04x08 - Wheels of Justice

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "CHiPs". Aired: September 15, 1977 - May 1, 1983.*
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Series follows the lives of two motorcycle officers of the California Highway Patrol.
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04x08 - Wheels of Justice

Post by bunniefuu »

- Honey, do you mind if I drive?
- I'm all right, I'm all right.

[TIRES SCREECHING
AND CAR HORN HONKING]

Honey. One more drunk-driving
ticket and you'll lose your license.

Denise, you're a
regular guardian angel.

You get a whiff of that?

Two-zero or I'll
hang up my spurs.

[SIREN WAILING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Arthur, be reasonable please.

Now, don't do this.

Please, don't do this.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

[CAR HORN CONTINUES HONKING]

L.A. 15, Mary 4, multiple
11-83 at Grand and Highland.

Code 11-41, 11-85.

MAN: Thank God. PONCH: Come on.

You all right?

Ugh. My leg, I
think it's busted.

Take it easy. Paramedics
are on their way.

Do something. Do something.

Take it easy. You're gonna be
fine, all right? Just take it easy.

Yeah, okay.

Keep him calm, will you?

- You okay?
- L... I... I guess.

[HONKING STOPS]

[SIGHS]

Thanks. I needed that.

[CHATTERING]

Arthur Holmes, right?

- Small world, huh?
- Small for some people.

I don't know what happened.
Must have been the sirens and lights.

My wife's got a perfect driving
record. You must have confused her.

Turn around and put
your hands on your head.

Hey, Baker, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

Yeah, well, that doesn't
go for the both of us.

I'm arresting you for
driving under the influence.

I wasn't driving.

You have the right
to remain silent.

- You have the right to call your attorney.
- Why won't you believe us?

My husband was... Had too much
to drink. That's why I was driving.

How'd our wrong-way-do
score yesterday?

PONCH: He won the scholarship.
- Yeah, would you believe 0.28?

Argh. That's what
I call self-involved.

With his record, the computer
ought to click him off the road.

Yeah, maybe.

Holmes' wife is sticking by her
story that she was at the wheel.

Oh.

This could be one of those
dead-to-rights fish that got away, Jon.

Well put.

"Theodore Stern,
Esquire, counselor at law"?

Yeah, the one and only.

He's waiting to talk to you
right now, this very minute.

We got a court date tomorrow
with a clown of Stern's.

Yeah, Stan West, leaving
the scene of reckless driving.

Uh-uh. He wants to jawbone
about your report on another guy.

The wrong-way driver.

STERN: Hi, fellas.
How's it going?

Business as usual.

And a tough business it is too. In
my book, motor officers are the elite.

You guys know that.

Listen, Jon, I was going over
this arrest-and-accident report...

on Arthur Holmes
and I was wondering.

- You wanna change anything?
- No.

Hey, come on. I can sense the
frustration you guys must feel...

having to deal with these
crazies every day, but...

There are good
days and bad days.

Jon, you don't wanna
go to court on this one.

I think your frustration
has affected your judgment.

Arthur Holmes was driving.

Art's had a little
bad luck lately.

Another drunk driving
conviction could mean his license.

Believe me, we know that.

Okay, okay, loud and clear. I guess
this is what court is all about, huh?

As a matter of fact...

we'll see you in court
tomorrow, on the Stan West case.

Hey, Frank, give me a
break. One day at a time.

You guys are awfully edgy today.
Innocent till proven guilty, remember?

Oh, right, and the guilty deserve
the best defense possible, right?

You're very retentive.

Yes, and the innocent
don't deserve you

putting the chronic
drunks back on the road.

Yeah, I wish I had time to debate
jurisprudence with you, Jon...

but I got 20 minutes to
make Santa Monica court...

and I don't wanna have to break any
laws to do it. Keep up the good work, guys.

They always smile
when we play hardball.

Hey, Marcy.

Marcy. Marcy.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Hey, Marcy. We need
to trade somewhere.

She says, "How about a trade? Her
Trig for your French and Chem notes?"

- Deal.
- Good, good, good.

- Come on.
- Hold on.

Hand this to me.

Go faster.

- I got it, Marcy.
- Aah!

- All right.
- Okay, give it to me.

- Oh, I'll do it.
- Okay.

Here you go.

WOMAN: Hold on.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SIREN WAILS]

There's never an energy
crisis when you're a teenager.

Yeah, unless you have
a letter on your sweater.

Can I see your
driver's license, please?

Sure.

I have a perfect record.

I mean, there's not even
one ticket on that license.

Congratulations. That's pretty
good for two and a half weeks.

Look, I know what we were
doing was looking dangerous...

but I mean, I'm an experienced
driver, I was in complete control.

Till I saw you.

- I believe you.
- You do?

And that's what
makes it so dangerous.

There's not a new driver on
the road who doesn't think he's...

Excuse me.

She's living a charmed life.

- It'll never happen again.
- Glad to hear it.

[SIGHS]

Is he always such a grouch?

You're lucky you caught
him on a good day.

Thanks for nothing.

CLERK: versus O'Brien, Romero,
Clark, Sanchez, Hovsaphien...

King, Jameson, Cole, Harper,
Lawrence will be held in Courtroom 204.

The aforementioned
cases will be heard here.

I don't get it.

Excuse me. We're supposed to be
here today for the Stan West case.

Oh, yeah. The West case was
granted a last-minute continuance.

Attorney's request. It'll
come up again next week.

Now, that is rich.

Officers, can I help you?

Excuse us, Your Honor.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Stan, Ted.

Hi. Hope you weren't inconvenienced by that
continuance I made on such short notice.

No. To tell you the
truth, I was a little curious.

Well, let's just say it provided a needed
lesson for some Chip friends of mine.

Yours too, I might add.

The pleasure's all mine.

Heh. Well, it was an easy matter,
you know, because of your clean record.

Listen, we go
on trial the 19th...

so I want you to drive like
Mr. Clean till then, okay?

I'm as good a driver as anybody.

All I'm saying is another run-in with the
gendarmes isn't gonna help your case.

That's all I'm saying.

I told you at the start.

I'm not taking
anything off anybody.

Yeah, yeah, I remember, okay?

But just as your attorney, I
wanna give you my best sh*t, okay?

BAKER: Now that
we're in the area...

let's stop by the hospital so I can
verify the injuries for my reports.

PONCH: Yeah, I need to check
in for a little observation myself.

This is gonna take a
while, so I'm gonna...

When you're through,
you know, I'll be... Okay?

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

[BABIES CRYING]

Want one?

Well, they're beautiful, but between
me as a parent and no parents at all...

think they're better
off just where they are.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So, what's happening?

Jon's here following up
on some injury reports.

I'm here to say hi, and when
are we gonna get together?

I don't know. With this new
maternity ward they're building...

our facilities are so disrupted, I
honestly haven't had time to think.

How about this weekend?

Okay. Call me.

And you know what?

I'll bet you'd be a good one.

[CRYING]

All Getraer's note says is "Deputy
DA J.R. Dugan requests you to drop in."

I don't remember
crossing paths with Dugan.

Must be new in the office,
wants to get acquainted.

Yeah.

JANICE: Hi. Janice Dugan.
- Hi. Jon Baker.

Frank Poncherello.

Hi. I'm sorry everything
is such a mess in

here, but my superior
got kicked upstairs...

and now I've gotta get
tuned in to all his cases.

And we think we have
an ocean of paperwork.

Well, you guys just
make the first wave.

And lucky me, I've inherited seven
cases prosecuting clients of Ted Stern.

Now I know why you called us.

Arthur Holmes and Stan West?

Well, something is funny
with the Holmes case.

Stern is taking it
to trial in a hurry.

- Now, what's he know that I don't know?
- Have you seen the record?

If we ace him this time,
he gets to ride the bus.

That's right.

So he and his wife
pulled a switch routine.

Now, did you actually see
the switch, or surmise it?

Look, by the time we
had checked for injuries,

Arthur Holmes' wife
was behind the wheel.

But he was driving. I observed
him seconds before the crash.

Oh, brother.

Stern is gonna have fun with us.

Now, the question is, do we
reduce, or, um, go for nothing?

I say we take what we can get.

Wait a minute. Stern's trying to
put him back out on the streets.

There's no justice in that.

And I'm not serving the
public unless I try to prevent it.

A trial will not be pleasant.

Who asked for pleasant?

Ahem. Uh...

Why don't we talk
about Stan West?

Reckless driving and
trying to leave the scene.

It's a first violation, right?

I can hear Stern now.

"'Clean record, frightened,
fled the scene in panic."

Unless we give him some heat,
we might as well tell him it's okay.

Look, arrest report is better
than an accident report.

I hear you.

Thanks a lot.

There's been an accident. A
construction crew has broken a gas main.

There'll be an evacuation
van at the east exit.

Okay.

[BABIES CRYING]

MAN: Crimson Memorial.
No siren, but make it snappy.

Burbank is ready for you.

- Just call us the stork express.
- Heh.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Hey, buddy, come on. Move it.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Come on. You're
blocking traffic.

Hey. Come... [CAR HORN HONKS]

Next time, buddy!

Yeah, yeah. Same to you, fella.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING
AND CAR HORN HONKING]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING
AND CAR HORN HONKING]

Uh...

Get some help. I'll
see to the babies.

[BABIES CRYING]

- Anybody hurt?
- No.

- Here, hold this one.
- Yes, ma'am.

[CRYING]

Oh, my gosh. Uh...

15 Mary 5, 11-83.

Eastbound, Jefferson
at Normandie.

11-41, 11-42, 11-84, 11-85.

Now, now, now.

Where did they come from?

This is an emergency transfer.
We had an accident at the hospital.

There you go, Bonnie.
Latch on to one.

They're so tiny. Whose are they?

No one. These are
orphans and foundlings.

Can you get us transportation?

- We need to get them out of here.
- There's my cruiser.

And Turner's right behind me.

We're five minutes from Central. Why don't
you have a hospital unit meet us there?

- Good, I'll call in and tell Getraer.
- No, hold it, wait a minute.

Let's surprise him.

[BABIES CRYING]

BARICZA: Nice baby.

HARLAN: Excuse me.

Look, I've got a
budding soprano here.

I think my alto will take
your soprano any day.

No way.

HARLAN: Where can I put these?

How come she's got
two and I've only got one?

NURSE: Well, here.

I'll go check on our
transportation. Got him?

Where can I put these?

There, there.

- Aren't they cute?
- Mm.

Sarge, a gas line
broke at the hospital.

Jon, this situation
is strange enough.

I don't think I wanna
hear an explanation.

Harlan, will you put
these things down?

- Where?
- Right here.

No, no, no, that's my favorite.

Easy.

Easy. Okay.

Well, hello there.
What's your name, huh?

Harlan, he can't talk.

He can try.

We had to get them
off the freeway, sarge.

Nice baby.

Come on, sarge, you know more
about babies than the rest of us.

Well, uh, there's no one
foolproof way to soothe a baby.

Now, take Jed here.

He's attempting the
swinging approach.

Baricza, the more
traditional rocking method.

And Bonnie is
having little success...

with the ever popular
bouncy-bouncy technique motion.

And Jon's funny-face
method will work sometimes.

Ponch's TLC.

But when all else fails.

Huh.

Yeah.

I try a little swaying motion.

Hey, hey, hey, there
we go. You see?

Skate and sway, skate and sway.

Skate and sway. Yeah, okay.

Oh.

Hey, I invented that technique.

Skate and sway, skate and sway.

It's working. Heh.

Skate and sway. There we go.

Skate and sway. It's
the Getraer method.

Okay.

Mm-hm.

Okay. And thanks.

Transportation will be
here in about 10 minutes.

Listen, we'd like to talk
you a little bit about...

About the accident.

Oh, okay.

I think the car that
hit us was cut off.

The guy that caused it all got
away, and he was a real maniac.

What kind of car?

T-Bird. Shiny,
sort of silvery color.

- Did you get a license number?
- It was one of those personalized plates.

It started with B-A...

It had two A's,
but not together.

B-A-something-A.

- Like B-A-L-A?
- Yeah, something like that.

- "Balance"?
- Could have been.

Yeah, the silver color fits.

Oh, it's him, man.
You know it's him.

Reckless and leaving
the scene. Stan West.

Did the silver car hit your
van, or was it some other car?

Oh, I don't know, it
all happened so fast.

Okay, all we need is a dent or
a smudge of transferred paint.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

MAN: Who is it?
- Highway Patrol.

Mr. West? I'm
Officer Poncherello.

Yes, I remember you.
Is anything wrong?

There was a bad accident at
Pershing and Grand a little while ago.

- Oh. Was anybody hurt?
- We have witnesses that state...

they saw your car there
and leave the scene.

Well, I just came
in from Glendale.

I'm sure there's nothing
wrong with my car.

It's clean.

Non-contact hit-and-run
with serious injury is a felony.

Look, whatever it was,
my car was hot involved.

But I'll be glad to
cooperate in any way.

Well, that's reassuring,
Mr. West. Thank you.

What's that supposed to mean?

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Come in.

-Hey, Jon.

Well, I asked to
have you call me.

Oh, yeah, I was passing by and I noticed
the light on in your window, so... Heh.

- So, what's up?
- Uh...

I wish you hadn't gone pressing
Stan West on that random accident.

Ted Stern was in here
threatening a complaint.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

We had a partial description
that pointed directly at West.

We called on him.
We did not press.

Can you prove
that West caused it?

No, not yet.

Then lay off him, Jon.

Leaning on him at this
point, for whatever reason...

Is only gonna help
Stern's posture in court.

On a case that we already have.

Fine.

Jon.

Hey, look, Janice, nothing personal,
but I'm just out there doing my job...

and I don't feel like
apologizing for that.

Jon...

- Do you wanna go out tonight or don't you?
- Yes.

All right.

Maybe we need a
new department policy.

If I make an enforcement
stop, perhaps I should say:

"May I have the name of your
attorney so I can ask for your license?"

A bottle of Rubesco
Riserva, please.

Look, I'm sorry I called
it a random accident.

But even if Stan West is
guilty, it's still a separate issue.

Oh, yeah, separate for you maybe,
and separate in the courts, but for us, no.

That's fine, thank you.

But to us, it's the same guy
doing it over and over again.

And you people keep
putting him out on the streets.

Whoa, wait. Don't
take it out on me.

I'm on your side.

No, no, I'm talking
about Ted Stern.

Thank you.

Look, Jon, there's a fine line
between prosecution and persecution.

We all stand on that line.

You, me, Ted Stern,
the judges, the jury.

If I give Ted Stern the advantage
of a technicality, he's gonna take it.

It's his job...

to defend to the best of his ability,
whether or not I do my job well.

Artichoke salad with eggplant
parmesan and toasted ravioli, please.

Innocent until proven guilty.

Our system may have its
faults, but it is the best one going.

Listen, I agree with you, as long
as it remains a system of laws.

But when Ted Stern and
technicalities take over,

I mean, that's the day
I turn in my uniform.

This is really good.

You know, I am so
naive about wines.

How did you learn to order?

Well, it's no big secret.
Every expert has their system.

Mine is when I want an Italian
wine, I go to an Italian restaurant.

[LAUGHS]

That's great.

- Here's to you.
- Cheers.

Hey, what's the deal
with this guy Stan West?

We arrested him. What, last month?
And we're gonna go to court on it soon.

I mean what happened yesterday?

Well, we followed a
lead that took us to him...

but might have hurt the
cases pending. Right?

Yeah, something like that.

The guy's wound too tight.

He does a Jekyll and Hyde act
when he gets behind the wheel.

Dr. Poncherello's theory?

Well, it fits.

It's some kind of a compensation,
getting even with the world.

- Did you say this guy drives a T-Bird?
- See? She thinks I'm right.

I didn't say that.

Yeah, silver color, '78. Personalized
plates. “Balance." Accountant.

Yeah. Who thinks
he's Mario Andretti.

I think I stopped that dude.

Thin build, thick glasses?

Yeah, but his name wasn't West.

Wait a minute. Who
was telling me...?

Turner. Turner was telling me a guy
he stopped in the 7th b*at was like that.

- Williams.
- What?

PONCH & BAKER: Hi, sarge.
- How you doing?

Uh, that's interesting.

The rest of it
fits like a glove.

I could look it up, but I'm pretty
sure my stop's name is Williams.

That's funny. DMV said
Stan West had a clean record.

Yeah, real funny. Why
don't you call Sacramento...

and ask them to chew
on Mr. West's identity?

- Bogus paper?
- Wouldn't be the first time.

BAKER: After I arrested
Mr. Holmes, I read him his rights...

and then he was transported to the
Van Nuys station for a breathalyzer test.

And the results?

Well, he was tested
twice, as required by law.

A 0.27, 0.28.

Now, for the
record, is that high?

Point-10 is drunk.
Legally drunk.

No further questions.

Officer Baker, would you say it's
harder to make an identification...

of someone in a moving vehicle
or a vehicle that's standing still?

Harder in a moving vehicle.

And harder still when
you yourself are moving.

Depends on the circumstances.

Yet, you maintain that Arthur Holmes
was driving the vehicle in question.

I do.

Would you tell us again who you saw behind
the wheel when the car was standing still?

- Denise Holmes.
- How do you explain that?

While we were checking for
injuries, they switched places.

Oh, they switched places.
You saw them switching places?

I know what I saw
before we began pursuit.

I hope you know what you didn't see as
well. Did you see them switching places?

[SIGHS]

No.

No further questions,
Your Honor.

Defense calls Denise Holmes.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

Now, Denise, I know
this is very hard for you.

One more time, could you tell the
court who was behind the wheel?

I was.

It was me driving.

My husband had had
too much to drink, and...

It was me.

It was my fault.

Now, if the court pleases, in light
of the, uh, overwhelming testimony...

we can conclude that Officer
Baker made a mistake...

and I ask for dismissal of the
charges against Arthur Holmes.

Counselor?

Your Honor, the state is willing to drop
charges of driving under the influence...

If the defendant will plead
guilty to public intoxication.

- Mr. Stern?
- Your Honor, client so pleads.

Arthur Holmes, please rise.

Court finds you guilty
of public intoxication.

Fine, $62 and 50 cents.

Well, another case that didn't
make it through the fan blades.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Uh, Frank, Jon.

It seems DMV is finding your
Stan West a slippery individual.

- He's hot?
- Oh. More like radioactive.

CII has a hunch he has a very
creative way of settling his traffic cites.

His last name was clean.
I made the call myself.

Stan West is an alias, the latest
of... Well, the total count's not in yet.

I wonder if Ted Stern knows he'll
be defending a master criminal.

If he doesn't, I know
a good time to tell him.

Go get him.

Jon. Hi, Ponch.

Glad I caught you.

I guess I just wanted to say
sorry we lost Arthur Holmes.

I tried my best, but...

Well, I guess Ted Stern bent that
fine line you were talking about, right?

Could be his
client was innocent.

Hey, look, I'm always ready to
admit I'm wrong when I'm wrong.

- Well, then, where are you coming from?
- Where am I coming from?

The pavement, the freeways, the
madhouse out there, trying to save lives.

But when we go to court,
somebody says we're incompetent...

or that we're untruthful, or both,
and this time, the court believed them.

Jon, it isn't personal.

In court, no. It's all
bloodless, abstract.

That's why you don't know
where I'm coming from.

Wow.

I love you. Heh.

Now can we talk about
the Stan West case?

Oh, can't we have a truce?

We may have a surprise for you.

Really?

Well, let's have it.

It wouldn't be a surprise
if we told you, would it?

Oh, come on.

-You guys, come
on. BAKER: Heh, heh.

[PONCH CHUCKLES]

Officer Baker...

could you please tell
the court the findings

of the DMV investigation
of Stan West?

Stan West exists only on paper.

Only on paper?

Stan West is one of 22
aliases the defendant uses...

In order to avoid prosecution on
at least as many code violations.

- Not in evidence.
- Offered in evidence, Your Honor.

"'Stan West, Stanley Wesley,
Wesley Jones, Carl Williams."

We get the picture.

Also offered are depositions
from a CII graphical analyst...

and fingerprint experts...

showing that all 22 temporary
license applications...

were filled out by
the same person.

That man.

The State moves for
an order to hold, um...

Eugene Stanley Eagleton,
to the best of our knowledge.

So ordered.

The witness may step down now.

That's it. Yeah,
go. Go. Touchdown.

What'd I tell you? What'd I
tell you? What'd I tell you?

If the defense caves in, the best breaks
in the world don't mean diddly. Ha-ha-ha.

I knew it.

What do you say? Time to go?

Oh, yeah, right.

Hey, everybody, we have to go.

- See you soon.
- Whoa.

- Uh, heh.
- Whoa.

Art, let me get you a cup
of coffee. Just a minute.

No, thanks. Keeps me awake.

It's okay, I'm gonna drive.

Sure, honey. Ain't she a doll?

Terrific girl.

Thanks a lot.

Bye-bye.

What'd you embarrass
me like that for in there?

Do we have to go through
this over and over again?

Take it or leave
it. Get in or walk.

Okay, but tomorrow, we're
gonna go get some help.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

[SIREN WAILING]

Oh, no. We're almost home too.

Art, please.

This never happens to
me when I'm alone, Denise.

Can't we just stop and face it?

You'd be proud of me
then, would you? Huh?

Hold back. He's gonna
do something crazy.

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Victory, victory, rah, rah, rah

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

15, Mary 3, 11-83 at Lincoln
and Bayview. Roll 11-41.

DISPATCHER: Mary 3, 10-97, 11-83,
Lincoln and Bayview, rolling 11-41.

BAKER: One, two, three.

[GRUNTS]

It's no good, man.

Leave me alone, would
you? Leave me alone.

Hey.

[WHIMPERING]

Baby, can you hear me?

Baby. Baby.

Can you hear me?

Denise, can you hear me?

Baby. Baby.

Baby.

NURSE: Mission accomplished.

They'll be so glad to
get to their new home.

Now, they'll fuss and
cry for a while, but...

Yeah. There we
go. See? Ha-ha-ha.

Skate and sway, skate and sway.

It's the Getraer method.

There we go. Yeah.
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