05x13 - No More Mr. Nice Guy

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♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You're
out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

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♪ Scratchin' And survivin' ♪

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♪ Hangin' In a chow line ♪

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♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪

Aw, come on, Gloria,

all work and no play makes
Michael Evans stay away.

What? Oh, sure you
can get out of the house.

Just tell your mother what
I tell my sister, Thelma.

Say you're going to the library.

Or tell her mother,
she can visit you,

at the emergency ward.

Listen, Gloria,

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Right. Bye.

Uh, Michael, I need
some help, okay?

Not right now, Thelma.

I got a lot of heavy
things on my mind.

Yeah?

Well, you got a
lot of heavy things,

on your stomach too.

Girl, what's wrong with
you? You got a problem?

Yeah, there's a certain,

irritating, lazy
turkey who lives here,

who thinks the world
owes him a living.

Thelma, you shouldn't talk
about J.J. behind his back.

Michael, I'm talking about you.

Michael, look at this mess.

Just look at it.

This, uh, dried up sauce
here is from the lasagna

I cooked last night.

Now I'll have to
chip it off the plate.

Thelma, when
we ate it last night,

we had to chip it off the plate.

Funny, funny.

Look, Michael, look,

you were home
all afternoon, right?

And you said you were going
to help me with the dishes.

Don't worry, Thelma,
I'll get to them.

Right now I'm getting
ready to go to Cindy's house.

Michael, you were
up there last night.

Yeah, I know.

You don't have to
worry about that now,

'cause you gonna
stay right here tonight!

I ain't gonna stay...!

Hey, hey, Thelma, gimme
that! What's this here?

None of your business.
This is my business.

This big red "F"
on top of this page

makes it my business, buddy.

It's my algebra test.

Michael, I mean,
I can't believe this.

This is the first time
you brought home a "F."

What's happening to you?

Thelma, it's not
the end of the world.

It's only a "F."

But, uh... Oh,
Michael, I give up.

I'm tired of asking.

Oh, boy, what a relief it is,

to be home from
the hustle and bustle

of the advertising world,

into the peace and tranquility

of the Evans' household.

J.J., will you talk
to your brother?

So, Michael, uh,
what's happening?

Everything's everything, bro.

How you doing? All right,

You know how it
goes... J.J., talk to him!

Uh, Thelma,

you have negated to tell
us what we're talking about.

J.J., you can
start with how late

he's been staying
out every night.

Michael, you've been
staying out late every night.

And what's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that? Humph!

Thelma, what's wrong with that?

Well, tell him...!

Why don't you tell him?

If somebody come in here,
I'm gonna look kinda silly

talking to a door.

J.J., I've tried.

Michael is just goofing off.

He's staying out
late every night,

with a different girl too.

Hmm... Michael, I
got something to say.

You've been staying
out late every night,

going out with a different girl,

goofing off, and
what I got to say is...

Congratulations!

Way to go, very good,
very good, wonderful,

very good, excellent, superb...!

Congratulations?

J.J., this is serious.

It's affecting his schoolwork.

J.J., look at that test paper
he brought in here today.

Let me see that test paper
you brought in here today.

Mmm, "F."

Not bad.

Not bad?!

Yeah, I remember
one time in school,

I got a "K."

A "K"?

Yeah, "K" for cruddy.

J.J., cruddy starts with a "C."

Well, it was a spelling test.

Well, J.J., you
always got bad grades.

This is my first.

Hmm, yeah.

Hey, Thelma...

Hi, y'all.

Don't you think you could
take it a little easy on the boy?

Is J.J. talking to the door?

Well, that's not unusual, honey,

but if that door
answers back, watch out.

Hey, don't you think you're
being a little hard on the man?

J.J., I'm not being hard on him.

What's going on around here?

Don't you be nosey now.

You kids don't have
to tell me nothing.

Even though I am
your mother's best friend

and practically your aunt.

Well, look, I mean, I
ain't gonna stick my nose

in nobody's business. You
keep your own little secret.

Well?

Do I have to crawl?

Willona, it's Michael.

He's been very
irresponsible lately.

He's been messing up at
home, goofing off in school,

and do you know he
brought in a "F" paper today?

Oh, no, Gramps, I'm surprised.

Willona, I'm worried about him.

Because if he keeps
on going on like this,

what's gonna happen to him?

Take it easy,
honey. I'll talk to him.

Now Gramps, this
is Willona talking.

I've got a few things
I wanna say to you.

Should we give
him his letter first?

Not now, honey,
Now, listen, Michael,

Letter? What letter?

This. It got put in our
mailbox by mistake.

Gramps, I'm
trying to talk to you.

Are you listening?

Yeah, Willona, I'm listening.

Now, what are you
doing getting an "F"...?

Hey, hey, hey.
Listen to this, it says,

"Dear Michael Evans,
Congratulations.

"On the basis of your
outstanding essay:

"Law in the Ghetto,

"you've been selected as one
of the five high school students

"who will read their essays
to the Illinois Law Association,

"at its annual Lawyers
of Tomorrow Banquet,

on the 26th of this month."

Yeah, that's only
one week from today.

Oh, Gramps, congratulations.

But don't you forget,

when I come back
from the dentist,

we have a little
talk to finish, okay?

Sure, Willona. All right.

Oh don't forget
the skating lessons.

Oh, that's what I
came in here for.

I'm running into a
little time-problem.

Penny has to be at
her skating lesson.

Would one of you people
take her down for me?

Oh, Willona, I'd love
to, but you caught me

right when I have
a dance rehearsal.

Sure. J.J., would
you take Penny...?

It's one of those days, Willona.

I just happened to bring home
a little work from the office.

Gee,

the way everybody's
acting around here,

I must have ring
around the collar.

Well, honey, you
got to understand that

people have their
own lives to live.

Although everybody
in this room knows

how much this
lesson means to you.

And if you don't go,
it'll break your heart.

Say no more. I'll
make the sacrifice.

Come on, Penny.

Oh, Gramps, thank you so much.

See that? Now you see that?

Anybody that
responsible cannot be bad.

That's right.

The boy does a nice thing
like take a little girl ice skating,

gets out of doing his homework.

♪ First you take your two eggs ♪

♪ You hold them tight ♪

♪ You break one to the left ♪

♪ And then you break
one To the right ♪

♪ You add some green onions,
Chitlins, and a lump of Parkay ♪

♪ And that is what I call
doing An omelet J.J. ♪

J.J., what are you doing?

What do I look like I'm doing?

It looks like you're
mixing up some plaster

to fix a cr*ck in your head.

I happen to be making an omelet.

Okay, let me
help you, all right?

Oh no, no. Last time you helped,

the omelet ended up in
the middle of Rush street.

As a manhole cover.

Hey, J.J., are Michael
and Penny back yet?

Not yet.

You know, J.J.,

I'm really getting
worried about Michael.

Because Ma always kept a
tight rein on him, you know.

And you're just
letting him run wild.

Oh, come on, Thelma.
Michael's just a growing boy.

Now, what do you
know about being a boy?

What do you know
about being a girl?

Listen, J.J.,

I want Michael to grow
up to be really special.

And I don't want him
to drop out of school

and just hang
around on the streets.

And that's exactly what's
gonna happen to him

if you do not talk
to him, like I said.

Oh, Thelma,

Michael is just a
growing, all-American,

typical, red-blooded boy.

You know? Doin' his thing.

Just calm down.

"Chello."

Oh, hey, Michael. How you doing?

What? Where you at?

Huh?!

Okay, we'll be there shortly.

Okay, bye.

Thelma, that was Michael.

Well, what excuse
did the all-American,

red-blooded boy give
you for being late this time?

This time, he had a good one.

He and Penny are in jail.

How you doing, honey?
My name is Lavonne.

What you in for?

Well, Mama was taking
her teeth to the dentist,

and I was taking
my skates to the rink,

but when we got downstairs,

Michael's friend,
Howard, drove up in a car

and said, "hop
in," so we hopped,

and then the street was one way,
but Howard went the other way,

and the cop said,
"pull over sonny,"

so we pulled,
and then they said,

"The car's hot
enough to fry an egg"

and then he said,

"You have the right
to remain silent"

so we remained silent.

And those are the
highlights, film at eleven.

Don't go on, honey,

'cause I know it's hard
for you to talk about it.

What are you in for, Lavonne?

Oh, you might say,
it's because of my, uh,

social work.

Oh.

I told you, Sergeant,
it's my old man's car.

I borrowed it.

And you gonna feel like a
real turkey tail when you...

When I what?

Hey, Howard, hey
man, won't you be cool?

Let me handle this, okay?

Um, Penny, come here, please.

Sergeant, you see this
innocent, young child here?

Her mother's gonna be
very worried about her.

Couldn't you just let us go?

No.

Well, you have no
right holding us here

without charging us.
What about due process?

You know, us minors
have our rights, too.

Michael's a Lawyer of Tomorrow.

Well, welcome to
the slammer of today.

Now, I can hold you
son, and I will hold you

until your story is confirmed.

Listen, I got hold
of that father,

and the story checks out.

It was the old man's car,
and Howard borrowed it.

See, turkey tail?

Without permission.

Well, who's the turkey
tail now, Howard?

Gobble, gobble.

Um, Howard, What?

Man, how come you didn't tell me

you borrowed the car
without permission?

You didn't ask. Didn't ask?

Man, you know, you're
really a lot of help.

Thanks a lot!

Help! Save me, I'm innocent!

Um, Sergeant,

I believe that facts do
speak for themselves.

Now, Penny and myself,
here, had no way of knowing

that Howard borrowed
that car without permission,

therefore, we are innocent
in the eyes of the law.

Son, I was about to tell
you, you are innocent.

So you can stop trying to prove

that you're ready
to pass the bar,

and start picking your
friends with a little more care.

Say, officer, my name is Lenny,

and I got picked up
in front of Denny's.

Now, you...

You can't charge
me with no crime,

'cause I didn't
take one, thin dime.

I'm innocent, I
got nothing to hide.

Wanna buy a TV?

How about a TV Guide?

Man, will you get out of here.

Michael, Penny.

Where's Mama?

She'll be here.
We left her a note.

Yeah, Michael, don't
worry, brother J. is here

to prove that beyond
a shadow of a doubt,

you are innocent.

J.J., wait a minute.
No, Michael,

I'll handle this. J.J.

Everything's under control.

What do you want?

Uh, listen here, your
"sergeantship," uh,

you can see that we are both

men of the world,
I, in particular.

And this is not the face
of a brother of a criminal.

Matter of fact,

there's not a dishonest
bone in this body.

You call that a body?

Look, here, your
"sergeantship," uh,

this face, and this
body, unite in the appeal

that Michael Evans is innocent!

He is innocent.

I rest my case.

Well, Michael, I got you off.

I used my power
of persuasiveness.

But J.J., we are innocent.

We didn't do anything.

You didn't?

No. We just took
a little joy ride.

Sure.

You just went for a
little ride in a stolen car.

You know, just last week,

we had some kids about
your age did the same thing.

Only when the red lights and
the siren went on, they panicked.

Led us into a high-speed chase.

It ended when
they hit a utility pole.

So, now, a boy
and a girl are dead.

All because they
went for a little ride.

A joy ride.

Penny, are you all right,
baby? Are you all right?

Oh, hi, Mama.

Wh-what's the problem?

It's all right, lady.

These two can go home.

Take 'em, please.

Oh, thank God. Come on.

Willona, I can explain.

I'm gonna talk to you later...

Mama, can a social
worker be put in jail?

A social worker?

Well, no, honey.

They do a lot of good
service for the community.

Lavonne, Uh-huh.

My Mama says,
you can't go to jail

for what you're doing.

So keep up the good work.

Willona... You
gotta whole lot of...

Uh, Michael, now, the law
may be finished with you,

but I'm not!

What did I do?

Gramps, what are you saying?

Do you realize you
could have gotten k*lled?

Both of you. Just
like that, honey.

Sorry, Willona.

Sorry is not going
to get it, Mr. Miguel.

I, being your
big, older brother,

have officially grounded
you for seven big days.

That's right, seven big days!

Hey, what about
my winning essay?

The Lawyers of Tomorrow
dinner, that's a week from tonight.

I know that, Michael.
And you won't be there.

"We secure for the
underprivileged of America,

"the same quality
of legal protection,

"that the wealthy already enjoy,

"we will never be a nation
of equal justice for all."

Oh, Michael, that is beautiful.

No wonder you won.

I'm so proud of you!

Thanks, Thelma.

Yeah, but who's going
to hear it besides you?

J.J.'s never going to let
me go to that dinner tonight.

But, you know, Michael,

you did bring this on yourself.

Yeah, I know.

But, you know, J.J.'s
been rough on me.

And he's also been
very suspicious lately.

Like last night,

I'm coming out of the
bedroom, with my pajamas on,

toothbrush in hand,
and towel over my arm,

he comes up to me and
says, "sneaking out, eh?"

Come on, now. You're kidding.

No, J.J.'s so busy watching me,
he doesn't even go out anymore.

You know, you're right.

He turned down dates
all this week, huh?

Yeah, just so he can stay
home and watch out over me.

You know, this is
not home anymore.

It's become a prison.

I'm surprised they're
no bars on the window.

Don't give J.J.
any ideas, please.

You know, I think you've
learned your lesson.

And J.J. should let you
go to that dinner tonight.

Yeah, but, Thelma, I don't
think I can talk him into it.

Hey, maybe I can, okay?

Please.

Oh, hi, J.J.

Greetings, Thelma
and Baby-Face Evans.

J.J., I want to talk
to... Later, Thelma.

Michael, front and center.

Been talking to any of those
chicks on the phone today?

Unfortunately, no.

J.J., what are you doing?

Checking his pulse to
make sure he's not lying.

Oh, come on, now,
this has gone too far

Michael, present homework!

What's the assignment?

A thousand words on
the French Revolution.

French Revolution, what?

French Revolution, sir.

What do my eyes spy here?

Look at these midget
words, "of," "a," "on"

I want to see some
big humongous words,

like "transgressionism,"
"intaveversonism,"

Of all the unmitigated,
hypocritical...!

Those words will do, also.

J.J.,

I want Michael to go
to that dinner tonight.

Thelma, you're the one who said,

you wanted me to keep
a tight rein on the boy.

Yeah, a tight rein,
but not a choke collar.

You know how important
this dinner is to Michael.

Even the Watergate people
got time off for good behavior.

But J.J. Evans wasn't the judge.

Around here, J.J. Evans
is the Hanging Judge.

Cool it out, Michael.

Um, J.J., look...
Right? Now look.

You're keeping yourself
a prisoner as well.

'Cause if you think about it,

if you let Michael
go to the dinner,

you can go out tonight.

You can go out
with, uh, Belinda.

You mean Boom-Boom Belinda?

Or Viola.

Viola the Vacuum?

Or Samantha.

Samantha the Human Panther.

Right!

Michael, Yeah, J.J.?

Tell Thelma to shut up,

otherwise I'll ground
you for another week.

All right, J.J.

Man, I know I've been
running wild lately,

and maybe I do
deserve to be punished.

But tonight is special, J.J.

I mean you can ground me
for a week, a month, a year.

I don't care! But
please let me go tonight.

Let me read them my essay.

Let me make you proud of me.

Michael, Yeah?

Get that thing off the table.

It's blocking
everything up on there.

Michael, you don't understand.

The decision, I
gotta stick by it

You understand that don't you?

For some reason, I
get the strange feeling,

he doesn't understand.

J.J., what do you expect?

He made one little mistake,

and I can't believe how
cruel you've been to him.

Not you too, Thelma.

A man does what
he thinks is right,

and the whole world
comes down on him.

I mean as head of the
house, if I make a decision,

I got to stick with it.

Well, uh, where do you
think you going, young man?

To the Lawyers of
Tomorrow dinner.

Oh, yeah? Over my dead body.

Oh, yeah? Michael,
come back here.

J.J., no more fighting.
Now, come on.

Thelma, I'm a failure.

J.J., you're not a failure.

Oh, come on, Thelma.

It takes a big man to
admit that he's a failure.

At least give me that much.

J.J., you did what
you had to do, right?

And Michael did
what he had to do.

Only, Michael did his harder.

I'm back.

Wow, lawyers sure
eat fast, don't they?

I couldn't do it, J.J.

You see, J.J.,
you're not a failure.

Michael came back
by himself, didn't he?

It's a good thing he did.

Now he's grounded for
the rest of the century!

J.J., are you ever
going to let up?

Michael, soon as you shape up.

J.J., I can understand
you coming down on me.

But why are you
punishing yourself?

You know you've had a chance to go out
all this week and you've turned it down.

Just so you could stay
home and keep an eye on me.

Michael, sit down.

You know,

that's not the reason I
turned down all those dates.

Then why?

Well, you see, Michael,

you've been going
out with a lot of girls,

and so have I.

And I want to set a
good example for you.

At least this week.

Good example?

What are you talking about?

Well, you see,
Michael, all these years,

I've been setting a
bad example for you.

Fooling around,
goofing off in school,

getting bad grades.

But now that I'm like a
father-like image to you,

well, I got a lot of
making up to do.

And see, I don't want you to
make the same mistakes I did.

J.J.,

everybody makes mistakes,
but look at you now, man.

I'd be proud to turn
into another you.

You would?

Yeah, are you kidding?

J.J., you taught yourself to paint
when there was nobody to teach you.

You got yourself a job,

and you're supporting us.

Man, I've always
been proud of you.

You have?

Sure, J.J.

Well, you know, what can I say?

I can say, that's
my big brother.

All right.

Well, thank goodness
that's over with.

Oh boy!

Now, Michael, if you hurry up,

you can make that
Lawyers of Tomorrow dinner.

Uh, thanks, Thelma,
but no thanks.

I'm not going.

What?

After all this hassle,
you're not going?

What kind of Lawyer
of Tomorrow would I be,

if I made J.J.
break his own laws?

Uh, wait a minute, Michael.

Uh, laws are made to be changed.

Hold on J.J., I don't
want any special favors.

I'm staying.

No, Michael, it's
no special favor.

You're going.

J.J., I'm staying.

Michael, you're
going. I'm staying.

Michael, you're
going. I'm staying.

Michael, you're
going. I'm staying.

You're going. I'm staying.

You're going! I'm staying!

You're going!

All right Michael, this is it.

I have had enough
of your mess here.

Now if you don't
go, you're going to be

in for the most cruel and
inhumane punishment

you've ever been
in for in your life.

And what you gonna do?

Michael, if you don't go,

I'm making you stay here
and eat Thelma's dinner.

I'm gone!

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

Good Times was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪