05x12 - Mitchell & Woods

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

You're late.

But not sorry.

And we're really
gonna be late

if we keep talking
to you guys.

You know, I remember
when they used to make sense.

Yeah, they're only carrying on
because it's their turn to pay.

Now, come on, ladies.
Don't cop out now.

How about copping out
on the grungy life

of a smog-breathing
traffic cop?

To the clean-living of a plain
but chic-clothed detective

because in about
42 minutes

Officer Paula Woods is
gonna be transformed

into Detective
Paula Woods.

Alongside of her partner,
Detective Melanie Mitchell

of the Ocean City
Police Department.

Our transfers
came through.

Hey, fantastic.

How could you
do that to us, huh?

Oh, after about riding
motors for about six years

and pounding on
the chief's desk for three years

and, uh, coming in one, two
on every exam that they have?

Very easy.

No, I mean how can you run out

on our coffee breaks?

Well, next time it's dinner
on us. We gotta move it.

Yeah, we gotta change
into our civilian gear.

Um...you guys do remember
what that is, don't you?

Oh, oh, yeah.
Thanks a lot.

We're gonna have
to take my car in

for all the official
accoutrements.

What's that mean?

I'm a detective, Ponch

not a dictionary.

Come on, Mitchell,
they're waiting for us.

Got it, Woods.

Hey, who is one
and who is two?

Oh, we'll never tell.

Watch out, Ocean City.

Here come Mitchell
and Woods.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[Melanie and Paula]
Mitchell and Woods. That's us.

[Paula]
Our first day on the job

started with us being late
to meet our new boss

Lieutenant Richards.

From there, it went
rapidly downhill.

How much time?

Uh, less than
three minutes.

Two minutes and fifty seconds,
if you're counting.

And if I'm not?

Forty-six, forty-five--

No problem, partner.

[car honking]

Sorry, but
we got here first.

- I noticed.
- Better luck next time.

Listen, it's
marvelous talking to you

but we've only got about two
minutes to go before we're late.

I think it's a little closer
to a minute and 45 seconds.

You are Mitchell and Woods.

Uh, yeah. I'm Paula Woods.

Melanie Mitchell.

You do know how to read?

Excuse me?

Oh, I might...if you can tell me

who that parking space
is reserved for.

- Uh..
- Oh, boy.

[car honks]

Detectives Mitchell
and Woods..

reporting
for duty, sir.

- These are for you, Woods.
- I'm Mitchell.

Yes. Now, I put these together
for you last evening.

It's a little bit
of yesterday's caseload

just waiting for solution.

Oh, we'll do
our best, sir.

You'll do better
than that.

These are your desks.
Any questions?

Well, is that it,
lieutenant?

You're qualified
for the job

you've been requesting it,
you got it.

Now start doing it,
Mitchell.

Woods.

But, uh,
I was expecting

'some type of
welcome aboard speech.'

But my mother always said
I was too sentimental.

Well, tell me, which speech
would you like to hear

the long one
or the short one?

Whichever one
you choose, chief.

One, I don't like
to be called "chief."

Two, I'm the youngest head of
a detective bureau in this city

because the people
who work for me solve cases

or don't work for me.

Three, congratulations.

[Paula]
'Someday I'd like to hear
the long version.'

You just did.

Uh, lieutenant?

You have a great smile.

This is Mitchell
and Woods.

I'll be with you
as soon as I finish..

...this one.

I open with two
grand theft auto, a robbery

and a felony wife-b*ating.

I'll see you with
one r*pe, one arson..

...and two flashers.

You're bluffing.

No.

[gasps]
I'd like to report a m*rder..

Nothing.

Tell the ME
to get up here.

We've...we've got a cold one.

Two b*llet holes,
point blank.

[Paula]
'Look at this.'

Alright,
what have we got here?

Well, he, uh,
walked into the office

he said he wanted
to report a m*rder..

...and he just fell
on top of me.

[Richards]
'Mitchell.'

Is this the first time
you've ever seen a dead body?

It's the first time I've
ever seen a dead body

who was almost my date
to the high school prom.

'His name's Buddy,
Billy Joe Webster.'

Okay.

[sighs]
You give everything
you know to Billingsley.

It's our case,
lieutenant.

How do you figure that?

You might say
it just fell into my lap.

Okay, you got it.

But you check in with me
every step of the way.

You understand that?
All the way down the line.

And even further
than that, sir.

Buddy lived in
a good neighborhood.

Yeah, well, you said
he was an All-American.

Yeah, until he tore up his knee
and dropped out of college.

What else do you remember?

He chose the star
of the senior play

for the prom
instead of me.

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

Not this one.

[knock on door]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Hey, here's
my high school yearbook.

There's me.

Cute, Mitch.

And there's Buddy.

Well, I know women liked him,
but this is ridiculous.

There are no male names
in this address book.

Let me see.

[knock on door]

Buddy?

Hey, Buddy, you home?

Buddy's not home.

Detectives Mitchell
and Woods.

Oh, I-I..

Hold it. Hold it.

Please..

[Paula]
'Now, just relax.'

She's clean.

Now, look, what is this?

What are you doing here?

Well, I just came to..

Melanie?

You, you don't
remember me, do you?

It's Chickee.

Ocean City High?
Eight years ago?

Buddy's prom date.

Look, where...where's Buddy?

[Chickee]
'What's going on?'

Buddy's dead.

You're lying to me.

A little while ago.

Two .38s, point-blank

ruined that
beautiful-looking man.

I don't believe you.

No, I don't
believe you.

Uh, Chickee..

...what are you
doing here?

Buddy..

I can't..

What?

You opened the door
with a key, how come?

I..

I-I came to get his suede jacket

to take it to be cleaned.

It's in the closet.

Are you sure?

He can't be.
How can he be dead?

I have...to clean
his suede jacket.

[sobbing]

[intense music]

[screams]

Oh, let's get him.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Police emergency, lady.
I need your car.

Please, lady, it's
a matter of life or death.

- Here, take it.
- Thanks.

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[thuds]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

Back that thing out of here!
Police officer!

[dramatic music]

[crashes]

[glass shattering]

[tires screeching]

Are you alright?

I've had better days.

Can you walk?

- Do I have a choice?
- Come on.

Oh, easy..

Melanie, didn't anybody
ever tell you

you're supposed to ride
sidesaddle on horses, not cars?

This is the clean life
we were telling

Ponch and Jon about, right?

Tell me,
Detective Mitchell

how do you like
your first day on the job?

I can't wait
for tomorrow.

Somehow I got a feeling
tomorrow's waiting for us.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

[instrumental music]

[Melanie]
By the time we got back
to Buddy's apartment

my old high school friend
was gone.

Can you believe it?
No Chickee.

And no forwarding address.

Well, she was scared.

Under the circumstances

I guess I would've split too.

You know, listen to this.

Does, does this make
any sense to you?

Eleanor, 10.

Jean, 2-3 and a half.

'Nancy, 8-6.'

All women's names

and those numbers that
could be time of day or--

Oh, Buddy..

Melanie?

Adriana, 8-5.

Now, that could be
8:00 at night.

And five...five could be
the privilege

of paying $500
for Buddy's services.

Of course.

Buddy's datebook.

I can't believe
my All-American crush

turns out to be a gigolo.

[female #1 on radio]
'David-7-William, code one.'

David-7-William.

'We have an ID on
your Cadillac Seville.'

Lay it on me, honey.

'Belongs to Eleanor Martin,
115, Park Place.'

I'll kiss you
when we get back.

'Send money instead.'

[chuckles]

Why didn't you tell me they got
the license number of the car?

I didn't know until the police
called a few minutes ago.

Get out. You should've been
ready with that hours ago!

The guests will be
arriving any minute.

I was looking
for his book and--

I don't want
to hear it again.

Run that car off a cliff.

And if you can avoid
going over with it

'shave that mustache,
cut your hair, and dye it.'

I'm sorry, Eleanor.

Don't worry, darling.

You'll be working very hard

to pay off mother's car.

Now get out of here.

Uh, Miss Martin's party?

Yeah, can you believe we had
to borrow the gardener's car

while the Bentley's
being repaired?

[indistinct chattering]

I hate parties.
I never know what to say.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Most people don't know
how to listen.

I wonder which one
is Eleanor Martin.

- Eleanor.
- Michelle, darling.

Ask and you shall receive.

Shall we, darling?

- I like your hat.
- Excuse me.

If you were invited,
I'd be your hostess.

If we were invited, Miss Martin,
we would have dressed.

My name is Paula Woods,
Ocean City Police Department

and this is my partner,
Melanie Mitchell.

Oh, how marvelous.
You found my Cadillac.

- Is it missing?
- 'Yes, I reported it stolen.'

Miss Martin,
is there someplace

that we might be able
to go to talk privately?

Perhaps another time.

I do have a party
to attend to.

Do you know Buddy Webster?

No.

Where were you at
10:00 a.m. this morning?

Running.

- From what?
- Not from, darling, for.

For my health.

Miss Martin, uh,
just cut the sarcasm.

A male escort was
m*rder*d this morning

and your name happened
to be in his appointment book.

"Eleanor at 10:00."

Eleanor?

Well, I think there
must be at least

two of us with a name
like that in a city this size.

Somebody tried to run me over
with your Cadillac this morning.

I told you,
my car is missing.

- Do you own a g*n?
- This is ludicrous.

Some fool who obviously
deserved to die

and you have the temerity
to insinuate--

Wait. No man deserves
to die that way.

And we are not insinuating,
we're just asking

about your car,
about your 10:00 a.m. alibi

and about your name
in a book of ladies

who paid for
Buddy's services.

Are you accusing me of debasing
myself with a hired lover?

How dare you!

Oh-ho.

Detectives Mitchell
and Woods.

[groans]

We'll be seeing you, ma'am.

Did you hear what
she said about Buddy?

I wish her last name
began with an A.

Yeah, I know, then that
would make her the Eleanor

in Buddy's
appointment book.

Can't cheat, huh?

No.

You really popped her one,
didn't you?

[laughing]

[Paula]
We hadn't dressed for
Eleanor Martin's party

but a change was necessary
before our next stop.

Hey, mama,
lookin' good.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

You know, you never did
tell me what lieutenant said

when you told him,
you know, about Eleanor.

I thought you were
going to tell him.

Uh, no.

- Hey, baby!
- Whoo.

You got the time,
I got the money!

[male #1]
'Oh, hey, baby, come on!
Let's get crazy together, huh?'

'Whoo!'

I tell you quite
honestly, partner

this is not my cup of tea.

Well, if we're gonna find out
anything about Buddy

we'll just have
to grin and bear it.

You got a way
with words, you know?

Geronimo.

So, what's a good-looking
lady like you doing

in a place like this?

Looking for
a good-looking guy.

Like Buddy.

- Oh, you know Buddy?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll help you
forget him.

It's kind of hard
to forget a guy like Buddy.

Well, to tell you
the truth, honey

word has it that
Buddy fell in love

with some rich guy's lady.

Now, that's dumb...
if it ain't su1c1de.

So...let's forget Buddy.

And Lance can help you
work things out real good now.

Uh, Lance, you keep
moving your hand

you're going to find yourself
running into a g*n.

[scoffs]
What?

Are you crazy?

Detective Woods

at your service, Lance.

Now, you were going to tell me
all about Buddy and..

...your line of work?

Enough talk, honey.

No, no.
I love talking.

- I think talking is important..
- Mm-hmm.

Because establishing
a relationship is..

What's that?

This...is a w*apon

sometimes used by detectives

of the Ocean City Police Force.

Hey, man, I-I didn't..

Just relax and tell
Detective Mitchell

all about it, honey.

So that's about it.

Anything else
you want to know?

No. Thank you very much
for the information.

It was really
very sweet of you.

Yeah, and what about
the bracelets?

I hate to be
a party pooper

but things are
getting kind of dull.

Perfect timing, partner.

[Lance]
'What about the bracelets?'

Oh, uh...what do you think?

I think he looks
adorable in 'em.

You know,
Melanie's right, Lance.

They're definitely you.

Goodnight.

I'll split the cost
of the cuffs.

I loved the look
on his face.

You're right.

Buddy worked out of a place
called the Malibu Club.

Yeah, he had an agent,
they call it

uh, somebody known as L

and he was supposed to be going

with a rich man's lady.

'Any ideas who that might be?'

Yeah.
You think may be Chickee?

May be.

She had a key to his pad

and Lance said that that
was either dumb or su1c1de.

Or m*rder.
We got to find Chickee.

[woman screams]

Well, hey, hey, honey.

Hey! Let's go
for a ride, huh?

What do you say, huh?
Just you and me.

- Oh, come on, now..
- Aah! Let me go!

Let go of me!

Honey, I mean, I'd just jump
on you like an enraged lion.

You know? I mean, even
my fingernails are clean, huh.

- Don't you see--
- Hey, mister.

You looking for trouble?

Well, normally
I prefer them small

but you'll do
just fine, amazon.

Oh!

- Are you alright?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

[engines cranking]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

Handled yourself
pretty nice there, Mitchell.

- Yeah?
- Yep.

You didn't do
so bad yourself, Woods.

You know what I need
right about now?

Yeah, you need
to call the chief

and tell him
what we've been doing.

After that.

After that..

...a soak in a hot tub
filled with lavender suds.

For about an hour.

I can't wait
for tomorrow.

Somehow,
I got a feeling..

[both]
That tomorrow's
waiting for us.

Yeah.

[indistinct chattering]

You know,
that's quite a story.

I mean,
an All-American quarterback

turning into
that kind of man.

I know. I've been asking myself
about that for 24 hours.

So what's it like?
How's your boss?

Like all bosses.

Charming, sensitive, and gentle.

And he trusts us
implicitly.

I thought
you needed us.

Mm...yeah.

We need to know
the value of it

'the buyer, the seller'

the inscription on it.

You know, the works.

So what are you
doing here?

You should be in Ames
asking for Avrom.

So how is Ponch, hmm?

Oh, don't answer, please.

It would only
break my heart.

'Oh, he's so beautiful.'

I can't deny him nothin'

except for the fact
I am married keeps me

from, uh, running away
with that no-goodnik.

Girls, will you
come with me, please?

Now, hanging behind the meat
is a door with a blue light.

You push the bell, the light
goes on, and you go on in.

'His name is Avrom,
and after you leave'

forget you were
ever here, right?

Right.

[sighs]
I can't believe
Rocky punched these.

[ding]

[classical music]

So..

...you're friends of Ponch.

Uh, yes. Paula Woods.

Oh.

Uh, Melanie Mitchell.

Wow...my congratulations
to the department.

Can you help us?

If I can..

...but will he help?

That is the important question.

You have, uh, money
to pay for my help?

- No.
- Why should I help?

Maybe because
we're friends of Ponch.

A point in your favor.

We like Mozart.

Ah..

Beautiful and cultured, too?

Hmm. What is happening
to the police department?

[laughing]

'My heavens! There's hope!'

We need to know
everything about this.

On the open market,
it's worth $80,000.

I'll give you $40,000..

...cash.

We need information.

I'll give you
$50,000...cash.

It's not for sale.

You're sure?

Yeah, we're sure.

Alright..

It's worth...$250,000.

'And the word is around
that it's around.'

We need to know who sold it
and who bought it.

The coffered diamond

of South Africa.

Set by Tikubnik
in Beverly Hills..

...and bought by Lawrence,
of course.

Who's Lawrence, of course?

[chuckles]
Children, children.

Lansford Lawrence
of real estate.

He owns everything,
shopping centers to..

...the Malibu Club.

The Malibu Club?

That struck a chord, eh?

Does he also run men
for rich ladies?

We're looking for an agent
who goes by the initial L.

That kind
of merchandise..

...I know nothing about.

Can you read the inscription
inside the ring?

[Avrom]
'I don't have to.'

You see, Tikubnik
sent it to Avrom.

It's so minuscule,
only the best could do it.

Uh, well, what does it say?

"To E.A. from L.L."

Two Ls.

Who's E.A.?

You want I should
solve your whole case?

No.

More information
I don't have.

Unless, of course,
it has to do with..

...Mozart.

[water gurgling]

[Paula]
Avrom had said

Lansford Lawrence
owned the Malibu Club.

Now, it wasn't in Malibu,
and it wasn't a club.

What it was
was a high-society version

of the Tropicana.

It's them! I better go.

- What if they recognize me?
- Don't be silly.

Your own mother
wouldn't recognize you.

What are we gonna do?

Well, right now you can
continue the massage.

And when they leave..

...you're going on
a little mission.

There, in the shade.
Look.

[Melanie]
'There's our Chickee.'

- 'Same time tomorrow.'
- Okay, Mr. Lawrence.

Well, we found
our Mr. Lawrence.

And now all we have
to do is find E.A.

- I don't believe it.
- What?

I've been calling her
Chickee for four years.

I forgot
her real name.

Eleanor Anderson.

The E.A. on the ring?

Chickee's the rich man's lady.

She sure fooled me.

I really thought she was crying
in Buddy's apartment.

Well, you said she was
the star actress in school.

Right.

- Uh, Mr. Lawrence?
- Yeah?

Paula Woods
Ocean City Police Department

and this is my partner
Melanie Mitchell.

So?

Do you know
a Billy Joe Webster

AKA, Buddy?

No. Why?

Eleanor knew him.

Mr. Lawrence, do you
recognize this ring?

Where did you get that?

Billy Joe Webster
was k*lled yesterday.

That ring was found
on his body.

You gave that ring
to another man?

[Chickee]
No, I...oh!

Mr. Lawrence, you may be
very rich and very powerful..

...but if you so much
as raise an eyebrow

in a threatening gesture
while we're here..

...we will handcuff you
and take you in.

And we'll press charges.

Any further questions,
you call my attorney.

I expect that ring
returned.

Come on, Eleanor.
Come on.

Mr. Lawrence, if we
don't get the answers now

we will take Chickee
into the station.

And you can have
your lawyers call us.

What? What do you mean?

What were you doing
in Buddy's apartment yesterday?

With the key
to the door?

[Paula]
'And don't tell us anything'

'about a suede jacket.'

And what were you doing
at 10:00 a.m.?

Chickee, this ring was found
taped to Buddy's body.

Somebody put two .38s
into that man.

Someone whom he knew,
someone who could get

'close enough to
sh**t him point-blank.'

And right now, Chickee,
the prime suspect..

Is his prom date.

- No!
- Come on. Come on.

No! I'm not gonna
go with you!

You think I k*lled Buddy?

Well, I didn't!

[sobbing]

Melanie..

...look at me.

I'm old before my time

because I didn't have any guts.

I didn't have the guts to do
anything the right way!

And I sold out!

Well, so did Buddy.

I wouldn't k*ll him.

We were the same.

We were just kids,
just high school stars

who didn't know how
to make it in the big world.

We got lost, that's all.

But, Chickee, what was Buddy
doing with your ring?

I-I knew if I kept up
with this life..

If Buddy kept
turning tricks

'it'd just k*ll us both.'

So I gave him
the ring to sell

so we could get some money
to get away from here.

So we could
go someplace else

where nobody would know us
and nobody would know..

'...how dirty we were.'

He was my best friend.

He was like my brother.

And he was the only man
who ever loved me for me..

...not my body.

He loved me.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Listen..

...do you want to get off
of this merry-go-round?

- Oh, Melanie..
- Do you?

Okay, you can do it.
I know you can do it.

If you need me, call me.

Melanie..

[sobbing]

I feel so sorry for her.

- Don't.
- Why not?

Well, because it's her karma,
so don't you take it on, okay?

Karma? There's
nothing wrong with caring.

Listen, Mitchell,
we've got a case to solve

and getting emotionally
involved isn't gonna help.

Then why are you so upset?

[sighs]

Because I feel
so sorry for her.

Yeah.

Come on.

[intense music]

[engine revving]

[music continues]

You're cooking
on something.

Well, Chickee had nothing
to gain by k*lling Buddy.

What we need...is somebody
who had something to lose

if the two of them
ran away together.

Lawrence, of course.

Of course.

Or maybe one of Buddy's women
who got hooked on him.

Or maybe his agent,
if we could find him.

Does that Cadillac
look familiar?

No, but I think
he wants to pass.

What, on this curve?

I wouldn't fight him.
He's bigger than us.

[music continues]

[crashes]

I know the guy in
Eleanor Martin's car

was wearing
a watch like this

and his hair was blond.

And so were his roots.

So he shaved
his mustache

and cut his hair
and dyed it black.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Well, hello, there.

Imagine running into you two
again after all this time.

Don't tell me,
Mitchell and Woods, isn't it?

- Lieutenant--
- 'Lieutenant?'

You do remember me.

The guy you were going to check
in with every step of the way.

We were gonna do that,
but we got so--

- Busy.
- 'Yeah.'

Yes, I know.

I have a complaint on my desk

from a private citizen
who says

one of you cold-cocked her
in her own living room.

The property clerk is certain
that you've gone south

with a quarter
of a million dollar ring

'that he's
responsible for and..'

...it took two blue-suits
45 minutes to get these

off of some dude
in the Tropicana Club.

Now, can you give me
one good reason

why I shouldn't suspend
you both on the spot?

Well, how about bringing in
Billy Joe Webster's k*ller?

How about you put your money
where your mouth is?

Well, you know the corpse
that just tried

to run us off the road?

Now, that's the same guy that

we caught in Buddy's apartment.

'I'll bet you any amount
of money, lieutenant'

that that Caddy belongs to the
same owner as the Caddy Seville.

Eleanor Martin, she was in
Buddy's datebook under A

'cause she's his agent,
and L is for Eleanor.

'Now, all we have to do,
lieutenant'

is check that car out with DMV.

[female #1 on radio]
'David Lima 2, code one.'

David Lima 2.

'On that motor vehicle'

'check you requested,
lieutenant'

''80 Cadillac,
black, 8-5-8 QPU'

'registered
to Eleanor Martin.'

That is the second car
she's had stolen in two days.

Well..

...go get her.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

[intense music]

[Eleanor screams]

Help me! I can't swim!

Why did you k*ll Buddy?

It wasn't me!

Help! Help. I...I can't swim!

Why did you k*ll Buddy?

[Eleanor]
'Help me!'

Why did you k*ll Buddy?

He wanted to quit!

I couldn't let him.

He threatened
to turn me in.

I'll pay you a fortune.
Please let me go.

- Please let me go.
- Oh, yeah. I'll let you go.

Ah!

Melanie, bring her in.

We'll wring her out
and hang her up to dry.

Hey, Chickee!

Oh, hi.

I'm glad we caught you
before you left.

Oh, me, too.

I wanted to
thank you both again

for understanding
and not judging me.

Uh, listen,
where are you headed?

Well, I have an
old-fashioned aunt

who lives in
a small town in Colorado

who loves me
no matter what.

Sounds great.

I hope we see you again.

Oh..

I don't think so, Melanie.

I'm not really equipped
to handle a big city.

Well, you just stick
close to your aunt.

She sounds like
good people.

- I will.
- 'Okay.'

You take care.

- 'Bye, Chickee.'
- Bye.

Hey! They're writing us up!

Can you believe it?

Just wait a minute,
you guys.

Go on, Jon.

Wait, wait a minute, now.

Now, if you tag us--

What do you expect,
favoritism?

You better believe it.

What do you think,
Ponch?

Well, seeing as how
they solved their first case..

Oh. Now, how do you know that?

I'll tell you
something else I know.

What?

You guys are
buying us lunch.

[laughing]

What makes you so sure?

You'd prefer a ticket?

Uh, well,
like you said

we're gonna buy
you guys lunch.

- Right, Mitchell?
- You-you got it, Woods.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]