08x20 - The Bus Stops Here

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
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Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
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08x20 - The Bus Stops Here

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪ Before you ask some girl
for her hand now ♪♪

♪♪ Keep your freedom
for as long as you can now ♪♪

♪♪ My mama told me,
you better shop around ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, yeah, you better
shop around... ♪♪

Okay. Is everyone here?

You guys are not
going to believe

The news I have
to tell you.

Go ahead, guess.

They're removing
the garage speed bumps?

No. Think better.

We're finally getting those
extra research assistants?

No. Think better.

They'll let me anchor
the evening news?

No. Think remotely possible.

Miles, just go ahead
and tell us.

Okay... No. Guess.

Okay, okay.

Come back here.

This is it.

Fyi is leaving the office

And hitting the campaign trail.

Miles!

It is going
to be great.

We're flying into chicago
next week.

The network has arranged
transportation

To madison, wisconsin

Where we'll be
kicking off our coverage.

All the candidates
will be there.

All right!

I have got
so much to do.

I have to book a crew,
arrange accommodations

And call don hewitt.

He thought he was such hot stuff

Because he talked
the carnegie deli

Into naming a turkey burger
after andy rooney.

So we're covering
the campaign.

Big deal.

I don't know
what he's so excited about.

Are you kidding?

This is one of the plum
assignments in journalism.

You get to criss-cross
the country

And meet the candidates
up close and personal.

And then you trip them up.

You get to record
the candidates'

Every thought
and movement.

And then you trip them up.

You are a key player
in the democratic process.

You get to witness
history in the making.

Then you dress up
like a pig farmer

Infiltrate their rallies,
and then you trip them up.

Frank, remember iowa, , when
we lost our hotel reservations?

?

We couldn't find a hotel room,
so six of us slept in a barn.

When we woke up

We witnessed
a colt being born...

Right on top of my
new suede jacket.

Eww!

I can't believe
I'd forgotten
all this stuff.

And when we followed
gary hart in the press bus?

Oh, yeah.

What happened?

Jack germond
stopped snoring.

You thought he was dead.

You gave him
mouth-to-mouth.

When he woke up,
he tried to strangle me.

Good thing brokaw was there

To whack him
with his briefcase.

Corky, these are
the kind of memories

You'll be walking home with.

Well, I'm glad to be me.

Hey, frank, remember

The walter mondale finger-
in-the-car-door incident?

No.

The paul tsongas
hepatitis scare?

Not really.

Ross perot and
the buffalo stampede?

Oh, geez, I've got to start
writing this stuff down.

The highway continues to hold us
in its unrelenting grip.

Behind us, only asphalt.

Ahead of us...

More asphalt.

Listen to the rhythm
of the road.

Yellow, then black,
yellow, then black

Yellow, then black.

The intrepid reporter
has grown tired

Of yellow and black.

You know, if I had to guess,
I'd say it was this switch.

Don't touch!

I'm sorry, guys,
but the technoliner

Is a very, very new,
very, very expensive bus.

Lansing said he would hold me
personally responsible

If anything happened to it.

Miles, it's
an $ , bus.

He can't mean
"personally
responsible."

If anything happens
to the technoliner

Guess who'll spend ten years

Scrapping barnacles off
the hull of the s.s. Lansing?

Okay, people,
gather 'round.

I would just like to go over
a few of the innovative features

Of the technoliner .

I'm sure you'll all agree

The t- is
pretty darn special.

They probably just redecorated
the old nfl today bus.

In fact, if you crank
the heat up on this thing

I bet you can still smell
john madden.

That is the wrong attitude
here, murphy.

You are looking at
the state-of-the-art

In high-tech news gathering
equipment.

People, when you stepped aboard
the t-

You stepped aboard the future
of mobile campaign coverage.

This has
nothing to do

With campaign coverage.

What was the matter with
the old way of reporting?

This is like reporting a
campaign from your living room.

I was lukewarm about this whole

"Fyi on the campaign" idea

But now that I've stepped aboard

The future
of mobile campaign coverage...

And indeed you have, corky.

The t- is equipped
with three exterior cameras

A state-of-the-art
editing bay

A roof-mounted
satellite dish...

Can we get mtv?

Christy turlington's
guesting on house of style.

You sure
that's this week?

Hello! Give me
a little credit.

As I was saying, we're equipped
with a database, internet access

Fax machine, a stereo system--

No touching, frank--

Not one

Not two,
but seven digital phone lines.

There's also
a self-cleaning bathroom.

Whoever heard of a press bus
with a bathroom?

Half the experience
is having to hold it in

Till you're
ready to cry.

Whoever heard
of a press bus

With a home
entertainment center?

Half of the experience
is being so bored

You could k*ll yourself...

Sha!

Does anyone mind

If I cr*ck a window?

They don't open, corky.

There's no need.

You see, the t- is
fully climate-controlled.

That's why
those in the know

Call it "the bubble."

Windows that don't open?

Half the experience
is getting carsick

And wondering if you're going
to get them down in time.

Back me up, frank.

She's right.

This isn't a press bus,
it's an abomination.

Hey, cool. Ice.

Ah! No touching!

No touching!

Murphy, it really
doesn't matter

What you think
of this bus.

This has been so generously
given to us by the network

And this is what
we'll be using.

Either shut up about the bus,
or learn to appreciate it.

You're right. I should learn
to appreciate the bus.

I'll start right now.

What does this switch do?

I wonder what that's for?

Stop!

I wonder what these..?

Stop it!

I think
they make the bus go dead.

Why would they make
a switch that does that?

Black, yellow, black.

Or was it
yellow, black, yellow?

Oh, man. I can't believe
you wiped out my entire journal.

It's not my fault.

Anyway, I'm not the idiot who
didn't push the "save" button.

Besides, you should thank me.

I kept the world
from being subjected

To the ham-handed musings
of frank talk from frank.

I told you, I haven't settled
on that title yet.

Now, just so you'll know

You are no longer
on the acknowledgements page.

Ooh!

We wouldn't even be here

If you didn't break
the stupid bus.

It's not my fault.

It is your fault!

...the cappuccino machine.

Stop it. Stop it!

Everything will be fine.

The bus is going to be fixed

And we're going to make it
to madison

In plenty of time
for tonight's show.

Tell them, miles.

We're not going to make it!
We're doomed.

The mechanic says

He can't fix
the bus before tomorrow morning.

We have to be

In madison tonight.

Maybe you should have
given that some consideration

Before you broke the bus!

Well, there's got to be
something we can do.

Can't we just rent a car
or something?

Great idea, corky.

We'll just fit three tons

Of state-of-the-art
broadcast equipment

Into the trunk of a ford escort.

Okay, so maybe it was
a stupid idea

But not nearly as stupid

As you letting miller
use your journal

To spit a piece
of gristly chicken into.

Oh, god.

This is great

Just great.

What are we
going to do now?

We need a miracle.

Well! Hello, all.

Jim!

Are we glad
to see you.

What are you
doing he?

I was on my way to madison
to cover the campaign for icn.

You saw our bus broken down
and figured we'd be in here.

It is a miracle.

Not exactly. The icn mini-van
has had to stop for oil at every

Gas station, rest stop and
speedy mart since washington.

We've left a trail of black
grease and rusty auto parts

Through eight states
and the district of columbia.

Six hot cocoas
to go, please.

It doesn't make
any difference.

You've got wheels and
you're headed our way.

Put your pedal to
the metal, good buddy.

I'll keep my eye
out for smokeys.

The brakes just went out
in the news van!

It's starting to
roll down the hill

And todd's using
his body as a brace.

I'll be there in a minute.

The tread's wearing out
in his sneakers

And he's kind of
picking up speed!

Anyway, I'd love
to help you all, truly, I would

But our van is packed
to the gills as it is.

I see. Well, that's
okay, jim.fyi is a team.

You can't take us all,
we understand.

So just take me.
I'll give you money.

Unbelievable.

Sorry, slugger.
I really must be going.

By my estimate, if we stop
no more than five times for oil

And get a good,
stiff tail wind

We'll arrive in madison
in time for the candidates.

Well, wish me luck.

Well, there goes
our last hope.

So much for my first broadcast
from the campaign trail.

We've got to get there.

There's got to be a way.

If I could carry you
all the way to madison

On my back, murphy,
I would.

Damn my sciatica.

Okay, people,
let's face facts.

We're not getting to madison
in time for the show.

That leaves us one choice.

Night off. Party on
the bus! Whoo-hoo!

No, miller.
No party on the bus.

Oh. So when you said
there was only one choice

You were lying.

Okay, look.

The network is expecting
a campaign show tonight

And we have got
to give them one.

We still have our cameras,
our satellite uplink...

Are you saying we do
the show from here?

We were going to profile
voters in madison, anyway

Get their feelings
on the issues.

Why can't we do that here?

Forget it, miles.

That was just a small
piece of the story.

I was going to interview
the candidates.

I was going
to trip them up.

I want to trip them up.

Well, murphy, do you have

A better suggestion?

How bad is that sciatica, carl?

Talk to me about problems.

Camera work will be
hand-held.

It may not be pretty.

It'll give that gritty,
you-are-there look.

I won't be able to take
my usual pre-show facial scrub.

I may not be
that pretty, either.

I'll deal with it, carl.

I don't know.

It seems to me welfare's
a pretty complicated issue.

There really aren't any
easy answers, you know?

Lou, two burgers and
a pig in a blanket.

I've needed assistance
myself on occasion

But I also don't think
that it should become

A way of life
or anything, but...

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, if the government
isn't there to help people

When they need it,
then who is?

Oh, I guess I'm not being
all that clear, am i?

It's great. When the cameras
are rolling, say what you feel.

That's exactly
what we're here for.

Okay, but I still don't see
what's so interesting about me.

Now, lou... He's the one
with all the opinions.

Ain't that right, lou?

I say, no government,
no taxes, no fat chicks.

So, you want
to put me on tv too?

Yeah, well, if we have time.
Thanks.

Miles, we have to talk.

I know you're unhappy

But I've got too much to do
before broadcast.

Why don't you just break
a plate over my head?

Miles, I'm getting
some great stuff.

I wanted to talk to you
about extending my segment.

Really?

What we're stumbling onto

Is fresher than anything
we could have gotten in madison.

It's not
the usual political slogans

And predigested claptrap
we always end up with.

It's good.

Why did you fight me?

Hey, miles,
this is george eriksen.

Now, he's a truck driver

With some very
interesting things to say.

Uh, I had to twist his arm
a little bit

But he's agreed
to do our show.

By the way, do you think

He could try on
your headset?

I don't know why,
but it's sort of

A deal-breaker.

(Sighing)

Okay. I'm in.

Here's the game plan.

Miller, you're anchoring
in the booth here.

Murphy, you're
at the counter.

Corky, you're
by the windows.

Frank, the rest rooms.

How come murphy gets
to stand by the pies

And I have to stand
by the toilets?

What can I say?
You're a victim of my whimsy.

Okay, people, we got
a show to do. Let's go.

Murphy, hi.
Dennis stocker.

Western wisconsin manager,
bob dole campaign.

Hi. Why are you here?

And we wanted to get in
on the action.

Okay, people, let's start
working this side of the room.

Aha! It looks like
that fyi tip was
right on the money.

This diner is now
a battleground

In the w*r
for the soul of america.

Now, move.move.

What's going on?

Leader of the wisconsin
pat buchanan as*ault team.

You think you're
giving bob dole

An hour of network
time to himself?

I don't think so.

What's happening?

Word got out we're
doing the show here.

Let's set up here.

What do you think
you're doing?

Abc-- covering the campaign.
What are you doing?

We have to do
our show from here.

Yeah, right.

Set up at the counter.

You can't
set up there.

We have to. Cnn's already
commandeered the garage.

No, you can't set up
at the counter.

That's my counter.

I'll keep the counter
and trade you lou the fry cook.

He's got some great opinions

Don't you, lou?

No government, no
taxes, no fat chicks.

See what I mean?

Okay. You keep the counter.

Miles:
and we're live in five,
four, three, two...

Miller! Talk!

Good evening.

For your information tonight,
we are coming to you live

From the red robin diner
in goshen, wisconsin--

A tiny hamlet located
on the back roads

Of the campaign trail.

Goshen is a quiet town...

Beverly:
lou, I need some
fries with gravy!

...untouched by big-time
politics or big-time media

But a place where real people
are sorting through real issues

To help determine
who will be the next president.

Man:
who's got the key
to the bathroom?

Murphy?

Murphy?
Who the hell is murphy?

Thank you, miller.

I'm here with beverly dixon,
a single mother of two

And a waitress
here in goshen.

Beverly, one of the key issues
in the campaign

Is welfare policy
in this country.

Now, as a registered republican,
how do you feel

About the welfare system
and the efforts to dismantle it?

I say welfare is
no fair for america.

What?

Hard-working americans

Shouldn't support
hardly working americans.

I'm a little thrown here.

What about what you told me

About the government
providing a safety net

And there being no easy answers?

Well, I had a nice little talk

With mr. Buchanan's
representative

And he explained to me

That wasn't really
what I meant.

Yes. Well, back to you, miller.

Corky sherwood
will give us a sense

Of where goshen as a town
might be leaning. Corky?

Miller, I'm with the
red robin regulars

Who have been eating
in this diner

Every wednesday night
for the past years.

How about it, guys?
Who you for?

We're pretty much
undecided at the moment.

Do your views reflect how
the rest of the town feels?

I don't know.
I guess so.

I'd like to point out
that our polls show

That fighting pat buchanan

Enjoys % support
here in goshen.

I guess we'll be taking
a closer look at that buchanan.

Our polls show
senator dole

With % support
in goshen.

Maybe we'd better
look at dole then.

What if you knew

That dole helped export
american jobs overseas?

I didn't know that.

Buchanan had white
supremacists on his staff.

Dole is not
a true conservative.

Buchanan is a
dangerous extremist,

Excuse me, but I think we've
certainly been presented

With enough
valuable information here.

So, has any of this
helped you figure out

Who you want
to vote for?

Yeah. Clinton.

Okay.

Thank you, corky.

Goshen is a town
made up of individuals

With unique opinions,
and frank fontana has found

One of the town's more
independent citizens

To share his thoughts
with us tonight.

Frank.

Thank you, miller.

I'm standing here with a man

Who doesn't speak
loudly or often

But when he does, he...

Well, frank, I'm really

Sort of a regular joe
q. Public, you know?

I live your typical ozzie
& harriet lifestyle--

You know, with the wife,
the dog, the . Kids.

Yep, that's me-- your
average working stiff

With middle-of-the-road,
middle-class values.

Is that so?

Well, tell us, george

Who are you voting for
in this upcoming primary?

Mr. Bob dole.

Really? You just told me
a little while ago

You were going to be making
a protest vote

For morry taylor.

Whoops, that's right.

I was supposed to be cnn's
bob dole supporter.

They already had
a guy for taylor.

Let me get this straight.

You'd say just about anything

Just so you could get
on tv, is that it?

Oh, I never wished
I was invisible

More than I do right now.

Hi, mom.

Miller.

And now to find out
where people stand

On the various issues,
let's check back with murphy.

Murphy,
what have you got for us?

I was supposed to be here
with ricky the busboy

But I can't seem
to find him.

Ricky's talking to abc,
but perhaps I can help you.

I'm with
lamar alexander's campaign

The only real moderate,
and we think...

I prefer to talk...

To the only man concerned
about god and america.

I'd rather talk to
someone not affiliated...

With an extremist,
right-wing crazy man?

We're the ones
you want to talk to.

Bob dole-- experienced
leadership you can trust

And he's not insane.

No, murphy,
lamar alexander.

He's the only
candidate with vision

And he won't
die on you.

(All talking at once)

...what american people
need to hear.

Hey, folks,
that was really fun.

So, uh, when
does this air?

We're a live show.

Oh.

What night is that?

It was tonight.

Oh.

Hey, abc.

What night does
your show air?

Oh, man.

What a nightmare.

I'll say.

What happened
here?

I don't know. I really thought
tonight would be different.

I thought we had a chance
to do a campaign story

That wasn't manufactured

But if you can't get that
in goshen, wisconsin...

I know. Wherever you
go now, it's all about

Sound bites
and photo ops.

And nobody wants to take
responsibility for it.

We blame the politicians.

The politicians
blame the media.

The truth is,
we're all guilty.

That's true.
Remember in ' ?

Dukakis sits in a t*nk
with a helmet on his head

Because we're there
with cameras.

And because dukakis
sits in a t*nk

With a helmet on his head,
we take pictures.

Then dukakis
loses the election

Because he looks
like a moron

Sitting in
a stupid t*nk

With a stupid helmet
on his head.

What does any
of it have to do

With who should
be president?

I'm depressed.

We're all depressed, miller.

Really?

So you guys missed out

On lou's lip-smacking
cherry pie, too, huh?

Hello, everyone.

Frank and corky:
hi, jim.

How'd you know
we'd still be here?

Word spread pretty fast

That fyi
was broadcasting from goshen.

In fact, before you knew it,
madison was a ghost town.

But when the dust settled,
my little one-horse outfit

Was left alone
with one doozy of a story.

Is that right?

Yeah. With the politicians
and the glare of the lights gone

We had no choice but
to concentrate on the people.

It might not have been
the obvious campaign story

Viewers are used to seeing

But maybe that's because we
haven't been showing it to them.

Todd locked his keys
inside the van

While it was running

And it's going
around in circles.

I'll be right there.

His shirt got caught
and he's sort of being dragged.

I'd better see to this.

Good-bye, all.

Hey, guys, good news.

The bus is fixed.

Finally.

Hey, murph,
let me borrow

That pen
the dornan people gave you.

Sure, frank.

Knock yourself out.

And as the long night
drew to a close

The intrepid reporter
resumed his quixotic journey...

Give me back
the pen, frank.

I think it's
kind of pretty.
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