07x15 - Stake-Out Blues

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Okay, mrs. Garrett,
the battle of the bulge,

How long did that last?

All my life,
tootie. All my life.

Mrs. G., I'm serious.

Oh, tootie, please.
I'm trying to pack.

I have to catch a plane

And I can't find
my carry-on bag.

It's a test on world w*r ii.

I wasn't there. You were.

See much action, mrs. G?

What action? I was
in junior high school.

Where would I put
my carry-on bag?

I found it under
a seat upstairs.

Of course. How did you know?

It was a cinch. It wasn't in any
of our overhead compartments.

Will you be needing
a pillow or a blanket?

Not a bad idea. My sister and I
were up half the night on the phone.

This divorce is
really tearing her up.

It's a good you're going.

Yeah, she does need me.

Well, we got her a little
gift, something to cheer her up.

Thank you. I know I should go,

But maybe... I shouldn't go.

We'll be fine. We'll be fine.

Are you sure?

We're sure. We're sure.

Well, what if you need me?

We won't.

You won't need me anymore?

Yes, we will always need you.

Then I'll stay.

But your sister needs you more.

You're right.

And we'll be fine.

Well, thank you, girls.

I better run over and
pick up my dry cleaning

So I can pack it.

Listen, the battle of
midway, was that exactly

Halfway through the w*r?

Tootie.

There's so much
more left to learn.

Oh, my.

Good afternoon.

Can I help you with anything?

And I do mean anything.

Detective bassinson
of the peekskill police.

Do yu need to see my badge?

It if means taking off
your jacket, absolutely.

Uh, what can we
do for you, officer?

Well, I need your help.

We've been tipped that
an illegal transaction's

Gonna take place in
your shop this afternoon.

There must be some mistake.

We're not that type of shop.

Blair, the sign says welcome.

The criminal element isn't
exactly gonna be deterred

By a duck in the window.

Why here?

Well, the place is perfect.

It's conveniently located,

Accessible to all bus lines,

And it has the kind of
colorful merchandise

That attracts a broad
spectrum of the public.

Would you be willing
to say that on the radio?

Uh... You said something
about an illegal transaction?

It's strictly routine.

We have a positive i.d. On
the buyers of the goods.

What we'd like to do
is stakeout your shop,

Take some pictures,

And when the stuff
changes hands,

Well, then we arrest
the perpetrators.

Goods? Stuff? Perpetrators?

Nothing to worry about.

Now, if you'd like to
take a few minutes

And discuss whether or not

You're going to
cooperate with the police,

Then go right ahead.

I'll just browse.

Goods? Stuff? Perpetrators?

I think we should help him.

Do I see something
in those eyes?

Perhaps a hint of
romantic interest?

What kind of goods?
How much stuff?

How big are these perpetrators?

You think there'll be sh**ting?

Blair, it's our
responsibility as citizens

To help the police
catch criminals.

You like him.

Your pupils are dilating.

What if there's
gonna be sh**ting?

Most of our
merchandise is inflatable.

She's right. I vote no stakeout.

Me, too. Mrs. Garrett
has enough on her mind

Without worrying
about sh**ting and g*ns.

I vote no.

I don't see why jo's
obvious infatuation

Should jeopardize our business.

I am not infatuated.

Is it hot in here?

They want us to spy on some
poor unsuspecting criminals.

No way, it smacks
of big brother.

Natalie, natalie,
you're a writer!

This could be a best seller.

A personal account
of a major shakedown

From a woman's point of view.

I vote he stays.

What?

Tootie, she's right, it
would make a great book

And it has film possibilities.

I'm not selling out.

All right, two against two.

We'll have mrs. G
be the tie-breaker.

Oh, very clever, jo.

You know we can't
tell mrs. Garrett.

She'd be too worried
to visit her sister.

This little gambit is designed to
make me change my vote, isn't it?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Very well. I abstain.

Motion carried.

Officer.

So what's the good word?

It's a go!

Great.

All right, kate. It's a go.

You got it, scott.
I'm ready here.

Kate?

Oh, my partner. She'll be
in the surveillance vehicle.

Oh.

Female partner. That's great.

Yeah, she's terrific.

Too bad she's married.

Oh?

Oh.

Great, what do we do now?

Well, for now, we just wait.

Oh, you mean bide our time, lay
low, keep out of sight, blend in?

Yeah.

Wait.

Now, what can I do in the store

So that I won't look
conspicuous, huh?

You mean a cover?

Affirmative.

I know, why don't I
just be a salesclerk?

Well, have you ever
done that before?

Not exactly, but I was a
waiter on an extortion case.

And before that, I
was a shoe salesman,

A barber, and a
lieutenant governor.

Listen, kate.

Were you ever a history teacher?

Nope.

I was.

You were?

Yeah, I did a whole
semester of american history

For a high school drug bust.

Can I borrow her?

She's all yours.

So what part of the store
do you want me to work?

Why don't we let miss polniaczek
here show you the ropes?

You can call her jo.

She can call you... Scott.

I heard his partner say it.

Now you two just get acquainted.

So I guess it's just
the usual stuff, right?

Hi. How are you?
Welcome to the store.

Can I show you a penguin clock?

Hi.

Hi. How are you?
Welcome to the store.

Can I show you a penguin clock?

Who are you?

Uh, this is scott.

He's helping out.

Yeah, it's all right.

There's no problem.

You hired extra help?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought you said you'd
be all right without me.

Oh, you work here, too?

Uh-huh.

Then I'd like to thank you
now for what you're doing.

What am I doing?

He means about beverly
and what you're doing.

He's really touched.

Let me help you pack.

Why do you have a walkie-talkie?

Ha ha ha. Looks just
like one, doesn't it?

It's not, though.
You know, it's, uh...

It's a gum dispenser.

I'll just put this back.

Scott's had a lot of experience

And has some wonderful
merchandising ideas.

I think you'll be very pleased.

Oh, well, that's just great.

I feel much better now.

Nice meeting you, scott.

Nice boy.

Mm-hmm.

You don't want her to
know about the stakeout

Because it'll worry her and
she may not leave on her trip

And beverly needs her, right?

How did you do that?

Hey, I'm a detective.

I detect.

You like him.

I'm gonna go out to the van

And get the
surveillance equipment.

What are you doing?

Well, the surveillance
equipment was kinda obvious.

So we thought we'd
hang a sign on it,

Make it look like part
of the merchandise.

"We" thought?

Yeah, well, scott and I kinda
came up with the idea together.

Are you doing anything
else... Together?

Blair, please.

Why don't you put the
poor man out of his misery

And ask him out?

Blair, that's not my style.

What is your style?

Two out of three falls?

So, after the
invasion of normandy?

Paris was liberated
and then all of france.

Then what happened?

Gee, I don't know.

The bust went down,

And I was pulled out of school.

Well, hello there.

I noticed you've been
parked here a while.

Having mechanical trouble?

I don't believe it. It's george.

He's trying to pick her up.

Yeah, you know, I work
over at the hardware store,

So I'm pretty handy.

You want me to look
under your hood?

You know, your eyes...

I can't quite figure out
what color they are.

Oh, is that lame.

Hey, I'm not interested, ok?

Great. Fine. Hey, no problem.

I was just being neighborly.

Ooh, sh*t down.

Now, everybody be
nice when he comes in.

Boy, I'll tell you, it's not safe
to walk the streets anymore.

This chick outside
was all over me.

Having some mechanical
trouble, george?

What's going on?

You just tried to pick up a cop.

That's her partner.

Detective bassinson.

Her eyes are green.

It's a stakeout, george.

Very soon we'll be
overrun with perpetrators

Passing stuff and selling goods.

Oh, great!

We could use your help, george.

I'm ready. You need to wire me?

No, george, we need you to
keep mrs. Garrett out of the shop.

We can't let her know.

It's important.

I'm in.

Girls, I was just thinking.

You know... What's this?

Since when did we start
selling video cameras?

It's not a camera.

What is it?

Another gum dispenser?

No... It's a phone.

A phone?

Why is it selling for half off?

It only makes local calls.

George, uh, could you help
mrs. G with her luggage?

I don't know... I'd love to.

Thank you, george.
They're right in the hall.

Ok.

Under control.

10-4.

Scott, it's going down.

The perpetrators
are on the way in.

A male caucasian in a brown
jacket with a dusty rose vest

And a female
caucasian in a red hat.

Okay, got it. We're ready.

Ok, everybody, this is it.
Stay cool and act natural.

Those are the perpetrators?

I don't get it. These sweet old
people? There's gotta be a mistake.

No mistake. Scott said he
has a positive i.d. On them.

It's the cutest couple I've
ever seen in my whole life.

It's impossible.

They just couldn't
be dealing in dr*gs.

We don't know it's dr*gs.

It could be firearms
or expl*sives.

Or mahjong tiles. Look at them.

Excuse me, ladies,

But the suspects are
beginning to suspect something.

Scott, you can't
arrest these people.

Of course not, nothing
happens till the seller comes

And money changes hands.

Why wait?

Let's b*at a confession out
of them with a rubber hose.

Look, why don't
we just spread out

And try not to act like there's
a stakeout going on, okay?

Come on, tootie, we're
getting to the bottom of this.

What kind of a place is this?

Can I help you?

I love helping people in need,

If you know what I mean.

Yes. We're looking
for a birthday card.

Oh, well, right this way.

Oh, this one's cute.

Would you read it to me?

I forgot my glasses.

Sure, oh, it's for
your grandson.

No, it's for my baby brother.

He's turning 60 on saturday.

Okay, I'll just add a zero here.

"Happy birthday, little cowboy.

"You've learned
to skip and play.

"And if someone
asks how old you are,

You tell them, I'm 60 today."

That's sweet!

The little buckaroo
will love it.

How about some coffee
and conversation?

How much is the coffee?

Oh, it's free. Comes
with the card.

Oh, such a friendly place.

Has either of you seen a man

In a blue bow tie
and a pinstriped suit?

Say no more. The
walls have ears.

And the phones have eyes.

In this place, I can believe it.

Do you mind if I
sit down? I'm b*at.

I'm working two jobs
trying to make ends meet.

How in the world
do you two manage?

It's not easy.

Social security
doesn't pay the bills.

Sometimes we have
to get... Creative.

Creative!

Oh, you mean like baby-sitting,
stuffing envelopes,

Selling raffle tickets.

Why are you doing this?

She's right, max.

You know that coffee
makes you irregular.

No, what natalie's
trying to tell you...

Oh, girls!

Stay right here.

Unless you want to
change your minds and run.

Natalie.

I just have one thing to say,

The penalty for
obstructing police business

Is one year in prison.

Ouch!

What were you two
trying to doing over there?

Keeping sweet
people out of jail.

They're not so sweet.
They're buying bad things.

How bad can they be?

They're goods.
That's got to be bad.

What kind of goods are they?

I think it's about
time we found out.

Let's ask scott.

Why don't we let jo ask scott?

They have a rapport.

Scott.

We were thinking we might be
able to help you a little better

If we knew what the
transaction was about.

Oh, sure, they're buying
counterfeit bus passes.

Bus passes? Shh.

That's it. You're arresting
them for buying bus passes?

It's just the tip of
the iceberg, right?

No, no, that's all there is.

But they're reselling them.

Oh, well, there you go.

It's a huge operation.

Last year alone, it cost the
transit authority over $200,000.

But they're such
sweet old people.

Hey, criminals come in all ages.

Hey, look, I just won 12
bucks in the football pool!

Go ahead, scott, wrestle
the little dirtbag to the floor.

Give me a break,
natalie. I'm a cop.

Boy, the folks at
the rescue mission

Are really gonna
be happy with this,

And so, in a sense,

It justifies what I've done.

Don't worry, kid.
You're small potatoes.

Was that a "short" joke?

Andy, do us a favor, see if that
couple would like some more coffee.

Sure.

Hi, how about a refill?

No, thank you.

Then how about a cookie?

We got pecan,
macadamia, and pistachio.

I guess you could say
we're nuts about our cookies.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, look at him,
max. Isn't he sweet?

He looks like just matthew.

Our grandson.

He tells jokes, too.

We have four children

And seven grandchildren.

Whom we see once a year.

That's a shame.

Well, they're too
busy with their jobs,

And we don't have the
money to go and see them,

But we're going
to change all that.

Seven grandchildren.
You should be so proud.

I bet they look up to you.

I know I look up to
my grandparents.

Yep, they're real role models.

I look up to my
grandparents, too.

Good, andy. Good.

Natalie.

Keep up the good work, andy.

Max, I'm worried.

Oh, sarah, we've
already been over this.

Max, if that were matthew
standing over there,

Would you still go
through with this?

What we're doing is wrong.

Oh, we'll have the money
to visit our grandchildren,

But when we get there,
how can we face them?

Look at him.

Look at that face.

You're right.

Let's go.

Hold it right there.

You can't hold them,
scott. That's entrapment.

I know. Her parents are lawyers.

Tell him, tootie.

My parents are lawyers.

Please.

You folks, have a nice day.

Oh, wait, I'll walk you out.

I was just heading
down to the mission

To start easing other
people's misfortunes right away.

So what do you do now?

I guess I go back to the station

And try to explain
to the captain

How the bad guy got away.

Kate, you there?

Yeah, and I just
spotted our man.

He's a block away.
You all set in there?

Oh, great.

Wait a minute, does the seller
know what the buyers look like?

No, just that one of them's a
white-haired woman with a red hat.

Tootie, go get mrs. Garrett.

Why?

We may not have a
white-haired woman in a red hat,

But we have a red-haired
woman in a white hat.

Mrs. Garrett! I love it.

Jo, we can't do this.

We weren't going
to tell mrs. Garrett.

This kinda thing
always upsets her.

Yeah, now you're
making her an accomplice.

Natalie, I got an
ending for your movie.

"Garrett nabs the crooks."

I'd go see it.

You know you
don't have to do this.

Yeah, I do. I want to.

You're really
something, you know that?

It's people like you that
make my job worthwhile.

All right, I'll help.

You?

All right. You're in.

Ok, here she is.

Now, what's this all about?

All right, mrs. G., We
really need your help.

Scott is not a clerk.

The video camera is not a phone.

Scott, the seller is moving in.

And that's not a gum dispenser.

This is a stakeout.

There's a man coming in to
sell counterfeit bus passes.

It's a huge operation.

It costs the city a fortune,

But the nice old lady
in the hat already left.

She was the buyer.

Now the seller won't
know who to sell to.

So there's no buyer.

So there won't be any bust.

The seller's
coming in any second

And you really gotta
help us and scott

'Cause he's a cop.

We'd really appreciate it.

Give me the hat.

All right! All right!

What do I do?

You wear the hat.

We'll do the negotiating.

One, two, three.

He's coming in.

It's nice to see senior
citizens staying active.

Wasn't it supposed to be
white hair and a red hat?

Was it?

No, no, no.

Red hair, white hat.

You must be confused?

Who's she?

She's here to make sure
nothing happens to her.

Who's she?

She's here to make sure
nothing happens to me

While nothing's
happening to her.

What do you think's
gonna happen?

You're gonna get a
papercut from the bus passes?

Come on, come on. Let's see 'em.

How come they
do all the talking?

'Cause I get to wear the hat.

Can we get on with this?

My, very authentic.

How about the cash?

Police. You're under arrest.

Just me? What about
ma barker and the g*ng?

They're with me.

Good job, ladies.

Very professional.

Hey, no sweat.

All in a day's work.

Well, I guess I better
take this guy in.

Thanks a lot, all of you.

Look, if you ever need any help,

Just give me a call.

Hey, if you ever
need any of our help,

You just give us a call.

Yeah? Well, look, uh...

Cops usually end up
eating in greasy spoons

Or doughnut shops.

So, well... Well, I
was wondering...

You must know a lot
better places to eat.

Yeah, well, there are a couple
of place over on beckwood.

Look, if you two want
to be alone, I'll leave.

Ok if I give you a call?

Yeah, sure. That'd be great.

Ain't love grand?

All right. Let's go.

You want to take the bus?

You have the right
to remain silent...

I know.

This was perfect.

We got the crook.
Jo got the guy.

I got writer's cramp...

And you've all got a
lot of explaining to do.