antiques.
- But we can still have races, Howard.

: tomorrow morning,
and don't be late.

- The best stuff goes first at those estate sales.
- Okay.

Uh, look, since you're
getting new furniture...

I could take some of
your old stuff off your hands.

- What do you mean, take?
- Well, you know...

stuff you don't need,
like, uh, table and sofa...

and canned goods.

Well, there's a half empty bottle of root beer
in the refrigerator.

- Oh, is the bottle refundable?
- No.

Oh, well, then I don't want it.

Bye, H owa rd.

It's not ticking.

“Emiiy ma
- I w/u/vy

Yeah.

College graduate.

Let's set it, Bob.
What time is it?

Uh,just about : .

Okay. All right.

[Chiming]

Oh, Bob, isn't that beautiful?

[Clunking]

Well, no wonder it was so heavy.
There's a dead body in there.

Well, you know, I don't know.

I don't know, Dr. Hartley.
I really like working for that company...

but how can they send me
to a hellhole like that?

Well, where do they
wanna transfer you?

Hawaii.

It's where the home office is.

Well, that makes sense.
I mean, it is a coconut company.

And we're branching out
into novelty items.

You know, carving animals
out of coconut shells.

They want me to head up
the monkey division.

Well, that sounds like
a good opportunity.

Uh, I'm not sure Hawaii is exactly
the hellholeyou think it is.

I'm really gonna
miss Chicago, you know?

The wind, the sleet...

the slush...

the smell of the stockyards.

Mr. Herd,
the stockyards are gone.

Then what is that smell?

I don't know.

Well, uh, whatever it is,
I'm gonna miss it.

I'm afraid our time is up, Mr. Herd.
Uh, you know, I envy you though.

I mean, tomorrow I have to leave for
a psychologists' seminar in Winnipeg...

and it's supposed
to be below zero.

Oh, below zero.
Beautiful.

That's coconut-freezing weather.

I guess you're off to the land
of swaying palms, huh, Mr. Herd?

- Don't rub it in, Carol.
- [E/e vator Ding; ]

Oh, hi, Mr. Herd.
Boy, it is freezing out there.

- The wind cuts through you like a Kn*fe.
- Yeah, isn't it wonderful?

Bob, I'm glad I caught you. I need your opinion
about some things for the apartment.

Well, Emily, anything you pick out
will bejustfine.

Oh, honey, I want you
to see it first.

Well, I'm sure whateveryou pick out
will bejust perfect.

Oh, no, I want you to help me make
some decisions. Could you look at some samples?

Oh, I love redecorating.
Especially when it's someone else's money.

Uh, now this is for
wallpaper for the kitchen.

- What do you think of that one?
- Fine.

- Or that?
- Fine.

- Or that?
- Fine.

Gee, I thought they were
all too busy.

Well, so am I, Emily.
I'm just gonna leave it to you.

- [ Phone Ringing]
- You're bailing out?

- I'm not bailing out. I'm really very busy.
- Dr. Hartleys office.

- Wait.
- Uh,just a minute.

Bob, it's the service station. They just
wanna know if you want your oil changed.

Oh, gee, I better
talk to them about that.

Uh, I'll take it in here.

- You are bailing out.
- Hi, Emily.

- Oh, hLJer. Excuse me.
- Excuse me.

Carol, is this my mail
underneath all this debris?

- I'll bring it in in a minute,jer.
- First things first.

You know, forget about business.
You've got paint chips to look at.

Well, goshJer, I should have thought
of that this morning...

before I picked up your laundry,
called your mother to cancel dinner...

sent flowers to the hospital
for your aunt...

and picked up the tickets
for the hockey game.

[Clears Throat]
Well, that was before : .

I mean, what you do
on your time is your business.

Well, this is not Carol's stuff,
so don't blame her.

But by the wayJerry,
what would you say about this carpet sample?

I'd say, uh,
“We're Mr. and Mrs. Smith...

and we just need the room
for two or three hours.“

- [Clicks Tongue]
- Uh-huh. Uh, well, what about the olive?

Oh, that's great, for a barracks.

Why don't you go drill somebody?

I'm not trying to be negative here.

It's just that all the stuff
you showed me so far stinks.

- Nothing negative about that.
- Thanks for your help,jer.

- Anytime.
- Listen, Carol, I want you to look at this magazine.

You see, there are pictures
of famous people's houses.

You know, to get the feel
of what I'm going after.

See, this is
Harry Belafonte's living room.

Oh, Emily, that's wonderful.
Oh, slipcovers open to the navel.

[Both Laughing]

You're not finished yet.

- Did you decide on the oil?
- Yeah, I decided on the oil.

Now I have to decide
whether I want to pop for the oil filter.

I really wish Bob wouldn't duck this.
I shouldn't have to make these decisions.

I'll get him out here.

Emily, I'm really glad you decided
on the imported fabric.

Believe me, it's worth
the extra $ , .

- Too late to get in on this?
- You finished?

Yeah, I didn't want to
pop for the oil filter.

We can't afford it.

Oh, Bob is gonna be so surprised
when he comes back from Winnipeg.

When he left,
just the carpet was down.

They hadn't even started
construction on the doorway.

- I love it! I really love it!
-You do?

Yeah,your old dining room table
looks great in my place.

What do you think about this table?

Oh, you mean, your new old table.

That's nice, but not as nice as your
old old table, that was yours, that's mine.

Well, Howard,
that's very nice of you to say.

That was very hard
for him to say.

- But I meant it. - Oh, Howard, I
changed my mind about that suede chair.

So, if you still wanna buy it,
it's for sale.

Oh, wow!

I didn't think Bob
would let it go.

Well, uh, he doesn't want to,
but it doesn't fit in anywhere.

Oh, well, I couldn't take
a man's favorite chair.

Could I?

Why not?
You've taken everything else.

Well, I, uh,
wouldn't feel right.

- How much?
- $ .

Do I get to keep everything
that's underneath the cushion?

- Yegyou do.
- Well, then it's a deal.

I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get my checkbook.

Uh, Ellen, would you
bring the chair, please?

Right, Howard.

- Ellen, did you know Howard was such a-
- Scrounge?

Hi, honey, I'm-

Holy smoke.

Hi, dear.
Well, what do you think?

Uh, let me take your coat.

just, uh-just put
your suitcase down.

Come on in, and, you know,
take your time.

Take a good look.
Let it all sink in.

Uh, how was the convention?

Holy smoke.

Uh,well?

Uh, the convention was fine.

Oh, well, well, uh-

Okay, uh, how about it?

Oh, hi. Hi, Ellen.

Hi, Bob.
You want a drink?

Yeah.

A drink would be good.

Well, come on, Bob.

- Holy smoke.
- Bob, is that good or bad?

Uh,just, uh-
just let me sit down...

and just get my bearings.

Hi, Bob. Welcome home.
It's good to have you back again.

Ah, don't sit in that chair.
That's mine.

- Yours?
- Yeah. Here's your check for $ .

$ . You sold him
my favorite chair for $ ?

Yeah, that includes
the tax and the ottoman.

Emily, I love that chair.
I've had a lot of good times in it.

I know, honey, but it just doesn't
fit in with the decor.

Emily, I had that chair
before I had you.

Well, I think maybe
we'll just come back a little later.

We'll let you two enjoy
your new apartment by yourselves.

I can pick up the chair anytime. Remember,
anything you find underneath the cushion is mine.

- Come on, Howard.
- That was the deal.

Uh, look, Bob.
I know it's all a shock, you know.

I mean, all the furniture
is new and the construction is done.

And, I mean, new carpet, new drapes.
New this, new that.

Go ahead, honey.
Sit in it.

It's a copy of a Louis XV,
and it's upholstered in satin.

Uh, how is it?

It'll be fine when I buy
some nonskid pants.

Honey, did you see
the stuff on the wall?

It took Ellen two days
to find that ox-yoke.

She got lucky, huh?

You know, I think it all worked out
beautifully, Bob. I just love the colors.

Oh, uh, honey,
this is a campaign bed.

I think there are only three
in all of Chicago.

- And we got one of'em.
- Yeah.

Well, uh-

just sit back and relax.

What, um-

What- What campaign was it in?

Bob, it's just a new way of sitting.
Youjust have to get used to it.

Just starting to get the-

- get the hang of the old way.
- What way was that?

The way where your feet
go all the way to the floor.

Oh, I see.

But I guess comfort
isn't the be-all and end-all.

Bob, I happen to be
very comfortable.

Well, I'm glad somebody is.

You hate the whole apartment,
don't you?

[Sighs]
Emily-

“Hate“ is a very strong word.

You use “hate“ to describe
your thoughts about h*tler.

I mean, this isn't
as bad as h*tler.

This is more like, uh, Mussolini.

Bob, I rushed all over
Chicago for weeks...

trying to make this a place
we both could be proud of.

I don't know, Emily.
I guess it's just the-

the furniture.

And the colors.

Otherwise, everything is fine.

[Chiming]

[Clunking]

There is one more thing.

[Clock Chiming]

[Clunking]

- Don't say it, Bob.
- [ Mumbles ] What?

- And don't pretend you're asleep.
- [ Mumbling]

You brought it on yourself.

Emily, what are you talking about?

Our apartment,
and you have no right to complain.

Who would I complain to, Louis XV?

Bob, that chair happens to be
a copy of a museum piece.

Well, then let's put ropes
around it and have tours.

That's not very funny, Bob.

It's the best I can do
at : a.m.

So you did hear the clock chime?

I heard it clunk.

Well, I had to make
all the decisions.

And, Emily, some of the decisions
you made were very good.

- Like this bedroom.
- I didn't even touch the bedroom.

Good decision.

I've made another decision.

I have decided you're gonna
have to live with the furniture the way it is.

Why can't we send it back?

Because we bought it at an estate sale,
and the owner is dead.

He probably k*lled himself
sliding out of that satin chair.

I like that chair, Bob,
and I like that couch and I like that room.

- Well, what about me?
- I'm not crazy about you.

All right, Emily.
I have to admit that, uh...

well, I could have
been more helpful.

No, you had to get
your oil changed.

Well, I'm sorry, but, I mean,
I do live in this house...

and I'm not gonna live in a room
where I might get hurt.

So move.

You know, you're behavingjust like
I did last Tuesday night in Winnipeg.

- What were you doing?
- I was being stubborn.

I was in a poker game,
and I kept betting on a losing hand.

I mean, I should havejust folded
and taken my loss...

- like we should do on that furniture.
- How are we gonna do that?

- You take an ad in the paper. You sell it.
- I don't wanna sell it.

Then burn it.

All right, Bob. I fold.

I toss in my hand, but you're gonna
have to help me get rid of that stuff...

and you're gonna have to
help me pick out new furniture.

And from now on,
you and I are in this together.

It's a deal. Now let's get to sleep
before it's five o'clunk.

Aka)'-

Bob, how much you lose
in the poker game?

$ .

- Whatb' you have?
- Pair of deuces.

There you go.
I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Hiya. Still got the diving table?

That's a dining table.

Oh, well, the ad
in the paper said diving.

Well, that's a misprint.
It's dining, and it's been sold.

Well, what about
the “ganderfeather“ clock?

That's been sold too.

Come on, Maury.
Let's get outta here.

No, wait, wait.
Let's look around.

Hey, look at this
wall thing, Dorothy.

Maury, that's junk.

Uh, excuse me, but that ox-yoke
is over a hundred years old.

Oh,just our luck.
Last week our ox ran away.

- Let's see what's in here.
- That's our bedroom.

Right. Thanks.

- Hi, guys. How you cloin'?
- [Emi/Jw] Not bad.

Oh, you sold
your ganderfeather clock.

Yeah, we got lucky. We sold it five minutes
before it was about to strike twelve.

- Well, you don't have much left.
- Well, we do have this nice satin chair.

Oh, sounds like
a sales pitch to me.

No, at this rate,
I'm ready to give it away.

- Well, that's a good price. I'll take it.
- Oh, really.

Besides, whenever my mother
comes to visit...

she complains she never
has anyplace to sit.

- She won't be able to sit in that.
- Good. She won't stay so long.

- Say, how much you want for the shower curtain?
- They're not for sale.

Put back the shower curtain, Dorothy.

Hey, Bob, how's it going?
Where should I put these here?

How about on your canjerry?

Come on. You're having a sale.
I figure I could get rid of my snow tires.

Jerry, we're selling antiques.

These are antiques.
Theyre off of a ' Hudson.

They should go like hotcakes.

Say, my wife wants to know
if we buy both lamps...

would you throw in
the shower curtain for nothing?

Nothing in the bedroom
is for sale.

Then what are we doing in there?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Some sale.

Listen, Bob, on the snow tires,
don't take any out-of-state checks, huh?

Emily, I gotta go.
ler, will you help me with my new chair?

Sure thing.
What did you pay for this, Carol?

- It was free.
- You were robbed.

Well, we did pretty good, Bob.

We got rid of almost everything, except now
we're gonna have to sit on the floor.

- I'm not. I'm gonna get my chair back
from Howard. - Where am I gonna sit?

Well, we'll find something.
Let's go across the hall and browse.

No, honey. Bob.
I really don't want that old stuff back.

- But I want my chair.
- I'm not sure Howard will sell it.

- Well, we gotta go now.
- Already?

Yeah. We left our kids
at a garage sale.

- Yeah, just our luck, we won't sell 'em.
- [ Cackles]

Oh, look, Maury, a refrigerator.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Say, how much
do you want for the refrigerator?

- It's not for sale.
- Look, everybody's got a price.

- No, it's really not for sale.
- Well, come on. ? ?

- What do you want? Tell me.
- A thousand dollars.

- Nine hundred.
- Fine.

No, no, no, Maury,
it doesn't even have an ice maker.

Oh, well, then forget it.

- How about these snow tires?
- $ , .

- What?
- Apiece.

Come on, Dorothy.

[Sarcastic Chuckle]

Honey, you wanna go
to a movie tonight?

Are you kidding,
and leave my chair?

- [Knocking]
- Get that, will ya, honey?

Oh, sure. I wouldn't want you
to leave your chair.

Hi, guys. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.

Oh. [Chuckles]
Kinda looks like home.

Well, your stuff
looks great, doesn't it?

- I want my chair back, Howard.
- [ Laughs]

- How'd the sale go?
- Pretty good. We almost broke even.

If we'd sold two snow tires for $ , ,
we would have come out ahead.

- I want my chair, Howard.
- [ Laughs]

I guess with all the antiques gone,
there's not much furniture over there now, huh?

Well, look, if you'd like my lamp,
it's down in the locker.

Get outta that chair, Howard.

- You're serious, aren't you?
- I want my chair back.

Hey, a deal's a deal.
You saw me give Emily the check.

Get outta that chair, Howard!

Okay. Okay.

You can have your chair.
I'll sell it back to you for $ .

Howard, you only paid for it.

Oh, yeah, that's right,
, that's right.

I'll sell it back to you for $ .

And here's your change. It was in the chair.
Take that too. That's yours.

- Keep the change, Howard.
- Thank you.

Do you want me to help you
pick out some new furniture?

No, no, no. Bob and I are gonna pick out
the new furniture together.

- Aren't we, Bob?
- Right.

Emily, get the chair.

- [ Chattering]
- Oh, Bob, Bob, please.

I already had
two doughnuts this morning.

Hey, Bob, that's really nice of you,
selling my snow tires door-to-door.

Jerry, you were supposed to leave
your trunk unlocked sol could put the tires in.

Oh, yeah.
Well, here are the keys.

Well, here are the tires.

Yeah. Carol, when you get a minute,
would you mind-

- No.
- Or I could do it myself.

[Elevator Dings]

Say, would you like to buy
some snow tires from a ' Hudson?

No. Do you want to
buy a coconut carved like a monkey?

- No.
- Oh.

Well, Mr. Herd, how was Hawaii?

Oh, a typical tropical paradise.
I hated it.

- Did you get to the beach?
- Yeah, but I sat with my back to the ocean.

That's showin' 'em.

Well, I guess that means
you'll be leaving the coconut company.

No, no, I'm gonna be staying
right here in Chicago.

- I'm gonna be in charge of the macaroon division.
- Good.

No, I can't think of anything worse
than living in Hawaii.

Seems like a nice place
for a vacation though.

[ Mews]