(Elevator dings)
Morning, all.
Hey, jim.
Hi there.
Just say it.
"What did you do,
have your ears lowered?"
"Place your head too close
to the weed whacker?"
Come on,
let them fly.
You get a haircut?
Yes. Couldn't you tell?
Man practically butchered me.
If you were carrying a shotgun
and hunting "wabbits"
I'd think you were elmer fudd.
Okay, people,
no time for chitchat.
I have got
a tip so hot
I need a pair of oven mitts
just to handle it.
Jim, get a
little close
To the old
weed whacker?
So what is
it, miles?
Don't get your hopes up.
He got excited when
the check-out girl said
He sort of looked
like matthew broderick.
What would you say
if I told you
The country's largest retail
chain buys clothes overseas
And sells them
with "made in america" labels?
If you're talking
about bowmart
That is a pretty
hot story.
If you've got proof.
Any evidence?
No, but what I do
have is ross bowen
Ready and willing to do
an interview next week.
Ooh! Whoo!
He's a tough n
ut to cr*ck so...
The last reporter
up against
His southern wiles
was reduced to tears.
But stone phillips
always struck me
As the
sensitive type.
We need our
toughest cowpoke
To break this
bucking bronco.
Murphy, frank,
arm wrestle for it.
I'd love a sh*t, but I'm doing
that cuban refugee piece.
Ooh! Murphy's been
thrown to the ground
And being dragged
out of the ring
By rodeo clowns.
Old tex fontana
wins by default.
What do you say,
you big galoot?
Sorry, can't do it, miles.
I haven't even edited
my k*ller bacteria story.
No, that's
the system.
If not murphy,
frank.
If not frank,
murphy.
If not murphy
or frank
It's sam donaldson
scooping fyi
And taunting miles
at the press club.
We'll get someone.
Maybe there's a free-lancer...
!
No, no, no,
no free-lancer
The last free-lancer
promised footage
Of a soviet
nuclear meltdown
And delivered
a grease fire
At a blintz factory
outside leningrad.
No, there's
got to be
A better
solution.
Think, people.
Think.
You know...
You guys are overlooking
an obvious choice.
Wait.
Hold it a second.
Well, corky's right.
We get kuralt.
The guy's off
Writing poems
in a swamp somewhere.
No! I'm talking
about me.
I'd be perfect
for this story.
We're both
from the south.
I've shopped in his
stores all my life.
I have nothing but free time
Since my expose on
melissa gilbert fell through.
Corky...
Corky.
Corky, sit.
You have a
very specific
And important
function on fyi.
You are the cherry
on the sundae.
You're the glaze
on the creme brulee.
You're
the whipped...
Cream on the apple pie,
the jimmies on the yogurt cone.
I'm tired of
always being dessert.
E.
I think I deserve the right to
be the main course for a chang
Dessert's always
my favorite part of the meal.
Love dessert.
Can't get
enough.
Stop it!
I have been here
for six long years
But does anyone
associate my name
With hard-hitting
stories? No!
When they imagine
the stench of
toxic waste
Who do they
think of?
Murphy.
When they see
compromising video footage
Who do they think of?
Frank.
Maybe when people hear
About cheap, flammable
knock-off apparel
It's time they started thinking
of corky sherwood.d.
Y
you u ow, cork
I am all for a person
taking on new challenges
But ross bowen?
He's a pretty
tough customer.
Well, you all
started somewhere.
I mean,
what did murphy say
When miles first
started fyi?
"Who does that little
pisher think he is?"
But that pisher
had chutzpa.
Where do you think
he is today?
Sorry, miles.
You used "pisher"
and "chutzpa"
In the same sentence.
What about murphy?
When morton dean
got the flu in '
Didn't a certain
local news reporter
Persuade the network
To give her
dean's assignment?
Well, maybe, but that...
And didn't that
prove pivotal
In launching her
"serious" news career?
Well, sure it...
So if a combination
Of pluck a
nd good fortune
Gave murphy brown
the chance to prove herself
Don't I deserve
the same opportunity?
Well, I guess
Corky has sort of
paid her dues.
Thank you, murphy.
So, miles,
what do you say?
O?
Can I be the cowpoke
that breaks this bronc
Well,
I suppose...
So...
Okay.
Oh, miles,
thank you!
Thank you so, so much!
Now, if
you'll excuse me
I have files to pull,
sources to grill.
Whoo boy,
am I excited!
Are you nuts?!
What?
Giving her that is like
sending g lamb to slaughter.
You weren't objecting!
I couldn't make
More obvious facial expressions
if I were jim carrey.
I see a fiasco...
I am not
responsible
for this.
Corky!
Oh, corky.
I just rushed out so fast
I forgot to tell you all how
much your support means to me.
Especially yours, murphy.
You do think I can do it.
Hey, you know me.
If I didn't think
you were ready
I would have
said something.
Thanks. You know
I won't let you down.
Oh, shut up, baldy.
Good evening,
and welcome to fyi.
For your information tonight,
murphy brown reports
On the continuing
cuban refugee crisis.
Frank fontana
examines the thr*at
Of drug-resistant bacteria
But first, corky sherwood
gives us an in-depth look
At one of america's foremost
entrepreneurs.
Corky?
.
Thank you, jim
I'm here
with ross bowen
President and founder
of bowmart
The country's largest
retail chain.
May I say how much
your stores mean to me.
Thank you, darling.
You can't make me blush
But the lord knows,
I won't complain if you try.
I can
still remember
When I was eight
And the first bowmart opened
in downtown nebo.
That would be store number .
And I believe
it was mabel loomis
Working the main register.
Yes. How did you know that?
Well, corky...
May I call you corky?
Mm-hmm.
If it's one thing
This good old boy
prides himself on
It is maintaining close
personal relationships
With every single one
of his people.
Corky:
really?
Every one?
Every last one.
Can I assume, ross...
May I call you ross?
Sure.
That you know this young man?
Well, I can't say his face
looks all that familiar.
Well, it should be.
This little boy is wong ho.
He works for you
In one of the burmese sweatshops
providing clothes to bowmart.
In fact, these documents
show that much
Of the apparel displaying
your "made in america" label
Was actually produced in burma,
thailand and hong kong.
Well, I'm afraid
You've left me out in the dark
without a candle, young lady.
Don't go pulling a dog's tail
expecting him to play dead.
I wouldn't advise hanging
a snake up to dry
While he's got
dew on his belly.
You also shouldn't
skin a raccoon
Till you're sure he's not a fox.
Let's quit
playing possum
And talk turkey, shall we?
I have no idea what
they're talking about
But I like what I'm hearing.
Only this so-called
"all american" t*nk top
Was actually manufactured
in taipei, wasn't it?
Well, i...
Couldn't we say the only thing
we know for certain
You make in america
is money?
You can't expect me...
And one more thing.
Why did you ever
stop selling those
blue frosty cones?
I just loved those.
I don't know.
Well, back to you, jim.
Well...
Thank you, corky,
for a most impressive job.
Really, most impressive.
Fyi will return
after these messages.
And, we're into commercial.
There she is
Little corkzilla.
Our own
If you need
extra cash
The biker bar down the corner
needs a bouncer.
That was great!
I haven't seen
A transformation like that
Since doris began
her estrogen supplements.
Well, corky
I have to say,
all in all
Not terrible.
Oh, murphy, do you
really mean that?
If you hear crazy talk
about me betting $
You were going
to fall on your face
Don't you believe it.
This was just
so much fun.
Watching a grown man
crumble before your own eyes
And knowing
you're the one responsible.
This must be how
you feel every week.
Don't get carried away.
You've got
a lot to learn.
L
I want you
to teach me. H
I'll buy you some coffee
and we can start now.
First tip, corky?
It's best not to leave
the set till t t show's over.
Oh, god, that's right.
You still have
your little thing to do.
All right, seconds, people.
Murphy,
there you are.
I can't tell you how much
I've learned
From watching these
old interviews of yours.
How did you get david stockman
to admit that reaganomics
Was a complete
and utter sham?
Now, corky,
we've been over this.
What's murphy's
interview rule
number one?
Badger, badger, badger.
This afternoon,
I want you to watch
My interview
with ed meese
Which illustrates murphy's
interview rule number two.
Both:
make 'em cry, make 'em cry
, make 'em cry.
It's the dynamic duo.
Show them your
Senator-i'm-not-buying-
this-load-of-crap face.
Murphy:
isn't that great?
Point it that way.
Wow, what are all
these letters, frank?
You didn't
Take out another
personal ad, did you?
The last one
turned out brown so ugly.murphy
These are for you.
For the record, janice and
I are still friends.
It's just her
other personalities
I don't get along with.
Oh, my god,
these are all for me?
"Corky, we saw your show
last night
"And we can't stop
talking about it.
"Disappointing doesn't even
come close
"To describing your performance.
"Rude, annoying and shrill,
however, do.
We'll never watch you again."
That's not
a very nice letter.
There's always one
bad apple in the barrel.
May i?
"Dear corky sherwood..."
This one seems
amiable enough.
"Last night's show
was a steaming pile of..."
Malarkey.
Ho the... Fudge
do you think you are
You... Fudging..."
Perhaps murphy
should finish this.
This is terrible!
It's not like this is the first
hate mail you've ever gotten.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Come now, surely you
received a few angry letters
Regarding that "ten years
of smurf magic" piece you did.
No.
What about "they gave us salsa:
A salute to o r
mexican-american friends"?
No.
So this is your first.
This is cause for celebration.
It is?
I had my first piece
of hate mail perma-plaqued.
Receiving a taste
of the poison pen
Shows you're doing
your job.
I shouldn't be feeling
this sick, queasy sensation
In the pit of my stomach?
Of course not.
You know that gray file
cabinet next to my desk?
Nothing but hate mail.
And it doesn't bother you?
Are you kidding?
When I'm depressed, I get naked
And roll around
in it.
I don't know, murphy.
And you haven't
been introduced
To the best part
of hate mail yet.
What's that?
Watch and learn.
It's ringing.
Hello. Is this cindy lou collins
of tempe, arizona?
I have a riddle for you.
What has a tiny brain,
a large mouth
And an opinion
no one cares about?
Give up?
Ha!
You. Ha
Feels as good now
as it did the first time.
Okay, now it's your turn.
Oh, no, no, no.
Murphy, I don't think
I could...
Hello?
Is this mr. Larson broder
of newark, delaware?
I have a riddle for you.
What has
A tiny brain,
a large mouth...
Yes, this is corky sherwood.
Have a nice day.
Bye.
We'll work on it.
...and this is what we cal
l the bullpen.
There's never
any shortage
Of bull
flying around in here.
(Chuckles)
Okay.
That's enough of the bullpen.
Back in the elevator.
Scooch in.
Corky... Who are
these people?
We're the teichers
from cincinnati
And we think you stink.
Yeah. Would you
excuse me a second.
What the hell
is going on?l
Well... I just thought
you would all be at phil's
Having lunch, so I invited
a few people on tour.
You know-- fans, viewers
Letter writers.
You didn't
god, no!
We call them
the faceless masses.
Don't you realize
what you've done?
You've given them faces
and bodies...
And ill-fitting clothes.
Corky, I need
to use the bathroom.
O.
One second, mrs. Marin
I mean now.
Oh, okay.
Corky!
Trust me, jim.
I learned the hard way.
She's not joking.
I'm taking mrs. Marino
to the bathroom.
You can't
leave us with...
Okay, listen up.
This is a place
of business.
If you would move your
little convention out
Of our newsroom
Those actually
working today
Would be
extremely grateful.
Boy, she's even
ruder in person
Than she is on tv.
And bonier.
Yeah, I'm
ichabod crane.
Now don't trip getting
on the elevator.
Get a load
of all the pictures
She's got of herself in here.
There must be thousands.
Get the hell out.
I've been watching
And I can do your job
as good as you.
I don't doubt
that, but...
I read the news to my cat,
and she is mesmerized.
So, uh...
If I slip you my resume
Do you think you could..?
Oh, I think you could.
You and your bleeding-heart
liberalism.
Sure, you stick it
to g*n manufacturers
And the cigarette industry--
All the people who made
this country great.
Hey, wait a minute.
Your name isn't
pat miller, is it?
Yeah!
Pat miller of dearborn
street, lansing, michigan?
Uh-huh.
It's only fair to warn you
You're in violation
of a restraining order.
I want to know
What gives you the right
To say whatever you want
about whoever you want.
A little something called
the constitution.
Maybe you've heard of it?
Oh. Well, then,
let me ask you this.
You know how
I can meet michael jackson?
Okay, everybody,
find your partner.
We've got minutes
to get on the bus
And get across town.
We need to talk,
and I mean now.
Murphy, please.
.
I've got my hands full
You have completely
stepped over the line here.
L
what about my film? H
Get it at
the gift shop.
Corky!
Sorry. Got to go.
Come on, scooch on in.
That's right.
(Doorbell ringing)
I'm coming. I'm coming.
Corky.
What are you
doing now?
Kissing g to your viewers
door-to-door?
All right,
I know you're angry with me.
Angry, no. That would mean
I cared, and I don't care
So don't mistake this as caring,
because I don't, but...
What the hell
were you thinking?!
If I could...
You blew it.
You caved in to public opinion
You compromised
your professional integrity
And worst of all...
You let total strangers
touch my stuff!
I'm sorry.
You're always sorry.
You upset a few viewers,
and you're sorry.
You upset me,
and you're sorry.
You upset the network...
I'm sorry!
Well, I'm sorry
But I am sorry.
I couldn't accept
Re
that there was
anyone out the
Who didn't like me.
A lot of people out there did.
You just didn't hear from them.
It doesn't matter.
Don't you see?
E.
It's just like when
I was in th grad
I was named homecoming queen,
voted class president
Won the lead
in bye bye birdie.
Everyone loved me.
Even the school mascot-- a goat!
There was this one girl,
wendy wilcox
Who couldn't stand me...
And I was miserable.
Can you believe it?
Not that it hasn't been
fun leafing through
The old hooterville high
yearbook with you
But can we just
get to the point?
You've got a decision to make.
You can either be a journalist
and make some people angry
Or miss homecoming queen
and have everybody love you
But you can't be both.
It's not
that easy for me.
I'm not like you.
You're strong--
you don't care
what people think
Or if they call you names
Or they hate you
in the mailroom.
It doesn't
matter what...
They hate me
in the mailroom?
Well, not everyone--
Just jimmy and earl.
And melissa.
And chuck.
And tommy.
All right, all right,
I get the picture.
When I was starting out
I had to develop
a thick skin.
If you're going
to be the kind
Of journalist
I think you can be
You've got to learn
to develop one too.
Do you really
think I can be
The kind of journalist
you are?
Let's not get carried away.
You know, corky, you really
surprised me this week.
That's what's so frustrating.
You've got the potential.
T.
You're backing away from I
I'm not backing away.
I just need to go
at my own pace.
It took you
a while to become
The tough, unfeeling hell hound
you are today
Didn't it?
Well, that's true.
Let's face it, murph,
you didn't make anyone cry
Until the tammy faye bakker
interview
And that doesn't even count.
All right, maybe
it's a little unrealistic
L
to expect you
to change overnight. H
Take the weekend.
(Doorbell ringing)
Who the hell is that?
Aw, don't worry.
I'll just get it.
Mrs. Marino, weren't you
supposed to wait on the bus?
I need to use
the bathroom.
What is going on?
I couldn't invite people
Here to our nation's capital
Without taking them to see
the monuments at night.
I mean now.
Listen here,
mrs. Marino...
Try to hurry.
Well, it's a start.
Well, I guess being the rudest
woman on tv has its advantages.
It's not the cleanest place
I've ever seen.
Aw, geez.