04x12 - Hot Wheels

[bunniefuu]

Hi-dee-ho, Winslows.

Now, I know what
you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Steve, why do you
have that stool glued to your gluteus?"

No, I was thinking "Carl, why not
just sell the house and move away?"

Okay, Steve, I'll bite. Why
are you stuck to a stool?

Correction, my pet.

The stool is stuck to me
thanks to my latest invention.

It's a revolutionary
super glue, Wacky Tacky.

Patent pending.

Uh... You accidentally
glued yourself to a stool?

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Urkel.

Just a minute.
Steve, it's your mom.

What's up, Roberta?

Mm-hm.

Wah-uh.

Uh-huh.

Whoa-oh.

I'll be right there, Roberta.

- Trouble at the Urkel Ranchero.
- What's the matter?

Well, I made my Wacky Tacky in the bathtub,
and now I have to go chisel out my mom.

I'm okay. No problemo.

Crazy world we
live in, isn't it?

Crime, w*r, poverty...

Edward, that's the sports page.

Oh. Heh-heh.

Listen, Dad. I'm becoming
an adult now and there are...

- No, you can't have a car.
- Well, why not?

How did you know
this was about a car?

The problem is you're
going to college next year.

I can't afford to buy you
a car and pay for school.

Oh, well, that's cool, Dad.
I've got the perfect solution.

Really?

I've decided to sacrifice
college and go for the car.

You know, Harriette,
when Edward was born...

I held him in my arms
and I promised myself...

that I would give him
everything he ever needed.

And you have, Carl.
He has all the essentials.

Food, shelter, Nintendo.

But most important of
all, he has lots of love.

But Harriette, the
boy wants a car.

Now, I can really
relate to that.

A car to a teenage boy means
independence, freedom, sex appeal.

I don't know, Carl, you were
pretty sexy on your moped.

Well, that's true.

But, sweetheart, I feel
like I'm letting him down.

I can't buy Edward a new car, I can't
even afford to buy him a decent used one.

What about buying
an old b*at-up car?

- What do you mean, a clunker?
- Yeah.

You and Eddie could
work on it together.

Well, I don't know, it...

Yeah.

Yeah!

It would be a great way for
us to spend time together.

You know, father and son side
by side. Up to our elbows in grease.

Working and sweating
until we stink like hogs.

Ah. Let him walk.

Thanks, honey. Hey.

How did a guy like me ever
end up with a genius like you?

I don't know. I guess I
wasn't paying attention.

Laura, Wacky Tacky
will bond anything.

Plastic, wood,
stone, you name it.

Well, what would happen if
I spread some on your lips?

My mouth would be shut forever.

That's sick.

Laura, my little Gummi Bear.

Why don't you
and I take in a flick?

Pucker up, Steve.

- Oh! Oh-oh.
- Now give me the glue.

Oh!

Listen, Miss Life-Is-Short-And-
You-Ain't-Getting-Any-Younger...

if you think that you're just
going to open this door...

and find the man of your
dreams, well, you're plum crazy.

- Who was that?
- No one.

Hi.

- Would you like to buy some candy...
- Why, yes. Yes, I would.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
The lady has all the snack items she needs.

Now, be gone, scamp.

- Who are you?
- Steve Urkel. I'm her man.

He's not my man.
He's my albatross.

She's very confused, and sugar
will only make it worse. Now...

Won't you come in?

- I'm Laura Winslow.
- Ted Curran.

Laura, you are beautiful.

Is that my heart pounding or
am I still knocking on the door?

Oh, please...

Maybe it's my heart pounding.

Listen, I know we just met, but
would you like to go out sometime?

- No. She's not interested.
- How's tonight? We'll catch a flick.

She doesn't like
flicks, I just asked her.

Sounds great.

Great, great, great.

Listen, now that we're
friends, I can't sell you candy.

- You can't?
- No, but I can give you some.

"No, but I can give you some."

- See you tonight.
- Seven o'clock. Be there.

Hey, hey, hey. Do that
while I'm looking, bub.

Edward. Edward. Big
news. I bought you a car.

- Oh, Dad, I love you!
- Come on. Let's go check it out. Come on.

Close your eyes.

Keep them closed.

Keep them closed.

Okay. Open them.

Son, she is all yours.

Okay, I admit that she's
not much to look at now.

- But we're gonna fix her up.
- You and me, together.

Yes, sir, there's nothing more
reliable than a police cruiser.

We don't need that.

Dad, I don't know
how to restore a car.

Yeah, but that's the
beauty of it. I don't either.

But I bought some
books and manuals.

We'll read them and use that knowledge
to restore this baby to showroom condition.

But, Dad...

- Son, use your imagination.
- Dad...

Picture this: a big,
powerful machine.

Bright metallic paint
glistens in the sun.

A big, bold racing stripe rips
up one side and down the other.

You're almost blinded by
the sparkling alloy rims...

but you can't take your eyes
off of her because she's a beauty.

Like no other car
that you've ever seen.

Wow.

Hmm? Uh... What's that sound
I hear? What's that sound?

What's that sound I hear? Uh!

Sounds like babes.
Lots of hot babes.

Hi, Eddie.

Oh, Eddie. What a nice
car. Can I have a ride?

Oh, no, Eddie. No you won't.

You promised me first.

Ladies, ladies. There's
room for all of you.

You turn the key.

- Ah...
- Hear that sound?

Yeah.

That's the sound of 455
cubic inches of raw V8 power.

Four barrel carbs,
twin chrome exhaust.

Man, this ride is hype. Yeah.

You know, Dad, I'm sold.

Sweetheart, you are gonna
be the hottest car on the road.

Steve, Ted's gonna be here any
minute. Could you sort of hurry?

I certainly hope you recognize
the irony in this situation.

What irony?

Well, here I am gluing together
the shattered pieces of your earring...

so you can go out
with another man.

But who will glue together the
shattered pieces of my broken heart?

Oh, Steve.

Feeling guilty?

Was, but I'm over it.

Let's see. There we go.

Here, just a little more.

Okay.

Oh. Oops. Let me brush that off.

- Steve. Steve, you couldn't.
You wouldn't - Oh. Well...

- We're not...?
- Stuck.

Look, look. Okay, okay.

- Ouch!
- Boy, this stuff is strong.

- Then, Steve, get the solvent.
- Solvent?

Oh, you know, I
haven't invented it yet.

But I do believe it's an
idea whose time has come.

- Steve, Ted will be here any second.
- Now, calm down. Maybe he'll be late.

Then again...

- Oh, God. What are we going to do?
- Quick. Act natural.

- Steve, get off me. What are you...?
- Come in.

Get off of me. Are you crazy?

Hi, Ted.

Hi, Laura. Hello.

Hey, dude.

- You're Steve Urkel, right?
- Yup.

That's what it says
on my underpants.

Won't you sit down?

Oh. All right.

Laura, I thought we
had a date tonight.

- Ted, I have to...
- Reschedule.

- You see, I'm...
- Grounded.

Really? For what?

- Well, I...
- k*lled a man.

Yeah. What?

Laura, what's
really going on here?

Okay, here it is.

Steve invented a super
glue named Wacky Tacky...

and then he glued himself to me.

Look, wait a minute. Wait a
minute. What do I look like, an idiot?

Well...

That does it. I'm out of here.

Ted, wait. I'm
telling the truth.

- Steve, say something.
- I love you, snookums.

Eddie.

Hey. Ha-ha-ha.

Couldn't wait to
get started, huh?

Yep. I don't blame you. Just
the two of us, working together.

Man, I get emotional
just thinking about it.

I'm all choked up too.

Waldo...

- where's Edward?
- He's putting air in a tire.

I blew up the first three but then I
got real dizzy and threw up in a hubcap.

- Hey, Dad. How's it going?
- Hey, great, son.

- Let me help you with that.
- Oh, it's cool, Dad. I got it.

Hey, I see that Waldo kind
of horned in on our action.

Oh, no, Dad. I called him over.

I thought it would be fun
to work on the car with him.

Oh. Uh... I see. Heh.

Well, I kind of thought that
we'd work on it together.

Well, I mean, we could
do that sometime...

- if you really want.
- Oh, well, yeah, you know, sure.

Whenever, whatever.

Waldo, ahem...

- can I speak to Eddie in private?
- Sure.

- What's up, Mom?
- Hold this.

Ow!

What was that for, Momma?

Edward, your father wanted to
get you a car more than anything.

Maybe he couldn't
afford to spend much...

but he was willing
to give you time.

I know, Mom, but Waldo's
my buddy and we're having fun.

Oh, I understand.

You hardly ever get a chance
to spend time with Waldo.

- You're always so busy with your father.
- Oh, Mom.

Eddie, your father didn't
sleep a wink last night.

And neither did I, because
he kept going on and on...

about how much he was looking
forward to working with you on this car.

Oh...

I didn't know that.

Eddie, you're gonna have
a lot of friends in your life.

But you've only got one father.

And, you know, you're very lucky to
have one who wants to spend time with you.

Hey, Dad. - Yes, son?

I never thought I'd say
this, but we're done.

Yup. We did it.

I love her, Dad.
She's incredible.

Yes, sir, this baby is fine.

I know this was expensive, Dad.

Oh. Yes, it was.

But, you know what, Dad?

I wouldn't have missed
any of this for the world.

Well, neither would I, son.

Well, why don't you climb in, take
off, and go impress some ladies?

Ah. The ladies can wait. I
gotta go pick up my best friend.

Hop in, Dad.

- Whoa.
- Hello, Steve.

Hello, momma.

I called you to tell you that I
straightened things out with Ted...

- and we're going to a movie tonight.
- A date?

That's right. And I've
come up with a plan

to make sure you don't
mess things up for me.

A plan? Well, it better be good.

It is. Grab me a soda
and I'll tell you all about it.

Yeah, well, we'll
just see about this.

Yeah. You have to wake up
pretty early in the morning to... Oh.

Hey, my hand seems to be stuck.

Love that Wacky
Tacky. Goodnight, Steve.

Laura, you... Laura,
you... You're good.

Gee. Gee, it's dark in here.

Oh, cheese.