07x07 - Frank Cuts Loose

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
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Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
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07x07 - Frank Cuts Loose

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪ Somethin' is wrong with me ♪♪

♪♪ And if I'm low, she... ♪♪

(Bell dings)

Top of the key!
It's air fontana for two!

You know, I think I'm finally
getting the hang of this.

I attempted to continue
the story meeting

After you were called upstairs

But what were my appeals
to honor and duty

In the face
of the budding circus career

Of murpho the clown?

Corky:
well, miles, what
was the big problem

Those-- what
was the word?

Boneheads.

Those network boneheads

Wanted to talk about?

They're canceling
the banana squad.

What? And it had
all the elements--

Wit, sophistication

An orangutan that could make
armpit noises.

This isn't funny.

We've got a crisis here.

Starting next week

Fyi will be replacing
the banana squad

On saturday night.

What?

A new magazine
show--

The next wave-- is
taking our wednesday slot.

How can they dump us
on saturday night?

I spent the company picnic
sucking up to programming bozos.

Five geeky drunk guys and me
playing hacky-sack in a field.

Oh, yeah,
that'll happen again

Real soon.

Saturday nights...

Our audience will consist

Of baby-sitters and convicts.

Half of our viewers
will be raiding the refrigerator

While the other half fashions
shivs out of ballpoint pens.

Why would they
move us, miles?

We always win
our time period.

Our demographics are solid.

Okay, murphy doesn't
test well in the south

But I say
it's nothing

Some lace and an appearance
on the club can't fix.

The network is high
on this new show

And wants to use
our time slot to promote it.

To be fair,
they say it's just

A temporary situation.

They took away the vending
machines-- "temporary."

They kicked us out
of the garage-- "temporary."

They let us back in the garage
four months ago.

What?

Hey, no one told me.

My car has been
broken into six times!

Miles, what are
our options here?

I tried everything
with those guys.

Talking didn't work.
Shouting didn't work.

I think I would
have cried.

Crying definitely
didn't work.

This is unacceptable.

We have poured years
of blood, sweat and tears

Into that time slot.

I say we don't
have to stand for this.

I say we band
together!

Let's take action!

What are you
planning, murphy?

My first impulse was
a stink b*mb in the washroom

But that seems so ' s.

I think I'll go up
and talk to those guys myself.

Tony lucchesi's the head
of programming, right?

Yeah, but are you sure

You're the right
person for the job?

You don't think
he's still angry

About the salad incident?

"The salad incident"
required six operations

And two months
of intensive
rehabilitation

So, yes, I still
think he's angry.

My fork slipped!

And anyway, it was my plate,
my cherry tomato

And his hand
had no business being there

In the first place.

You know, we do have
another option here.

Now you're talking.

The trick will be getting
network executives

To drive to the country,
strip to their underwear

And count to ten while we
push their cars into a swamp.

Uh... No, murph.

What we have here requires
a completely different strategy.

Lucchesi and I
are both sicilian.

We're both from the street.

I'm going to go up
there right now

And have a nice little
conversation with this guy.

Hmm... A little
"conversation."

Are you insane?!

Lucchesi will eat
you for lunch!

Listen, you guys
have to trust me.

This is something
that only I can do.

It can't hurt.
Give the man a chance.

All right, if you
think you can.

Go get him!

You can do it.

So... You say we
drive these fellows

Out to the country...

Hey, sorry to hear
about the move.

Thank you, phil.

Well, if it's any consolation

It was at this very table that
chet huntley himself told me

That the network brain trust had
decided to reschedule his show.

Yeah, it really looked like
he was about to stop earning

That old weekly paycheck.

What did you say?

I looked the man
straight in the eye

And I said, "pay up
your bar bill, deadbeat.

You think I'm giving
these drinks away?"

Jim:
ah, here's frank.

Miles:
sit down.

Murphy:
so, how'd it go
up there, frank?

Well, it was, uh...

(Chuckling)

Interesting.

You have any luck?

Um... Sort of.

Oh, my gosh, you got
our time slot back?

Uh... No.

You found out

When we will get
our slot back?

Uh... Not exactly.

So what the hell

Did go on up there, frank?

Hey, next wavers,
there's the man.

Come on, frank.

We can't have
a story meeting

Without our new
lead anchor.

I want your take on
that pentagon piece.

Frank:
pentagon. Uh...

I just need to...

You-you don't just yank
a reporter off one show

And stick them on another

Without telling
the executive producer.

This network
is like a viper den

And we're all innocent,
little field mice.

I thought
we were little birds.

We are little birds
and field mice.

In the service

We knew how to deal
with frank's kind.

The fells would wait
until lights out

And then he'd be
short-sheeted

To within an inch
of his life.

Maybe frank didn't jump ship.

Maybe he didn't betray us.

Maybe we owe him a chance
to explain himself.

So, what the hell

Happened up there,
you two-timing weasel?!

What is going on?

Would you... You've
got it wrong here.

That's what private tibbs said
before we swabbed the latrine

With his head?

Look, I am not
leaving fyi.

You're not?

No.

Sure sounded
that way in phil's.

You're not joining
the next wave.

That, I'm doing.

Grab his ankles!

Would you
let me explain?

I went straight up

To lucchesi's office
and let him have it.

I told him I thought
his idea was idiotic

And I was not going to
let him take our time slot

Turn it over to a bunch
of inexperienced

Hot-dog reporters,
and he agreed with me.

I said all that, and he threw
a ceramic turtle at me.

I should have never
opened my mouth

Because suddenly lucchesi
gets it in his head

That I'm the solution
to his show's problems

I'm the steady hand
that will guide the ship

I'm the missing piece
to the puzzle.

Can you believe that?

It's getting harder.

Look, I do not
need this job.

It will be
twice the work

Twice the headache.

There goes
my trip to cabo.

Listen.

I make you all
a solemn vow right now.

Fyi will always be
my number one priority.

Oh, damn them.

Look, could we

Just get on
with the story meeting here?

Okay.

Corky?

Want to kick
things off?

(Sighs)

Well...

I thought I'd do
a piece on diet centers.

You know, how they suck you in
with their sales pitches

And force you to buy
all your food from them?

Miles:
I like that.

What is it, frank?

It's just that helen's working
on the same story upstairs.

She's got
a big jump on you.

I mean, she's already lost

All of her
water weight.

Jim! Any ideas

For your next
commentary?

I'm thinking of the middle east:
how the talks

Have fared...

Ouch!

We're planning to do

A piece on the same topic.

I wouldn't want it to look like
you're ripping us off

Murphy?

I'm doing a piece
on mandatory prison sentencing.

What? No,
that's great.

Go, you run
with that one.

Oh, gee.
Thanks, frank.

Although...

Oh!
Please!

Can I see you
in my office?

We're right
in the middle
of this...

Now.

Okay, frank.

I know, I know,
there's still

A few kinks
to be worked out--

Which show gets
which story--

But the important thing is:
I'm going to be lead anchor!

I'll be doing interviews
just like you.

Look at
this jacket.

The sleeves
are like butter.

Yeah, right.

I owe it all to you.

How many times did
I come in here wondering

Ever catch that break
if I would
that would take me

Onto the next level?

You would always say,
"be patient, frank.

Give it time, frank."

It'll all
work out."

You know what, murph? It did.

You were right.

You are just
the greatest.

Oh, god.

Oh, this is crazy.

Look at me.

I'm actually crying here.

Oh, god.

So, was there anything else
you wanted to say?

I...

(Sniffles)

I just wanted to tell you
how happy I am for you, frank.

Really, really,
really happy.

Thanks, murph

And I meant
what I said.

I owe this all to you.

Hey, hey, what is my face
doing up here?

Oh, gee. Is that you?

I thought I grabbed
newt gingrich.

Um... But I was
just wondering--

Have you thought
this all through?

I mean, say you go

On the next wave,
and it's a huge hit.

And it will be, murph.

What if the network

Won't give fyi
its time slot back?

That will never happen.

We should get out.

And if fyi stays
on saturday nights

It dies, frank.

It dies, and we all die
along with it.

Oh.

Oh, man.

How could I not see this?

I am such an idiot.

Good, you've
acknowledged
the problem.

We can move on
from there.

You're jealous.

I got asked to do the next wave.

You didn't,
and you can't stand that.

Trust me, frank.

Jealously has nothing
to do with this.

Anger-- anger has a lot
to do with it.

This is k*lling
you, isn't it?

You're happy
when I'm harmless

Frank fontana,
field reporter

But suddenly I get
a bit of the spotlight.

I creep a teeny bit too close

To your turf,
not to mention

That when the network needed
an anchor for their hot, young

New show--
someone the kids

Could plug into--
they called me.

This pushes all
your buttons.

Oh, grow up!

The kids will tune in

To watch snoop frankie frank
rap with the beastie boys?

I don't even know why
I'm wasting my breath.

You're jealous of me,
you're threatened by me

And you'll do everything
in your power to bring me down.

Thanks a lot, friend.

Fine! Screw
your friends!

Screw fyi,
you rat!

But you know what?

Those sleeves aren't real suede.

Good morning

People.

I just had a meeting
with the brass upstairs.

They're wacky guys,
that brass upstairs.

Oh, yes, they are.

Wacky, wacky, wacky.

Where do they want
to stick us?

The network's getting
its butt kicked

By the muppet babies.

Perhaps they might
get frank to help them.

He can play ratman

Whose superpower is dressing
in a fake suede jacket

And stabbing his friends
in the back.

Actually, they asked
if we'd do them a favor.

Ironic, huh?

Them asking us for a favor?

That's like the lions
asking the christians

If they could have a ride

To the airport.

(Laughing hard)

So, what do those
network boneheads

Want from us?

Actually, actually,
they want murphy

To interview frank on the air.

Like I said,
wacky, huh?

(Chortling)

Oh, god.

Did that come out of me?

Look, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.

I'll do it.

You'll do it?

Yeah. I'll do it.

This is great.

Wait till I tell
the boneheads!

Well...

That was strange.

Strange, frank?

She answered awfully fast,
don't you think?

No, not especially.
It is her job.

If she's upset
about something or someone

She might find a way to take
revenge against that person.

You know, make them look like
an idiot on national television.

People change, frank.

They do things
you may not expect.

You're probably right.

Murphy's a professional.

When she is told
to do something

She does it.

Who knows?
Maybe she's come around.

I think so.

(Stifled laughter)

Or maybe she'll
sprout wings

And fly south
for the winter.

Maybe she'll dip
herself in bread crumbs

And learn to play
the piccolo.

You know, I have
a good feeling

That murphy is going
to come through for me on this.

(Staffers laugh)

And we're clear.

(Clears throat)

Hello.

Hi.

Ready for the interview?

Ready? Why wouldn't I be ready?

What are you
planning, uh,
on asking me?

Look, frank, you
can stop worrying.

As far as I'm concerned

Your doing that other show
is a dead issue.

Really, murph?

Really.

That's great

Because I was
getting nervous.

Seconds,
people!

Jim introduces you.

You introduce frank.

You do the thing.

Got it?

I'm ready.

The thing? What's the thing?

The thing, frank--
the interview.

He said, "you do the thing,"
and you said, "I'm ready"

As if you'd rehearsed something.

What?!

What's going on here?

All right,
we're back live...

John, I want to know.

...four,
three, two...

Jim:
welcome back.

In our next segment,
our own frank fontana

Stares into the jaws of death

As he sits
in murphy brown's hot seat.

Murphy?

Next week viewers get

A double dose
of frank fontana

When in addition to his
investigative work on fyi

He takes charge
of the network's

Latest magazine show,
the next wave.

Frank, welcome.

You're welcome.

The next wave
next week at : .

Care to give our
viewers some idea

Of what they
can expect to see?

On what you mean by "expect."

"Expect" can have a lot
of different meanings.

I mean expect--

Envision, foresee, anticipate.

You know.

No, I don't know.

What are you driving at?

Well...

The format--

Could you describe
it for us?

Yes.

Yes, what?

Yes... I can.

Uh-huh.

You're saying the format
of the next wave will be..?

I don't believe
I'm saying anything.

Yes, I'm well-aware of that.

The next wave
is a news show

Right?

Yes. That is

We'll be doing
news segments--

Different ones
every week.

Really?
Different stories.

I mean different
from each other.

I don't mean
weird or unconventional.

Not that they will
be conventional.

They will be way out there

That normal fyi viewers

Will be
uncomfortable
watching them.

The more I think about it,
they'll be exactly like fyi

But different.

Can I have
some water?

Thanks for joining us, frank.

I'm sure your show
is destined for success.

Your colleagues at fyi
wish you the very best.

What do you mean by that?

Good night.

Hey, frank, saw
the show tonight.

Thought you handled
yourself pretty well.

Really, phil?

Absolutely.

Oh, by the way

Here's your bar bill.

Cash will be fine.

Frank, I've been looking
all over for you.

Oh, yeah, I
bet you were.

Okay, let's get
this over with.

Congratulations,
you won.

What are you
talking about?

You won't be happy
till I say it.

Fyi is not
moving anywhere.

They're yanking
the next wave

To retool it without me.

Oh, geez, frank,
I'm sorry.

Why your plan worked
out perfectly.

Lucchesi said watching
me try to answer

Your stupid questions
was like watching

A man get his neck snapped,
only half as fun.

I think that last
part was a joke.

How could you
do this, murph?

What do you mean?

That interview, those questions.

You hung me out to dry.

I was tossing you nothing
but softball questions.

You knew that was
the last thing I expected.

I wasn't screwing you over.

I tried to help you.

Oh, I see.

You were trying
to help me.

I was.

Don't get me wrong.

I thought about
screwing you over.

I even wrote down

A whole bunch
of other questions--

Really, really
horrible questions.

I don't know.

I couldn't bring myself
to do it.

I guess I just...

Really wanted
what was best for you.

You did?

We're friends.

Oh, man.

What is wrong with me?

I completely blew this.

I finally get my sh*t.

Not only do I fall
flat on my face

I step all over
everybody else
doing it.

We didn't exactly help.

Here you get this big break,
and what do we do?

We call you a traitor--

Even though you
sort of were one

Called you a jerk--
even though you were.

Skip to the part where you
try to make me feel better.

That was the part.

Oh, all right, frank.

It'll work out, frank.

Give it time,
frank.

Be patient, frank.

Ahh! You always know
what to say, murph.

I don't suppose
you'd let me

Look at one of
those questions

Because I was
ready for you.

I think it's
better if...

Just one?

Oh, all right.

Yeow!

It looks like
I was screwed

Either way, huh?

Yeah, pretty much.
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