07x10 - Bye Bye Bernecky

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
Post Reply

07x10 - Bye Bye Bernecky

Post by bunniefuu »

Hi, there.

Oh, my!

Boy, oh, boy,
will you look at this place.

I mean, I knew
you would have a lot

Of good stuff, but this...

Can I help you?

Look at this ceiling.

That mural.

It's a masterpiece.

I got to get a better look.

Lady, what
are you doing?

Get the hell off my floor.

I thought we'd discussed[[
the lipstick marks

On the milk car...

You k*lled someone!

If you think
I'll dig the hole...

Eldin?

(Gasps)

Ma?

Eldin!

Ma!

Why doesn't this surprise me?

This is... This is
my mother reena bernecky.

Mrs. Bernecky,
nice to meet you.

Please, who's
mrs. Bernecky?

Call me "ma."

Okay... Sure.

Ma, what are you doing here?

Oh, god, who's sick?

Who lost their job?

Who needs a transfusion
of the very rare bernecky blood?

I only have the one
kidney left, you know?

Relax.

Nothing is wrong.

Eldin's always
been such a worrier.

When he was a baby,
he wouldn't eat a thing

Without mashing it all up
in his fingers

And sniffing it first.

I always thought that was
a more recent affectation.

You must be so tired
from your trip.

Where are you staying?

Well, where else

But with you.

I just have
to freshen up a little.

Then we can go.

Down the hall

And to your right.

Well, I just...

I can't believe
you're really here.

You got to get me out of this!

She cannot stay with me!

Aren't you the man

Who had a troop
of chinese acrobats

Stay at your apartment
for a month?

But they slept in the tub
and kept to themselves.

If you must know

I'm working on a brand-new
series of paintings at my place.

Nudes.

All right,
they're self-portraits.

I know that it's not anything
she hasn't seen before

But she hasn't seen it
in a long time.

Okay, why don't you
put her up at a hotel?

If it were only that simple.

The berneckys have always had

A very strange
and irrational fear of hotels.

We think it dates back
to third-century bulgaria.

Something about a chamber pot,
three sickly goats

And the mysterious disappearance
of a hunchbacked serving wench.

Uh-huh.

So what are you going
to do with her?

Well, i...

Oh, no, eldin.

You know how I feel
about house guests.

I don't even like sharing
my lane on the highway.

It would only be
for a couple of days.

Consider it repayment

For the time I drove
through that hurricane

To indulge your rather
unfortunate big mac att*ck.

Okay, she can stay.

But for the record,
it was a tornado

And it was a taco bell
"run for the border."

You know what?

Your, uh,
your sink drips.

I happen to be
pretty handy
with a toolbox.

But then you'd have to be
when your late husband

Was the super
of a four-story walk-up.

The man couldn't climb
out of his underpants

Without breaking a sweat.

Is this drywall?

She has something

That she would like
to ask you

And I don't think
you're going to like it.

Mrs. Bernecky...

Uh...

Ma...

I have a lot more space
than eldin.

Why don't you stay here
in the guest room?

No, no, absolutely not.

And we are insulted

That you would even
make such an offer.

Mom, I'm very sorry that
you had to hear that.

Okay, in that case...

However, if a greater insult
would be visited upon you

By our refusal

Then reluctantly
we must accept.

I'll take your bags
upstairs.

Either you owe
him a favor

Or he's been painting
those nudie pictures
of himself again.

Keys?

Ow!

Eldin!

He took avery to the park.

Boy, he wasn't kidding
about that set of pipes on you.

Look, I made flemkin.

It's an old bernecky specialty

Which, loosely translated,
means "pig's bowel."

But that's mainly
because of the shape.

Can I cut you a piece?

No. No, thanks.

I'd like to know

What happened to
my living room.

Oh, amazing, isn't it?

It's got a lot more... Flow.

I don't know
who your decorator was

But they didn't know
the meaning of "flow."

I didn't have a decorator.

You're telling me.

Now, how about that flemkin?

No, I don't want any flemkin.
I want...

(Car horn honking)

Great. My car pool's here.

Jim throws a fit
if I'm late

And you try
to save time

By shaving your legs in
the car and... Oh, fine.

Jim dial is out there?

Oh, I would love to meet him.

I'm sure he'd love

To meet you, except this...

Yoo-hoo! Hello!

Come on in.

No, no, don't come in.

Just stay in the car.

I need to get my keys.

Oh, god, they're
getting out of the car.

This is so exciting.

I hope I look all right.

What is it
this time, murph?
You alw...

Hey, what'd you do
to your living room?

This looks terrific.

Corky:
oh, murphy.

Well, it's about time.

It's got
a much better...

Oh, I don't know, um...

Flow?

Hello.

Hello.

This is eldin's mother.

She's staying for a few days.

Reena bernecky--fyi.

Hi.

Oh, hey, I found my keys.
We can go.

Wait a minute.

Do I smell... Flemkin?

You know it.

Are you kidding?

When I was traveling
through europe

It saved my life.

After some street urchins
pushed me off my moped

And stole my money belt

It was the smell of flemkin
that revived me.

I believe the word means
"pastry of the gods."

I just made some up fresh.

Would you like a little?

Maybe another time.

Yeah, I'll have a little.

Here we go.

There's a piece for you.

And you.

And I don't want to forget you.

And I have
a nice big piece for you.

So, what do you have planned
for your stay here?

You should get out
and see the city.

Well, actually,
there is one thing.

I've always wanted to see
how you put together a show.

I mean, you know, what
goes on behind the scenes.

It sounds so interesting.

You know what?
It's actually pretty dull.

It's dull, dull, dull.

We could show you
around the studio.

Why don't you come
along with us right now?

Corky's car is already
a little crowded.

There's room for one more.

Hey, there. You must be
murphy's new secretary.

Nice try doing

That look-alike bit

But you are not
fooling anybody.

You got a :
shadow right...

Knock it off, frank.

It's bad enough I've been
chased out of my office

By reena, the flemkin queen.

Hey, ma.

Hi, frankie.

Is there another plug out here?

Oh, there's one.

Okay.

(Sander whirring)

It works.

That's a pretty color on you.

I can't take it
anymore, frank.

The woman is driving me nuts.

I kind of like her.

She fixed my button.

If she's bothering you
that much

Just go in
and tell her to stop.

I've been trying
to get maintenance

To fix those shelves
for years.

Well, if she pops
her head out

Tell her I need
those pants by friday.

Oh, murphy, I got to go home
and start dinner.

Now, don't forget
I'm making something special+

For you and eldin tonight.

Oh, goody.

Oh, when you go back
into your office

Don't mind the fumes.

Although, if your eyes
start stinging

Rush to the nearest sink
and induce vomiting.

Oh, god. I just had
a horrible thought.

She's a bernecky.

Maybe once you get them
in your house, they never leave.

Reena? I like her.

She reminds me of
my nana silverberg.

Maybe it's the flemkin.

She must put something
in the flemkin.

She sure is proud
of her son.

When I was showing her
around the studio

It was "eldin this"
and "eldin that."

If you need a few days

To look for a new
nanny, do it now.

I will not be able
to spare you later.

What?

Get a jump on it

With eldin leaving
and moving to spain

And you don't know what
I'm talking about, do you?

Is that my phone?

All right,
start talking, miles.

Tell me exactly what she said.

You know, now that
I think about it

She might not have been
talking about eldin.

Does she have another son
named sheldon?

Miles.

Meldin?

Miles!

Okay. All right.

She said that eldin
was invited to spain

To study with some mural
artist-- diego garcia?

And that he was
definitely going to do it

Because he can't be
a nanny for the
rest of his life.

Eldin's leaving?

I'm sorry.

From the way
she was talking

I thought for sure
you knew.

Eldin's leaving?

I'll k*ll him.

Eldin!

Where are you?

Eldin!

I wonder if it's possible

For paint to actually curdle?

Okay, eldin, let's have it.

When exactly were you planning
to tell me?

Well, I didn't think I had to.

But if you want me to put your
furniture back the way it was

That's no skin off my nose.

Ma's way does have
a vastly superior flow.

Forget about
the furniture, eldin.

I'm talking
about your quitting

About your going to spain
to study painting

With this diego garcia guy.

Diego garcia?

Isn't there someone
you're supposed to call

When you start
hitting the hooch again?

So are you telling me

You've never heard
of this guy garcia?

Oh. What are you kidding?

He's probably only the greatest
muralist alive today.

I mean, uh, studying with him
would be like

Well, you studying with, uh...

Jeez, I'm trying
to think of the world's

Biggest pain-in-the-butt
journalist, but...

You're probably it, huh?

Well, if you're not leaving

Why did your mother
tell miles that you were?

What?

Ma!

I don't know
who cleans your kitchen

But you should
hang on to them.

The pans, the oven,
the stove--

It's like none
of that stuff

Has ever been used.

Ma...

Did you tell somebody

That I was quitting my job

And moving to spain

To study painting
with diego garcia?

Let me think.

Why would you do
something like that?

Why would you just

Make something up
like that?

I didn't make it up.

You always used
to talk about it.

He even wrote
mr. Garcia a letter

Saying he would
do anything--

Even take out
his garbage--

Just for the chance
to watch him paint.

Is that true, eldin?

You wrote him a letter?

Well, like eight years ago.

It was just a stupid fantasy.

I mean, I didn't even send
the damn thing.

No... But I did!

I was going to wait

And save this
until after dinner.

He wrote back, eldin.

He finally wrote back.

Apparently, if you're
a genius

You don't have to show
the courtesy

Of a prompt reply.

Diego garcia...
Wants me to come

To paint with him.

Let me see that.

And he doesn't
mention

A word about
emptying his garbage.

So I would just
shush about it

When you get there.

Isn't this great?

Great? That...

No! No! It's not great!

I can't go to spain!

What are you
talking about?

This is what you wanted.

Well, maybe it was, but...
Not now.

I got responsibilities here.

All right. I understand.

Avery is a darling boy
and you care for him

But you have to live
your own life.

I mean it's
not like

He's your child.

He's not, is he?

Both:
no!

I was just checking.

I'm sure murphy
will find another nanny.

I could fill in
for a month or two

Until she does.

Oh. No.
That's okay. Really.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not going anywhere.

Here.
I'm i@i@i@staying right

But, eldin...

No. There's no "buts"
about it.

I don't want to hear
another word about it.

That's it.

Sorry about that.

No. It's okay.

I was just wondering
how I'd ever replace you.

Well, I can be a pretty
hard person to please.

The devil you say.

I can't help
thinking, though

It, um...

Must be pretty hard

To pass up
a dream like that.

Well, you know...

I also wanted to marry
that blonde gold digger

On the dean martin show.

I got over that.

You know, i...

I don't know what
my mother was thinking.

She was just trying
to be a good mother.

I'd like to think I'd do
the same thing for avery.

Yeah.

I don't believe I'm saying
this, eldin, but, um...

I think you should go.

Aw, come on.
Not you, too.

You haven't been eating
her flemkin, have you?

Look...

You know it's not like me

To put the needs of others
before my own.

The last time I did it
was when I gave that cab

To that woman in labor

And even then I made her
drop me off first.

So, when I tell you
you should do it

I think yo#u should go.

Forget it.
I'm not doing it.

When I took this job

I promised I would stay
until the job was finished.

A bernecky does not
break a promise.

It's okay, eldin.

You can leave
with a clear conscience.

I just have
a lot of work to do.

Eldin, you're fired.

(Chuckles)

Get out of here.

You're serious.

(Door opens and closes)

Hi, eldin.

Hey.

So, packing up, I see.

Yep.

Well, I won't
keep you.

You probably have
a lot of that to do.

Six and
a half years

On one job--
that's a lot of packing up.

Done.

What do you mean?

How could you be done?

Well, I have to be.

My plane leaves
in a little while.

Ah.

That would be
the, uh, plane to spain.

Good thing it's not raining

Because the plane to spain
falls mainly in the rain.

Yeah.

Oh, listen.

There's something
I should tell you.

Yes, eldin?

There's some wet paint
in the hallway.

I touched up the, um,
the hall cabinets.

Ah.

Eldin, listen, i...

Okay, I know we said
our good-byes already.

I tried to tell him that.

But he forced me
to bring him out here

At crayon point.

I was just coming
to tuck you in
there, big man.

Are you going away
now, eldin?

Yeah, remember?

Remember we talked
about this?

I'm going to school

And this school
is very far away.

But I'm going
to send you
a lot of letters

And I'm going
to come see you
as soon as I can.

Okay?

Uh-huh.

And while I'm gone

Would you do
a favor for me?

I want you
to listen to your mom

Because, believe
it or not...

She actually does know
what she's talking about.

Okay.

Bye, eldin.

Bye-bye, big man.

Eldin,
listen to me.

When you get
over there

Don't eat the tacos.

You don't know what
they put in those things.

That's mexican food, mom.

I'm going to spain.

Oh. In that case,
knock yourself out.

I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you.

Okay.

Come on, avery.

I'll show you how to take apart
a refrigerator.

Putting it back together--
that's the hard part.

She's going to be great
with him, you know.

She did okay with you.

You're not going to get
all mushy on me

Are you?

Yeah, pretty much.#

Well...

I guess this is it.

Yeah, I guess it is.

You know...

When I first saw this place...

Man, it was really a mess.

Your baseboards
were all rotted

And your walls were warped.

The ceiling-- forget about it.

Oh, it took me
a little longer
than I thought and...

Okay, a lot longer.

But you know what?

I think I did
some pretty
good work here.

You did great work here, eldin--

Miracles.

Ah...

There's a spot by the door

That's been bugging
the hell out of me.

I could just touch that up
real quick.

Good-bye, eldin.

I'll tell you what.

I'll get it the next time.
Post Reply