05x01 - Dishpan Man

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The A-Team". Aired: January 23, 1983 – March 8, 1987.*
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Four former members of a fictitious United States Army Special Forces team were tried by court martial for a crime they had not committed.
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05x01 - Dishpan Man

Post by bunniefuu »

Is this it?

Yes, sir.

The profile is
coming up on the computer.

Able Six reports
he can drop on him any time.

No. Tell Able Six to wait.
I want to do it my way.

Now, Frank, the smoke you see
indicates that it's burning.

I'm on fire. Now, put a little
water on it, would you, please?

- What happened to this guy?
- Can you hear me, Frank?

We were doing a scene.

Did you hear me?
A little water.

I'm the special effects guy
in this movie

and I had the whole cave
rigged with charges

and he starts acting in there
while charges are going off.

Acting? Will you please get me out of here?
My shoulder is burning.

I can't, pal.
The zipper's melted.

Zipper? Water.

Water on the shoulder.
It's burning me now.

Now, listen
to what I'm saying, Doc.

Give me a little air
up in the face mask.

- Never mind the rest.
- Scalpel.

It's not open heart surgery.
Not down there.

Up...

He was supposed to gallop
through there on the double.

I had 3F powder all over,
tied to six dishpans.

Yeah, listen, Lucille.
You tell wardrobe

that they're cutting the clown right out
of the suit right now. You understand?

Yeah. Now we're gonna
need it reconditioned,

ready to work
in the morning, okay?

He's in there doing the
death scene from Macbeth

while I got canisters going off.
- That's great.

Hey, hey. Wait a second. Hold it
there. Hold it, pal. Hold it. Hold it.

I'm the producer.
This is my property.

What kind of condition is it in?

Is anyone interested
in Juanito's condition?

I'd recommend that this man stay here
for observation, at least until tomorrow.

Yeah. Right.

Okay, pal, now I want you to
stay right here in the hospital,

because I don't want
no insurance beef here, okay?

I'm sorry, Johnny. But, you know,
I told you to keep it moving.

I called you three times,
Mr. Rubinick,

about the way the director's
interpreting this role.

Well, yeah. I've been on
location, you know what I mean?

- Couple of other sh*ts...
- Certainly.

I have a statement here
of indemnification

and basically what it says

is that you hold the producer
innocent of any injuries incurred.

Come on over here,
will you, Frankie?

Certainly. See, the way I see
the background of the character,

that the Id was conceived
on an ice floe in Antarctica.

Ice floe? Ice floe in
Antarctica? That's very good.

Okay, sign over here.
That's very good thinking.

And when he wakes up
in Los Angeles...

Mmm-hmm.

...in a chili cook-out,
naturally, he's confused.

Well, confusion is very important
for the conflict of the movie.

- Exactly!
- Sign over here, please.

Exactly.

That is the central
characteristic

I'd like to play in this role, Mr. Rubinick.
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

- Well, that's the important essential...
- Confusion.

Confusion.
Very, very big.

Sign right here.

Well, it's a basic emotion.

I mean, it's like...
It's like love.

It's like hate.

Okay. b*at it, Frankie.

It's like jealousy. Lust.

Oh, lust. That's very good. I
like that. Lust. Very important.

Well, I'm history, pal.
I got fired.

If you hadn't been in there
doing Camille,

I'd still have a job.
You owe me one, Johnny.

Oh, I'm sorry, Frank.

- I had such a good way to go.
- Yeah.

Sorry, wrong room.

Oh, no, it's okay.
Frank's with the picture.

Face, B.A.,

I'd like you to meet
"Dishpan" Frankie Santana.

The best special effects man
in Hollywood.

This the dude
who blew you up, Hannibal?

Who are you, the labor rep
from the Jewelry Mart?

I like him,
he's got a reckless streak.

Sorry, Hannibal.
Would've been here sooner,

but there's something wrong
with my car.

Brakes or carbs?
Those are your weak spots.

Now that you mention it,
it's brakes.

You got a brake line comes
out of the wheel mount, see.

It loops under the tie rods.

So, what you do, is you get
this guy with the feather earring

to pump it for you
a couple of times

while you get it wired up to
the frame with number nine wire.

What you're getting is a little
air bubble in the line, that's all.

Take you 10 seconds to fix it.

Oh, thanks.

The guy
with the feathered earrings?

Hey, oh, no offense, pal. I
mean, to each his own, right?

But I couldn't help noticing
you got a heap of gold there.

I mean, that's a lot
for most people.

How are you cleaning this stuff?

Oh, I bet you're using that
nasty metal goop out there, right?

Dip it in, wipe it off. Probably
takes you a couple of hours.

You wind up
not getting it all off.

Gets all over those nice,
clean fatigues, am I right?

- Yeah. Well...
- You ever tried a microwave?

- A microwave?
- A microwave. Yeah.

Okay. See, what you do is,
you take your gold off, right?

You dip it in cooking oil,
stick it in the microwave,

cook it for 15 minutes.
Then you take it out.

Now be careful, 'cause that oil
is going to be real hot. Okay?

Then you wash it in cold water.
Doesn't have to be that cold.

Regular room temperature's fine.
Then you wipe it with a clean rag.

Well, guys, I'd love to stay
and schmooze with you

but I got to go
hunt up a new job.

So, here's my business card.

I can ever be of any help to
you guys, just give me a call.

I'll see you around.

Hey, and between you and me,

your death scene was brilliant.

Even though I really couldn't
see through the smoke and all,

but I could tell.
I could feel it.

You were hot.
You were cooking.

Thanks, pal.

Oh, and I think
that idea of yours

about the Id leaving her eggs in her
cave, that was like close to genius.

I mean, it was that close.

Oh, get this stuff cleaned, huh?

Guy uses up a lot of oxygen.

But he's a great
special effects man.

We temporarily disrupt this
program for a special announcement.

We have just been notified that Air
Madrid Flight 387 has been h*jacked,

and forced to land in Barcelona.

The t*rror1st apparently
boarded in Seville

and managed
to elude metal detectors

by using plastic expl*sives
and weapons.

The plane is reportedly
carrying six Americans.

The t*rrorists are
demanding the release

of 10 prisoners being held
in a Spanish prison.

Updates as they occur.

This is Able Three
to Mother on channel 119,

switch to 114 scrambled.

Posse left.
The Big Bird is home alone.

Tell Able Four to move in.

Wake him.

You'll be dizzy for a few minutes,
possibly a little nauseous,

but there will be
no long-lasting effects.

Where are we?

On my private airplane. I came out from
Washington specifically for this meeting.

I had been briefed that you
were involved with filmmaking.

I had several operatives
working on various film sets.

When I needed you,
I knew where to find you.

Feels like a spook operation.

Well, I'm not officially
attached to anybody,

but seems there's always
something for me to do.

I work inside the system.

I keep my skirts clean.

I'm a dedicated
American patriot.

You're also a little pompous.

Four hours ago, a Spanish
airliner was taken by t*rrorists,

currently on the ground
on the runway in Barcelona.

Yeah. I saw it on TV.

There is a man on that airplane

that is very important to me

and, I think, to you.

Apparently, your last mission in Vietnam
was given to you by a Colonel Morrison.

You committed a crime,
so you say, on his orders,

but he d*ed
and could not confirm it.

My understanding is there was
one other man in that office

when the orders were given.

Captain Curtis.

But he d*ed with Morrison
when Headquarters was hit.

We think not. We think
Captain Curtis is the passenger

in seat 4-G
on that airliner in Barcelona.

Captain Josh Curtis,
presumed dead,

and currently stranded
on Flight 387 in Barcelona.

I'll be damned.

Most probably.

The U.S. Government can't conduct
covert operations in Spain.

However, the A-Team, being a
fugitive group for that government,

might get in there and get
Captain Curtis off the plane.

If you fail, we won't even
ask for your bodies back,

but if you succeed, well,

this man could clear you of
all the charges against you.

What do you want with him?

My customer wants him back.

So, the United States
government,

after chasing me since 1972
and finally catching me,

is going to simply
just turn me loose

and send me into Spain
with a pat on the back?

To be totally honest with you,
Colonel,

you are what I consider
a low-grade annoyance.

You and your A-Team kick up
some embarrassing headlines,

make some staff officers
look woefully inept,

but aside from that,
you amount to nothing.

Say I get Captain Curtis
for you, what then?

Well, if he supports your claim

that you were on a government mission
when you robbed the bank in Hanoi,

you and your men are free.
All charges are dropped.

Okay. It's been fun.

Give me a number and I'll
call you and let you know.

I want your answer now.

And if you say no,

you will go with me
back to Langley, Virginia,

where you will be put on trial
and most likely ex*cuted.

Well, I don't work alone. And
I can't speak for the others.

But you can try
and influence them.

Now, all I need
is your commitment.

Colonel,

do it my way.

Okay. For now.

I said they stay down.

Disobey me again and you will
be the first to be sacrificed.

Fradeen, come here quick!

Are you trying to get us k*lled?

What difference does it make?

If we're late for that arms shipment
to LoBianca, we're dead anyway.

You will listen to me,
all of you!

If you attempt
to do this one more time,

I will k*ll all of them.
All the hostages!

And I will start with her.

Trouble parking, Lieutenant?

Hannibal was kidnapped.

Never mind that.
Did you see what happened?

Did you see
what that guy did to me?

Who is this guy,
Frankie Santana?

Oh, we've got
bigger problems, Face.

What's going on, Hannibal?

Who is this guy who kidnapped
you from the hospital?

I don't know. My instinct tells me
he's a commander from the covert side.

He could sell us out and
bury us, set us up, clear us.

It could go any way.

He says Captain Curtis is alive.

- Curtis is alive?
- Mmm.

Wait a minute. Then he could testify that
we hit that bank in Hanoi under orders.

Yeah. Then we'd be free
to be normal people.

No offense, Murdock.

None taken.

I don't like this guy.

But I think it's the best
chance we're gonna get.

How you know he ain't lying,
Hannibal? Maybe Curtis is dead.

I saw a videotape of Curtis
in the Barcelona airport.

He's older and grayer, but
he looks like the same guy.

Now, not only is this gonna be a
covert operation in a foreign country,

we're gonna be working for a guy I
wouldn't trust to take out the garbage.

So I wanna take a vote.

Face?

Yeah. Let's do it.

B.A.?

Yeah.

Murdock?

Let her rip.

Hannibal, just one question.

How are we gonna get onboard an
airplane controlled by t*rrorists?

Effects.

What's going on out here?

These guys over by the plane,
they got g*ns, submachine g*ns.

How you doing, bro?

Oh, somebody overcooked
the spaghetti.

It ain't spaghetti, fool,
it's my gold.

I put it in the microwave with oil
like you said, and now it's ruined.

Is this 18 karat or 14 karat?

It's 18 karat, fool. I don't
buy nothing but the best.

You should have told me, bro.

See, your 18 karat
is very soft metal.

You don't use a microwave
with 18 karat.

You use a saucepan
over very low fire.

Cooking oil,
you cut it with water,

then you let it simmer
for about 10, 15 seconds tops.

Hey, sucker,
who you take me for?

Big, strong person.

B.A.

Now leave Frankie alone.

He's our passport
aboard that Spanish airliner.

He's our what?

Yeah, well, he does talk
a little bit too much,

but he can make miracles
with special effects,

and that's the way I'm
gonna get us on that plane.

B.A., come with me.

Hey, I couldn't help noticing that
jacket is beginning to dry out and cr*ck.

You ever try tanning butter?

Only on pancakes,
and it tastes pretty yucky.

Huh?

But it did turn my tongue
a nice shade of brown.

Who is he?

Well, when we get on a plane,
you can sit next to him.

And if you figure him out,
let us know.

- Plane?
- Plane.

- Plane.
- But you guys don't...

That was good.
That was unique.

Maybe later
you can explain it to me.

These guys are kind of brittle.

The good-looking one...

Me?

The good-looking one.

My bet is he used bailing wire instead
of number nine on the brake cable.

See, it'll crimp it,
cuts off the hydraulic fluid.

Yeah, that might be a good bet.

Because Faceman, he's about
as mechanically inclined

as a cage full of hamsters.

I, on the other hand,
I only use bailing wire

to bail out boats full of water

and that's only when there is
no bailing bucket available.

The smoking light was lit.

Are you okay?

That has never satisfactorily
been determined.

The following update
on Operation Lame Eagle

includes satellite surveillance,
metered orbit geosynchronous 0900 hours.

Approximate airliner position, 10
meters from the end of the runway.

Prevailing winds, constant
east-southeast at 10 knots.

Fuel, ratios diminishing

as starboard engines have been
running to power the air conditioning.

t*rror1st complement is updated,
current estimate is 10 men.

Pilots have been unable to
contact tower at regular intervals.

Spanish guards have taken up
secondary positions on tarmac.

Welcome to Empress Flight One.

You will be updated by these
briefings as they occur.

Now, this is a two-way
communication system.

I can see you
as well as hear you.

And I'm delighted to have the famous
A-Team involved in this mission.

The A-Team?

My name is General Hunt Stockwell,
which is a matter of little importance.

However, I feel that you should be
informed of whom you're working for.

Two things.
We're working for ourselves

and generals don't usually wear
Brooks Brothers suits on duty.

Adequate observations.
I am a retired general,

and you will find
a scrambler communication unit

in that drawer next to
your right arm, Colonel.

It will allow you to keep in
touch with me at all times.

It is monitored on channel 117.

I already found it.

Your call letters will be
Empress 7 through 12.

And again allow me to say
how delighted I am

to have you engaged
in this operation.

Once you have achieved the
objective, please notify me,

and we will have immediate
pick-ups made available.

What do you want with Captain
Curtis? You said you had your reasons.

They will remain mine.

A real confidence builder.

Mmm.

Here, stick this in your...

Knapsack. Right.

Get B.A. ready.

Okay, out.

Wait. Did you
pull his cord?

No.

Oh!

I don't like to fly.

And I don't like being pushed
out of no airplane.

All right, Sergeant,
this is a field operation.

Come on,
let's get these chutes buried.

Here you go, I'll take them.

There's a dry riverbed
back there.

That's it,
just lay it right there.

Okay, the airfield
should be over there.

Come on, B.A.,
we'll handle recon.

You know, I think that big,
angry guy is getting worse.

Yeah? Terrific.

Yeah.

Empress 12 to Mother.

Switch to 117 scrambled.

Yeah. Anybody there?

Welcome to my world,
Mr. Santana.

I'm on the ground. They're
getting ready to make their strike.

Good. Have you planted
the communication devices?

You get a bite?

No.

Maybe you ought to try whistling
that tune you used at Crystal Lake.

No. No.

Why not?

I can't get my lips
to stay together.

Huh.

So, that airliner
is on that field,

about a quarter mile
over there, huh?

Yep.

And you guys really are
the A-Team?

Nauseating, isn't it?

It's just hard to believe

The Monster Masher, the Id,

the old Aquamaniac, is really
the head of the famous A-Team.

That's gonna be tough. Our
only chance will be at night.

You really think you can
pull this off, Hannibal?

Faith, Sergeant. Have faith.

Uh-oh.

Let's go. Move.

Come on. Out. Quickly.

That's bad. Let's go.

Okay, guys, we got to move.
They're splitting up the hostages.

I was afraid they might try
something like this.

Now we can't make a move on the
plane until we rescue those people.

Right.

We'll need the weapons.
Lieutenant, get us a vehicle.

What? Wait a minute, where
am I gonna find a vehicle?

Go, Lieutenant.

Here. Meet us on the road.
We'll try and keep in sight.

Right.

Colonel, I can track them
from the air.

From the air?

Man's crazy.

Follow me.

Lately, I've been packing a
helicopter with my underwear.

A helicopter?

Where you get this thing from?

Put it together
at the pipe shop, V.A.

Frankie,

you can stay
with the stuff if you want.

Are you kidding?

Fradeen, we're being followed.

Hi. Welcome to Spain.

I'm with
the Chamber of Commerce.

I got brochures,
pamphlets, soap,

and before you sh*t it out of
my hand, a yummy basket of fruit!

You guys...

You guys couldn't have known, but
you picked the wrong man to terrorize.

I mean, I'm filled
with such indecision,

such a downright
honest confusion,

you're never gonna get through
that wall of white noise in my head.

I mean, in the words of one
of America's great poets...

♪ You load 16 tons ♪
♪ and what do you get? ♪

♪ Another day older ♪
♪ and deeper in debt ♪

♪ Saint Peter, don't you call me ♪
♪ 'cause I can't go ♪

♪ I owe my soul ♪

♪ To the company store ♪

♪ I was born one morning ♪
♪ when the sun didn't shine ♪

I think what the old
pea-picker was trying to say was

no matter how much
you're paying now,

unless you're getting enough
back in goods and services,

you're gonna end up in debt.

Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?

k*ll him. He's a fool.

Oh, yeah, k*ll the fool,
k*ll the fool.

You know that there are places in
this world where fools are worshipped,

like Hollywood, California.

All right, get it down,
get it down.

Where were you guys? I was
running out of inanities.

That will never happen.

Face, come on.
B.A., get them tied up.

Got to get these people untied.

Give them a breather
and put them back in the van.

All right. Everybody out.
Everybody's okay.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Here you go, here you go.

Excuse me, señor,
I'm the co-pilot.

How do I thank you?
You have saved our lives.

Hannibal, what do you want me
to do with these guys over there?

Load them in the truck.

How many t*rrorists
are left on the plane?

Four.
All with a*t*matic weapons.

They split us up because the
passengers were becoming restless.

They thought by separating
the loved ones or friends,

they could keep
everyone in line.

Something strange, Hannibal.

What's that?

These guys don't have
no walkie-talkies.

They have no way to keep in
contact with the guys in the plane.

You better look again. They wouldn't
send them off without radios.

I looked, Hannibal.
They ain't got nothing.

If they don't have
walkie-talkies,

then they can't expect them
to come back.

They were gonna k*ll these
hostages, and then escape.

Yeah, that means the plane
could take off anytime.

Okay, let's go.
Face, you drive.

Señor, we appreciate
what you have done,

but there's no way
you can take that plane.

They have a*t*matic weapons.
People onboard will be k*lled.

The trick is to get Captain
Murdock aboard that plane.

We got to convince them
the plane can't take off

in a heavy fog
without a co-pilot.

But, my friend, we never get fog
here. Never. The air is too warm.

Not tonight. Tonight, you're
gonna have a cold front move in.

Tonight, there's gonna be a heavy bank
of fog around here. Right, Frankie?

I'm gonna fog that sucker in
so they can't see 20 feet.

Colonel, they say to move
the vehicles.

They've decided to move
the airplane to Gava.

They want the aircraft
refueled immediately.

Well, you wanna take a chance with
me or you wanna go your own way?

Are you sure you can do this?

I think we can get onboard
that plane in 20 seconds.

If we do it right, it'll be the
one time they couldn't expect it.

Okay, it is done.

Radio the plane. Tell them the fuel
truck will be out on the field in...

10 or 15 minutes.

...15 minutes. Vamos.

Tower to Air Madrid.

The petrol truck will be here
in 15 minutes.

No, no, no. I think
they're gonna pull it off.

There's a colonel down here,
a Colonel Morales,

and he seems to be going
Hannibal's way.

Good, boy,
you're doing just fine.

And you're gonna
keep your promise, right?

I ought to bury you
right here, compadre.

You got a lot of explaining
to do and no time to do it in.

I figure you'll be
on the jet in an hour.

You know, we got to be out
of here by tomorrow morning.

Where's the other one, Frank?

Murdock's jacket.
Behind the collar.

What? No.

Oh, man!

Over.

Out.

Why did you do it?

Look, Hannibal, I had to.

My father's in a nursing home.

The government stopped
his pension checks.

Stockwell said
if I didn't work for him,

the checks would just be
lost forever.

I had to do this for my father.

I should've known Stockwell
would take out insurance.

Now we need him, but nobody
take their eyes off him.

Yeah. Leave him to me.

Okay, let's get
this thing moving.

The petrol truck is not here.

Here it comes.

The wind seems to be
real light tonight.

We start from the back
and move towards the front.

You better not mess up, man,
or I'm gonna press you flat.

I'm sorry.

Really.

What is going on?

What is this?

Looks like fog rolling in.

Fog? Here?
How could this be?

I don't know.
A cold front of some kind.

What is it?

What is happening?

It is very...

How do you say?
Not very unusual...

We are having,
from time to time, fog.

I want to leave immediately!

Not without the co-pilot
to watch the equipment

because we are zero-zero,
hombre.

It is true.

I need someone to monitor for me
the transponder and power systems.

I can't see the runway anymore.

Tell him to send out
the co-pilot.

Tell him we want no more fuel.

We are leaving immediately.
Now!

He says no more fuel. We are
leaving. Send the co-pilot.

Okey-dokey.

Hannibal, I'm on my way.

Nasty bit of weather outside.

Isn't it? Yes.

All right,
let's get this baby up.

How? I can't see anything.

Right. Right.

Tower? Tower?

I think we need
the field fog lights, please.

Here goes.

Field fog lights, please.

Okay, let's go.
Let's go now.

All right.
Let's get moving.

All right, tower,
we are beginning our jump.

I know this is a bit unusual,
but it is the new RAF fog regs.

That's good.
Good power setting.

You. You better get
your men buckled up.

Buckle up.

V1, rotate.

Well, you better get buckled
up. I'm almost at full power.

Now, B.A.

Mmm-hmm.

What is this?

What's going on out here?

Don't move, or I'll k*ll him.

Let me out! Let me out!

I remember you guys.

You're the A-Team.

Boy, is that music to our ears.

I'll take these men with me. We
have a very nice jail for them.

I'm glad it worked out.

You know, my friends and I are gonna
go over to the lounge for a drink.

We thought maybe
you'd care to join us.

No, thanks.
I got some other plans.

I got some phone calls to make,
that kind of stuff, you know.

The man asked you to join us.

Yeah. Well...

Yeah, why not? Sure. The least
I can do for an old Army buddy.

Good show.

Actually, fellas, I really
shouldn't be... You know, I got...

The man said, "Come on."

Friend of yours?

No, no, he was just sitting
next to me on the plane.

Hey, we got to move. Stockwell
could be here any minute.

Right. You guys working
for Hunt Stockwell?

That depends how cooperative
you're gonna be, pal. Get in.

Now, look, fellas,
I can clear you.

Look, I was in the HQ when
Morrison gave you that order.

It's just that Stockwell is a man
I'd just as soon stay away from.

You know, Colonel,
I like this place

'cause all the chickens
have their own room.

But they won't let me in to
get the eggs and I'm hungry.

I think I should go
rustle us up some grub.

Hmm. Good idea, Captain.
Go get it.

Now,

the best way to handle this
is to keep Stockwell out of it.

We let him in
and the roof could fall on us.

Look, I promise,
I'll clear you guys.

We'll go the provost marshal
here in Spain.

They'll have one at the embassy.

I'll make a statement, you'll witness
it, and we'll have it notarized.

Uh-uh. There's got to be
a hearing.

This is a very old case.

Look, I'll cooperate. I just don't
want Stockwell to know where I am. I...

I think he may want to k*ll me.

Josh, how is the g*n-running
business? Make any big sales lately?

Hello, Hunt.

I was waiting for your call. Did
you lose your little communicator?

I knew I forgot something.

Well, I hope Mr. Curtis sees
fit to testify on your behalf.

I don't think so, General.

These gentlemen just
brought me here to k*ll me.

Really? Why would they want
to do that?

Because I saw them
k*ll Colonel Morrison.

I saw them sh**t him 40 minutes
before the HQ was shelled.

I was hiding in the back.

Well, I'm afraid I'm going to
have to break my promise, Colonel.

You wouldn't want me
harboring murderers, would you?
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