05x03 - The Evans Get Involved: Part 3

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You're
out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' And survivin' ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' In a chow line ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪

You know, Willona, meat costs
as much as jewelry these days.

I was gonna have the
butcher engrave my pork chops.

[LAUGHS]

Um, Willona, I saw
your body get off the bus,

but is your mind still on it?

Why would you say that?

Well, because you just put
the toilet paper in the freezer.

Oh.

Well, I didn't
want it to go bad.

You know, what's really
bothering me is Penny.

It's been two days
now, and no one knows

what's going on
with mother or child.

They just disappeared.

Well, even if we knew, we
couldn't do anything about it.

I know, but when they was here,

if she got in trouble, she
could come to one of us.

But who's she got to go to now?

Eh, well, I'll talk
to you later, hon.

Okay, Willona. Thank
you for helping me. Mm-hm.

Hey, Willona, wait a minute.
You forgot your cleaning.

Willona?

Hey, Willona, it's me.

[WHISPERS] Anybody home?

WILLONA: Oh, hello, Mrs.
Carpenter. So nice to see you.

Any news about
Penny... or her mother?

No, nothing, I'm afraid.

I was on a case in
the neighborhood

and just thought I'd stop by.

Well, come in. Come
on in. Thank you, I will.

THELMA: Want some
tea Oh, no. or something?

But I want you both to
know that we are using

every means at our disposal
to track down Mrs. Gordon.

Oh, I know the
first place to look.

In every store that
sells boxing gloves.

I understand how
concerned you both are,

but you must remember,

the child's mother's
in need of help too.

Yeah, right.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Yeah, trust me, little bro'.
I got a foolproof scheme

to get rid of these
leftover carnival goldfish

and make a profit
at the same time.

Hey, look here, Michael. Huh.

How was I to know
that none of those fools

down at the A&P were willing
to take a chance of a lifetime?

J.J., I was the only
fool down there.

You know why? That's
because I listened to another one

of your dumb schemes.

Michael, one day one
of my dumb schemes

is gonna make us all rich.

Then I'll be known
as J. Paul Ghetto.

Michael and J. Paul
Ghetto, we do have company.

Oh, hey there, Miss Carpenter.
Look here, you find Penny yet?

No, I'm sorry.

Hey, this is just a wild hunch,
but did you two business tycoons

have any trouble getting
rid of the little goldfishes?

Willona, we couldn't
even give them away.

That's because
Michael here won't listen

to the entrepreneur.

Oh, yeah? Well, get a load
of what J.J. wanted me to say:

[CLEARS THROAT] You
say you don't like pets.

We don't care.

You say you don't have
a bowl? We don't care.

You say fish give you
hives? We don't care.

You say you don't have a
quarter to pay for these fish?

[DEEP VOICE] We care.

[LAUGHING]

Well, I hope we
can find somebody

to give these little
fish a home. Yeah.

Oh, well, why don't
you set them free?

Hey, Miss Carpenter, you
know, that's a good idea.

I'm gonna dump these
jokers in Lake Michigan.

Oh, dear, I didn't mean
for him to k*ll them.

Yeah, poor Michael's just
about to commit fish-icide.

Oh, excuse me. I am going
to be late for my appointment.

Now I'm gonna really
have to, um, hustle my butt.

Ooh. Very good, Mrs. Carpenter.

Good. Later.

"Later." Oh, I'm gonna have
to remember that one too.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, it sure is nice to know
someone is worried about Penny

beside us, huh? Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna go do
my ironing. Wait a minute.

Since you helped me with the
groceries, why don't you stay

and have the last piece of
cake I baked as a reward, huh?

Not eating Thelma's cooking
at all is reward enough.

J.J., there are two things
in life that I never say no to.

One of them is a piece of cake.

[LAUGHING]

And the other is a piece
of cake with ice cream.

Hey, that's weird. It's gone.

WILLONA: What? Yeah.

Now, I know that cake
was in here this morning.

J.J., what are you doing?

Looking for dead roaches.

[LAUGHS]

Because if they ate that cake,

they couldn't have got too far.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[KNOCKING]

All right. Where is she?

Where's who? You know who.

Penny. She's run away.

Thank God.

[LAUGHS]

But she isn't here.

Who are you trying to kid.
Where else would she go?

Hold it! Hey, hey, hey.

Where do you think you going?

Look, this is none of your
business, so just butt out.

Butt out? Honey, I
ain't started buttin' in yet.

You listen to me. You
just get outta my way

because I am going to
look in those bedrooms.

You can't come barging in somebody's
house and looking in their bedrooms.

I can if they're hiding my kid.

Hiding? Right.
Nobody hiding your kid.

[ARGUING]

Ladies, ladies, ladies,
take it easy, take it easy.

Take it easy, now. Stop
cackling like gooses!

Settle it down.

I am not leaving here
until I get my child.

Hmmph. In that case,
I'll help you look for her.

And we'll see how small you
feel when she's not in here...

for instance.

Penny? Penny?

Or in here... which happens to
be our porcelain facility where,

as you can see,
there are nothing but

Thelma's unmentionables
hanging in their usual place:

all over.

J.J., gimme those, you fool.

Or you can see she's
not hiding under here.

All right, all right,
don't be funny.

Maybe I was wrong.

It's obvious she's not here.

Hey, wait a minute, now.
Don't quit on me now.

Just when I was
starting to get warm.

We haven't checked
in the, uh, closet yet.

Look, would you stop him.

J.J., the woman's leaving.

Not until she's seen everything.

[CLEARS THROAT] On second
thought, maybe she has seen everything.

Look... I'm sorry I
barged in the way I did.

We accept your
apologies. Here's your door.

Just... Just one minute.

I got something I've gotta say.

No you don't, Willona.

Look, honey, I don't
know what your problem is,

but I've seen enough of Penny
to know her problem is you.

I don't have to hang
around and listen to this.

That's right, you don't.
Um, Miss Gordon.

I heard of a group called
Parents Anonymous.

And it's like, a lot of
people get together

with the same problems you
have and they help each other.

Oh, is that so? Yeah.

Well, you listen
Miss High and Mighty.

You just get off
your soapbox, hear,

and stop trying to save me.

What do you know
about me anyway?

Any of you?

We know one thing.

You've been using that
child as a punching bag.

That child. Is that all you
can talk about is "that child"?!

What about me?
You think it's easy

raising that kid
without a father?

Big deal.

I was raised without a father.

My mother didn't
go upside my head.

Well then you were lucky, baby.

Because my family went upside,
downside and across mine.

I've had to scuffle all my life!

Honey, you don't own the
rights or the patent on scuffling.

I been on my own
since I was 16 years old.

Well, that's fine for you,
because when you were 16,

you didn't have to worry
about nobody but yourself.

Me, when I was
16, I was pregnant.

And I didn't have a dime.

With a man that ran off and
left before Penny was even born.

That happens
every day in a week.

You coulda done
something about it.

Done something?
Sister, I did do something.

I carried that baby and I
made a living for myself

at the same time.

And I wanted to do those things,
but when the baby was born,

what did she do for me, huh?

What did she do for me? Nothing!

I can't even keep a man
on account of Penny.

If it wasn't for her all
the time needin' things,

wanting things... [SOBBING]

maybe I'd have some happiness.

Now she's gone off and
caused me more trouble.

God, haven't I had enough?

[CRYING] Don't cry,
Mama. Please don't.

So you weren't hiding her, huh?

What is this? You
lied to me, all of you!

Mama, they didn't
know I was here.

I sneaked in and took some
cake because I was hungry.

Then I heard someone
coming. I got scared and hid.

Please, can we go home now?

Home?

Oh, sure, we can go right home.

Miss Gordon, do
yourself a favor.

Get some help.
You need it so badly.

Remember I told you
about Parents Anonymous?

Parents Anon...? What
are they gonna do for me?

Huh? Are they
gonna pay all my bills?

Are they gonna
solve my problems?

They might help
you find yourself.

I mean, they can help you
understand your frustrations

so you can deal with them.

And probably suggest
some kind of therapy.

Oh, therapy?

Oh, so now you
think I'm crazy, huh?

Hey, look here, Miss Gordon.

Everybody needs a little
brain straightening out

once in a while.

I mean, even me.

Miss Gordon, if you keep
on the way you're going,

the cops are gonna
stomp all over you, honey.

Now you listen.
This here is my kid.

And I'm gonna handle
her any way I want to.

Just like my family handled me.

Come on, Penny. Oh, Miss Gordon.

You stay out of my face!

Stay out of my face with all
the stuff you're laying on me.

I got enough trouble of my own.

Mama... Keep your
cool, Miss Gordon.

Shut up, you.

Now, I've had enough
of your preaching.

I've had enough of you
strangers messing in my business.

I've had enough of you
bothering me all the time.

I want some peace...
Oh... Oh, God.

Not again.

I gotta get outta here.
Wait for me, Mama.

No, I'll be back.
I need some air.

Miss Gordon, now
will you get some help?

Would...? Please think about it.

I am thinking about it.

I'm thinking that
maybe this time

I'm the one that's gonna run
away from home for a change.

There's a life out
there somewhere,

and I'm gonna
have me a hunk of it.

Don't do this to Penny.
Don't leave her like this.

You can't leave your child.

She deserves
something better than me.

Miss Gordon...

Hey. Had a long
talk with your mom

and everything's gonna be okay.

Hey, what do you say we all play
some cards? Some Whist? Tonk?

Hey, you know what we can do?

Maybe there's
something good on TV.

Like a good spooky movie.

How about us playing checkers
and look at TV at the same time.

THELMA: That's fun.

Oh, I know what we could do.

We could all take off our shoes

and pick up some
marbles with our toes.

[LAUGHS] J.J., got any marbles?

No, he done lost his marbles.

She isn't coming back, is she?

I don't know for sure, honey.

She isn't.

Better call Mrs. Carpenter.

Mama won't go to jail, will she?

No, no. I don't want
She's not. her to go to jail.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Yes, everything is
gonna be all right.

See, Dr. J.J.'s
gonna spread cheer.

Calm the troubled waters with
his astonishing and amazing

psychological
insight to the situation.

Boogedy-boogedy-
boogedy-boogedy-boo!

Woods, Willona Woods.

I have a very important
message for Mrs. Carpenter.

When do you expect her back?

J.J., we have to cheer
her up. Do something.

All right. Penny, you
just happen to be in luck.

Because now you can see
my world famous impression

of a fly flying through
a fog of Black Flag.

Check this out.

Spray can.

[IMITATES SPRAYING]

Flying.

[SINGING] ♪ Oh what a beautiful
morning Oh what a beautiful day ♪

♪ I got... ♪

[IMITATES FLY CHOKING]

[LAUGHS]

That's funny, J.J. Die again.

Well, when she gets in
tomorrow, please have her call us.

It's very urgent.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

Well, there's nothing
more we can do now.

Penny will have to stay over.

Penny, how would you like
to stay over with someone

who likes you very, very much
and would like nothing better

than to have a sweet,
dear little girl stay over?

Hm? Oh, boy.

I get to sleep with J.J.

I just love your
apartment, Willona.

Oh, thank you, honey.

[PHONE RINGING]

Telephone, Willona. Will
you get it for me, baby?

Hello?

Who's calling, please?

Just a minute. I'll
see if she's home.

Willona? Hm?

It's some dude named Elroy.

He wants to know
if you're free tonight.

Oh, that joker?

Try to get rid of
him for me, honey.

What will I say? I don't
care. Tell him anything.

Uh, I'm sorry, but
Willona isn't home.

Where? Uh... She went to India.

You see, her uncle d*ed
and left her a million dollars.

And a castle. But, see, she
had to go over there and live in it.

I think she's
gonna raise camels.

And she gets to have
servants and genies,

and a harem and everything.

So she won't be
back until tomorrow.

Bye, Mr. Joker.

Honey, what did you tell him?

I told him you couldn't
make it tonight. Good girl.

Now, it's time for
you to go to bed.

Kick off those slippers
and climb under the covers.

Hey, we just wanted to
say good night to Penny.

WILLONA: Oh, come on in.

Oh, good. J.J., tell
me a bedtime story.

I don't know any bedtime
stories. Yes you do.

Nah, nah. Tell her the
one about the little bear.

Aw, tell her the
bedtime story, J.J.

[CHATTERING]

All right, all right.

Well, once upon a time,

there's this little girl
named Afrolocks.

[LAUGHS]

And she was gliding
through the ghetto

when she come upon this
brownie housing project.

And that's where the
three little bears lived.

Now, the smallest
bear's name was Michael.

Now, the ugliest and most
bodacious bear's name was Thelma.

Now...

Now, the smoothest and
most savoir faire bear's name

was J.J.

So the door was halfway open,
so the little girl walked in there.

And there's a pot of
grits cooking on the stove

that old Thelma the bear cooked.

So she eating the grits. She
has some salt and pepper

and some butter
on there, you know.

And just greasing
down on her face...

with the grits all out
in here and it's all funky

with the grits and
everything, you know?

All of a sudden the little
girl started getting pains

in her stomach.

She can't move.

Little girl getting
convulsions and everything.

She realized she had
the bubonic plague.

The end.

PENNY: The end?

Whatever happened to,
"They lived happily ever after"?

No one eats Thelma's cooking
and lives happily ever after.

J.J., you should be sh*t.

All right. Goodbye,
Penny. Good night.

THELMA: Okay, bye,
Penny. Bye, Thelma.

PENNY: Bye, J.J.

Oh, baby.

Well, time for sleepy pie.

Sleepy time.

Can I say my prayers?

Oh, of course, baby, come on.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I
pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake, I
pray the Lord my soul to take.

God bless Michael,
Thelma, J.J. and Willona.

Aw, that's nice, sugar.

Good night, Willona. Mm.
Good night, my darling.

You gonna be warm
enough? Uh-huh.

Okay. Good night.

And God... please
watch over Mama.

Amen.

Amen.

[LAUGHS] That's silly.

THELMA: Oh, hi, Penny. Come in.

I'd like you to meet
Mrs. Carpenter.

She's from the Department of
Children and Family Services.

Hi. Hello, Penny.

Now you're gonna
be going with me.

We're gonna find you a new home.

Okay.

Well, I think Penny and I
had better be on our way.

I'll be in touch.

Hey, wait. Penny.

Now you take care of
yourself, honey. Okay?

Be good.

Goodbye, Willona, and
thanks. You're welcome.

Remember, I love you.

Bye, Thelma.

See you later,
Penny. Bye, Michael.

Bye, J.J.

I don't care what
other people say.

I think you're nice.

And I will always love you.

Bye, Penny.

Later.

Penny acted like she
goes to a foster home

every day of her life. Mm-hm.

Yeah, I guess the kid's
been through so much,

nothing shakes her up anymore.

You know, if we had enough
room, we'd take her ourselves.

Stick your mother and
Carl with four kids? Hmmph.

Honey, I don't know how
Flo has made it all these years

with you three.

I had Penny one night
and I barely made it.

Why, Willona? What happened?

Well, for one thing

a groovy dude named Elroy
called me and wanted to go out,

and I couldn't go
because Penny was there.

He'll call again. I hope not.

That isn't all. I
couldn't get any sleep.

You know Penny twisted
and turned the whole night.

She even screamed
one time. Cried out.

Girl, give me the
single life any time.

Yeah, just imagine you
being a mother, Willona.

[LAUGHS]

Surprise! I'm back.

What are you doing here?

Where's Mrs. Carpenter?

I ditched her.

How'd you do that?

Easy.

When we got in the elevator, I
pushed the B button for basement.

Then I scooted out
before the doors closed.

Mrs. Carpenter,
she's a nice lady,

but I don't wanna
go to a new home.

I wanna stay at my old
one, right here with J.J.

Look, Penny, you're a
fantastic chick and all,

but, you know, I
can't take care of you.

I know.

You're a lover, not a mother.

But, Willona, if you'd have
me, I'd love to live with you.

[LAUGHS] Well, Penny...

Well you see, Willona's
not exactly the...

Well, what I mean
is, she's hardly ever...

Um, well you see, she
probably just couldn't do that.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪