06x02 - Florida's Homecoming: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Oh, Lord, I could just stay here
forever lookin' at my beautiful children.

Well, Ma, you better look fast,
'cause J.J.'s gonna be here soon.

My J.J.'s beautiful too.

All of my children are.

Oh, there's a book on my
bag. Carl and I got it for you.

"Quotations of Great Black
Leaders." Hey, thanks, Ma.

Flo, the only quotation
Gramps has been using lately is,

"Oh, come on, baby.
What are lips for?"

[Forced Chuckle]

Michael? Yeah, Ma?

You wrote me that you were
spending all your time studying.

Hey!

Ma must have missed the plane.

I waited for over an hour and a
half for her at Gate number 12.

You fool! I said Gate number
21. What you doin' at 12?

Oh, golly!

I'd better get back down
there. Good-bye, Willona.

Good-bye, Thelma. Good-bye,
Ma. Good-bye, Michael.

Ma!

Ma, it's good to see you again.

Oh, it's good to see you,
J.J. Hug me again, Ma.

Now, I don't know if there's enough
of you to go around a second time.

Oh, come on, Ma. Oh!

Ma, how'd you miss me at the airport?
I was runnin' all around looking for you.

I saw somebody dressed like you.

But then I thought they
had cloned a peacock.

Ma, these are my quiet,

"going to the airport
to meet Ma" clothes.

You should see my funky "Saturday
night disco, get-down-and-boogie" clothes,

with my high-rise...
boogie shoes.

[Imitating J.J.] "High-rise
boogie shoes." Yeah, Ma.

In order to get down,
you've got to get up.

He's a revolting Travolta.

Mm-hmm. Instead of Grease,
he looks like crankcase oil.

Thelma, stay out of
this, coconut head.

This is my wedding, Jaws
number two, and you don't like it...

Aw, don't tell me that. Instead of
marrying you off, we'll auction you off.

[All Arguing]

Welcome home, Flo!

All right, children. I want you to
stop the hassling right now! Huh!

[Knocking] I'll get it.

Oh, Booger. Hey,
welcome back, Miss Evans.

Oh, Bookman. It's good
to see you again. [Giggling]

Ma, look at him blushing.

Aw, yeah. I bet he
hasn't felt this good...

since Burger King made
him an honorary Whopper.

Hey, Bookman,
what you got there?

Oh, the missus baked a little
welcome-home present. It's a cake.

Half a cake, Bookman? "Home"?

Oh, I ate the "Welcome".

Don't blame Bookman, Ma.
He went in for a stomach bypass,

but instead, they
put in a freeway.

I got this, Ma.
Thank you, Bookman.

And thank Mrs.
Bookman for the cake.

I'll thank you if you don't tell her
what happened to the "Welcome."

You know I'm gonna tell her.
Greedy. Greedy! [Laughing]

Oh, Flo, Penny'll be
home in a couple of hours.

Honey, she's so beautiful. I
can't wait for you to meet her.

Oh, I'm anxious to meet her too.

But, you know, the one I'm really
anxious to meet is the groom...

and, of course, his
parents. Mm-hmm.

Ma, his parents d*ed
when he was very young.

Oh, Thelma, I'm so sorry.

Well, Ma, I'm having a late
lunch with him and everything.

So I'll invite him over after the lunch,
and then you have to rest for a while.

I could use a little rest.
Thelma, I'm so sorry...

I wasn't able to be here to help
you with your wedding plans.

That's okay, Mom. As resident man of
the house, I've taken care of everything.

It's always been my motto:

"You don't get rid
of a sister every day.

But when you get rid of one
like this, you have got to pay."

Now, J.J., you don't mean that.

No, Ma. I wish old Thelma
here the best of everything.

Oh. You know, your father
would have said the same thing.

Oh, J.J., you're so sweet.

Well, you know. What can I say?

You know, Ma, he wouldn't let
me chip in for the wedding dress.

And he picked out the
most expensive one there is.

Honey, you should see the
guest list. He invited everybody...

from "Who's who" to "Who dat?"

I got everything covered
except for the champagne.

I'm not sure how many
six-packs we're gonna need.

J.J.,

maybe we should go over
all the wedding arrangements.

No, Ma. Now, I know you think I ordered
the champagne and forget the caviar.

- Caviar?
- Rich folks' grits.

J.J., I think caviar
is a little out of line.

Too late, Ma. The
sturgeon's already pregnant.

Well, Ma, I got to be going
back down to the office.

Got that big Webster
presentation to make.

Think I'm in line
for a real big bonus.

I'm proud of you, son.

Thanks, Ma.

I'll put your bags up,
Ma. Thank you, honey.

Flo, honey, I know you gotta be
tired. So I'm gonna go on home, okay?

Okay. Talk to you later.

But, girl, remind me to tell
you about Hazel Washington.

Why? What? You know
the chick we all thought...

was fooling around with the
butcher at the supermarket? Yeah!

Well, honey, I do not want to
gossip, you know what I mean?

But Hazel has got to take a ticket
and a number like everybody else.

That's right. The butcher is no
longer featuring Hazel's ham hocks.

He has a special on
Hattie Mae's tenderloins.

I'll see you later, child. Okay.

Ma, can I talk to you for a
minute? Sure, honey. What is it?

Oh, Ma, I'm so glad
you're home. Oh, precious.

Ma, I'm so scared. I'm
really scared. Why, honey?

Because Keith is a
great football player, Ma,

and he's gonna be making as much money
as the president of the United States.

I hope he doesn't
fumble as much.

Well, it's not that. It's just that
I can't believe he picked me...

You know, a kid
from the projects.

I can't cook. I can't
sew. I get carsick.

He could've had any woman he
wanted, and he picked me, Ma.

Thelma. Oh, I wish
you could see yourself.

You're a beautiful
woman. Very beautiful.

You've been brought up to
have pride and self-respect.

No dr*gs, no bitterness, and
just enough sense to know...

that if you can survive here,
you can make it anywhere.

Oh, sure. Keith could've
married any girl he wanted to.

But he picked you. Now, you
know what that makes him?

A very lucky groom.

Oh, Ma, I love you.

But I'm still scared. Oh.

Yeah.

He's outside.

But, Mr. Wilson, it wasn't J.J.'s fault
that Thompson didn't buy the presentation.

He did a bang-up job.

J.J.'s a talented kid
and a hard worker.

All right. We gotta
economize. But why him?

Last hired, first fired.

I'll take care of it.

Send J.J. in.

Hey there, Mr. Patterson.
Don't bother to stand up.

I'll sit down.

How about a
little "Juigy" Fruit?

Thank you, J.J. I was just
talkin' about you to Mr. Wilson.

Well, I hope you were
merciless in your praise.

- Well, I'd better come
right to the point.
- Well, let's do that.

How much, and how soon?

Right now.

I don't find this easy to say, but
we're gonna have to let you go.

Let me go?

For somebody who didn't find it easy
to say, you sure said it pretty good.

I'll tell Sweet Daddy you paid.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, bro, what
happened to your arm?

I missed a payment.

I see they compound the interest and
the fractures at the same time around here.

Later. Yeah, way later.

Hmm!

Uh, I'm here to
see Sweet Daddy...

about a loan, sweet mama.

Park it, sucker.

He's not here yet.

[Clears Throat]

Hey, hey, J.J.

J.J., my main man!
What's happenin', baby?

Sweet Daddy. "S.D."

Uh, Bruno?

Ahh.

Yeah, Sweet Daddy, those
are nice guppies you got there.

Guppies? Man, Sweet
Daddy don't have no guppies.

Those are piranhas, man. Ooh!

Hey, J.J., you wanna
pet one? No, no.

On second thought,
you'd better not, brother,

'cause they just love to eat
away at a long, skinny eel.

Come on, brother. Into
my office. All right then.

Cop a squat, man.

So tell me, what brings you to
Sweet Daddy's Bank of C&P?

- "C&P"?
- That's right, brother. Cash and Pain.

Uh, well, Sweet Daddy,
my sister's gettin' married.

Well, brother,
congratulations, man. I heard.

And guess what I also
heard? I heard it's gonna be...

the biggest social
event of the season.

Definitely, definitely. Yeah,
well, come here, sucker.

Now, tell me something. Why
wasn't Sweet Daddy invited?

Why didn't I get
an invitation, man?

You neglected to invite
the godfather of the ghetto.

Uh, yeah, Sweet Daddy.

I don't think Thelma had
you on her invitation list.

What you talkin' about?
What's wrong with your sister?

Don't she know about the charity
work I do for this community?

Sweet Daddy Williams is one of the
largest donators to the local hospital.

Besides giving them money,
I'm their major supplier of patients.

Uh, well, Sweet Daddy,

I'll see what I can do
about the invitation.

"Do"? That's funny.

You gonna see what you can do?

Man, you're funny. You gonna
see what you can do, huh?

Come here, boy.

When Sweet Daddy asks
you for a favor, you don't say,

"Well, Sweet Daddy, I
can see what I can do."

Uh-uh. You say, "Well, Sweet
Daddy, I'll see what I can done."

Dig?

'Cause Sweet Daddy
conjugates the verb "to do" thusly:

do, done, dead.

So do it, dude.

Uh, sure, Sweet
Daddy. I'll "dood"...

I mean, I did... dee... do...

Uh, Sweet Daddy, about
the loan? Oh, yeah, brother.

- How much you need?
- Uh, how about a grand?

A grand? [Chuckles]

Man, let me look in my
chump change purse.

Here. Here you go... A grand.

Oh, wow. Uh, the usual rate,
Sweet Daddy? Six for five a week?

Man, what's wrong with you?
Ain't you been readin' the paper?

I mean, haven't you heard what
Jimmy the Peanut says about inflation?

The price of diamonds,
brother, have gone up so much,

my little pinky here is about
to go naked, poor thing.

No, brother, it's
now eight for five,

and Sweet Daddy has
reduced the week to six days.

Sweet Daddy, uh,
that's a little steep.

I'll be paying you back
for the rest of my life.

If you don't, brother, it's
gonna be a short-term loan.

You know, there's so much to talk
about when young people get married,

you hardly know where to start.

Right, honey?

I mean, there's just oodles of things to
talk about, like, where you gonna live?

- Michigan Drive.
- Michigan Drive?

I meant to keep it as a surprise. I leased
an apartment that'll be great for us.

- It overlooks the lake.
- Keith, why didn't you take me
to go check out the apartment?

After all, I am gonna
be living with you.

Baby, I just looked at it, and I
knew you'd love it. It's the penthouse.

Oh. The penthouse. Yeah.

You can look down
on the whole south side.

Well, I'm part of the south side,
so I don't be lookin' down on it.

Thelma, I don't think
Keith meant it that way.

What way did he mean it, Ma?

Well, any way you'd
like him to mean it.

Keith, can I get
you a cup of coffee?

- Sounds great.
- How would you like it?

Black, full-bodied and
satisfying, just like Thelma.

Don't be talkin' like that
in front of my mother.

It's all right, Thelma.
It was just a joke.

Keith, look, your jokes are
startin' to get on my nerves.

Baby, if the apartment upset
you, I'm sorry. I'm not upset!

Then why are you shouting?

Because I'm upset.

Can't you talk this
over quietly with Keith?

Yes. But can't Keith talk
anything over with me?

He didn't even discuss the
neighborhood we were gonna move into.

What's there to worry about? It's
a great neighborhood to raise kids.

Kids? You didn't tell
me anything about kids.

I was the one who
mentioned kids. [Keith] Right.

I talked to your
mother about the kids.

My mother? You talked
to my mother about kids?

Thelma, calm down. Ma, will you...
Oh, Ma! Will you stay out of this?

This is my life. I'm a grown
woman. I can handle my own affairs!

This is nowhere. I could
carry on a better conversation...

with some of those
empty-headed chicks.

Oh, right. You're
right about that.

You are an expert on
empty-headed chicks.

All she wanted was for me
to give her my autograph.

Oh, really? That's not all
she wanted you to give her.

Can't we talk about the wedding?

I've never tried to hide anything
from you. You know I've been around.

- So now you're admitting it!
- What'd you think I was,
a virgin?

All right!

Now both of you, just cool down.

- I never asked you
if you were a virgin.
- That's none of your business.

Well, are you? All right,
Keith. Now you've gone too far.

Stay out of this, Ma!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Evans. Come on,
Thelma, honey, baby, sweetheart.

When you're on the road in a lonely hotel
room, how much gin rummy can you play?

So you had to try strip
poker, huh? Strip poker?

All right! Now this
has gone far enough.

Both of you just simmer
down before I heat up!

Listen to your mother. She
got more sense than you have.

Keith! Oh! Now I'm stupid!

I didn't say that! I guess I was stupid
to think we were gonna have a wedding!

- We are gonna have a wedding.
- Not unless you're gonna
marry yourself!

What do you mean? It's off.

Now you get out.

Thelma, baby, you
don't mean that.

I-I mean that! I-I mean that!

- Okay, you mean it!
- You're damn right I mean it!

Well, if that's the way
you feel about it, good-bye!

Keith, sit down a moment.
No, she broke it off, Mrs. Evans.

I'm leaving. Keith!

Sit here a minute, please!

Gee!

And, Keith? Keith?

Don't stop calling me Mom.

That's right, baby.
Get it all cried out.

Everything's gonna be all right.

No, it's not, Ma. There's not
gonna be a wedding. It's off.

You know, I said the same thing to
your daddy before we got married.

You did? Sure.

You think you and
Keith had a big fight?

Compared to me and James,
y'all didn't even work up a sweat.

- What were you fightin' about?
- Who remembers?

I think I said something
like, "It looks like snow,"

and James said,
"It looks like rain."

- And the fight was on.
- Ma, that's silly.

Sure, it is, and right in front of
the church on our wedding day.

Ma, what happened?

Well, we'd been arguing
all the way to the church.

So when we got there,
James was so mad...

that he hopped out and
wouldn't open my door.

Hmm! So I got mad
and started to drive off.

But, Ma, you still got
married. I couldn't drive.

I must have stepped on the
reverse pedal, 'cause there I was,

the first bride to back down
the aisle in a '48 Chevy.

- Oh, Ma!
- It's true.

When the band saw me coming, they
stopped playing "Here Comes the Bride"...

and broke out with,
"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."

Oh, Mama, you're too much.

It ended up with James on one
fender and the preacher on the other.

And then he said, "Do you
promise to love, honor and obey?"

And I said, "Yes." James said,
"Well, then stop the damn car!"

Ma, you know, Keith
sounds a lot like Daddy.

Then why don't you go
out there and tell him that?

Ma, he's out there? Oh, Mommy.

Come on. Come on.

Ma? Hmm?

Wait a minute now. That story
you told me. Was that true?

Of course not. Your daddy
ain't had no '48 Chevy.

He had a '35 Dodge.

Now come on.

Lord,

I've always known
you was color-blind.

But what I told Thelma just now,

I hope you'll mark that down
as one of those little white lies.

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪