Oh,
weird, isn't it--
boy. It's
Looking over at that podium
and not seeing miles.
Yeah.
Remember the way
he used to sweat before a show.
The way he'd get all bug-eyed
When we'd sneak up behind him
and pop a bag.
The way we'd all clear
When the paramedics put those
little paddles on his chest.
Hello,fyi.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Well, that's kind
Of a lukewarm reception
for someone
Who's just come
from uncle stan's office
And knows who your new
executive producer is.
You know?
Who is it?
Let me just
put it this way.
He's wise, handsome,
immensely talented...
What are you
saying, andrew?
I'm saying this--
Places, people!
We've got a show to do!
No, no, no.
No need to worry.
It's going
to be business as usual.
Seconds to air.
Seconds!
What are you all
waiting for? Let's move!
Move, lard ass!
Not fast enough. You're fired.
Anyone want to be next? Frank?
Miss brown-- love,
love, love the new hairdo
But your look still needs
some pizazz.
There's a wonder bra
in the back for you. Use it.
Listen, you little...
Never mind.
Just arch
your back a lot.
That does it. I'm going
to lansing's office.
Me too.
Oh, that's great.
America is going to be
watching
A bunch of empty chairs
in five...
Four, three, two...
Good evening and welcome to fyi.
Miller redfield
is on assignment.
For your information tonight,
frank fontana reports
On computer criminals
Corky sherwood visits
a fat farm... For dogs
But first up
Murphy brown has
some heady revelations
About the army's
so-called smart bombs. Murphy?
Thank you, jim.
But why don't we open
with frank fontana's
Fascinating computer piece?
Frank?
Oh, thank you, murphy
But I'd rather hear
About corky sherwood's
fat dogs.
Corky?
Thank you, frank
And I'll get to my story
Right after jim's commentary.
Jim?
Thank you, corky.
Yes.
Well, then.
We end our show...
That is, we begin our show
With some final thoughts...
Or rather,
some beginning thoughts...
About the...
All right, stan, what the hell
do you think you're doing?
Uh, well, I was...
Um... Okay.
I was watching
The brain
pinky and
Instead of fyi.
I like that network's
cute little singing frog.
Maybe we should spice up
our mascot
But it's an eye.
Who the hell wants to see
a singing eye?
But wait-- what if we
named it "blinky"?
Blinky, the tap-dancing eye.
Look, we're here about
andrew, stan
Yeah, why would you
Make that little weasel
executive producer?
Why?
Because you seem to love
That little weasel.
"Andrew would make an excellent
executive producer.
Murphy brown."
"Andrew would make a terrific
executive producer.
Corky sherwood."
"Andrew is
the finest human being
"Ever to walk
the face of the earth.
"He's like a god to me.
Frank fontana."
Stan, I didn't
write that letter.
And I didn't
write this.
Nice paper stock.
You didn't.
Hey, listen.
He put the letter
down in front of me
Handed me a pen, and asked me
If I'd ever been buried alive.
Buried alive, murph!
What are you people doing?
We've got a show.
I'm not sure how much longer
jim can keep going.
(Quavering):
I saw a good movie
the other night.
Wasn't as good
as the book, though.
Oh, my god.
I better help jim.
Well, no time to kibitz.
N, andrew.
Hold o
Where do you think
you're going?
Stan, go ahead-- ask him
who wrote those letters.
Well, andrew?
Hmm. These?
Let's see.
(Sniffing)
Hey, this really nice type.
What is it?
A -point helvetica?
Andrew!
All right, I admit it--
I forged these letters.
Well,
most of them anyway.
Okay, stan,
you heard that.
So go ahead--
Fire his sorry butt.
What "fire"?
You think I want him
running around outside
Where I can't
keep an eye on him?
However, I am
going to demote him.
Andrew, I'm assigning you
to the mail room.
Not the mail room.
Anything but the mail room!
You are in the mail room.
Please, uncle stan,
give me another chance.
Give me another chance with fyi.
I'm a poor orphan, remember?
I remember.
Oh, how I hate
to make these decisions
But I will.
Fontana, you decide.
What? Why me?
Why not you, mr. Letter writer?
What are you waiting for?
Do it.
Yes, frank.
What's it going to be?
Well, um...
We do sort of need
a new executive producer.
Frank!
Dump him.
You heard him, andrew.
Report to the mail room
immediately.
Yes, uncle stan.
Here's my executive
parking pass.
My company cell phone
And my key to the secret
employee surveillance room.
Which we do not have.
Well, I guess
this is it.
Good-by, dream
of a lifetime.
Good-by, hopes
and aspirations.
Good-by, frank.
There, you happy now?
Ecstatic,
but we'd be even happier
If you'd let us help you
replace miles.
Do that, but you could
do something else for me.
Anything, stan.
Make that stop!
Oh, no, jim,
back to you.
Oh, no, corky,
back to you.
Oh, no, no, no,
jim, back to you.
No, no, no, corky,
back to you.
Is after this fellow
So let's make sure we're
all on the same page.
Yo, frank!
Hmm?
Are you with us?
Oh, I was just wondering
if the mail has come yet.
Has it?
For crying out loud, frank,
we keep telling you
Andrew won't try
to get back at you.
That would be more reassuring
if you hadn't spent last week
Yelling, "fire in the hole!"
Every time I started my car.
(Bell ringing)
(Humming)
Fyi paycheck time.
Corky, here's
your paycheck.
Jim, here's
one for you.
Ooh, nice, big, fat one
for you, miss brown.
(Humming)
Hey, andrew, uh,
where's my check?
Oh, how careless of me.
Here you are, frank.
Look at this.
Hey, I almost forgot.
What's doing
with the new executive producer?
Line up some hot new golden boy
to replace me yet?
Uh, why do you ask, andrew?
Oh, no reason.
Just wondering.
Wanted to make the guy
feel at home.
Golden boy?
Well, actually, we...
We stopped looking
completely, right, guys?
Where's this hot new
golden boy we're supposed
To be meeting?
Hello. Didn't anybody else
read the memo?
"Meet the guy from / .
May be the guy
we're looking for."
So he's from / .
Plumbing.
/ Plumbing, yeah.
We got this hot new
plumber coming in.
Well, we had no choice.
Frank clogged the sink in
his dressing room-- again.
Again?
Frank, man, how many times
do I have to tell you?
Never ever brush
over the sink.
Come on, in your hands a
comb is like a loaded g*n.
Well, looks like
I've found the right place.
Andrew, sorry you
have to go so soon.
Really, really sorry.
Hi. So glad you
could make it.
What a pleasure.
This is jim dial
Corky sherwood, frank fontana.
I'm murphy brown.
(Clearing throat)
Miller redfield.
I know you're busy, dude,
but listen, uh...
There's this toilet
in my office
And it won't stop running.
Listen, maybe you
could stop by
And take a look
at it later.
I'm not sure
you've got...
You are the best, man.
Thanks.
So, welcome to fyi.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
You know,
I have to tell you--
I'm a huge fan.
If I came aboard, I
wouldn't change a thing.
Well, that's
Exactly what we
wanted to hear.
(Bell ringing)
Oh, hey, new person.
Hello, new person.
Andrew?
Don't worry about me.
Just go about
your business.
Well...
I am curious to hear your views
on the use of unnamed sources.
I'm not real comfortable
with unnamed sources.
I prefer not to use them
But these things
need to be decided
On a case-by-case basis.
(Snorting)
stop it!
E-ex... Excuse me?
No.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Was I breathing too
loud, miss brown?
It's my asthma,
you know.
I nearly d*ed
last summer
But do go on.
It's so fascinating.
Uh, I guess
my point was simply
That we're probably
all better off
If we can get a source
to go on record.
Case in point-- last week
we were trying to...
Excuse me. I have a very
important postal question
I'd like
to discuss with andrew.
You know, she takes
her mail very seriously
Yes.
Yes. I can see that.
Um, may I ask you a question?
Certainly.
Well, it's probably nothing
But it's about murphy.
There are these rumors
floating around
That she's uh... Difficult.
(All laughing)
Nothing could
be further
from the truth.
Wouldn't you say?
The woman's an angel.
Really? Well,
that's a huge relief
Because I have to tell you,
things were getting
A little rocky on the / set.
You won't find
that around here.
This place
Is as peaceful
as a church rectory.
(Clanging and clattering)
(Bell tinkling)
So, where were we?
Uh, there's this...
Um... Thing that I
have got to, uh, do.
Please...
Now,
mr. King...
No, no, no.
This has been great.
Really. Really.
It's been great.
It's just that, uh... Well...
Bye.
Way to go, murphy.
Couldn't you have been
a little more discreet?
Hey, pal
Don't talk to
me about discreet.
Here it comes again.
Now, now, as acting
executive producer
I have to insist
That we not
point fingers.
I remember one time
murrow and sevareid
Got into this
terrible tiff.
They were at
each other like...
Oh, yeah. That's
what we need right now--
Another freaking
murrow story.
Hey, now...
Mr. Dial!
Mr. Dial!
Andrew just barricaded
himself inside studio "b".
Well, we'll be right there.
He's sort of threatening
to off himself.
Quickly.
Murphy?
What?
Doesn't this sort
of solve our problem?
Murphy!
All right.
Andrew:
go ahead and poke.
I'm never coming out
of this vent.
Never! Ow!
Never. Ow!
Never! Ow!
Six minutes
To air, people.
Kay, what do we do
with the audience?
Have jesse the boom guy go
out and show them his tattoo.
The one on his arm.
Marilyn, go
in the green room, would you?
Time
tell jamie farr the show
is still starting on
And, no, he cannot go
across the street
To get a pear.
What on earth
do you think you're doing?
You're not going
to get him out like that.
He's right,
you know.
You've got to do
it more like this.
Ow!
Ah, what an honor--
the famous murphy brown.
We're busy, so could I give you
an autograph another time?
Here, frank. Work
his left shoulder.
I think it's starting
to get tender.
With all the poking
and screaming
I forgot
to introduce myself.
Kay carter-shepley,
executive producer
Of celebrity face-off --
The show that you
and the amazing vent boy
Seem determined
to keep off the air.
Well, if we did, I'd say
we'd be doing you a favor.
Look at this place.
It's like bob barker's head
exploded in here.
All right, all right,
what the hell is going on?
Stan, your nephew
Has crawled into my vent
and he won't come out.
And while I think
he's shrieking
Might actually
liven up the game
You know how easily
tom bosley gets spooked.
What?!
Andrew can't stay
in that vent.
Celebrity face-off
has to go on the air.
It's the linchpin
of my entire network.
Roll something.
But, stan...
You always tell us
fyi is the linchpin
Of your entire network.
You're so sweet.
Bleed sugar.
If you cut yourself,
I bet you'd
Now, get out of my way!
I'm going to make him bleed.
Andrew, come out
of that vent!
Stan... Stan...
Let me have
a word with the boy.
No, no.
Oh, andrew?
Andrew?
It's jim dial.
Listen, son, I'd like
to share a few words with you
That edward r. Murrow himself
once told me.
No! Not murrow!
Couldn't you just poke me
With the stick?
Come on, speed it up.
Speed it up.
I've got a green room
Full of geriatric celebrities
Who are rapidly
losing bone mass.
Yeah, yeah. Keep
your girdle on.
I haven't had
a whack at this t.
Andrew...
Of yours, wasn't it?
Running fyi was sort of a dream
And now that dream
is dead, isn't it, andrew?
No kidding.
Well, I want
you to know
I had a dream die, andrew,
and... And I know how it feels.
It hurts.
It hurts real bad.
So, what was
your dream, miss brown?
What was your dream that d*ed?
My dream? I really don't see
how that's relevant.
No. Go ahead, murphy.
Share your dream
with him, really.
It might help... All of us.
Okay, you want to know
what my dream was?
My dream was...
(Quietly):
I wanted to be a ballerina.
A ballerina?!
Yes, andrew, but the point is
my dream d*ed.
It d*ed,
but it made me stronger.
It made me
the person I am today.
Hoo, hoo, hoo, a ballerina!
So, how about it, andrew?
Will you come out
of the vent now?
Well, you do seem
To understand what
I'm going through.
Oh, I do, andrew.
So, um, what
do you say?
Well...
No! I'm not coming out,
and you can't make me.
I want to run fyi!
I want to run fyi!
I want to run fyi!
Andrew,
do you like presents?
Oh, please.
Yeah.
I've got a lot
of them out here.
Johnny, tell andrew
what he could win.
Johnny:
andrew...
If you come out of the vent,
you could be winging your way
To lovely puerto vallarta,
where you and a guest will stay
For seven fabulous,
fun-filled nights
At the comfort castle
and casino.
Comfort castle, where comfort
always comes first.
Oh, yeah. This
is going to work.
Okay, I'm coming out.
Andrew, my boy...
Come down here,
you little tyke.
Get him the hell out of here!
Wait. I want my presents
Take your hands off me!
What about puerto vallarta?
Ow!
(Snarling)
Good job, kay.
Oh, sure, use johnny.
I didn't know I
could use johnny.
All I had to work
with were my wiles.
And that terrific
ballerina story.
Well, yeah.
?
Was that a cr*ck
What?
That you bared your soul
to room full of people?
That you were
courageous enough
To reveal your deepest,
innermost dream--
To glide daintily
across the stage
In a delicate pink tutu?
Yeah, well...
Was that a cr*ck?
I'd love to chat
But unless you plan
on spinning the big wheel...
(Game show music)
huh?
Johnny:
live from washington, d.c.,
It's celebrity face-off
Where yesterday's stars
meet tomorrow's millionaires
And everybody wins.
Morning, guys.
Where did the chocolates
come from?
I don't know.
"To fyi
from your biggest fan."
Cool. A fan.
Hello, fyi.
Hi, stan.
Want to try
a chocolate?
Mmm! I think
they're belgian.
No, thanks.
Andrew escaped
from security.
They think he's going
around the building
Injecting boxes of candy
with flesh-eating bacteria.
Anyway, I have a name
to run by you
For the new
executive producer.
Stan...
If you say
walter cronkite
I may just have
to kiss you.
While that is an incentive
I think
maybe this is better.
What do you think
about kay carter-shepley?
That witchy
game show lady?
That's not
better than
cronkite.
She's not just
a game show lady.
She's done soap operas
Late night,
children's programming...
She fixed a bunch of shows
for this network.
We don't need fixing,
and we don't need her.
Gee, that's too bad
Because I already
gave her the job.
What?
You're kidding!
Kay!
Stan.
They are thrilled
to have you!
Thrilled!
But if you happen to
find yourself on fire
Remember--
It's stop,
drop and roll.
Play nice!
Look, I know that this
is awkward for everyone
But if you just
give it some time--
You're from
a game show, right?
Let me tell you how
our little game is played.
We give you
a category like
"People who will never
be executive producers of fyi."
Then we supply you
with clues
Like "stalin,"
"tv's potsie," "you."
Look,
I know you think
I'm some
game show gumby
Who's going
to ruin fyi
But I'm going to prove to you
I'm the right person
for this job.
After all,
wasn't it edward r. Murrow
Who once said
"The only measure
of a journalist
Should be his thirst for truth"?
Is that true, jim?
Well, yes.
Yes, it is.
Well, I have that thirst.
Don't you think
miles silverberg would tell you
That's the very quality
that made him
Such a great executive producer.
Corky?
Is that true,
Yes.
Yes, it is.
So how about it?
What do you say
we work together
And take fyi into
the next millennium?
I like to do
danger stories.
You're my man.
Well...
I suppose we owe you
at least a chance.
Jim.
Yeah. Good luck.
Thank you, corky.
Murphy?
No, no, no. Murphy doesn't
have to say anything.
But you'll see, sis.
I'm going
to win you over.
And I'm going
to do it
By being the best damned
executive producer
You've ever had.
O you say?
Come on, murph,
what d
Yeah, murphy,
give her a chance.
Slugger, she
seems willing
to do her best.
You know, I bet
andrew's still available.
Slugger.
Come on.
Murphy.
Oh, all right.
Welcome aboard.
Thank you, murphy.
Thank you, all.
I can't tell you
How much I appreciate
this show of support.
I will do everything I can
to earn your respect.
That said...
You cross me...
I will shred you
like chinese chicken.
(Laughing loudly)
No, I really will.
So, everybody
be here tomorrow
: A.m sharp,
with a urine sample.
And... Fontana...
It better be your own.
Have a nice night.
Hi, kay.
She's nice. I like her.
Chocolate?
Hey...
Cool.
That's weird.
Do you feel like
you're being watched?
Who was that?
Why you...
Get the hell
out of there!