03x02 - The Bend in the River: Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The A-Team". Aired: January 23, 1983 – March 8, 1987.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Four former members of a fictitious United States Army Special Forces team were tried by court martial for a crime they had not committed.
Post Reply

03x02 - The Bend in the River: Part 1

Post by bunniefuu »

Perhaps for a small amount of
money I can give you a hand.

And when he got back from trying to
find the lost treasure of Del Rio...

their convoy was att*cked...

by a river pirate
who goes by the name...

of El Cajon.

I think that's
a Spanish word.

"Translation: The coffin."

[screaming]

(Hannibal) Maybe I
could wear this suit.

I bet I'd wow them
on the Amazon River.

You are crazy men, no?

[screaming]

I know where the lost city
of Del Rio is.

So the lost city's there.
It's really there.

(Doyle) And all its
treasures are mine.

(Little John)
And all its evils, too.

El Cajon is a pirate.
He lives by a pirate's code.

We've got a code of our own.

Pull back!

Does Hannibal know
what he's doing?

Probably not. But the other
guys don't know either.

[crashing]

There. The Devil's Horns!

♪ He said, ooh-eh
ooh-ah-ah N'

Who in hell are you?

The A-Team!

What will become
of the A-Team?

Boy, do I love
this movie.

(male narrator) In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime
they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles
underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire
the A-Team.

[g*n f*ring]

(Little John) Go too far down
this river, is me think.

All this nonsense about El
Cajon, the river pirate.

These people really believe
he's some kind of devil?

A mystical creature who can walk
without one foot touching the ground.

You gotta be kidding.

El Cajon,
he maketh no shadow.

Death follow him
like silent friend.

El Cajon has cobra and
moccasin around his neck.

They fear to bite him.

Look, our deal was you would take
me to the Jurua Tributary...

and on past the settlement at Fonte Boa.
I paid you for that distance.

That was before husband of me
sister had vision last night.

Your brother-in-law chews cocoa leaves.
He's high. He's loaded.

His pupils look like
train tunnels.

He see tomorrow today.

Ah, he's a little bit crazy,
me think.

[laughing]

But he is listened by others.

We're not turning back,
Little John.

When we reach
bend in river, we see.

That is me best think on it.

[birds chirping]

You say to them that I know where
the lost city of Del Rio is.

[grunts]

The religious artifacts,
they can have.

The treasures of their
Peruvian Indians.

Much magic. Okay?

You and your family
be big medicine.

Much magic.

He want two thing.

Okay. What?

You will offer your hand
to El Cajon to save our lives.

That's easy enough.
Sure. What else?

He want good luck medal
from your neck.

My girlfriend gave me
this St. Christopher.

Kind of a pre-engagement gift.

These things will take you
round bend in river.

Nothing else.

[exclaiming]

[Little John laughing]

(Little John)
It will be safe now.

I don't believe this.

So, looks like
El Cajon's...

out scaring snakes on
another part of the river.

El Cajon.

[yelling in Spanish]

[yelling]

[g*ns f*ring]

Maintain your course.
We'll outrun him.

No, you must stop.

You will give him
your hand.

I don't think this guy
wants to shake hands.

No shake hands.

You will let him cut it off and you will
offer it as a gift to save our lives.

[laughing]

(El Cajon)
Good morning, señor.

You seem to be having
a bit of trouble.

Perhaps for a small amount of
money I can give you a hand.

I thought I was
supposed to give you mine.

This is a very old
Indian custom.

You give a hand
to protect your friends.

Is very, very
funny custom, no?

[El Cajon laughing]

[speaking in Spanish]

[g*ns f*ring]

[El Cajon speaking Spanish]

[El Cajon laughing]

(El Cajon) Such is the
legend of El Cajon.

He will tell the others of the
man who walks on one leg.

[laughing]

Perhaps a box
of diamonds, eh?

It's my journal.

Your journal.

Yes...

very important,
these words.

Just my personal stuff.

I see.

[laughing]

It is about many women, eh?

I think?

[El Cajon laughing]

I will read these words later.

[laughing]

[El Cajon laughing]

Señor, this is not the way for
friends to welcome each other...

over the barrel
of the pistola.

You're not my friend, fatso.
Where's the rest of the money?

Isn't it you who's
bringing the money to me?

Does not your boss,
Señor Doylee, pay me...

to keep people
off the river?

I'm through with you and I'm through
with Doyle. I want what you've got.

[groans]

My bad leg,
she aches.

May I sit down?

The man who walks
with one foot get tired...

somedays.

You fat bucket of donkey sweat.
Where is it?

You make a big mistake.

[g*n f*ring]

It is a double barrel,
señor.

The man who walks
on one leg...

carries a shotgun
in the other.

Is good trick, no, eh?

The fat bucket of donkey sweat
do it again, eh?

[laughing]

[coughing]

(David)
All right, cut.

You're making a big mistake
with me, muchacho.

You're a $328-a-day goof
in a monster suit.

When I say come out
of the water fast,

I mean
come out of the water fast.

(Hannibal) I'm just trying
to give the character

some motivation, David.

(Hannibal)
You see, David...

the Aquamaniac
is a little confused here.

He's k*lled three girls...

but one, he sort of loved.

(David)
Loved?

Loved.

Where the hell
did you get that?

We're not doing Macbeth.

We're doing a cheese-sandwich
horror movie here.

That doesn't mean it can't
be performed well, David.

Right. That's lunch.

Lunch everybody.

David, I'm trying to give
the Aquamaniac some soul.

Now, as corny as it seems...

he's the classic
fish out of water.

You're putting me on?

No.

You see, he really comes from a
lake in the African rain forest.

His egg was transported
by mistake to I.A...

with a zoologist who was bringing
back these ostrich eggs.

Now, he feels that--

I know the story, Smith.

I just want you to come
out of the water faster.

Why do you
put me through this?

I can't come out of the water
faster and be sad...

and remorseful, and lost.

It can't be performed.

Mattie, get this guy
out of this costume...

and get me another stiff
from the wardrobe department.

One that won't bore the pants off
me with this Stanislavsky drivel.

David, you are
being unreasonable.

I'm just trying to give
the Aquamaniac a soul.

I have done it
in three movies.

Now, get this jerk
off the set.

Are you on this company?

Oh, yeah, sure. I'm the
Aquamaniac's dialogue coach.

Chicken a la king, please.

The Aquamaniac doesn't
have any dialogue.

Uh-uh.

On page 26, he says...

[growling]

Now, that can be read...

[growling]

Or...

[grunting]

Now, I'm sure you could see what a
total difference a line reading makes.

One is angry, and the other
is really more of a question.

I'm not even gonna go into what he says
on page 110 in his really big scene...

where he dies and says...

[screeching]

It's a really tricky
piece of acting.

Of course, Smith and I are
really beginning to find...

the true meaning and the depth
of this character.

Personally, I see the line
as an appeal for forgiveness.

You know, sort of a final
animal cry in the wilderness.

You know, as a hopeful moment
for future monsters...

wherever they are.

Come on, Face.
I'm off the picture.

[stammering]

Well, it's show business.

I mean, I had a real back story
on this character, Face.

I was giving it dimension.

Look, Hannibal...

Tawnia's over at my place.

She's been crying her eyes out all morning.
She wants to talk to you.

Well, what're we
supposed to do, huh?

Go down the Amazon
and bail this playboy out?

What do I look like,
a magician? Feet.

No, a fish out of water.

That was my whole concept
of the character.

See, it's a classic. A kind of
a Pygmalion with scales, huh?

Hannibal, what am I supposed to tell her,
huh? She says she wants to marry him.

She wants us to go down there
and look for him.

Maybe I could wear this suit. I bet
I'd wow them on the Amazon River.

Give me that fish suit.

Another guy's coming down.

I had a real fix
on this character.

Oh, well.
Let's go talk to Tawnia, huh?

Great! I'll drive.

[engine starting]

And so the paper sent a stringer
down to Monte Alegre...

which is a tiny town on the
Jurua tributary of the Amazon.

There's a river Indian there, who
goes by the name of Little John.

Little John.
I like that.

He was in Brian's party,
and the only one to get away.

Apparently their convoy
was att*cked...

by a river pirate
who goes by the name...

of El Cajon.

(Face)
El Cajon?

El Cajon? I think that's
a Spanish word, not a name.

And you're engaged
to this Brian Lefcourt?

Pre-engaged.

We gave each other
these St. Christophers...

and when he got back from trying to
find the lost treasure of Del Rio...

we were going to be married.

When did all this happen?

Last month.

When you guys were in South
Carolina helping that old sheriff.

I don't want to be
judgmental but...

well, marrying the rich owner of
the newspaper where you work...

Rock Hudson and Doris Day
did that movie in 1950.

I'm not marrying him
for his money.

Let's get back
to this lost city stuff.

There wouldn't happen to be some lost
treasure in this lost city, would there?

Brian isn't
after the treasure.

He has a doctorate
in Archeology...

and there happen to be
tremendous cultural finds...

that date back to the
early Peruvian tribes.

Oh, well, now,
this is encouraging.

Yeah?
Yeah.

"El Cajon. Spanish
translation: The coffin."

What kind of a scungele
would call himself a coffin?

Well, probably the same kind that
would call himself Hannibal.

[both snickering]

Come on, Face, Hannibal the Great
was a general, he was a thinker.

A coffin is just a suitcase for
a dead body. It lacks style.

It's klutzy, brutish.

The guy is a t*rror1st slob.

And I think I'd like to tell that to Mr.
Coffin in person.

(Hannibal) Face, you spring
Murdock, I'll get B.A.

(Face)
Yes, yes, it was tragic.

That's why the family
has asked me...

to handle the final part
of the interment.

I don't quite understand.

Are you with the Congregational
Church or Lyman Brothers Mortuary?

Both.

You see, it's all
pre-packaging these days.

One-stop shopping,
if you will.

Yes. Now, I've given you
the paper work.

I wonder if I might
have a few...

final moments
with the deceased?

Now, that's
Lieutenant Colonel...

Lawrence Bushman.

Colonel Bushman was taken away
this morning, I thought.

If he was, would I be here with
our Heaven Rider number six?

Your what?
The coffin.

Oh.

Would you mind having a few of the
attendants outside unload the hearse?

And which way might
the hospital wing be?

To your left,
second floor, right.

Thank you, child.

Yes, yes, lovely.
Thank you.

And, if one of you might remain
behind to help me with last rites?

Yes. Let me see.

Let me see. I think...

Oh, you, in the whatever.

Yes, he'll do nicely.

And if the rest of you could just
wait outside, please. Thank you.

All right, Murdock, hop in.
We're running a little late.

It's always the same.
It's always the same.

They never ever
give me what I ask for.

Murdock, it's all
I could get, all right?

Are you kidding me?

Who would send me
these little pillows...

and this pale beige lining?

What has this got to do
with the rest of the set?

Has any thought been given as
to who might play the lead...

and would he indeed look good in oak?
Murdock--

I want you to get on to
wardrobe and on to make-up...

and clean this mess up.

This entire production has
been shtank from day one.

What're you, making a movie?
The movie.

It's going to be fantastic. It's
called Closed For Remodeling.

You could be a star.

Those eyes,
those blue eyes are stunning!

Why don't you
try the angle from inside.

That's a great idea. You and I
are gonna work well together.

Those eyes, that hair, that chin,
the way it frames the face.

I know.

Half the world's
population should see it.

Where's Murdock?

The service was brief
but very moving.

He broke down and asked if he could
remain behind in the bathroom...

to compose himself.

♪♪[Murdock humming]

That was me.

I'm sorry, I sometimes
get carried away.

[Murdock grunting]

We need all this stuff,
Hannibal?

For a guy named "The coffin", I want to
be able to stitch his bag with lead.

How come we gonna
unload it from the van?

Because I have to ship it
to where we're going.

We're flying, ain't we?

That's right, B.A.

It's out of the country and
we're gonna have to fly there.

Only I don't fly, Hannibal.

And now that I know
you want me to fly...

I ain't gonna
turn my back on you.

You ain't gonna get me
with no knock-out drops, man.

Ain't no way you're gonna get
me to eat or drink anything.

I understand.

Then, you won't want...

this last swallow
of your milk, I guess?

[grunts]

[thudding]

(Murdock) The movie business
is in real trouble, Faceman.

Gross receipts are down.

I mean, the whole industry, it's, you
know, it's run by attorneys anyway.

They cut a real filmmaker
to shreds.

Have I got stories. Boy!

Have I got stories
to tell you.

I mean, committees of men sitting
around in smoke-filled offices...

What is this all about?
Oh, this is gonna be fun.

He's making a movie.

A classic little film called
Closed For Remodeling.

(Murdock) ...works of immense
struggle, and I will not...

That's already opened. I saw it
on a theater marquee last week.

Don't you do that to me,
Hannibal.

One lunatic
in this outfit is enough.

[laughing]

Oh, my gosh!
Look at that face!

Have you ever considered
a career in show business?

We have to pick up Tawnia.

We have a lot to do.
Get out of there, Murdock.

You're making a big mistake.
I'm telling you, both of you.

You, meet me
in my office Monday, 5:00.

Hey, Señor Doylee.

I'm looking for Kruger.

He came over here two days ago
with your money.

He never came back. I was about
to send a man to you, señor.

He no show. I think maybe
you no like my work.

I stop many boats,
catch many men for you.

Well, maybe he took off
with the money.

If he gets to Iquitos...

gets drunk and starts telling
anybody what's going on here...

lam sure this will not happen.
You k*lled him?

[laughing]

I am a simple
river boat captain.

The jungle,
she is very mean...

and it is a long
dangerous way to Iquitos.

How many have you got?
Twenty men, six women.

I will have them
gathered up for you, señor.

Put them on your boat.

I didn't know you could
read, muchacho?

Like this river, señor,
lam a man with many turns.

It is of beautiful women
who sing, dance...

drink wine and love, no?

Where did you get this? This
belongs to Brian Lefcourt.

Is he known to you?

He owns some of the biggest
newspapers in the world.

Ah!

An important man? He must
be worth mucho dinero.

Where is he? I want him now.

[groaning]

My bad leg,
she is aching.

It is time for poor crippled
El Cajon to sit, I think.

Where is he, Cajon? Or I'll
blow your stinking heart out.

And if you ever point
this g*n at me again...

I'll feed you your leg.

[laughing]

I like you, señor.
You are a man to admire.

[people chattering]

Get them up.
Load them aboard.

[men speaking Spanish]

(Doyle)
Come on, move it.

Hold it. Put him
in the forward cabin.

[man speaking Spanish]

Until next time.
You are a joy, patrón.

[chuckling]

But you did a big mistake
with me, muchacho.

(Murdock)
I don't know! I do not know!

How am I supposed
to make this classic...

if my driver keeps hitting
every bump in the road?

[Murdock groans]

(B.A.)
Help! Help!

[B.A. screaming]

Don't tell me
I'm in this coffin, Hannibal!

If you tell me
I'm in this coffin...

I'm going to start
spilling you guys' teeth!

No, no, no, no, no. That's not a coffin,
B.A., that's a Heaven Rider.

Yeah, we at Lyman Brothers
like to think...

that there are no angry
spirits in a Heaven Rider.

You guys slipped me down in a coffin.
That's it. This is the last one.

It's gone too far, Hannibal.
You hear me?

Sergeant Baracus, who was our
Ordnance Officer in Vietnam?

I was. You know I was.
Right.

Now, don't think of it as being
shipped down here in a coffin...

think of it as accompanying
our ordnance locker.

(Hannibal)
And...

a job well done,
Sergeant.

This is a coffin, Hannibal,
it's not an ordnance locker.

Now, B.A., emote, emote,
emote!

You guys brought me
down in a coffin.

It will not be in the
final cut, I promise!

[people chattering]

Yes?

(Hannibal) The Reverend O'Herlihy
and I are transporting a coffin...

up past the bend in the river
to the settlement at Fonte Boa.

We're looking for a river
guide named Little John.

Do you know
where I can find him?

They don't want us to leave.
How hospitable.

Ladies and gentlemen...

my name is H. M. Murdock...

better known in the theatrical
capitals of the world...

as H. M. M.,

or Mmm-hmm.

And I am the greatest director
of the cinema...

that has ever exposed
a frame of film...

and I usually get what I want.

So where are the 200
llama wool sweaters...

that I need for the barbeque
scene on the beach?

You want to be in this picture,
chickie, you better get what I want!

Well, are you gonna
go get the sweaters...

or are you gonna pull one of these
mealy-mouthed el foldos on me?

This is a joke?
Your're kidding, señor.

A joke. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.

(Murdock) You're gonna
joke all the way...

on the plane
back to L.A., boy-o!

[people murmuring]

I'm looking for a river
guide named Little John.

He d*ed.

No kidding.
When did that happen?

Tomorrow.

(Churlisco) And you're gonna
b*at him into the ground...

unless you pack your bags
and get out of here real fast.

You're very sure
of yourself, aren't you?

Well, it's a nice,
friendly place you have here.

Now, why don't you
open the door...

and not cause any trouble?

That door stays locked
till you and your friends...

tell us why
you're really here.

B.A.

[people screaming]

Now, you're the guy with the big mouth
so you can tell me where Little John is.

I tell you nothing.

[groaning]
You want to bet?

[Churlisco groaning]

Where is Little John?

[gasping]

He's on Bobbi Cardina's
boat at the wharf.

Oh, thank you so much
for your hospitality.

[Spits]

[quacking]

(Hannibal)
B.A., guard the road.

(Hannibal) We're looking for
a man named Little John.

(man) Little John
leave many days ago.

(Hannibal) Well, what about Bobby Cardina?
Where is he?

Is best you go, señor. The
captain takes no passengers.

No freight.

What is this,
caramel custard?

It is material for the church which is
being built beyond the bend in the river.

Yes, well, speaking of churches,
I'm the Reverend Galen Giles...

and we're taking this casket to
the settlement at Fonte Boa.

Señores, you must go.

[g*n f*ring]

We got trouble coming,
Hannibal!

Cut us loose, Face. Hannibal,
we got trouble coming!

(Hannibal) All right, we're
gonna borrow your barge!

Everybody off this sucker!

(Hannibal)
He didn't make it.

Nice drinking with you!

Okay, querido,
who the hell are you?

[g*n crashing]

My name is Hannibal Smith.

And if I could persuade you
to take that g*n down...

this could be the start of an
interesting friendship. Who are you?

My name is Bobbi Cardina and I'm
the captain of this vessel.

Miss Cardina, I hope
we haven't inconvenienced you.

Look what you
have done, señor.

I've only half the load.
You have cost me much money.

(Hannibal) If I could persuade
you to put that g*n down...

perhaps I can
make it up to you.

Well, perhaps you could
persuade your friends...

to put down
their g*ns as well.

Now, señor,
get ready for a swim.

But you haven't
heard my offer.

I will pay you $100,000
in American money...

to take us
to the settlement.

Now, I know you got a deal with
El Cajon, the river pirate.

Some reason he
lets you get by.

Think about it,
Miss Cardina...

$100,000, American.

You have the money on you?
It's in the coffin.

What a wonderful idea, Colonel.
It's gonna look great in my film.

There is no money, is there?

Well, not yet, but who knows.

Let's say that we're
at a standoff.

There are
no standoffs, querido.

I like this girl, Hannibal.

So do I.

[Bobbi laughing]

You are crazy men, no?

I'm not crazy.
I'm a great filmmaker.

I have visions that I turn
into cellular monuments...

and I'm here to tell you
that with your aspect ratio...

you could walk with
the cinematic gods.

Actually, what we're looking
for, see, is a river guide.

Yeah, a chap by the name
of Little John.

He was the guide
for Brian Lefcourt's party.

(Bobbi)
Yes, I heard that.

Señor Lefcourt
has been captured.

Many people are captured on this river.
None are ever seen again.

You're saying
he's been k*lled?

I'm saying none
are ever seen again.

El Cajon is a pirate.

He lives by a pirate's code.

Well, Mr. Coffin's in
for a big surprise...

because we've got
a code of our own.

Señor, I have heard from one of
Doyle's men in Monte Alegre...

the big one named Churlisco,

he was att*cked
in a bar by four men.

And they have taken
the Cardina river barge.

It is about one mile
up river from here.

Which men? Whose men?

I don't know.
But they're armed.

We will show these men
what happens...

when one passes
bend in the river...

without the permission
of El Cajon.

(Hannibal) We're coming
to the bend in the river.

Keep it in the center
of the current.

Now--
I don't know...

props must be asleep
on this picture.

I asked to have some small
canoes along that bank.

You know,
symbolizing lost battles...

That's not props, Murdock,
that's set dressing.

Oh, it's not props. What?

Take positions over here and
keep your r*fles out of sight.

(Hannibal) All right, if that slime
ball jumps us, we'll sink him.

Get inside, honey. Not
on your life, Hannibal.

I got you guys into this.
I'm not going below decks.

Right.

(Tawnia)
Hannibal.

(Bobbi) You like this,
don't you, señor?

(Hannibal) It does get
the blood started.

Now, when the f*ring starts,
stay down.

I will pilot this vessel.

It's all I own.

All right, stand by.
Here he comes.

Señor, we have
some engine trouble.

Would you help us, please?

Get that bunch of lumber out of
my way or I'll run you down.

This may be harder
than you think, señor.

If you have g*ns
you will drop them.

Forget it, pal,
we're going through.

No way, señor. You are
four, we are ten.

[laughing]

[g*n f*ring]

[yelling in Spanish]

[yelling in Spanish]

Pull back! Pull back!

(Hannibal)
Hold it right there!

You are well armed, señor.

Are you the jackass that
calls himself "The Coffin"?

Yes, señor. El Cajon.

Mr. Coffin,
please do not sweat.

There is to be
no sweating in my film.

Here, wipe it off yourself.

All right, now take us
to your camp. Move it.

Boy, do I
love this movie.

Don't you?

B.A.

See if you can find some
place to lock these guys up.

Right.

Ándele,
ándele! Pronto!

Not you, Coffin.

The pirate business
hasn't been so good, huh?

Señor, if you knew
the problems...

a poor river boat
pirate must face.

It is not an easy life.

Yeah, and it isn't getting
any easier, is it?

Okay, which one
of these cabañas is yours?

The one with
the TV antenna, huh?

The reception
is muy malo.

Get only Donald Duck
on Saturday without sound.

What a shame.
Let's take a look.

(Hannibal) We're looking
for Brian Lefcourt.

We know you att*cked his boat.
Now, where is he?

Señor, my leg is wood...

and she aches very much.

Perhaps El Cajon
might sit down...

while we speak about
this Señor Lefcourt.

Okay, but keep
your hands in sight.

This Señor Lefcourt,
you have come...

all this way with these
powerful weapons to find him?

I'll ask the questions.

Now open up, before I take you
outside and hang you upside down.

Is this the way to speak
to the respected enemy?

That's the way I am.

Spill it, Coffin.

In that case, adiós, señor.

[g*n clicking]

So, you had a little surprlse for me, huh?
No, l don't.

You ought to get some
plastic cartridges, pal.

You can't go swimming
with those paper-wrapped.

You catch me at disadvantage, señor.
Give me the chance.

Same chance you gave me, huh?

Yeah, but you had
nothing of value to trade.

But I have
something for you.

The traveler you seek,
Señor Lefcourt.

I can give him to you.
I can, señor.

Doyle here.

(El Cajon)
Señor Doylee, hola.

I have for you some news.
Not so good.

I have some peoples here,
and they look for the man...

the one called Lefcourt.

(Doyle)
Who are they?

They say
what they' re after?

No, they just seek
for the one called Lefcourt.

And you've captured them?

They are here with me.

Well, hang on to them.
I'll be there at first light.

They shall be here
when you arrive.

You have my word.

Well, not bad.

[laughing]

I assume you mean
the way I handle a Kn*fe.

That, too.

You are very funny.

You have the looks and manners
of the playboy but you are not.

You're a professional.
All of you are professionals.

So, what is it, señor?

What makes Brian Lefcourt so
muy importante, huh?

She does.

And she's not your woman?

Could I bring a girlfriend
down here with me...

and still call myself
a professional?

No. But she's not one of you.
Not part of your team.

She has the heart,
but not the soul for it.

Well, she's a friend.
A good friend.

And someone she cares about
is in trouble.

So you came up here for that
and no other reason, huh?

Do you find it
difficult to understand...

something as simple as someone
caring about someone they love?

I know all
about caring, señor.

[laughing]
And loving.

Is that what gives you the privilege
to go round the bend in the river?

Are you this Doyle's woman?

I belong to no one.

Hey, Señor Doylee.

What's going on? How come
your boat's half sunk?

I always knew that you had
the good nose for trouble...

and we have plenty.

[groans]

Beautiful, B.A.,
it was beautiful.

You're gonna be
a sensation at Cannes.

Okay, boy-chick,
this next sh*t...

is gonna be multiple cameras.
It's the great m*ssacre scene.

It's where your body is riddled
with thousands of b*ll*ts.

Unfortunately, I got to get it
the first time. No retakes.

You get my drift?

You wanted to talk to us
about Brian Lefcourt.

You stupid, fat pig.

I would not be
too harsh with the words...

considering where
we both stand, my friend.

We want to know about Brian.
Is he all right?

The lady asked you
a question, pal.

Is he? Tell me.

I'm sure you will see him
soon enough, chiquita.

Their weapons
are no good, Doyle.

[laughing]

Shall we drop the weapons,
gentlemen?

Might as well. She pulled
the f*ring pins, guys.

I am sorry, querido.

Not half as sorry
as I am.

Not as sorry
as you will be.

[laughing]

Get them aboard the barge!

You will return them
to the encampment...

and then continue on
with your supplies.

I will have to make
one more trip.

There was to be
no more trips.

Because of them I had to shove
off without being fully loaded.

What is one more trip
among friends?

Under the circumstances, I do not think
you have much to complain about.

[El Cajon yelling in Spanish]

Are you loco?

If not for her,
we would be their prisoners.

If not for her, they wouldn't
be here in the first place.

Every trip she takes past the
bend in the river jeopardizes us.

Now we are on the alert.

We will watch them.

But that was foolish,
Señor Doylee.

She's a stubborn one.

Never mind.

After this delivery I'll
have no use for her anyway.

You wish me to k*ll her?

No.

She is one
I want for myself.

(B.A.) Yeah, Hannibal, I hope
you're working on another plan.

We haven't finished with the old plan.
What old one?

The one that takes us
to find Brian Lefcourt.

You call getting caught
like this a plan?

Well, with
a few minor glitches...

it takes us
directly to Lefcourt.

Sounds logical to me.
It would.

(Bobbi)
Cast off.

[boat engine humming]

Continue down river
and unload these supplies.

Then get back to Cajon's camp
and wait for my instructions.

I will not forget
what happened back there.

Good.

(Tawnia)
Brian!

Oh, Brian.

Oh, mi querida.

[laughing]

Look who has come
to join us.

[Ramirez laughing]

I owe you, señor.

Oh, that's all right.

Watching you roll around
on the ground...

outside that bar
was payment enough for me.

[groans]

(Doyle)
Enough!

This is the one-- I want
him alive, for now.

Regroup with your friends
in there. Talk.

(Doyle) Take time to wonder
what will happen to you.

How unpleasant and painful
I promise it to be.

There isn't anything my men and I
haven't seen in another time...

in another jungle.

I will give them some time to remember
what they meant to each other.

Then I will take the girl...

and he'll tell me
what I want to know.

If you had any brains
you'd k*ll me now.

[men grunting]

Good morning, J.B.
How were the dailies?

Do you really know where the
lost city of Del Rio is?

Doyle has been trying
to get me to talk for days.

The only reason he's keeping me alive
is 'cause I haven't broken yet.

We're talking about
a lot of money here, right?

I mean, riches beyond belief?

So the legend goes.

Right. Gold and silver
and rubies and diamonds--

Lions and tigers
and bears. Oh my!

Well, that explains why he's
got you here like Papillon.

But it doesn't
tell us anything...

about what he's
doing up river...

with those supplies he's shipping
on Bobbi Cardina's barge.

Maybe he's searching
for the lost city.

Hoping to find it if Brian
doesn't tell him. No!

(B.A.) I looked at that
stuff on the barge...

while we was
coming up river...

and it was
construction material.

And them guys ain't gonna
build no church.

I swear I did not request
these script changes.

Whatever happened
to the original ending?

Those happily-forever-after endings
that have become my trademark?

Your trademark is stupidity.

Hey, you.

(Hannibal)
Yeah, you.

Your friend over there
looks a little sick.

I think it's because he's been looking
at your pig face for too long.

(Face) Hey, Colonel, come
on, don't get on the jazz.

You're just gonna
get yourself in trouble.

You talk big from in there.

Well, maybe
you should let me out.

No, Doyle said, no.
Yeah, Doyle said no.

Doyle said, no
for this pendejo.

Perhaps he would like
to see his friend scream.

Oh, why is it always me?

You haven't got the guts.

Hey, Hannibal, what are
you trying to do here?

No. No, Doyle
will skin you.

See, Face, you got off easy.

Yeah, you think?

You yellow-bellied
sack of pus.

[exclaims]

(Face) Oh, no. Look, wait,
wait, can we talk about this?

[chains clinking]

You've got him against the ropes, champ.
Now take him out!

Hit him anywhere
but the face.

[exclaims]

[laughing]

[Face grunting]

[grunting]

[exclaiming]

Face, you've got
a mad extra here.

He didn't get
his lunch money.

[choking]

Get me that kid with the gold
around his neck. He's fantastic!

Who's his agent?

[grunting]

[panting]

I'm impressed, Face.

I thought he was
going to cream you.

Yeah, but you know...

[laughing]

[Face groans]

Looks like you could use
a hand, muchacho.

I was going to cut you loose.

Right.

Now, let the others out.

[birds twittering]

You're a Princess.

Face, all that I can say
is it's a good thing...

we weren't
rolling film.

I mean, I know
that it was, you know...

just the rehearsal, but
still, I need more.

More?
More!

Don't hold back.

I know that what you were
doing was real...

but in film what we need
is that which looks real.

Well, I'm fed up with all this
movie business business, you know?

(Murdock) Audiences today
are so sophisticated...

they're never going
to go for that ballet...

that you
put on for them.

[yelling]

[yelling]

That's real!
Oh, it's fantastic.

It's so real.

[panting]

I've had it.

You're right.
This guy's a real trip.

He sure is.

Quickly, before Doyle returns.
My barge is through here.

Just a minute. What
are you doing here?

To help you escape. So Doyle
would not k*ll you all.

Well, why the sudden
concern for our safety?

You just wished to help your friend.
You did nothing wrong.

I see no reason you should die.
Thanks.

Now, what's up
with Doyle?

What's so important to him he'd
k*ll innocent travelers...

who try to go up river?

Let us waste
no more time.

We can be back past the bend in the river
before Doyle even knows of your escape.

Terrific.

Then we run into that other
great sleazeball, El Cajon.

El Cajon will not
bother us.

What's your connection
to El Cajon?

How do you know
he won't bother us?

He won't.

Vámonos.

Let's go.

(Little John)
Oh, no.

We no go with you.
Not for us.

What're you talking about?

You'll never make it all the way
back to Monte Alegre on foot.

And you can't
wait here for Doyle.

He see shadow of doom
cloud the future.

You must be some kind
of hard-shelled nut.

[groans]

What if I protected you
like I did last time?

We got caught, señor.

But you didn't die.

You said nobody goes up
against El Cajon...

and gets away.

You did. My magic works.

And I can do it again.

The moment to take.

Okay.

What're you doing?

Don't ask.

[chuckling]

[gulps]

Fantastic.

Okay, we go.

Don't even think it, sucker.

(Murdock) Where is it?
Where is it?

Where is it? Where? Where?

Murdock, here it is. No, no, no!

Here it is.

All right, I'm ready.
You can bring them all on.

Cigar, Colonel?

Thanks, Face.
Sure.

Okay...

where are
the f*ring pins, lady?

I gave them to Doyle. You will not
need them. You will be safe with me.

I will get you back
to Monte Alegre.

We're not going back
to Monte Alegre. Not yet.

We're too close.

We could be within throwing
distance of that lost city.

We're not turning back now.

Brian, you need a doctor.

I need to find that place.

We may never get
another chance like this.

I will not guide you
up river.

Then we'll just have
to borrow your barge...

f*ring pins
or no f*ring pins.

Hey, man, what do we care
about a lost city?

Why do we care? Why do we care?
Because it is just possible...

that it will be
the greatest location...

for the finale
of my monumental epic.

We talking a finale
to your life, sucker.

Not having no f*ring pins when
we're att*cked by river pirates...

Doyle, and the rest of them
Amazonian Indians.

Well, then maybe
we should get out of here.

You understand,
don't you, Hannibal?

This is something
I have to do.

(Hannibal) I've always been one
for a nice relaxing cruise.

And that'd be
a good time, querida...

for you to tell me what Doyle's up
to round that bend in the river.

Look, all I do
is run supplies.

I drop them on shore
and then I leave.

When I return,
they're gone.

Who takes them and what they
are for I do not know.

Then we'll all
find out together.

I hate this movie.

But I do like
the leading lady.

You've got her.

If only I can get her agent
down to $50,000.

[engine whirring]

There are the Devil's Horns!

I knew it!
I knew it was here!

Natives with spears.

How I wish I had a shoreline
of natives with spears.

The texture, the color. I need
that, I need that fast film.

Your color going to be red with blood
if you don't stop acting stupid.

Listen, I am I,
and you are you.

Perchance some day that we should
walk along the same road together...

You be dead!
Gotcha.

All right, this is your party.

Where do we go from here?

We walk.

(Murdock)
It had been six months...

since we had seen...

the 26-toed crater banth
and his son...

that had become
affectionately known...

as Throgmorton the Terrible
to our crew.

[animal shrieking]

(Brian)
Tchapate.

[exclaiming]

(Face) Come back,
Little John, come back!

[groaning]

(Brian)
Tchapate.

Nice to meet you.

(Hannibal)
Friend of yours?

It's the guardian
of the tribe of Del Rio.

Supposedly his powers...

protected Del Rio
and its riches.

That's right.

I know.

Where's the rest of it?

There has to be more, right? If this
guy's watching over the lost city...

then he doesn't
have a very big job.

Legend goes that Tchapate
stands guard over Del Rio.

And only to the one
who can unseat him...

will he tell the secrets
of the lost city.

The key is in
what Brian said.

He said...

the one man
who can unseat Tchapate...

from his rule.

You see, dwellers at that time
in Del Rio were primitives.

They ruled by strength.

They did choose their kings
according to who was strongest.

Okay, B.A.,
give it a sh*t.

[B.A. grunting]

All right, B.A.

It was all worth it.
It really does exist.

You know, kid,
you did all right.

I like the way
that guy's hooked up.

Me, too.

So they found it.
I knew they would.

I knew they would
lead us to it...

if we made their escape
convincing enough.

And me self and husband
of me sister, we go free?

The hell you are.

You got to take us back there.

Back? ls no possible.

You can't remember
where it was?

Our deal was to go with them
when they escape...

to come and tell you.
That was our deal.

No. Our deal is
what I say it is.

And unless your sister wants to lose a
husband and a brother in one afternoon...

you take us back
to the lost city.

[sighs]

Si, Señor Doyle.

I do not think me sister could
stand so much grief all at once.

Of course she couldn't.
Now get ready to move out.

So the lost city's there.

It's really there.

And all its treasures
are mine.

Si, señor.

And all its evils, too.

[Murdock gibbering]

[continues gibbering]

N[Murdock singing]

♪ I told the witch doctor
I was in love with you ♪

♪ I told the witch doctor
you did not love me too ♪

♪ And then the witch doctor
he told me what to do ♪

♪ He said, ooh-eh
ooh-ah-ah, ting-ta ♪

♪ walla-walla, bing-bang ♪

♪ Ooh-eh-ooh-ah-ah,
ting-tang-walla-walla bing-bang AU'

What are you crazy, fool?

Walla-walla-bing-bang.

I could have hurt you before I realized
who was behind this crazy thing.

You're supposed to be
on guard duty.

Now, take over while I go
check out the perimeter.

And keep your mind
on your job...

or I'll walla-walla-bing-bang
you.

[mumbling]

Well, it's not exactly
what I was hoping for.

It's beyond anything
I'd hoped for.

I mean, people have
such misconceptions.

Archeological digs
that produce enough...

intact pieces to count
on one hand are so few.

Here, look what we've got
and so well preserved.

Yeah.

A few well preserved diamonds
and golden statuettes.

It'd be so boring anyway.

Let's hit it.

(Tawnia)
What's up?

I've been checking
this place over.

I found some of the original
perimeter defenses...

we can kick into gear
with a little effort.

Against who?
Doyle.

I expect him here
any minute.

(Hannibal) Why do you
think he let us escape?

Let us?
Sure.

Face, you don't think I'd let you get
in there with that cement mixer...

if I didn't figure
the fight was rigged, do you?

I mean, Doyle figured he
couldn't b*at it out of Brian...

so he decided
to follow him here.

Yes, but who would have...

No, I think Bobbi wanted to take us to
Monte Alegre and get us out of here.

All right, let's hit it!

[grunts]

[mumbling]

[B.A. grunting]

[inaudible]

(Hannibal)
Drop your weapons, Doyle...

or we'll drop you.

Give it up, Smith.

I know your weapons
are useless.

(Doyle)
Come out where I can see you.

Come on out and...

maybe I'll spare the women.

[Hannibal laughing]

You're messing with some
pretty bad magic, Jack!

[g*ns f*ring]

So, how's tricks?

You don't realize
who you're dealing with.

(Hannibal) I realize I'm dealing
with a 200 pound sack of manure...

who's going to have a hard time
crawling out of that hole.

[Murdock laughing]

You're not going to leave us here.
I might spare the women.

But first, you're going to give us back the
f*ring pins to our weapons, and then...

you're going to take us for a little
walk and show us what you've been...

building up around
that bend in the river.

(Hannibal)
A nuclear reactor.

They're building
a nuclear reactor.

You know, from here that
looks like Carlos Roiderman.

The South American
industrialist?

(Brian) Even my dad has
business dealings with him.

What would Roiderman be doing
building a nuclear reactor...

in the middle of
the Amazon jungle?

Did you see that?
Did you see what he did?

Nazis, Hannibal!
They're Nazis!

They are the new Reich.

Strong, able and undefeatable.

What do you intend
to do now, Smith?

Take them all on?
Just the four of you...

two women, and a lame?

[scoffs]

(Murdock) What will become
of The A-Team in its...

desperate attempt to stave off
worldwide disaster?

Will good triumph over evil?

Will Rocky Racoon be reunited
with Little Nell?

These and other questions will be answered
in the next exciting chapter of...

"The Führer The Better."

(Brian) I can't believe
Carlos Roiderman's a n*zi.

You know, my dad
always suspected him...

Roiderman's background
being so obscure.

But who would've guessed he built his
empires with monies he must have...

spirited away when he escaped
Germany at the end of the w*r.

(B.A.)
We got to stop them, Hannibal.

We'd never stand a chance
of defeating them.

(Doyle)
You'll die trying, my dear.

If that's what it takes.

(Face) Well, what's
your plan, Colonel?

We've got to destroy
that reactor.

Ah! How?

Well, now Face, it'd be
nice if we had some help.

But we have surprise, and a
touch of lunacy on our side.

That be true.

How many men
do you need?

I counted about 20 of them.
They're well armed.

With us, six more
would make it interesting.

Wait. I can
get you these men.

You can?

I can't. My father can.

Wait, your father?
Yeah.

Who's your...

(Hannibal, Face and Murdock)
He's not!

Think about it, Coffin.

Now, put that hand
up in the air.

Both of them.

Now, slowly...

put your leg
on the ground.

Señor...

you are the man
with many lives.

Like the cat, no?

I'm the one with the g*n
with many b*ll*ts.

You intrigue me, señor.

How come you passed...

our perimeter guard
and alarms?

Your daughter showed us.
No!

I had to, Papa.
If they hurt you.

No! No!

They captured Doyle.

You are something,
señor. You are!

We must work with them.

We must help them stop what
is happening up river.

I see you got
your boat in the water.

We could use it.
Of course, señor.

But of course.
Anything you say.

Now you can trust me, no?

You don't realty trust this pile
of pig slop, do you, Hannibal?

(Hannibal)
If we've got any chance of...

destroying that n*zi generator
we don't have much choice.

And...

if you talk
that way about him...

you may not live
to date his daughter.

Explain that to me.

Tell me how something
like that...

could have produced
something like this.

The world is
full of wonders.

My men are ready,
Señor Smith.

But what you tell us...

better be true.

I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't.

To think all this time
I was helping these n*zi pigs.

Yeah, it's not nearly the same
as sinking people's boats...

and robbing them for
money and fun, is it?

All right, let's do it!

I'll see you
on the flip side.

Hannibal, you can't
leave us behind.

Not at this point.

Somehow I feel I owe
Señor Roiderman.

You've done enough.

Your leg would
hold us back.

Besides, in case
we don't come back...

somebody's got to tell
the world what happened.

(Bobbi)
Colonel Smith...

do not try
to leave me behind.

I wouldn't think of it,
sweetheart. Climb aboard.

And you come, too,
mi amigo.

You will get
the thriller, no?

[laughing]

Still no word from Doyle?
No, sir.

We will keep working until
the supplies are exhausted.

By then the girl should have
arrived with the rest of the load.

Why she did not have it all the
first time is my question...

and one I hope Doyle
is prepared to answer.

[boat engine humming]

[g*ns f*ring]

Cease fire!

[g*ns f*ring]

Cease fire!

You didn't get
a building permit...

from our
executive offices, pal.

We're going to have to
close you down.

Who in hell are you?

The A-Team!

[groans]

Come on, let's go!

[g*ns f*ring]

Got to get this chopper.

(Hannibal)
Pick you up later, Roiderman.

It was a battle, no?
Yeah.

They mess with
the wrong people, eh?

[laughing]

Your dad and I are
going to get along great.

If we ever get out
of this jungle.

What you mean, muchacho?
We take my...

[clattering]

My boat!

[Bobbi laughing]

[chuckles]

I love it when a plan
comes together.

Okay, we're all set.

B.A. and Face,
you'll be the ushers.

Murdock, you'll be taking
the-- The movies, yes--

This will be my first
wedding ceremony...

as the captain
of the Desayuno Domingo...

that I shall perform...

with great sincerity...

and for a slight fee,
the ceremony.

I'll pay you $100.

Like we agreed.

Señor, for a man...

who has discovered
a lost city...

for a man who worth
a king's ransom...

I would strongly suggest...

that these arrangements
be reconsidered.

Which brings up the
consideration of our fee.

We normally take 10%
of any recovered items.

In this case,
that's 10% of the lost city.

With all its gold,
and jewels...

and archeological treasures.

We'll pass
on the Indian skulls...

bone rattles, you know,
stuff like that.

I think that's fair enough.

And perhaps as a gift
to the captain...

who shall perform...

this glorious
wedding ceremony...

five additional percents?

Three.

Done.

The wedding ceremony
shall proceed!

The funeral is cancelled.

[laughing]

[Speaking Spanish]

Oh, her mother
and I do.

Brian Lefcourt...

[speaking in Spanish]

I do.

Tawnia Baker...

[Speaking Spanish]

I do.

[Speaking Spanish]

[crowd cheering]

(El Cajon)
This good-looking one...

he has a part of
the ten percents, Cardina.

I am thinking maybe...

we could have this man
in the family, no?

I will do my best.

[laughing]

[grunts]

[sighing]

Thanks, Hannibal.

I'll never
forget you guys.

Felicitations, kid.

It was good having you around.
Congratulations.

Thank you.

Tawnia and I'll write you and let you
know how the excavations are going.

How long before we
see any of the money?

Well, you know
how these things are.

Could be five,
six years maybe.

(Brian) Just to find
where it's hidden.

These things
are very complicated.

The ancients
were very devious.

Five, six years?

Hey, maybe seven.
Hey.

Now, we will dance
and make noise.

Sorry man,
but I don't dance.

That was muy bueno.
Bueno, Señor Coffin!

It was a mucho monumental
wedding ceremony.

I just can't wait
till we stop rehearsing...

and start sh**ting this--

[g*n fires]

(B.A.)
Are you crazy, fool?

(Murdock) I'll give you
all my lunch money...

and a free screen pass,
leave me alone!

[screaming]

Cut!
Post Reply