06x14 - Florida's Favorite Passenger: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

King me!

[Chuckles] Or as they say in
a democracy, "President me."

[Imitating Jimmy Carter] Or as my
little brother Billy would say, burp me.

And as your commander in
chief on this checkered b*ttlefield,

I'd like to say to my
worthy opponent Michael,

I'm against w*r, I'm
against bloodshed.

And unless you concede,
I'm gonna go upside your head.

- It's only a checker game.
- Yeah, but this is the first
time I ever b*at Michael.

Yeah? Well, we'll see.
The game's not over yet.

You only got one man left
to my four, and it's my move.

Your chances of winning
this is about the same

as me selling Afro
Sheen to Telly Savalas.

Okay, baby. Come on
now. Make your move.

This is my moment of glory, and I'm
gonna make it last as long as I can.

[Michael] Yeah? Well,
just play the game.

Hey, Keith, thanks for the
loan of the Afro comb, bro.

Here you go. [Thelma] Ooh!

Fool, you messed up the
whole game, you know?

I had him.

For the first time
in my life, I had him.

[High-pitched Voice] I had him.

Let me see your throat,
J.J. I wanna remember

how it looked with
the head still attached.

Hey. Take it easy there, Keith.

Don't you know you couldn't have
won that game anyway? Why not?

Didn't you know? Michael
marks the checkers.

Hey, Michael, that's not fair. J.J.
said you marked all the checkers.

Very funny. Very funny.
What you got there, my man?

This here is my portfolio I'm
taking to Gary, Indiana, with me.

When I go down to the bus
station to get my bus ticket,

I want you to guard this with your
life, or Thelma's, whichever comes first.

J.J., how come you have to go all the way
to Gary, Indiana, just to look for a job?

Don't they have comic
book companies in Chicago?

Yeah, Michael. But see, the Mahogany
Comic Company is a new one in Gary,

and that opening they
got for assistant art

director can get me
in on the ground floor.

They're offering me a salary
commensurate with my talent.

- How much is that?
- We agreed to split
the bus fare.

That sure doesn't
sound like much.

Michael, once I make
my presence known,

it'll be a short,
swift elevator ride...

up to the executive suite.

Oh, you're gonna be
running the elevators.

Thelma, as a gesture
of appreciation,

I'm gonna dedicate my first comic
book issue to you. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. I'm gonna call it The
Creature from the Planet Ugly.

That's right. That's
right. That's right.

You heard me, you old
ham hock hips! Shut up!

Get on outta here!
Oh, you better...

So, you got this all
figured out, don't you, J.J.?

No doubt about it, Keith. When
the people in Gary see this portfolio...

[Chuckles] they gonna
push me right past publisher.

Then my name will be
James Evans Hefner, E.S.Q...

Stands for equestrian!

J.J., an equestrian is a
person who rides horseback.

Michael, a jackass
would not know that.

- Let me see this mess
you got here.
- Yeah. Come on, J.J.

Hey, take it easy. Hold
on, hold on, hold on now.

These are only the sketches.

Over here, y'all, I
have the originals.

Oh, yeah? Well,
what is it? Come on.

Yeah, y'all, it's
my own superhero.

You mean you invented a
superhero? Not just a superhero...

The ultimate superhero.

A little silence, please.

Faster than a marriage
to Zsa Zsa Gabor.

More powerful than the
Chicago Bears' locker room.

Able to leap Dolly
Parton in a single bound.

Well, make that
two single bounds.

It's a bird. It's a plane.

It's Dyno-Man!

J.J., that body is
out of this world.

And so is the face.

Well, you know, what can I say?

Not much, Brother.

I searched for weeks
for a model for this,

and I narrowed it down to
either me or Muhammad Ali.

- And you picked yourself?
- Well, Ali never showed up.

[Knocking] Uh-oh.
Maybe that's him now.

[Moans] It's not Ali.
It's Rope-a-dope.

Hi. What ya know, folks? I
just come up to let you know...

that the elevator's gonna be out of
order for its annual service check.

So if you guys got something
to do, you better hurry up.

Service check? Since when do
we have an annual service check?

What do you mean? We've
always had an annual service check.

Of course, you probably don't remember
the last one. You were just a baby.

You know, Bookman, you could save yourself
the trouble of going door-to-door...

by just putting up
an "out of order" sign.

Yeah, I know, but I'm running
short of "out of order" signs.

I gotta put one on the
first-floor elevator door.

Plus I got some in the laundry
room and the furnace room.

And the one on
your bathroom scale.

Come on, Bookman. Enough of this
foolishness. I got a lot of things to do.

Let's get out of here. Yeah,
okay. Hey, what is this?

Bookman, that's
my own superhero.

Supersleuth, purveyor
of truth... Dyno-Man!

How you like it? Fantastic!

Hey, J.J., you gave
him my physique, huh?

Come on, Bookman. Let's go.

Hey, man, I remember when I was a
kid. I always wanted to be a superhero.

Oh, yeah? Well, Bookman,
I didn't use your flab,

but I did use something of yours
in the paintin'. You did, J.J.? What?

The eyes? Maybe the
chin? How 'bout the hands?

No, Bookman. The cape.

See, I just took a pair of
your drawers, cut 'em in half...

- Hi, kids.
- [All] Hi, Ma.

Larry, you can hang
your coat right there.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Evans. I
just came up to let you know...

the elevator's gonna be out of
service, but I see you already caught it.

Well, I always knew that if ever
anybody was gonna catch anything,

it'll be on that elevator.

J.J., did you pick
up your tickets yet?

Not yet, Ma. We're just
getting ready to leave now.

Come on, Bookman.
Let's get out of here.

Hey, Ma, who's
your little friend?

Oh. Larry Baker, this
is my son-in-law Keith.

Hi. How you doing?

And this is my daughter Thelma,
and my youngest son Michael.

- [Both] How you doing?
- That's some sh*t
you must have taken there.

- Were you in a fight
or somethin'?
- Sort of.

"Fight" is using
the word loosely.

Him and his little rivals came
close to tearing up my bus.

- Who was he fightin'?
- Everybody!

It looked like a traveling
Roller Derby back there.

And for no reason.

It seems that all of the other
kids just felt like picking on him.

Yeah, and it's a good thing
she pulled me off of them, too,

'cause I was
startin' to get mad!

I know what you mean.

That old Rayfield Davis
will never be the same again,

the way you was beatin'
up his fist with your face.

Well, he got in
a few lucky ones.

[Laughs] So you
broke up the fight, huh?

Yeah. And now I gotta
call Larry's parents,

'cause I think some of those kids
are still waiting downstairs for him.

I just can't understand why. Larry
never causes anybody any trouble.

He's quiet, he's shy, and...
Yo, Larry, don't mess with that.

- Hey, Larry!
- Huh?

- I said don't mess
with that, bro.
- Oh. Okay. Sorry.

Look, Larry, there is paper and pencil
in my bedroom if you wanna draw.

It's right around there.
The last door, okay? Okay.

You want me to move the easel?
Oh no, no, no. It's all right where it is.

It's just that we've gotta be
patient when he makes mistakes.

All of us. Why?

Well... Well, because
he's a special child.

Special? Mama, are you
tryin' to say he's Ret*rded?

Oh, no, no.

I mean, he may be a little
slower than others, that's all.

So I want you to be
careful what you say,

and just try to use a little more
patience with him, all right?

- [All] Okay, Ma.
- I know that's a lot
for you to cope with.

Oh, no, Ma. That's okay. We can
handle it. You know, we all live with J.J.

[Laughing]

Michael, you cheatin' me!

Uh-uh, baby. You got to king
me, mama. I want the crown.

[Thelma] Another king?
Aww! There you go.

I swear, you cheat!
Listen, everybody.

When I said be careful
what you say to Larry,

I naturally assumed somebody would be
saying something to him once in a while.

Oh. Okay, Ma,
I'll go talk to him.

No, you two go ahead
and finish the game.

I happen to have a
natural rapport with kids.

Then how come I don't
have any grandchildren?

Uh, maybe the
rabbit's a little slow. Oh!

[Clears Throat] So what ya
been drawing, my man, Larry?

Hey, Larry? Hey, Larry!

- I said, what ya
been drawing, my man?
- Oh. Just a lake.

You like drawing lakes? Yeah.

Well, let me see what
you got there. Mm-hmm.

You got the lake and the dock and
the... Hey, what are these things here?

- Houses.
- What are houses
doing on the lake?

- Haven't you
heard of houseboats?
- But you're not supposed to...

- [Clears Throat]
- You're not supposed to put
your feet on the table.

- Oh, okay.
- So what do you like drawing
besides docks, boats and lakes?

Do you like drawing...
You like riddles?

- If they're funny.
- I got one for you... surefire too.

How come the man tiptoed
past the medicine chest?

Because he didn't wanna
wake up the sleeping pills.

Don't you know any new ones?

I know some new ones. I got
one I just made up, right for you.

How come Indians
always get rooms at hotels?

Because they've
all got reservations.

You should've made
up the punch line too.

Now you answer me one. Okay.

What's black and
white and red all over?

That's easy. A newspaper.

Nope. A zebra with ketchup.

I ain't never heard
that one before.

How could you?
I just made it up.

All right, Thelma, I
want another king.

Michael, I think you do
have these checkers marked.

No, I don't. Yes, you do!

Wouldn't you rather go over there
and watch them play checkers?

Might as well. Nothing's
happening over here.

Well, how did it go?

Cancel the grandchildren.

Now you remember to keep quiet while
Thelma and Michael concentrate, okay?

Larry, do you know
anything about checkers?

Yeah. They always add up your
food wrong at the supermarket.

And as for this game, I
know enough to know...

that Thelma won't win if
she keeps on playing like that.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You should've moved
that man to there.

That way you would've
had a jump and a king...

because he couldn't have
gotten that man. [Dish Clattering]

Ma, you all right?
Yeah. It just slipped.

What happened?

I just dropped a
plate. Didn't you...

Uh, Thelma, get up and let
Larry finish this game, please.

Oh, come on, Ma.
He's just a little kid.

No competition for me in
checkers. I know. Larry?

Okay. Thanks. My move?
Yeah, it's your move.

Well.

- Well!
- Larry, that was good!

Larry?

Ma, what's the matter with him?

You know something?
This child isn't Ret*rded.

He just can't hear.

Your move.

No, it's all right. I'll call
back later. Thank you.

Hi, Flo. Hi.

Did you call his
parents yet? Yeah.

I called her at work and they
said she left a long time ago.

Well, maybe she's waitin'
for a bus. Lord rest her soul.

- Oh, Willona!
- You know how those
buses run around here.

Half of them run an hour late
and the other half don't run at all.

I don't care how she gets here.

I just can't wait to
tell her about her son.

Flo, now, you know me. I don't
stick my nose in nobody's business.

- What?
- Well, sometimes.

But, Flo, don't you think you
might be stepping out of bounds...

telling that child's family that
there's nothing wrong with his mind?

Willona, this time
I am sure of it.

That child has a
hearing problem.

He don't even respond when you call
his name unless he's looking right at you.

That still don't
mean he isn't slow.

How 'bout when I broke the
plate? He didn't hear that either.

- So it still don't mean
he ain't slow.
- He b*at Michael at checkers.

Where is the little genius?

They all back there in Thelma's
room waiting for his mother.

[Florida] I just
don't know... Hi.

[Willona] Hey, baby. Hi.

Aunt Flo, did Larry's
mother come over yet?

I'm afraid not, Penny.
Flo, don't worry.

If push comes to shove, Larry
can stay at my place for the night.

[Imitating Mae West] Well,
there goes my reputation.

I did not mean he was going to spend
the night in your room, Mrs. Smart Mouth.

Besides, Penny,
he's only 10 years old.

Jailbait. [Willona] Ooh!

- I don't know what
I'm gonna do with her.
- Hey, where's my suitcase at?

J.J., where have you
been? It's almost 7:30.

I was just saying good-bye
to some friends. Who?

- Debby, Kathy, Carol, Sue...
- Stop, J.J.

That's what all my
girls say also. [Chuckles]

Mrs. Evans, can I
have a drink of water?

Oh, sure, sweetheart. Larry,
this is my friend Willona. Hello.

- And her daughter Penny.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Larry?

- Larry!
- Huh?

Did you finish playing checkers?

Checkers? Oh, yeah.
Now we're all playing smut.

Smut?

What in the world is smut?

Flo, smut is a card game. Something
like that game... What's the name of it?

Dirty hearts. Dirty
hearts. Except the loser...

gets flour or something
thrown in his face if he loses.

Then how come
Larry's face is clean?

Does this answer your question?

Well, come on, y'all.
Break time's over.

Okay, but we're not gonna
play smut again, are we?

Nah. Now we're
gonna play knuckles.

You wanna play
knuckles? Come on in here.

I tell you something.
If that child is slow,

Ben Vereen can't boogie.

Hey, y'all, I'm leaving.

Oh, J.J., now listen.

When you get to
your Aunt Lillie's,

you give her a big hug
and a kiss for me, okay?

Okay, Ma, I will.

And tell her to send me
my $5.00 she owe me.

Oh, and, J.J., when you get
to be a big-time comic artist,

don't forget to draw a
superhero that looks like me.

Right. And put me
in a sexy costume.

Uh, right. And feel free to make
any changes that might be necessary.

Okay. Uh, good-bye, Penny.
Good-bye, Willona. Good-bye, Ma.

[Willona, Florida] Bye. Bye.

Oh, J.J.! Don't
forget your portfolio.

Oh, thanks, Ma. Good-bye, Ma.
Good-bye, Penny. Good-bye, Willona.

Bye. You be careful now.
Bye. Good-bye, John-Boy.

Oh, get out of here. Oh!

That crazy...

Oh, Willona, I really hope he
makes it this time. Ah, so do I.

Hey, he forgot
some of his drawings.

No, no, that's something that
Larry drew earlier. Pretty good, huh?

Yeah. But why'd he put J.J.'s
face on Mr. America's body?

I don't know. He
must've... J.J.'s face!

Oh, my God! He took the wrong
drawings! Cool it, Flo. Take it easy.

The Bionic Woman will take
care of this. Hurry up, Willona.

Oh! Oh!

What is it, a raid?

Oh, those stairs is m*rder
on my support hose.

Are you Larry's mother?

What's left of her, yeah.

But if this ain't enough for ya,

I think some more of me's
layin' back there on them stairs.

Our elevator's out of order.

After that climb, so am I.

- I'll go tell Larry
you're here.
- Come on in.

Okay. Come in the kitchen with
me, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Oh, that sounds nice. Thank you.

But how come y'all
got to live so high up?

Closer to God.

Well, I ain't about
to argue with that.

And I guess I oughta thank you for
breaking up the fight that Larry got into.

You know, it seems
like the other kids is

always pickin' on him
for somethin' or other.

Well, I think it's
more to it than that.

You know, me and my husband was thinkin'
about takin' him outta public school...

so he could be around
other kids like him.

- I don't think that's
the right thing to do.
- Me neither.

Not when I saw how much it
cost. The boy really ain't all that bad.

Larry isn't bad at all.

Uh, Mrs. Baker,

have you ever thought about
having his hearing tested?

- His hearing?
- Yeah.

I watched him all
afternoon. He really

isn't any slower than
any of the other kids.

As a matter of fact, he b*at
one of my boys playing checkers.

- So?
- [Chuckles]

You don't understand.

There are three things that
just can't happen in this life...

Walk barefooted on water,

out-smile Donny and Marie...

or b*at my son
Michael at checkers.

I know where you comin'
from. But you got to understand,

Larry doesn't have
that many friends.

So naturally, he spends
a lot of time to himself.

And over a period of years,
he's gotten very good at games.

All kinds of games...
Checkers, chess, cards...

Smut.

Especially smut.

But what's all this got
to do with his hearin'?

I think he has a
hearing problem.

[Chuckles] Oh, no.

I'm serious, Mrs. Baker.

Haven't you ever noticed
how he holds his head...

and how you have to call
his name over and over?

Of course I notice!
The boy don't care. Oh!

Honey, he's in a
world of his own.

But as far as his hearing goes, he
can hear just as good as you or me.

And I've been watchin' over him
just a little longer than you have.

Mrs. Baker, please... I'm sorry. I
don't mean no offense, Mrs. Evans.

But I got a tendency
just to get a little bit

uptight when a bus driver
starts diagnosing my son.

Now, you forget the bus driver.

How about a concerned
mother of two sons?

Look, honey, I know more
about raisin' children than you do.

I happen to have six of my own.
And you are not Larry's mother.

I know I'm not Larry's mother or
any of the other kids on that bus.

But when I'm driving them, I worry
about them just as if they were my own.

I can't turn my back on one,

especially when I see that
he has a problem. What...

Hi, Mama. Oh...
Oh... Oh, hi, baby.

You ready to go?
Yeah. Bye, Mrs. Evans.

Bye, sweetheart. Bye, everybody.

Bye-bye. See ya
later. Mrs. Baker?

Maybe the school could
have his hearing tested...

What does it take to
get through to you?

Just a minute. Just a minute.

- Larry.
- Yes, Mama?

Turn around. [Shouting]
Larry, can you hear me?

Yeah. What?

Case closed.

Of course he can hear
you if you yell at him.

I never said the
child was totally deaf.

You haven't said that much of
anythin', if you wanna know the truth.

Mama, can I go in the
elevator? Yes. Yes, honey.

Now you saw him answer me
from the front and from the back.

So there's no other way that I
can prove it to you. He can hear!

Only if you yell at him,
which is most of the time.

Thank you for the coffee
and the 17-floor climb.

Let's go. Lar...
Where did he go?

Oh, my God! The elevator.
And it's not working! Larry! Larry!

- Larry!
- Larry, listen to me.

Don't move. Don't step back!

Larry! Larry!

[Man Announcing] Be sure to
join us next week for the conclusion.

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪