06x16 - Blood Will Tell

[bunniefuu]

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Well, I guess I am a little
tired, but don't know why.

Keith and I went to bed early last night,
and we watched a wonderful movie too.

Oh, what did you see?

Um,

I think it was a science
fiction movie. Uh-huh.

No, no, no. It was a
Batman flick. Mm-hmm.

No, no. Wasn't that. Well...
You don't know what it was.

Whatever it was, it
was terrific. I heard that.

I'm gonna go, honey, because
Keith'll be comin' in soon.

And, uh, since you got the place
to yourself, he might wanna play.

And I don't mean
checkers. [Laughs]

Willona, I'm too tired. I don't
mind playin' checkers tonight.

I heard that. Okay,
King, it's your move.

"King"?

[Imitating Bill Cosby] So you
must be the new gym teacher.

Ya know, I'm a friend of
Fat Albert's. Hey, hey, hey.

And I was wonderin'. Could
we play a little one-on-one...

in the home court? [Chuckles]

No.

Well.

You know, I really enjoyed that
movie last night, babe. Me too.

Yeah? I'm tired.

I'm tired too.

Uh, honey, uh, tonight
could you start without me?

Uh, Keith, you
mean to tell me...

you are too tired to take
advantage of this situation?

- Uh-huh.
- Praise the Lord.

- Amen.
- [Knocking]

We gave at the office.

We're with the Sweet
Daddy Welcome Wagon.

Now, if you don't welcome us,
your butt's gonna be waggin'.

And who do you think you
are, you little mini-punk?

The name's Leroy Jones.

My friends call me "Bad News."

Well, they must be
late with today's edition,

'cause they cut you off before
the presses stopped rolling.

Boys, see if this chump looks
better with his nose under his right ear.

- I seen bigger dudes...
- I'm gonna call the police.

[Snickers] Boys. [Dialing]

Excuse me. That's my wife, man.

Looks like your phone's just
come down with split ends.

Hey, Bad News, didn't Sweet
Daddy say we got to be nice to 'em?

Ain't I?

Where's J.J.?

J.J. ain't here. Uh...

Well... Oh. You know
he joined the army?

Yeah, he did. And he
won't be back for five years.

Long time. The army,
huh? [Snickering]

We'll wait.

But the zebra lost
its stripes. Oh, really?

Oh, now wait a minute.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.

I didn't even
think about doin' it.

Matter of fact, I don't
even know how to do it.

What's Eeny, Meeny
and Teeny doin' here?

Don't take your coat off, J.J.
You're goin' with us. [Snickers]

Do you know this dude, J.J.?

Well, in kind of a
backhanded kind of a way...

Same way you know Ivan
the Terrible, Attila the Hun.

These three Boscos
work with Sweet Daddy.

I'm his right-hand man.

[Snickers] To me you
look more like his thumb.

Yeah, you heard me.

Well, uh, let's go, boys.

Nah. Hey, don't go like that. I'm
gonna call the police right now!

On second thought, I think I'll just write
an angry note to the police right now.

Now wait a minute! Let
me tell you guys one thing.

You're not taking me without
a fight! Get outta the way!

k*ll 'em, Keith!

That's right. You don't
worry. I'll be right behind you!

Yeah, J.J. I'm right
behind you too, Bro.

That's right. And if you
k*ll my two brothers here,

then you'll have to come
through Thelma, all right?

- Boys!
- Take it easy! Hold on,
hold on, hold on. hold on.

Don't worry. I'm gonna do something that's
gonna save us all a lot of problems here.

I'm gonna run!

Didn't I see you two on the
Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

All right, all right! Let's
move it on out now.

[Groans] Hey, look, man. Look,
man. You're not going nowhere...

till you tell me where
you're takin' J.J.

We're goin' to a
cabbage patch...

and have tea with
the Easter Bunny.

Oh, okay. I just wanted to know.

Sweet Daddy? Sweet
Daddy, your lunch.

[Sweet Daddy] I'm
comin'. I'm comin'.

Yeah, that's right,
Claude. You heard me.

Listen, listen. I don't care
what that sucker says.

You tell him that Sweet Daddy said
unless he pay me my money by tonight,

I'm gonna repossess
all 10 of his fingers.

[Honks Horn]

Great googly-moogly.

- What have we got here?
- Hello, I'm the new day nurse.

Yeah, well, you wouldn't be
wasted at night either, baby.

Oh, doggone. You see there? I
done missed As The World Turns.

Now I got to wait until tomorrow to
find out the results of John's vasectomy.

Don't... Don't get so excited.

Why don't you just
calm down now,

and get out of that souped-up
skateboard and get in the bed?

Wha... [Imitating
Car Engine Revving]

[Imitating Tire Screech]

Say, baby, was that
an order or an invitation?

Honey, in your condition,

it's just a beautiful dream.

Hey.

Hmm!

If you want anything, just buzz.

Buzz! Ding-dong, ding-dong!

Yeah, brother, I know
just what you mean, J.J.

'Cause if I got to go, I'm
taking her with me! [Chuckles]

Hey, Sweets, that's a nice
set of wheels you got here.

You gettin' ready for
the Blue Cross 500?

Come on, J.J. Don't
be jokin' like that, man.

You're in the presence
of a very, very sick person.

Yeah, poor Sweets.

Looks like the dice
rolled a double six.

Bad News, why don't
you take a short walk?

Right, boss. I'll take me and
my boys on a little collection run.

Come here, chump.
What you mean, your boys?

You mean, my boys, right?

[Chuckles] Yeah,
right. Your boys.

Just a little slip
of the tongue.

You better get outta here before I slip
my foot up... Go ahead, boy. Get out!

[Door Closes] Hmm. "Marion"?

Ma... Shh-shh-shh. I never
knew your first name was Marion.

Come on, J.J. Be cool. That
name goes no further than this room.

Isn't it okay if I just call
you "Sweet Marion"?

Is it all right if I call you a hearse?
Go over there and sit down.

We got some important
business to talk.

J.J., Sweet Daddy's
in deep trouble, man.

I need a blood transfusion.
I need it, like, yesterday.

Gee, Marion.

What? I mean, uh...

Uh, Sweets. Now dig
this. I'm not finished. Listen.

See, Sweet Daddy has this
very, very rare blood type,

which is only natural since I
never do anything that's common,

if you know what I mean.

Anyway, the damn hospital
couldn't find me one donor.

So I put the boys on the case.

So far, they've come
up with only one cat.

Meow? [Chuckles]

You see, what we got, man,
is such a rare, rare blood type.

- It's called U-negative.
- You positive?

No, no, no.

No, no. U-negative.

I mean, are you positive?

I'm positive. U-negative.

Then if you're positive
and I'm negative...

I'm not positive. I'm
negative and you negative.

- We both U-negative.
- Who's on first?

Now, J.J...

Brother, do you wanna
hold your tongue?

Or would you rather
I hold it for you...

Out where we can watch
it jump around, huh?

Sorry, Sweets. Now I'm
gonna make you a offer.

You give me your blood. And?

"And"? That's the offer, sucker.

See, I got this real bad
condition I let go too long,

and now I need this very serious
operation, and I need blood.

To tell you the truth, old Sweets's
chariot is swingin' pretty low.

I'm at death's door, brother.

And you want me to
pull you through. What?

Uhh, let me rephrase that. Why don't
you and your boys just rob a blood bank?

I thought of that. I really did.
But someone had b*at me to it.

And dig this. They only
stole my type. [Scoffs]

I know it's hard
to believe, J.J.,

but there's some people
that don't like Sweet Daddy.

Really, Marion? What?

Sit down. Sit down.

Now, J.J., my operation
is scheduled for tomorrow.

So what do you say, huh, buddy?
I want you right there with me.

Uh, Sweets, you sure got a strange
way of asking a friend for a favor.

J.J., I am trying to be polite.

Sweets, you're
wrinklin' the blood.

Oh. I-I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.
I-I'm a sick man, J.J.

Well, Sweets, you know, I'm
a man of very high principles,

especially when it
comes to givin' my blood.

I'm a man of very,
very high principles.

I'll give you $1,000.

You want that bottled
or gift-wrapped?

Come on, J.J. Tell us. Are you in
some kind of trouble or something?

What did those
hoods want yesterday?

Oh, nothin'. They're
just startin' a blood bank,

and they want me
to make a deposit.

You're kiddin'. Mm-mmm!

I'm goin' over there in
about an hour. [Laughs]

- What's so funny about that?
- Just the thought
of you givin' blood, J.J.

There's more red
stuff in a thermometer.

Yeah, it's like Dean
Martin donating his liver.

Now you two should stop it,
'cause J.J. is doing a great thing.

He should not be ridiculed.
He should be rewarded.

Thank you, Thelma. Here,
have some of my pancakes.

Uh, if that's the reward,
I'd rather be ridiculed.

You know, I'm gonna be
nice and let that one slide by.

All right. 'Cause
you're a great guy.

[Chuckling] [Chuckling]

What do ya know, folks?

Hey, J.J., I hear you're gonna
give some blood to Sweet Daddy.

Sweet Daddy? Sweet
Daddy? Sweet Daddy?

[Gibberish] You're giving
your blood to Sweet Daddy?

You mean, you didn't
know? It's all over the streets.

Everybody in the
project knows about it.

I just agreed to give
Sweets my blood last night.

- How could anybody know by now?
- I don't know about the east
wing. I ain't been over there.

Bookman, I tell you. Your
mouth is like a bus station...

Big, busy and open
24 hours a day.

J.J., why would you give your blood
to a bloodsucker like Sweet Daddy?

Well, Thelma, me and Sweets
have the same rare blood type.

"R" for rotten?

Look here, Michael. By givin' a few
drops of my blood to Sweet Daddy,

I'm savin' a life... mine.

Oh, J.J., I didn't
know it was like that.

And besides that, Sweet
Daddy's giving him $1,000 to do it.

[Muttering] Sweet Daddy's giving
you $1,000 for a pint of blood?

Does he need any more?

Well, folks, I
guess I'll be goin'.

Hey, J.J., did I do
somethin' wrong?

Yeah, you came in. Get on outta
here. And take your butt with you.

That's right. Get on. You've
caused enough problems as it is.

Yeah. [Door Closes]

Aw, now take it easy, y'all.

Look, by adding a few drops of my
warm blood to Sweet Daddy's cold blood,

I could be making a
new man out of him.

Just one pint? That man needs to
be drained, lubed and overhauled.

J.J., what's this I hear about you
becomin' a blood brother to Sweet Daddy?

Aw, come on, Willona. Helping a criminal
makes you an accessory to every crime...

he commits in the
future! Aw, Willona!

This is the rottenest thing
I've ever seen you do. Now...

Forgive my expression, but it really
is a black day in the Evans family.

Willona, it's not that
serious. I mean it.

I've seen nothing worse.

Good morning, folks. [Snickers]

I just changed my mind.

Look what just crawled
out of the woodwork.

Somebody step on it.

Mmm. Mmm, mmm!

Where did you come
from, sugar? [Laughs]

- Man, why don't you
go back where you belong?
- Keith, don't worry.

I can handle this little,
chocolate-covered Mickey Rooney.

You're lucky I can
take a joke. [Laughs]

Hey, you know what?

You're my kind of
woman. You know what?

You're half my kind of man.

Hey, you know, when I said I
could take a joke, I meant one joke.

I got business with
J.J., and it's private.

So everybody out!

Tiny Tim.

We ain't goin' nowhere, sugar.

You want me to tell
you the truth? Mm-hmm.

Well... [Sniffles] you see,
I never told anybody this,

but I just hate to get
emotional in front of a crowd.

So please... [Sobbing]

Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

All right. Hold on, you
guys. Don't make any

false moves here. Y'all
wait out in the hallway.

I can handle this. I thought we
pay rent here! Don't we live here?

[Chattering]

Yeah, yeah, my boys'll
keep you company.

You know what?
You're a nice guy.

Let me know if you want to stay
over for dinner one night. Okay!

I got a little high
chair you can use.

J.J., sit down. Aw,
man, look here.

I got somethin' I
wanna lay on you.

You didn't have to come over
here and do all that rantin' and ravin'.

I was getting ready to come
over there in a little while.

- That's what I came over
here to talk to you about.
- You don't have to thank me.

The thou that Sweets gave me
yesterday was thanks enough.

J.J., $1,000 is
just chump change.

Now, you stick with me,
and you'll be rollin' in it.

"Rollin' in it"? What
are you talkin' about?

See, Sweet Daddy is losin'
his touch. He's gettin' soft.

When he breaks a client's
leg, he pays for the cast...

And he autographs it.

Now, let me show
you what I'd do...

if I was boss of this outfit.

Hmm. There must be
a couple of grand here.

Five grand. But who's countin'?

That's for you. What do
you want me to do with it?

Well, relax.

Take a vacation.

What do you think about Bermuda?

Their shorts look terrible
with my knobby knees.

J.J., why don't you
take your girlfriend?

I mean, go to
the Virgin Islands.

Obviously, you don't
know any of my girlfriends.

J.J., you need a rest.

Now, your plane
leaves in an hour.

Yeah, but if I leave in an hour, I
won't be able to give Sweets any blood.

[Chuckling] I know this.

Then Sweets might die.

Yeah.

Isn't it a shame...

how life can be so cruel?

[Laughs]

Look here, Bad News. I don't
want Sweets's death on my head.

Don't worry, J.J.

It'll just be between
you, me and Roscoe.

Roscoe? Oh, forgive me.

I didn't introduce you
to my friend Roscoe.

Roscoe, meet J.J.

J.J., meet Roscoe.

Bad News, you
really are... bad news.

You stop and you listen to me.

Hey, look. I ain't got
time to hear that, man.

This is a Mayday. Do you
understand me? A Mayday.

Now you got to get me some blood.
Either find J.J. or get me another donor!

sh**t. No luck, huh, boss?

No, man. Well,
what do we do now?

Well, I know what I'm
gonna do. What, boss?

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

sh**t. Calm down, boss.

Do me a favor. Spread
out my mink for me.

You got it, boss.

Goodness. [Clicks Tongue]

I got it.

[Fingers Snap] [Sighs] Yeah.

You know, what's hard to believe is
that J.J. would take a powder on me.

[Snickers] I knew he'd
pull a stunt like that.

I mean, you can't trust
anybody over six feet.

I mean, the brain don't
function right at high altitudes.

All I pray and hope for is that I can live
long enough to pay that dirty J.J. back.

Don't worry, boss. Hmm.

I'll see to it that
J.J. gets his,

when your lights do go out.

Oh, you really are little Miss
Mary Sunshine, ain't you?

There's just got to be
another blood donor. I know it.

Say, Big Daddy in the sky.

I know that Sweet Daddy
don't talk to you a lot.

But, uh, I need you
this time. I really do.

If you help me... Help
me just this one time...

I swear there will be
a check for $10,000...

in cash for this hospital
right here tomorrow morning.

Please help me. Please.

Yo, Sweets!

[Chuckles] Thank you, Lordy.

Whoo!

Thank you. Now, Sweet Daddy
don't never go back on a deal.

That check for $20
will be in the mail today!

Hey! J.J., man,
come on over here.

Whoo! For a second
there, brother,

I thought you were not
gonna show up. [Chuckles]

Yeah, for a second there, I thought
I wasn't gonna show up either.

So tell me. What made
you change your mind?

Well, uh, I decided
not to take that plane.

What? Uh, here you go, Bad News.

Wa-Wa-Wait, excuse me.

What's this?

Hey. That sounds
like five big ones.

You mean to tell me my
most trusted and able aide...

was gonna do me in
with my own money?

J.J., lookit there. See,
that's my mark, man.

You mean to tell me, fool, that you was
gonna bump me off with my own dough?

Bad News, boy, you in trouble.

Sweets, he's escapin'!
You better catch up...

How's your family, J.J.?
But, Sweets, he's out...

[Sweets Laughing]

Fellas, do me a favor.

Why don't you take Bad News here
and put him on a plane someplace.

Wait a minute. I
got a better idea.

Why don't you take Bad News and put him on
three or four different planes someplace,

- if you dig my drift.
- But... But, Sweets!

- Can't you take a joke?
- Oh, yeah. [Laughing]

- Now get him outta here.
- [No Audible Dialogue]

You know somethin', J.J.?

A lot of dudes I know would've
let Sweet Daddy die for five grand.

A lot of dudes I know
would let you die for nothin'.

[Chuckles] You're
right there, brother.

So tell me. Why did
you stick with me?

Well, Sweets, I
figured if you cashed in,

then Bad News would
be in charge of the ghetto.

And he's a whole lot worse than you are.
I guess you're the lesser of two evils.

- [Chuckles]
- The doctor's ready for you
both now. I'll wait outside.

Thank you, sweetheart.
Thank you. All right, Sweets.

Uh, here's the grand
you gave me yesterday.

Oh, no, no, brother. No, no,
man. You just saved my life.

Look, if you don't want this, name it...
anything you want, I'll give it to you.

Okay. I want the right to
call you Marion in public,

Marion. Take the thou, J.J.

No thanks, Marion. Boy,
you better take the thou.

Okay. I'll use it for
Michael's college education.

And when him becomes a
lawyer and passes the bar,

first person he'll put behind
them is you. [Chuckles]

I'm gonna retire by
then. All right, Daddy.

S-S-Stop, J.J.

There's somethin' I got to
tell you I never told nobody.

Yeah? Sweet Daddy's
scared of needles, man!

Oh, come on now, Marion.

[No Audible Dialogue]

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪