04x07 - Satan's Angels

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "CHiPs". Aired: September 15, 1977 - May 1, 1983.*
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Series follows the lives of two motorcycle officers of the California Highway Patrol.
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04x07 - Satan's Angels

Post by bunniefuu »

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[MOTOR STOPS]

I ask you, is this the greatest?

It's the only way to fly.

- I wonder how Betty Getraer's doing.
- What?

She went into the
hospital this morning.

Again?

You know what they say:
Third time's the charm.

[CHUCKLES]

[MOTOR STARTS]

I've never been so
embarrassed in my life.

Why? False labor isn't
exactly a medical phenomenon.

I know, but still...

I think it's funny. Beside, one
more dry run and I win the pool.

You win what?

Remember when Timmy was born?

You went into false
labor three times.

So, about a week ago, the boys and I
got up a pool and I drew number four.

Oh.

Now I'm really embarrassed.

- Does my husband know about this?
- Forget it. He was holding number one.

- Oh.
- Ha, ha.

Bye-bye.

What do you mean, she's gone?

She's supposed to
be there having a baby.

She went home.

Yeah, I see.

Thank you very much.

Boy...

Millie, will you call my home for
me, please? And make it snappy.

Home?

[STATIC CRACKLING OVER RADIO]

[HORN HONKS]

[SIREN WAILING]

L.A. 15, 7 Charles is northbound
on Mission Road at Saticoy...

In pursuit of a dirty-neck
biker heading for the hill.

10-35, and where
is the nearest unit?

DISPATCH [OVER RADIO]: -L.A.
Your signal is weak and unreadable. 10-9.

Great.

L.A., 7 Charles,
how do you read me?

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

L.A., 7 Charles,
how do you read me?

[STATIC CRACKLING OVER RADIO]

Make them stop.
Please, make them stop.

BONNIE: Hold it!

You girls go to my cruiser.
Go on, lock the doors. Get in.

[CAR DOORS CLOSING]

The fun is over.

That's what you think, mama.

Now, I'm giving you
hyenas exactly 30 seconds...

to mount up and get out of here.
If you don't, you're all under arrest.

Time starts now.

She means the
fun starts right now.

[LAUGHING]

PONCH: Hey, Grossman.

What are you, lost?
Freeway's thataway.

- I've got some bad news.
- Yeah? What happened?

It's Bonnie.

She's been kidnapped.

Just for the record,
where we headed?

I told you, you'll find that out
when we get there, won't you?

Kidnapping is a mean rap,
man. I suppose you know that.

Yeah, I know, you told me.

But why? I mean, you're old
enough to know better than to do this.

Yeah, but you're never too
old to have a little fun. Ha-ha-ha.

Grabbing that copper was stupid.

Reno must be nuts.

He always was.

You just forgot.

I say let's split while we can.

What do you say?

Hang on.

When you've searched your assigned
areas, call in, I'll give you another one.

In the meantime,
we're all on the clock, 24

hours a day, until
Officer Clark is found.

Okay, get rolling.

About time you guys got here.

Grossman caught us at
the park. What's the word?

There isn't any. According
to the kids involved...

Bonnie didn't have a chance.
Too many unwashed bodies.

Well, where do we
look? Which direction?

Everything between
here and Agoura is yours.

Get moving.

Where is everybody?

I mean, what happened
to the rest of them?

- And who are you?
- Bonnie Clark.

State traffic officer.
Highway patrol to you, mister.

And I suggest you
release me. Now.

- What is she talking about?
- Hey, man, she thought she could bust us.

We naturally had to pick
her up and bring her with us.

You can't have a little fun anymore
without people getting all uptight.

Where did this happen?

At the park, where we
had the meet set up.

This is all there
is? This is it, huh?

Rest of them peeled off on the way
up here, which is what I'm about to do.

What? What is your big hurry?

Come on, Stan. She's trouble.

A woman I don't wanna
think about. I'm cutting out.

That makes two of us.

Hey. What's with you dudes?

This was supposed to
be like old times again.

What's the point
in getting together?

The point was to ride...

drink a little beer,
feel like kids again.

Just wouldn't go
around kidnapping cops.

- Want me to stop them?
- Ah, forget it.

I mean, they want
to split, let them split.

All right, let's get
these cuffs off.

There go a couple
of intelligent men.

Well, maybe not intelligent, but
certainly smarter than you guys.

Hey, Stan, let me
take care of her.

Well, you can try. I
certainly wouldn't advise it.

-Leave it alone. RENO: Ha-ha-ha.

You know, Stan, the
way I figure it, uh...

this little number
here ought to be worth

about half a mil from
the state of California.

Besides that, she ain't
all that bad looking, is she?

For once in your life, baby,
play it smart. Turn her loose.

You didn't grab her, he did.
The law can't do a thing to you.

You're pressing the flesh.

Don't do this to me, Stan.

I didn't agree to come here to get
kicked in the teeth. Remember that.

What's the matter, Cheri?
Can't you handle the competition?

Knock it off, Reno.

Can you cook?

What's the matter? You
don't like my cooking?

That's not the point, darling.

You shouldn't have to cook.

- We'll let her do all the cooking.
- She could poison us.

What, with bacon and beans?

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Get her in there.

Come on, you
can trust us, honey.

How much is half a
million divided among five?

Can't help you, man. Too
many zeroes! Ha-ha-ha!

Now I know. When you fell out of
your tree, you landed on your head.

Oh, you finally
figured that out, huh?

Only I was hoping, after all these
years, the cr*ck might've healed.

Look, like you said, it wasn't
me that grabbed that cop.

But what's done is done.

Hey, what have you got against
being a little rich anyway, huh?

To think, I waste
a perfectly good job

slinging hash just to
take up with you again.

Go on, get acquainted. That's
what you've got in mind, isn't it?

Acquainted? Acquainted
with who? The cop?

I know you, Stan.
You're practically drooling.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're just
gonna have to live with that, baby.

Because I don't really care.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Uh, just in case you got some kind of
idea about, uh, skipping out of here...

think there's something you
ought to know. The nearest water...

what's outside this room
here, is 10, 12 miles away.

And the hills outside?
It's full of rattlesnakes.

And you can forget
about the road too.

Because I ain't never seen a
car go down that road in my life.

Thanks, I needed that.

And I'll, uh, take back
my jacket now, Kid.

Thanks, I thought
you'd never ask.

You two guys go out
and watch the road.

Go out and watch the road? Why?

Because I told you to.

All right.

Hey, uh, you hungry?

Not a bit, thanks.

Well, I am.

Right, I get the message.

You thirsty as I am?

I could chugalug a river.

- I need gas too.
- All right, come on.

15-84, H10.

I'm coming up on Simi,
Joe, I'm turning west.

Still no sign of your bikers.

My guess is they've gone to
ground or split up. Do you read me?

10-2, H10.

When you get to Simi, if
you still haven't turned them...

take a heading toward
Ventura and check the hills.

- You get that?
- 10-4, Joe. Will do.

GETRAER: Any luck?
- Negative.

Those creeps have had time to put
a lot of ground between them and us.

Not necessarily.

With a c*ptive, we could postulate
that the fugitive speed would be impaired.

On the other hand, owing to
their familiarity of the terrain...

Grossman. Grossman.

That's your new sector.

Gotcha.

Hey, by the way, how's Betty?

She's pregnant. Anything else?

Hang in there.

Stan likes his bacon
crisp. So does Reno.

Well, when they check into San Quentin,
you better tell them to remind the cook.

If I persuade Stan to let you go,
would you still make trouble for him?

You persuade him first
and then we'll talk about it.

All right, I'll take her right into
Agoura after dark. I'll make the call...

and that'll give the cops
all night to raise a ransom.

You figure a whole night's
gonna be enough for half a mill?

Well, sure it is. You ought
to read the papers, dummy.

There's idiots all
over the world like us...

making fortunes doing
just what we're doing.

Hey, did you know, in
Italy, that the kidnappers

have to wait in line
to get to the victims?

[LAUGHS]

[COUGHING]

Look...

And what about Big
Daddy and Mouse, man?

I don't trust them two
turkeys, especially Mouse.

I'll take care of them. You
don't worry about it, huh?

- I'm curious... Cheri, is it?
- Yeah.

What is it about that over-aged,
ingrate turkey that turns you on?

If I knew, I'd try
and find a cure for it.

I hear "out of sight, out
of mind" really works.

Not for me it didn't.

He's dangerous,
lady. I'm not fooling.

Bonnie's the name.

He's especially dangerous
when people laugh at him.

I might have to bite my lip...

but thanks for the information.

Now, don't worry about
watching those hills behind us.

When the cops come, they're gonna
be coming from the front, in force.

Yeah. Heh. If they
can ever find us.

Uh-uh. Now, don't ever
underestimate your enemy.

Learned that in Korea.

You're not gonna have them
bring the ransom here, are you?

Well, of course I
am. Where else?

Look, we got that lady
cop in there as a hostage.

So I figure it's a cinch for us to
fight our way out of here, huh?

Ah. Unh.

Good. All right, now,
with that in mind...

you guys try and
stay awake, huh?

Lot of nervous
vibes out there, man.

Well, what did you tell them?

Just enough.
Don't worry about it.

Hey, could I have
my food, please?

I mean, like now?

Relax or I'll give it
to you in your lap.

You call that being persuasive?

It won't work. I'm
sorry I mentioned it.

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINES REVVING]

- What is that?
- Congratulations, Reno.

The four-way split just
became a two-way split.

All right, all right.

[LAUGHS]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

- Uh, I think we've met, haven't we?
- You should be so lucky.

Yeah, me and my friend,
you see, we don't talk to pigs.

Well, we sometimes
have to. In the line of duty.

Uh, let's not tense up, folks.

[MUSIC STOPS]

What we're here for is to
ask a few questions, all right?

Hey, we're looking for a
couple of unwashed bodies...

that, uh, call each
other the Satan's Angels.

Know anything about it?

[LAUGHING]

Please, don't
everybody speak at once.

How about you, mister?

Or can't you say
anything but "oink"?

Uh-uh. No fair.
sh**ting out of turn.

Hey, I got feelings,
man. Let go.

My partner asked you a question.

- Oink, oink, then. How's that?
- Ha, ha.

That's in character. Keep going.

What do you guys want
with Satan's Angels?

That's a question,
man, not an answer.

Hey, all right, Ponch.

Look, this morning, some Satan's Angels
kidnapped a female highway patrol officer.

Now, if for any reason
this lady is harmed,

might be kind of rough
out there on the road...

for people like yourselves,
you know what I mean?

- You putting me on?
- Satan's Angels did that?

Are you sure you got
the right outfit, pal?

Wait it out in the
old folks' home.

What were they
riding, wheelchairs?

Hey, hey, hey. Who was
their leader, Lawrence Welk?

Satan's Angels, if there's
any of them still alive...

are probably home
sipping on their Geritol.

-And if they're not, they
ought to be. MAN: Ha-ha-ha.

PONCH: Well, we have a few witnesses,
boys, that saw them abduct the officer.

In that case, man, I hope
your lady cop likes older men.

[MEN LAUGHING]

So much for basic
research. Now what?

Keep looking, huh?

Okay, let's go.

MOUSE: Why were you chasing us?
- Why were you running?

Hey, man, you're a cop.
It only comes natural.

- Put your right hand on your head.
- Oh.

You see what you've
done? I busted my knee.

Yeah, well, I'll write a note to
your ballet teacher, all right?

- Right.
- I don't wanna hear about your knee.

I just want to know everything
you know about the Satan's Angels.

Hey, man, like, my buddy and
me are out for a ride, you dig?

- Since when is that against the law?
- Save it, huh?

All I want to talk about
is kidnapping. Shall we?

Hey, slow down, man. I don't
know nothing about no kidnapping.

It's a long walk back
on a broken knee.

Ain't it, though?

How you doing, Mouse, old buddy?

I'll call for transportation.

You can make that an ambulance, my man,
or this cat ain't moving, you understand?

In the first place, there
isn't gonna be any ransom.

It's against the rules.

In the second place,
even if they paid it...

you think those guys
are gonna cut you in?

Stan and I go back long ways.

Yeah, to the Stone Age.

I've seen how
this guy treats you.

He's doing me a favor. When I
go to prison, it'll seem like a picnic.

Well, maybe if you help me get
away, there won't be any prison.

Forget it. You wouldn't
stand a chance.

Maybe I wouldn't, but we might.

STAN: All right,
what's going on here?

-Girl talk. STAN: Mm.

Sit down.

We're in enough trouble now,
stupid, don't make it worse.

You better listen to her.

For once in your life, Stan, listen
to somebody else besides yourself.

Where's she gonna go?

All right.

All right, I won't tie you
up when I go away...

If you promise not
to try and get away.

I'm crazy about it here.
Why would I try to run away?

Okay, you see, I
don't tie her up...

but I don't have to
tell you who I'm gonna

blame if she's not here
when I get back, do I?

See you bright and early.

[SIGHS]

Now that that's over, wanna
play a little Gin Rummy?

Why not?

Don't worry about me.
The cab's here now.

In 10 minutes,
I'm gonna be in the

hospital. In other
words, everything's fine.

You're making me feel
like a first-class fink, honey.

Nonsense. If you could have the baby
for me, that'd be one thing, but you can't.

And right now, Bonnie's situation is a lot
more critical than mine. Don't you agree?

Yeah. Uh, listen, honey,
we'd better keep this short.

I wanna keep the line open
in case the kidnappers call.

- Sure, I understand. Bye, Joe.
- So long, honey.

GETRAER: Where were we?

Mouse and his fellow dirty neck
were headed southwest to Simi Valley.

If we had an airplane, we could backtrack
and see where the starting point was.

What about a helicopter?

Dead giveaway.
They'd be listening for it.

Right. It can't be the CHIP Fix
Wing, in case they're watching.

The hills are crisscrossed
with bike trails. Millions of them.

Well, not in this
particular area, Grossie.

I've got a friend that's got a
light plane, I got the camera.

What do you say, Joe?

It's worth a sh*t.

Our hands are tied until we
find out where they're holed up.

All right, let's do it.
First thing in the morning.

[PHONE RINGS]

Sergeant Getraer,
highway patrol.

I'm gonna make
this short and sweet.

So listen and listen good.

Officer Clark is alive and well.

And if you would like
to keep her like that...

then you will start
rustling up $500,000...

in fives, tens, 20s...

in used bills, unmarked.

And they should be ready
for delivery tomorrow night.

And I'm gonna be in touch
with you again. Thank you.

Okay, that was it.
Did you get the trace?

I know. Thanks for trying.

No luck on the trace.

What's his story?

Anybody got half a million
bucks in their pocket?

Ew, that thing stinks.

Is it housebroken?

Be careful, you'll
hurt his feelings.

Insult my bike, lady,
you're gonna insult me.

It looks as if it's been put
together by a committee.

Um, what is this machine
supposed to be anyway?

Well, it's kind of a
mongrel, you know?

Put together whatever I could steal
with whatever else I could steal, you know?

What's this gadget here?

Don't touch that,
lady! No, no, no!

Ouch!

Now look what you've done!

Fantastic. Let's put it back
together and do it again, okay?

Come here. Give me that rope.

Easy, come on, calm down.
You know I bruise easily. Come on.

I'll hang you, you m*rder*r!

It was an accident,
Reno. She didn't mean it.

Shut up and give me that rope!

Look at my bike.

My beautiful bike.

You k*lled it.

I really appreciate your
call, doctor, I really do.

And tell Betty I'll still try to be
there when the baby arrives.

Right, doc. Thanks again.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Morning, sarge.

Well, what's it look like?
Did you find the place?

Our friend Mouse knew
what he was talking about.

Concerning those crooks, that
cabin's better situated than Fort Knox.

- Did you see anybody outside the cabin?
- Not a soul.

We stayed fairly high so we wouldn't spook
them, not that they appear to be worried.

I'll get this to the
lab as soon as I can.

Tell them to enlarge
the last three exposures.

Hey, sarge, by the way, how's
Betty? Did she have the baby?

Don't ask.

"Wreck it, then we can
put it back together again.

Wreck it, then we can
put it back together again."

Ah.

How'd you sleep?

Did anybody ever
tell you you shore?

Not lately, no.

Take it easy.

Oh, I should've warned you.

Unless you're invited, don't
ever touch their motorcycles.

You can sh**t their mothers, of
course, and they couldn't care less.

Nice people you run with.

Oh.

I'd give a week's wages
for a change of clothing.

Over there, take your pick.

Let's talk about you, shall we?

What about me?

Well...

wouldn't want you to
be disloyal or anything...

but...

If I could get to
that three-wheeler...

Do you hear what I'm saying?

It's no use, Stan will
be back any minute now.

I'm not talking about Stan,
I'm talking about Reno.

Reno? This whole
stupid mess is his fault.

- I could wring that man's neck.
- Hear, hear.

- What?
- Figure of speech.

Means "now you're making sense.”

[GROANS]

What are you two doing?

Oh.

Good morning, sir.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

[CHUCKLING]

I said I was hungry.

Now where's my breakfast?

You want breakfast,
fix it yourself.

The rope, give me the rope.

Oh, come on. I was just
kidding. Can't you take a joke?

Jeez.

[RENO CHUCKLING]

Get it.

[WATER SPLASHING]

Oh. Give me the towel, kid.

[RENO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[ENGINE STARTS]

Oh, no. Aah!

- You going somewhere?
- I thought I was, yeah.

Well, it looks like I got
here just in time, didn't I?

Well, you can't
blame a girl for trying.

Aah.

GETRAER: As you all know, and as
the commissioner's just reaffirmed to me...

the state of California does not
ransom its peace officers, period.

Which means, where Bonnie's
welfare is concerned, it's up to us.

Bear in mind, however, that every
law-enforcement agency in the area...

Is willing to help.

Okay. Chair's open
for any suggestions.

-Any more word from the
kidnappers? GETRAER: Mm-mm.

And that's a question,
not a suggestion.

Well, ahem, reduced
to its fundamentals...

the problem,
well, as I see it...

Is how to manage an
approach from the rear

without alerting any of
the cabin's occupants.

Frankly, I think we'd have an easier
time raising half a million bucks.

You're wrong again, Grossie.

I don't think so. This time I think
I'm inclined to agree with him.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

I am if you're thinking about
those microlight airplanes.

You mean those
mechanized kites you guys fly?

Right here, the spot between
the cabin and the hills?

- Spot of open ground.
- Are you kidding?

That spot can't be more
than 100 yards long.

- We can land that microlight in 30 feet.
- Oh, make it 50.

Well, we get within
range, cut the engines,

come in unannounced
and att*ck from the rear.

I still think we'd have an
easier time raising the ransom.

Well, Joe?

No way. It's the craziest
thing I ever heard of.

Fine. Anybody else have an idea?

Hey, look.

No sign of anybody. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

- You see what I see?
- Yeah, no back door.

Now what?

Yeah, the chair's
open for suggestions.

[SNORING]

[RENO CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

See who it is.

I'll get it.

- Is the lady of the house in?
- Right. Come in.

All right, get out of... Hey!

Stan, you fink.

Wait for me!

Hold it, end of
the line. Hold it.

Okay, Ponch, go on. Get him.

One thing, watch out
for yourself on that!

How'd you get here?

- You gonna be all right here?
- She'll be fine.

Yeah, go.

If you catch him, hang him.

Go get him, partner!

Not one of your
better days, huh, pal?

What he'd done, that ain't fair.

It's impossible, but he did it.

I wonder who had
number five in the pool.

You?

- Of course. Ha-ha-ha.
- I might've known.

Never mind the pool. I
wonder if he had a girl or a boy.

What are you doing out here?

Well, it's simple. They
told me no baby today.

- Oh, pay the man, Joe. Take me home.
- Yeah.

Here, keep the change.

Honestly.

I've never been so
embarrassed in all my life.

Joe?

- What?
- Joe?
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