07x11 - We Get Letters

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Facts of Life". Aired: August 24, 1979 - May 7, 1988.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Spin-off of Diff'rent Strokes; focuses on Edna as she becomes a housemother at the fictional Eastland School, an all-girls boarding school.
Post Reply

07x11 - We Get Letters

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

♪ St. Elmo's fire ♪

♪ I can hear the music playin' ♪

♪ I can see the banners fly ♪

♪ I feel like a vet again ♪

♪ I hope I ain't high ♪

You know, blair is gonna have
a fit. She spent hours on this.

We're voting her down.

She can't put old newspapers

In our display window.

She's trying to say something
about space in journalism.

Don't interpret, tootie. This
says we don't take out our trash.

It won't be so bad if we get a
new one up before she gets back.

What are we gonna
replace it with?

It doesn't matter, anything.

A mime!

Anything but a mime.

But I learned all
about it in drama class.

I'll dress up and
stand in the window.

It's living theater.
People will eat it up.

Andy, have you ever seen
anyone come up to a mime

Slap him on the back and say,

"Yo, mime. Nice show."

No. They say,

"Well, there's a
mime," and move on.

Now look, there is blair.

She's communicating
with us nonverbally.

See how effective it is the way
she's jabbing her finger at us?

It's threatening, it's live.

I can only imagine
what she's saying.

Good, 'cause you're
still too young

To hear that kind of language.

Where is my display?

Vandals. It was terrible.

But then, right
after they scattered,

Natalie came up

With the most wonderful idea.

Right.

And we're all crazy about it.

I'm waiting.

You're waiting.

Ok. It's, uh...
It's, uh... A mime.

It surprised me, too, but
the more I think about it,

The better I like
it. Thanks, andy.

We're going to put
a mime in the window?

Just a small one.

I can't believe it.

I'm having a hard
time with it myself.

But I thought
everybody hated mimes.

Well, up until very
recently, we did.

Well... Think I'll go
somewhere and practice.

We'll find you.

Hey, georgie. Hi, guys.

Mail call.

Kuwait times for george.

All right. The sunday edition,

Boasting the third world's

Most extensive crossword puzzle.

Anybody got a pencil?

Will a pen do?

Yeah, why not? Let's be daring.

Hey, mrs. G, gwen schaffer
called while you were out.

She's flying in from
boston tomorrow.

Really? Oh, that's wonderful.

You and gwen were
so cute together.

Whenever she'd
come up for a visit,

They'd stay up all
night and just giggle.

You two been giggling
together a long time?

We grew up together.

We shared everything.

Clothes, boyfriends...

Boyfriends? Good policy.

Until jack schaffer came along.

And jack was funny, bright...

Paul newman eyes.

He was quite the catch!

All right, I need
a five letter word

For water storage.

Basin.

Camel.

Of course, how silly of me.

Ok, four letters for
tricky arrangement.

Oh, hoax.

Opec.

I give up. Pass me the
"dear abdul" column.

Mrs. G, it's good that you
have stuff to giggle about.

I'm always afraid I'm
gonna look back one day

And have nothing.
I'll have to fake it.

Like the time you had
blair wrestle the mascot?

Yeah, that was a riot.

I wish I could do that!

Ok, five letters for
home entertainment.

I got you.

Harem.

Cable. Get your mind
out of the gutter, natalie.

He's really
beginning to annoy me.

What is he doing now?

He's pretending he's in a
room with no doors or windows

That's gradually
shrinking around him.

Oh, I see. Why?

No one's really sure, but
they all do it. It's a standard.

I'm just waiting
till his air runs out.

And when it does, we can go
back to my newspaper display.

Now, look, all I'm...

Hey, mimes don't talk.

Do you want me to
tell marcel marceau?

Come on, andy, it's
time for your debut.

I can't believe how old I look.

I didn't look this
old yesterday, did i?

Of course you did.

Well, it's just amazing

How the human body
changes overnight.

I was just looking at
myself in the mirror,

And I can't find my eyelids!

Mrs. G, you look fine.

Fine? Lettuce looks fine.

What are you so nervous about?

I don't know.

Maybe because I haven't
seen gwen in such a long time.

She's one of those
people who always looks...

You know, perfect.

I know exactly what
you're talking about.

But let me tell you something,

And I think this will help.

The perfect people of the world

Never expect you to
live up to their standards.

Just do your best.
We understand.

Thank you, blair.

[Doorbell rings]

There she is.

Well, aren't you going
to invite an old friend in?

I'm sorry. I guess
I didn't realize

How much I missed
you until just now.

I missed you, too.

You look great!

Only great?

Tomatoes look great.

These people have a
thing for vegetables.

Well, look at this. I
hoped you'd all be here.

Hi, gwen. Hello, gwen.

Can I get your bags?

I already checked
in at the hotel.

Well, isn't that silly since
you'll be staying here?

It's all settled. I'm leaving
early in the morning anyway.

Well, that's not much time.

Enough for a good
old-fashioned gossip session.

I hope you brought the gossip.

Two years worth.

Then let's get to it.

We will get the coffee.

Thanks, blair.

I can hardly wait
to get started.

Same rules.

Same rules.

What rules?

Rules for gossip.

Men come before scandals,

Scandals come before secrets,

Unless it's a secret you
absolutely cannot tell,

In which case, that
always comes first.

So when did you come
up with this system?

Oh, when I was back in
wisconsin with my two babies

And gwen was in new york
studying fashion design.

Edna's husband was
on the road a lot,

So she'd leave the children
with the grandparents

And come and spend
a weekend with me.

In her tiny one-room apartment.

There was absolutely no privacy,

And gwen always had
a million boyfriends.

At least.

We had to work out a way
that I wouldn't interrupt

If she asked someone
in after a date,

So, gwen invented a code.

What kind of code?

It was very simple,

Except edna could
never get it straight.

If I hung a ribbon on the
doorknob it meant go away.

If I hung beads it meant
get this guy out of here.

You'd think I could
remember that.

But no.

I came home one night with
an adorable medical student

And I hung out the
do not disturb ribbon.

We're sitting on the couch
and getting ready to...

Toast each other.

I come home, see
the ribbon and...

Get confused.

She barges through the door

Just as our lips are
about to meet yelling...

Don't kiss that girl.
She's contagious.

Well... She made up for it.

She found jack.

After my husband
and I separated,

I had a girlfriend who
fixed me up with a blind date.

Didn't tell me about it until
he was practically at the door.

So you went out with him?

No. She made me go. He
proposed to me that night.

He said, "edna,
will you marry me?"

I said, "yes, but
my name is gwen."

This didn't really happen.

Yes, it did.

That man was jack.

And he was the best.

The best.

Hey, you gotta help me
get andy out of the window.

There's some guys out
there from the high school

Mooning the kid,
trying to cr*ck him up.

Nobody moons a
newspaper display.

I'll handle this.

Come on, gwen, I can hardly
wait to show you the shop.

Oh, well, give me a couple of
hours to freshen up and nap.

I'll be back later
for the grand tour.

Why? You can freshen up here.

I'll be back before you know it.

You think that this
would be appropriate?

We're looking for a
gift for my mother.

How about a lovely
little cadillac?

Too good for her.
You have a datsun?

Sorry, no.

Why don't you look for
something over there?

Well, well, well, well, well.

Well, what do you think?

I like it, but how do you dust?

Carefully.

I wouldn't have
pictured you here.

Yeah, well, life never quite turns
out the way we expect it, does it?

No, it doesn't.

It's still hard for you.

Very hard.

You know, I think
about jack a lot, too.

Do you? Oh, yes.

When we were
rebuilding the shop,

A problem would come up,

It would help me to think, "now
how would jack handle this?"

Edna... I owe him so much.

After my divorce, it was
jack who made me believe

That it was my husband's loss

And that I was very... Special.

You are unbelievable.

I don't know what you mean.

I mean this is where
I draw the line.

I thought I wanted to
watch your performance.

I thought I'd get some
pleasure from it, but I don't.

Not that it isn't the
performance of a lifetime.

I still don't know what
you're talking about.

I'm talking about the relationship
you had with my husband.

Could you say
that again, please?

You heard me.

I couldn't possibly have.

After 15 years of deceiving me,

Are you still trying to deny that
you had an affair with my husband?

We should probably
come back a little later.

You go ahead. I'll catch up.

This is insane, gwen.

It took two years,

But last week I finally
worked up enough courage

To clean out jack's study.

Have you any idea
what that's like?

You sit in the middle
of a quiet room

Surrounded by
papers and mementos...

And you're horrified
when you realize

That your purpose is to
throw these things away.

You can't pick up a receipt
without seeing his signature

Or remembering something
that he bought for you.

And then... I found these.

What are they?

Letters you wrote to jack.

Those letters are
completely innocent.

Oh, then you just happen
to forget our home address,

And jack probably
just forgot to tell me

That you'd been writing
him letters for 15 years.

Gwen, believe me,
we were just friends.

How dare you?

I've read your letters.

"With much love, edna."

So she takes out these letters
and practically throws them at her.

I didn't know what to do.

That's a tough spot.

I had to be standing in that
window at that particular time.

Why was I blessed
with this talent?

Don't knock yourself out.

All right, so you were there,

The conversation
got a little sticky,

But you know mrs. Garrett,

You know the kind
of person she is.

And I know what that lady said,

She said mrs. Garrett had
an affair with her husband.

Andy, do you know
what you're saying?

Yes.

Good, because I did not want
to be the one to explain it to you.

Do you think it's true?

It's none of my business.

But if it were,

I'd always put my
money on mrs. Garrett.

So would i. What for?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Maybe they know
something about it.

Andy.

They live with her, george.

Is this about me?

Gwen accused mrs.
Garrett of having a...

A something.

Ooh, a something.

That's bad.

Having a what?

I can't say.

Oh, good. I love games. Ok.

She accused her
of having... A perm.

A snack.

A cow.

Gwen accused mrs. Garrett of
having an affair with her husband.

Excuse me?

Do you know what you're saying?

Yeah. We've been
through all that.

And what happened exactly?

She had some letters mrs.
Garrett had written to her husband.

She said it had been
going on a long time.

Letters.

There has to be an explanation.

Of course there is.

Maybe it's the obvious one.

Come on.

It's possible. These
things do happen, jo.

But not mrs. Garrett.

I didn't think my father
could do it either.

You can't trust anybody.

Natalie.

What did mrs.
Garrett say to gwen?

That it wasn't true.

Well, there, you see?

What do you expect her to say?

Well, can we at least give
her the benefit of the doubt?

She was really in love with him.

Oh, that's the way, tootie.

For 15 years?

She had to keep it a secret?

When you're in love, you want
to walk by everyone you meet

And yell, "hey, I'm in love!"

Well, for 15 years, all
mrs. Garrett could do

Was walk by people
and yell, "hey!"

Oh, yeah, great,
let's romanticize this.

Poor mrs. Garrett,
the other woman,

Living for years
with a secret love.

What is the matter
with you people?

You're making up a story.

Somebody overheard
a conversation,

A conversation he shouldn't
have been around for.

Oh, sure, blame me
for doing my job.

We're talking
about mrs. G here...

Never lies, bakes
cookies, knits.

Even knitters can make mistakes.

Oh, good, now we're
calling it a mistake.

We're not calling it anything

Because I don't
think it happened.

I hope you're right,
because if it did,

After six years of mrs. Garrett

Talking about trust,
loyalty, and friendship,

I'd be a little disappointed.

What time is it?

Oh, andy, I almost
forgot about you.

Oh, you were terrific.

You can go home now.
You were wonderful.

I'm closing up.

You want to start her up for me?

I think I fell asleep
there for a few minutes.

I dreamt I was a
powdered doughnut.

Thank you. You were wonderful.

Good night, andy.

Good night.

You know, I've had
better days than this.

This morning, when
my alarm went off,

It was playing fun, fun,
fun by the beach boys.

Once you hear that song
it's part of your head for life.

Then I got a hot
roller stuck in my hair.

Nobody was here, so I
had to wear it to work.

Forgot about
it, wore it all day.

When I got home I found out
that someone I really trusted

Had cheated on her best friend.

I'm sure everybody
noticed the roller,

But they were probably too
embarrassed to say anything

Or they thought it
was part of my new look.

What I can't figure out is how
to ever trust this person again.

Where did you hear this?

Does it matter? Not really.

All my life I've expected a
lot from people I care about...

You, my father.

Maybe I should stop
fighting it and realize

The whole world has affairs.

So, where do I sign up?

Oh, natalie, the whole
world doesn't have affairs.

Jack schaeffer and I were
friends, close friends,

And that's it!

I want to believe
you. Then believe me.

I can't. Then don't.

Come on, mrs. Garrett,
there were letters.

Why didn't you explain them,
why didn't you defend yourself?

I have to tell you, natalie,

I'm beginning to resent
having to justify myself

To every person who
comes through this shop!

I don't think I fall
into that category.

I'm sorry, natalie.
Of course you don't.

I didn't explain it
to gwen because...

I couldn't.

Good night, mrs. Garrett.

Good night, natalie.

"My dearest edna,

"It's 3:00 in the morning and
gwen is asleep in the next room.

"The last few days
have been hectic,

"And I've looked
forward to this time,

"When I can finally be
alone with my thoughts...

And you."

Thank you for coming.

When you called there
was no way in the world

I was going to come back here,

And then I began to wonder,

"What could she possibly
have to say to me?"

My curiosity got
the better of me.

I wanted to ask you...

This affair that jack and I had,

Do you know when it started?

I'd guess about 15 years ago.

Or was it longer?

Well, you should
know the exact day.

You were there.

The three of us had
been to the opening

Of one of jack's new
york restaurants.

We were all sitting
in your living room,

And jack was reading us one
of his poems, do you remember?

I remember that night.

Chased by success.

It was pretty good.

It was a waste of his time. Why?

You can't earn a
living writing poetry.

My dad proved that.

Gwen, did I ever tell you,

When we were kids, going
to your house after school

Was one of my
greatest pleasures.

Your father would read
us some of his stories.

They were wonderful.

And unsold.

He had a real knack for
charming people, my dad,

He just never got the
hang of supporting a family.

And you thought that
would happen to jack?

I married a doer, someone
who accomplished things.

If I'd wanted a
starving artist...

Yes, but jack was a
wonderful blend of both.

Fortunately, the doer won out.

Chased by success was
the last poem he ever wrote.

Oh, no, it wasn't. It was the
last poem you ever heard.

What?

That night, he asked me if he can
send me a poem he was working on,

And get my reaction.

So that's how it all began.

That's all there was.

15 Years of his poems
and my comments.

I don't believe you.

Knowing how you felt,

He asked me to write
him at the office.

Oh, how kind of him.

You were both such good friends.

I wanted to do what was right.

And then I thought,

No husband and wife can
be everything to each other.

So this way, jack can have
someone to share his poetry with,

And you wouldn't have
to be troubled by it.

Oh, such noble motives, edna.

This deception was all for me.

Part of it was,
the largest part.

The rest was for me.

At a time when no
one else was asking,

He wanted my opinion.

But that's all it was.

Edna, I read your letters.

Read them again. I did.

And then I read his.

Oh, gwen,

I should have given you
these a long time ago.

Jack may not have been the
greatest poet in the world,

But I think this
one's worth reading.

"My dearest edna, I've done it.

"At least I think I've done it.

"Please listen.

"The days move
with alarming speed,

"Fueled by ugliness and greed.

"And only one
thought helps me find

"Contentment and
some peace of mind.

"I hold fast to my heart wherein

I keep the love of gwendolyn."

He wrote it for me.

There are more.

I never kept a secret
from you before, gwen.

Can you forgive me?

What time is it?

Midnight.

Seven hours before
my plane leaves.

We could cover a awful
lot of gossip in seven hours.

Same rules?

Same rules.

Now, listen. It's sadie.

You remember sadie?

Come on. You know about her.
Post Reply