06x07 - This Year's Riot

[bunniefuu]

Help!

Which is the best beach?

- Paradise.
- It's going nude this summer.

There's power in numbers.

I wish you hadn't done that.

I'm just scared! Oh, no. Help!

Oh, Russell!

You gotta help me stop
whoever gave you this drug.

I'm telling you, Grossman says
his uncle's place has everything.

Its own beach, a catamaran,
fireplace, a microwave...

The complete vacation awaits us.

Just BYOG. Bring Your Own Girls.

Hey, this is Balboa Days
weekend on Ocean Island.

They stock the beaches.

All the experienced angler's
got to do is reel them in.

Yeah? What pound
line do you use?

Yeah, think about
something for a minute

while I see what's going
on on the other side.

Hi.

Must be getting awfully
crowded back there, Boz.

Oh, yeah.

Boz, you promised.

Boz?

Okay, okay.

You gotta give him a kiss.

One Tina coming up.

Oh, yeah, I like
that. Pleasure trip.

Hi.

- You keep your eyes on the road!
- Okay, on the road, I got it.

Oh, no.

It figures.

Let the dummy do the driving
and look what happened.

Maybe we should turn back
before something else happens.

No way, Russell.

The worst that can happen is they'll
give you a ticket for reckless driving.

Can I see your driver's license?

Cheer up, Russell.

Think of it as just
one of the many "firsts"

you're gonna
experience this weekend.

- Vacation.
- Man, I love that word.

Forty-eight hours of
non-stop, uninterrupted party.

I can hear the music now.

Hey, even a hot dog like
you has gotta get some sleep.

No way, you're looking at
a young, virile, party animal.

You don't have to
keep up with me, Ponch.

Well, excuse me, party
animal. I'll just watch your smoke.

You drew duty, Nelson.

What?

Sorry, but half of my
shift is out with the flu.

All aboard for the
Balboa Days Express.

Boarding in 20 minutes.

Half hour?

An hour?

They drew duty.

Getraer said Bobby
was the low man.

- Oh, no.
- Yes, so what does that make me?

The low man's keeper.

All right, this is the assignment.
You'll be split shifting.

- Ah, Sarge...
- Look, I'm in no mood for arguments.

And you're gonna have
your hands full this weekend.

You'll be patrolling b*at 23.

Where's that, Death Valley?

- That's Ocean Island Beach, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Oh, Sarge.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm sorry, you see, I'm a Latin,

and we're emotional people.

Yeah? Well, I'm
Dutch, and we're not.

Well, that's great, then you
can still stay at my uncle's place.

Hey, just remember
what you're down there for.

A weekend at the beach.

While I'm riding a
desk at Central, alone.

You got the Sarge
to keep you company.

Great.

Last turn, let's burn.
- Go for it.

Well, that was fun, big brother.

Nothing like a couple of
turns to settle the mind.

Well, it's back to the academy.

Murdoch says you're doing great.

Well, you know Murdoch.

"Cadet Nelson, deliver or die!"

He says you'd be doing better if you
wouldn't be chasing those girls so much.

Me? Girls?

Wouldn't think of it.

Get out of here.

Hey!

Hurry up and graduate so we
can get you to do some real work.

The Ocean Island Ferry will be
ready to board in three minutes.

All pedestrians, please
have your tickets ready.

All vehicles with reservations
for the 10:00 a.m. ferry,

should now be in
the two outside lanes.

All standby vehicles should be
in the lane furthest to the right.

All right, let's move it. Get back
to your cars. Start your engines.

That's right, bring it a little
forward here now. Bring it up here.

Hey, Bobby.

Why don't you come
up and catch some rays?

By the time the ferry gets
over here and we load up

and get over to the island, we're
gonna have to suit up and roll.

I've sighted about five
infractions in the last five minutes.

It's the Balboa Days spirit. It's
a "cut" weekend, anything goes.

How do we handle it?

Very, very carefully.

The trick to this situation is
separating the few baddies...

Hi.

From all the goodies.

So, welcome to the weekend.

- I'm Jane, that's Jill.
- Hi. Which is the best beach?

- Paradise.
- It's going nude this summer.

Uh, isn't that illegal?

They can't arrest everyone!

Bye-bye.

- Bye.
- Weekend spirit, huh?

That's it, keep coming. Come
on, keep it moving, let's go.

Right up here.
Come on, bring it up.

Here we go.

This is gonna put me in
the doper's hall of fame.

Feast your eyes
on crystallized MDA.

I think I'll call
it the love drug.

And you, my dear, are
gonna be the first to test it out.

- 'Cause I love you, Lily.
- Thanks a lot.

Later, okay?

Okay, lady, come on.
Move it on out now.

On behalf of the
Harbor Commission,

we hope you have a pleasant
Balboa Days weekend on Ocean Island.

Hi.

- Ponch, we gotta do something.
- We will.

- Ponch, we gotta bust these bozos now.
- Take it easy, okay?

You come down too hard and
we'll have a riot on our hands.

Come on, help me
take the top off the bikes.

We claim this vessel
in the name of Balboa!

On second thought,

maybe not.

Getraer hates riots.

Great place, huh, Ponch?

Right, let's hear it
for Grossman's uncle.

Hey, guys, we're over here.

Yeah, welcome to
Fort Apache the Beach.

What's going on here?
Who are these kids?

These are Grossie's
little cousin's friends.

Well, to be more precise,
his friend's friends.

Yeah, they're staying here, too.

- Apparently his little cousin...
- With the overactive glands.

Hey, fellas, come on.

Well, he never told his father that
he and his buddies were coming here.

It's on the QT.

Don't worry, it's
gonna be wonderful.

The important
thing is, you made it.

- Boy, are we gonna have a great time.
- Russell!

Excuse me.

Will you leave
me alone, Russell?

Hey, what are you
trying to do with that stuff?

Cover her. Boz says
it really turns her on.

Oh, Guys, uh, this
is my cousin, Russell.

We've already met.

- They gave me a ticket.
- Only one.

- But it should've been more.
- You're kidding?

Russell, why didn't
you tell me this?

Uncle Artie, I got to get
back to my friends, really.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Hey, Grossman, you sure
this is gonna work out?

No.

But I promised him I
wouldn't tell his dad he's here.

It's a big weekend
for him, Ponch.

- I mean, he just turned 16.
- Trying to hit 21 by Monday.

He'll be all right.

We're just gonna have
to put on the blinders a bit.

Come on, huh, I'll
show you around.

Come on, you guys. I'll help you
with your gear and get you situated.

Sure.

Think you can, uh, squeeze
in a swim before you roll?

Well, maybe we could, uh...

FEMALE DISPATCHER:
15MARY-6 and 7,

check on a major disturbance
at 310 Neptune Road.

15-MARY-6 and 7 will respond.

10-4, MARY-6.

Cancel one swim.

Can't you read?

This is not a public
street. This is private.

Now, get this thing out of here.

My lord, everybody's out here.

Hey, big. Big 4-2.

You got yourself a car up there?

- That's the guy.
- You got big shoulders and a big mouth.

How about you girls?
You got a car up here?

All right, well you get
on up there and move it.

This is a private street.

Well, we didn't know it was.

Whether you know or not,
there's a big sign right there.

And stay off the flowers!

My wife raises those flowers and I
don't want you trampling through them.

Hey, big 4-2.

- Is that your car?
- Yes, it's my car.

Well, let's move it. It's
parked in front of my garage.

- You wanna move it?
- Yes, I'm moving. You move your car...

That's not my car.

And you and your nudie
friends can just sit here

'cause here come the police.

I've never seen anything
like it. It's unbelievable.

Nesbit! Have you ever seen
anything worse than this?

- It's terrible, I agree.
- It gets worse every year.

Just cool off. Now,
what's going on here?

These two just
backed into my garage.

And these ladies are about to
run down a couple of cars here.

Hey, hey, wait a minute!

Help!

Help, help us, please!

Hurry! She's caught
in some netting.

Help!

You said something
about wanting a swim.

Hey, Hot Dog! Wait a minute.
If you don't take that stuff off,

- you're not gonna come out.
- Help!

She's stuck.

Help!

Come on in, Bobby,
the water's fine.

You better watch out.
There's cops up there.

Give me a break, will you?

What's the matter with you?

You didn't take that
love drug yet, did you?

Lily, how am I gonna
start selling it to people

if my own girlfriend
won't even take it?

I wanna go skating first.

Okay. It's perfect for skating.

It's mellow, baby.

I promise you, you'll
be gliding on rainbows.

- But I'm scared.
- Hey.

You forgot who
made it. It's me, Doc.

The chemistry wiz at the university,
remember? Your boyfriend.

You still have it, don't you?

You're not gonna chicken out
on your boyfriend now, are you?

That's my angel.

Now go skate.

I wanna hit some of the beach
parties and maybe do a little business.

I'll catch you later.

Lily?

You're gonna be my
best advertisement.

You're trespassing here.

You're illegally parked
and you're trespassing.

- So get those cars out of here right now.
- Sir?

What, you call
yourselves police officers?

That's a laugh.

You put that hatchet
down, mister, right now.

- Put it down.
- All right.

But you better call
out the National Guard,

because we're gonna
m*ssacre that bunch.

Wrong.

We know you got a real complaint
here, and we sympathize with you.

But nobody is going to be
hurt over a trespassing violation.

- Is that clear?
- Just look at them all.

Where are they going?

They're going over
to the nudie beach.

Look, I'm sorry. We'll see what we
can do about this tomorrow, okay?

Ponch, look.

Officer, you better do something
because this is private property

and we pay our taxes.

All right.

Arrest those two, go on.

Bobby, how are you?

Hey.

You're under arrest for
trespassing on private property.

- What?
- You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.

You have a right to an attorney,

and to have him present with
you when you are being questioned.

I'm telling you, Ponch, PONCH:

we didn't know there
was a nude beach there.

- Sure, Grossie.
- Yeah, sure.

Listen. We were sheep. We
were just following the crowd.

We had no idea it was
a private beach. Honest.

Right, well, it's all
gonna be in the report.

Hey, you're not gonna
tell Getraer, are you?

Hey, I have to man.

I can't withhold
information from a superior.

I've got my partner to think
about. He's still on probation.

- You're lucky we were there.
- Yeah.

- Say we were working undercover.
- Sure.

- Yeah, undercover.
- On a nude beach?

All good things must come
to an end. Time to go to work.

Can't hear you.

Hey, your split
shift is starting.

I wish all those kids
weren't older than Russell.

Okay, last play. Option to me.

Boz, you haven't
let me do a thing yet.

That's because I'm
saving you for the end.

Okay, Russell through
the middle on two.

Right.

Hut, hut!

Over here, over here!

- Hey, wait a second.
- Yeah.

Last one in the water
is a virgin for life.

Hey, that's really mean, Boz.

No, that's funny.

Hey, Russell, you all right?

I'm fine, I'm
having a great time.

- You sure?
- Yeah, yeah. I am.

Don't.

What do I know?

This weekend will probably be the
best thing that ever happened to him.

If he lives that long.

- Over here.
- Come on.

Hey, man, you okay?

Come on, let's
get you out of here.

Yeah, I'm okay.

Hey, man, your friends don't
know where it's at. I mean...

If they did, they'd
be high right now.

I mean, look at them.

But I can tell you're different.

- Really.
- Yeah.

That's why I decided to
lay a little magic on you.

What's that?

This, my friend,
is the love drug.

You take this

and in about an hour, you'll
be on the Ecstasy Express...

I don't do dr*gs.

Hey, it's the perfect
time for you to graduate.

I mean, really, you take this

and your friends
will see the real you.

Hey, man, I promise you

they're all gonna come running
for Doc's bag of magic tricks.

Only, uh, they're
gonna have to pay for it.

You just got yours for free.

- I'm b*at.
- We should have napped instead of sailed.

There's no problem here. These
kids are dragging worse than us.

That's why I'm worried.

Officer? Officer?

She's conscious.
You can see her now.

- Is she out of danger?
- Yeah, we think so.

A major artery was severed,

but your stopping the bleeding till
we got there made all the difference.

- What was she on?
- Some kind of a homemade psychedelic.

Lily, this is Officer
Poncherello.

- He helped bring you in here.
- No.

Don't be afraid, Lily.

- You wanna bust me?
- No.

I want to bust whoever it
was that gave you this drug.

But I need your help.

- No.
- Hey, careful. Careful now.

Easy, all right?

Don't ruin my investment.

I've got a pint of my
best blood in here.

You gave me blood?

So don't worry, you're
gonna be all right.

You're gonna come out of this
and you're gonna smile again.

- You think so?
- Sure.

It'll just take time.

Lily?

You gotta help me stop
whoever gave you this drug.

No, I can't.

- I have to sleep.
- No. No.

Listen to me.
Listen to me, Lily.

There are too many
innocent kids down here

trying so hard to pack a whole
summer into one weekend.

And they'll do anything.

Do you want this
to happen to them?

- Do you?
- No.

Then tell me.

It was my boyfriend.

She's feeling the
effects of the sedative.

I don't know how
long she'll be out.

Well, however long it takes,
I'll be here when she wakes up.

Her boyfriend.

Boz?

Are you sure that's Paradise?

I mean, it seems awful
early in the morning

for anybody to be at the beach.

Oh, outstanding,
not to be believed.

Come on, I'll give you
this for the glasses.

It's a love drug. It's
supposed to be great.

dr*gs are for losers.

I don't need anything
to impair my, oh, vision.

I don't see anything.
The beach is empty.

Fake out! Had
you going, didn't I?

You know, you're really
starting to make me mad.

I don't think I want you
staying here anymore.

- What?
- You don't keep your promises.

Okay.

But you're not gonna find
out what I had planned for you.

- What?
- Never mind.

With the snit you're in, you're
probably not ready for any

real excitement.

Yes, I am.

- Come on!
- Okay.

I am.

Oh, this feels so great.

Just to get the sand off
my body, and the salt water.

It's all in my hair...

- See that?
- Ha-ha!

Go ahead, just
straddle the bars.

Is the temperature okay?

Come on, let's turn
up the hot water.

Ow, ow! Hot, hot.

- Whoa-oh!
- Russell, what is...

You know, Russell,
you're really sick!

No, no!

I'm sorry!

What am I gonna do with you?

- Try cooling him off.
- Are you all right?

Leave me alone.

Cousin Russell.

It's your uncle Artie,
who loves you very much.

The hardest thing about
growing up is making friends.

Sometimes the people you
think are your friends, really aren't.

Go away.

- Russell, I'm just...
- Go away!

Just go away.

- Excuse me, Sarge?
- Yeah.

I got the information that Ponch
wanted on that Ocean Island dope dealer.

Suspected dope
dealer, Cadet Nelson.

Don't let your enthusiasm
get the best of you.

Okay, how about
"heavily suspected"?

I also ran him
through the computer.

He's been under surveillance
by the campus police

for dealing everything from
disco dust to bathtub PCP.

I only asked you to
run the registration.

Just being thorough, Sarge.

Good, I like that.

- Uh, Sarge?
- Mmm?

I was hoping...

Well, go on, you
were hoping what?

That maybe you'd let me ride
patrol today. With Webster?

Cadet Nelson,

uh,

every w*r has its nerve center.

Where the generals
plan the battles

and the orderlies put
those plans into action.

Well, Cadet Nelson.

This is the CHP nerve center.

And you are my orderly.

How's that sound to you?

Dull, dreary and boring, sir.

How'd you sleep?

Considering what we
heard in town last night,

you're gonna need to be fresh.

Crowds are gonna be
flocking to Paradise today.

Cora Dwayne is coming.

- Who?
- Cora Dwayne.

A former Miss Nude Planet.

Seems Paradise
started on her beach.

- Miss Nude Planet?
- Shh!

The last thing I want
is Russell knowing.

I think he already does.

He ate three jars of
oysters for breakfast.

You really ought to
talk to him, Grossie.

I think his head's
not on straight.

He keeps tripping
over his imagination.

I know.

But our family's
always been like that.

We have to stumble
before we soar.

How's the girl?

Her name's Lily, and
she's gonna make it.

We got an appointment
with a Dr. Goodtimes.

A certain pusher who's
gonna become history.

Hey, hey, excuse me.

Hey, like, I'm
looking for my girl.

Like, you know, she's
like blonde and really cute.

You know? Hey, hey, I was
with her yesterday, remember?

- Oh, yeah, she was a doll.
- Yeah.

No, I haven't seen her.

- Swell.
- Hey!

What I want to know is,

what was with this
chick we heard about?

These hodads said that
she was tripping last night

and freaked out right
through a glass window.

Just what kind of pollution
are you selling, anyway?

Get off my case, will
you? Hey, listen, man!

It's always "buyers beware."

Hey, get bent!

Yeah, I remember Lily
from the ferry yesterday.

I think she was with this
curly-haired guy in an ambulance.

- Can you ID him?
- Maybe.

I need a definite.

There's his car.
He can't be far.

Yeah, but he doesn't have to be
too far to do any more damage.

Will you call the description of
this vehicle in to the ferry master?

I don't want there to be a chance
that this slime could slip away.

Ponch.

I just made him,
and that's a definite.

And he calls me a hot dog.

Hey, man, it was all a mistake,
man. I can explain everything.

Really?

Yeah, well, Lily says hello.

- Please don't hurt me, all right?
- Turn around, put your hands on your head.

Come on!

"dr*gs are for losers."

That's me.

A loser.

Russell?

Russell?

Russell.

Um,

I wanna apologize. Um...

Sit down.

Boz can really be a jerk
sometimes, you know?

I mean, we shouldn't
have come here.

We were just using
you, and that's not right.

Where is everybody?

They're playing in town.

And you stayed
here to tell me that?

Yeah, I guess.

Well...

I thought that maybe
if you didn't hate me,

well, you could take me
for a ride on your catamaran.

You know, I've
never been on a boat.

Well, sure! I...

Hey, I'd understand if
you don't wanna go. Really.

- No. Let's shove off.
- Okay.

You ready? Now, push.

- Do you know what you're doing?
- Sure.

How are we supposed to get off
the beach? What's your problem?

- Keep back! I'm warning you!
- What is this?

Are you gonna blow us
away for being on the beach?

Try it! Just try it!

The tide's coming in!

Put that shotgun down.

But those people
are trying to trespass.

Put it down. And I'm not
going to tell you again!

That was an accident.
I've got a permit for it.

Hey. If you ever take that out
here again, then you're going to jail.

You don't sh**t
people for trespassing.

Look, Officer, we're not
gonna take it anymore.

We're decent people.

It's one thing to have a
couple of dozen weirdoes

gallivanting around
on a nude beach,

but this Sunday, it's
becoming a bloody circus.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Yeah, well, you can't
block the beach, mister.

A lot of people are going
to get hurt, it's high tide.

Right. And our private property
line comes to the high tide mark.

True, Nesbit? He's a lawyer.

All right, but their
safety comes first.

- I'm sorry, but I gotta let them pass.
- No!

Let them, Bill. The police
are trying to do their best.

It's okay. Come on up. Let's go.

Come on. MAN: Don't push.

Help me up. - Don't push.

Sir, about Cora Dwayne.
How do we get to her place?

Well, she lives up on top
of Scholl Canyon Drive.

But if you think talking with
her is gonna solve anything,

you're making a grave mistake.

I miss anything?

If we can get Cora Dwayne in
line, maybe the rest will follow.

Who is Cora Dwayne?

Oh, I forgot to tell
you. Miss Nude Planet.

We have to exhaust
all leads, don't we?

Forgot to tell me.

You collect stamps?

You're kidding,
I'm into that, too.

You are? - Yes, but...

- But I don't like to tell everybody.
- Why?

Just seemed kind of like
it's stupid or something.

But, well, I've been
into it since I was eight.

I was five.

You see, my dad was
on this trip to Europe.

And I started saving the
stamps from his letters.

And, you know, now
I have six full albums.

One is entirely dedicated to
Western Indian commemoratives.

- Commemoratives?
- Commemoratives.

- I'd like to see that.
- Well, why don't you come by sometime?

Well, I will. It's a date.

Russell, is something wrong?
- No, I'm dizzy.

- Russell, are you okay?
- No.

Russell.

Make it stop!

Make it stop!

Russell, what's wrong?

Your first nude beach?
- I'll never tell.

It's all right. I'd never
believe you anyway.

Do you get the feeling
we're overdressed?

Easy tiger, I'm
responsible for you.

Excuse me.

We're looking for a
Miss Cora Dwayne.

I am Cora Dwayne.

Miss Dwayne, may we come in?

We've got a lot of complaints
from your neighbors.

Well, boys, don't tell me about
those prudes, because I grew up here.

Nudists are not nudist.

They are naturists.

The sea is freedom from fabrics.

Isn't that a lovely philosophy?

We're not here to debate you.

We need your help in putting
an end to Paradise this weekend.

There's going to be hundreds
of people coming today.

That's the trouble, ma'am.

They're causing a lot of
problems for your neighbors.

- There are laws.
- The laws must change.

But not this weekend.

I'm warning you.

Please don't go any further.

But I can do what I want.

This is my beach.

Not if your
actions incite a riot.

If you disrobe, I'll have to arrest
you and everyone on this beach.

Well, you can't arrest everyone.

There's power in numbers.

I wish you hadn't done that.

You're under arrest.

All right, everyone listen up!

We're gonna call
headquarters for transportation.

Am I gonna need a
bus or a squad car?

'Cause if I don't
see fabric back on,

you're all gonna be
tanning in a cell till Monday.

Can he do that?

Decision's all yours.

Let them arrest you.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of.

Hey.

Come on, why ruin
a nice weekend, ah?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Why was I born

ahead of my time?

So you arrested
Cora Dwayne, huh?

Yeah, how could you?

Hey, we didn't
like it either, guys.

What's gonna happen when you're
called into court to identify her?

No problem, we had
terrific eye contact.

- Terrific.
- That's because we're both professionals.

No one said this job
doesn't take discipline.

But as Cora Dwayne said when
the Sherriff was taking her away

in the largest pair of prison
gray slacks I've ever seen,

"I can't wait to
get out of this."

Come on, sun. Do me.

I'm freaking...
I'm freaking out!

How do we get this
boat out of the water?

I don't know. I
can't think. Help me!

I will. I'm just scared! I don't
know anything about boats!

Oh, no. Help!

Russell!

Help!

I'd really like to take one
more turn on that catamaran.

It's out. Tina and
Russell are using it.

Really? This I gotta see.

They're right out
there in the bay.

- I don't see them.
- Grossie,

you have all the makings
of an overprotective parent.

There they are. But
the boat's turned over.

I don't see Russell!

Ponch, it is.

All right, you come with me,
Bobby. You call the Coast Guard.

I'll do it.

They're gonna hit the rocks!

Please hold still!

Stop that! Russell, calm down!

Russell!

Help!

Help! Please, help us!

Help! Help!

Help!

They got them.

- Hungry, Boz?
- That's mean.

- No, that's funny!
- No, that's funny!

Could I have everyone's
attention, please?

Now, I don't wanna
make a big deal about it,

but I think now's the
time, as we gather together

- in front of this beautiful fireplace...
- Later, Grossie.

Much later, huh?

Let him, Ponch,
he's really wound up.

Yeah, he feels responsible
for what happened to Russell.

What are you, my psychiatrist?

No, that's only part of it.

I've cosmically
grown this weekend.

I think we all have.

Now, I just want us
all to close our eyes

and remember all
we've been through.

Now, open them,

and lift our glasses
in a heartfelt toast

to the real heroes of
Balboa Days weekend.

Frank Poncherello,

and Bobby Nelson.

- Hip hip...
- Hooray!

- Hip hip...
- Hooray!