06x10 - Reaper Madness

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
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Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
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06x10 - Reaper Madness

Post by bunniefuu »

Are those
the nominations?

Somebody tell me.

I can't look.

One time
for uncle frank.

Murphy brown, murphy brown,
murphy brown.

Well? Well? Well?

What's it say?

"Chip's deli
proudly announces

"Its new special:

The ruth bader ginsburger."

Aw, man...

I hate this.

Murphy:
what do you think
you're doing?

Well, I have
a piece of paper.

I'm standing
at the fax machine.

If you guys can't
figure out the rest

You're way overpaid.

What's everybody
in so early for?

The humboldt nominations
come out today.

So?

"So"? How can you say that?

It's the most prestigious
award in journalism.

It's been won
by walter cronkite

Eric sevareid, and, well,
let's just say

If the humboldt winners
played a softball game

Against
the miss america winners

Only one person could
play on both teams.

Let me take a sh*t here.

Is it... David brinkley?

Oh, you.

My, my, my.

Quite a crowd
for : on a monday.

This wouldn't have

Anything to do with today
being humboldt day, would it?

Oh, is it really?

Can it be
already?

Please, you're embarrassing
yourselves.

The humboldt nominations
will not-- I repeat, not--

Be coming over that fax machine.

Yes, all your schemes
have been foiled

And your spies have confessed.

We will be following
a strict chain of command.

I, and only i,
will be receiving

The nominations

So that information
may be disseminated

In a civilized...

Oh! I wasn't nominated!

How did you
get that list?

Who gave you this list?

"For outstanding achievement
in reporting...

Frank fontana:
miami under siege!"

Yes!

"Murphy brown:
high noon for g*n control!"

Ooh, baby, how sweet it is!

If this were the m*llitary

Everyone in this room
could be court-martialed.

And nobody could be
openly gay, either...

Mark, jeffrey, susan.

Who are we
up against?

You actually left something
for me to read.

Sam donaldson...

No competition.

Lesley stahl...

No competition.

And peter hunt?

No...

Your piece on somalia
made the cut.

Way to go!

First year on fyi,
and you're in!

Yeah, thanks. Are we out
of half and half?

Ah, everyone's in early.

It must be humboldt day.

I can tell by your faces
who's been nominated.

Murphy, yes. Frank, yes.

Corky, so sorry.

And peter...

Yes... No... Yes...

How should I know?

The man's a sphinx.

He got one.

Well done.

I'm just glad I could be
the first to announce it.

You people need to learn
about the chain of command.

And don't you ever make me
jump like that again.

Frank, did you vote for me?

I voted for you.

Oh... Yeah! Sure!

Liar.

How about you, murphy?

Did you vote for me?

I voted for you.

Why would I vote
for somebody besides me?

Aw, come on,
corky.

The concept of an industry

Congratulating itself
is ridiculous.

Plumbers don't give out
"golden plungers."

Carpenters don't compete
for "the golden screw."

Why should journalists
have awards?

Is that why
we're journalists?

Well... Partly.

Look, I hope you all have
a wonderful time

But, unfortunately,
I've set aside that evening

To unpack my winter woolens.

Now see here, as a member of
the humboldt board of governors

I will not be humiliated
by one of my own.

It is an honor to be nominated and
you're going to that banquet
if I have to track you down

Dress you in a tux,
and strap you

To the hood of my car.

Yes, sir.

Don't give in!

You yourself said all
awards are stupid!

I think we should all
boycott this year.

You want to be my date?

Okay.

Corky...

You came after all.

What a beautiful gesture
of love and support.

Don't sit there.

Peter's sitting there.

Peter can sit over there.

It's not like you two
are on a date.

Yes, we are.

Here you go, corky.

One orange juice
on the rocks with straw.

Hey, miles.

So isn't this fun?

Fyi goes to the prom.

I just loved my prom.

Our theme was "just say no."

Well, originally it was
"say yes to jesus"

But the federal courts
made us change it.

I have a feeling petey didn't
make it to his prom.

Didn't care about that
event, either.

Sour grapes.

Nope. College-aged girlfriend.

Oh, peter, look.

Your tie's all crooked.

I had a college-age
girlfriend once.

I was in college
at the time.

But, you know,
that was good.

I don't think people should date
people who are much younger.

Or blonde.

There.
Now you're perfect.

If you say so.

Murphy, how about a club soda?

I'm thirsty.
Aren't you thirsty?

No. Just nauseated.

Let's get a drink
and wash that away.

So corky and peter
are on a date.

Did you know that?

Everybody knew it.

I didn't.

Could I get
you something?

Club soda
with lime.

Gin and tonic.

I never put
those two together...

Not that it's my place
to decide who dates who.

After all, I'm her boss,
not her chaperon.

Besides,
maybe he really likes her.

Maybe he finds her innocence
refreshing.

Maybe he just wants
to ride her

Like a dolphin at sea world.

God, they're alone
at the table!

I have to go.

Always a delight
chatting with you, miles.

Um, I asked for
a club soda with lime.

I don't think so.

Hey, murph, you are not
going to believe

What I just overheard.

These two guys were talking

About how a certain
network news division

Is making major cutbacks.

It doesn't take a genius
to know what that means. I'm out!

Would you mind

Jumping back over
the grand canyon

And walking me
through this?

It must be our network.

Between letterman
and that "m*rder, she wrote" lady

They can't even afford
to buy white out.

Besides, as they were leaving,
one of them said

"This is
for your information only."

"For your information."

Fyi, get it?

Sure, that's one possibility.

But it could also stand for
"frank, you're insane!"

Look, it makes
perfect sense.

The minute peter joined fyi

I knew one of us
would have to go.

No news magazine could tolerate
that much rugged appeal.

Could we be rational
for a moment?

Who is your source?

Some guy wearing wing tips.

Look, I couldn't
see well.

I was in the men's room.

I'm going to try
to find him.

Orange juice, please,
on the rocks with a straw.

You got it.

You can get that right after
my club soda with lime.

She was here first.

Murphy, I am having
such a wonderful time.

I know you think
peter's arrogant.

But I can see the bright light
that shines within his soul.

And the rippling muscles
of his chest

When he wears a tight shirt.

Could I just look
at a bottle of vodka?

I can't help it.

I'm not like you.

I can't go a decade
without physical contact.

It's been over a year
since my divorce.

Maybe you've had your peak,
but I still have the hunger.

Geez, corky, then eat a roll

But don't throw yourself
at someone

Who's not right for you.

Murphy, why don't you think..?

... Oh, my god.

Of course!

How could I have been
so insensitive?

You have a thing for peter.

What?!

A smart, sexy hunk of a man
like that...

You have your needs too.

What?!!

Sometimes it's hard
to think of you

As a sexual being.

What?!!

The only thing I want
from peter

Is to see him crying
like a baby

When I b*at him
for the humboldt.

Oh, I'm so glad.

But still, I can't help
but think there's a part of you

That still wonders if you're
still attractive to men.

You know...

After you've reached
a certain age and...

Gone through childbirth.

But, you know...

Murphy...

There are some special
exercises you can do.

Some even at your desk.

I want my drink,
and I want it now.

Lady, I'm not mind reader.

What do you want?

Club soda with lime!

I told you six times.

I don't think so.

What are you
talking about?

I found
a second source.

A pair of dress loafers
confirmed the wing tips.

You know how those
network guys treat us?

Like bugs.

They are overgrown,
sadistic children

Playing with a giant
magnifying glass--

Turning up the heat,
watching us squirm.

Well, frank fontana
is not a bug.

I'm a talented,
respected journalist.

It's time
they remembered that.

What's going on with frank?

He heard rumors
about cutbacks at fyi.

Cutbacks?

What cutbacks?

If there were going
to be cutbacks

Somebody should have told me.

There's a chain of command
for cutbacks.

I'll see what
I can find out.

I'll talk to frank.

I'd better
stay here.

Murph, I did it.

I told the network president

If I don't win tonight,
I'm quitting fyi.

You did what?

He thought he was
calling the sh*ts.

Well, tonight I put
my money where my mouth is.

I did a great piece
on miami

And I believe
in my work.

I believe in my work too

But not enough
to throw it all away

Because of a pair of talking shoes.

I don't expect you to understand.

They didn't bring in somebody
to cover the same b*at as you do

They didn't put you in a position
where you feel like you've got to prove

You can still do what you've
been doing for years.

You're not the only one
who has to prove something.

I haven't won the humboldt
in four years.

I'm getting older in a business
that likes its women perky.

Look at me, frank.
Is there anything perky about me?

No.

Exactly. Which means I need to
win the humboldt as much as you do

Only now I can't root
for myself

Because if I win,
you'll quit.

No matter what happens,
I can live with it.

If I don't believe
in frank fontana, who will?

Oh god, what have I done?

Frank, I checked
with the network brass

And there aren't going
to be any cutbacks at fyi.

No one's out. If you'd gone

Through the chain of command,
you could have avoided

This needless worry.

I told the head
of the network

If I didn't win tonight
I'd quit.

You did what?!

Your hands
are so strong.

Now, isn't it nicer
out here?

Quieter. More private.

Corky

Look,
we need to talk.

I think I gave you

The wrong
impression here.

You're great

But I'm all wrong
for you.

You don't know that.

Yes, I do.

I could never go
on a hayride.

I heckled the screen

All through
sleepless in seattle.

I'm a self-centered guy
who's not going to change.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

I know a little place
on the coast of virginia.

If we leave now

We could be there
in less than an hour.

I thought you said
you were all wrong for me.

Oh, what do I know?

I'm a bad judge
of myself

But I think
the right woman...

No, no.

What you said
is probably true.

This wouldn't work.

And I'm sorry
about the kiss.

I guess there's
just some times

A woman needs to know
she still has it

And by the expression
on your face

I guess I still do.

Thanks.

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't go.

I still want to hear

About your sorority
rush week.

Oh, you.

You just make me feel
so good.

Scotch. Rocks.

I'm a good-looking guy,
aren't i?

Look, mister,
I just pour the drinks.

Hey, hey.

Look who's here.

Hey, tucker. Kincaid.

You two w*r rats.

What are you
doing here?

The network invited us.

We never turn down
a free meal

Or a chance to trap
stone phillips

In the bathroom
and mess up that hair.

Say, how's life stateside?

Not too rough on you,
I hope.

Oh, man,
it's brutal.

This cummerbund
is k*lling me.

Where are you
off to next?

Sarajevo.

I was just in sarajevo.

Oh, yeah. We heard.

For a whole six hours--

Just long enough
to file your report

And get out.

Who told you that?

The cameraman you sent in
four days ahead of you.

You used to hate
when the big sh*ts

Came in
at the last second.

I've dodged
my share of scuds.

News magazines run
on a tight schedule.

You got to write them,
edit them...

Ooh, editing.

That must get
the adrenaline going.

(Bell dinging)

They're either
bombing the city

Or the awards are starting.

It's good
to see you, buddy.

Yeah. Hey, hope you win.

Yeah. Thanks.

It's okay, stone.

They're gone.

You can come out now.

Fine. Have it your way.

Ceremony's started.

You might want
to get in there.

Ah, the moment of truth.

Aren't you coming?

No. Remember?
I don't care.

Oh, drop the act.

You care,
because for all your arrogance

This anchor business
is harder than you thought.

When they announce,
"the winner is"

And some other name--
like mine-- is called

You'll have to admit
you're not the best.

I know what's
going on here.

You're jealous of me.

Me? Jealous of you?

Freud might disagree,
but believe me

There is nothing you have
that I want.

How about your old life?

Remember when you could go
at a moment's notice?

Sacrifice everything
for a story?

Well, I still can.

They used to automatically
engrave your name

On the humboldt.

When they announce,
"and the winner is"

And some other name--
like mine-- is called

You'll have to admit
you're slipping.

Oh, what are you
talking about?

Presenter:
and the winner

For individual achievement
in reporting is...

Murphy brown...

Ha!

...and peter hunt!

We have a tie.

Ha, ha!

What's your hurry?

I thought you
didn't care?

I care enough

To b*at you up
to the podium.

Pushing and shoving,
very professional.

They called
my name first.

I'll give it to you

But after I do

You'll have to swallow
windex to keep it clean.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I don't believe this.

I just pushed and shoved
my way up here

So that I could be
the first one

On the podium
to accept this...

Meaningless
hunk of glass.

Well, I can honestly say

I've never been
so disgusted with myself

In my entire life.

Thank you all.

I am back!

I got to work

There wasn't
one phone message

From the network brass

Wondering what happened
last night.

Then I realized there was
no need to call.

They were there
at the time!

Frank! What
are you doing?

Packing up my coffee mug.

I'm leaving, remember?

You are not. Sit down.

I said if I didn't win
the humboldt, I would quit fyi.

Well, I may not have won,
but at least I have my dignity.

Why are you stealing
coffee stirrers?

Tell the brass
you were drunk.

I used to do that.

One year I told bill paley
I was leaving

If he didn't make me
queen of the network.

I said I would quit,
and I'm quitting.

Frank, you can't quit.

Why not?

Because I'm quitting.

What?!
Excuse me?

Every time I'm in the field,
I just get started on something

And I get yanked back here.

Playing roller derby
with murphy last night

Was the most exciting thing
that's happened to me

Since I came to fyi.

How often can I count
on that?

Once, maybe twice a month?

You can't just leave.

You have a contract.

With an out clause.

Hey, this isn't
about contracts.

I'm sorry, miles,
I've made up my mind.

Uh, peter...

You're going to try
to talk me out of this?

Me? Yeah, right.

No, I just wanted
to tell you

I've got some of your stuff
in my office.

Your game boy, walkman

Spare tire...
I'll find them.

So, I suppose you've already
told the network about this.

No, I thought
I'd let you break it to them.

I'm finally the first
to know something--

One of their humboldt winners
is leaving.

It's not like they'll lop off
my head, shove it on a stick

And parade me
around the commissary

Like a giant tootsie pop.

Miles, wait up.

I got to talk
to the execs too.

Oh, uh... Hey, peter.

Look, I know

We've had our problems

But I want you to know
that I respect you.

Just like me, you were willing
to throw all this away

For what you believe in.
Good luck, man.

Thanks, frank.

This is so great.

He's gone. The network knows
I'm willing to walk.

I bet I can
renegotiate big-time.

Keep pushing it, frank,
just keep pushing.

Peter?

I understand why
you have to go

And I just want you to know

That some day, you will
meet somebody else

And you'll forget
all about me.

The deep blue pools
of my eyes

My full red lips.

Now, I'm not saying
it will be easy

But I promise,
you will forget.

Oh, you'll forget
this too.

Here you go.

Uh, if you ask me,
it looks a little low.

Can I close the door?

Yeah, why not?

I'm heading
to sarajevo tomorrow.

I might as well
start living dangerously...

Um, look, this isn't easy
for me to say, but...

Well, no matter
what's happened between us

In the past, i, uh...

I just want you to know

I think
you're a hell of a journalist.

Having you
around probably

Pushed me to work
a little harder.

So, even though
I'm not very good at sharing

I want you to know
I'm proud to be co-winner

Of this year's humboldt
with you.

Okay.

So then, I guess
this is good-bye.

You know,
it just occurred to me

That I probably
affected you too.

Affected me?

Nope, not really.

Few people who meet me
are unaffected.

I've sat next to people
on planes

And within five minutes

They have
strong feelings about me.

Not me. So long.

I'm beginning to see
what's happening here.

I affected you
on such a profound level

You can't even express it.

Not only did I affect you

I affected you more
than you affected me.

You want to talk profound?

You invited me in here
and closed the door.

Hey, you want to go, go.

Not until you accept the fact
you did not affect me.

Then I guess
you're not leaving

And I think
that's what you want.

What I want?
That's what you want.

Like I really want
to keep you here.

Like I really
want to stay.

Peter:
you are so wrong.

Murphy:
then why are
you still here?

Pizza!

Both:
in here!

Peter:
once this pizza's gone,
I'm gone.

Murphy:
that's what you said at lunch.
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