05x12 - Penny's Christmas

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You feel free ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
Out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪

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♪ Scratching And surviving ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Hanging in A chow line ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

Well, that's all done.

Hey, Michael, what did you
get Penny for Christmas?

Well, Thelma, I was going
to get her a Betsy Wetsy doll,

but when I got up to the counter

I didn't have the
guts to ask for it.

Michael, what did you
end up getting Penny?

A dump truck.

Michael, come on, now.

No, Thelma, I'm just kidding.

I got her the doll. See?

Aw... Betsy Wetsy.

Who is it?

It's me.

Oh... Oh, well,
hide all this stuff.

I don't want her to
see her presents, okay?

Yeah. Um... Oh, here's good.

Michael, not in the oven!

Michael!

All right.

Hi, Penny.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Penny.

Well, Penny, what's
happening these days?

Oh, nothing much.

Just Mom and I going
Christmas shopping.

Oh.

Looking for something?

Uh, I might have lost something
when I was over here yesterday.

Oh, yeah? What'd you lose?

I'm not sure until I find it.

Penny, you wouldn't
be snooping around,

trying to see your
presents, would you?

Who, me? Yeah.

Don't be silly.

Oh, I dropped my purse.

Penny, it won't do any good.

You'll just have to wait
until Christmas Eve.

I'll try, but it won't be easy.

Well...

♪ Deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

♪ The Ebony Prince
Is here, by golly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

J.J., did you get the tree?

Does Rudolph have a red nose?

He got the tree.

Right here. All right.

J.J., man, it's a good thing

you got this thing
off the street.

You would have been
arrested for indecent exposure.

Michael, this tree
was in great shape

before I got it on the bus.

It got into one of those
tree fights over there.

A tree fight?

Well, J.J., you should have
brought home the winner.

Michael, this is the winner.

Well, uh...

maybe some
decorations will help.

Hey, I got an idea.

Listen, everybody.

What do you think Mama
needs for Christmas?

Hmm.

What about the new
album by Donna Summers?

Do you think she
would like that?

No, but I sure would.

Hey, I just baked some cookies

and I have some
left over, and I...

No, Thelma. You're
gonna give the tree a hernia.

J.J., get outta here.

Ah, go ahead.

Oh, that looks nice...

as*ault with a deadly cookie.

I've saved some money,

but I want to get Mama

something really special.

How much you got?

Ten dollars and fifty cents.

Oh... Ten dollars
and fifty cents?

Yep.

You mean, you saved
up all that money

by your little itty-bitty self?

I sure did. Wow.

Well, lay some of
that cash on me.

I'm busted.

Will you keep your
paws off her money?

Hi, y'all.

Hi, Willona.

Okay, are you ready
to go shopping, baby?

Yes, Mama. Okay.

But promise me you won't
peek while I do my shopping.

Child, I am too pooped to peek.

The Christmas
rush at the boutique

has been simply out of mind.

Honey, listen,

ladies are pushing and shoving

and screaming and kicking

and yelling and pulling hair,

and that's just in the restroom.

Excuse me, honey.

What is this?

Willona, that is
our Christmas tree.

I've seen mop handles

with more leaves
on it than that, J.J.

Come on, baby. You ready to go?

Yeah. All right.

Hey, Thelma.

Either you got the
presents in the refrigerator,

or you're
gift-wrapping the food.

Presents? What presents?

J.J., get out of there!

Come on!

Just what I always wanted.

A Betsy Wetsy doll

with icicles in her drawers.

Ooh, I didn't hear anything.

Who "knocketh"?

It's Tiny Tim.

Greetings of the season.

Hey, J.J., how you doing?

You can knock it off, Bookman.

Knock it off.

Okay, what do you
want, ham hocks?

Oh, Ms. Woods, um...

the you-know-what just arrived

from you-know-where
for you-know-who.

For me?

How'd she find out?

Booga!

Was there anything else I
can do for you warm folks

in this generous, warm season?

Uh-oh, J.J.
Bookman's being nice.

He must expect something.

Yeah, Bookman's
expecting a green Christmas.

I'm appalled.

I mean the thought
of a Christmas bonus

never entered my mind.

Oh, I'm glad, honey,

'cause it never entered
our minds either.

Hey, the word's
out on the street

that you guys are giving
a Christmas Eve party.

That's right, Bookman.

I guess I'm gonna be all alone.

Why?

Aren't you spending
it with Mrs. Bookman?

That is spending it alone.

You see, Penny,

Mrs. Bookman's going to
spend Christmas with her mother.

See, my mother-in-law
and I don't get along at all.

She's never forgiven me
for stealing her only daughter,

and I've never forgiven
her for letting me steal her.

It sounds like I'm
listening to a soap opera,

As the Booga Turns.

Of course you can
come to the party.

Goody, goody, goody.

Come on, darling.

Oh, Mr. Bookman?

Yes, Penny.

After we're gone,

could you bring up
the you-know-what

from the you-know-where
for the you-know-who?

Thanks a lot, Scrooge.

Okay, we can start over here.

But Mama, you promised
to let me shop by myself.

Okay, baby.

Now, listen, we'll
both do our shopping

and meet back here in one hour,

and if you miss me,

get a cab and come
on home, okay?

Here's your car fare.

Penny?

Yes, Mama?

I love you.

This is the happiest
Christmas ever.

Me too.

Oh, look.

Oh, look, baby,
there's Santa Claus.

Hi, Santa.

My name is Penny.

Hello, Penny.

And my name is Lenny...

and I got some reindeer

named Donner and
Blitzen and Benny.

I wish you joy and
I wish you cheer.

Have a cool yule and
a mellow New Year.

Would you like some gifts
to hang in your stocking?

I take Mastercharge
and validate parking.

Oh, Lenny, why don't
you go climb a chimney?

Okay, I'll meet you
in one hour, okay?

Okay. Okay. Bye-bye.

Can I help you, Miss?

Oh, "Miss"? Is that me?

Look, it's been a long day.

Did you want to see something?

Yes.

What?

About $10.50 worth,

for the best mama
in the whole world.

Ten dollars and
fifty cents' worth.

What's her size?

About this high and this wide,

and about this far out.

I'm sorry I asked.

Oh, wait a minute.

This little heart on a chain.

Can I see that?

Oh, this is our last one.

It's beautiful.

How much is it?

You're in luck. Ten dollars.

She'll love it.

I'll take it.

Oh, excuse me.

That'll be $10.50.

Do you want it gift-wrapped?

No. I'll do it myself. Okay.

My purse! It's gone!

Well, maybe you left it at home.

I had it here a minute
ago, and now it's gone.

Oh, sure you did.

I did. Honestly!

Oh.

Well, maybe
somebody did take it.

At Christmas time, the pickpockets
come out of the woodwork.

All my money was in there!

What am I gonna do?

I'm sorry, honey,
really, I am, you know?

Next.

Can I help you?

Hey, J.J., you got
that bike together yet?

All together, Michael.

All together.

Yes, sir.

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, J.J., look at that bike.

Michael, what's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?

Are you sure you didn't get it

from the same place
you got that tree?

That must be Penny. Come on.

Put this bike away. Hurry up.

And fix the seat right, man.

You okay?

Yeah, I got it.

Hello, again.

Hi. Mrs. Dobbs.

Come on in.

Michael, you remember Mrs. Dobbs

from the Department of
Children and Family Services?

Oh, sure. How are your corns?

Michael...

you don't ask people
about their corns.

Oh, that's all right.

Actually, they're much better.

Now they only hurt when I walk.

Um, you're here to see
Willona and Penny, right?

Yes.

The probationary
period is nearly up,

and now the Department

is considering
the final adoption.

Oh!

Willona is a great mother.

Yeah, so you can make
the adoption final right now.

Well, I do have to
make out my report, K.K.

Uh, that's J.J.

Well, it's only one letter away.

Oh, I certainly hope that
Ms. Woods gets home early.

I have a meeting tonight.

Corn Sufferers Anonymous.

Corn Sufferers Anonymous?

Yes, it's a club I belong to,

and if any member
gets a corn att*ck,

why, they call other members,

and then they all come over,

and we... we... we try
on each other's shoes...

until the pain goes away.

Well, um, I'll make
you some coffee, okay?

Thank you.

Hi.

Oh, Mrs. Dobbs!

What are you doing here?

Well, I just thought it was time

to make an honest
woman of you, Ms. Woods.

Oh, well, not that
you're not honest.

I mean, it's time to
make Penny legitimate.

Not that she's not legitimate.

I mean, it's... It's
final adoption time.

Final adoption time! Outta
sight! Where's Penny?

We thought she was with you.

I told her if we got mixed up
in the store to come on home.

Oh, that's probably her now.

Let me get on over there,
see what's happening.

Penny, where you been?
I been waiting for you.

Sorry I couldn't meet you.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Dobbs.

Hello, sweetheart.

Can I help you?

Are you the little
girl's mother?

Yes, I am.

Well, I'm sorry
to tell you this,

but this young lady's
been picked up...

for shoplifting.

I won't do it again,
Mama. I promise.

I just wanted to
get you that present

more than anything.

Oh, Penny, there'll
be no more excuses.

You did a very wrong thing.

It's a good thing the department
store left it in my hands.

I'm sorry.

Go home and wait for me.

I have a lot of talking to
do to you when I get there.

I'm just glad

I don't have to spend
Christmas in the slammer.

Kids, I want to talk
to Mrs. Dobbs alone.

Do you mind?

Of course not, Willona.

We gotta put Penny's
bike together anyway.

Forget about the bike.

She won't get it for Christmas.

After I learned how to read all
those instructions in Japanese?

J.J., it's important I
talk to Mrs. Dobbs.

All right, all
right. "Saranara."

Mrs. Dobbs, hope you don't
think I'm being too rough on her,

but she has to be punished.

Well, I'm afraid

the problem is more
serious than that.

What do you mean?

The child is stealing.

But I'm punishing her for it.

I told you I was
punishing her for it.

Well, that's good.
That's very good.

Parental discipline
is very important.

Uh, Ms. Woods...

Uh, may I call you Willona?

I feel that with my dropping
in here twice a month,

we've become very good friends.

Yeah, call me Willona.

Willona, I feel this is the
wrong environment for Penny.

Mrs. Dobbs,

how can you pop in
here twice a month

and tell me you think this is the
wrong environment for Penny?

There is nothing wrong
with this environment.

Well, maybe things have
gotten a little bit out of control.

Things have not
gotten out of control!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This is the first time
anything like this happened.

Penny has never stolen before. and
she won't do it again, I promise you that.

Well, I'm sorry too, Willona,
but I've got my instructions.

I'm afraid

this puts a different
light on the adoption.

Oh, Mrs. Dobbs,
please don't say that.

I'm afraid that the department
would want further investigation

before I can recommend
the final adoption.

Mrs. Dobbs... look,
why don't you do this:

why don't you come to
our Christmas Eve Party?

Then you can see what a
warm and loving environment

this really is, okay?

Well, maybe I could do that.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, by the way,
what is your first name?

Hortense.

But don't tell anybody.

Not even my husband.

You mean your husband

doesn't even know
your first name?

I told him it was Carlotta.

Our marriage needs all
the romance it can get.

Well, Merry Christmas.

Yeah.

Merry Christmas.

Could I have another cup

of that delicious egg nog?

Oh, sure, Mrs. Dobbs.

Here you go.

A fresh one.

Hey, you better watch out.

Don't let that egg
nog sneak up on you.

Sneak up?

I think it's passing me.

Would you believe that my
mother wanted me to be a ballerina?

You know, in our school play,

I was the only Sugarplum fairy

wearing Dr. Scholls.

Well...

peace on earth,
good will toward feet.

Well, it looks like Mrs. Dobbs

is having a lot of fun.

What does it matter? Tomorrow
when her head clears up

she'll remember about the
adoption. I might even lose Penny.

Ho, ho, ho, Penny!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Come in and join the party.

I don't know, Penny. I
don't have that much time.

I got to get back
to the North Pole.

My elves are waiting for me:

Grumpy, Sneezy, and Leroy.

Those are dwarfs.

Dwarfs, elves, whatever.

All I know is they keep
biting me on the knee.

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

What a great-looking
tree you got here.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I couldn't have picked
out a better tree myself.

It's an honor leaving
presents under this tree.

Ho, ho, ho!

Penny, you're
a lucky little girl

to have Santa Claus
come to your party.

It's really J.J.

Oh.

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, Penny!

Merry Christmas, Santa.

I came all the way
from the North Pole,

and I'm hungry.

Do you have any food
for me and my reindeer?

Do your reindeers eat clam dip?

No, but the Santa do.

You see, Penny?

Santa came to
your party after all.

It's really Mr. Buffalo Butt.

Oh.

Is there no enchantment
left in children?

Hey, Santa, can
I ask you a favor?

Yeah, sure. What is it?

You know, when
I was a little kid,

my mother never took
me to see Santa Claus,

and I've always had
this secret longing.

Can I sit in your lap?

And me end up
with a fractured lap?

Mrs. Dobbs, can
I talk to you now?

Merry Christmas.

Fill her up.

Unleaded.

This is the most
delicious negg nog...

Yegg yog... negg
yog... It's... It's...

one hell of a drink
you're serving here.

Well, I'm glad

you like it there, Mrs. Dobbs.

Oh... call me Carlotta.

You know, I'm having
such a wonderful time.

I feel like singing.

Well, go ahead. Be my guest.

I am your guest.

Unless I'm at the wrong party.

Uh, attention, everyone.

Carlotta would like to
sing a little song here!

All right!

Do you have a piano?

No, we sent those
out to be dry cleaned.

Well, I'll just have
to sing Acapulco.

Go ahead and wail, mama.

♪ On the first day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ On the second day of
Christmas My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Two turtle necks ♪

♪ And a partridge
In a pear tree ♪

♪ On the 12th day Of April ♪

♪ My true love Sent to me ♪

♪ Twelve string bikinis
Ten panties hosing ♪

♪ Three orthopedic shoes ♪

♪ Four turtle soups... ♪

No, that's... ♪ Three
turtle soups... ♪

No... ♪ Two surtle toups... ♪

Oh, wait a minute.

I would never eat a turtle.

♪ And a peartridge
In a par tree ♪

And they say,

"Where is all the new
talent coming from?"

I'm so glad you like
the classics, K.K.

Well!

I see my Christmas
present doth call.

Mrs. Dobbs, come on.

Let's have a little
private talk here.

A little talk? Yeah, over here.

What about? About Penny.

Oh, what about Penny?

You've seen her environment.

It's full of love and
fun and good vibes.

Are you going to
let me keep her?

Well, I don't know.

One Christmas party
does not an adoption make.

I see.

Tell me something, Mrs. Dobbs.

Do the people

down at the Family
and Children Services

know that you can
really belt out a song?

Oh, good heavens, no.

Oh, no.

That Department is so...

Oh, how can I say it?

Conservative?

No, stuffy.

They frown on
any kind of frivolity.

Oh, do they?

What would you say if I told you

I had a tape recorder going?

A tape recorder? Mm-hmm.

That tapes things? Yes.

Oh, you wouldn't.

Oh, yes, I would, to every
supervisor in your department.

Should I play it back for you now so you
can hear what it will sound like to them?

♪ Two turtle doves Five... ♪

Willona... Willona, stifle it.

Since I couldn't get
you a Christmas present,

well, I made you something.

What?

Thank you.

It's the same as the one
I was going to buy you,

only it's made out of paper.

Oh, Penny, it's priceless.

It's just what I wanted, baby.

Um, Hortense, can I
talk to you a minute?

Look, I've got
something I got to tell you.

There's no tape recorder. I couldn't
play anything for the department.

And even if I could, I couldn't
stoop to anything that underhanded.

It's not my style.

Oh, I see.

Well, Willona, there's something
that I want to tell you too.

After being here tonight

and seeing all the fun and
the love and the good vibes,

well, I'd already
made up my mind

to recommend the final adoption.

Oh!

Mama, did she
say "final adoption"?

That's what she said.

You mean we're
each other's forever?

Forever and ever!

That's the best
Christmas present

in the whole world!

Mrs. Dobbs, what
can I do to thank you?

You can get off my corns.

Oh, come on!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

♪ We wish you A
merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you A
merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you A
merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ We wish you A
Merry Christmas... ♪

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

Good Times was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪