stopped at : .
Man:
Moo.
Okay, very funny.
Come out here, Old McDonald.
Elsie wants to talk to you.
Coward!
Can you believe that?
Okay, I know I've gained
a few pounds.
But I think I'm carry them
pretty darn well.
I don't know why people
are looking at me
Like I've violated
some local zoning law.
Let's order lunch.
Murphy, perhaps we shouldn't
Be thinking about food so much.
After all,
when we got pregnant
We were only supposed
to gain pounds.
I don't think
they meant per limb.
You know, Murph,
I had a one-gallon bucket
Of cheese popcorn
in my office.
I opened it
up yesterday
And somebody
had sucked it clean.
Why don't you just
come right out and say it?
I'm a Hoover.
I'm huge.
Wherever I walk, a great
shadow falls upon the land.
That's certainly not the case, Slugger.
We're just concerned
you may be a little out of...
Concerned that you
might be letting yourself...
That you...
What's a polite way to say
Your thighs are starting to
make noise when you walk?
I'm proud
of the way I look.
This is motherhood in
all its splendor and glory.
I'm a miracle of nature.
Now, if you'll excuse me
I think there's a raisin bagel
in my file cabinet.
Hi, I'm Murphy brown.
You must be my...
Good morning, Ms. Brown.
I'm Jane Sokol,
your new secretary.
Oh, this is your first,
isn't it?
I had my baby four years ago
but I remember it
like it was yesterday.
Ouch.
Right.
So, Jane, I'm working
On an extremely important
interview with Boris Yeltsin
for tomorrow night.
Out of curiosity,
what did you mean
when you said, "ouch"?
Oh, you don't want to know.
I was in labor for hours.
Over a day and a half
of the most
horrible, unbelievable pain
I've ever felt in my life.
And I was pinned under a bus once,
so I know pain.
They had to tie me
to the table
after I kicked my obstetrician
in the windpipe.
My husband took a video.
It's just hour after hour of me
Begging to be k*lled.
You're fired.
Oh, you don't mean that.
Miles:
Morning, Murphy.
How are you feeling today?
Miles, how long before
cream cheese goes bad?
Maybe I can scrape it off.
Don't want to interrupt.
Know you're working
on your Yeltsin thing.
Boy, are we proud of you
for landing that.
Speaking of tonight's show
We're going to have
you do the interview
from behind the anchor desk.
Well, gotta go.
Get your little, tweed self
back in here, Miles.
I don't have to come in.
This is more of a
stick-your-head-in-the-door
kind of conversation.
If you don't come in
It will be more of a
slam-your-head-in-the-door
kind of conversation.
Okay, Miles.
Why am I doing the interview
behind the desk?
It's just a
temporary thing, Murphy.
The network thinks it will be
a more comfortable arrangement
between you and the audience.
"The network thinks."
Now, there's an oxymoron
if ever I heard one.
I know what this is about.
They think I'm fat,
don't they?
They think rope should be
tied around my ankles
so I could
float next to Bullwinkle
in the Macy's parade.
Well, fine. They're
entitled to their opinion
But as far as I'm concerned,
my weight is nobody's business
but my own.
Just so you know,
I went to bat for you on this.
I told them
it was ridiculous.
Even if we put you
behind a desk
they're still going to see
those big upper arms.
I don't think
that's exactly how I worded it.
Oh, this is too perfect.
Instead of worrying
About better election coverage,
the great minds at
the network are busy
Trying to hide Jumbo
behind a desk.
Face it, Murphy.
The network cares about
how their reporters look.
That's why
They have things like that
appearance clause in your contract.
What appearance clause?
What are you talking about?
It's a standard clause
for on air talent.
That says you can't drastically alter
your appearance without
the approval of the network.
I cannot believe
that after years with this network
I would be subjected
to something as humiliating
as degrad...
as ridiculous as
an appearance clause.
Murphy, could you maybe limit
your anger to one topic per day?
The anchor desk,
the appearance clause.
people at the cash machine
who forget their secret codes...
pick one.
Don't worry, Miles.
This stupid clause has
my full attention.
Come on. We're going upstairs to talk
to Gene Kinsella about it, right now.
Forget it. His secretary says he's in
top-level meetings all day.
I called twice this morning
to talk about a budget problem.
He couldn't even
come to the phone.
Fine. I'll just go by myself.
I'm sure your name won't come up
more than seven or eight times.
Good morning, Louise.
I'd like to speak with
Gene for a minute, please.
He said he didn't
want to be disturbed.
But I'll check.
Of course.
Have her check.
Why miss an opportunity to put
poor Louise in an awkward position?
If he can't talk to me about the budget,
he certainly doesn't have time to...
Go right in, Murphy.
Thank you, Louise.
Good morning, Brownie.
I'd get down, but we're right
in the middle of my cuffs.
You understand. Silverberg.
I guess you didn't
get my message, Mr. Kinsella.
I was told you were in top-level
meetings all day.
What a surprise to see you
standing on a little box.
There's a lesson
to be learned here, Silverberg.
It can't all be work, work, work.
Pamper yourself
every now and then.
Isn't that right, Leon?
I'm working with pins here.
Stop moving so much.
Well, what can I
do for you, Brownie?
Gene, Miles and I were
having a little chat
and he happened to mention
Something about an appearance
clause in my contract.
Right, it's a standard clause.
What's the problem?
The problem is that I
find it slightly demeaning.
I mean to say that I can't change
my hair color or get a nose job
our dress differently without
your permission
Implies that how I look
Has something to do
with how I do my job.
I think that's a little silly,
don't you?
That clause is just a formality.
A protection against
any of our on-camera people
Letting themselves
go to seed.
Now, you and I know that's never
going to apply to you.
You're a beautiful woman.
Large, but beautiful.
Thank you, Gene.
So remove the clause.
I can't do that.
Ow! Leon, the pins!
I warned you, didn't I?
Let's take a break.
If I could interject,
Mr. Kinsella, Murphy.
Personally, in principle,
I agree with Murphy.
That the clause shouldn't
be necessary.
However,
she did sign the contract.
So any changes would probably
best be dealt with
in future negotiations.
I know this might sound
like a mere recapitulation
of the problem at hand.
And in listening to myself, I realize,
that's exactly what I've done.
But, perhaps,
in some small way
I've clarified the situation
for all parties concerned.
I think I'm done.
Where did you
get that jacket?
Excuse me?
I doesn't hang right.
I saw it when you came in.
Get on the box.
That's okay.
I have a tailor.
You're a liar.
Stand still.
Gene, you can't
honestly tell me
you believe
a journalist's appearance
has anything
to do with their competency.
Of course not, but face the facts--
The news is ugly.
Hearing it
from an attractive person
is the only thing
that makes it tolerable.
Can you
imagine ugly people
doing the news?
Why, our su1c1de rate
would jump beyond Sweden's.
Crazy me.
That all this time
and to think
I thought you'd kept
me around for years
because I was a good reporter.
Brownie, you're a fantastic reporter!
It's all
part of the package.
A lot of people watch FYI
because it's
a hard-hitting news program
and whether you like it or not,
a lot of people watch
Because Murphy Brown
is a sexy woman.
with blond hair
and terrific legs.
But let's ask
the great recapitulator.
Silverberg, you ever
notice Murphy's leg?
Uh... well..
Interesting question.
I am, of course,
Aware of the fact
that she does have legs
But as to
whether or not
I would be able to, say,
pick them out of a line-up
Well, that's a different story.
If you keep sweating like this
you're going to ruin the lining.
Arms down.
Brownie, look at it
from my perspective.
This is the news business.
If we lose a single rating point
We're looking at millions
of dollars in lost revenue.
Gene, I'm going to ask
you one more time.
Are you going to remove
the clause?
No.
So let understand this.
Are you saying no?
Just give it up,
Murphy.
Fine.
You're so interested in my legs
you can watch them
Carry me out
of the room.
You got to love her,
right?
Take off
the pants.
They'll be ready Friday.
Hi, everybody.
Can you believe it?
I don't know.
I was angry yesterday.
And you know what they say--
Never operate heavy machinery
Or get a haircut
when you're angry.
Please tell me,
you don't think it looks terrible.
What do you think?
It makes your head look so...
small.
Well, this certainly is
very different.
What would they call that?
Pert... perky...
frightening.
I'm sorry, Murphy.
I didn't mean that last one.
Frank, what do you think?
Be honest.
You look like John Candy.
Morning, everyone.
Jim, Frank,
Corky...
(screams)
You..!
Hair..!
Gone!
I know.
Jim said
he thought it was perky.
Didn't you say
perky, Jim?
How could you
do this?!
Fine. Get a little trim.
But this?
Custer had more hair
at the end!
You don't like it.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
give you that impression.
When are you going to fly away
and join the other lost boys?
Come on, everyone.
My career is dead.
But maybe if we believe
And clap our hands
together real hard
It will come back
to life.
Okay. I made a mistake.
I went to a new place yesterday.
And they talked me
into something
I shouldn't have done.
I knew I was in trouble
When I saw that sign
over the cash register that said
"Servicemen Welcome."
Oh, you're so innocent.
I know you're up to, Murphy.
This isn't girlish whim.
This is you punishing me
for that appearance clause.
Miles! Is that the kind of
person you think I am?
Oh, God.
I wonder if Kinsella's heard.
Maybe he won't find out.
Maybe he'll forget
to watch the show
For the next two or three months.
And by that time, you'll
be thin and hairy again.
Oh, I think he's probably
heard by now.
It's a funny thing.
I spent a lot of time
in the lobby this morning.
Walking back and forth
of the news stand.
You know where all
those corporate guys
Who work next to Kinsella's office
stop to buy the morning paper?
Yep. Back and forth.
Back and forth.
My lungs are
filling with fluid.
Hi, Ms. Brown.
Very practical haircut.
Long hair just gets knotted up
during delivery.
It's from all
the writhing.
Anyway, Mr. Kinsella
on line one.
He says
it's urgent.
Morning, Gene.
How are the..?
What's that?
Oh.
Yes, it's true.
Well, it is short.
How short?
Jim said it was perky.
Fine. And will you want
to see Miles too?
I thought you would.
Fine.
Well, we'll be right up.
Bye, now.
Coming, Miles?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
I don't
believe this.
It's so short.
It's shorter than short.
Wow.
Well, Gene, I decided
That with the baby coming
I could use
an easy-to-care-for hairstyle.
Brownie, do you honestly think
I'm going to accept this
As a slip of the scissors?
We all know
this was an act of defiance.
Pure and simple.
And one of my better ones,
if I do say so.
but now that
it's done, Gene.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
The people who watch don't care
if I change my hair.
You'll see after tonight's show.
George, what do you think?
How badly can this hurt us?
Well, Gene,
the numbers speak for themselves.
When audience's were asked what quality
they admired about Murphy Brown
% of urban males to
Listed her trademark mane
of hair at or near the top!
Gentlemen, we are in
for a ratings disaster
Worse than the Jane Pauley
home perm fiasco
of .
Gene, I'm dying.
You might as well
put a plastic bag over my head
And tie it with a twistie.
I battle every day
to sell air time
During a recession.
Do you know which advertisers
I've lined up
For tonight's show?
A shampoo, a hair spray.
They're going to take one look
at Friar Tuck here and come
after me with a rope.
I think we're all forgetting
One very important thing here--
Mary Lou Retton.
She had short hair
and America loved her.
Remember her,
Mr. Kinsella?
Mary Lou,
America's spitfire.
Little cutie, short hair,
perfect score, loved her.
This is a blatant and deliberate violation
of the appearance clause.
There is not a court in this country
that could look at that head
and not find in our favor.
Oh, come on.
We're all in this together.
Oh, you're in it.
You're in it deep.
Gene, we could
sue them both.
I could prove shared liability
like that.
Milt, Milt.
Norm, can't your people
do some king of damage control on this?
Sure. It always falls to publicity
to clean up the mess.
Okay, there's got
to be a way
We can put
a positive spin on this.
"Less hair, more news."
Yes. No.
"Murphy brown--
"It's like getting the news
from your brother."
None of this is helping.
She goes on the air
with a highly publicized
Major interview in
less than hours.
Brownie,
I don't know
What the technical term is
But maybe you could
you know, poof it?
Poof it?
Yeah, you know...
Poof it?
Yeah.
Most women do that.
Okay, that's it.
I've heard enough.
Gentlemen, I suggest you watch
FYI tonight.
you're going to see what
the rest of America sees--
A compelling, thought-provoking
interview with Boris Yeltsin.
And unless he shows
up wearing pigtails,
I guarantee you nobody
Will be talking
about hair tomorrow.
Oh, and gentlemen
If you still want to
see some poofing
May I suggest you
go poof yourselves.
Yeah, Murphy, I got to say
Your interview last night with Yeltsin
was one of your best ever.
Insightful,
historically significant...
Although, I thought he was out of line
When he said
you looked like John Candy.
He just brought up the hair
because he was trying to dodge
my question on Gorbachev.
No one cares about it.
All I know is
I never judge anybody
by their physical appearance.
I look around this bar
And I don't see
good-looking, bad-looking.
I see what's really important.
Big tipper, little tipper.
Beer nut hog,
ashtray thief.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Let me see your pockets.
Hey, Murph.
Hey, Frank,
have you seen Miles?
I was wondering if he'd had
any viewer response yet.
On last night's interview.
Nobody wrote in when
I stopped wearing my toupee.
Of course, a few letters
would have been nice.
to know somebody noticed,
somebody was watching.
That America isn't saying
"Honey, here comes
the Fontana segment.
"Let's take the dog
out to the curb."
Hi, Murphy.
Hello.
Guys, hi.
Have you seen Miles?
I was wondering if he'd had any word
about last night's show?
No, but Entertainment Tonight,
Newsweek and Time all called.
looking for quotes
about your new hair.
Jim, you spoke to them?
They've been hounding me all morning.
Leave it to the media
to make a story
out of a non-issue.
I guarantee you
the average American
couldn't care less.
I'm sure you're right, Murphy.
But I think you should know
Glamor Magazine called.
Next month, your head's
going to be a "Glamor don't".
Miles, hi.
What's new?
Not that anything
has to be new
I just thought you'd like to know,
we got calls
on your Yeltsin interview.
Yes!
The American public
comes through.
callers
liked the interview.
thought you talk
to too many foreigners.
called to register
an opinion on your hair.
Oh.
Well, of course.
We all know what kind of crackpots
use the phone.
I once called Dean Rusk
to ask if his refrigerator...
We also got over telegrams.
Phone calls and telegrams!
The classic tools of crackpots.
Decide for yourself.
"Dear FYI:
"I tune in the show for
your intelligent stories."
Ha!
"I also like to see
Murphy Brown's hair.
"I enjoy spending many hours
"Trying to get my hair
to look like hers.
"what do I do now,
put my head in a weed whacker?
Mrs. Marion Doogan
Paterson, New Jersey."
Poor Mrs. Doogan.
Imagine her pain.
Poor Mrs. Doogan?
This just proves that
people have gone insane.
And their leader is
Mrs. Marion Doogan
of Paterson, New Jersey.
There were a few
other messages.
"Hated the hair"
- Walter Cronkite.
"What were you thinking?"
- Diane Sawyer.
"Love the new look"
- John Candy.
Okay.
I give up.
The people have spoken.
You know what?
Deep down, I always knew
this was what they'd say.
I just didn't want
to believe it.
Oh, Murphy.
I'm so torn.
I know that it's not fair that
we get judged on our looks.
But I know if I had a face
like the dog's dinner
I'd still be back home
handing out dilly bars
at the Dairy Queen.
I'm a little lost here.
I've never been the kind of person
that cares about his appearance.
Oh, please.
You spend more time
In the makeup chair than anyone.
I do not!
You do too. You sneak in
and pluck your eyebrows.
We've all seen it.
I had to!
I did it once
and it grew back
like horse hair.
Let's be honest here.
We're all concerned about our looks.
Remember
the Arthur Kent frenzy
during the gulf w*r?
Oh, yeah.
"The scud stud."
You know, anyone can be sexy
when they're standing on a roof
with bombs off around them.
Rumors had him up for
every job at the network.
I bought some goop
to take the gray out of my hair.
But it stank to high heaven
and Doris said she could see herself
in the back of my head.
I'm using what's left
to seal small cracks
in my driveway.
I don't know what
you're worrying about.
It's much easier for men
to grow old in this society...
Here it comes,
the old double standard.
It's true.
You get distinguished.
We get old.
Miles, you're lucky
you're behind the camera.
You'll probably work forever.
Oh, really.
News shows have to stay
on the cutting edge.
You think the network's
going to listen to me
When I'm a codger of ?
I already met this up-and-coming
producer at The Today Show
He'd never even heard of the Go-Gos.
Little punk!
Probably has a Fisher-Price
briefcase.
The point is, Miles, there are a lot
of older men journalists.
But if you look around,
there aren't any women over .
What happens?
When you turn
You get dragged off
the air by the wrinkle police?
There's always
plastic surgery.
No way!
Give me a break!
Fine. Be that way.
But a lot of people
in our business do it.
Men, too.
Oh, please.
I'd never take that route.
A nip here, a tuck there.
Next thing you know
your face is so tight
you look like you're flying
on the wing of a Concorde.
the thing
that really kills me
is that one day
I may not
be allowed to do my job
Because I look too old.
Boy, what a depressing...
Who brought this up, anyway?
I just wish there was something
you could say
to get people to change
their minds on this.
Give it up, Murph.
There's nothing you can do about it.
There's always something
you can do, Frank.
Order me a cheeseburger
and a large order of fries.
You already ate.
Okay, make it a small order.
Hello,
is this Mrs. Marion Doogan
Of Paterson, New Jersey?
It is?
(raspberries)
(raspberries)