Hell my name is murphy
and I'm an alcoholic.
All:
hi, murphy.
Hi. Well, things have been going
pretty well for me.
I was in paris where
I interviewed jacques chirac.
I found a new shortcut to work.
I took my son
to his first baseball game
Where he learned his limit
on hot dogs-- four
And I learned
how super-absorbent
Those big foam fingers can be.
That's about it.
Uh... Well, I think
Oh, and tomorrow I celebrate
my eighth year of sobriety.
Who's next?
That's great.
I wish you had told us.
We would have gotten you
your anniversary cake.
That's okay. I don't want
to make a big deal.
I'm not really
a cake kind of person.
Ha! At barry's
three-year celebration
She ate half the cake
and all of the icing.
Murphy
I've always found
my anniversaries
To be a good time
to take stock, you know?
See where I've been, think about
where I might be going
How I can move on
to
the next step in my recovery.
I know I may not have gotten
through as many of the steps
As I would ha￭e liked, but...
I'm already on the tenth step
And I've only been here
four months.
Now, robert
You know we all progress
at our own pace.
Oh, I know.
I'm only pointing out
That I'm way
ahead of her.
You know, murphy, I've found the
act of making amends to others
To be a very liberating step.
Gee, I don't know.
Make amends?
I'm not really very good
at apologizing.
Did I mention I just
got back from paris?
Hey, I'd do it;
it's just not practical.
Do you have any idea how many
people I'd have to apologize to?
The valet parking attendants
alone would take years.
Besides, a lot of this stuff
happened a long time ago.
Half those people
are probably dead.
Didn't stop me from talking
to uncle mike's grave last week.
Well, then let me tell you
what your uncle mike couldn't.
Shut up!
Murphy...
I know making amends is hard
But if you're going to progress
in the -step program
It's something
we all have to do.
You're right.
I've done some pretty bad things
to some pretty good people--
People who deserve
a little less abuse
And a little more consideration.
I guess I could give it a try.
Hey, juan valdez, when you spill
cappuccino in an elevator
You clean it up!
Although, what's a little
cappuccino on my shoes?
They're italian,
the cappuccino's italian.
It's not a big deal.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
You can go.
I can do this.
About these rumors,
george
All I'm saying is
Snoop around
and find out for me.
I have something
I want to say to you
And it's not easy for me...
Jack, it's frank.
Go ahead.
Okay, here goes.
I just want to say,
for any of the times
That I might have
done something
That could have,
you know...
Annoyed you or irritated you
or upset you...
Oh, thanks
for nothing, jack#
Find out anything
yet, frank?
Not yet.
I'm going to try
to get in touch
With ben in legal affairs.
Remember that time
You found that pair
of nylons
Jammed inside
your eight-track
And I told you...
Ted johnson,
line three]
And I told you
it was jane fonda's way
Y.
Of finding you
incredibly sex
Murph, you're leaning
on my pad.
Yeah.
Yeah[ forget it.
Corky.
Uh, corky, I don't
know how to say this
So I guess I'm just
going to come right out
And say it.
Yeah, what is it,
murphy?
Well, I just wanted...
Phone ringing)
(
Hello.
One second, murphy.
Howard[
what do you have?
Remember when I accidentally
bumped your car
When you were parked
in my space?
It didn't really roll
down the parking structure.
I sort of bumped it
all the way down.
Murphy!
And while I'm
being honest
In to hooters.
Yes, I'm the one who sent
your resume
I had nothing
to do with them
Sending it back, though.
Oh, come on,
you're plugged in.
Do not shut me out,
howard.
Corky, I have
things to...
Is that howard
in accounting?
I've got
to talk to him.
Howard, remember
that time
T that rat
I pu
in your wife's bra...
Not now.
Is there any truth
to the rumor?
What do you mean
you don't know?
So anyway, frank
Jane fonda, nylons,
eight-track?
She never found you sexy.
I stuck those nylons in!there
because I couldn't stand
Riding with you every morning
belting out
"Voulez-vous couchez
avec moi ce soir."
Good morning, people.
Hey, miles, what
did you find out?
About what?
About that rumor
that's going around.
Frank heard from a guy
in affiliate relations
That they're moving
our time slot to friday.
Oh, is that what this
is all about?
That's ridiculous.
They'd never move fyi.
You know what this means.
They move our time slot,
then our ratings dip.
Then our advertisers
pull out
And the network demands
we renegotiate our contracts
And the next thing I know
I'll be on
entertainment tonight
Wishing happy birthday
to dennis weaver.
This happens all the time.
The minute you buy
a $ -million house
Bang, they move
your time slot.
People, people,
people.
These rumors crop up
at the end of every season.
So why doesn't everybody
Just take a deep,
cleansing breath...
And relax.
Right.
(Exhales quickly)
Now, frank, as I was...
What makes you think
these rumors aren't true?
Because if these rumors
were true
Don't you think
I would know about it?
Trust me,
I would know about it.
(Rattling)
Miles, honey,
is your hand shaking?
Can we get some decaf
over here?
Okay, now that we've got
that all settled
I'd like to see each one of you
in my office individually.
You'd better come first.
Maybe we should order in;
this could take a while.
Do you mind?
We're talking about
the future of our show.
Okay, okay,
let's not lose our heads.
I will do a little digging
and see what I can find out.
If I have to wait
for your digging
I'll go talk to lansing now
and put an end to these rumors.
Oh, no, you won't!
You don't bulldoze your way
up to the president
Every time you hear a rumor.
You've got to treat this like
an archaeological dig.
You have your little pick,
your little brush.
You carefully chip away
Gossip
at each level of
and innuendo
Until that fossilized nugget
of truth is revealed.
Pick, pick, pick, pick.
Marv, I'll be up
in lansing's office.
Excuse me, murphy
But you will not be up
in lansing's office.
I am the executive producer
of this show
And we're going
to handle this my way.
But...
Do not go up
To lansing's office.
Fine.
Murph, say hi
to lansing for me.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
...but your show
can't have a dolphin.
Why not?
'Cause it takes place in kansas]
Kansas is landlocked.
Didn't your greedy parents
ever buy you a map?
How out a duck?
Would you like a duck?
Stan, we ha￭e to talk.
Murphy, this here
is jeremy fairchild
The star of our
latest hit sitcom
The littlest mayor.
Pleased to meet you.
Yeah, whatever.
I better get my duck.
You'll get that duck.
It'll be on the set
monday morning...
Cooked in plum sauce.
I hate that kid.
My only joy
is knowing
That that cute little boy
Someday will be just
another unemployed child actor
With a face like a troll.
So, what brings you here?
Well[ stan, actually,
there are two reasons.
First, I know
that you and I have had
Our share of disagreements
over the years
And I just want to say
I'm sorry.
We're all sorry
about something.
You want to know
what I'm sorry about?
I'm sorry that I didn't make
the littlest mayor a cartoon.
That's what I'm sorry about.
What's the second thing?
There are some
paranoid people downstairs
Who've heard this idiotic rumor
That you're changing
fyi's time slot.
Moving fyi's time slot?
What? Are they crazy?
Your show is, is...
The tent pole
That props up the entire
wednesday night schedule.
Without that tent pole
I mean, the top would go
And all the acrobats
would bunch up.
You know what
I'm saying.
What am i--
one of the ringling brothers?
So we're staying
right where we are?
You won't move an inch.
I guarantee it.
I'll go and tell the others
Everything's going to be okay.
Because no matter what you hear,
you are safe.
Why wouldn't I be safe?
That's what I said.
You'll be safe.
Stan, when you say
"you'll be safe"
You mean fyi will be safe,
right?
You'll be safe.
You said that.
Then why are you still here?!
Okay, stan, what's going on?
Murphy, we've known each other
for a very long time
And if I knew more,
I would tell you.
But this is bigger than me.
Aw, jeez, stan, don't do this.
It sounds like people at fyi
might be losing their jobs.
What am I supposed to tell them?
At this point,
you can tell them nothing.
But, stan,
I work with these people.
I've got to at least warn them.
Warn them?
Warn them about what?
You don't know anything.
You can't go
sh**ting your mouth off
Without knowing any facts.
That causes panic.
I hate panic.
It makes people
run up and down the hallways
Ll...
Crying and screaming
up and down the ha
Although it might make
a good movie of the week.
Panic in the hallways.
Well, this is just great.
Those people
Are expecting me
to come down with some answers
And all I can say for sure
is I'm going to be safe.
How do you think I feel
every time I pass morley safer?
You didn't hear it from me.
Ah. What'd you
find out, murph?
Are they moving our time slot?
Uh, no. No, they're definitely
not moving our time slot.
Oh, thank god!
Did you hear that,
everybody?
No need to worry.
We're not moving.
When will you people
learn to stop acting
Like a bunch
of scared rabbits?
The sky is falling.
The sky is falling.
Here you go, frank.
Copies
of your resume.
I'm just happy
to find out the truth
So we could finally
put this behind us.
Murphy, what did you want
to talk to me about?
What was that--
something nylons,
eight-track?
Oh, that.
Oh, that's nothing, real￩y.
It was, um... It's just that
Eight years ago today
I quit drinking.
So, i..]
I'm just going
to go make some calls.
Way to go, frank.
What?
How come you didn't know
This was an important day
for murphy?
S up
she finally open
her little heart to us
And we were too busy
to even listen.
You're right.
She needed us
And we weren't there
for her, huh?
Well, we have to do
something special
to celebrate.
I mean, this is a major event.
What if we get her
a little cake?
"A little cake."
Frank, eight years ago
that brave woman in there
Turned her life around.
She overcame
a major addiction.
We're going to have
to do something big.
A big cake?
Okay.
Okay, people.
Can I have
everybody's attention?
Your crafty and resourceful
executive producer
Has done a little legwork
on this time slot question.
Oh, uh, miles...
Just a minute, corky.
I have a friend
who knows the secretary
To an assistant vice president
at the network
Who was a little reluctant
to talk.
But if I'm half as good
as I think I am
I should have our answer
by the end of this week.
It's okay, miles.
We already have our answer.
They're not moving
our time slot.
You find out?
How did
Murphy already went up
and asked lansing.
S-s-she what?
Miles, it's kind of
a special day for murphy
And we were thinking
about getting her a cake.
Would you like
to chip in?
Listen, you little
number-crunching weasel
I want some answers about
what's going on around here
Who's your boss?
Who's her boss?
Who's his boss?
No, he hates me.
Let me talk to that other guy.
Hello?
You went up to lansing.
Well... Yeah.
After I specifically said,
"don't go up to lansing"
Tell me, murphy
What part of that sentence
didn't you understand?
"Don't go"--
hmm. Sounds pretty clear.
"Up to"-- easy direction.
I know you
know lansing.
It's engraved
on his office door--
The very same door
you walked through
Even after I said,
"don't go up to lansing!"
Look, miles, I know
you said that, but I went...
But you did it anyway.
And do you know why?
Because you don't respect me.
From the day we met
It's been this constant struggle
And even though
I have proven myself
Time and time again
You show absolutely
no faith in me.
That's not true at all.
I have had it!
This is me having it!
I have worked
too hard and too long
Not to be treated with respect!
If nothing else, I deserve that!
I respect you, miles.
You know,
I'd tell you to go to hell
But you wouldn't listen
to me anyway.
Maybe we'll just split
the cake two ways.
Here you go, murphy.
Thanks, phil.
Look, I know
it's been eight years
Since you had a drink
And you're going around
making amends, so, uh...
I got a little something
for you.
Thanks, phil.
That's really nice,
but you didn't have to...
A bill for $ ?
It's for that night back in '
When you trashed the place after
bobby riggs b*at you at pong.
I'm still totaling up the damage
from the reagan years...
But then, aren't we all?
Fine. Whatever.
I'll pay the bill.
Why should this day
get y better now?
What do you mean?
Oh, something's brewing
at the network
And miles is mad at me
Because I went
and asked lansing about it.
Well, that makes two of us.
Come on, murphy.
When something's going down
at the network
Who do you go to first?
The president of the network,
or old phil?
Old phil.
What do you know, phil?
I'm not sure I want
to tell you now.
Oh, come on.
Well... I don't know
How to break this
to you.
It's bad, murphy. Real bad.
The corporate bean counters
in new york
Are sharpening their axes.
No more discounts
at the company store.
Like I need another
dr. Quinn backpack.
If there was more,
would you want to hear it?
I think so.
They're talking major cutbacks
at the network.
Yeah, I heard about that.
If there was more,
would you want to hear it?
Go on, phil.
The news division
is going to be hit hard.
Now, if there was more...
Spill it, phil.
(Sighs)
A lot of those jobs are
coming from fyi and...
Frank and corky are gone.
Oh...
That can't be true.
I wish it weren't, kid.
They don't want to pay
for all three of you
And keeping you maintains
the continuity at fyi
It's the new math.
One murphy equals
one frank and corky.
Well, the new math stinks!
I hate this!
I've been sitting
on this for two days.
Do you know what it's like
seeing frank and corky
And not telling them?
I don't want to be the one
to break their hearts.
On the other hand
I'm dying to ask frank
to settle his tab.
What the hell
is the network thinking?
We can't do fyi
without frank and corky.
I'm not going to sit still
for this.
I don't think you have
any choice, murphy.
This one's way beyond
your control.
Did I mention this stinks?
It certainly does.
Happy anniversary, kid.
Murphy, I would like you
to read this and then sign it.
I have to talk t you, miles.
Since we don't have
the relationship
I'd hoped to have
I've drawn up rules
of behavior--
An agreement
between producer
And reporter.
Miles...
Just sign and initial
Rules through .
I've decided to leave fyi.
Excuse me.
I'm quitting, miles.
(Laughs)
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
You are getting
soft,murphy!
I expected you
to lose your temper...
Rip this
into a thousand pieces...
Throw your emmy at me...
Again...
Oh, but
this whining.
"I quit, miles."
Ooh!
Oh, you disappoint me.
No. Just sign it.
We'll go downstairs,
get it notarized.
I'm serious, miles.
My decision is final,
effective immediately.
What are you saying?
You? Quit?fyi?
No.
I wanted you to be
the first to hear it.
Is it rule # ?
No patting me
on the head?
I didn't need that anyway.
There. Gone.
Look, whatever
prompted this
You can't just quit.
You've got to reconsider.
Congratulations, murphy!
Eight years!
We're so proud of you.
She's quitting!
What?
She's leaving fyi!
Murphy, is this true?
Hey, it's no big deal.
Years in one place
is long enough.
Oh, god. This is horrible.
Happy anniversary!
We are so proud
of you...
Wait a minute.
You got a cake?
Oh, nice going,
corky!
I said I'd
get the cake.
You were in charge
of getting a gift.
We don't have
a gift for murphy!
It doesn't matter!
She's quitting.
What?
Is this for real?
Oh, come on, guys.
You'll be fine.
Anyway, you know how I hog
the jelly donuts in the morning.
I got to go.
What are you doing?
What any self-respecting
news producer would do:
Using my body as
a human barricade
So you can't get out.
I knew it.
They are moving our time slot.
You're leaving
a sinking ship.
Fyi is not sinking.
It's not the show.
Then what is it?
It's... Just something
I have to do.
Why are you making
such a rash decision?
She's deserting us.
I'm not desert...
We've been together
All these years
and you're just leaving
Without any explanation?
Nothing?!
First jim...
I don't believe this.
I don't believe you.
Really[ murphy.
Did it occur to you
maybe I have no other choice?
What are you saying,
the network is forcing you out?
Before they would do that,
they would let me go
And do the show
with you and corky
Or they'd let corky go and
do the show with you and me
They would never
let you go.
Never in a million years.
They'd get rid of both of us
long before they ever got...
Rid!of...
Oh, god.
That's it,
isn't it?
They were going to get rid
of me and frank.
And you're quitting
so they don't have to.
I got to go.
Wait a minute!
(Neighing):
wait a minute!
You don't know this
for a fact!
Where did you hear this?
I didn't hear this.
I'm still digging!
Pick, pick, pick.
We appreciate this
But we can't let you
go through with it.
Really, murph,
this is crazy.
You're darn right
it's crazy!
You can't walk out
like this!
That would be quitting!
You're a team!
Stick together!
Miles is right.
We are
a team.
Absolutely.
So we should quit
as a team.
No, that's not what I meant.
We're quitting?
Nobody's quitting
but me, okay?
Oh, murphy.
Murphy,
forget it!
If they don't
want us on fyi
We won't stay!
Right, frank?
We're quitting?
I just bought a house.
Don't worry, frank.
Yow don't have to quit.
As long as I leave,
everything's okay.
No.
No, corky's right.
To hold on to some shred
got
of dignity here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ha-ha-ha!
Would everybody just
stop for a minute
And think about
what you're doing?
Be rational.
Quitting isn't going
To help anything.
In fact, let's all just relax
And take a deep,
cleansing breath.
(Gasping squeak)
There! There's got to be
another solution!
I think you're
looking at it.
Let's go.
Guys... Please
don't do this.
It's too late,
miles.
We're not just pieces on
some corporate chess board.
We are people
With talent and value
who care about each other.
But I wouldn't
expect management
to understand that.
Oh, and I'll bring home
some pizza tonight.
Murphy, please.
You know, miles,
I was so naive.
I thought that after
all our years here
This place would treat us
differently.
I thought we were special.
Stupid me.
Where are
you going?
Down?