04x08 - J.J.'s New Career: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You feel free ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
Out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Scratching And surviving ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Hanging in A chow line ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪

ANNOUNCER: Now
for the conclusion

of "J.J.'s New Career."

All right, J.J., get
outta my room now.

I gotta get dressed,
too, you know.

J.J.: In a minute, Thelma.

Look, you been in
there an hour already.

How long does it take
to cover those bones?

Relax, Thelma.

J.J.'s new job is
very important to him.

He's only trying to look good.

Ma, I got no time for miracles.

And Michael, I need
the bathroom, too.

Thelma, here's your makeup.

Put it on out there.

Oh, that's great,

and what am I supposed
to put it on with?

Very cute.

Hey, hey.

[YELLING] J.J.,
get out of my room!

If you'd leave him
alone, he'll get out sooner.

He can't just put
on any old clothes

to go to work in an
advertising agency.

Why not?

He only works in
the art department.

Oh, Thelma. You
should be proud of J.J.

He's turned out to be

the biggest
breadwinner of us all.

Yeah, and he'll
never let us forget it.

Well, well, well.

Just putting the
finishing touches

on the finishing touches.

Yeah, just look at him.

All tan and tacky.

Thelma, a lot you
know about clothes.

I'll have you know

this is the style of the future.

Oh, if you're talking
about science fiction,

you're right.

Hey, Thelma,

this is a new
international look.

This happens to be my
international ensemble.

Combined here

is the tasteful
understatement of the English,

the elegant flair of the French,

and the electric
boogie-down of Harlem.

Oh, J.J., you look
absolutely beautiful.

Say that again, Ma,

and the truth
shall set you free.

My son, the big businessman.

Well, let's face it, Ma.

Some people got it,

and some people ain't got it.

And some people are full of it.

Now, Thelma, that's enough.

What do you want
for breakfast, J.J.?

Aw, nothing, Ma.

I got a high-level
business lunch today,

and I want to save room
for the Egg McMuffin.

Michael, my
attaché case, please.

Hey, J.J., this
is a beauty, man.

It sure is, but it
looks expensive.

Is that real leather?

Let me put it to
you this way, Ma.

If it was any more real,
you'd have to milk it.

[IMITATES COW MOOING]

J.J., you'd better be careful

how much money you're spending.

Don't worry, Ma,
I got a good job.

Yeah, it's almost too good.

They sure are paying
you a lot of money

for somebody with no experience.

[CLEARS THROAT] Uh, well,

uh, I guess it's getting
a little late here, Ma.

Are you ready to go?

Oh, sure.

I'd like to show you off

to those women at the bus stop.

Well, well, well.

Let's get on our way, then.

Shall we?

Okay.

Well, as we say in the ad game,

let's put it on the bus

and see if it gets
off at the loop.

All right, then, let's
see, that was, uh,

35 bucks on Solid Greens to win.

Right?

Right. You got it. Later.

Hey, here, man,
now count the 50s.

Hey, with pleasure,
with pleasure.

One General Grant,
two General Grant,

three General Grant...

George, what you doing in here?

You know, it takes 50 of you
to make one General Grant.

No wonder you could
only afford wooden teeth.

There you go, Leon.

All right.

Hey, Ernie, we got
close to $3800 here.

Hey, uh, Leon,

I know what we doing is illegal,

but it ain't that bad, is it?

Of course not.

I mean, we don't hurt anybody.

I mean, the state runs
lotteries, don't they?

And that's gambling,
so why can't we?

Hey, that's what

free enterprise is all about.

Sure. ERNIE: Hey, Leon,

it's almost 3:00,
man. We gotta split.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I forgot.

Hey, J.J, we gotta go talk
to a few, um, policy runners.

Think you can handle the phones?

Ha! Does Jimmy
Carter have teeth?

All right.

Right. We'll be back
as soon as we can, huh?

All right.

Let's go, Leon.

Have no fear.

Wherever you go,

Brother J shall come through

win, place, or show.

All right.

Take it slow.

Okay, later on.

Well, well, well.

Alone at last.

Boy, with this
high pile in here,

this is something else.

Feet, enjoy yourselves.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Ah, the telephon-o.

Yello.

Yeah, $20 on Steel Beauty?

Yeah, he's a
long sh*t, all right.

He ain't even in the race.

Yeah, he been scratched.

I don't know why.

Maybe he came
down with the swine flu.

[SECOND TELEPHONE RINGS]

All right, got you.

On the nose.

Yello.

Yeah, 50 bucks on Yellow Angel?

Yeah. Oh, definitely.

He goes off at 10 to one.

Yeah, that's too bad,

because other horses
leave at a quarter to one.

[FIRST TELEPHONE RINGS]

All right, got it.

Fifty on the head.

Yello.

Yeah.

Three No Starch.

Wash Their Buttons.

Pick It Up on Thursday.

Wait a minute, these
horses ain't in the race.

No, man,

this ain't Wong Long Fat's
Chinese Hand Laundry.

Hold it right there.
This is a bust.

A bust!

Don't you play dumb with me.

Up against the wall. Spread 'em.

I'm telling you, you
got the wrong man.

And you got the wrong cook.

When was the last time you ate?

J.J.'s swallowing
the whole thing,

hook, line, and sinker.

Yeah, and old Fred's
putting on a great act, too.

I'm telling you, I ain't never

been in this apartment
before in my life.

Then what are you
doing here now?

Uh, I was making a delivery

for a takeout joint.

In a suit?

It's a very fancy joint.

Even got an unlisted
telephone number.

There's nobody here.
Where's the food?

Or, uh... I ate it.

And that's when you
took your shoes off.

Had to.

Japanese restaurant.

I'd have to be a total imbecile

to believe that story.

It would help.

You can cool the
tap-dancing shtick, man.

I've got you nailed
for gambling.

Fact is, this might be a
bigger collar than I thought.

Weren't you hooked up

with Bubba Jones'
floating crap game?

Wait a minute.

I don't even know
any Bubba Jones,

and I ain't floated nothing

since my rubber duck drowned.

I know I've seen
your face before.

That's it.

The armored car job in '63.

'63?

I was only seven years old then.

Started young, huh?

I wanna talk to Kojak.

Wait a minute.

I've got it.

Boy, have I got it. This'll
make me Chief of Police.

Now I know what you did.

What did I do?

Where were you the night
they broke into Watergate?

Watergate?

[SCREAMS] Ma!

Fred, Fred, you gotta stop.

I can't stand anymore.

Fred? You know him?

He's a friend, man.

You've been put on.

But, but... he had a badge.

It was real.

Ah, but he's in our pocket.

[FORCED LAUGH]

Why, I knew it was
a joke all the time.

Look here, J.J.

We've had a pretty
big week this week,

you know, and, um,

you've been a good brother

about this whole thing, so...

Why don't you take
this little bonus here.

Go on, home.

Well, it ain't hardly
little, but I'll take it.

Do you guys think

you can handle the operation

without me around?

Well, we'll try.

All right, then. Cherry-ho.

Okay.

Hey, uh, speaking of bonuses,

I think it's time for
your weekly contribution

to my personal
benevolent association.

Always glad to contribute.

Hey.

This bread was okay

when you guys were
just into gambling,

but now that you're into
chicks and dope, too...

I feel benevolent already.

Hey, uh, this new kid,

he doesn't know about
the heavy stuff, does he?

LEON: J.J.?

Yeah, he just thinks
we're into gambling.

Don't let him sniff too close.

Right.

Later.

Well... Ho, ho, ho,
and Merry Christmas

from your ebony Santa Claus.

Here you go, Michael.

Hey, J.J., what's this?

Just open it, man.

Here you go, Thelma. Ah!

And don't worry, Ma.
Yours is on the way.

J.J., what's going on?

Hey, Ma, is it against the law

for a man to buy presents
for his loved ones...

Or Thelma?

Hey, this is just
like Christmas.

Oh, Ma, look. A clock radio.

Yeah, Thelma, it's AM and FM,

and I got it with that
special shatterproof glass,

since your face is gonna be

the first thing it
sees in the morning.

Oh, wow, The Encyclopedia
of Black History.

Yeah, Michael, from A to Z.

From Hank Aaron to the Zulus.

MICHAEL: Hey, thanks, J.J.

Yeah. Thank you, J.J.

Hey, it ain't no big deal.

Well, I gotta go wash
up, so enjoy, enjoy.

Hey, Thelma, let
me see your clock.

Hey, Ma, you don't seem

very excited about all this.

Well, I'm just

a little bit worried, Thelma.

I mean,

where is J.J.
getting all this cash?

Oh, what am I saying?

He's a talented boy,

and that talent is
worth a lot to somebody.

But nobody starts
off in business

making that much money.

Oh, they probably gave
him a big cash advance.

But why in the world
would they do that?

Oh, I don't know why,
and what's the difference?

J.J. is working
hard, he's my son,

and I trust him.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I got it.

Yeah. Mrs. Florida Evans?

Yes?

Yeah, I have a present
here from Mr. J.J. Evans.

What?

Ooh, Ma.

Look at this!

Hey, Ma, this is outta sight.

Well, well, well.

I see it finally got here.

You know, Ma, this the
best set in the whole store.

It's got that special
remote control.

You can change
channels in the living room

while you're changing
clothes in the bedroom.

How you like it?

All right, J.J.

Where the devil

did you really get
all this money?

What? You heard what I said.

Uh, like I said, Ma,

from my advertising job.

And that's all you said.

Now, what's your company's name?

Uh, name, uh, company's name?

Yes, yes.

What do they have
on your paycheck?

Uh, "In God We Trust."

I get paid in cash.

An advertising
company with no name?

Who are your clients?

Well, uh, we get a lot of calls

from animal lovers.

J.J., quit stalling.

Are you doing something illegal?

Ma, it's not what you think.

All I do is take
a couple of bets

on horses and
numbers, that's all.

That's all?

That makes you nothing
more than a common hoodlum.

Hey, J.J., I don't
understand you.

Michael, we needed the money.

I had to do it.

What do you mean,
you had to do it?

A lot of people out of work

don't go into crime.

They just keep trying.

Come on, Ma, let's face it.

If they did a TV
show about our family,

they'd call it "Poor
Man, Poor Man"!

Ma, it's my fault, too.

J.J. did it so I wouldn't have
to quit school to go to work.

Quit school?

Thelma, I'd take four jobs
before I'd let that happen.

And I still wouldn't take a dime

of your dirty money.

Dirty money?

Ma, everybody gambles.

Life is a gamble.

That's right, and right
now, yours sure is.

Ma, people have always gambled,

and they always will.

It's the world's second-
oldest profession.

What's the oldest?

You're too young to know.

Oh, that.

Ma, let's look at it this way.

I'm just providing
a public service

for all those poor,
unfortunate people

who can't get out to the races.

I bring the track to them.

Everything except the smell.

What about the smell

of those hoodlums
you hang around with?

J.J., you should
know better than that.

Don't you know that gambling

pays for everything
in organized crime,

from prostitution to dr*gs?

A part of every
dollar you take in

goes into some child's veins.

Aw, come on, Ma.

We're just a
small-time operation.

I ain't the Godfather!

I mean, what we do
is just a little illegal.

There's no such
thing as a little illegal.

That's like being
a little pregnant.

J.J... Think about
what you're doing

to the black community.

Gambling is a terrible image.

Oh, yeah, Michael? Well, I think

four people living in a
two-bedroom apartment

paying tomorrow's
prices for yesterday's food

is a worse image.

J.J., there are two
roads out of the ghetto.

So far, we have managed

to stay on the right road.

And that's what's taking
us so long to get out of here.

Look, Ma, name me
one dude in the projects

who got a future that
ain't in the rackets.

You, because you just resigned.

Oh, no, Ma. It's my way
out, and I'm gonna take it.

Then you can start
by getting out of here.

Oh, now, come on,
Ma. You're not being...

Ma, let's be reasonable.

And take these things with you.

Ma, you haven't even...

J.J., get the hell
out of my house!

Here's your breakfast.

Uh, Ma? Maybe I should
make the breakfast this morning.

What's the matter?

Don't you like the
way I make oatmeal?

Uh, sure I do.

It's just that I
like mine cooked.

You've got two hands.

Cook it.

You got any complaints?

No, Ma. I like mine dry.

Oh, Ma.

We just can't keep
on living like this.

Ever since J.J. left...
Ma, well, you've...

Well, you've been grouchy.

Grouchy?

Have I been grouchy?

I haven't noticed a thing.

Ma, why don't you see J.J,

or at least talk to him?

Not as long as he is a criminal.

Now, I've got to go to work.

And I don't wanna hear
another word about J.J.

Boy, I tell you.

I've never seen
Mama this mad before.

Yeah, how about last night

when she yelled at
me for a half hour?

That ain't nothing.

She yelled at me
for a whole hour.

Why?

For not paying attention

while she was yelling at you.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'll get it.

Well, something's gotta change.

J.J!

Is the coast clear?

Yeah, man, come on in.

Ooh, J.J., are we
glad to see you!

Yeah, you too. How's Ma?

Not too good.

Yeah, I tried calling, but
she wouldn't talk to me.

J.J., why don't you give
it up and come on home?

Well, look what I got for y'all.

Top round, bottom of round,

and the eye of round.

For the next month, y'all
gonna be drowned in round.

J.J., now you know

Mama won't let us keep
anything you bought.

Well, can't you
hide it in the freezer?

J.J., you know our freezer.

That's like trying to hide

Rosey Grier in a shoebox.

J.J., you didn't answer me.
Why don't you come home?

Yeah, man, we need you.

Hey, Thelma, it's only
till Ma comes around,

and then we can all
get out of here together.

Ma's not gonna come
around, and you know that.

Thelma, you know
I don't like doing this

any more than you all do,

but we gotta live.

J.J., we living now.

What you do is
just for yourself.

Hey, Michael,

it's only till I get
out on my own.

What's wrong with that?

Well, uh,

I guess I'd better
be going, then.

THELMA: J.J.?

Even though we don't
agree with what you're doing,

you know we still
love you, right?

Hey... That goes
without saying, you know.

But it's nice to hear anyway.

Ah... ha-ha!

Too much!

Too much!

[♪♪♪]

Well, Kool-Aid juleps
for your two lips.

Hey, J.J.,

where's The Spinners'
new album, man?

Oh, I was listening
to it in my bedroom.

You've got a stereo
in your bedroom, too?

Hey, it's standard equipment
with my heart-shaped waterbed.

Ooh!

J.J., I didn't...

I never seen your
heart-shaped bed before.

Yeah, neither has
any other chick

J.J.'s brought up here.

Saving it all for you, Mama.

Saving it all for you.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I'll get it.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hello?

You know, J.J.,

I don't know anybody
that lives this good.

You about the most
important person

I've ever met.

Have you ever met Isaac Hayes?

Uh-uh.

Well, then, maybe I am.

Right, right!

Okay, girls, come on.

The party's over. Let's go.

Get your stuff. Come on, baby.

Hey, wait a... Get your purses.

Hurry up.

Come on, baby. We got to go.

Wait... J.J., wait...
What is this, man?

Come on, let's go.

Hey, mama, call me.

My number's in the book!

What's going down?

Look, that was Fred, man.

We getting busted tonight.

Now, Leon, you know what to do.

You ain't gonna fool me with
this phony bust business again.

Look, this ain't no joke.
Here, get rid of that.

You ain't gonna fool me with
no little water p*stol, either,

because if this was a real
g*n, you could open it up,

and you'd see... b*ll*ts!

You ain't jiving.

I told you I wasn't.

This is a real bust.

Now you believe me?

Yeah. Bye.

Hey, where are you going?

Well, ever since I was a kid,

I've been allergic
to two things...

Chocolate and getting k*lled.

Look, you'll split when
we do. Get rid of that.

I don't know how
to get rid of no g*n.

Throw it out the window.

He meant an open window.

Well, it's open now.

Take that and dump
it down the disposal.

Wait a minute.
What is this stuff?

Drain cleaner.

No, it's not. It's dope!

You guys never told
me you were into dope.

Well, now you know, so dump it.

I want you to know I'm
dumping under protest.

[STARTS GARBAGE DISPOSAL]

Ernie, we gotta get out of here.

We don't know what
kind of time we've got.

Just keep cool. I'm almost done.

Police!

[g*nsh*t]

[POLICE OFFICERS YELLING]

Read him his rights downstairs.

Quite an operation
they had here.

Yeah, I'll say.

Find anything?

No. If anything was
here, it's gone now.

All right, let's
get out of here.

Hello, Ma?

Yes, J.J.?

I wanna come home.

It's your home, son.

Thanks, Ma.

♪ Mmm... ♪

♪ Just looking
Out of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good Times ♪♪