07x18 - Concentration

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Facts of Life". Aired: August 24, 1979 - May 7, 1988.*
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Spin-off of Diff'rent Strokes; focuses on Edna as she becomes a housemother at the fictional Eastland School, an all-girls boarding school.
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07x18 - Concentration

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Where is mrs. Garrett?

Blair, don't worry,
she'll be here to babysit.

Now take it from the top.

Fellow students.
I'm deeply humbled

To receive this award for
excellence in achievement.

It is an honor to be...

Blair, you have to
say it like you mean it.

On three hours' sleep,
this is exactly how I mean it.

Why don't you try a
simpler speech, like,

"Thanks, I don't deserve it."

Jo!

Oh, come on! She comes
up with this stupid idea,

Writes a ridiculous paper

And this league comes out of
nowhere and gives her a plaque.

I think the league of small
independent business persons

Knows a little better than you

Who should receive an
award and who should not.

Contour topsheets, blair?

You're getting an award

For inventing contour topsheets?

Jo, will you let her
rehearse her speech?

I'll take bailey.
Babies trust me.

[Baby cries]

Until I actually touch them.

Give her to me.

The piggy routine
will always work.

This little piggy
went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy
had roast beef,

And this little piggy had none.

[Baby cries]

It's that downer ending.

Members of the business
community, fellow students.

All right, this
requires teamwork.

Guys, on the count of three.

1,2,3.

Hi, I'm mistress mouse.

And these are my
friends, mr. Rattlesnake,

And mr. Stupid face.

Aren't we funny?

[Baby cries]

Why do adults always
talk to kids like that?

Let me.

Ok, kid, I know where you
are. I've been there myself.

You're bored, you can't crawl,

And your feet taste funny.

But your sister blair,
she's got problems too.

[Baby cries]

She doesn't care.

How do you do that?

She misses her mother.
I'm the next best thing.

When is your mother coming back?

In a few days.

She's had a rough
couple of months,

You know, with
bailey having colic

And feedings every
couple of hours.

She deserved to
take a few days off.

Where'd she go?

Bolivia.

Where is mrs. Garrett?

She's in a winnebago and
she'll be here any minute,

Unless her sister's driving.

Blair, the dinner's at 6:30,

Your speech is at 7:00. Go.

Members of the
business community.

What's wrong with
regular topsheets?

They come untucked.

Horrors.

You're just jealous.

Me, jealous? Ha!

All right, I'm a little jealous.

I have a journal full of
really useful inventions,

But did I get an award?

For what?

Well, for one, my
magnetic toothpaste cap.

It always returns to the tube.

What a novel idea.

Why didn't you ever
do anything with it?

It only worked if you
were facing north.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello. Hey, mrs. Garrett.

Where is she? Where are you?

Well, I'm at this lovely
little rest stop area...

Somewhere.

They're lost.

Lost?

Well, we're not exactly lost.

I just don't know where we are.

Or where we were.

Or how we got here.

Gimme the phone. I'm
good with directions.

Hey, mrs. G, are you
in a phone booth?

Near as I can tell.

All right, good, read me
the area code from the dial.

609.

Mrs. G, you're in new jersey.

I told you something
terrible happened.

Yes, dear, new jersey.

Beverly ann said she's always
wanted to see new jersey.

Oh, no kidding? Isn't that great
how things work out like that?

Give me that phone.

Hello, mrs. Garrett.

Oh, blair, I feel so
awful about this.

We all do.

I was so looking forward
to babysitting bailey.

That's all right, mrs. Garrett.

I'm sure we'll work
something out.

Enjoy new jersey.

Bye.

Jo, could you grab
the diaper bag?

We're taking bailey with us?

We have no choice. If I leave
her here with one of you,

She'll scream until I get back.

I'll pull the car around.

Andy.

I'll get the formula.

Blair, isn't bailey's
feeding at 7:00?

Like exactly when you're
supposed to be giving your speech?

Let's just pray she
sleeps through it.

Hey, girls, listen to this.

"The palace is one of new york's

"Last great european
style hotels.

"This supremely elegant example

"Of 19th century architecture

"Is unique, universally admired,

And scheduled for
demolition next spring."

Typical. They're always doing
that to historical landmarks.

Oh, there you are.

Shh! Just try to keep
your voices down.

I just now got her to sleep.

Ooh!

How sweet.

Touch her and die.

She's not feeling too well.

Well.

Where is that elevator?

You were supposed
to get the elevator.

It is 6:37. I'm
going to be late.

We pushed the button.

That's it? You
pushed the button?

We were going to
pry open the doors

And yank down the cable,

But we thought you'd
like to do that yourself.

Going up.

Shh!

[Baby cries]

Thanks a lot.

Come on, it's ok.

No, it's not.

Honey, why now?

Some things are
out of our hands.

Go ahead and get the
seats. I'll change her.

I'd offer to do it, but
you might take me up on it.

Change her in here.
I've been here for years.

I've seen it all.

Thanks. I'm sure she'll be
more comfortable in the lobby.

Suit yourself. I'll be
back down in a jiffy.

Work on the speech.

Where is that elevator?

How long could a jiffy be?

Members of the
business community...

Fellow students, I am deeply...

What? I am deeply... Disturbed?

Honored.

The pleasure is
all mine. Going up?

Beautiful baby.

Are we moving yet
or do we need to wait

For mission control?

Oh, you're in a hurry.

Wait till that baby of yours
starts growing up before your eyes,

Then you'll see what hurry is.

Thanks, I'll remember that.

Anyway, she's my sister.

What's the matter?
Why aren't we moving?

Best guess?

I'd say because we stopped.

Bessie does that
every once in a while.

You named the elevator bessie?

You have a better name?

Just tell me, are we stuck?

She's just taking a breather.

After a hard day's work,
she gets a little fatigued.

She'll get warmed
up again in a jiffy.

Not another jiffy.

Oh, look.

"In case of emergency press
button, alarm will sound."

Maybe this is not
such an emergency.

Are you kidding?

I'm making a speech.
They're giving me a plaque.

I'm a young entrepreneur.

Maybe then I should call marge.

Who's marge? The escalator?

I don't believe it.

It's a telephone.

We've had them around
for quite some time.

Please just hurry. Call marge.

Marge.

Sam.

Yeah, yeah.

How's the leg?

Uh-huh.

Well, just keep it elevated.

Oh, that reminds me.

Bessie's on the fritz again.

Yes, stuck.

Same place she
was stuck last time,

When that pregnant lady
finally had twins, wasn't it?

Probably named sam and bessie.

Named them sam
and bessie, I think.

Sam, please.

Look, just call harry, ok?

Move it, marge. No jiffys.

They're already
into the first speech.

Electric shoetrees.

You plug them in at night,

And you get warm
feet in the morning.

Plug-in shoetrees!

That's the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.

Mine had batteries.

Where is blair? How long can
it take her to change a baby?

Depends. Any
directions on the box?

Guys, I've got some news. This
place is being torn down next friday.

Thought you said next spring.

Last year's guidebook.

Wait a minute, there's
something wrong here.

That elevator dial hasn't
moved in a few minutes.

I think it's stuck.

Oh, elevators get
stuck every day.

They'll have them
out in no time.

Friday at the latest.

I'll go find the manager.

Blair is on next, right after
the pet-proof medicine caps.

I had that idea.

[Baby cries]

Uh-oh, 7:00. Time
for bailey's feeding.

So? Guess who's got the bottle?

It's 7:25. She'll never make it
now. What are we gonna do?

Someone is gonna
have to go on for blair.

Someone is gonna have to
accept that award. Someone...

I'll do it.

I didn't even get to the
part about the gipper.

Members of the business
community, fellow students,

Miss warner can't
be with us tonight,

But accepting for ms. Warner
is her close personal friend,

Tootie ramsey of peekskill.

I never saw a baby that
didn't like matzo balls.

You seem to know an
awful lot about babies.

Babies and old men
have a lot in common.

Neither of us have
enough teeth to work with.

She sure is a cute little thing.

What's that on her shirt?

It's an alligator.

You didn't have polo
players in her size?

If you want success,
you have to dress for it.

That's a
successful-looking baby.

What's all that hullabaloo
about the trophy, huh?

It's a plaque.

Oh, well, excuse me.

It's important to me.

It means I've done
something on my own.

Independence is good.

I'm ready to climb up the
ladder of corporate success.

You're gonna be a
very busy young lady,

Maybe too busy.

Bailey?

Oh, I'd never
forget about bailey.

I've even started
working on her i.r.a.

And I was wondering
why she's sleeping so well.

Why hasn't anybody come yet?

What is marge doing down there?

Harry's hard to find sometimes.

Between you and me,

Occasionally he slips
up to 607 for a nap.

You're telling me he's napping?

We are suspended
hundreds of feet in the air,

Ready to plunge to our
deaths at any moment,

And he is napping?

We're in no danger.

He'll get to us
when he wakes up.

This elevator is going
to be fixed right now.

Hello, marge?

This is miss warner,
blair warner,

Eldest daughter of david
warner, of warner textiles.

Yeah, the one in the elevator.

Listen, marge, I want some
action, and I want it now.

No, I'm not threatening you.

I'm asking you to
consider unemployment.

Marge, m... Don't cry, marge.

I just want to get
out of this elevator

And make my speech.

Just do what you can.

A jiffy will be fine.

So, is it a good speech?

Pretty good.

Ok, let me hear it.

You really want to hear it?

I'm a c*ptive audience.

I can't believe how
hot it is in here.

Well, just make
yourself comfortable.

Relax. Bessie is not formal.

So what were you going to say?

Members of the
business community...

That's us.

Fellow students, I am deeply...

I am deeply... Humbled.

Well, they're definitely
stuck down there.

They said it's
gonna take a while.

Where is everybody?

Tootie gave a speech.
Andy led a standing ovation.

I left the two of them in a
banquet hall signing autographs.

I wonder how blair's
holding up with bailey.

Do you think
there's anybody else

In there with them?

Yeah, there's an
elevator operator

And some lady named bessie.

Bessie. Sounds like it's someone

That's good with kids.

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ New york, new york ♪

♪ Bop, bop, da, bu, da,
bop, bop, bump, bump, bip ♪♪

Unbelievable.

Sure, why not? That song
always put me to sleep.

Oh, sorry.

Oh. Young kid came
in the other day.

Thought it was my phone number.

I told him my memory
was not that bad.

You really were
in one, weren't you?

I mean, I've always heard
about that on the radio.

I mean, I've seen things
on t.v. About, uh...

Concentration camps.

But somehow, i...

I'd never really seen anybody
with... With numbers before.

Spoken like a true
business person.

You have to see the numbers.

Well, it was history to me.

I never liked history much.

Me neither.

But you survived.

I'm lucky.

I can't imagine it.

I still can't.

After was when I
came to america,

I worked very hard
at putting it behind me.

And you've done very
well for yourself.

You're in charge

Of a vital
transportation service.

Oh, I didn't make it
this big right away.

I had to start out by owning
a manufacturing plant.

Got to be very big. It was easy.

I'd lost all my family. And
all I had left was work.

But one day...

I was in a taxi,

And I saw my little brother
walking down the street.

He was alive.

By the time I got the taxi
driver to come to the side,

He was gone, lost in the crowd.

I walked that street
every day for a month.

No luck.

Aren't there any organizations
that could help you?

I contacted them all.
Here, in europe, in israel.

All the same thing...

"Karl witowski was k*lled
at majdanek june 18, 1944."

But I know he is alive.

I saw him with my own eyes.

I spent all my
time and my money.

My business went down the drain.

All I could think
of is my brother...

To hold him, to look in his eye.

But if everybody told
you your brother...

Oh, who is this everybody?
They make mistakes, too.

I know my brother.

But i... I just did not
know how to find him.

And then I got to thinking,

Maybe I'll let karl find me.

I knew he was interested
in architecture.

He traveled, looking
at all kinds of buildings.

So I looked for one very
special beautiful building.

The palace.

I know one day he's going
to come to see this building,

Especially now when they say
they're gonna knock it down.

And when he walks
in this elevator...

That will be my success.

It won't be long now.

I'm sure it won't, sam.

[Baby cries]

Not again, bailey.

Oh, you and little bailey
don't get along so well, huh?

Of course, we do.

Except when she's wet.

Or hungry.

Or awake.

I used to think karl
was a nuisance, too,

Always following his
big brother around,

Pestering me to read his poetry.

I was busy. I never read it.

One night I came home,

The door was wide open.

There was nobody there.

Furniture broken.

Papers all over the floor.

This, I kept.

What is it?

It's the first poem he wrote.

I think he was 9 years old.

I carried it in my shoes,

Until I didn't have
any more shoes.

And then I memorized it
and wrote it when I could.

I never heard it read aloud.

You missed your speech.

Would you like to
read this for me? Please.

"The trees wear
their hats of snow,

"The gray clouds look
like mama's pillows,

"I make music on my
father's typewriter,

"Tickety-tak, tickety-tak.

I hate school."

In polish it rhymes.

It's beautiful.

I think it is.

Listen, one day you're going to be
rushing off to a big business meeting,

And little bailey
will say to you,

"Wait, big sister.

Read my poem."

And you will think,

"Oh, it's such a big meeting.
I don't want to be late."

Take my advice.

Read the poem, even
if it doesn't rhyme.

[Telephone rings]

Elevator, sam speaking.

Oh, hello, marge. How's the leg?

Oh. Good.

Thank you, marge.

So?

Oh, harry's on the job.

We should be moving
in a jiffy. In a jiffy.

Going down.

Hear that? In the
wrong direction.

But who's complaining?

I'm sorry that you missed
your important night.

You know, sam, I
don't think I did.

They made it.

What took you so long?

Ugh, it must have been terrible.

Calm down, calm down.
She's been through a lot.

Give her room to breathe.

Well, the banquet's over,
but tootie covered for you.

How was i?

They couldn't get enough of you.

And I was nervous.

I saved you some sherbet.

I didn't think you'd
be gone that long.

And here's our plaque.

Thanks.

Were you scared?

No. Actually, I had
a very nice time.

Oh, good, 'cause while
you were in there,

I came up with this idea...

A musical pacifier.

You stick it in the kid's mouth.

The music drowns out the crying.

Jo, babies don't cry when they
have a pacifier in their mouth.

Oh, great, one plaque, she
thinks she's thomas edison.

So let me see the trophy.

Excuse me, the plaque.

Oh, it's nice.

It's no big deal.

Oh, yes, yes.

It's nice to have a
plaque for your wall.

Like me. Look.

"Inspected by the city of new
york" makes me feel official.

Sam. Huh?

If they tear down the
palace before karl...

Not to worry.

I know a beautiful building.

It's the oldest movie
house in new york city.

Maybe they can use an usher.

Good-bye, sam.

Ciao, miss warner.

Good-bye, bessie.

It's the elevator.

Who else?

Oh, that's ok.

I've got her.

I've got her.
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