Now, Billy, what you
did was reprehensible.
Thank you, Mrs. Hartley.
Billy, being reprehensible
is not an achievement.
It is when you're 10.
Alice, I told you I didn't
want to be disturbed.
What emergency?
We're out of paste?
Alice, don't panic.
We've been out of paste before.
No, we don't have to
close the school down.
Yes, I will take
full responsibility.
Yes?
Hi. Oh, listen,
you're busy. I'll just...
No, no, Carol. No, no...
Carol, come on. No, you're busy.
Carol, sit! Yes, ma'am.
Sorry, Carol, just habit.
Oh, that's okay.
I was so down from job hunting,
I just wanted to look
at a friendly face.
Thanks, kid.
Yes, Alice? Uh-huh.
Yeah. I'll, uh...
I'll be right there.
Substitute teacher
locked herself in a closet,
will not come out until
the children return her wig.
You stay right there, Billy.
So, what are you in for? Frogs.
This your first offense?
A-ha! A three-time frogger.
Aw, kids don't have fun
around here anymore.
Fun, huh? Well, frogs
may not be that serious,
but that's only the
beginning, you know.
Pretty soon you
move on to spitballs.
Next thing it's
tacks on your seat.
And before you know it,
you're using the hard stuff:
Nuclear weapons.
Boy, would that make
Mrs. Hartley mad.
Ohh. Poor woman.
Totally bald.
All right, Billy.
It's late, and I'm tired.
This is your last warning.
No more frogs or I'm
calling your parents.
Mrs. Hartley, I'm
finished with frogs forever.
Good. It's time to move on.
Oh, rough day, huh?
Normal.
Well, at least you have
a job. Yeah? You want it?
Listen, how do you
handle the stress?
Well, you know, it's
something you learn.
And besides, my principal,
Mr. Bannister, is a big help.
He always has some
wise words to help me cope.
I am going to k*ll
myself. It's useless.
Boy, that guy could use a pep
talk from Principal Bannister.
That is Principal Bannister.
Uh, Phil, I'd like you to
meet Carol Bondurant.
How do you do?
Phil, what's the matter?
We got the reading scores back.
That bad?
Worst in the history
of the school, ever.
And you know what that means.
Head will roll.
Oh, come on, Phil.
No, no. Believe me, the
parents are going to be furious.
They're going to be
looking for a scapegoat.
And guess who that will be?
Well, now maybe the
parents won't find out.
It'll be in tonight's newspaper.
The only way they won't find out
is if they ask their
kids to read it to them.
Phil, maybe it
won't be that bad.
No, no, no, no. I am through.
I know it. I know it.
I just hope they...
don't hurt me physically.
Come on, Phil, stop it.
Sure you're worried now,
you're under pressure,
but you'll find some
way to work it out.
No, no, I won't. Emily, I...
Emily, you know, I
believe you are right.
Certainly. I...
Things can't possibly
be as bad as they seem.
I shall have to handle this
matter like a... like an educator,
like an administrator of
many years' experience,
which is exactly
what I happen to be.
That's right.
Well, ladies, shall we go home?
Yeah, I guess it
is about that time.
Good, then I will
walk you to your cars.
Ah, thank you. Thanks.
All right, run for it!
Thanks, Emily. Thanks a lot.
Thanks for what you
said and for listening.
Oh, honey, any time.
Hi, Emily. You decent?
What if I wasn't, Howard?
What if I was standing
here totally undressed?
Well, it's your house.
Hi, Carol.
Hi, Howard. I was
just on my way out.
Well, you're going
in the right direction.
Did you have to
sell your blood yet?
Hi, Emily.
Hi, Jerry. What
are you two up to?
Oh, we're just playing
cards in Howard's apartment.
Thought we'd come up and see
how you're getting along without Bob.
Need any jars opened?
Everything's fine.
I'm gonna jump into a hot bath.
I sure miss Bob when he's gone.
Look, Jer, Bob's couch.
Remember when he
used to sit right here?
Look, I hate to
throw you two guys...
Remember when he used
to sit over in that spot there?
It's really been a long...
Remember when he used
to sit in the middle there?
Yeah, Bob, he,
uh... He did it all.
You know when he
used to put his little head
on this little pillow?
Look, Jer. Bob's little pillow.
Remember when he used
to say, "Howard, go home?"
Yeah. Yeah. "Howard, go home."
Howard, go home.
Ah, that's very good,
but Bob does it better.
You know, for once I know
what Howard's talking about.
I really miss
the little guy, too.
I mean, after all,
we're best friends.
What'd you say?
I was just saying that Bob and
I, you know, are best friends.
You're not Bob's best friend.
I'm Bob's best friend.
Oh, Howard, come off it.
Does he live in your building?
Does he let you put
your hands in his mouth?
No, but he would if
I lost something in it.
Howard, everybody knows
that Bob and I are best friends.
Well, I don't know it.
You don't know anything.
Don't change the subject.
Okay, I know who
can settle this: Emily.
Emily, who's Bob's best friend?
I am.
Come on, Emily, get serious.
Okay, if you're his
best friend, uh...
what's his favorite color?
Blue. Red. Gray.
Gray? Gray?
Who's got gray
for a favorite color?
Your best friend.
All right. Stop this
silliness, okay?
What's his pet peeve?
Uh, people who
tailgate. Wet newspapers.
Bad service in restaurants.
That just goes to show
you that certain people
don't tell certain things to their
wives or casual acquaintances.
His favorite food? Uh,
steak. Bob loves steak.
Ah, he likes steak,
but he loves lobster.
Yes, but he adores meatloaf.
Ah, yeah.
His favorite song? I know this?
"Stardust." "Smoke
Gets In Your Eyes."
"Autumn Leaves."
You two are guessing.
Why don't we just
call Bob and ask him?
You're on, Borden.
Okay, Emily, do you know
Bob's hotel phone number?
This is silly, guys, I
mean, but I will call him.
How come you get to call
him? I'm his best friend.
He married me!
Only because you're a woman!
Uh, hi, Emily.
Yeah, fine. Fine. And you?
G-good. Good.
They are? Well, say hi for me.
Uh, yeah, look, Emily, I'm
supposed to be out of this room.
I overslept and it's
past checkout time.
Yeah, so why don't I
call you from the airport.
W-what? Uh, I... I guess green.
Yeah, look, I really have to...
Uh, I don't know. Roast duck.
"What about meatloaf?"
Emily, uh...
Uh, people who talk
out loud in theaters.
The theme from "The
High And The Mighty."
Uh, Emily...
I... I really, uh...
I... I really should
be getting out of here.
I... I guess "The Old
Man And The Sea."
Emily?
Uh, summer.
Huh? Oh, Paul Newman.
Emily... Hava
nagila hava nagila,
Hava nagila venis mecha
Alice, has Principal
Bannister come in yet?
Well, let me know as
soon as you hear from him.
The what?
A delegation of parents?
Are they carrying torches?
Yeah, okay, I'll see 'em.
Yes?
Mrs. Hartley? Sal
Petrone, irate parent.
And I'm Wanda Moss,
concerned mother
of 9, with one pending.
Won't you come in and sit down?
Thank you, Mrs. Hartley.
Gee, I spent a lot
of time in this office.
Oh, really? Did you
go to this school?
Yeah. Grades 1 through 8.
Best 10 years of my life.
Well, uh, what can I do for you?
Mrs. Hartley, we represent
the members of WCOKR.
WCOKR? Yeah. "Why
Can't Our Kids Read."
Oh, I'm sorry, I
wasn't familiar with...
WCOKR.
WCOKR, Mrs. Hartley,
is a group of parents
who have children
at this school.
The group has
long been concerned
with the continuing decline
and the quality of education.
Oh, really? When
did this group start?
Last night.
And here's a list of our
non-negotiable demands.
Uh, you don't teach
reading, do you?
I got to get back
to work in an hour.
Mr. Petrone,
these demands are unreasonable.
"Immediate resignation
of the principal?"
Hey, when a team
loses they fire the coach.
"Return to structured
classrooms.
Limited curriculum.
Corporal punishment."
I mean, these are the things
we've been trying
to move away from.
If our demands aren't met,
we'll pull our
kids out of school.
We'll close this place down.
And we'll keep them out
until something is done.
Look, I mean, I'm
just the vice-principal,
and I'm sure if Principal
Bannister were here,
he would suggest that we all sit
down and try and work this out.
We've already got a
meeting set, tonight at 8:00,
and you and the
principal better be at it.
We'll be here.
Will he be able to read?
Not right away.
Alice, has Principal
Bannister shown up yet?
Oh, never mind, he just came in.
Well, Emily, how
is it going, eh?
"How is it going," Phil?
We're in chaos here.
Angry telegrams, threatening
phone calls, hostile committee.
I'm sure you had a very
good reason for not being here.
Nope.
Phil? Hmm?
You feel all right?
Never better.
You see, Emily,
people handle
pressures differently.
Now, some people drink,
some stuff themselves,
some pop pills.
I travel.
I beg your pardon?
You've heard that saying,
"When the going gets tough,
the tough get going?"
Well, I'm going to Montana.
There we are.
How do you like it?
Phil, what are
you talking about?
Emily, you are in
charge of the school,
and I am going fishing.
Phil, you can't
lay this off on me.
I mean, we're in crisis here.
I know. That's exactly
why I'm leaving.
However, if things
get too rough,
just give me a call, okay?
Now there is my number.
Oh.
Well, that does it.
I'm calling his parents.
Emily, why are you so upset?
This is not your job.
You're still just
vice-principal.
Well, I mean, the
superintendent did say
he would take over
the meeting for me.
Told him I'd let him
know. He's gonna call later.
Great. Then you're off the hook.
Oh, Carol, after what
Principal Bannister did,
I'm a little sensitive to words
having to do with fishing.
Ah.
You see, I have the feeling
that the superintendent is
watching to see how I handle this.
You know, offering his
help as a kind of test.
Sure, to see if
he'll take the bait.
I'm sorry.
You see, if I assume
this responsibility,
I mean, I could wind
up permanent principal.
Emily, if you really
don't want to do this,
I'm sure there's a responsible
way for you to worm out of it.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I swear I'm not doing
this on purpose, I swear.
Are you through? Sorry.
All you have to do is tell
me not to do something,
and I fall for it hook,
line, and... Mm.
Now I'm through.
Well, that's good.
You know, it could get
pretty rough in there tonight.
But, you know,
on the other hand,
I mean, I really want to do
something to help the school.
Well, why don't you call
Bob and see what he thinks?
I thought about that, Carol.
But, you know, I'd really like to
make this decision on my own.
Besides, Bob's got
bigger fish to fry...
Ah. Oh, God, now
I'm doing it myself.
Okay, Emily, call Bob.
We're gonna settle this
thing once and for all.
Howard, this is stupid.
Are you two still arguing
over who's Bob's best friend?
Howard is arguing. I think
this whole thing is childish.
Right, I'm his best friend.
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
That's him!
Oh, how can you tell, Howard?
I'm his best friend. I
can recognize the ring.
Howard, I am expecting a call.
Before you say anything,
just answer one thing.
Who's your best friend?
Joel Katzman?
Joel Katzman's his best friend.
Hello?
Hello, Superintendent.
I'll wait till he
asks me to ask him
to pick him up at the airport.
I'll tell him, "Go get
"Joel Katzman." Shh!
No, I really gave
it a lot of thought,
and I've decided I'd like to
handle the meeting myself tonight.
Yeah, thank you.
I'm gonna need it.
Oh, dear.
Joel Katzman. I'm
gonna go downstairs
and tear up all my
Bob Hartley pictures.
Howard, you don't understand.
Bob doesn't even
know Joel Katzman.
So he doesn't even know him,
and he likes him better than me!
Can't we have him
declared something?
Oh, Emily, you're gonna do it.
That's terrific. What
made you decide?
I don't know. I mean, I just
decided that I'm gonna do this thing.
I mean, I decided that I'm bright
enough and I'm strong enough
and I'm experienced
enough to handle this thing.
I just want to do it.
There's only one
thing that I need.
What's that? Come
with me, please?
Sure.
Who made the cupcakes?
My future homemakers.
Aren't they yum-yum?
I was thinking about things in a
napkin that could be great to throw.
Now, now. Trouble?
No, no, Mr. Kreever.
Petrone, you always
were a bad egg.
Now straighten up and fly right.
Yes, Mr. Kreever.
Kreever, Kreever,
face like a b...
Well, here goes.
Oh, relax, Emily.
It'll go like clockwork.
Carol.
Well, here goes nothing.
Oh, go get 'em, tiger.
Uh, will everybody please
take their seats, please?
Hey, how come the
teachers get the good seats?
Button your lip, Petrone.
For those of you who don't know,
I'm Emily Hartley,
vice-principal, and we're here...
Hey, where's Bannister?
Uh, one procedural thing.
In the interest of saving time,
I'm gonna ask you
to raise your hands
and be recognized
before speaking.
Mr. Petrone.
Where's Bannister?
That saved a lot of time.
Uh, Principal Bannister was
unexpectedly called out of town.
Chicken out, huh?
Petrone, you're
asking for trouble.
Uh, now look, I'm
sure we all agree
that this is a very
serious situation.
You're all gonna have
a chance to be heard,
and your comments
will be duly noted.
Oh, I'm sorry. Miss Nightingale.
I've been a teacher
many, many years,
and I would like to
make a suggestion
to help this meeting
run much more smoothly.
Oh, please.
I think we should raise
one finger for questions,
and two for wee-wee.
That's fine, Miss
Nightingale. Now, uh...
Do you think we
should vote on it?
Oh. We have a lot of
important business to discuss,
and I don't think we should
get bogged down in trivialities.
Mr. Petrone.
I think we should vote on it.
All against?
The motion carries.
The window will remain closed
Mr. Petrone.
I still say it should have
been a secret ballot.
Good.
Now can we please get back to
the business of the reading scores?
Mrs. Moss?
I think the problem is
some of the progressive,
new-fangled teaching methods
in this school are going too far.
Mrs. Hunsinger?
Ms. Ms.
I am aware that certain
progressive teaching methods
are under the g*n.
So I, for one, would
like to speak out boldly
on their behalf.
I know with my children,
Butterfly and Truth,
the new methods have
helped them blossom forth
from within themselves,
relate more fully to their
fellow human beings,
and become aware of the
glorious wonders of our universe.
Please. I'm not saying
don't teach them to read.
Just wait till they're ready.
Why, just this morning a
student came to me and said,
"Ms. Hunsinger,
"I feel I'm ready
to learn to read."
Yeah, he was 26.
Oh, please. Please.
Mrs. Moss?
Mrs. Hartley, you
know where we stand.
What I want to know
is where do you stand.
Mrs. Hartley, I
feel it's your duty
as our acting principal
to stand behind
your teachers 100%.
Yeah, you do and those
kids are gone tomorrow.
All right? Everybody
with me on that?
Miss Nightingale?
I've been a teacher
many, many years.
Yeah, she came
over on the Mayflower.
Watch it, Petrone.
Sorry, Kreever.
I guess it was the Ark.
He's crazy.
Uh, will you continue,
Miss Nightingale?
I think the problem
with the children
is they are not having
the proper nutrition.
Breakfast is the most
important meal of the day.
I bake blueberry
muffins every morning,
and there's no better smell
then freshly-baked
blueberry muffins...
and that they taste good, too.
So let's all put our
heads down on the desks,
close our eyes,
and just think about my muffins.
I know what is
wrong with this school.
It has nothing to
do with your muffins.
It has to do with law and order.
We coddle these kids,
the poor little dears.
Well, it's a rough
world out there.
There is no free lunch.
That's just what we
need: Free lunch.
Tomato soup and freshly grilled
nippy sandwiches.
Like they had nippy's grilled.
That's what I'm talking about.
We kept guys like Petrone
in line by sitting on them.
Dog face.
I heard that, Petrone!
Now you watch your step!
I could have done it!
Will you all please sit down!
Now we're supposed to
be here to help the kids,
and you people are
acting worse than the kids.
Now will you please
just... come on!
Hey, Mrs. Hartley, you're
supposed to be in charge here?
I think it's about time you
told us where you stood, huh?
All right.
I promise each and
every one of you
that the test scores of our kids
will go up with the very next test.
How can you possibly
promise that, Mrs. Hartley?
Because. The teachers
are gonna work a lot harder.
We're gonna take a look at
everything that's going on in this school,
the old and the new,
and we're gonna
keep what's working,
and we're gonna
throw out what isn't.
Hey, I'm for that.
Wait a minute.
You're gonna have
to work hard, too.
Maybe a lot harder than we do.
Because you're
gonna have to start
turning off those television
sets once in a while.
You're gonna have to
start reading to your kids,
letting your kids read to you.
You know, it wouldn't hurt if some
of you started reading once in a while.
Read?
What do you mean, like books?
Why should the children
read if the parents don't?
Ok. Let's give Mrs.
Hartley a chance.
Yeah? All right, come on.
Well, that's great,
then. It's all settled.
All right.
Unless there are any
other questions. No.
Ah. Miss Nightingale. No.
Two fingers.
A-ha.
This meeting is
adjourned. All right!
Hey, Mrs. Hartley,
you did a real good job.
I hope they make
you principal full-time.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Petrone.
And when they do, dump Kreever.
Petrone, that does
it. Come to my office.
I didn't do nothing, Kreever!
Same old song, huh?
You know, sitting there,
I decided to name
my tenth child Emily.
Why, thank you, Mrs.
Moss. That's quite an honor.
Not if it's a boy.
Emily, you were wonderful!
"I promise you the
test scores will go up."
It gave me goose bumps.
It's nothing, Carol. It's
just standard procedure.
Oh. I forgot my purse.
Okay.
Yahoo!
06x21 - Crisis in Education
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Comedian Bob Newhart portrays a psychologist whose interactions with his wife, friends, patients, and colleagues lead to humorous situations and dialogue.
Comedian Bob Newhart portrays a psychologist whose interactions with his wife, friends, patients, and colleagues lead to humorous situations and dialogue.