04x03 - Where Is the Monster When You Need Him?

[bunniefuu]

We are
adventurous moviemakers...

who sing, dance
and above all, entertain.

Action!

That the best you can do?

Gee, I thought
it was going very well.

This is a real neat town
you found, Faceyman.

There are about 10 governments
who want him for w*r crimes.

They must all be eliminated.

I don't want to die!
I want to go home!

Please somebody
shut this lunatic up.

Consider this.

Damn you, Murdock.

In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire the A-Team.

I don't know, Johnny.

I think the scales
should be slimy.

Also, I was thinking more of
a purple color than green.

- Purple?
- Uh-huh.

This whole thing makes me
very nervous, you know.

I never produced a movie before.

Especially a movie,
all my friend's money in it.

Maybe I should've stuck
to being an agent.

Now, relax, Jer, we're gonna
have fun with this one.

And, I'm going to play this
one a little different.

Remember how the Aqua-maniac was kind
of this reluctant k*lling machine...

sad but driven?

Well, I'm going to give
Gatorella a whole another fix.

You remember when Godzilla...

he came out of the sea
and he raised his head up...

and then he cocked it and he looked
at all the people running around.

I mean, he was frightened
and puzzled...

but still angry.
I want to try for that.

I mean, why...

is Sam Deacon, the game
warden, sh**ting at me?

And then, kind of mystified, I
just take him out with one claw.

- Sounds good. A whole other fix.
- Mmm-hmm.

I don't know, it's so hard to
know what to say "yes" to.

Maurice, could you fix this tail
so it fits a little better?

- Oh, it looks dynamite.
- Yeah.

Johnny, it's all green. I was thinking
more of an iridescent purple.

Now, Jer, I've been playing
sea monsters for 10 years...

and you got me
every one of those jobs.

- Well, Johnny, I know that--
- Now...

what lives in the sea,
has scales...

and is iridescent purple?

Nothing.

Green is
the operative color, Jer.

For sea creatures and
especially gator mutations.

Trust me on this, Jer.

I guess green's the right color.

Iridescent purple sounds good,
Jer, but you'd hate it on film.

And besides, I can't play this
mystified thing if I feel foolish.

And...

I'd feel foolish
in iridescent purple.

When he comes out...

tell Cooper to let him
get to the car...

before he cuts off
that side of the street.

Colonel says he wants you to wait till
he gets out and over to the car...

before you make your move.
- Right.

He wants him in the car so he
can't get back inside. Over.

Roger.

Sure it's Smith?

I've had this guy at costume rentals
on my payroll for two months.

It's Smith. I'm sure of it.

He's in there trying out
another monster suit.

Well, that's
the general look of it.

Of course, I haven't
got it down yet...

but I think it's
an interesting way to go.

Uh-huh, you're the expert
on that, Johnny.

Well, you know,
I may throw in...

just a touch of sexual envy
when I see him with a girl...

but I'm not sure about that yet.

We'll see how it feels in Mexico.
Hey, we'd better get going.

Face will have everybody
waiting at the airport for us.

You know, I like that friend
of yours. Face.

How did he get that name?

That's long story, Jer, but...

The way he got it is
with that punim of his.

It seems that everybody believes
whatever he says. It's a gift.

I mean he's an absolutely
stupendous liar.

It's my first real
featured acting role.

I did a Love Boat in May but I
was mostly just background.

Except for, I did say,
"Good morning, Mr. Faskin"...

to Donald O'Connor
out by the pool.

Oh, Jenny, Jenny,
say that again.

What? You mean...

the "Good morning, Mr. Faskin" line?
Yes, yes...

just the way you said it before.
Oh.

Good morning, Mr. Faskin.

And then later in the show,
I walk by again and I say...

"Hi again."

"Good morning,
Mr. Faskin." Oh!

I mean, the way you say it,
it's so sunny.

I love the way you sort
of turn it up at the end.

Thank you.

Has anybody seen
the dressing rooms...

or hotel accommodations
down there?

Yes, I have. I made all
the arrangements, Charlie.

You're gonna love it down there.
The people are so friendly.

What's the name of this burg again?
Podunk what?

Podetera De La Ria.

The hotel is magnificent.
And your room, Charles, oh!

It overlooks the Placidia, there's
a little fountain down there...

and there's some beautiful
casitas off by the river.

And the women, Charlie...

made by the hands of the gods.

Absolutely beautiful.

Will they be able to say,
"Hello, Mr. Faskin"...

and turn it up at the end like our
lovely little Jenny over there?

Charles, come on.
I was just being kind.

I mean, she's a little nervous.

I just don't understand why Jer couldn't
have got a more experienced actress.

I mean, I can't act
in a vacuum, sweet cheeks.

- Now look, Charlie, let's--
- Charles.

Never Chuck or Charlie.

Charles, why don't you give her a chance?
She's real excited.

This is my last monster movie.

I swore after
It Came From Nowhere...

I was finished
with the slime genre.

Charles, why don't you
stop complaining?

Jerry is a great guy. This is
his first sh*t at producing.

You know, he got you
your first job acting.

Is this really the cast
and crew airplane? A DC-3?

Charles, why don't you... Just
don't worry about the plane, huh?

Trust me. All right?

You've got enough hot air
to lift off by yourself.

Our pilot, Murdock.
Something about him...

I don't know, I don't know.
What's the word I'm looking for?

- Nuts?
- Yeah. That's it, nuts.

You sure we should
let him do stunt work?

Don't worry.

I'll oversee
everything. Jer...

from here on,
we're going to have a ball.

- What's that?
- I don't know.

Come on, we're going to
be late to the airport.

You went too soon. You went too soon.
Cut him off. Cut him off.

You don't mind if I drive,
do you, Jer?

No, no. Go ahead, John.

What's going on here?

I'm sorry, Jer. Hang on.
I'll explain later.

Murdock, how does she look?

This is what we call, in pilot
land, "a coffin with wings."

And it's a good thing that the big,
angry guy hasn't laid eyes on it...

or you'd be looking for a soft place
to sit. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Hey. Who's that giant with the Mohawk
that's passed out in the cabin?

Oh, him. Don't worry about him.
He's just there for ballast.

What the hell is that?

Well, it doesn't look like...

the Screen Actors' Guild
out to wish you luck.

Well, I guess I better blow the
bird nests out of the carburetor...

in preparation for takeoff.
- Good idea.

I'll get everybody on board.
Charles, shall we? Everybody.

Here we go. Bon voyage.

Come on, you sucker, start!

Flaps set to take off.

Trim set.

Magneto, carburetor keyed.

Welcome to Artesian Films...

and Flight 30
to Podetera De La Ria.

Please fasten your seat belts and
observe the "No Smoking" sign...

while Captain H.M. Murdock
prepares us for takeoff.

Pilot's Prayer.
Oh, God, your sky is so big.

My plane is so crummy.
Please, don't let me eat it.

Faceman, the wheels won't go up.

I never went through anything
like this before in my life.

Faceman,
where'd you get this bird?

Unified Relief.

It was flying discards
in from Temecula.

We're deadheading it
back for them.

Their pilot refused to
fly it 'cause it...

stalled on him three times
or something.

I love it.

Don't you need to keep the
engines running so you can taxi?

Yes. That is my
usual procedure, Faceman.

However, we are out of petrol.

There's Manuel Escobar.

What a guy,
meeting us at the airport.

Yeah, he's the local
chief of police.

Said he was gonna come out and
help us carry our equipment.

Yeah, it's gonna be the real
red carpet treatment.

Do you mind?

Hey, sucker, you better
watch who you're pushing.

Hey, I'm the star of this movie.

You better work on
a more civil tongue, mister.

- This is a plane.
- That barely describes it.

Now, do you mind getting over
in your own seat?

I'm on a plane!
I'm on a plane!

Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.

- B.A. Now, no, now, B.A.--
- I told you, man! I told you--

No, no, no, wait!

You tricked me, man.
You know I don't fly, man.

Why don't you open your mouth, Faceman?
What's wrong with you?

Well, I...

Ah, Manuel, cómo...

estas?

Senor Face, you must turn the plane around.
You must leave immediately.

Is this the guy who was gonna
help us with our luggage?

Manuel, amigo mio.
Por favor!

You are making a less than favorable
impression with my compadres.

Making a terrible
impression, Face.

What's the problem, Templeton?

Oh, it's no problem, Jerry.
Nothing we can't work out.

You must turn
the plane around now...

or I will be forced
to take you all prisoners.

My amigo. Look, only a week
ago I was down here...

you said to me,
"Hombre de cara."

That's "Faceman" in Spanish.

You said,
"Mi casa es su casa."

That's,
"My house is your house."

Whatever happened to "Come over to
my house and be a guest for dinner"?

Whatever happened to
all that "amigo mio" stuff?

Does this guy
have a daughter, Face?

Yes. A very pretty one...

but I never once, never did
I even think about it...

because this is one muchacho that
never mixes business with pleasure.

Well, maybe once or twice,
but not this time. Really.

Pal, maybe you can tell us
why you're doing this.

I mean, we went to a lot of
trouble to get down here.

Things change, senor. I am
sorry, but you must leave now.

- We're out of gas.
- I do not believe you.

There's not enough fuel in there
to start a barbecue, pal.

You must not come into town.
You are not welcome here!

You will have to figure out
how you will get out.

I will go into town and be
back in an hour with fuel.

You will not leave this runway.

Vamonos!

Oh, Jerry.
Jerry, I don't understand.

I mean, I was so careful.
We shook hands.

I mean, we toasted each other, we
sang Frijolito Salzon together.

It's a song about
a little jumping bean.

We hugged one another.
It was all set.

All right,
everybody grab something.

We're not gonna stand around here.
We got a movie to make.

No dressing room, no hotel room.

Now, look, Charles, when you're sh**ting
on distant locales like this...

sometimes, temporarily,
you get snafued.

But, things will work out.
Believe me.

Charles, I only have enough money for
three and a half days down here.

I'll have to pay the crew
by the day.

Crew? You call this a crew?

I've seen more people
on a UCLA film project.

We've got 30 people here.

On It Came Out of Nowhere,
we had 100 guys on the crew.

On Lizard in the Lake,
we had 125...

not counting the lizard people
we picked up in Bolivia.

Charles, remember.

Your name is gonna be
above the title.

I'm trying, sweetness, but I'm
not gonna sleep out here...

and be eaten by those
10 pound mosquitoes.

Everybody is really angry at you
and I don't think it's fair.

I mean, you had it all set up.
They broke their promises.

I know, Jenny.
I just don't understand it.

I lie, I cheat, I steal...

and I just don't get
any respect.

It was a joke.

Just a little a joke.

Oh.

- You know, I'm worried about Charles.
- Ah.

I asked him to run lines with
me for tomorrow's scene...

and he wouldn't do it.
He said he's leaving.

He's going to walk out to that road
we flew over and hitchhike home.

No, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

Break a leg, and all the
other show business hooey.

Oh, Charles,
you're such a trooper.

I know a losing proposition
when I see it.

Nobody can make me
stay here and do this.

Come on, Charles.
Hang in with us.

There goes Charlie,
the StarKist tuna.

- I was getting tired of him, anyway.
- Oh, my God.

Now we don't have a leading man.
What are we going to do?

Hey, why doesn't Face
take his part?

He's better looking
and anyway, you know...

I think he and I
have a sort of simpatico.

No, no, no. We're through.

My distribution agreement says that
Charles Lake has got to be the star...

for me to get
my completion money.

Jer, have you got a copy
of that agreement on you?

- Yeah.
- Could I see it?

- Here.
- Ah, yes.

Excuse me a moment
while I step into my office.

Hold my calls.

Jer, that... That is too
bad because, you know...

I think Face could do it.

'Cause after all, the real
star of the film is Gatorella.

I don't know
what to do now, Johnny.

Tomorrow we roll film.

I'll play the Sam Deacon part.

No, I'll lose my bond.
I won't get my financing.

No, no, no, no, Jer.
It says here...

that Lake, Charles T,
has to perform the part.

Yes. Yes. He just left.

No, no, no, Jerry.
Charles Lake left.

Lake Charles is
standing here looking at you.

What are you talking about?
Nobody's gonna buy that.

Sure they are, Jer.
Don't worry.

As soon as we get back into town, I'll
go into the Screen Actors' Guild.

I'll register as Lake Charles.

There's nothing
they can do about it.

Jer, trust him, he's made a
career out of bending the rules.

Well, looks like we're back
in the film business.

Now someone
just has to say, "Action."

Action.

Hey, you
in the bloody fish suit.

Come on out.
And take that beak off.

You guys...

are not from
the film commission.

Am I right?

You're right about that, mate.

And yesterday
you were asked to leave.

Now I'm telling you.

There's a little town about 40 miles
south of here, called Cesbasco.

You can
sh**t your picture there...

and you're out of here
in an hour.

Anybody who ain't...

gets a 9mm hollow point
in the back of the head.

Hey, man, I don't like
g*ns being pointed at me.

Well, then, you can
get out of town.

Why don't we just
pack up our things and leave?

It's a wise choice. And
we're back here in an hour.

If you're still here...

we'll bury you.

I'm sorry, Face.

- Why?
- Well, to be honest...

when you said
you didn't take a sh*t...

at the sheriff's daughter,
I didn't believe you.

I thought when we got the bum's
rush, it was because you had.

- Hannibal, I would never--
- Forget it. Forget it.

We gotta stop
making this movie...

and find out who those
commandos are in the jeep.

Maybe we should just do
what he says and leave.

Hey, man, I don't like
to be runned off.

Me, neither.

We only have prop weapons here.

I mean, we're a movie company.

None of us knows anything about
taking on guerrillas like that.

But, maybe we could get lucky.

Okay, guys. B.A., take a
look at the prop weapons.

Murdock, get in the special
effects and get out the squibs.

Right-a-rooney.

I'll get out of this suit and
Face and I will go into town...

and find out what's going on.

How can we b*at these guys with
prop weapons and special effects?

Jerry, you never know
how clever or stupid...

the enemy is,
until you test him.

Hey, be careful, okay?

Careful is my name.

Lake Charles is your name.

The town looks empty except for
those Anglos by the cantina.

Something's wrong around here.

At least your friend
Manuel has been released.

I wanna follow him.
Scare me up a car, Face.

"Scare me up a car, Face." What do
I do, hit the Hertz agency here?

Get you a Cordoba convertible?

Somebody must have a truck around here.
Now, think. You must've seen one.

Come on.

Oh, terrific, Face.

Oh, no!

You know him?

Major De Jero.

The most brutal torturer
in Argentina.

There are about 10 governments
who want him for w*r crimes.

Well, what do you think
he's doing down here?

Well, whatever it is,
we're not gonna like it.

Oh, Sam, I keep trying.
But Daddy won't say anything.

He just lies there
in that hospital bed...

and then wakes up in the
middle of the night screaming.

Theresa, you've done
everything you can.

Everything reasonable.

Cut. Face.

It's "Everything within reason,"
not "Everything reasonable."

Hannibal, I can't
work this way. I mean...

And you're not even a director.
Jerry's directing.

Well, wait a minute.
I never directed before.

Hannibal said he'd help me out
the first couple of days.

Oh! Well, I can't work
this way. I just...

I can't work for
six directors. I'm an actor.

An actor interprets lines. I
can't be a sl*ve to the script.

I have to have room
to interpret the lines.

Gee, I thought
it was going very well.

There, you see?

Well, it was going terrible.

Face, you were giving new
dimension to the word "stiff."

Now, take it
from where she says...

"Wakes up
in the middle of the night."

Yeah, okay, it...
it wasn't stiff, Hannibal.

I was just playing
a sort of emotional rigidity.

That's... It was intentional. I'm trying
to make Sam inflexible, that's all.

Well, you're coming off like a
giant redwood. So loosen up. Okay?

Yeah, yeah,
just be looser. Looser.

Hannibal, when you gonna stop all this
yak-yak-yak and get to yours truly?

Tommy Danger,
stuntman to the stars?

- Right after lunch, Tom.
- Double darn it.

- Okay, roll 'em.
- Do I say "Action" now?

Now.

Action!

You guys are getting that machine
g*n entrance down pretty good.

You obviously
don't hear too good.

Oh, I hear fine.
It's just that...

we filmmakers
live by our own code.

There's tradition at stake.

You may have heard of some of our
more arcane sayings such as...

"always leave them laughing,"
and "the show must go on."

We believe in those
expressions, we live by them.

So, we've decided to ignore your
less-than-courteous order to leave.

What are you?
A total fruitcake?

You're 300 miles
out in the brush.

I could k*ll you and nobody
would even ask any questions.

What if I decided
to k*ll you instead?

Well, you certainly got gall.
Well, how are you gonna k*ll me?

Throw a megaphone at me?

Well, obviously I have
something in mind.

I mean, the way I see it,
you have two choices.

Either apologize
to my friends...

and put your cute little 4-wheelers
in reverse and pull out of here...

or try me out, in which case...

we'll have to bury you
with your boots on.

Probably right about
where your foot is.

That's quite a good trick...

considering I'm the one
who's holding the g*n.

Allow me to familiarize you...

with certain m*llitary logistics.

You see,
you have no position here.

You're on low ground.

B.A.

And you're flanked
on both sides. Murdock!

Face.

You see...

you elected to station
your men out in the open...

without any cover.

- I could k*ll you.
- Yeah.

But you'd be dead before I hit
the ground, so put it up.

Murdock, incinerate this bag
of spit on the count of three.

One, two...

Drop 'em.

Now, you wanna see something
that'll break your heart?

Look down the barrel.

- Somebody filled it with lead.
- Yeah. Props.

Okay, Jer, hit the rest
of the plungers.

And then...

there is perhaps the most
arcane expression of them all.

"There is no business
like show business."

Open the gate.
Matey's back.

Hey, that's not our truck.
Hey, wait a minute.

Hey! Come back here. Hey!

Put it down or I hit the gas.

Tell your men
to drop their weapons.

Drop your weapons!
It's an order. Do it now!

- I don't know who you are--
- I know. I know.

But I know who you are.
You're Major Ramon De Jero.

You've terrorized hundreds of
people, tortured them unmercifully.

I can pay you.

I'm sure you can,
but we're not in that market.

Captain, take a look
at this guy's basement.

See if he's been pulling off
anybody's fingernails down there.

All right, come on, Face.
Bring your nail file.

I just came in here to use
the phone, call a taxi.

They threw me in this basement.

They probably didn't realize they was
dealing with a star, sweet cheeks.

See what happens when you don't live
up to your contractual obligations?

The movie gods gets you.

What have you done? Why have you
brought all these men here?

This guy in the white suit...

is a w*r criminal.
You lock him up.

I'll get the federales
down here.

They'll take him away
in a rabies bag.

What's wrong?

Perhaps you
should tell him, jefe.

He has all our wives
and children.

They're being held
in a place out of town...

and if I am locked up,
they will be k*lled.

You see, I'm a man
who enjoys good insurance.

Which is why I have lived
so long and so well.

What makes you think I won't be
able to find them and rescue them?

You won't get
the opportunity, senor.

Well, who's gonna stop me?
Not you.

Oh, no, no, not me, but perhaps you
should look around you, senor.

- Not bad.
- Drop your weapons.

This is a real neat town
you found, Faceyman.

I know.

This is awful. I knew I shouldn't
have gotten into movie-making.

I should have just stuck
to being an agent.

Maybe if we tell him we'll do anything
he wants, promise not to tell on him.

Maybe, then he'll let us go.

I mean, he seems like a reasonable man.
If we beg him, maybe.

- Jenny. She can go to him, convince him.
- Charles!

Don't you think you're working this
heroic leading man thing too much?

What we need is a good plan.

I'm open to suggestions.

Well...

Suggestions are one of
my long suits. Yup.

So, I suggest...

that we convince
this tyrant that we have...

secret weapons
in our possession...

and that we could
atomize him at any moment.

Please, somebody
shut this lunatic up.

I've been trying to shut this
lunatic up for 15 years.

Ain't no way of shutting him up.

But I'd rather listen to him
jibber-jabber, than to you whine.

Well, there's got to be a way.

Then let's go, Murdock,
what's the idea?

Well, most of you know me first
of all, as H.M. Murdock.

But in my movie career, I'm known
far and wide by my stuntman's name.

Look, Murdock, I don't wanna hear
no stuff about no Tommy Danger.

Well, then, you better stuff some of
that gold in your ear, big guy...

because I'm on a roll.

My stuntman persona is...

Tommy Danger.

I'm known best of all for my high
falls, and my helicopter stunts.

But foremost, especially
and most spectacularly...

for my death scenes.

Tommy Danger is known
far and wide...

for his ability
to eat lead, boys and girls.

Yes, sir, you heard me.

He can take a b*llet
better than any man alive.

Now, I suggest...

that Hannibal sh**t me...

and then turn his attention to
Jerry the German out there...

and scare him
into surrendering and...

I also suggest...

that he use...

this ordinary pen...

which I will turn
into a deadly...

3-sh*t repeater.

Observe.

Ringo...

Ringo, please, please don't
let me die with my boots on.

I like it.
Now, all we need is a squib.

Beautiful.

What's this all about, Johnny?

We just came up
with an escape plan.

We must move quickly.
It's become very sloppy.

Tell Marco Cortez to clear out
our accounts in Argentina...

and bring the money here
immediately.

We will fly to Switzerland
and then go on to the island.

I don't want to argue
about it. Do as I say!

This was supposed to be
a quiet place...

to rest, to collect my money
before disappearing.

And I've Hollywood filmmakers...

who disarm my security forces.

They may have called for help.

Who knows what they may have done?
We have little time.

They got lucky.
Anybody can get lucky.

Who counts on luck
to decide anything?

Tomorrow morning, at dawn...

you will take these men to the ranch
where the women are being held.

k*ll them all.

And then go on to the town
and k*ll the men there.

Set a fire.

Nobody must be left
to tell of my existence.

There's no reason
to k*ll 30 people.

It'll bring the police, it'll
cause an international incident.

If they know that I was here...

they will find a way
to trace me to the island.

Somebody will remember the tail
number of the helicopter...

that brought me here,
or will remember that...

I made several calls to Geneva.

Or, your description.

You were seen on the island.

A composite drawing perhaps,
that will be circulated.

Bits, pieces, little facts,
remembered moments...

they must all be eliminated.

And if that...

is not reason enough...

consider this.

Okay, mate, you made your point.

I knew you were here, De Jero.
I could smell you.

That the best you can do?

You will be taken to a field
where a large hole has been dug.

You will be sh*t and buried.

No one, not even the buzzards,
will know you are there.

Not a very graceful
conclusion...

to an exciting life,
do you think?

Put them in the truck.

B.A., I can't pull this off
with my hands tied.

I think
I dislocated my shoulder.

This stuff must be
1000-pound test.

Get ready.

Okay, you guys know what to do.

I need talk to somebody. I got
things to tell. They got weapons.

- Shut up, Murdock.
- Don't you tell me to shut up.

You shut up yourself.
Who are you?

You brought me down here
for your own advantage.

Well, I don't wanna die.
I want to go home.

He's got a g*n
and he's gonna k*ll you!

- Who's got a g*n?
- He does!

Damn you, Murdock!

Drop your w*apon.

No, don't fire.

It's a trick, get the women!

You're coming with me
for protection, pal.

Please! No!

Stop!

Please! Don't!

Stop, stop.

How'd I do, Colonel?
How'd I do?

Oh, it was a great
death scene, Murdock.

One of the best.

Now, this was an E-ticket ride.

You didn't get your coupon. But,
who cares when you're having fun?

I know this guy's
one weakness...

is playing these geek monsters.

He's gonna show. I'm going in.
Captain, you're with me.

Nobody moves off this position
until I give them the word.

We're on Channel 15.

Cooper,
you moved early last time.

You make a move on him this time
without my authorization...

and you're gonna be peeling spuds in the
officers' mess for the next two years.

- Right, sir.
- Move out, Captain.

m*llitary police. I want to
talk to your manager.

Yeah. Sure.

Mr. Deever.

- Deever.
- He's the owner.

What do you want, honey?

These men are m*llitary police.
They want to talk to you.

What is it, sonny?

Oh.

They're in the army. Used
to be in the army myself.

Yeah, in the big one.
World w*r I.

That's nice. Look.

There might be some
fugitives in this theatre.

Huh?

There might be some
fugitives in this theatre.

Oh, fugitives.

The Captain and I want to go
in and check out your house.

You have to be on the run
to want to see this turkey.

Come on, I'll show you the way.

- Can I give you a hand?
- No.

Maybe up the steps, here.

I got a piece of shrapnel.
Some of Jerry's shrapnel.

At the Argonne forest.

Well, let me give you a little help.
Thank you very much.

There we go.

We got at them with our .50's.
Kaboom! Kaboom! Kaboom!

- You got them.
- Yeah.

We let them have it
with the gas.

Look, can we move along?

- I got a job to do.
- Yes, sir, doing my best here.

- How is that?
- That's great.

- That fast?
- Yes, sir, General.

- You bet, here we go.
- Yeah.

Over the top.

- Over there.
- World w*r I?

Over there. You bet.

- Yeah, trenches.
- Yes, sir.

- Over there.
- Oh, yeah.

I'm going to get over there
in a minute, sonny.

This here steel door
is to an observation room.

You can look right down
into the theatre.

That way...

you can spot your man without
disturbing the audience.

Oh, drat.

Here, here, here. Hold this, let me do it.
Give me. Give me.

All right.

You got it?

Nothing to it. Nothing to it, General.
Thank you.

You dummy!
This is the wrong room.

You got the wrong room, Decker.

Excuse me, young man.

Thank you. Hello, honey.

Fellow told me to tell you
that Colonel Decker...

is locked in a concrete room
and not to worry.

Roll it, Jer.

Marvin, roll it.

I don't know, Johnny.

I still think iridescent
purple would have looked good.

Trust me, Jer,
I know sea monsters.

After all,
show business is my life.