♪♪ Because he never,
never does what he should ♪♪
♪♪ Just because he doesn't do
what everybody else does ♪♪
♪♪ That's no reason why ♪♪
♪♪ I can't give him all my love ♪♪
♪♪ He's always good to me ♪♪
♪♪ Good to him I'll try to be ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause he's not a rebel,
no, no, no ♪♪
♪♪ He's not a rebel,
no, no, no, to me ♪♪
♪♪ Oh ♪♪
♪♪ No, no, no ♪♪
♪♪He's not a rebel,
no, no, no♪♪
♪♪ No, no, no ♪♪
♪♪He's not a rebel,
no, no, no♪♪
♪♪ No, no, no... ♪♪
It's right the, murphy.
How can you
not see something
That's right
in front of you?
Miles, your tie's
In your coffee.
Oh, great. Just great.
This one was my favorite.
How can you tell?
They all look the same
Except this one
has a really big stain
How about : ?
Better make that : .
That will give me time
to run over to brooks brothers
And get a new tie.
Haven't you heard?
They're all out.
The silk worms got so sick
Of churning out
those striped numbers
That they spun little nooses
And hung themselves.
I should take you shopping.
You, murph?
This somehow
amuses you, frank?
The best way
to help miles' look
Is to go with
another guy, like me.
What's wrong
with my look?
Oh, nothing,
if you're tearing tickets
Down at the cineplex.
There's nothing wrong
with sticking with a style.
And sticking with it...
And sticking with it...
You're more conservative
than I am.
You can't
be serious.
Look at
this rose pinstripe.
My socks have flecks of gold.
W, compared to you,
I'm a chorus boy
At the tropicana.
Open your eyes, man.
Don't you worry, miles.
I'll take you
shopping saturday.
I have a few things to pick up--
a purse, a belt
A blouse to go
with ny new red suit.
There's a couple of shoe sales
I want to check out.
This is going
to be so much fun.
Miles:
why does everybody want
to take me shopping?
There is nothing wrong
with brooks brothers.
I even have
my own salesman.
Bert.
Every time he sees me,
it's "hello, mr. Silverberg.
"What can I do for you,
mr. Silverberg?
Are you working out,
mr. Silverberg?"
Oh, yeah, you're hunky.
You need some help.
Since my interview
with oliver north
Was rescheduled
to "not in this lifetime"
I'll take you shopping.
Shop with a woman
who dresses like this?
Do you keep your socks
in thisdrawer?
I'll take you
shopping.
You'll both look
like italian peasants
With shirts buttoned
Up to here.
Gq, babe.
"Hot for spring."
What year, frank? ?
I'm going shopping
by myself.
It's your life.
If you had to choose
me or frank
Who would you pick?
Let go of the door.
You're holding up these people.
Answer the question.
I'd choose frank.
(Making buzzer sound)
Wrong answer, blazer boy.
Hi there, and welcome
to caravaggio.
Yes. He's looking
for a suit]
But you obviously
don't have any.
Let's go.
I have plenty, and I'd be
happy to show them.
My name is tadeus.
I am a big fan.
I'm in love
with that jacket.
Who is this?
Miles silverberg.
Right this way, miles.
Mr. Silverberg.
Miles, you are
about a short?
Regular. Regular.
Bert would have
known that.
Forget bert. Bert's dead.
A wall of wingtips
fell on him.
These suits
are from milano.
They are the spring line
from roberto bragini.
The suits, they come
in wheat grass and mustard
But for your coloring
I recommend eggplant.
I--i--
I don't think so.
Eggplant upsets
my stomach.
Don't you have anything
that looks more like this?
I mean,
what's wrong with this?
That blazer's
cutting you in half
Making you look shorter
than you are.
And those vents--
You might as well
have sign on the back
That says "wide load."
But with this bragini
It would smooth lumps
While lengthening
and enhancing the torso.
What are you saying?
I'm a lumpy troll
with a big butt?
The dressing room
is over here.
I will find you
a different shirt.
Okay, okay.
Maybe it's not
what I would have chosen
But we're here
to experiment.
Go on. Try it on.
I can't believe
I let you rope me
into this.
Here I am--
A successful man
in my thirties.
Suddenly, I'm back shopping
with my nana silverberg.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
That was fun.
She'd take me to saks
And have them bring out
jacket after jacket
Until she found
the perfect one.
And then, when they?
????????? Weren't looking
She'd write down
the style number
Fake heart palpitations
And we'd wind up
on the lower east side
Buying the suit wholesale
out of the trunk of a!car.
Hey, miles?
Right here.
Try this on.
Murphy,
what are you doing?!
Relax. You've got boxers on.
It's not like I can see...
Whoops!
I said I was sorry.
I don't want
to talk about it.
You know,
it wasn't my fault.
You were the one
bouncing around.
I don't want
to talk about it.
Besides, there's really
not that much
To be embarrassed about.
The truth is,
I didn't see that much.
I don't want to...
What is that
supposed to mean?
All I meant was
I didn't see that much
of your...
Shut up!
Well, look who's back.
If it isn't
mr. D mrs. Blackwell.
Where are the bags?
Yeah, didn't you see
Anything interesting?
We saw nothing!
Nothing at all.
What is with you people?
We have work to do.
If this were a beehive
We'd all be sitting around
on our stingers
And nobody would have
any honey.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz, buzz]
Murphy:
I'm just going
to get my notes.
Murphy, could I borrow
Last sunday's
washington post?
There's an article
On value-added taxes that i...
Okay, what's going on
with miles?
What makes you think
something's going on?
He was fine this morning.
Then you
took him shopping
Now he's buzzing
Like a giant bee.
Did something happen
on the way to the store?
On the way? No.
Okay, something happened
at the store.
They didn't decline
His credit card?
That's the most
embarrassing thing.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
Oh, look, I forgot
to feed macneil.
You know, I think
he's still mad at me
For flushing lehrer
down the toilet.
You're changing the subject.
That means it is something.
I can't.
Why not?
Uh, well, let's just say
It's not something miles
wants out in the open.
She saw me, frank.
She saw me.
She saw me.
Oh! Oh..!
It's not funny.
No, no, no.
Of course not.
So, she saw you.
So what?
"So what?"
Come on, miles.
It's nothing to get
worked up about.
Has she ever seen yours?
Oh, god, no!
Look, you know, really,
I only say that
Because it's murphy
Not because...
I have anything
To be concerned about.
So, so, what are you saying,
that I do?
Because I don't.
I know that.
I mean, I don't know that,
but, you know...
Listen, I'm!sure
you haven't had
Any complaints,
right, man?
Complaints?
I don't think so.
Quite the opposite,
my friend.
Well, there you are.
Nothing to be
embarrassed about.
In fact, could be something
to be proud of, huh?
They've been in there
for a while.
You don't..?
Oh, no.
Definitely not.
Women don't talk
about stuff like that.
Oh, my god!
Shh! Will you keep
your voice down?
Oh, my god.
Then what happened?
I'm not exactly sure.
He let out some kind
of little yelp
And then he bounced
into the wall
And then he tripped
on his pants leg
And fell on the floor.
Poor miles.
So, what did it look like?
Corky!
I'm sorry, but I haven't
seen as many as you.
What am i, a urologist?
Anyway, we shouldn't even
be having this conversation.
You know how insecure
Men are when it comes
to that part of their anatomy.
Wouldn't you be?
It's like going through life
Wearing a slinky.
I will tell you
something else about women.
Freud was right
on the money
About that envy thing.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Because for a brief moment
I saw a look in her eye
That couldn't be explained
any other way.
Hey, we've all been there.
And that's why
value-added taxes don't work.
Hi, miles.
So, there you are. Ah!
Let's get this meeting started.
Great.
Nope. Not great.
Just what we do.
We have meetings.
And here's jim.
Sorry I'm late, miles.
Hope I didn't
leave you dangling.
(Laughing)
You told her!
How could you tell her?!
Really, murph!
You told frank?
Well, yeah. A guy can tell
another guy.
Tell a guy what?
I can't tell you.
It's embarrassing
to miles.
You said it shouldn't
be embarrassing!
What was I supposed..?
Somebody please tell me
what's happened.
Murphy saw miles's wiener.
Oh, god!
She what?
Corky!
Well, you told me
And miles told frank.
Somebody
had to tell jim.
No, they didn't,
and after six years
Of working together,
you should know
That's precisely
the sort of thing
I want kept from me!
We were in the middle
Of a meeting
And I would like to finish it.
You! Sit!
You! Talk!
We'll start with you, murphy.
Saw your edit on that...
Nato story.
Very informative.
But I want you
to go back into editing.
What? Why?
After looking at it
I'm convinced
your piece is too long.
Corky.
Right here.
I want you to follow up
With that executive
from capitol records
On a possible
beatles reunion concert
Because he might have
A hot tip.
Lead...
He might have a hot lead.
Jim.
Uh-huh?
I read your commentary.
Excellent... Job.
Now, frank...
(All laughing)
What did I say?
Nothing.
I'm sorry, miles.
We'll be good.
No, no, no, no.
All right,
you're right to laugh.
If it had happened
to anybody else
I'd be making jokes too.
Want to go to the movies?
The fly is reopening.
And then free willy
is coming out.
Here's another one.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
This isn't funny at all!
Miles...
Hey.
Oh, hey.
We haven't seen you
all morning.
Come join us.
No thanks.
I'm just getting
something to go.
In fact, I don't have time
for a sandwich.
But before you do
we have to talk
Come on over here
and sit down.
Now, there's something
I want to tell you
And I'm going to tell it
in front of everyone.
It's the story
About a little girl
in the fourth grade.
Bet it was murphy?
It happened during story time.
When the book was passed
to matthew flynn--
This little brat
who always thought
He was smarter than I was.
So when he said the word
"sovereign"
But I think that word
is pronounced "souvenir"
But the word
really was sovereign.
Oh, yes, it was.
And I just wanted to die.
That's it?
There are others
during my drinking days
But how often can you hear
About the evening
at the white house
When I grabbed the microphone
from liza minnelli
And did my own version
of "new york, new york?"
I think the point
murphy's trying to make here
Is that at one time or another
We've all been
deeply embarrassed.
I mean, who here hasn't dropped
a tray in the cafeteria?
Terrible.
Horrible.
Or flooded
a toilet
At someone
else's house?
My biggest fear.
Or lost the inflatable woman
Your friends got you
for your th birthday
Only to find your little sister
floating on it
At the flatbush community pool?
Your turn, corky.
This will help you, miles.
It was the fourth
of july parade in nebo.
I was , and as captain
of the drill team
I got to twirl
the flaming baton.
Well, my first two tosses
were perfect
But on the third toss
I must have given it
a little something extra
Because I waited and waited
And all of a sudden
I smelled smoke.
I turned around to see
The entire
"salute to cotton" float
Completely engulfed in flames.
The embers spread
to uncle sam's pant leg.
Well, you never saw
a man on stilts
Run so fast.
Wow. Burning down your hometown.
We haven't heard from jim.
I was on a plane
to paris in ' .
We were about an hour
into the flight
When I decided to
freshen up.
I securely locked
the lavatory door behind me.
I distinctly remember that.
So you can imagine my surprise
when I brushed up against it
And the door flew open
giving the entire cabin
An unobstructed view
of my... Bare bottom.
You mooned the plane?
I'll never forget
the expressions
In the faces
of the those two elderly women
In the front row.
One of them was...
The other was...
It was the most horrifying
experience of my life.
That's about as embarrassing
as it gets
Wouldn't you say, miles?
I mean...
I guess
about a hundred people
Saw jim's bare bottom,
wouldn't you say, jim?
About a hundred people
saw your bare bottom?
I never really stopped
to count.
Oh, yeah. I think
at least a hundred
And let's not forget
jim is famous
So they probably told
all their friends
And then they told
all their friends
So I'm guessing
a thousand...
No, a couple thousand people
are talking about jim's...
Murphy, jim might still be
a little sensitive
About the whole thing.
Can you blame him?
"Excuse me, stewardess.
I didn't know I was
in the tail section."
Oh, fine.
Go ahead and laugh.
You with your little
floatie girlfriend.
At least
I humiliated myself
In front of strangers.
She did it
in front of her town.
Corky:
oh, well.
Maybe my cheeks were red
But I bet your cheeks
were redder.
I've had
just about enough of this.
I think it's clear,
we're all open
To a little
friendly ribbing.
About these things.
♪♪ Start spreading the news ♪♪
Hey, lay off,
moon-man
It happened years ago,
and I've gotten over it.
No, you haven't.
None of you have.
All you've done
Is prove
that your embarrassing moments
Stay with you
for the rest of your life.
I thought if I could
just get through
The next couple of days
It would be okay,
but it won't!
See, you people don't have
to see the airplane ladies
Or liza minnelli every day
Unless I change jobs.
Maybe there's an opening
at the morning show.
At least paula zahn
hasn't seen me
With my pants down.
Oh, but she's certainly
heard the story.
All right,
this has gone far enough.
Geez, you never knock,
do you?
I know you men think
The world revolves
around your south poles
But what happened
yesterday
Was a silly little incident
between two friends
That was over
in the blink of an eye.
The point
you shouldn't let it affect
Your relationship
to me.
I know I shouldn't,
but it does.
If it were anyone else--
jim or frank or corky
Or ruth bader ginsberg
It wouldn't matter as much
Ruth bader ginsberg?
I have enough problems.
Don't ask me
Where that
came from.
The fact is
You don't realize what you're like.
You are a powerful and intimidating person.
It has taken me a long time
To establish my authority
with you
And now that's gone.
Now your opinion of me
has been diminished...
Or enhanced.
That's not where your authority
comes from.
You're smart. You're creative.
Oh, blah, blah, blah,blah.
It's all just words.
Our balance has been altered
And there is nothing
that can change that.
Well, looks like we have
a real problem here.
Guess there's only one thing
left to do.
What are you doing?
Restoring the balance.
Now, when you say
"restoring the balance," what..?
You're taking off
your shirt.
Well, talking didn't work.
This is how much
our friendship means to me.
I don't know what else to do.
You're taking off
your shirt?!
You are not!
You're bluff...
All right!
You're not bluffing.
Hey, you know...
Suddenly, I feel
a lot better about this.
This authority
and respect thing...
Ooh, it's back.
You don't sound too convinced.
I'm not, but I'm willing
to work on it
Are you sure?
Yes.
Thank god.
I haven't flashed these since woodstock.
I want you to know,
I appreciate the gesture.
Oh, rats.
I dropped a button.
What does it look like?
Oh, it's a little white...
Miles, i...
Oh, dear lord!