07x23 - The Graduate

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin',
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly,
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

"Wanda was 17, frail, and
spoke with a sweet, gentle voice,

And yet, she was probably the
most dangerous woman in el paso."

♪ Da, da, da, da da, da ♪

I'm trying to work here.

♪ Da, da, da, da da, da ♪

Tootie, I have left a very
dangerous woman in el paso.

I'd like to get back to her.

I'm gone.

"Wanda was 17, frail, and..."

Hey, I got it. How
about chinese food?

For a graduation party?

Yeah, it's perfect.

We'll have lots of appetizers
on little pu pu platters.

Pu pu platters?

That sounds like
chinese baby food.

Why don't we eat something
we can all understand?

"Wanda was now 18."

All right, but we
have to have a theme.

How's this for a theme...
Tootie's graduation?

Good idea, I like it.

We'll have a cake
shaped like a yearbook

And we'll have little hot
dogs wrapped up like diplomas.

Yeah, yeah.

No, no.

Oh, come on, that's great.
Nat, would you write this down?

I have an idea for a
theme... Leave natalie alone.

You got it, put her
at a table for one.

"Wanda was now in her 30s,

Frail, and spoke with
a sweet, gentle voice..."

♪ Ta, sha, da, da, da, da ♪

"Wanda is collecting
social security."

Straight from her
triumphant tour

Of the great dairy
state of wisconsin,

Ladies and gentlemen, the big
cheese herself, edna garrett!

How's that for
milking an entrance?

Mrs. Garrett! Oh, nat,
it's so good to see you.

It's great to see
you, you look terrific.

Oh, I feel terrific,
nothing like

Working on a farm
to keep you in shape.

I brought home some
nice, fresh-picked zucchini.

What a thrill.

Well, now, you gotta eat
'em in the next three hours,

Or they lose their vitamin b.

I'm gonna save mine till
dinner and live dangerously.

See you later, andy.

Oh, it's so good, and
I missed you all so.

Natalie, just look how
much you've changed.

Yeah, I'm married
now with two kids.

Little one's in med school.

Mrs. Garrett!

Oh, tootie, tootie.

I'm so glad you
could make it back.

Do you think I'd miss
your graduation?

Mrs. Garrett, I
need to talk to you.

Sure.

Uh, natalie, I hope our
talking won't bother you.

Good thing this
typewriter's portable.

Oh, natalie.

Still writing.

God knows I try.

The world's
against me, but I try.

So, toot, now,
what's so important?

This saturday I'm auditioning

For the role of
dorothy in the wiz.

That's fantastic, tootie.

I already auditioned for the
director, and I'm his choice.

I just have to do it for the
producer now, it's just a formality.

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Um, there's something else.

It's a touring company,

And when it goes on
the road, I'm going with it.

You're not serious?

I'm very serious.

But, please, don't tell
my mom about it yet.

She gets kind of
upset when she feels

I'm spending too much
time on my theatre work.

Oh, I think going on the
road could be a lot of fun

Before you start
college in the fall.

Oh, I don't have to go to
college to be an actress.

Do your parents know about this?

Not yet, let me get
through graduation first.

Oh, tootie, you're
putting me in a tough spot.

You know they're expecting
you to go on to college.

They're both lawyers, they
expect you to be a lawyer too.

I'm not cut out to be a lawyer.

How could I demand
the death penalty?

I pet flies.

Excuse me.

Are you two through
with your little chat yet?

Well, sort of.

'Cause I bet mrs. Garrett would
love to see you in your cap and gown.

Wouldn't you, mrs.
Garrett? I certainly would.

Okay.

Mrs. Garrett,

I have something very
important to tell you.

I'm moving out.

You're what?

I need a place to live.

You've already
got a place to live.

I mean, by myself, I can't
work in this madhouse.

Elizabeth barrett
browning didn't have to work

With blair and jo yelling at
each other, so why should i?

I said to myself,
"daphne... Daphne?

That's my literary name.

I said, "daphne, you're a writer.
You need peace and quiet.

Go find your own apartment."

I'm away a little while, and
everything's gone topsy-turvy.

Tootie's auditioning for a show.

You're moving out... Shh!

This is just between you and me.

Did you tell your mother?

I will. Don't worry.

I just don't wanna
tell the girls

Till I find the apartment, okay?

Okay... Thanks.

Two enormous secrets,

And I haven't even
got my coat off yet.

It's good to be home.

[Doorbell rings]

Diane?

Hi, edna. Hi, diane!

Keep talking.

Tootie, your mom's here!

Shh, this is for my husband,
he can't make the big event,

So I'm putting
the whole on tape.

Give me your
thoughts on all this.

I thought it might be nice
if I could take my coat off.

Diane!

Hello, girls!

Hi, girls.

Mrs. Garrett!

How you doing?

I love it, I love it.

Girls, could you back
up and do that again?

Go.

Mrs. Garrett. Mrs. Garrett.

That's very good, jo.
Okay, blair, you first.

Any words about
tootie's graduation?

Tootie's graduation.

Little tootie.

Little tootie ramsey.

Well, this is quite an event.

It's hard to believe
that our tootie,

Little tootie, will be getting
her high school diploma.

She's the last one of our group

To leave the hallowed
halls of eastland school,

Our alma mater.

How the years have flown by,

Like leaves in the wind,

As we watched tootie grow
more beautiful day by day...

These tapes are
erasable, aren't they?

I thought it was sweet.

Anyway, where's the
star of our show?

Upstairs, we asked to
put on her cap and gown

For a sneak preview.

Oh, great.

Oh, listen, we got the
theme all worked out.

We're gonna have
a graduation luau.

And we do mean luau.

We'll have roast pig, and poi,

And pineapples, and
coconuts, and pu pu platters.

I'm sorry, I should've told you.

I already reserved the banquet
room at the peekskill hotel.

They'll handle everything.

You mean there's
nothing for us to do?

All you have to do is make sure

All of tootie's
friends are invited.

Cancel the pu pu platters.

Mom!

Oh, my.

Oh, no, baby, wait, I
gotta get this on tape.

Would you look at her?

Is this the little girl

Who scooted around
on roller skates?

Is this the little girl
who was only so high?

I think we're heading
for sunrise, sunset.

Tootie, your father's
gonna talk about

A career for women in law?

Your mother's a
lawyer too, isn't she?

Yeah, she had to
stay in washington

To defend some crooks.

In or out of the government?

Natalie, will you hurry up?

I gotta look good for daddy.

Well, what's the rush?

Career day isn't until tomorrow.

Daddy's coming up early
'cause he's never seen eastland.

He's also never seen me

Since I became a... Sex symbol.

Can I come down now?

Oh, no, no, no, not yet.

Oh, your daddy's
gonna love this.

Mom, I feel kinda silly.

My daughter silly?

No way.

We're not just looking at a
high school graduate here.

We're looking at
a future lawyer.

Maybe even a judge.

As president, I swear to uphold

The constitution
of the united states.

As president, I swear to uphold

The constitution
of the united states.

So help me, god.

So help me, god.

I feel privileged to be sworn in

By the second woman
justice of the supreme court.

Hey, no sweat.

Diane, you can't be sure tootie's
gonna be a lawyer or a judge.

What else could she be?

Oh, could be a lot of things.

You never know what a young
person can turn out to be.

[Ring]

Hello?

Mm-hmm, yeah, she
is, just a minute.

Tootie. Oh, thanks.

Hello?

It has?

When?

Uh-huh.

Right, um, I'll call
you right back.

Thanks, bye-bye.

I can't believe
it, I was supposed

To audition for a
show on saturday,

And they just changed
it to 11:00 on friday.

11:00 Friday?

That's when you're
having graduation.

I know.

Well, you can't be in both
places at the same time.

Yeah, it's too bad.

I'm gonna have to
miss graduation.

All right, let me
get this straight.

You are not going to your
high school graduation

Because you are
auditioning for a play?

Mom, it's not just a
play, it's my big break.

Tootie, your father, you, and
i, have been over this 100 times.

First, college, then law school.

And then if you still want
to be an actress, we'll talk.

Maybe we should
leave you guys alone.

Oh, no, I want you here.

Young lady, have you considered
the feelings of this woman,

Who flew all the way
from wisconsin to be here,

Risking life and limb?

Well, I didn't
risk my life, but...

Was there turbulence?
Oh, some, but...

I rest my case.

Mom, why are you making
such an issue out of this?

Tootie, don't you understand?

We'll all be graduating
with you on friday.

Am I right, edna?

I'd like to see you
graduate too, tootie,

But I know how important

This audition is for you.

But then again, you only
graduate from high school once.

But then again, this
could be your big chance.

But then again, they'll be other
chances that'll come around...

Someday.

Help.

Look, tootie, I know
what you're thinking.

You think graduating
is just walking down

Some dumb aisle wearing a gown

And a stupid hat that
looks like a floor tile.

But it's more than that.

Think of... Think of the pomp.

Think of the circumstance.

Think of them both
happening at the same time.

We're talking
lifetime memories here.

I've made my
decision, all right?

I'm going to the audition.

Tootie ramsey, I am making
a video of your graduation,

And your father
expects to see you in it,

So unless you've
got a twin sister...

Hello, casting, please.

It's impossible to work
with all this shouting.

I couldn't help but
overhear the problem.

Let me handle
this... Hi, mrs. Ramsey.

Good to see you,
you're looking well.

Hi, hun, this is wendy
morris, ibc agency.

I'm calling on behalf of
my client, tootie ramsey.

I understand you moved her
audition to friday morning.

Looking over her calendar,
I'm afraid we have a problem.

She already has a
prior commitment.

Uh, well, uh, it's a
personal appearance.

No, we can't change it.

It's been on her
calendar for 17 years.

I'm telling you,
she's in demand.

Fine, fine. Thank you.

It's all settled.

Graduation at
11:00, audition at 5:00,

Party at 7:00, please
don't thank me.

Don't even talk to me, don't
talk to each other, don't talk.

Caviar, smoked
salmon, deviled egg?

Deviled egg?

Oh, well, maybe just one.

The little devil
misses her sisters.

Oh, diane.

Oh, it's such a wonderful party

You're throwing for tootie.

Yeah, just think if she
were here to enjoy it.

I thought she would be over
this acting business by now.

It's all my fault,
I should've never

Let her play tinker
bell in the third grade.

Oh, it's probably just a phase.

All girls seem to go through it.

I wanted to be a
radio city rockette.

Yeah, but you gave it up.

Yes, but there are those nights

When I stand in
front of my mirror

And sneak a high kick or two.

Think of it, the two of us in
the same graduating class,

And our paths never crossed.

That is strange, where
you hiding in a locker?

That's good, I like a woman
with a sense of humor.

Buzz off, kid.

And a mean streak.

Rob.

Would you like to
see my alfa romeo?

I can drive you over to rob.

[Playing hernando's hideaway]

That was lovely.

Inspiring.

You sure you only
got 10 fingers there?

And now, for the two most
beautiful senoritas in the room,

The flight of the bumblebee.

Please, please, thank you.

Uh, that song brings
back too much pain.

For the lovely senorita.

And that's the truth.

Pain?

An affair of the heart.

It was her song,
and her lover's.

Bjorn borg, the tennis star.

He sang that to me
every night on the tour.

The flight of the
bumblebee has no words,

Only bizz-zz-zz, zz-zz-zzz.

That's what k*lled the romance.

He was lying to her.

Making up words.

When all I wanted to
hear was zzz-zzz-zzz.

Mrs. Garrett, sorry
I'm late, but I saw it...

I found the perfect apartment.

It has everything
I'm looking for.

Peace and quiet.

Are you sure that moving out
is what you really want to do?

Believe me, I've
agonized over this,

But if I'm ever gonna be a
writer, I need my own space.

The toughest part is gonna
be right now, telling the guys.

Well, you can start
with blair and jo.

They're sitting right there.

Tootie's still auditioning.

She must be knocking them dead.

♪ Oh ♪

Very nice.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Next, please.

Wait, that's it?

We have a lot of people
to see, miss ramsey.

We'll let you know.

Oh, but you don't have
to see anybody else.

I'm her, I'm dorothy.

The director
said, "I'm dorothy."

That director's
no longer with us.

I'm the producer/director,
miss ramsey.

Oh, well,
mr. Producer/director, sir,

Ever since I was a little girl,

I knew I was meant
to be in the wiz.

I understand dorothy.

We're both looking
for the same things.

We're both walking down

That yellow brick road of life,

And somewhere, over the...

I'm sorry, I'm afraid you really

Haven't experienced
life yet, young lady.

I'm looking for
someone with grit.

Oh, I can give you grit,
mr. Producer/director.

We'll get back to you, tootie.

And so you see, even in camelot,

Nothing could remain
as idyllic as it was.

Just as the seasons
changed, so camelot changed.

See what I'm saying?

Get the accordion player back.

At least he was good
for a few laughs.

Okay, so far, we've
been through camelot,

Little women, and
the magnificent seven.

Pray tell, what are
you trying to say?

She wants us to read more.

We must be in the middle
of a bookmobile drive.

It has nothing to do
with you two reading.

It has to do with me writing.

You two have no
sensitivity at all.

I don't know how
I put up with you.

You put up with us?

We put up with you,
always shushing us.

Shh, shh, shh.

Yeah, during the day,
we have to tiptoe around.

But at night, when
we're trying to sleep,

That typewriter's
going like a machine g*n.

I feel like I'm
back in the bronx.

That's exactly what
I'm trying to say.

What? What?

That... That we
each need a place.

You need a place,
I need a place.

♪ There's a place for us ♪

♪ Somewhere, a place to us ♪♪

You know what the
trouble is, mrs. Garrett?

I think I'm just too fast
for these older women.

True.

At 17, they do start
to break down.

I think I'll go check the
place out for a 15-year-old.

I don't know what's
keeping tootie.

Tootie.

What's wrong?

They said, "thank you."

Thank you isn't bad.

In show business,
it's the kiss of death.

And I thought I had
it all wrapped up.

Oh, tootie.

I'm so sorry.

I can't go in there,
mrs. Garrett.

I just want to get in bed and
put my head under the covers.

Oh, look, tootie, I
know you're hurting,

But you know that rejection's
part of show business.

Just part of the package,
so brush it aside and move on.

Besides...

You've already had
one smash hit today.

You graduated from high school.

I'm surprised I
didn't blow that.

Now, we're going in there.

They're expecting you.

Let's get a smile on that face.

A smile?

Tootie, you're a
terrific actress.

If anyone can pull
this off, you can.

Come on.

Let's go.

♪ Happy graduation to you ♪

♪ Happy graduation to you ♪

♪ Happy graduation,
dear tootie ♪

♪ Happy graduation to you ♪

Can you believe it?

We're finally out
of high school.

Oh, and tootie, you were so cool

Accepting that drama club award.

The drama club award.

What's the matter, sweetheart?

She didn't get the part.

She didn't get the part?

Oh, what a shame.

Tootie, I'm sorry,

But remember what your
valedictorian said today.

"As we enter the
world of... Of..."

What exactly did she say?

You got me.

I'm sorry, tootie, we
know what it meant to you.

No, you don't.

I was going on the road.

The road?

The yellow brick road.

I was going on the road.

I didn't want to tell you
because I knew what'd you say.

I guess you're happy now.

No, I'm not.

Tootie, I may not have liked it,

But if you wanted it bad enough,

I wouldn't have
stood in your way.

[Accordion plays]

All right.

Attention, please, can I
have your attention, please?

I'd like to make a toast,

Followed by an announcement.

First, the toast.

Congratulations, tootie, to you, and
all your friends on your graduation.

As your valedictorian
said... She said...

And now on to the announcement.

I rented an apartment.

I'm moving out.

I love you, blair,
I love you, jo,

I love you, mrs. Garrett,
and I love you, tootie,

But I need a place of my own.

If I'm ever gonna be a writer,

I need to experience life,

The pain, the suffering.

The grit.

He was right.

I'm never gonna be an actress

Until I experience life.

And thanks, mom, for
not standing in my way.

I've got an announcement
to make too.

Natalie, I'm moving in with you.