I don't care if you did
push the th floor by mistake.
You should have gotten off.
I don't make the rules.
I can't take it anymore.
I haven't had
a decent night's sleep
Since October.
I've got heartburn,
bloating
And the veins in my legs
Look like a map
of the interstate.
I've had it
with this experience.
I've been carrying this kid
Longer than bonanza
was on the air.
You're in a better mood
than yesterday.
Go back home,
put your feet up and relax.
We can fax whatever you need.
Are you saying
pregnancy has made me weak?
You do the job of ten reporters.
This pregnancy
has not affected your work.
Oh, I have no feelings.
I'm some sort of unemotional
news machine
Unaffected by the miracle
of life.
And welcome once again
to name that hormone.
I know
how you must be feeling.
What I meant was--
i can only imagine
With my insensitive,
underdeveloped male brain.
Next contestant.
Morning, everyone.
We could pick up
where we left off with the s's.
I don't think
Murph's in the mood.
Sure she is, Frank--
Short for Francis,
meaning "Frenchman."
Let's see.
We stopped with Sebastian.
Next is "Selby"
Old English.
It means "from the village
by the mansion."
How about that, Murphy?
Selby... Selby Brown.
As long as you're under the S's,
Corky
"Sherwood."
look it up.
See if it means
Lying in a beaten, lifeless heap
by the stairwell.
Now, Murphy, I know you're
a little out of sorts
But soon you'll look back
on this whole, wonderful pregnancy
And remember
all the special times.
Hearing the baby's heartbeat
Feeling the baby kick.
The baby shower...
Oh, please, baby shower.
I went to one once.
The poor pregnant woman
was sitting there
As big as Jabba the Hutt
And then all the thin,
evil women
Made her wear this stupid hat
made out of used gift bows?
It was cruel
and unusual punishment.
But Murphy, not all showers
are like that.
The right shower can be
a wonderful experience
For both guests of honor and
party-goers alike.
Yeah, right.
The one good thing
about this last month of agony
Is people
have been sensitive enough
not to force me
to take part
In a circus
like that.
Excuse me.
I just remembered...
I left the top off my white out.
What's the matter with her?
Uh, Murph...
I'm going to tell
you something now.
Something you're not
going to like.
Aw, no...
She wasn't planning to make me
wear garbage on my head, was she?
(knocking)
Who is it?
I was just
in the neighborhood
And I thought I'd stop by.
Jeez, it's like I walked
into a Victoria's Secret.
What a surprise.
You've never been
to my office before--
Not once in four years.
Well, I've been meaning
to come by sooner, but I...
Wait a minute.
You got a window.
How did you get
a window?
It was just here.
I don't have a window.
Would you like
to have a seat, Murphy?
None of us has a window.
Any particular reason
you stopped by?
What?
Yeah, I wanted to talk
about the baby shower.
What baby shower?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
It's okay, Corky.
Frank told me
you've been planning one for months?
I appreciate the thought.
I really do.
But a baby shower
just isn't my style.
It's all right, Murphy.
I understand.
I should have asked
you first.
But...
Can I at least show you
the shower invitation?
I'm very proud of it.
I designed
and wrote it myself.
See?
Blue, storks, balloons.
You do good work.
Could you read it,
Murphy?
Out loud.
Please?
"Murphy's baby is coming,
and isn't it funny
"We're having a shower,
come rain or come sunny.
"A kind thought, a good wish,
a warm heart to lend
I'm giving a shower
for my very best friend."
Jeez, Corky.
You wouldn't have
to do anything, Murphy.
You just sit comfortably at home
and enjoy yourself.
You'll get a lot of gifts for the baby.
All you'll have to do
is unwrap them.
Whoa, whoa, time-out.
I need a clarification.
See, I'm not really an expect
on this shower stuff.
Are gifts a guaranteed
or an optional part of the event?
Guaranteed.
Think of all the time you'll save.
You'll never have to set foot in a store.
That's true.
I never thought of it
like that.
Who's coming?
Who's invited to his thing?
Deadbeats? Or people
who might fill my nursery
With expensive Scandinavian
baby furniture?
You already know about
the surprise shower, Murphy.
I want our guests
to be a surprise.
That is...
If they're our guests.
Are they, Murphy?
Well, I guess so.
Oh, Murphy!
I have to ask you to leave now.
No men allowed.
And be careful when you
come in, in the morning.
They'll be a lot of very
expensive presents lying around.
Okay, but if the baby gets
a copy of Bambi
I really don't think
he should see it.
Bambi's mother d*ed
in a forest fire, you know.
I still can't
believe she's gone.
So look, Murphy.
You never even noticed.
I wrapped up all the prizes
for the games
As little mother goose
characters.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Games?
No one mentioned
anything about any games.
It's food, gifts, talk, out.
Now, come on, Murphy,
this shower is a way
For all of us to share
a wonderful experience
Through fun and activities.
The only activity
I care about right now
Is the Activity Box
by Playskool at $ . .
(Doorbell rings)
Now, before I get that,
are you sure you don't want
To give me a clue
as to who it might be?
I'm not telling.
(Doorbell rings)
All right, all right.
I'm pregnant, you know.
Who does this person
think she is
She can't wait a minute?
Excuse me, is this
The Murphy Brown Home
for Pregnant Women?
Oh, my God!
It's one of those annoying
Katie Couric look-alikes.
I can't believe
you found time
To come all the way
to Washington just to see me.
I did have to cancel
a rare interview with the Pope.
But I figured the Pope's
around for life.
What are the chances
of you ever having sex again?
Very comical for a woman
with such a small gift.
Oh, look who's here.
America's sweetheart.
After me.
Here, Katie,
have an hors d'oeuvre.
Make yourself comfortable.
Thank you, Corky.
(Doorbell rings)
Oh, boy. Present number two.
(Doorbell rings)
Take it easy.
I'm pregnant, you know.
Hi.
Joan, how great to see you.
Can you just wait a second?
Corky, did you invite
Joan Lunden?
Yes.
Okay, come on in.
Very funny, Murph.
Oh, my God.
You're really big.
But I mean you're
really, really big.
Oh, nice, Joan.
Make me feel like a national park.
I'm not that big.
I was a blimp three times
on the air, so I can say that.
Are you having triplets?
Or maybe a Honda?
You're very lucky you're holding
a present right now.
Hi, Joan.
Let me help
with that present.
There's punch and goodies
in the living room.
But you better hurry,
'cause Katie's
Eating all the shrimp.
(Doorbell rings)
All right, we're cooking now.
Hold on there,
here comes the shower girl.
All:
Surprise!
Oh, my God.
It's a blonde street g*ng.
Get in here, you guys.
Hi, Murphy.
It's great to see you.
You're not going to believe it.
We drove all the way down
from New York together.
We thought it would be
more fun to drive than fly.
That was before we made
the mistake of letting Faith
get behind the wheel.
Mary Alice,
are you saying
There's something wrong
with the way I drive?
No. I enjoyed
getting from New York
To Washington
in minutes.
Hey, I'm
an excellent driver.
Tell her, Paula.
Oh, please.
I felt safer going Miles
an hour on a bobsled in France.
(Arguing)
And you wonder why
I wouldn't rent that house
in Barbados with you.
Now come on in here
and behave
Or I'll have
to separate you.
(Exchanging greetings)
Everyone...
May I have your attention, please.
Now that you're all here.
I just want to say how
pleased and touched I am
That you were all able
to make it here
To share in Murphy's joy.
And I know she feels the same.
Don't you, Murphy?
Let's open the gifts.
Now be careful
It took my girls
A half an hour and three rolls
of scotch tape to do that.
You'll get a lot of use
out of that.
What is it?
It's a baby commuter.
I hold everything you need
when you take the baby on a flight.
I mean, we all fly a lot.
It's very useful.
Sort of like a little
pet carrier.
Does the baby go in here?
She's worse than I thought.
Murphy, the baby doesn't
go inside the bag.
The clothes and things
go inside the bag.
The baby goes into the belly of the plane
along with the luggage.
And remember to get a big
bag of earplugs
For all the other passengers.
Alice once cried across three time zones.
Started over Pittsburgh.
Didn't stop till Salt Lake City.
Wait until you have to change a diaper
in the airplane bathroom.
And hit air pocket
Forget about wearing Donna Karen.
Just get a Hefty bag
with armholes.
Well, I'm going to fly so much
with my baby, I'm sure
he'll be perfectly comfortable.
A natural born traveler
just like his old mom.
All: Uh-huh.
This one's
from Paula and Katie.
Ooh. A combo gift.
There's always so much
pressure on these to deliver.
Think it will, Paula.
I have no idea what it is.
Katie was in charge of getting the gift.
Is it nice?
I haven't really seen it
I was so backed up at work, Murphy.
I told my assistant what to get,
and she picked it up.
Golf shoes, size -D.
Oh, good choice, Katie.
So few people would think
of getting a brand new mom
shoes with cleats.
I can't believe it.
Bryant Gumbel is
at his birthday party right now
Unwrapping a breast pump!
Sorry, Murphy,
we're not used
to messing up like this.
But you'll see.
Babies completely
take your focus away.
Five minutes before I sat
down to interview Boris Yeltsin
I'm trying to explain
to my little Hayley
Why it isn't nice to put
peanut butter on the puppy.
Paula's right, though.
When you're at work,
you're thinking about the kids.
When you're with the kids,
you're thinking about work.
You get so mixed up
you don't know where you are?
You talk baby-talk at work.
I once asked Garrick Utley
If he had
to make a boom-boom.
About this focus thing. Isn't it
just a question of scheduling?
You just have to find the
best way to budget your time.
All: Uh-huh.
Okay, here we go.
Next gift, Murphy.
This one's from Faith.
Oh, look.
Little blue bunnies.
Aren't they cute?
Adorable.
I wanted to get something
to make your life easier.
They're so hard to wrap.
Ooh.
A room monitor.
Oh, this is great.
Now, where ever I go
I can monitor the baby
while he's sleeping.
This is a great invention.
Yes, you can obsess over
every single little sound they make.
It's great. They sleep
and you stay up
And listen.
Paula:
For your information,
the baby never sleeps.
Kiss your pillow
goodbye, Murph.
In fact, I added it up
the other day.
I think I have slept hours
in the past six months?
Mm-hmm. Sounds right.
Okay, next gift, Murphy.
Murphy?
(rattling)
Are you all right?
Huh?
Oh yeah, next present.
The rattle is for the baby.
But what's inside the box is
something just for you.
Something to take care of
your own personal needs.
Oh, thank you, Mary Alice.
That is so sweet.
Thank you for recognizing
that I may still have needs.
What the hell is this?
It's a Thigh-Master.
Before you get insulted,
we all know that during pregnancy
Certain things happen
to a woman's body.
And as we can all see,
they've happened to yours.
Let me tell you something, Mary Alice.
I'm not going to need this.
I have one of those bodies
that'll bounce right back.
All: Uh-huh.
Will you stop doing that!
Move to the right.
You, Murphy, not you, Joan.
Okay, great.
All set.
Okay, everyone,
say " -share".
All: -share.
This was a lot of fun.
It was so nice seeing you all.
Oh, by the way, Murphy,
Corky promised me a picture
of you with this lovely hat.
I think Diane Sawyer
will pay big money for it.
Bye.
Bye, everybody.
Corky, thank you
so much for everything.
The shrimp were great.
Murphy, it's so good to see you.
And I promise I'll send you
that breast pump as soon as
I get it back.
That is, if Bryant
hasn't used it yet.
Murphy, I had the best time.
I had lots of fun.
I know I said that at Katie's shower
But I really mean it this time.
I heard that.
Bye.
Thanks, Corky.
Thank you so much.
And remember, Murphy,
any kid problems at all, call me.
I can teach you to make a
Batman costume out of
an old Emmy dress.
All right, let's go.
The New York Express is leaving.
Give me the keys, Faith.
I'm driving.
Not!
I don't want to get
in that car, Murphy.
It's a conspiracy by NBC
to bump me off
because we're gaining on them.
Thank you.
Thanks, Corky.
Buh-bye.
Bye.
So, Murphy...
I say it was a wonderful shower.
I had a really great time.
How about you?
I don't know, Corky.
I think I'm in trouble.
I don't think I'm going
to be able to do it.
I'm not cut out for this
whole working mother thing.
What are you talking about?
Of course, you are.
You heard all those stories
About juggling babies and careers.
They're like supermoms.
I don't belong in that category.
I thought the baby
went in the travel bag.
There aren't even any air holes.
Murphy, now I want you to
listen to me very carefully.
Joan Lunden said she labels her family's
meals three months in advance.
Murphy, you are not like anyone else.
You have always done things
your own way.
And you'll find your way
with this, too.
You know, it's so interesting.
You're about to have a baby.
Bet you always thought
it'd be me first.
I did.
Me, too.
But so much has happened
to me in the last four years.
I have a job.
No, a career.
And I love it, so much.
But, I don't think
I could handle both.
So I'm going to
be watching you, Murphy.
Because I know
If anybody can do it
It's you.
Oh, Corky.
Thank you.
Thank you for this whole day.
And for the cradle.
It's so beautiful.
Well...
I'd better start putting these
things in the dishwasher.
You know
Maybe I'm panicking
over nothing.
Maybe I'm going
to be all right at this.
Aw, geez.
(Doorbell rings)
Murphy, you want me to get that?
No, I'll get it.
Probably just a flock
of rampant storks
waiting to peck me apart.
(Doorbell rings)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, Murph.
That's what I admire
about you, Frank.
The horse throws you,
you get right back on.
So...
The shower's over, huh?
I guess it wasn't much
of a party without me.
But this is probably better
Because I wanted
to give you this
without a lot of
people around.
Oh, Frank, this is so sweet.
You shouldn't have done this.
I wanted to do something
To celebrate this event in your life.
I mean,
After all we've been through together.
It's important to me.
A deck of playing cards.
Gee, Frank, these will come in very handy
If the baby's born while I'm on a riverboat.
They're for us.
This might be
the last chance we get
To play late night poker
for quite a while.
Oh.
You are the best best-friend
anybody could ever have.
But you know...
playing poker with just two people
is kind of difficult. So...
Guys, come on in!
Make way.
Coming through.
Somebody here
having a baby?
Murphy, we're here as the
official representatives
of the Y-chromosome.
Baby shower poker-style, Slugger.
You want presents
you have to win them.
You guys.
This is great.
I got some wonderful gifts today
But very little cash.
This is going to be quite nice.
Okay, listen up.
I got potato salad.
I got submarine sandwiches,
macaroni salad,
cherry cheese cake.
That out to be enough
for you, Murphy.
The rest of us will
just order pizza.
Well, look who's here.
Men.
Just couldn't stay away, could you?
They're throwing me a poker shower.
Isn't it perfect?
It's the best of
all possible worlds.
Poker? Really?
I've always wanted
to learn how to play.
Well, well, well.
Isn't this an interesting turn of events.
The woman who banned me
from her shower
now wants to come to ours.
What do you make of that,
my brothers?
I don't know.
It seems highly irregular.
We do, however, make
an exception for Murphy,
Who is the cocoon or pod
containing our new crown prince.
Oh, well...
I really would like to
be a part of this group.
But...
I understand
It's just that I
Have a purse full of cash
And no real knowledge
of the game.
Deal her in.
Okay.
So what are the stakes.
Buck a chip.
Oh, is that the best you can do?
My back is k*lling me.
And I could deliver
at any minute.
Make it worth my while
to at least stay up and play
Murphy's right.
Whatever you want.
Name it.
Okay.
Each chip is worth
a free hour of babysitting time.
I'm out.
Oh, come on.
Half an hour.