You mean there aren't gonna be
any men at the party?
What are you gonna do
for laughs?
It's my girlfriend's
engagement party.
Ah, besides, I don't think
men would enjoy it.
We're meeting at a club
for ladies only.
[Grossman]
'Oh, you mean thatclub.'
Bonnie, do you know
what they do there?
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
[female #1]
'Give me that bag!'
Do you see what I see?
I'm afraid I do.
[screaming]
[chattering]
[barking]
[growling]
[growling]
- What do we do?
- Whatever they say, uh, want.
Stop! Get off there!
[growling]
Okay! Go on!
Have your party
at Chippendales.
And if you don't know
why they call
that club "For ladies only"
Ask Jon and Ponch,
they'll tell ya.
Why? Because its striptease
dancers are men?
Big deal, Grossie.
Welcome to the 1980s.
Anything else on your mind?
No, that's all I had. Uh, you?
Oh, I'm finished.
You can go.
[sighs]
[growling]
[dramatic music]
[dog barks]
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Jon! Ponch!
[monkey chattering]
Robbers! Robbers!
Catch 'em,
they robbed the bank!
- Bonnie, take my helmet.
- Okay.
Take mine.
Call animal regulations.
And, uh, be firm.
[music continues]
[monkey chattering]
Stop! Stop!
Stop! Stop!
[music continues]
Catch 'em,
they robbed the bank.
[dramatic music]
[whistles]
Come on, boys!
[man clapping]
[male #1]
'Come on!'
You, uh, gonna jump?
No.
Those monkeys knew it.
[theme music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
Keep an eye on him
for me, will ya?
You didn't get the license
to the pickup truck?
Too far away.
So all you've really got
is a barrel of monkeys.
The Bonzo g*ng.
Masters of disguise.
Look, if you two have
nothing to contribute..
I have.
Case closed.
I have the bank robber,
self-confessed.
[Baricza]
'Manny Herzog.'
Wants to see the sergeant.
Oh-h.
Not again.
Thank you.
Mr. Herzog.
I trust the bank job
went easier
than the payroll heist
you confessed to last week.
Ah, I'm a dual
personality, sergeant.
Half of me is a real disgrace.
Uh, where'd you put
the money this time?
I-I paid some bills.
Show me the receipts.
I paid by mail.
You heard about the caper
on the radio, Manny.
It's on the radio already?
Did you use a w*apon?
Yeah. A-a g*n.
I threw it down the sewer.
- 'I hate g*ns.'
- No g*ns were used, Manny.
I-I meant the Kn*fe.
No Kn*fe, either. No persons.
I was hiding.
What about the animals?
A-animals?
Three dogs.
Two dogs
three monkeys.
I got mixed up.
Um, I don't have time for this.
- I-I did it.
- Let's go, Manny.
See you later, Manny.
If you're gonna confess
to every major robbery
in town, at least get
the details straight.
Make it interesting for us.
You shouldn't be
making fun of me.
I'm a dangerous person.
[fanfare music]
[crowd cheering]
[roaring]
[women screaming]
No!
[panting]
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart,
it's alright.
It's alright. I'm here.
Don't touch me.
You were only dreaming,
sweetheart.
Glad I was here
when you woke up.
Go away.
And leave me alone.
I spoke to Dr. Johnson
and he's really confident.
He says that
your face is finished
and he'll be able
to do your shoulder
in a month or so.
No.
I've had four operations
in one year
and I can't take any more.
Sweetheart..
...he's the best
cosmetic surgeon money can buy.
If he says
the shoulder is simple
you can take
that to the bank.
If I could take
anything to the bank
I wouldn't be letting you
pay for this.
How do you like the room?
I was doing fine
in a four-bed ward.
Well, you deserve the best..
...and you'll get it
as long as I'm around.
I've asked you
not to be around.
But I guess
you've bought the right
to not worry
about what I want.
I don't wanna buy.
I just wanna see
you whole and..
...and happy again.
I know that you don't like it
when I tell you
how much I love you.
Then why did you
let that lion att*ck me?
What you're saying is that..
...I wanted it to happen
and I let it happen.
If that's what you think..
...there's no way in the world
you'll ever forgive me.
Even if I get down
on my knees.
Don't bother.
My love..
...I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you
till the end of my days.
Don't bother.
Don't bother.
[upbeat music]
Bonnie said she'd call
if she could make it.
No, Paige said she called.
She'll be here.
[crowd cheering]
[male #2]
Wait a minute.
What's going on here?
[siren wailing]
Oh, no! It's a bust!
Ladies, stay calm.
Stay seated, please. Oh!
[siren wailing]
[cheering]
This is Officer Richard.
Our hot cop, today.
[male #2]
'Well, what do you
want him to do?'
[together]
Take it off!
[upbeat music]
And here he goes!
And here goes the shirt!
Whoop! Whoop!
[music continues]
No, no, no! No coming out
on the dance floor!
Come on, ladies,
please, please!
[upbeat music]
Oh, Bonnie,
where are you?
This is the part
I didn't want her to miss.
[music continues]
Hi.
Thank you.
[male #2]
What do you want him to do?
[together]
Take it off!
And here go the pants!
[male #2]
'Officer Richards--'
- Can I help you?
- Oh, hi.
Do you know
where the Blake party is?
- Yeah, sure. Just follow me.
- Okay.
[male #2]
'No touching, now.'
'Just five more seconds.'
'Let's hear it
for Officer Richard!'
Our next guy,
this guy is incredible.
You're gonna love him.
Bonnie, you missed him.
He was simply terrific!
Did you get to see him at all?
The guy we met at your
beach party, Bonnie.
Oh, wow.
This guy is really a dream.
[male #2]
'Alright! Terrific!'
'Are you ready
for another dancer?'
Hey, Bon Bon, you wanted
to show me something.
Oh, yeah, the reason
for my ladies
only party last night.
My girlfriends
have been there before.
I picked you up
a couple souvenirs.
[Poncherello]
'Holy mackerel.'
Who is this guy?
He's the club's
new stripper sensation.
Ponch, I swear
as well as I know you
I had to look twice.
Well, everybody knows
I wouldn't do a thing like this.
Hmm. That's what I said to
Sharon and Cynthia and Claudine.
Do you remember them?
They were at my beach party?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I said, "Oh, Ponch
he'd never do that."
And they said, "Hah."
I just thought
you ought to know.
[chuckles]
Well, thanks
for telling me.
Oh, hey, Bon Bon.
Hmm?
Can he really dance?
Well, I didn't
really see the act
but, uh, I hear
he was terrific.
Yeah?
[man whistles]
[shrieking]
Good.
Yeah, that's beautiful, baby.
You're the greatest.
You just do that tomorrow..
...we'll be home free before
they even know what hit 'em.
[siren wails]
I'm sorry, officer.
I guess I was
in too much of a hurry.
You were doing almost 60,
the speed limit is--
Hey!
You're the cop at the club.
[chuckles]
Wow.
[female #2]
'You really are a cop.'
[laughs]
Excuse me for a minute, please.
[indistinct radio chatter]
10-4, LA.
Will you handle this for me?
She saw me at the club.
I mean, not me..
...but she just giggles.
You mention that guy to Getraer?
Ten to one somebody has.
Thanks.
[shrieking]
[female #3 on radio]
'Units in the vicinity'
'of Alvarado and Garcide.'
'A 47 just occurred.'
'Garcide market.'
'Suspect is a large bird.'
'Falcon or a hawk.'
What?
'A large bird.'
'A falcon or a hawk.'
Monkeys, dogs..
A hawk?
There!
[shrieking]
LA 15-Mary-3 we have
a visual on a suspicious hawk.
Try to see where it goes.
[female #3 on radio]
'10-4, Mary-3.'
[instrumental music]
There he goes.
Hey, Ponch.
Ponch, you okay?
I tore my shirt.
Come on out.
Swear you won't tell
Getraer about this?
Yeah, I swear.
[whistles]
[shrieking]
[man whistles]
Okay, animal regulations
can't come up with a trainer.
That covers the zoo
animal parks
'movie business.'
What else is there?
Nightclub act?
Maybe an out of work circus act
or a unregistered amateur.
[humming]
Alright!
How come Bonnie
isn't in on this little joke?
Oh, come on.
Don't jump on Bonnie's case.
That club had more ladies
only than anybody realized.
Including some of
the wives from around here.
Yeah, and a couple
of the clerks.
Other than that,
your secret's safe.
Well, okay. I'm gonna..
See? They even got me uptight
about taking my own shirt off.
And a one and a two and a..
[humming]
Remember, I want
to see the sergeant.
Hey, Frank.
I clipped this article
from our neighborhood
paper this morning.
Uh, "Word is that
the well known
"ladies only nightclub
"is grossing
ten grand a night.
Is it because of
the hunky dancer--"
Hunky?
Ooh. Alright.
"Dancer currently appearing?
"Is he a real highway
patrolman moonlighting?
And we do mean moon."
[laughing]
Oh, it's funny.
But it's not that funny.
See what you can do, huh?
Um, look who insists
on seeing you.
How'd you like my Falcon caper?
It wasn't a Falcon, Manny.
- It was a hawk.
- Yeah, right.
I seen all your birds.
- Mm-hmm.
- I trained it.
[Manny]
'The monkeys, too.'
Uh, what do you
feed your hawk?
Hawk food.
Was it a goshawk
or a big merganser?
Merganser.
[Manny]
'Very big.'
Better luck next time, Manny.
A merganser's a duck.
What do you know about turkeys?
Come on, Manny.
Come on.
[male #2]
Wave 'em, ladies, wave 'em.
'Remember the dancer dances'
'where the tips are.'
Shall he take off the camisa?
[together]
Yeah!
[male #2]
'There goes the camisa.'
'Get a load of the build
on this here ranchero.'
Whoa. Wave 'em. Wave 'em.
Let him know where they're at.
Tell the boss
Officer Poncherello.
Excuse me.
Wave 'em, ladies,
now what do you want him to do?
[together]
Take it off!
You're the manager here?
Yeah, and you're Alan.
Oh, I know you're not him.
What a resemblance.
What a trip.
It's getting
to be embarrassing.
Why? You're gorgeous.
I'm Nita Baldero.
Ponch.
What did I tell you?
I knew Bonnie was covering up.
See what I mean?
Scott.
Ladies, your table's waiting.
Why don't we go
to my office?
I'm so glad we came back.
He's not doing
anything wrong
as long as he confines
it to the stage.
But I would like
to talk to the guy.
Well, I let him off last night
on personal business
and he hasn't shown up tonight.
But I'll give you his name.
Alan Richardson.
And I'll give you his address
and, uh, phone number.
I surely don't want
any trouble for the club.
Or him...or you.
I think it could be worked out.
I appreciate your cooperation.
Oh, by the way
you know
the nightclub business
ever hire any animal acts?
If you mean sub-human, no.
But if you'd care to watch
some of my dancers..
Thank you.
Bye.
[Jon]
Did you tell Nita Baldero
that the address she gave you
turned out to be a vacant lot?
Yeah. She was
really surprised.
The telephone number
is right though
at least for
an answering service.
Well, don't hold your breath
till he calls you.
[Getraer]
'Well, thank you very much'
'for your help.'
Okay. I checked all the guilds
about our monkey man.
There's no one
in this area anymore
who works with animals
of those descriptions
but there are three former
circus acts that might fit.
Check the names through DMV.
You got it, sarge.
"The Joe Clair Animal Fair
"Poole's Pets
and the Martin Menagerie."
Anything familiar?
Not to me.
Eileen...I'm gonna have
to send you back
to your room in a wheelchair
but that's only because
of hospital rules
and only after
you look at this.
Eileen.
Hi.
Nurse.
[engine revving]
[dramatic music]
[siren wailing]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[siren wailing]
[music continues]
[siren wailing]
[tire screeching]
[engine revving]
[tire screeching]
Get off the bike.
Hands on your head.
Hands on the hood.
Alright, turn around.
Take your helmet off.
I'm sorry.
Me and Beau was just having fun.
[male #3]
'I thought I could
outrun you guys.'
I forgot you could
radio each other.
[Poncherello]
'He has a wire from
a circus troupe offering'
'a job in Denver,
he and the dog do an act.'
A bank book and a withdrawal
slip for 300 bucks.
Has to pay his own
way to Denver..
...and be there by Friday
or else he loses the job.
So, uh, you want
to hit him easy, right?
Well, sarge, we're sure
he's not our man.
Well, cite him for
evading and let him go.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
A, there's a possibility
of false arrest
because B, there was
no robbery committed.
And C, if it doesn't
make the news
Manny Herzog won't be in here
confessing that he did it.
I should have stopped.
I was stupid.
I never did a thing
like that before.
I was so happy
that I got a job
I just felt like
letting it out.
What about
the danger to the dog?
Oh, Beau rides
with me everywhere.
And the audiences love him.
He's a ham.
He's been working
circuses with his dog
for the last
five or six years.
I asked him about the names
'and our list of animal acts.'
Lou Poole. Yeah.
Tell him the story.
Well, I only met the guy once.
He had animals working together
that usually really
hate each other.
Dogs, big cats, monkeys, birds.
The guy was great.
Then it seems like
one of his big cats
a lion, I think..
Oh, they scare
the heck out of me.
Anyway, it went wild
and tore up this girl
he had in the act.
She lived,
but Poole I don't know.
I never heard of him since.
What's her name? Remember?
Uh, no.
But it was in the papers
about a year ago.
Right here in town.
Oh, what makes you think
Eileen might be involved?
Well, we looked through
the old newspaper files
and found her
through her guild.
We knew she worked
with Lou Poole. So we, uh..
Well, actually
it's him we were trying to find.
Well, her health is fine, I
was gonna release her tomorrow.
Now, of course, it has been
an emotional year for her
and, uh, we never discount
post-operative shock.
I would appreciate it
if only one of you went in.
- Bonnie, you take it, please?
- Sure.
Uh, no, no, no.
I'm not the one.
I don't have a TV in my room.
Well, it's been
in the newspapers too.
Well, I guess
I just haven't noticed.
Do you have any idea
what happened to Mr. Poole
after your incident
with the lion?
You found me,
can't you find him?
So far we've run
into dead ends.
I was hoping
you could help.
Well, I can't.
He could be anywhere.
Do you remember his animals?
Did he have a hawk
and some baboons?
An eagle and chimps.
Do you know
what happened to them?
Did he sell them?
Give them to trainers?
Or...a name or two
would really help.
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
There's been
a man visiting you
and no one seems
to know his name.
Look, that's
my personal business.
Now, I don't understand
what you're doing.
Are-are you accusing me
of something?
Um...no. Not at all.
I'm just looking
for some answers.
I'm glad your surgery
went so well.
Why don't call me
if you think of anything
'that I might
be interested in, okay?'
Okay.
[Bonnie]
I think she's covering up
maybe for that guy
who comes here.
Maybe because he
pays for the bills.
Well, we know they're
paid by cashier's check.
We can ask the banks
who drew the checks.
But if it is Poole
he's probably
using another name.
[Bonnie]
'Yeah, probably.'
[chuckles]
Officer, excuse me,
aren't you the..
I think it is.
[chuckles]
What do you want him to do?
[together]
Take it off!
A regular lover of the future.
And here come the gloves.
[crowd cheering]
He explained the phony address.
He's been studying ballet
since he was five years old
and he doesn't want his family
to know he's doing this.
It nerds
the family, you know?
Hey, a dancer's a dancer.
I won't blow the whistle
on the guy if he'll cooperate.
Look, I'm just sick and tired
of being mistaken for a guy..
Alan, Officer Poncherello.
Alan darling,
all the nice officer wants
is a change of uniform.
You can still be Officer Richard
but not of the highway patrol.
It won't hurt
the act in any way.
[Nita]
'What do you say?'
Can I let him go on tonight?
One more show.
Get your motorcycle, dear.
I'll, uh, phone for
a wardrobe fitting
right now in the morning.
You're welcome to watch
but, uh, it is ladies only, so..
...kind of stay
out of the way.
It couldn't be me.
Hey! What are you doing?
Give me that. Hey, stop.
Hey! Hey, you!
Hey, thief!
Stop that man!
Alan, stop him!
He's a thief.
Stop that man!
[dramatic music]
Go get the cop inside.
At the bar. Hurry.
I want to see the sergeant.
You just want to tell him
you walked into Chippendale's
and robbed the safe,
is that it?
I-I didn't walk in.
It was ladies only.
I busted in.
I was discovered in
the office by the manager
Nita Baldero.
How'd you know her name?
You said before,
"Get the details right."
This time I got 'em.
I did it.
Ask her. She'll tell you
it was me.
I thought you wore a ski mask.
Could she identify the mask?
What was the name of the dancer
you hit with your car?
How-how would I know his name?
It's here in the paper
along with everything else.
Alright, so I'm wanted
for hit and run, too.
I want to see the sergeant.
The sergeant doesn't
want to see you.
Now or ever.
- One more phony confess--
- It's not phony.
And you're not gonna
see any sergeant.
You're gonna see
big men in white coats.
It's you.
You're okay.
I-I thought, I..
That part's not in the paper.
- Let's go see the sergeant.
- Hey, wait, wait!
Sure, if you don't
mind coming in.
Well, we'll be here.
Anytime.
Thanks a lot.
Nita Baldero can positively
identify the car.
- What car?
- Your car.
- I don't own a car.
- Got him for auto theft, too.
Read him his rights
and book him.
Come on, guys.
You know I confess
to everything.
I'm a phony, believe me.
I-I'm a liar.
It's in the paper
I hit a dancer.
Can't you tell
a dancer from a cop?
I didn't do anything.
He thought if we did believe him
his confession
would be thrown out.
Improper, inadmissible
but not a bad idea.
And he faces five for robbery
fourteen for hit and run.
Now, let's try to hang
the big one on him.
I think he'll roll over.
- What do you need?
- Well, first the car.
Nita didn't get
the license number.
So, why don't you take
a ride over to the hospital
and see if the dancer can talk?
Hi, young lady.
Time to wheel you outta here.
Maybe I ought to take
another look at that.
People are usually
a lot perkier
about leaving
the hospital.
Doctor, I think
I've been here
under false pretenses.
I lied to that
policeman who was here.
I lied for money.
What does that make me?
I don't know.
Sounds like a symptom.
Why don't we look
for the cause?
[knock on door]
Thank you.
Hi.
I've come
to take you home.
Go away and stay away
or I'm gonna call the police.
Oh, no. Come on.
There's something
I want to show you.
If you like it,
I want to buy it for you.
It's a house.
- A house?
- Hmm.
You don't have
the money to buy a house.
And if you do have,
you stole it.
How many banks have you robbed?
Oh, we don't want to talk
about things like that.
The police are looking for you.
Forget it.
You're not involved.
Oh, you fool.
I begged you
to stay away from me.
I told you and told you.
And now, you offer to buy me
a house with stolen money
I am involved.
How could you?
How do you think..
...that I paid for all
these hospital bills, huh?
Well, I'll pay you
back every cent.
I don't want to
owe you a thing.
Oh, what am I saying?
Ah, let's, let's just forget
about the house, okay?
Did you get it
all by stealing?
Sweetheart,
you needed the money.
How many lies have
I let myself believe
to get my face back?
I should have lived
with the scars.
No!
Look.
You can do anything you
want with your life now.
You're beautiful again.
You only see my face.
Eileen...your scars are gone.
But I can't get rid of mine.
No, but you've tried,
haven't you?
That's what all this
surgery's been about.
Not my face, you.
Because you know you let that
lion att*ck me, didn't you?
- Didn't you?
- Yes!
And you still say,
"Don't bother me.
"Don't touch me.
Leave me alone."
And it still hurts.
Right now, all I'd settle
for is a little kindness.
I loved you so much then.
That I hated you.
And yes!
[roars]
I can go away now.
That's what
you've always wanted.
I really can.
Excuse me,
do you have a patient
Alan Richardson,
a hit and run victim.
- Can we talk to him?
- Officers.
That man you told me about
he's here, now, with Eileen!
[male #4]
'There!'
Jon!
[dramatic music]
[siren wailing]
[music continues]
[car honking]
[music continues]
[siren wailing]
[dramatic music]
[tires screeching]
[intense music]
[sighs]
- What'd you get?
- Come on, I'll tell you.
He wants an attorney present.
We'll wait, alright?
What about his animals?
The animal shelter
has the dogs and the hawk
and the zoo
will take the monkeys.
I guess he loved them.
Yeah, they say
he's really great with them.
I can't help feeling
sorry for the guy.
Well, I know
he's alone in a pit.
But remember,
he dug it himself.
Room 103.
Okay, it's exactly what I said.
Looks good in print.
Well, it's an excellent
statement, Ms. Baldero.
And we thank you
very much for it.
Forget it, doll.
Thank you for getting
my money back.
It wasn't much effort
once Mr. Herzog understood
the nature of his alternatives.
Oh, uh, excuse me a minute.
Poncherello, hi.
Can we talk?
I'm, uh, one dancer short
while Alan's in the hospital.
How's about it?
Double the money.
[laughs]
Me? Never.
I've suffered enough already.
So, cat's out of the bag.
You might as well make it pay.
I'm afraid you're
wasting your breath.
Drive the ladies wild
with that wicked bod.
Triple the money.
He'd never do it, Nita.
Would you, Ponch?
Triple?
Frank!
Ponch.
05x23 - Trained for Trouble
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Series follows the lives of two motorcycle officers of the California Highway Patrol.
Series follows the lives of two motorcycle officers of the California Highway Patrol.