06x18 - Easy for You to Say

[bunniefuu]

I wouldn't worry, Mr. Carlin.

A lot of people do it.

Yeah, but I do it eight
or nine times a day.

Well, I still wouldn't say
it was, you know, strange.

Oh, yeah?

How about you,
Peterson? Do you do it?

Well, I didn't think I'd do it

after I got married,
but sometimes

when Doris is out of the house,

I break down.

Bakerman?

Certainly not.

My mother taught me

that good girls don't
do things like that.

How about you, Hartley?

Me? No, uh, no.

Hartley.

I have never kissed
myself in my mirror.

Come on.

Well, maybe once,

but I was practicing
for the prom,

and I was, I was in a tuxedo.

And we're paying
him money to help us.

Well, why don't we pick it up

with that thought next session?

We've run out of time.

I believe that
whatever a person does

in the privacy of his
own home is all right.

But I think you're
all a little bit kinky.

Mrs. Bakerman,

if you tell Doris I
kissed that mirror,

I'll tell everybody about your
fantasy with Grandpa Walton.

Oh, that's all
over, Mr. Peterson.

Now it's Walter Cronkite.

And that's the way it is.

That lady should be
locked in the room, Hartley,

and you know it.

Yes, Carol.

Your new patient's here, Bob.

Oh, fine. Send him in.

Oh, you must be Mr. Billingham.

That's right.

Why don't you have a seat?

What's your full name?

P-P-P-P-

Paul R.

B-B-B-B-B-Billingham.

And what's your occupation?

I'm a r-r-r-r-
r-r-r-radio announcer.

You work much?

Yes, I have a k-k-kids'
show on the r-r-radio.

You p-probably know
me as Ralph Alfalfa,

the Happy Farmer.

I'm sorry, I don't.

Why is it you wanted to
come to a psychologist?

I stu-stu-stu-I
stu-stu-stu-stu-stutter.

S-S-Surprise!

I thought that might be it.

How are you able
to do a radio show?

When I'm on the r-r-radio,

I use certain d-d-d-

d-distracting devices that
allow me to t-talk fluently.

Like what?

Like th-th-this:

Hi there, kids.

It's your old friend Ralph
Alfalfa, the Happy Farmer.

It's time once again
for "Fun on the Farm."

A lot of stutterers
use rhythmic devices

to help them talk.

Yeah, I know,
Dr. Hartley, but you see,

next month, I've got
the chance of a lifetime.

They want me to do my show,

"Fun on the Farm,"
on television.

I can't let my little
fans see me doing this.

Dr. Hartley, my
whole career d-d-d-d-

depends on you.

Sometimes when I
get used to one trick,

I have to use another.

Stuttering is a very
complex problem.

You know, it can't
be cured overnight.

Well, then, maybe
we can think up

some other kind of dis-dis-

dis-distraction.

Sometimes it helps

when I turn my back on
the person I'm speaking to.

Have you sought
professional help before?

Dr. Hartley, I've
tried everything.

I've had x-rays, hypnosis,

t-t-tranquilizers.

They even wanted to
make me left-handed

and shorten my tongue.

Well, I... certainly
hope I can help you

without, you know,
without any crutches.

You think you can help
me in time for the TV show?

Uh, well, I think maybe
we'll start tomorrow morning,

although I can't
promise miracles.

Oh, Doctor-Doctor,
thank you very much.

I really ap-ap-I really ap-ap-

I really ap-ap-I
really appreciate it.

Have you ever heard
of Ralph Alfalfa?

Oh, the guy on the radio?

There are others?

Of course I've heard of
him. He's the Happy Farmer.

All the kids at school
just love his show.

Yeah, well, he's a new patient.

I'm not sure the Happy
Farmer is too happy.

Oh, really, Bob?
What's his problem?

Well, he's gonna
be on television.

Oh, that's great! I'll be
sure and tell the kids.

Well, I wouldn't tell them yet.

The show may
never get on the air.

Uh, Ralph Alfalfa, Paul
Billingham, is a stutterer.

Oh, well, that can be
difficult on television.

Bob, how are you
gonna treat that?

I thought I'd bring
him into the group.

The same group with Mr. Carlin?

Bob, there are days that
Mr. Carlin makes you stutter.

Yeah, but, Emily, you see,

I have to build
up his confidence.

I figure once he's able to
talk in front of Mr. Carlin,

then we can move on to people.

Ah.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.

You still growing, Howard?

Ah, not much.

Well, I hate to
change the subject,

but, uh,

I want you guys to
be honest with me.

Does this suit fit?

If you, uh,

if you like to
show a lot of cuff.

Rats, I was afraid of that.

Howard, where did you get it?

Well, I had it
custom-made in Hong Kong.

Only cost $39.50.

Could you give me
the name of the tailor?

Double-Knit Wong.

Of Hart Schaffner and Wong?

Well, I never had a
chance to meet his partners.

The lights changed.

Well, Double-Knit
does nice work.

Yeah, we had a little problem
communicating, though.

When he said that
he'd take 20 percent off,

I thought he meant the price.

Howard, you can always donate it

to the annual clothing
drive for tiny navigators.

Morning, Carol.

Any messages?

Tell him I'll get
right back to him.

Oh!

Well, what did
you think of that?

I think we should
stick with goldfish.

Oh. I was practicing
holding my breath.

That's a good idea. You
never know when you're gonna

fall into a bowl
of water like that.

No, I signed up for
scuba diving lessons

next door at the Y.

Aren't you supposed to wear
equipment when you scuba dive?

No, Bob.

You learn to dive
without equipment first.

I'm glad you're not
learning to hang glide.

Is my group here?

Yes, they're waiting in your office,
but Ralph Alfalfa hasn't arrived yet.

I'd better wait for him.

Well, better keep practicing.

I'll go get myself
some fresh water.

No, thanks, Carol, I'm driving.

How are you doing,
Bob? What's up?

Jerry, this may sound silly,

but I'm actually waiting to meet
a man here named Ralph Alfalfa.

The Ralph Alfalfa?

You know him?

Are you kidding? All my little
patients listen to "Fun on the Farm."

Why's he coming to see you?

Well, that's
confidential, Jerry.

Hi, Dr. Hartley.

H-H-How are you doing?

Can I take a guess?

Jerry, this is Paul Billingham,

otherwise known as Ralph
Alfalfa, the Happy Farmer.

It's an honor to meet
you. I love your program.

Th-Th-Thanks.

I used to stutter
myself when I was a kid.

Do you ever
st-st-stutter anymore?

Oh, never anymore.

Only when I'm around
other people who st-st...

Other people who st-st-st...

other people who
sting-sting-st-st...

While, uh, while you two

compare notes, I'm going to...

I'm, uh, sorry I'm late.

That's okay. We
started without you.

Oh. What did you do?

Mrs. Bakerman was telling us
about a movie she saw last night.

The girls in my
quilting circle and I

went to an X-rated
movie, Dr. Hartley.

That's very interesting,
Mrs. Bakerman.

We were looking for
ideas for new patterns.

Would you like me to
tell you what it was about?

No, I don't think
we have time. I...

It was about a man and a woman,

and another man
and another woman,

and another man
and another woman,

- and another man and...
- Why don't we wait a week,

and you can show us the quilt.

Speaking of obscenities,

Peterson here was just
showing us a snapshot of his wife.

It was taken at the
Lincoln Park Zoo.

Oh, Doris had her
hair frosted, huh?

No, that's a yak.

Doris is the one
in the print dress.

She's nice, too.

Thanks.

Well, I thought we'd have

a little different
session today.

I'd like to bring in a
new member to the group

and have him join
the group for a while.

Is he a weirdo?

Mr. Carlin, I don't refer
to my patients as weirdos.

Why not? We are.

I am not a weirdo.

Of course you're not.

I'm a weirdette.

In any event, his name
is Paul Billingham,

and he's a stutterer.

Oh, I had a speech problem once.

I used to have a
very high voice.

Now you got a voice
that only dogs can hear.

Well, I'd like to have
him meet all of you.

Dr. Hartley, do you
think that's a good idea?

Yes. Bringing in a
poor, defenseless man

when you-know-who is here?

Hey, come on.

Give me a chance, will you?

I'm a nice guy. I have a heart.

Just bring the guy in
and give me a chance.

I think it's a
mistake, Dr. Hartley.

I think I have a
point to prove here.

Well, good, and I'm sure
I can count on all of you

to treat him with kindness
and understanding.

Uh, come in, Mr. Billingham.

Uh, hi, everybody.

Th-Thanks for
le-letting me come.

It's a pleasure. Glad
to have you here.

Billingham, it's nice to
have you in the group.

I hope we can be of some help
to you. That's why we're here.

Th-Th-Thanks.

Don't mention it. I'll see you.

Where are you going, Mr. Carlin?

Oh, I thought I'd go home
and put on my Daffy Duck suit,

so Porky Pig here
would feel at home.

B-B-B-B-B-Bye!

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Hey, terrific. That's great.

That's wonderful. You said
that just like a normal person.

Rubber baby buggel bum...

R-Rubber ba-bagel...

See, it's no challenge for me.

Dr. Hartley, I can't thank you
enough for what you've done.

I mean, I am actually
beginning to talk

like a normal human being.

Well, don't forget
about Jerry here.

You want to thank him for
being here for all the sessions.

Aw, don't mention it.

Stutterers have to
stick together, huh?

We ought to form a
Stutterers' Anonymous.

How would that work?

Well, when you feel
like you're gonna stutter,

you call up another stutterer.

He comes over,
and you get drunk.

You know, tomorrow
is the big day.

Well, we're all pulling for you.

Dr. Hartley, there's only
one thing that concerns me.

For the past couple of weeks,

you and Jerry are the
only two I've been talking to.

I hope I won't start to
stutter around other people.

I got it!

We'll give him a test.
Let's call Carol in here.

Good idea.

Uh, Carol, are you there?

Yes, Bob.

I just came in from
my scuba diving lesson.

Could you come in here, please?

Gee, Bob, I'm a little busy.

I lost the key to my locker

and had to come up
here and get a duplicate.

It's very important, Carol.

It'll only take a minute.

Mr. Billingham has
something he wants to tell you.

You're the boss.

Well, let's see how you react

in front of a normal,
everyday person.

Yes, Mr. Billingham?

Uh, Doc-Doc-Doctor...

Uh, Bob? Honey?

Bo... Oh.

Bob, could I borrow
your new inkblots

to take to my art
class in school?

What for?

I just think it would
be an exciting project.

The kids could make
their own inkblots.

Emily, these aren't playthings.

I mean, these
seemingly innocuous,

random blots of ink

are a very important
psychological tool.

Boy, that was
very well put, Bob.

What's this, the
instruction sheets?

"This seemingly innocuous

"and random blot
of ink is actually..."

Just a lot of technical jargon.

I'll show you how it works.

Would you? That'd be fun.

Now, the important
thing to remember

is the blots are not
important. Okay.

The important thing is
what you see in the blots.

There are no right or
wrong answers. Okay.

I see...

a man standing in a pair
of boots swallowing Turkey.

Wrong.

You just said there were
no right or wrong answers.

Up until now, there
were, but Emily,

it's obvious that there is
no turkey in that inkblot.

Not turkey the bird.
Turkey the country.

It's a man standing
in a pair of boots,

swallowing a map of Turkey.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.

Can I watch your TV set?

Oh, is yours broken?

No, my refrigerator is.

I don't like watching television
without something to eat.

You can watch, Howard,

but you're gonna have to
watch "Fun on the Farm."

Oh! That's what I want to watch.

I didn't know you went in
for that educational stuff.

I'll fix you something, Howard.

What are you looking at, Bob?

Inkblots.

The Inkblots?

That's my favorite
singing group!

Howard, these are
psychological tests.

Oh. What are they for?

Well, they show you
how your mind works.

Here, Howard. Tell
me what you see in that.

Wow! Whoa-wee! Whoo!

Are these French inkblots?

Howard, they're just inkblots.

Oh, wow. This is even better.

Can I take a couple
of these down

and show them to
the guys at work?

Howard, you are incredible.

So are these pictures.

Uh, Bob, this one goes too far.

I appreciate your
sharing this with me, but

this is just not my cup of tea.

Howard, you're
misreading the inkblots.

I would just like to know

what kind of tramp
would pose for those?

Ah, well.

Maybe I'd better not take
those to school after all.

Hello.

Oh... Mr. Billingham,

why are you calling just before
you're gonna go on television?

Well, you could try singing it.

"Camptown Races" is fine.

Doo-dah Doo-dah

Oh, da-doo-dah
day I'll be right down.

What's wrong, Bob?

Mr. Billingham is
having an anxiety att*ck,

and he's stuttering badly,

and he wants Jerry and me to
show up at the Happy Farm set.

Otherwise, he won't
go on television.

Oh, I'll need some
cab fare to get there.

You can't take a
cab to Happy Farm.

I mean, you have to close
your eyes and make a wish

and well, wait for the fairy

to take you on his magic
leaf down Sunshine Road.

Emily, give me $5
for a magic leaf fare

and a tip for the fairy.

And now, boys and
girls, a special treat.

For the first time
on television,

Ralph Alfalfa, The Happy Farmer,

and "Fun on the Farm."

Hi, there, boys
and gir-gir-gir...

Hi, there, boys and gir-gir...

Hi, there, boys and non-boys.

Uh, here's a real
neat trick, kids,

that you can all do at home,

as well as right here
on the Happy Farm.

That's right.

See if you can pat your heads

and rub your stomachs
at the same time,

just like I'm doing.

Good! Good!

Now you keep on do-do-do...

doing that, and I
won't even look.

I'll just look at
the rest of the farm

and see who's around today.

Well, lo-lo-look who's
here, boys and girls.

It's our old friend,
Bowzer the Farm Dog.

Here, Bowzer. Come here, Bowzer.

Come on, boy. Come on.

Yay!

Okay, buddy. Oh,
good boy, Bowzer.

Down, Bowzer.

You know, boys and girls...

Bowzer, shh. Wait.

I want to tell the boys
and girls how great you are.

Bowzer is just about
the smartest farm dog

in the whole world,
boys and girls.

Watch this:

Bowzer...

what is that thing called
that covers your house?

Ah, ah, ooh, ah...
a roof, roof, roof!

Attaboy!

Okay, Bowzer. Okay. Good boy.

Bowzer, I got another one.

What does sandpaper feel like?

Ooh! Uh, uh...
Ooh... Ruff! Ruff!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Boys and girls,

we have a very
special guest today

here on the Happy Farm.

Let's say a big hello

to the friendly
scarecrow himself,

Mr. Strawbritches.

Hello there, Mr. Strawbritches.

Am I ever glad to see you.

Down, Bowzer. Down, Bowzer.

- Well, I, uh...
- Woof!

I just came down from
the Happy Cornfield,

and I brought the boys and girls

lots of, uh, lots of cartoons.

Mr. Strawbritches,

the cartoons come
from the Magic Barn.

Oh, yeah. I stand corrected.

Bow-wow!

You know, Bowzer and I,

we can't come here every day

and talk to you and
the boys and girls.

Oh, sure you can,
Mr. Strawbritches.

You and Bowzer are always
welcome here at the Happy Farm.

Right, kids?

Bowzer and I have a lot
of things to do, you know.

Being a scarecrow
is a very busy job.

Yeah, well, we'll work that
out later, Mr. Strawbritches.

Right now, we've
got a commercial,

so let's all watch this message.

I can't thank you guys enough.

You saved my life.

Were you serious
about a steady job?

Jerry!

Look, Mr. Billingham,

we aren't helping
you at all this way.

Well, sure you are. You guys
are a hit. The kids loved us.

But you can't depend
on us to jump in

every time you get in trouble.

I mean, you're gonna
face this problem

or you're never
gonna get better.

Yeah, I guess you're
right, Dr. Hartley.

If I'm ever gonna come
clean with the kids,

now's as good a time as any.

Well, I think that's
a good decision.

Uh, boys and girls,

Bowzer and I are
gonna have to leave now,

so you'll have to excuse us.

Where are you going,
Mr. Strawbritches?

We're going to harvest the,
uh, the marshmallow tree

and, uh, milk the,
the chocolate cow.

Sounds pretty stupid.

Well, maybe, but
we're still gonna do it.

Coming out of commercial,

four, three, two...
Okay, boys and girls,

it's time for a cartoon.

Wait a minute.

I know what you're thinking.

You're probably wondering

why I'm talking like this.

You see, boys
and girls, I stutter.

Maybe some of you stutter, too,

or maybe one of
your friends does.

You know it's not so bad.

You see, boys and girls,

I was always ashamed of it,

and I tried to hide it.

But, you know, you
should never be ashamed

of something that
makes you different.

You should always
try to do your best

with what you've got.

See, I know that because
that's what Bowzer the Dog

and Mr. Strawbritches taught me.

Bowzer is my friend,

and Mr. Strawbritches
is really my doctor.

Sometimes the best
thing a doctor can do

is make you take
care of yourself.

Isn't that right, kids?

Well, now that we've
got that taken care of,

let's turn to something
really important

here on the Happy
Farm, like a cartoon!

Well, I'm really proud
of you, Mr. Billingham.

That took a lot of courage.

Thanks, Dr. Hartley.

I've got you and
Jerry to thank for that.

Hey, Strawbritches.

Are you really a doctor?

Yes, yes, I am.

Why are you dressed
in that silly suit?

Well, how else are you gonna
keep the crows out of Happy Farm?

You know something?
You belong on a happy farm.

- Bowzer?
- Yeah.

Sic 'im!